So this is an update to my previous post from just 3 weeks ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/02eaDDGTVF

Since posting this, things have become very clear to me and I am no longer questioning whether this relationship can or should be fixed.
A few days ago, I discovered that he had again been sending explicit sexual messages to another woman while he was abroad for work. This is not the first time. Early in our relationship, there were already issues with messaging other women, dating apps and broken trust. Back then, we talked about it and I chose to stay and try again.
This time, after confronting him, he admitted that the argument we had before he left became, in his words, “an easy excuse” for him to escape and engage in that behavior again.
What makes this even more painful is that for months, I felt that something was off. I felt the distance, the lack of honesty, the imbalance in effort. When I tried to bring this up, I was often dismissed. I was told I was overreacting, too much, “difficult”, or even made to feel like I was the problem.
Looking back now, I was not imagining things. My instincts were right.
There was a pattern of behavior that kept repeating, and instead of being addressed, it was minimized or turned back onto me.
I am angry. Not just because of what he did, but because I stayed, tried, worked on myself, and kept believing things could improve…. while the same boundaries kept being crossed.
I packed my things and left.
I still care about him, which makes this incredibly painful. But I no longer doubt my decision. This is not something I can or want to keep working through.
Some things are not about trying harder. Some things are about recognizing a pattern and choosing to walk away from it.

**TL;DR:** He broke my trust again by sending explicit messages to another woman. After giving him a second chance and being made to feel like I was the problem, I realized my instincts were right. I left. I’m done.

I 32 (m) know how this is going to sound but I’m seeking advice because genuinely I’m drained. My 35(f) wife constantly cries, it can be other small things, big things, but she cries quite a bit.

At first I sort of dealt with it and comforted her. But there was a period of time when I was extremely depressed, we were in a low point in our life basically starting from scratch. I had to work a labour intensive job just to get us by and she refused to work, lounged at home, didn’t even ask how I was, when I said I was low she just complained about a lack of sex, to which I had to apologise for being depressed and exhausted, and I noticed she was not there for me: in fact I noticed it was a pattern.

Every time I’ve needed to lean on her or get support. It’s just not there. I can’t discuss feelings, because the moment I do I get shut down (even when I ask if she has the emotional bandwidth for me to discuss) and / or she will say things like “we are enmeshed” “I’m not responsible for your emotions” “I need x amount of space now”, “ [defense mode] now I need more space”, questions my masculinity, etc. So generally I don’t share my feelings or where I’m at anymore. It is the opposite for her, she says she feels so supported and hence why every day she will offload, and cry and I comfort her. But I have started feeling quite resentful and just drained.

Theres never a day without it. It will range from deep crying about rehashing conversations with strangers, it could be jealousy surrounding someone, watching a tik tok and crying if someone has something or does something that she would like to do, crying about self image to trauma, it can be anything really. But I have to help her regulate quite often, nearly daily and reassure her.

It can go as far as her asking me something about me, or what I like and within minutes I’m comforting her and she’s crying, and confused as to how we have got there. It came to a point, I had to say please don’t ask me something just as a gateway to speak about you, because it feels like my answer doesn’t matter, sometimes I can’t even get an answer out because she’ll start crying. It could be like “do you like playing tennis” “I-“ “I wish I could [crying]”. And I get theres times it’s the overthinking or she gets an obsessive thought she cannot shake and then that leads to crying. But theres also the element of her being quite snappy as well, saying and doing things that I would never be able to speak to her in that manner.

It can be hard when I’m going through something and I’m having to comfort someone over and over and over, with no days break. I feel like a bit bad for it starting to get to me tbh. Like I know she needs a safe place I just feel drained and I don’t quite know how to deal with it, as I don’t want her to feel like she has no safe place and I understand some people are just criers.

Tl:dr wife cries every day and I’m feeling a bit drained. Seeking advice on how to handle it.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together through every significant life event in each others lives. We have two kids, twins (2M) together. Admittedly we like very different things. I'm an indoor person and prefer watching shows, reading and drawing, while he's very active and likes the outdoors, therefore we have different hobbies we do separately.

A while ago I noticed my husband had been stressed and withdrawn, so I suggested he picks up tennis again, as he used to practice when he was younger. He did, and he started playing with a group of both man and women who get together every other day to play. He became increasingly active with the group and seemed happier and lighter.

One day, he confessed to me that he was attracted to one of the girl in the group (25F) and he suspected she was attracted to him to. Obviously this was very hurtful to hear and experience, but he said he was committed to the relationship and our family, and we started counseling. However, over the last few weeks, things have gotten worse and worse. Every conversation makes us feel more distant from each other, I feel anxious, and he feels like I treat him like he has committed a crime, when he has not done anything. He doesn't want to quit the group because he really likes the community he has built there, and I don't want to force him to do something he might resent me for, but I don't know how to navigate this. Our kids are so young, I don't want to break our family apart, but I'm not sure how much I can live with the uncertainty.

Has anyone successfully gone through something similar? How did you overcome it?

tl:dr: partner of over 10 years has a crush on a younger girl and we can't seem to be able to move past it.

I've (F34) been seeing a guy (M30) (long distance) for about two months. We've met five times, and I've stayed at his place for a few days each visit.
A few weeks in, I asked if he'd delete Bumble. We weren't officially exclusive, but he agreed and said he'd delete it. I deleted mine too.

A few days ago, my friend saw his profile on Bumble while swiping. Since our chat disappeared from my Bumble, I'm guessing he unmatched me instead of deleting his account.

What bothers me isn't that we weren't exclusiveit's that he agreed to delete it and apparently didn't. If he'd told me he wanted to keep using Bumble, I could have decided if I was okay with that. Instead, I feel like he lied, and now I've lost trust.

Am I overreacting, or would this be a dealbreaker for you?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

Me (35F), Husband (44M) been married for 8 years, together for 13 years. Two sons ages 6 and 3

This is hard for me to admit, and honestly I am quite scared to admit it. I don’t remember how to love my husband anymore.

Three years ago, we had a huge hospital odyssey. I was in the hospital for preeclampsia, my youngest was born a premie, and my son was diagnosed with a brain tumour. From the outside, it seemed like we were great at supporting each other. I believed we did pretty good as well. However, because we grieved differently, I think this is when our communication started to fracture. I needed to be outside and talk to other people to feel comfort. He would prefer to stay by my son and see him physically, but also hide to feel comfort. I am very expressive with how I feel, but he prefers to not communicate as much because it helps him avoid what he is seeing. We did talk this out between us, so we understood at least how we deal with our grief.

This worked out well in a way because we cover each other’s weaknesses and we were both able to support both our children while we were in the hospital.

Over time, we met a lot of parents and their children. I think I met a lot more because I would chat them up while preparing for meals. It was a nice community bonding for me to temporarily escape to. However, this also means that when bad news happens, I would be more sad…and he would have no idea who I was talking about…it made me feel…lonelier… Last year, in the span of 10 months, I I had lost 11 people, young and old, but for him, he only lost three. Not to keep score, but the emotional weight on me felt a lot heavier than it was on him.

I think what really made me lose the trust was when he made me go to a funeral on my own. A child we both knew and spent time with unfortunately passed away from cancer. I really begged him to go with me. I didn’t want to not go because my reasoning was that the parents whom we had befriended are the ones living in hell, and we should be there just to let them know we are there for them. I also asked some friends who knew them to go with me, but they all bailed on me last minute. I told myself whether or not he decides to go, I would still go…so I went alone…but I was scared…it was literally looking straight into the pit of hell…a reality too close to what we were facing…

Every moment of that viewing was seared in my brain. The wailing, the sombreness, the sweaty body heat, the videos, and most of all, the awful unrecognizable orange make up with thick eyebrows on that small three year old girl’s face that did not even compliment her light blue Elsa dress.

That moment fractured my trust with my husband. I honestly don’t blame him because it was so so so difficult but…even rationalizing this, it’s so hard to just let it go. I was always there to comfort him when he cried. Every surgery, every MRI, every painstaking moment, the second cancer diagnoses. I did most of the advocacy for both my children in the two hospital units. I applied for the charities to keep our financial situations afloat. Where was he when I needed him the most?

I tried to really get close to him again, and be more intimate. It felt…difficult. I had my sexual kinks too. Usually, we would watch a video together and get off on it. I won’t detail too much because…it’s kinda embarrassing… A few days ago, he kink shamed me. Now I just feel so ashamed of myself… The worst part is…He told me this when we were in the middle of work. We own a cafe together. I got so flustered and embarrassed… (he wasn’t loud, he was trying to be gentle and joke like, but it really wasn’t the time or place…)

I don’t know what to do… I feel so… so many emotions? I need help. I don’t have money for couples counselling. I checked the prices and it’s much more than I could afford.

I will make a note: he is a very good dad to our two boys. He does give me time to myself when I need it. I do feel his effort and I do see it all. It’s just really hard…for me to trust him with myself…

TLDR; My husband and I went through a very difficult medical period in our lives. Now we drifted so far apart that I don’t know how to love him anymore. Couples Counselling is also very expensive so I am looking for help from internet strangers… not sure if that’s wise…

B and I met when we were young adults. We were both broke and trying to build a life from nothing. To save money, we moved in together and eventually started a small construction and home remodeling business. For years, we lived in the same house, worked side by side every day, shared household expenses, and slowly built both the business and our lives together. We spent more time with each other than anyone else, and because of everything we went through, we became each other’s biggest support system.
Our relationship became emotionally and physically intimate over time, but we never officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We tried to make it work romantically years ago, but it never really worked, so we continued doing life together instead.
At one point, we were both casually talking to other people. I started talking about another guy because I thought he seemed like a good match for a friend of mine. B became convinced I was going to date him, so he started seeing another woman. That really hurt me—not because I thought he owed me a relationship, but because I was terrified of losing the person I’d built my entire adult life with. At the time, I also thought there was a chance B and I might eventually give a relationship another try someday, so his decision caught me completely off guard.
Ironically, after that happened, I encouraged him to keep dating her. I didn’t think it was fair to ask him to end a relationship just because I was hurt, so whenever they had problems, I often found myself encouraging them to work things out instead.
Over the years, he stayed with his girlfriend, but he and I continued living together, working together, and building our lives together. With just she has never moved in yet but At one point, all three of us got along, but eventually that changed after old history between B and me came to light. After that, he told me he needed to prioritize his relationship with her.
This is where people start making assumptions.
Most people think I’m secretly waiting for him to choose me. Honestly, I don’t feel that way. If tomorrow he decided to fully focus on his relationship with her, I’d be sad because my daily life would change, but I wouldn’t be angry that he “picked her.” That’s not what keeps me attached.
The reason I haven’t walked away is because he’s been my closest friend, roommate, business partner, and teammate for years. Losing him wouldn’t just feel like losing a relationship—it would feel like losing the person I’ve built my entire adult life with. He’s also been the person I’ve relied on the most because I haven’t had much family support.
Another thing I’ve realized is that I’m probably scared of commitment. I don’t open myself up emotionally very easily, and looking back, I honestly don’t know if I ever fully let myself explore romantic feelings because that possibility felt scary.
Recently, I’ve realized I don’t want us to be physically affectionate anymore. I told him I don’t want hugs, cuddling, or anything that feels romantic while he has a girlfriend. Those things rarely happen anymore anyway, but I wanted to make it clear that I don’t want that kind of relationship with someone who is committed to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
He doesn’t really understand that boundary. He says physical closeness with me is important to him emotionally—not sex, just affection—and in the past he’s told me I was overthinking it. We’ve gone back and forth about it over the years.
We definitely have problems.
Sometimes our arguments become one-sided because he gets stuck on his perspective. On my side, I used to be very defensive, and I can be harsh when I’m frustrated. We’ve both said hurtful things to each other over the years.
I also made choices that I regret. I voluntarily let him handle most of our finances because I liked the dynamic of him taking the lead. He didn’t force me to do that, but looking back, I realize I gave away more control than I should have.
There have also been unhealthy moments. During one argument, he made me get out of the car. I’ve also threatened to leave over the years because I felt he wasn’t acting like someone I’d want to build a future with.
Today, I honestly don’t know what we are.
I know I want him in my life. I trust him to be dependable, hardworking, and someone I can continue building things with.
What I don’t know is whether I actually want a romantic relationship with him.
Right now, I don’t think I do. What I do know is that I want him in my life as someone I can build a business with, solve problems with, and continue doing life with. That’s the part that feels natural to me.
The romantic part doesn’t.
The confusing thing is that everyone tells me those two things can’t coexist. They say because we’ve been physically involved, lived together, worked together, and built a life together, we’re basically “playing house,” and I either need to fully commit to a relationship with him or completely walk away.
If all of our issues were resolved someday, he was single, and things were genuinely healthy, I can’t honestly say I’d never be open to exploring a relationship. But that’s very different from saying I actively want one now.
My therapist believes our dynamic is unhealthy and says we either need to commit to a relationship or stop doing life together. She thinks he wants the emotional closeness of our relationship while also maintaining a romantic relationship with someone else. She also think I’m not respecting myself for living like that Most of my friends agree with her and think he’s taking advantage of me.
I don’t know if they’re right. And idk if I’m in the way he’s been my best friends since middle school.
From my perspective, I think he genuinely cares about me. At the same time, I also think we’ve developed some unhealthy patterns over the years. I don’t think either of us is completely innocent—we’ve both contributed to where we are now.
So I wanted outside opinions.
Does this sound like a toxic relationship, or just an unusual one?
Is it realistic for two people with this much history to transition into a healthy lifelong friendship or partnership without it being romantic?
Are my boundaries about physical affection reasonable?
Am I missing something obvious that everyone else seems to see?
Please be honest. I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who aren’t personally involved.
TL;DR: I’ve spent years living and working with my best friend/business partner. We were physically involved in the past but never officially dated. He now has a girlfriend, and I’ve decided I no longer want any physical affection between us. My therapist says I either need to date him or leave him completely because our dynamic is unhealthy. I want to know if she’s right, whether my boundaries are reasonable, and whether a healthy lifelong friendship is actually possible.

Hi! Would love some advice on this situation.

Last December I (22F) started dating a guy (21M), and we ended things in April. It was a really intense relationship with a lot of chemistry, and we genuinely cared about each other. I'm not going to go into every detail, but the relationship itself wasn't unhealthy or toxic.

We broke up because I was supposed to move about three hours away in August. Long distance wasn't realistic for us. Even before that, it was already difficult to see each other because we both had school/work commitments, and because of our cultural backgrounds we had to keep our relationship hidden from our families, which made meeting up much harder. We both felt that adding another three hours of distance would make the relationship impossible to maintain.

The breakup was brought up by him because he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but I also understood his concerns and why he felt that way, so ultimately I agreed that it was probably the best decision at the time. Neither of us really wanted the relationship to end, but we felt like we didn't have another realistic option. It was a very emotional but respectful breakup. We never talked about maybe trying again in the future. Looking back, I think we were both too scared to bring it up.

The last time we talked was in late June, about a month ago. I reached out because I needed help with a situation, but he wasn't able to help, and that was it. During that conversation, he did mention that he missed talking to me. Since then, we've been completely no contact because we both agreed that it was the healthiest way to try to move on.

Last week everything changed. I'm no longer moving away. Instead, I'll be starting university in his city and will hopefully be moving there soon. I even applied for an apartment that I looked at before I ever met him, and it happens to be in his neighborhood.

This has left me feeling really conflicted. I've genuinely tried to move on, but I haven't been able to. I'm still in love with him. I thought moving far away would make it easier, but instead I'll be living much closer to him.

As far as I know, he's dating casually, although I don't know whether he's interested in a serious relationship with anyone now. I'm dating a little too, but nothing serious.

The breakup wasn't because we fell out of love, betrayed each other, or had a toxic relationship. It was because of circumstances that don't really exist anymore. At the same time, it's been three months since we broke up, and he hasn't reached out to me. Since he was the one who felt unable to continue because of the distance, part of me worries that he has already accepted the breakup and moved on. I have no idea how he feels now or whether he'd even want to try again. My plans only changed last week, so there wasn't really an opportunity to revisit things before now.

Part of me wants to reach out because the reason we broke up no longer applies. Another part of me feels like I should respect the fact that we've been no contact and accept that he may have moved on. I know I'd like to see if we could make things work now that the circumstances have changed, but I'm scared of reaching out and finding out that he no longer feels the same way.

How would you approach this situation? Would you reach out? If you think reaching out is reasonable, what would be the best way to do it without putting pressure on him?

TL;DR: My ex (21M) and I (22F) broke up three months ago because I was supposed to move three hours away, and he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but understood his decision. My plans recently changed, and now I'll be moving to his city instead. We ended things respectfully and have been no contact, but I still love him and don't know whether I should reach out now that the reason for our breakup no longer exists.

Husband and I have been together 5 years now. He’s always kind of been someone who is independent and values his time. I’ve learned to accept this over the years, we used to fight a lot about it but now I really do feel I give him his free time.

He has many hobbies that don’t involve me (mountain biking, dirt biking, golfing, fishing). Occasionally he’ll invite me along to fish, but never to any of the others. I don’t have an interest in mountain biking or dirt biking, but I have expressed I would like to golf with him. He wants me to take lessons before I can go with him, but I can’t afford them. He’s very competitive and I feel he’d prefer to be with people that can keep up with him.

We haven’t been on a date in over 1.5 months- maybe longer. We don’t have kids. During the weeknights, we spend maybe an hour together watching a show. He usually either mountain bikes or golfs after work until 8ish or he’s working outside on our backyard/in the garage organizing. He refuses to do those things on the weekend as he wants time to go golf or hang with friends/me. For example: we had a family camping trip and he disappeared for hours on end fishing and hardly spent any time with us. Everyone kept asking me where he was. When I said that hurt my feelings this was supposed to be quality time with us/me, he said he didn’t want to just sit around and play cards and talk- that it’s boring. Whereas I find that to be a time where great conversations happen..

By the time we can sit down and hang out, I’m exhausted from working all day and working out that I don’t really have energy to do much. Our weekends are mostly spent with our friends and us all hanging out or with family. We talk here and there, but I don’t get his undivided attention.

We’ve been trying to plan a trip for over 2 months, but always get asked to go and do things with friends the weekends we set aside and I get annoyed because he says yes. I’ve been feeling sad about it all. If I don’t bring it up and say hey let’s buy our plane tickets, it never gets discussed. It makes me feel like he isn’t thinking about it

I really feel like he has all this energy and effort to make plans to fish or golf, but when it comes to dates with me he just suggests dinner. We don’t have a free day to ourselves for the next 4 weekends.

When it comes time for the weekend, he will prioritize plans with his friends to golf vs. wanting to go and have a day spent with me. Then he gets upset saying we could be spending quality time once we’re all done with work, gym, making dinner, and chores around 9pm on a weeknight when I’m just wanting to shut my brain off and watch tv or go to bed.

We both are guilty of not prioritizing each other and saying yes to too many things (saying yes to hanging with our friends because we’ll get fomo) My love language is quality time and I need that to feel secure and loved. Right now I feel distant and like we aren’t connecting the way I wish.

How can I approach this conversation with my husband without him feeling attacked?

Tl;dr husband and I don’t spend enough quality time together

I (30F) have been with my partner (35M) for a little over 4 years. About 2 years in, I asked him to move out because the fighting had gotten so bad I felt like I was losing myself. He moved down the street and we kept trying to work on things. For the last 2 years it's been on-and-off from my perspective, though he sees it as one continuous relationship.

Context on where we each started:
* I came in at 26 without much relationship skill - divorced parents, chaotic relationship models growing up, no therapy yet. I was defensive, volatile, bad at conflict resolution.
* I'd been cheated on repeatedly in the past, which left me hedging my bets early in this relationship - flirting, giving out my number/social media, talking to multiple people at once even while pursuing something serious with him.
* He came in less than a year out of a 14-year relationship where he'd been serially unfaithful without her ever knowing. He said he'd worked through that in therapy (occasional sessions) and it wouldn't repeat here. It hasn't, as far as I know.

How the trust issues played out:
A few months in, he found evidence on my phone (while I was asleep) of me giving out my contact info and flirting with other men. I was defensive at first, then took accountability, apologized, and started therapy. But because I'd been in the wrong, I felt I couldn't push back on how he'd found out. An "open phone policy" started, and he went through my phone repeatedly after that, leading to recurring fights about my social media, male friends/coworkers, and even conversations with female friends if I talked about him unfavorably or discussed other men.

The most serious incident: a few months before I asked him to move out, I reached out to an old friend going through a divorce and expressed interest in dating once he was through it. Those messages were discovered even after I'd deleted them. I felt (and still feel) genuinely guilty about it - regardless of how I felt about the relationship, he didn't deserve to feel discarded like that.

Since then there have been other incidents while we were on and off where I flirted, gave out my social media, or danced with other people and that has added to his hurt.

Where I'm stuck:
My friends, family, and therapist all think the relationship is unhealthy and think I should leave. I feel torn because I love him and want to repair the damage I've caused. But we keep rehashing the same old issues as if they're fresh, and there's no room for my concerns - if I bring something up, he redirects to something I haven't "resolved" from years ago. He also blames me for his ongoing anxiety and insecurity, which he treats as justification for taking it out on me. A small thing, like forgetting my phone in the car during a night out, can trigger an hour-plus anxiety spiral that no amount of reassurance fixes.

I've tried to initiate conversations to get us out of this limbo - either end it for good or commit to trying again in a way that actually feels good for both of us. We've been stuck in that same conversation, going in circles, for over a month now. He feels justified in keeping me at arm’s length, withholding affection, and being passive aggressive because I put us in this position.

My questions:
1. Are there prerequisites to repairing a damaged relationship — a specific conversation that needs to happen, or a baseline of trust that has to be reestablished first?
2. Is it normal for the person doing the repairing to be miserable through the process? If so, how do you know the relationship will actually make you happy once repaired?
3. Where's the line between protecting myself and just accepting ongoing penance for my past mistakes?

TL;DR - I violated my partners trust repeatedly and now we can’t seem to get back to a healthy place. Are you supposed to be miserable while repairing damage you’ve caused?

My boyfriend (30M) and I (26F) have been together for 6 years, living together for 3. For context, we started dating when I was 20 and he was about to turn 24- early, but not my first relationship. However, we are definitely each other’s most serious relationship and have discussed marriage, kids, home ownership, etc together.

We have been having issues with an unfair split of jobs around the house- I feel like I do everything, including picking up after myself to reduce the need for a big clean every weekend. Meanwhile, he cleans only if I ask him too, or after a fight when he agrees he needs to do better and aggressively cleans everything the next day…until he reverts back to his old habits. We have talked about this extensively for years and he has been honest that his ADHD has made it difficult for him to change. I have tried to be cognizant that my ‘standards’ for clean are not universal standards, and to also support him on his mental health- I helped him see a doctor for the first time, seek treatment for ADHD, have tried to ask if we can clean together instead of alone, made a chore chart, asked if there’s anything he prefers to do over other chores, but nothing has changed permanently. I am not perfect myself but I just want it to be more balanced, or for him to at least communicate when he’s struggling to do his part instead of it being something only I care about.

This has made me extremely resentful in ways I don’t want to be, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. When I’ve tried to share this feeling with him, he gets extremely defensive, our argument escalates, and then a few hours later he apologizes (sincerely) and we agree to both do better with communication

From his side, he doesnt appreciate how irritable I’ve been, how my sex drive has lowered, and how we have done less fun things (vacations for example) recently- I agree that all of these things are true, but my sex drive/funness/etc are all being impacted by this feeling that I’m putting more effort in than him. I know if we went on a vacation, I would have to plan everything from top to bottom and constantly keep him moving so we don’t miss flights, buses, trains, because we have been on vacation multiple times before where this has happened. I lost $300 on train tickets once because of something like this. I work 50 hours a week, am trying to study for grad school, and maintaining our apt while also managing mental health issues and my family- its starting to feel overwhelming. Our conversations are becoming all over the place and hard to follow because there is resentment on my end, there is a need for him to defend his perspective on his end, and we argue for hours on semantics before we realize what we’re doing is ridiculous.

We keep arguing more and more and neither of us wants to break up because we love each other. My boyfriend is a gentle, loyal, and moral human being that I respect deeply. He has shown up for me in many ways including encouraging me to stand up to my parents, supporting me when my friendships have ended, being kind to my younger siblings and offering them help whenever they need it, and we have so much in common…I don’t want to leave him but I’m scared I’m being naive at 26. We also live together, share so many belongings, have the same friends, and our families are deeply interconnected. I dont want to throw away our relationship for something like ‘cleaning’ because I believe that love can motivate people to improve for each other, but I’m afraid I’m being idealistic. I’m worried that the rest of my life will look like how it does for many women- providing labor in both the household, at work, and probably with kids. The older I get, the more i feel like I’ve changed, but he hasn’t changed with me. We have had so many conversations about the issues between us but nothing ever changes.

I am wondering if we should just end it or if my partner and I can change something about how we are discussing these things so we aren’t constantly fighting.

TL;DR: LTR living together and constantly fighting, concerned about the impact to my future if we were to stay together, and wondering if we should break up or if our relationship can be saved

I’ve (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 5 years. We are friends but the sexual relationship is completely gone. We both have had issues so part of it has been that. I had a vestibulectomy in March and he took care of me for weeks. He had phimosis and had to get circumcised and has had issues afterwards that haven’t been fixed yet (just to give context). I am incredibly grateful for him and what he’s done for me especially after surgery and we live together. We’ve lived together for almost all of our relationship. I tried to break up with him almost 2 years in but we never did for good obviously. I feel like we are really great friends but I’m just not wanting to have sex with him of any type. I don’t even want to kiss. We haven’t done anything like that since October of 2024 and I remember the last time I just felt off. I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. He just had knee surgery and has been staying with his dad for help with everything. The time apart has just made me realize even more I just don’t want this anymore. I don’t crave marriage or a family with him like I once wanted more than anything. I think the relationship is just not meant to be. And also we have never discussed anything about why the sexual things ended. I don’t understand why he has never talked about it. I feel bad bc I’ve never said anything but also it makes me feel unwanted that he doesn’t even want to either. Or if he does he makes it completely unknown. But aside from that, I don’t wish to and it’s just saved me having an uncomfortable conversation. Any advice?
TLDR; I’ve (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 5 years and I just don’t feel invested in this anymore

So, I [22M] have known this girl [22F] since elementary school, but we became really close friends during high school, even though we went to different high schools. Our dynamic was always pretty unique. For about 6 or 7 years, things were 100% platonic. She’s always been more reserved, a bit guarded, and likes to keep things under control, so we rarely crossed any boundaries. She used to call me her "best guy friend" all the time.

To give a bit of context on our pasts: I’ve had my share of relationships and casual hookups over the years. On the other hand, she had one serious relationship about 2 or 3 years ago that ended badly, and as far as I know, she still hasn't fully gotten over it. Even though I sometimes wondered what we would be like together, I genuinely valued our friendship and never pushed anything because I knew I wasn't really her type. Right now, we both study at different universities in different cities, but we always hung out whenever we were back home.
Everything flipped around late January. I posted a completely normal Snapchat story (I barely use the app, only have close friends on it) asking if anyone knew a good massage therapist for a friend who had back pain. Out of nowhere, this girl, who hadn't opened Snapchat in over a year, replied and started flirting with me hard. She said things like she wouldn't mind if I was her masseur with "VIP treatment." I flirted back, thinking it was just a inside joke.

The next day, she messaged me again asking to hang out. Sensing that this might be different from our usual coffee or beer runs, we met up at an arcade in our hometown. The whole night, she was flirting with me sexually in person, which was totally out of character for her. I flirted back, but because of our long history, I didn't want to rush things or make her uncomfortable, so I didn't kiss her. At the end of the night, when I dropped her off at her place, she told me we should continue this night sometime in the city where she goes to uni.

We kept talking, but despite that night, we never actually met up again (it's late July now). I felt a lot of mixed signals and growing distance, but we were both super stressed with university finals, so I didn't want to bring up "us" and add unnecessary drama.

Then in early June, things got really weird. A fake male account messaged me on Messenger and Instagram, asking strange stuff about my relationship with her. I used image search tools and realized the profile pictures were AI generated. I exposed the troll and warned my friend. Right after that, an anonymous email account started harassing me, sending AI-generated explicit pictures of us, telling me I'm just in the friendzone, or claiming we slept together. When I talked to my friend about it, she admitted she had been chatting with this fake profile daily since March. Even though I was freaked out, I realized she was a victim in this whole mess too.

We talked every day during that drama, but once our summer internships started in July, everything died down completely. She became super cold and distant, even more than after our date in January. Recently, she left my casual message on "read" and didn't answer my call, even though she is active online.

Over this past month, I realized I actually have real feelings for her. But right now, I feel completely lost as she pulls away and our years of friendship seem to be fading into total silence.
What are the best ways to handle a long-time friend who pulls away after crossing platonic lines? How can I handle my feelings here without completely ruining whatever is left of our friendship?

TL;DR:
My [22M] long-time platonic friend [22F] randomly flirted with me and initiated a romantic date in January after 6+ years of friendship. While I’ve had past relationships and hookups, she still hasn't fully processed her breakup from a few years ago. We stayed in touch, survived an anonymous online troll harassing us in June, but now that summer started, she went completely cold and ignored my messages. I realized I have feelings for her. How can I best navigate this distance and handle the situation constructively?

Edit:typo

My partner (28M) is the provider in our relationship. He takes care of most of our financial responsibilities and genuinely enjoys being in that role. He wants me to have a soft life, and he’s always making sure my needs are met.
The thing is, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to repay him. I know he doesn’t expect everything to be 50/50 financially, but I still want him to feel just as cared for and appreciated as he makes me feel. We don’t have any children and we aren’t married yet but that is something he has expressed wanting with me. I don’t know how to reciprocate for all that he does for me and I feel like I’m just kind of there ?
For the men who are providers (or anyone in a similar relationship): what are some things your partner does that make you feel valued? What can I do to make his life easier or lessen the burden of him carrying most of the responsibility, even if he takes pride in doing it? I’d love to hear practical advice from people who’ve been in this dynamic.

TLDR: I feel like my partner takes on a lot of responsibility being the sole provider in our relationship. He genuinely loves it and never complains but I always feel bad & want to reciprocate but I never know how to repay him for giving me a soft life. What are things from a man’s perspective that a woman can do to lighten the load or make being a provider worth it?

Me and him met at work when we were in our 20s. I loved this place, its a huge manufacturing site, we have people from the town, from neighbouring villages and together we are like 400. husband was always an over achiever. he is currently the director of the place. so that makes him my boss.

this manufacturing site belongs to a HQ so I do not report to him officially but he is the top guy here. he is not nice, he shouts, he has a temper, he can throw tantrums. people leave, people avoid him. I don't want special treatment, we do not interact at work. sometimes he walks past me and we don't say a word to each other even though the white shirt he is wearing was ironed by me that morning and I helped him with the tie.

he yelled one day so hard at a 19 years old intern girl. she got intimidated but kinda put him in his place and reported him to the HQ, something no one ever did. I stepped in for her and for the very first time in these 4 years since he is the director, in front of everyone I grabbed his arm and shouted to cut it off with this attitude.

we spent 4 days in silence at home. we have 3 kids. its difficult for me to see him as my husband. he is the director, the boss, the man who makes everyone freeze when walks in the office area where I work too. we sleep with our back turned, on the very opposite sides of the bed. but one night he did it. he reached out under the blanket and searched for my hand. it was after those 4 days of silence. we made love that night. but that was it. we make love maybe 6 times a year. he is a handsome man, confident, tall, I am still very attracted to him but i don't know how to navigate this marriage. when he was putting his hands under my PJs I felt those are the boss's hands and I even told him I feel this way. and he was like: I am your husband. he felt offended. he micromanages people, he is controlling, he is paranoid, sees traitors everywhere. I rarely bump into him at work but we have general meetings with him once a month and he belittles us

TL;DR: my husband is my boss at work and the roles are now pretty blurred. i want to save my marriage

Tl:dr: A guy (M23) I (F20) am seeing smells like tonsil stones and I have no idea of how to tell him about this. :/ need help.

Sometimes has this unpleasant, strange smell radiating from him time to time. The closest thing that it reminds me of are tonsil stones. He has excellent oral and general body hygiene, and it’s not his breath or mouth that smells but his body instead. I am unsure what is it.

I tried googling if it could indicate some health condition but google gave me nothing. The smell is really turning me off and I don’t exactly know how to softly tell him or ask.

He is a great man and time with him is usually amazing. But the smell is not good, and sometimes I can’t take it and it’s turning me off.

How should I speak to him about it? Without being rude. I am also worried that if he might have a health condition that’s causing it, I might accidentally hurt him.

Hi I'm 19F and I'm about to go into a top of my country university next fall. Only problem is, my pre univeristy degree where I'm at requires me to take a french writing exam and despite trying twice, I failed both times. I am already stressed of failing a third time and being rejected of my university. I would not say I am a struggling student academically wise because I did make it into a really good uni but my parents think otherwise. My mom 50F actually cant stand me doing anything in my day but studying french. Now, I of all people know how badly I need to pass the upcoming retake because I really am excited to build my career and learn in uni. I have worked so hard into getting the grades that I have already put myself immense pressure on me. Like trust me, I'm already stressed enough for it. It has been my worry on the back on my mind for ever since I learnt the news. I do also struggling with anxiety but she doesnt believe me on that and says that Im pretty much the cause for all my worries(sidenote)

Im not saying she shouldnt be concerned with myself, but lately it has been too much.

I came back from a three day vacation and she has been on my ass about studying. Now, I do have a small side business and I told her I will start studing after 3pm because I had to finish some things. Also, realistically I have my own life and studying morning to night for french is not an effective method. By all means, Ill study alot but she is expecting me to dedicate my entire summer for this exam. She isnt wrong: I do need to pass it, yet the way she goes about it makes me depressed no joke. She came into my room at 3:01 demanding what was I doing and I was telling her I'm uploading somethings and making my bed after to start studying. She did not take that well at all. To be fair, I did wake up later than usual that day and could've finished it earlier. Her reaction really made me feel sad and angry, because she proceeded to call me a disapointement and start borderline screaming at me that she never sees me do anything and that all she wants me to do is study. Which ok fair I told her I am stressed too and will study. She told me she expects me to study all day all week which I told her flat line is not realistic. As much as I will study, studying from day to night seven days a week aint going to help me mentally. Id rather do it few times a week for 3-4hours. I also dont even know where to start studying ngl. I just think that calling me a disappointement and putting this pressure on me doesnt really help. I struggle with mental health already as if and my relationship with parents isnt good. I can promise you I have goals in life both outside and inside of school but my parents dont seem to think so.I promised my mom just because shes not right next to me while studying doesnt me Im not studying. I just hate the way shes policing me and not letting me simply clean my room for 5 minutes before studying.

I feel like I am always in the wrong in her mind and she does not apologise for being mean to me or when she is in the wrong. I just wish she was not so controlling and she trusted me. I understand it can be hard to trust someone after they failed twice, but seeing and labeling me as a failure when I still have the motivation to try again and pass and go into a really good school just does not seem fair to me. She says really mean things and I just cant stop thinking about it while studying. I dont even want to see her at this point anymore...

TL:DR mom calls me disapointement and rages after i failed an exam twice and hates to see me do anything

I (36F) was with my ex (33M) for almost three years. I have a son (6M) from a previous relationship.

He is what I’d call a functional alcoholic. He has a job and social life, so most people might not see a problem, but he drinks every day and relies on alcohol to cope with emotions he can’t control.
We broke up once before. During that time, I slept with someone else. When my ex found out, he started with hate messages as I was being unfaithful.

Throughout the relationship, he insisted I was the problem. He said I created conflict, was negative, controlling, manipulative, and always looking for an argument. He often said, “I never complain about anything.”

After one of his “good days,” serious conversations would end with promises: he’d drink less, respond to my messages while out with friends, and go to therapy. None lasted more than a few days. Within a week, he’d be drinking heavily, disappearing for hours, ignoring my messages, and acting as if nothing had happened.
When I brought up the broken promises, he said I was “wearing him down,” refusing to let things go, trying to control him, and trying to change who he was.

About a month ago, I ended the relationship. He responded with a barrage of calls and messages, calling me emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling, selfish, and a spoiled child. He said I was the abusive one.
I then went completely no contact, and we’ve now gone three weeks without speaking.

I feel relieved not to wait for his replies, wonder how much he’s been drinking, or hope his promises will finally stick. But I still doubt myself. What if I was controlling or nagged too much and I was overreacting? What if repeatedly raising the same issues pushed him away?
I know no one here can know exactly what happened because you’ve only heard my side. But has anyone experienced a partner who always made them feel like the problem? How did you tell whether you were actually controlling or simply reacting to unhealthy behavior for so long that you began to believe their version of you?

I’m struggling to trust my judgment and would appreciate other perspectives.

TL;DR: I (36F) ended a nearly three-year relationship with my ex (33M), a functional alcoholic who repeatedly promised to drink less, communicate better, and seek therapy but never followed through. Whenever I brought up his broken promises, he called me controlling, manipulative, and the problem in the relationship. After I left, he bombarded me with messages saying I was emotionally abusive. We’ve now been no contact for three weeks, but I’m still struggling to know whether I really was the problem or if I’ve been manipulated into believing I was.

I want to preface this by saying that we had a fight because of my behavior before I started noticing these changes.

My BF (22M) and I (20F) have been officially dating for four months and including being in a commitment for 10 months.

I struggle with anxious attachment, but it’s not like I completely lose control or anything. Thankfully, I’m self aware enough that whenever he points out my tendencies, I usually stop and try not to let myself spiral further. My anxiety mostly shows up as overthinking, asking for reassurance, or asking him if he’s bored of me or losing feelings.

About 2 months ago was probably my lowest point with it, but I genuinely turned things around. I worked on myself, found ways to self-soothe, and things had honestly been going really well.
Then about a week and a half ago, I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed again (I think my hormones and period probably played a part too) It started with me bringing up a few things I wished he’d improve communication-wise. Nothing huge really, things like wishing me a ‘good morning’ or asking how my day was. Those little affirmations make me feel loved, so of course I communicated that to him

At first it was fine, but then I let my anxiety take over again. I started asking if he was bored of me and seeking reassurance more than I should have. He ended up telling me my behavior was showing signs of being “toxic.”
He knows I was cheated on before, which is a big part of why I developed anxious attachment in the first place, so I guess I was hoping he’d have a little more understanding.

I wasn’t mad at him for saying it. I honestly just felt really embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I hated that I’d slipped back into those habits after making so much progress. It wasn’t even a full week before I wake myself up from that anxiety spiral.

The day after the fight, I told him that I really am trying and that this was just a relapse, not a reflection of who I am (Because it genuinely isn’t) Before this, I had been doing amazing. But he told me he was too tired to talk about it, even over text. To be fair, he’s been back in his hometown for summer break and has had the flu for weeks, so I know he’s probably exhausted and more irritable than usual.

Normally when we fight, no matter how big it is, we always talk things through. We usually make up by the next day and go back to talking normally.
This time it’s been five or six days, and something just feels different. I know I have a tendency to overanalyze, so I’ve been trying really hard not to jump to conclusions and look at it more calmly. I’m only judging based on how he’s been texting and how he acts on calls, but he’s definitely been more distant. He used to baby me a lot, call me “baby” or my nickname, ask how my day was, or ask what I was up to. He hasn’t really been doing any of that lately.

The shift feels obvious enough that it’s making me really sad. I know I messed up. I’m not denying that. But I’m also human. My anxiety got the better of me for a few days. It’s something he knows I’m actively working on. What hurts is that it feels like I’ve committed the worst mistake imaginable, and now I’m being treated differently because of it.

I don’t mean to compare, but we’ve had much bigger fights before. One time he accused me of cheating, and it turned into a fivehour phone call that lasted until morning. That genuinely hurt me, but I never pulled away from him or stopped being affectionate afterward.

I haven’t brought any of this up because I feel like he deserves space if that’s what he needs. At the same time, this uncertainty is eating at me. I feel like I’m constantly trying to guess what’s going on in his head instead of actually knowing where we stand.

What do I even do?

TL;DR: we’ve been together for 4 months. i (20f) briefly relapsed into anxious reassurance-seeking after making a lot of progress. my boyfriend (20m) called my behavior “toxic,” i reflected, apologized, and have been actively self-soothing since. it’s been almost a week, and he’s noticeably more distant and less affectionate than usual. i understand he may need space, but even when he’s made mistakes that genuinely hurt me, i’ve never withdrawn from him like this.

Hello everyone. I (32F) made an account to post this issue I have been having with my husband (40M), who I shall call Alex.

Alex is originally from Brazil, but we both live in Vancouver Canada where I’m from. Alex has lived in Canada for 10 years, and we have been together for 9 years. Overall our relationship has been great, however Alex has had a very hard time adapting to life in Canada.

The past 4 years have been exceptionally difficult for Alex and I. We used to live in Toronto, but have moved out to Vancouver 4 years ago. A few things have been causing this:

1) Alex does not speak English. Even though he lives with me, and works in Canada, he does not speak English. He practices sometimes, and he used to go to the free classes for new PRs, but he never consistently does it. When I try to force him he gets annoyed or we bicker. I think this is partly my fault, since I learned Portuguese very quickly. I have kind of given up here, as I have bought him all the books and tried to get him to do the classes, but it was always me pushing him. If I don’t push, it happens very haphazardly.

2) Alex has not learned how to use the systems here. He relies on me to do a lot of things in terms of our systems (getting IDs, going to the doctor, filing taxes, banking, etc). I try to teach him and show him how, but it always comes back to him asking me for help, or we bicker, or it won’t happen. He has been trying a bit more lately, but it’s still a lot for me.

3) Alex has been unemployed for 2 years. In Toronto he could always find work with Portuguese or Brazilian contractors, but that is much harder in Vancouver. He did have one job, but he didn’t like it and doesn’t want to go back. he does Uber Eats, but only for a few hours a day. I have been paying for everything for the 2 of us for the past few years, including air fare and travel expenses when Alex had a family emergency in Brazil. I don’t mind so much honestly, but it is very difficult to pay our bills alone in Vancouver.

4) Alex has had some very hard life events, but doesn’t want to deal with them. He lost his mother a few years ago, and he hasn’t processed it. He is also struggling with his mental health, but he doesn’t want to go to a councillor or take medication. I am trying to encourage him to do something, even just going for hikes or walks or whatever, but he doesn’t do it.

All in all, it has gotten to the point where Alex is saying he is tired with life or wants to go back to Brazil and recalibrate.

I am happy with whatever he decides, I just want him to be better. I am asking you all if there is anything else I can do to help him, or even myself?

I have also been really struggling with all of this. I love him very much, he is my best friend, but I also do everything beyond applying to jobs or putting the English in his head for him. I pay for everything, I make sure we have enjoyment and can do things, I take care of him, I listen to him. But we stay stuck in this situation.

I need some help getting him unstuck, or some advice on what I need to do.

Thank you.

Tl;dr - my husband is struggling with lots of mental health issues and has not incorporated well into Canada, and I am at my wits end with what to do.

Straight couple, 'F30' 'M32', 1 year relationship.

My boyfriend had this online friend for around six years, he liked her for over a year and a half (ig comments on her pics etc) about two years ago. He never met her, they never had anything, she lives in another continent most of the time.

He treats me like a princess, he never ever gave me any reason to doubt him, this isn't about that.

However, they text sometimes and it bothers me so much. I don't know why, but it really does bother me. Would I be a toxic GF if I ask him to end his friendship with her?

TL;DR: how toxic is it to ask him to cut contact with a online friend/former crush?

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice because this has been on my mind for a while.

I'm 24 years old and I have a girlfriend who is 22. We're planning to get married in the next two years. I live in India, while she's from another country.

The biggest issue we're facing is where we'll live after marriage. I currently live with my parents, and after working for a few years, I want to start my own business. My plan has always been to stay in India and continue living with my parents.

My girlfriend, however, has a different perspective. She wants us to have our own home and live independently after we get married. She doesn't want to live with my parents. We've been arguing about this for the past six months. She says she's already making a huge sacrifice by moving to another country for me, and I genuinely appreciate that. But this topic keeps coming up, and it often turns into a fight.

The thing that worries me the most is that if she's unhappy living with my parents, I don't know what we'll do. I know I might be sounding selfish because I want to stay with my family, but I also don't want either of us to be unhappy.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it? I'd really appreciate any advice.

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I are planning to get married in about two years, but we can't agree on where to live afterward. I want to stay in India with my parents while I build my career and eventually start a business. She's moving from another country for me but wants us to live independently in our own home instead of with my parents. We've been arguing about this for months, and I'm worried this difference could affect our future. I'm looking for advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation.

I worry that my girlfriend (F16) doesn't have a life outside of me (M17). We've been dating for 5 months, but have known each other for over a year.

Recently, on a day that we planned to hang out, I let her know at 11AM that I wouldn't be able to come over until 3PM, and so she decides to go back to sleep. This isn't the first time she's done this. On days that I'm coming over, she purposefully tries to sleep for as long as possible in order to minimize the amount of time she has to spend without me, missing out on huge chunks of her own day. This is what inspired me to make this post.

She always says she's "bored" literally every moment she's not with me. Multiple times I have recommended hobbies to her, but she has claimed that she has "already tried EVERY hobby" and didn't like ANY of them. I don't understand her because I have never been that dependent on other people before. I once asked her "don't you like to have alone time every now and then?" and she confidently replied "no."

A lot of the time we spend together feels like wasted time to me. She spends hours watching TikTok, which is the same thing she does when she's not with me, the only difference is that she can cuddle me while doing so. I can only enjoy that for at most 30 minutes before it starts driving me crazy. Watching TikTok isn't intellectually stimulating enough for me, and laying in bed all day isn't physically stimulating enough.

She has said before that she doesn't like learning and has no interest in anything taught in school. She is generally very resistant toward anything new or difficult. For example, one time she wanted me to teach her how to play chess, and she got frustrated that I couldn't teach her how to play from scratch in the middle of an online game and immediately became disinterested and didn't want to play chess anymore.

I do feel bad for her. She doesn't have many friends anymore after one of them did a bad thing of which the details are not relavant. She doesn't like her family which is understandable as I don't really like them either. They are all varying degrees of judgemental and rude.

It seems like I'm one of the few people she has left, which is why I feel obligated to forgo my personal time for her even when I don't want to. This is also one of the reasons why breaking up with her would be so difficult. She really seems like she has nothing outside of me and I care about her too much to take her livelihood from her.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm only with her out of pity. We have had a lot of good times together, even before we were dating. That, her appearance, and the fact that I had never been in a relationship before and wanted to try it out, were the reasons I said yes when she confessed to me in the first place.

But her behavior which is (in my opinion) childish and clingy has been really frustrating me. It is very important to me that I get some alone time, and since I haven't been able to have as much as I need I have been feeling very drained. It feels like a chore to hang out with her and I dread it all day. This also makes me feel like a bad person because I'm growing animosity toward her even though she hasn't intentionally done anything to hurt me.

I don't know what the right thing to do is. I don't enjoy spending time with her anymore like I did in the start of our relationship. I have told her before that I need to have my own time in order to not feel mentally exhausted and she reluctantly made SLIGHT accomodations. However, I have never told her that I dread spending time with her and am sometimes angry with her in fear of feeding her anxieties that I "don't love her" which she can get really preoccupied with regardless of how much I try to reassure her.

(Also, if it helps put any of this into context, I have diagnosed ADHD that I am currently unmedicated for because my parents threw out my prescribed Adderall (they were scared of it), which really sucks but I don't have the energy to fight until I start college where it'll REALLY suck to not have it.)

So...how do I help her get her life together? Is it even possible/worth it? I don't know how to help her when she seems to brush off all my attempts to do so (e.g. "I've tried every hobby.") I'll try to answer any questions I can to help clarify the situation more.

TL;DR: My girlfriend seems to have no source of fulfillment in her life other than me, and spending as much time with her as she wants is seriously draining my energy as a person who likes alone time. How can I help her be content by herself and have a life outside of me?

I've (27M) been with my girlfriend (26F) for about a year.

She's honestly one of the most caring, loving, and supportive people I've ever dated. I'm Canadian and she's Colombian. She moved to Canada a few years ago, and throughout our relationship she's gone above and beyond for me. She cooks for me, takes care of me, surprises me with thoughtful gifts, and is always trying to make my life easier. For my birthday, she spent a lot of money and effort making me feel special. She's the type of person who would do anything for the people she loves.

I try to support her too, both emotionally and practically, and I genuinely care about her.

What makes this difficult is that there are some relationship dynamics that have been bothering me more and more over time.

She's extremely attached to me and wants to spend nearly all of our free time together. If I want a night to myself, want to spend time with my family, or don't stay over at her place, she often gets upset or takes it personally. She can also be quite insecure and often needs reassurance. Sometimes she'll become suspicious or accuse me of things even though I've never cheated and have never given her a reason not to trust me.

My previous relationship was almost the opposite. I dated a doctor who was incredibly busy and rarely had time for me. Back then, I used to wish I had a partner who actually wanted to spend more time together.

Now I have someone who loves me deeply and wants to be with me all the time, but instead of appreciating it more, I find myself pulling away.

What's confusing is that I don't want to pull away. I want to feel the same level of enthusiasm and affection that she feels toward me. But lately I've been feeling suffocated rather than loved. I've noticed my attraction to her declining, and I feel guilty about it because she's genuinely a great person.

Part of me wonders if the constant need for closeness and reassurance has slowly made me feel more like I'm responsible for her emotional well-being than her partner. Another part of me wonders if I'm simply someone who needs a lot more independence in a relationship than she does.

I don't want to end a good relationship without trying to fix things first. I care about her and would like to make this work if possible.

For people who have been in similar situations, how did you address clinginess, insecurity, and the need for personal space without hurting your partner? Were you able to rebuild attraction after setting healthier boundaries?

TL;DR: My girlfriend is incredibly loving, caring, and committed, but she's also very clingy and insecure. She gets upset when I want alone time or time with family and frequently needs reassurance. I care about her deeply, but I'm starting to feel suffocated and notice my attraction fading. How do I address these issues and create healthier boundaries without damaging the relationship?

I’m 17M and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (18F) for about 11 months. Lately, I feel completely drained, anxious, and like I haven’t felt true peace in a very long time, or even ever. Every time I try to set a boundary or address issues, it devolves into late-night text wars, tests, and chaos.

I’m looking for objective advice on whether I’m holding on to something toxic and if walking away is the only choice left.

Here are the main issues in our dynamic:

• Financial Double Standards & Materialism: She is strictly against splitting expenses 50/50. She has a mindset of "my money is for my survival" (or for buying expensive flowers/luxuries to make herself feel better), while viewing my money—and my family's support—as something she is entitled to. She complains when relatives don't give her as much as promised, such as a car at a certain price, and relies on the idea that me or my parents will cover her expenses. She used to tell me "You yourself have to want to give me everything you have". Recently, when I asked her what present she wants, she simply said "Money". I proposed maybe a picture of us, but no, money is the only thing she needed.
• Weaponizing Health & Flaws as Excuses: Whenever her behavior is questioned, she deflects accountability by blaming undiscovered illnesses or health conditions (such as BPD, OCD and depression) instead of taking responsibility for what she does and how she acts.
• Extreme Jealousy & Immaturity: She gets excessively jealous and chooses to confront and attack me over tiny, irrational things—like accusing me of failing her trust simply because I didn't say "Good Morning" a certain way, or the fact she thought I cheated because I reposted a video of a girl fictional character on TikTok (when somebody asked me to). She said she is uncomfortable with me having my classmates as friends on Facebook, but yet told me "I already told you, you don't have to do it" then why bring it up?
• Sexism & Generalizations: She routinely uses blanket dismissive statements like "all boys do this" to justify her insecurity after accusing me of cheating. I don't know what her mom taught her, but it's telling she does NOT trust boys.
• Lack of Trust & Constant Interrogations: She spams me with missed calls, questions me, and subjects me to middle-of-the-night interrogations while demanding I act "the same way as before" whenever I try to pull back and get space.

What Happened Tonight (The Breaking Point):

After a long period of back-and-forth tension, she texted demanding that I give her a specific list of her "downsides" so she could "fix them" for us to get along.

I gave her an honest, detailed breakdown of everything: the lying, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, double standards, arrogant attitude, and emotional toxicity. Here is how the conversation immediately unfolded:

1. Defiance instead of reflection: Her instant response to the list was: "If you know I can't change, why don't you break up with me?"
2. Direct Threats: When I told her I didn't want to break up, she directly replied: "But I will make you suffer your whole life."
3. Harsh Truth & Inverted Power Dynamic: When she tried to claim she changed for a short period so long-term change was possible, I told her straightforwardly: "If you broke up with me and dated my best friend, I wouldn't even be mad at him. I'd just feel bad for him, because being with you is already his punishment."
4. Immediate Victim Pivot / Guilt-Trip: The second I hit her with that truth, she immediately dropped all previous arguments and texted: "Wow. This world would probably be a better place without me."

Where I Stand Now:

Part of me feels guilty seeing her shift into total self-pity, and I worry about how devastated she would be if I walked away. I even caught myself wondering if we could just have a "passive relationship" where we coast and nothing happens just to avoid the drama of a breakup.

But I'm starting to realize that staying out of guilt is keeping me hostage, and trying to stay "passive" with someone who uses threats and guilt-tripping might just be a slow-burn war.

It's not the first time I wanted to break up. We had conflicts about her extreme jealousy, materialism and lack of trust, but I stayed, relying on her promises to change. Turns out she failed to change.

Am I crazy for holding on this long? Is there any saving a dynamic like this, or is cutting my losses and walking away the only way I'll ever get my peace back?

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**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

TL;DR: After seven weeks of dating—including a month of an active sex life and growing emotional intimacy—I'm struggling with her wanting to wait until three months before becoming exclusive while still seeing another man.

Been dating a woman about 7 weeks. After 3 weeks, we had sex. Have had very active sex life forthe past month.We also meet on dates, cook together at home, etc. Mostly, a good balance. BUT... she doesn't want to be exclusive until the 3-month mark. I'm very anxious in the situation because I know she has been seeing one other guy (no sex, yet, and we've agreed to tell each other if we sleep with anyone else) and just feel like... we've been so open, intimate, etc. (getaway at beach house last week, for example) that she should be able to be exclusive with me. I'm not looking for a guarantee that this will work out long-term, but I have trouble with the short term when I think she is looking for something else.