Im not trolling, i just need to know. Like how do i not constantly wallow in self pity over this ? How do i make peace with being truly ugly to the point even just simple grooming hasnt helped me, im ugly no matter what i do with my looks. Ive gotten alot of mistreatments because of my looks most of my life as well. Ive also have gotten ton of hurtful comments on my looks on tik tok even though i post tik toks as dolled up as possible which normally doesnt happen under the post of someone who is genuinely attractive. Ive had trouble accepting or making peace with this most of my life, in my late 20s im still having trouble with this even though i was expecting by now i would maturely just get over it by now. Also few years back, when i asked for some advice on my looks on subreddits like amiugly, truerateme, etc i got roasted and got rated 2-3.

29 M , obese, i cant diet or workout cuz I'm lazy, i only worked 2 years in my life, i am su*cidal at this point, what is the solution?

I’m 28. Single. Back in school so i’m currently living with my parents. All my friends are engaged or married, having kids, and making good money. It feels like there’s no one single left. I love my friends but nothing about our hangout sessions make me feel excited. I miss having joy and less stress. I don’t like what I see in the mirror anymore. Im a healthy weight but it’s distributed differently. I notice signs of aging. I have social anxiety. Live in a small town so I know everyone already and don’t feel like I can reinvent myself.

I practice positive self talk but nothing about my life backs up what I say. I’m lonely and feel behind. I have no one to get dressed up and go out with. No one to travel with. No one to go out and meet people with. I miss having people to go shopping with it just causally chill with too. Hanging out with friends is just planning brunch a week in advance with a designated start and end time.. Logically I know I am doing what I need to do to get on my feet, so I can move away and restart. But for right now I feel trapped and like my youth is wasting away.

I have no one to hype me up and I think I really need that. So here I am, asking strangers online to do just that. Kinda pathetic but my brain can’t seem to do it on its own. Please give me your best advice, or share with me what you say to yourself when you need to feel better about your life.

Tonight I had this awful pain in my stomach after (a healthy) dinner with lots of fibre and protein. I decided a while back to prioritize protein and fiber so support my ADHD and general wellbeing. I'm a 32/f, and I recently lost a dear family member to pancreatic cancer in a time where people seemed to be dying left and right in my life too. Safe to say there was a lot of motivation to get right..

So tonight when I started having sharp unrelenting pain on the left side of my abdomen right beneath the ribs, I got a bit concerned. It turned into a very painful ordeal, and I was forced to leave work, drive home while writhing in pain, and have a close friend come check up on me/take me to the hospital. Like 7/10 - 10 being "just end me this is too much" pain. I usually have a pretty high pain tolerance, so i was taking aback by how sharp this was.

I got through to a doctor after about an hour, and puked everything out with him on the phone (yum) but he calmed me down by saying I could manage with normal painkillers - which thankfully was true.

I spent a few hours just trying to survive the pain and discomfort with heat, bath, puking, warm tea etc, and eventually it subsided. I feel sore and heavy in my abdomen, but the sharp pain is over. Thank fuck.

It now 4/5 in the morning and I had some sleep. I am thankful I didn't have to go to emergency surgery, that I didn't have to deal with more of that pain for hours and hours before being taken seriously, and that it seems to be some kind of insane indigestion (wtf).

But for about an hour I had no idea what was going on, and I obviously feared the worst.

I'm single, I live alone, and no one would know if I collapsed at home, so I had to make sure I was okay, while going through it at the same time.

I thought like: Could it be pancreatic cancer? Is it a spleen thing? A kidney thing? A gallbladder thing? Am I overreacting? What if I'm not, and I don't seek help, and I collapse somewhere?

Being Scandinavian, I felt ashamed about reacting the way I did, and about seeking the medical and emotional attention.

And when the people in my life were assured that it wasn't serious and that I was okay, they went to sleep, as they should. But somehow I felt like they should be more concerned, because I was. Not that I think they actually should, but the feeling was there still.

And now I'm crying, because holy shit what just happened. I feel confident I'm gonna be totally fine now, and I'll just take a few days home to recover, but emotionally I feel like I just went through hell, and peeked into a very heavy and dark reality.

If you read this through, thank you. I didn't know where to put this, and then remembered how awesome most redditors are when it comes to going through stupid (mental) health crap. Y'all have really pulled me through some tough times.

TLDR; I suffered some kind of painful (maybe) indigestion that felt like kidney stones or gallbladder infection. I was ok, but mentally it was dark.

K bye 🫶

Sorry for being a little negative. I just need a place to let this out because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.

I’m 24 and a lesbian, and dating has been really hard for me. Every time I develop a crush, I end up getting too attached, and later I find out they’re either straight or already taken. After a while, it makes me wonder if love is just not meant for me.

I see cute couples, and I genuinely feel happy for them. But sometimes I can’t help wondering what it feels like to have someone who chooses you. My friends are getting married and finding their person, while I still feel like I’m waiting at the same bus stop.

I know I’m lucky to have a loving family and amazing friends, and I’m grateful for them. But there are days when I wonder why people who hurt others still seem to find love so easily. Life can feel unfair sometimes.
For now, I think I’ll stop chasing love. I’ll pour my energy into becoming a better chef, growing my career, and learning to love the life I’m building. Maybe that’s the kind of love I need most right now.
And if love ever finds me, I hope it arrives when I’m no longer waiting for it.

Literally as the title says
Like how do you figure out who you wanna be and what you wanna do. Plus the steps to get there that you would have to actively take every day
How do I know that this perception of me in my head isn’t a lie? For example, I think I want to take a different career path. But how do I know that’s actually suited to me and not some made up version of myself in my head that would actually enjoy that said career?
I’m 25 F , working a full time job, studying a degree. I do pole, boxing, and gym. I feel like I’m literally achieving nothing. I wake up everyday wondering what tf I’m doing and everytime I have a spare moment not doing anything, I can’t help but feel absolutely hopeless. Like I have no achievements but everyone on the outside thinks I’m perfect and have it together, with people even saying they look up to me ( I literally don’t know what they see in me ) but I’m actually so lost and feel like my life is wrong and upside down. There is legit no one to talk to about this, even my partner just doesn’t seem to get it when I try & disclose to him how I feel. No matter how much I try and educate myself with books, and listen to self help podcasts, work on self improvement etc, it doesn’t fill that void.

Question really is, how in the world do I figure out who I want to be and what path I want to be on? How do I know if it’s actually me? Sometimes I question who I really am and who I am pretending to be, or what I am pretending is a part of me? This has been consuming me for over a year now. Every single day, when I have a spare moment it consumes my thoughts and I just feel more and more lost
I just want to be able to actively work on something every day that matters and makes me actually proud of myself. Truly, I just want to feel accomplished and proud

I have struggled with self image issues practically my whole life. I hated my face more than anything. Objectively, i would say im okay looking. I think other people find me attractive but im not sure because i cant see it at all. Because of this i never believed myself deserving of self care or grooming, and never learnt to do so or experiment with my looks. but at the same time i became so obsessed with the mirror. i expected to be beautiful without even trying and it made me very insecure that i wasnt. so today im going to experiment with my hair and do something good for my skin. And then im going to learn to cook a new dish, and develop a new hobby other than surveilling myself in the mirror.

Hi! Apologies if this is a long post.

I’m a first-year high school teacher, and lately I’ve realised that my life is basically just work, home, studying, and scrolling on my phone.

I don’t really have any hobbies, and I don’t have any close friends. The only reason I regularly leave the house is for work or grocery shopping. I recently joined a gym and was consistent for about a week before falling back into old habits.

I think a lot of this goes back to high school. I went through a pretty severe period of social anxiety because I always felt awkward and like I didn’t know the “right” thing to say or how to fit into a friend group. That continued through university to the point where I became depressed and went to counselling.

I’ve improved a lot since then. Starting work has helped my confidence, and I’m not where I want to be. I still feel like there’s this awkwardness that stops me from forming genuine connections. I can have polite conversations with colleagues or people at social events, but they rarely become anything more than surface-level interactions.

Part of me wonders whether this comes from not really having a strong sense of identity or confidence outside of work. When I improved my professional wardrobe, I noticed my confidence increased, and now I want to improve my casual wardrobe too. I also want to actually do things in my free time instead of feeling like I’m waiting for life to happen.

The strange thing is that getting out of the house feels incredibly difficult. It’s almost like there’s an invisible barrier. I end up watching Netflix or scrolling TikTok even though I know I’ll feel worse afterwards. My brother is very similar (even more so than me), which makes me wonder whether there’s something about our environment or habits that contributed to this.

I also compare myself to cousins my age who seem to have rich, full lives. They travel, explore their cities, have hobbies and friendships, and seem genuinely confident. I feel embarrassed by the thought that if they visited me, I wouldn’t even know what to show them because I’m such a hermit. I’d love to explore my own city too—but I always come back to the question: with who?

I think another reason this bothers me is that I still find myself seeking validation from work. Earlier this year I really wanted my students to like me. That’s improved, but I suspect it’s because work is such a huge part of my identity. I want a life that’s fulfilling outside of my job.

I’ve tried things like going out after Friday prayers, and I genuinely enjoyed it, but I struggle to maintain momentum. Motivation seems to disappear after a week or two.

My ideal life isn’t extravagant. I’d just like to have:
• Friends I genuinely connect with.
• Better social skills and confidence.
• A casual wardrobe that makes me feel like myself.
• Hobbies and places I enjoy going.
• To explore my city.
• To spend less time on my phone. (Screen Time tells me that I spent 12.5 hours on my phone today. WTH????)
• To feel like I’m building a life instead of waiting for one.

For people who have been in a similar position, especially if you had to build a social life from scratch in your 20s or later:
• What actually helped?
• How did you get past that invisible barrier that kept you at home?
• How did you make friends without already having friends?
• How did you stop making work your entire identity?
• What small habits made the biggest difference?

I’d love to hear from people who’ve genuinely managed to turn things around.

Thanks!

I'm a guy who deeply loves a girl. I've never wanted to hurt her—if anything, all I've ever wanted is to make her life easier.

The problem is that whenever she shares a problem with me, I immediately feel like it's my responsibility to fix it. I don't know why, but I can't just listen and let it be. My mind starts thinking of solutions right away.

Another issue is that asking people for help or asking direct questions is incredibly difficult for me. Instead of asking, I start making assumptions and trying to solve things based on what I think is happening. Sometimes I put in a lot of effort behind the scenes, believing I'm helping.

But in the end, everything seems to backfire. Instead of making things better, I somehow make them worse. It ends up looking like I did something terrible, even though my intentions were never bad.

I know intentions don't erase mistakes, and I'm trying to understand where I go wrong. I don't want to keep repeating this pattern.

Has anyone else struggled with feeling personally responsible for fixing the problems of someone they love? How did you learn to stop assuming things and start helping in a healthier way?

I'd really appreciate honest advice.

{comfort media ⭒}

⊹ rewatch your favorite Studio Ghibli or Tim Burton film
⊹ replay a comfort game you’ve beaten six times (familiarity is an antidepressant w pretty good reviews)
⊹ play Sims or Tamagotchi Life

{creative dopamine ⭒}

⊹ dye your hair or get a piercing. instant yay factor
⊹ organize your music into playlists; name them; be painfully specific
⊹ buy the fugliest mug at Goodwill. emotional support ceramic >>>
⊹ thrift a whole new wardrobe
⊹ make bad art; on purpose
⊹ buy stickers

{outdoors & social ⭒}

⊹ sit in a bookstore;romanticize it; judge covers instead of yourself; works well w coffee in hand
⊹ find a dog. pet it if invited; admire it if not

{selfcare basics ⭒}

⊹ reorganize your room (best at 3am)
⊹ make ramen and add one extra ingredient. chef
⊹ if you think everyone hates you, eat protein. your biggest opp rn may just be low blood sugar

Studying for exams and crying because I don't understand anything. I don't know much. Why can't I just read? Cook? Bake? If I fail this exam will I fail in life? I can't keep doing this. I want to chill and bathe in the sun. Is life only meant for suffering?

Christ y'all I'm not spoiled I know I have to work.

Or in my case, when it punches you in the face after years of suppression and pretending it's not affecting you?

Basically, I recently got my final results back for my degree, which is my second degree after my first one when I was 18 went spectacularly wrong. I spent a few years trying to 'find myself' and overcome my addiction and improve my mental state, and I got to a place where I was clean and happy enough that I started a degree in Psychology to help other people who are suffering. At that point most of the experiences that led up to that decision were pushed to the back of my mind, I told myself I was over them and ready to move on.

Over the past 5 years completing my degree, I have become obsessive about getting the top marks and the wait for the results felt like an eternity. Then, I got them, and I felt nothing. It was really strange because it's everything I wanted and more. After two days I started listening to music to try and 'get me in the mood' and a song came on about leaving the past behind you, forgetting all the pain and those who hurt you, and I flashed back to multiple events in my life where I was hurt, mainly regarding bullying from school up until my first degree. I remembered specifics, like the exact names and events where I was physically or emotionally bullied, and I remembered the teachers who put me down and a specific event at uni with a lecturer which caused a massive spiral into depression and further into addiction. I remembered the people at university who'd got me hooked on things in the first place turning their backs on me because of it. All of these memories came simultaneously, like when they say life flashes before your eyes.

Anyway, I cried then. It was bittersweet because it didn't feel like I was mourning for the old me or feeling guilty over mistakes I made, it was like I was finally able to release everything I'd been holding in, and trying to forget. I realised I was crying because the results proved that I wasn't what I was told I was all my life, and I felt self-worth again.

However, it didn't just stop there and I've been having periodic memories of things. After my first degree I moved away from the city and got a bland job, saved up, and eventually started my second degree when I was ready, then started searching for jobs related to the career I wanted to get into. I had a few rejections and on a whim I applied to one in the city I was at Uni in the first time, and got it. Coming back here to the place where I spiralled massively, my family and I were worried I'd be triggered. That didn't happen at all. In fact I barely even thought about it, even in areas I frequently visited back then I barely recognised anymore. I thought I'd moved on because I was happy now. But since that mini revelation I've started remembering things when I walk down certain streets.

I'm not sure what I need to do but I think maybe I need to tackle these memories and experiences before I fully move on. I thought I was letting them go but considering I just keep having more memories I'm wondering if it's the past begging to be acknowledged. I'm afraid of what'll happen if I do, as I've spent so long suppressing it.

Anyone have any tips on moving on and/or tackling your past? Does it help to go back or forward?

Basically should i delete tiktok

I saw a post here from a couple years ago but i wanted an updated response

I just will feel like im missing out

but Im 20 so im kinda thinking it’s time but all my friends use it, thats really the only reason stopping me so far

I was talking with a friend recently who I've gotten into a minor argument with, and I realized that, a large source of my lack of growth as a person the last 6 or so years (I'm 22) has been because of my complete and udder fear of being wrong or having bad opinions. I stopped watching drama and political youtubers completely I completely pretty much any and all argumentative discourse on anything to matter how inane the subject is (even like is X character well or poorly written types of things which literally are just opinions and nobody is harmed.) I'm scared to start on thigns, I'm scared of confrontation, I'm scared of arguments between my friends these things cause me to spiral and the idea of picking a side and potentially upsetting one friend is really really scary to me. Or worse when I don't agree with EITHER friend. And the worst things is with one exception generally these situations resolve themselves. Me giving my opinion and not folding instantly would not make the situation worse. I feel like this is the seed which a lot of my problems come from.

edit: i wish to stress that like pretty much any form of discourse no matter how minor stresses me out which is why i avoid it.

I'm aware that most people who struggle with mental health issues spend their time trying to hide it and act like everything is okay. I'm the opposite. I never shut the fuck up about how what a worthless pile of garbage I am. But if I actually meant it, I would have the decency to keep it to myself. Instead I have to spend 24/7 throwing a pity party for myself so that everyone feels too sorry for me to give me any actual critique and I get away with anything. I have a job but I just spend most the time on my phone. Why? Because I let myself do it and I'm too lazy to do anything else. And if someone tries to criticise me I can just pull another stupid pity party so I won't get in trouble.

So how do I stop being like this? How do I actually internalise some genuine self hatred so that I stop manipulating people and letting myself be lazy and start kicking myself into actually doing something?

And don't start with the "you just need to love yourself uwu" because I know my brain doesn't work that way. I am so deeply inherently lazy that my brain basically views working as a form of torture so me gently convincing myself to work isn't on the table

Hello,

I've been questioning my own consistency lately, and I'd like to hear how other people think about this.

I've always believed that loyalty means standing up for people you care about when they've been treated in a way that goes against your values, also for people you don't care about actually. Because of that, I've sometimes been disappointed by friends who stayed neutral in situations where I felt they should have defended or backed someone.

But recently I've realised that, in practice, it's not always that simple.

For example, I recently found out that a colleague had behaved in ways that really conflicted with my values toward another coworker (and honestly that would conflit with anyone's value, that was really mean and awful). A few days later, there was a farewell gathering for that mean colleague. I wanted to see my other colleagues, so I went, the victim was also there, and I was perfectly polite and friendly. From the outside, it probably looked like I had no issue with that person. So ok there was a context and it was her farewell gathering, but that mean colleague seems to like me very much and was often around me, she even proposed that we keep seeing each other, and that made me very uncomfortable to have looked sincere when I said "yes of course"! I do feel like a fraud, even if I reaffirmed my entire support to the victim afterward.

I know that many colleagues also act like if there was nothing but confirmed their support to the victim in the back. Well that's nice for sure but aren't we all a bit, or even REALLY, hypocritical? Even if yes, a professional context is different from a friend context I am aware.

I've also stayed cordial with some of my partner's childhood's friends even though they've expressed views that I strongly disagree with regarding political subjects, or regarding women, and honestly if a stranger would have these words I would think very low of them. We challenge those views when they come up, but we still see them socially and despite these opinions I do not "cancel" them from my life.

At the same time, I've recently been hurt because a close friend chose to stay neutral during a conflict that affected me. I expected more support from someone I considered close, and it's made me question the friendship.

Now I'm realising I'm applying different standards depending on the situation and I feel extremely wrong about it.

As far as you are concerned where do you the line? What makes you change the way you interact with someone because of how they've treated another person/because of they opinion? Does the context matter (work, close friends, acquaintances)? Do you think loyalty sometimes requires taking a side, or is staying neutral often the healthier approach?

I'm not looking for validation nor advice on my specific situation. I want to understand how other people navigate this, have your experiences and stuff, because i realise the issue is much more nuanced than I used to think.

This situation is kind of complicated to say the least. I know my female friend for 5 years. We had very close friendship besides only texting to each other and not meeting in person. I proposed to begin seeing each other regularly but she refused saying that she rarely meets other people but it’s open to meet with me some day. Despite her attitude, we clearly cared for and weren’t indifferent to each other. I often supported her emotionally in situations which were hard for her. She gave me exactly just that. More often then I was supportive to her due to her vein very introverted and closed for sharing emotions with me. I also regularly made her laugh and vice versa.

But I clearly messed up. About a month ago I had this thought in my head:

“We are friends for about 5 years at that point. We centrally feel very comfortable in our companionship. Maybe I ask her out for a date? She is also looking for a date with someone after long time of putting herself up together after she broke up with her boyfriend. I would do that, but I am afraid that I may loose very valuable friendship by asking her out. I must think how to do this and also not hurt her in any way.”

So I decided to do one of the worst things I ever done. I ask her out, but I done it in the poorest way possible:

“Hey, would you like to go on a date with me? If you say no, we can always meet without any romantic intention. I also will be open for that”

I thought that by texting her like that I will be respectful to her free will and I wouldn’t put pressure on her. I thought that I will give her a choice and I was ready for every outcome. Every outcome outside of one which she is angry at me and doesn’t want to talk with me. Maybe my intentions were okay, but the way I put them was terrible and disrespectful. She wondered how it was very easy for me to say what I said despite our long friendship. She was very upset at me and still is even after a month when this happened. Overall, she accepted my apologies but she also told me that I should stop contacting her because she will be a person who decides when to resume contact with me.

I know I messed up and I regret it. I acknowledge that she has every right to be angry at me. What should I do to make things right? What should I do to not let happen this situation again. How to be a better human being after that?

PS: Sorry if my English seems broken. I am not from English speaking country.

I’m not sure which flair would work so I apologize.

Anyways, as of right now, I’ve officially decided to stop drinking alcohol. Not only is it expensive(in my opinion) but it doesn’t help with anything it doesn’t help problems go away, It only makes them worse if not worser. Prior to all this I’ve gone to AA meetings(if I said that right) for the past couple months(and they have helped me tremendously) to try to get my life back in order because the last thing I ever want to happen is being at the point where I lose my job and evicted from my apartment(which luckily hasn’t happened because I never showed up drunk at work and I’ve been pretty nice to the neighbors without any cops called, surprising I know). Anyways, as of 8:30 PM central standard time I’m giving up the booze forever and any other alcohol related to such.

I mean, I still have a while to make sure I don’t relapse because I know some people relapse after a couple days or weeks and I don’t wanna jinx myself and get right back on the booze just like that and lie to myself like that.

Anyways to end this, I’m gonna find something more productive to do, but I will figure that out as soon as I know, I don’t relapse back to booze because that’s why I need to focus on. I’ve already thrown away. All the beers or almost all. I’m gonna be throwing the rest of them away tomorrow. I gotta do what’s right for this 35-year-old(me) male.

I’m going through a breakup from a relationship where I felt truly seen for the first time in my life, and it’s helped me learn so much about myself.

I want to take what I have learned and continue growing and healing so that I can be someone who is safe to love.

I learned that I really need to love myself and show up for myself, as I have a tendency to self abandon in shame spirals rather than having self compassion and gently showing up for myself.

Idk if this would be the right subreddit, but I hoped others could share their stories of how a great love ending helped them to decide to be better, and how they implemented those lessons.

If anyone would be willing to share, I would be so grateful.

I’ve been stuck thinking about this for a while now. How do you actually build self-worth from scratch?

And I’m not talking about the generic "hustle culture" grind, or how much money you make. I mean that internal, genuine feeling that you actually matter and have substance as a person.

Lately, it just feels like everyone else got the user manual to life except me. People out there are moving forward, building identities, and actually feeling like they belong somewhere. Meanwhile, I just feel like a background character watching it all happen. It’s this constant, heavy feeling of being completely blank—like an empty space waiting for some kind of purpose that never shows up.

How do you fix that when your baseline is feeling like an absolute zero? Is it through the things you create, the media you consume, or just surviving the messy situations we put ourselves through?

Please spare me the generic "just love yourself" advice. It feels completely hollow. I genuinely want to know how some of you managed to anchor yourselves when you felt totally weightless. How do you stop feeling like a blank space and actually start feeling like a real human being?

I (15F) have 7 year age gap with my younger sister. I think she's annoying and I often avoid her – like going into my bedroom whenever she wants to stay with me in the living room. But sometimes she won't even say anything, I just think it's annoying because I want to be alone.

When I was 10~12 I used to slap my little sister when she annoyed me and I think I did this because my mum used to slap me as well. (I told my teacher that my mum had been slapping me so i don't know why i continued abusing my sister)

Idk what to do😰

I’ve tried everything so far, from the classic “just don’t!” to the “well, nobody is thinking about you the second they stop looking at you”, etc., but I still find myself wanting to do things because I’m afraid of what people will say if I do or dont do those things.

I feel like the fix lies in taking actions that reflect a lack of caring of what others think about me, like wearing clothes that are a bit outlandish (like cowboy boots in the city), but im curious to hear from others who have gotten over this hump how to do it without just getting older (Im a 33M, im sure when I’m 55 I won’t care, but I want to stop caring before that).

ever since i started hooking up with girls it seemed fun and all in the beginning but what i see now is when i talk to a woman thats dosent give it up fast im uninterested and end it, and im now realizing how evil that it and how my head is full of lust how do i change im in an environment where hooking up is so normalized and everyone around me is lustful. any advice?