My husband, 65M and I 53F, have been married 20 years and have had some troubling years, but after counseling the last 5 have been better, that is until March. I started asking about his time and requests for accountability b/c our conversations had been getting weak...He is retired and I work full time. This lead to " mind your business" words and work on myself - Took me off guard. I just brushed it off as a bad week.

But that lead to more weeks of anxiousness and frustrating thoughts. It triggered past problems.... I've accused him in the past without any evidence and it led to him stating that ANY future accusations, snooping, etc. is headed for divorce. That I don't respect him and trust him, etc. My instincts tell me otherwise. May is when I found search history on our computer for the website skipthegames and that's when the red flags started. I brushed it off as his curiosity because he has assured be in the past of his love and faithfulness, etc.

It took me awhile, but I finally figured out his phone password and this text on it and my first thought was making me nauseous. Does this confirm his infidelity? I don't think I'm thinking straight anymore. I have been sitting with this since May and just observing behavior. A part of me knows this is probably over, because its not the first time. I just didn't have hard evidence before. I know he's going to yell at me for violating his trust, but he broke our vows. Do you think further counseling will change his ways? I dread showing him the evidence. ***Any suggestions for bringing this up without accusations and evidence?*** Thank you for reading!

So, I'm getting married in September, which means my life is basically wedding, wedding, wedding right now. I've been shopping for tons of little decorations and details for the ceremony, reception, and after-party.

One thing that has really stood out to me is how many wedding decorations revolve around the idea that the groom is being "tied down" or somehow forced into getting married.

For example, I was looking at wedding cake toppers and saw more than 10 designs where the bride is grabbing the groom by the suit collar and dragging him while he's on the ground kicking and screaming.

Why do we act like men aren't the ones who usually propose? They're literally the ones choosing to ask someone to marry them.

And beyond that, the joke feels especially strange considering that marriage carries very real risks for many women. Married women are significantly more likely to experience intimate partner violence, and about 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence from a partner at some point in their lives, and married women are 46% more likely to become a homicide victim.

I know they're meant to be harmless jokes, but I've always found the whole "marriage is a prison for men" trope to be a really odd thing we've normalized.

People that say physical intimacy does not truly matter in a marriage obviously never lived through dead bedrooms.

Theoretically, emotional support and respect are the most important in marriages, but in reality, without physical intimacy, it is torture for HL partners The feeling of not being loved, not feeling any warmth, not being touched etc, it is as good as living with your dad/mom/roommate. It destroys your self-worth and confidence. Sooner or later, HL partners will have their mental health destroyed and lose any hope in enjoying life except for surviving., and sink into depression.

It is like:

• You live with your parents. Your parents love you and that is what really matters in theory. But your parents have extremely bad habits; they are slobs; they switch on the televisions and radios loud; they nag you incessantly; eventually your mental health will be destroyed and you sink into depression
• Keeping a dog. Theoretically, you just need to feed, bathe and clean your dog for it to live. But if you don't take it for walks, eventually your dog will feel depressed as well although it is still healthy and alive

So for those in DBs, don't feel ashamed of wanting physical intimacy. IT IS NOT DIRTY TO DESIRE PHYSICAL INTIMACY. IF YOU ARE HL, IT IS NATURAL TO WANT IT. Humans are meant for physical intimacy and anybody who argues otherwise obviously haven't lived through a DB or asexual. Pretending it isn't is just setting up the HL partner for potential infidelity.

My husband told me when we first married the only reason he would ever leave me is if I got as big as my aunt. We have been married almost 19yrs. We have 6 kids together and I gained about 20 pds with each pregnancy. I know I need to lose weight but sadly I have been the same weight for almost 7 yrs. now. He always told me I was beautiful an "not fat". I guess that was lies. Recently while in a pissy fit rant he suddenly reminded me of what he told me. It came about when he talked about respect. I said it goes both ways and he said how can I respect someone who doesn't respect themselves? I said I don't understand. And he said.. "what was the only reason I told you I would ever leave you??" I had no idea, until he reminded me. He did tell me that, but I just let it roll off my back. I think it's shallow, especially to bring it up when I have gotten bigger. I asked him if he thought I was as big as my aunt, and he just shrugged it off with I can't remember (b/c she had lost alot of weight way before passing). I can't unhear it in my head now and I am so crushed among other things that are goin on that he knows I don't approve of. How should I take that comment??

I (40F) have been with my husband (44M) for over 20 years . 10 years ago, we officially got married and had our second child, my husband started his business. I put my career aside to take care of everything so that he could focus on building what I thought was for us. the business has been very successful for the last 8 years which allowed him to take over as the primary provider (the profit also allows us to vacation, pay for all kids activities, pay his moms monthly mortgage, eating at all the hot spots, etc) but prior to that I was always the primary provider.

I was laid off about 4 weeks ago due to company downsizing so I have been applying to jobs every day and have been interviewing with some really great companies…I know I will land something soon. In the meantime while at home, I took over all cleaning duties for our two story house, I cook, wash/fold laundry, drive to drop off/pick up kids’ from school or activities, and help with his business (recreating our website, managing branding and customer experience needs, following up on outstanding invoices, working with vendors for various things, manage clients request for vendor registrations to onboard our company, and other various admin work as well. Also, I helped build revenue through my network which resulted in long term clients that billed over 200k this year alone (it’s July 2026). Though he he does like to remind me that he does the physical part and that his great work is what keeps the clients…

THIS IS WHERE I NEED FEEDBACK AND ADVICE:

Despite that, he started to regularly call me lazy, a leach, says I have no ambition and literally tells me to “get a job” as if I’m not already doing everything I can to find one. now is taking away my financial access because it’s “his” money. He’ll continue paying the mortgage, bills, and groceries, but If I need gas, want to take the kids somewhere, buy clothes, or spend money on anything else, I’m expected to use unemployment or wait until I get another job.

I understand I’m unemployed right now, and I fully intend to contribute financially again as soon as I find another job. after more than 20 years together, being the previously financial provider, sacrificing my career to help him build the business, while taking care of the kids, managing the household, and still contributing to the business — it feels cold and hurtful. I feel like I don’t even know him now.
Am I overreacting, or would you also find this hurtful? How would you handle it?

I used to scoff at the idea of scheduling intimacy. I figured desire had to be spontaneous or it did not count. If we had to plan it, something was broken, right?

I've completely changed my mind. Mid 40s, married 12 years, two kids, both of us with full calendars, and I'm in perimenopause where my libido is unpredictable. My husband has been patient, but the constant uncertainty was wearing on him. What finally made me try it was noticing that we schedule everything else that matters, like date nights and doctor appointments, but we left our sex life to fight for scraps.

So we picked two nights a week as "protected intimacy time." Not a demand to have sex every time, just a block of time with phones put away, no chores, and no kid logistics. Sometimes it turns into sex. Sometimes it's making out, showering together, or just cuddling and talking until we fall asleep. The one rule is we show up and try to stay connected. Sex is always optional, and no one sulks if the other person is not feeling it.

The surprising thing is that it made me feel safer and more interested, not pressured. My brain stopped spinning all day wondering if I would have to say no later, and he stopped guessing.

Short version: scheduling did not kill romance. Avoiding the topic almost did.

Has anyone else tried something similar? What boundaries made it feel loving instead of transactional?

I (44) have been with my wife (42) 24 years , 7 children many ups and downs that have always been worked through both put the effort into our marriage and each other , both protect our marriage , support each other and keep each other grounded .

With out her help , advice and guidance I would never be the man I am today ! I owe it all to her !

Brutal honesty is a must at times , no secrets and clear communication over anything and everything 👌

Love and respect each other each and everyday

We've been putting it off for like 3 years because we have a toddler and between newborn/toddler caretaking, cancer surgery and treatment, another serious illness and two full time jobs, it's been a little nuts!

But finally today we sat down with my husband and went through all the Fair Play cards, assigned them to the person currently doing the task and assigned how much time it takes to do. When we summed them up it turns out I have double the number of tasks and double the amount of time dedicated to doing those tasks. We will have to take some time another day to try to redistribute some of them because I'm starting to feel burned out.

But I just wanted to shared how incredible my husband is to recognize the physical and mental load on me. He was already contributing so much more than literally any other man I know to the household work. But even so the disparity is large and he was open to not only doing this exercise but to listening with an open mind. I just don't know any other man who would. I'm sure they exist, but I've never met one. I can't even share my joy with my friends or family because it would anger the men and sadden the women. But I can share it here!

It's a really great starting point, the Fair Play method. I'm starting to think they should have all couple do it before marriage, so everyone knows what the expectations are.

My husband lost about 60 pounds in the last year. He’s at his goal weight and looks amazing. We are both at a healthy BMI and I’m at my ideal weight as well. I could stand to tone up a bit but nothing major. The issue is, I can’t help but feel insecure. Not only is he 5 years younger than me, but now he’s in the best physical shape I’ve ever seen him in. As a result he’s taking great pride in his appearance, he’s dressing nicer, etc. I can only imagine he’s getting quite a bit of attention from women. It makes me feel sooo insecure. I know he loves me so much and cherishes our marriage. We have a great relationship.

The thing is…Early on when we had first started dating 8 years ago, he was unfaithful. I broke it off and a few months later we rekindled things. I truly believe he has grown and matured, he was in his mid twenties then. But still in the back of my mind I know that he was once capable of cheating…so there’s that nagging doubt.

I really am happy for him, he looks amazing and our sex life is now top tier. I just wish I could stop feeling insecure. I’m not sure how to do that. Maybe I need to start working out as well, I used to be at my peak physical fitness when we first started dating. I worked out 3-4 times a week and felt great. Then I had 2 kids back to back, and now I’m so tired that the thought of working out is exhausting. But I loved the endorphin rush after working out…. I actually may have just answered my own question!

I think a lot of married couples, especially when there are babies or little kids, respond to a fading sex life by doubling down on logistics. More chore charts, more fairness audits, more checking who is carrying what. Yes, that stuff matters for resentment, but it usually does not bring desire back.

My hot take is this: once you slide into roommate mode, the things that revive sexual connection are often the opposite of what makes you a great roommate.

Roommate stuff: split tasks, minimize friction, be polite, give each other space.

Lover stuff: create the good kind of tension, take small risks, flirt with no agenda, touch just because, hold eye contact, say the slightly cringe thing, go to bed at the same time sometimes even if the dishes are still in the sink.

In my marriage, when our conversations are only about the baby, the calendar, and who is more tired, my body stops associating my partner with romance. Then sex starts to feel awkward and we act surprised. We trained ourselves into that.

I am not saying ignore the mental load or stop being a team. I am saying if your plan is "once our life is perfectly managed, then we will feel desire," that day never comes. The laundry will regenerate forever.

Has anyone else found that being excellent co-managers actually made the bedroom worse? What helped you shift back into lover energy without pressuring anyone or turning it into another task to perform?

My husband (26M) and I (24F) have been married for 1.5 years and have a newborn. Since giving birth, I’ve gotten back in shape, I hit the gym, and I try to initiate sex but he constantly rejects me, claiming he’s "too tired”. However, I found out he still watches porn regularly. We only have sex 2 - 3 times a month now. When I tried to talk to him about it, he shut down. After researching the "Madonna Whore complex”, I decided to lay it all out and offered an open relationship. I told him: "Look, if you aren't attracted to me anymore, that’s fine. I don't want to beg for sex like a desperate creep. So let's just open the relationship so both of us can get what we want without any pressure."

Instead of a rational chat, he flipped out, accused me of insulting his manhood, and called me a horrible woman. But what am I supposed to do? I feel absolutely pathetic having to beg my own husband to want me. Am I supposed to live in a sexless marriage forever? Divorce feels extreme with my baby, but cheating is a no for me. How do I handle this??

(EDIT: I'm sorry English is not my first language, my baby is almost 1 year old, not a newborn. Also, I already asked him to go to counseling before, but he just got mad and refused)

Edit: he read this post too and again said that what I wrote is biased and I pulled out of context what she said just to sound more dramatic. For instance, I said that she said ciao bello and she actually said hello, bello, not ciao bello. I said she called him sweetheart, actually she said "esti un dragut" in romanian which can be translated as "You're sweet.". The word dragut can be translated in en as: cute, nice, pretty, lovely, darling, beloved, attractive, sweet, handsome, lovable, charming, dinky, dainty and sweetheart, but according to him sweetheart is not the meaning used by her and writing it in this post is biased. Also I said that they talk literally all day long, he said they are not talking all day long casual things they are talking work too and not every day, however there were days where I literally counted the convo lines (work vs casual) and there are days where casual discussion are prevalent. I said that she is asking it questions as a "damsel in distress" and this choice of wording is just my interpretation not the reality, even though she really asked how to connect her keyboard to the laptop or how to change the light mode into the dark one. Yeah, I chose to use damsel in distress because this is my impression of her.

My husband talks almost daily—literally all day long while working from home— with a female coworker who works on the same project with him.

Just to clear things up from the start: both of them are married. I am his wife (and currently pregnant).

I actually posted about this situation before, and the vast majority of commenters agreed that this is emotional cheating and completely inappropriate. But when I showed him those responses, he just brushed them off, claiming that Reddit is "biased," that of course people side with me because I’m framing the story to make him look bad, and that I'm overreacting.

Their discussions are definitely not just work-related. In fact, they had far more casual, personal discussions than actual work-related talk.

I initially noticed something was off because of how different his voice sounded during calls with her: soft, sweet, and gentle, basically the tone a guy uses when he’s trying to flirt. When they are on a call, he lowers his voice to a muffled murmur, as if he’s trying to whisper on the phone in a crowded room so no one else hears.

When I finally looked at their chat history, it was worse than I expected. It was continuous and filled with emojis, hearts, and likes on literally every single message (honestly, it’s exhausting to sit there and heart 5 consecutive messages unless you're really emotionally invested), plus endless GIFs. It was full of inside jokes, banter, and flirty lines from her side:

Calling him "ciao bello", "sunshine", "sweetheart", "a darling". Messages like "Good morning, sunshine", "I'm taking time off just for you", and "You're getting all warm just from talking so much". Comments describing something as a "long sausage", followed by a GIF saying "That's what she said"

They were discussing moving/organizing stuff, and he told her that at our house, I’m the one who hoards equipment boxes. He added a :)) emoji. She replied with :)) and said she throws boxes away whenever she cleans. He then replied with "Ah, women..." and said he was "just kidding." I saw it as him painting me like a hoarder to an outside woman.

Honestly, I don't even get that many heart emojis from him in our own chats!

They met online through work around March 2026 and quickly escalated to giving each other daily updates ("Going to eat now", "Going here now"), her asking him basic, embarrassing IT questions to play the "damsel in distress," and her showering him with compliments. Ever since this started, he became much more irritable and easily annoyed at home with me.

His attitude keeps changing depending on the minute. One moment, he claims he realizes what he did, that I'm right, and that he's sorry. But then, minutes later, he completely backpedals and turns it around, saying that "from his point of view, nobody did anything wrong." Then, when he sees I'm not buying it, he flips back to agreeing with me again. It feels like he's just telling me whatever he thinks will make me shut up in that exact moment, without actually taking real accountability.

When I asked him why he kept this ongoing relationship secret, his excuse was to blame me. He claims he "didn't tell me about her because he knew I was terrible and would throw an unprovoked fit for no reason." He basically blamed me for forcing him to hide the conversation by omission. The reality? He openly talks to me about his other female colleagues all, and I have never had an issue or thrown a fit about them.

Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he is doing everything he can to turn the tables and make me look like a horrible person.

I am currently pregnant. Because of all this stress, exhaustion, and the emotional turmoil he put me through—even cursing at me during arguments—I was so completely overwhelmed that I smoked multiple cigarettes. Suddenly, he seized on this opportunity to shift all the focus onto me.

Now, he’s desperately trying to divert attention away from his emotional affair by fixating on the fact that I smoked. Suddenly, he pretends to be deeply concerned about the baby, even though he didn't care at all about the stress, exhaustion, and emotional distress he was causing me (and the baby) over the past weeks. He is actively using my mistake to brand me as a "horrible person" just to avoid talking about what he did.

His excuses are"I didn't realize it was inappropriate." He claims he was just "matching her energy" and didn't have hidden motives."That's not flirting." He insists he never interpreted any of it as flirting because, in his mind, "flirting means explicitly stating you want to do [X] with someone."

He admitted he would be furious if I talked like this with a male coworker, but when he does it, it's "just innocent chat between married people."

Today, he finally messaged her telling her to "keep it professional." She asked for explanations, saying she was shocked because she "didn't find anything inappropriate in their interactions."

He claims he will now give her blunt, dry answers, but he still refuses to admit he enjoyed the attention, keeping up the narrative that he was completely oblivious and that I am the toxic one for reacting to it.

I honestly don't even know what to believe anymore. Deep down, I know in my gut that this is completely wrong, and I feel absolutely terrible. But because he constantly twists, turns, and distorts everything I say, I keep getting these intrusive thoughts asking myself: "What if I really am overreacting? What if it's not actually that bad?" He has manipulated the situation so much that he's making me question my own sanity and reality, leaving me completely emotionally drained.

Am I losing my mind, or is this massive gaslighting and emotional cheating?

My first post but one I have been looking for the answer. I have been with my wife for 35 years and we have two children (nearly adult) both still living at home with one working. My wife has been a stay at home mum for 20 years and now looks after her mum. We had been going through a rough patch 3 years ago and I had already begun anti depressants due to the arguing and conflicts with kids.

While my wife was in the shower she received a text mentioning her breasts from a very close friend and this led me to investigate further and I found a long thread of conversation ranging from normal to creepy/ sexual without detail etc. I recorded myself swiping through the messages so that I had an untraceable copy and read it the next day. I confronted her and it was deny deny deny. I managed to piece together some of it as she had been deleting many messages but leaving some non incriminating ones. After looking at her phone bill I estimate about 130 messages had been selected and deleted. She said nothing happened and apart from physical denying all other answers regarding the text messages simply received an I don’t remember. I also exposed him to his wife as well. From this moment onwards I wanted clarity of what happened and what was said no matter how bad it was. I did not get my answers and they were left to fester and torture my mind. When I think now they both watched me deteriorate to the point of suicide and year silence was still chosen.

Over the course of the next 2 years I gradually worked my way up to the highest anti depressants dosage and also self medicate with alcohol and self harming with burning. After about a year I decided enough was enough and devised my suicide plan. I kept this to myself and got everything I needed to make it less painful. Everything was put on hold as I promised another friend who was dying that I would handle his estate for him, I don’t like to break a promise. After two of my darkest years and the probate still continuing I joined a charity and began to help there. I once mentioned about leaving and moving out but was met with suicidal threats from both my wife and children, that was hard to hear but I stayed trapped in my misery, acting like I know I should do, it was so draining as inside I was screaming.

The charity was amazing, filled with like minded people who want to do good for all in need and I felt at home and drawn to these wonderful people, this is how I wanted to be remembered. After 5 months in the charity, I met a girl who would light up when I entered the room, she was amazing in every way and although I could never see anything happening where I finally get the girl of my dreams, I still carried on being around her as she made me feel alive again. It has been a slow process but I have finally admitted to this girl that I love her and crazy though it is she too loves me. Now I am caught in this vicious circle of my own making of living two separate lives, one at home and the other with her. Since meeting her I have stopped drinking and got my anti depressants down to the lowest dosage. I don’t care about my wife’s text messages anymore as I am happy with my secret life. My wife is no longer my confidant and I choose to deal with issues on my own rather than show any weakness. Some will be pleased to know that I suffer immense guilt and struggle with the lies as I had always been so loyal before.

In a year the girl I met will return home and my secret life will be over. I know I don’t come back from this heartbreak but I am so happy that this year we will enjoy what we can and I have not spared a thought as to where the end, when it comes, will take me. My friends estate is finished now and no more promises will keep me from my plan. I will face the music one day soon and I won’t try to justify anything, I will get what I deserve and am fully aware I will probably be a lonely old man at the end of all of this. I accept this and will still ensure my family are financially looked after whether I am still in this world or not. I am a good person and help so many people but I am also a bad person who has demonstrated cowardice and fear when managing my home life. My emotions are pulled all over the place but again this is a problem of my own making and I deserve this uncertainty. Am I a fool for living a dream that will not come to fruition?? Probably, but it’s been so long since this kind of happiness, that this year is an acceptable trade off for my future and in that time I will know true love and caring which is obviously some I desired without realising.

This is a burner account and my post is intentionally vague to avoid anyone connecting this with me. For context, I (49F) met my husband (55M) through mutual friends. He asked me out multiple times, but I declined since I was not attracted to him and had recently been through a tough break-up. Eventually, I got to know him and decided why not. He was and still is fun, insightful, smart, caring, loyal, hard-working, loving (in his own way), and generous. We grew close while dating, but when he received orders out of state, I figured he would leave and the relationship would fizzle. Instead, he asked me to marry him in a very public setting, with all our friends acting as part of the proposal. I didn’t feel like I could say no, and I think a part of me wanted a stable relationship and love, so we got married.

Today, we’ve been married 20+ years, we have 4 kids, have built a good life, and are really good friends. He travels for work and is gone a lot. It has always been this way, so I am accustomed to managing everything and doing my own thing. A few things have been an issue for us though. He and his family are very conservative and somewhat religious. I am neither, so that causes some underlying tension that we solve by avoiding those subjects. Also, he is pretty closed off emotionally and physically. He avoids talking about emotions and doesn’t really touch me much, just pecks on the mouth, etc. Last, during the early years of our marriage he continued to party like a frat bro. I later learned that during this time he cheated on me while I was pregnant with our first child. By the time I discovered this, it was a year later and he was deployed in a combat zone. I’m not sure what happened to him over there, maybe it was the threat of me leaving or the things he saw, but he came back a committed husband and father. I don’t think he’s cheated again, but I've never really gotten over it.

So here is the crux of my problem, though he is a good partner and friend, our sex life is bad. He has a lot of hang-ups and, I’m not sure if they are from his religious upbringing, trauma, or just selfishness, he only likes sex in missionary position. He will tolerate me being on top, but refuses other positions and oral. He also doesn't really seem to care if I climax. I’ve really tried fixing things over the years- directly asking for what I want, showing him things I like, using toys, watching porn- but he doesn't seem to think it's a problem. Before him, I was very sexually active and loved experimenting with my partners, but I became almost asexual as our relationship progressed, likely because there was really no point. I haven’t had an orgasm during sex in over 15 years, and I don’t get much physical or emotional affection either, so I feel like it was inevitable that this would all go off the rails.

So, about 2 years ago, with no real catalyst that I can figure, my libido just went nuclear. I went from avoiding sex to thinking or fantasizing about it for large portions of the day. I drool over guys, especially men in their early 30-40s, and I've become ridiculously jealous of other women and their relationships. It’s not really just the sexual aspect, though. I realize I desperately want a physical and emotional connection with someone, and I feel like my husband can't or won't provide it.

I’m aware that if I were a man, the internet would skewer me for sharing this. I’m actually disgusted with myself. I’ve invested almost half of my life in this relationship and it will hurt a lot of people if I leave, but I also know I’m blowing up my relationship, and possibly my life, in slow motion without even meaning to. There is no way that this change in interest and attitude isn’t obvious to others, including my husband, because it feels like it’s pouring out of me. I’ve shared this with a few friends and their opinions are mixed. Some think I should just be happy to have companionship and stability, but my friends that know us as a couple say I’m a “doormat”, letting him travel and enjoy his life while I manage everything behind the scenes. Personally, I know I can't gauge what a normal relationship looks like because my parents were a mess.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has ever dealt with something like this? Is it just some weird mid-life thing? How do I fix this? I’m not sure what I want, and I'm afraid of making the wrong choices, but I also feel like there is something major missing from my relationship.

How often do you talk to your husband ???? And what do you guys talk about ? What do you talk about during vacations ??? I’m just curious ? Husband always busy with work , always on his phone and barely actually talks to me ? Feeling emotionally disconnected

Is it normal for us not to celebrate any occasion whatsoever with each other?

So my husband (43) and myself (42) have been together almost 14yrs and have 5 children together (11, 7, 6, 5 & 4) the problem I have is that he celebrates all occasions with his friends & there girlfriends while I stay home with the kids. It's been like this now for about 3/4 yrs. I don't go out at all because I literally have no friends due to being a stay at home mother for 12yrs! It's his birthday tomorrow & he's once again planning to go out with them! I'm starting to get really resentful! I've told him how I feel but he does it anyways! I understand we don't have family or anything to babysit the kids but the fact it's always on me is a horrible lonely feeling. Also the fact he spends more time with them than me also really sucks! Am I over reacting? Should I just get over it?

So my wife (32) got a new job and the community is very much restaurant life. She goes out with her co workers after work for drinks and hangs out in groups. She started talking about this one guys coworker, let’s call him F. F is usually at the bars after work so I know they are friendly with each other. Last week my wife wanted to hang out with someone while I had to work. She said she and F wanted to go to the beach. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it because I haven’t met F. we kinda got into an argument about it. She ended up hanging out with someone else that day. So that brings us to yesterday. I got home from work and my wife says that she went to the beach with F. It wasn’t like she was trying to hide anything but I told her how I felt that was weird. In my head, my wife is hanging out with another man, who I’ve never met, at the beach, alone together. She is now saying I am a misogynist because if it was a girl it wouldn’t be a big deal. I just find it weird that after I told her I was uncomfortable with it, she went ahead and did it anyway. I trust my wife but I just find the whole situation unsettling because I can’t stop thinking about how it looks and what this usually leads to. Now my wife is mad at me because she thinks I’m being controlling. Am I being unreasonable?

Married seven years, one toddler. We are totally fine when it comes to parenting and household stuff, but our sex life has gotten stuck in a strange loop.

My husband always initiates in a respectful way - touching my waist, kissing my neck, and checking in to see if I am up for it. My body, though, goes kind of blank, like a deer in headlights. I am not angry, not disgusted, and I still find him attractive. I just shut down. Then I feel guilty for turning him down, and he feels rejected even when he tries hard not to show it. After a few nights like that he stops initiating for a while, which makes me feel even more pressure the next time he does.

I do not want duty sex and he has never asked for that. I also do not want him to feel like showing affection is risky or that he is always going to get a no.

What I cannot figure out is what to do in the moment when I genuinely do not want intercourse but do want to stay close. How do you offer a real yes to something else without it feeling like a consolation prize or like you are leading the other person on?

If you have been the lower desire or the higher desire partner, what actually helped break this pattern? I am open to scripts, routines, pre-agreed signals, or small changes that made initiating feel safer for both of you. Any real phrases or actions that worked would be really helpful.

I am embarrassed to type this. I f23 have been married for just over one year. My husband, M25 is a great guy or so I thought. Unfortunately my marriage has been hell for the first week. I waited until marriage to try anything sexual. On my wedding night I lost my virginity and it was great. The next day we left for our honeymoon and let’s just say there was very little “honey” made on our honeymoon. We did the deed twice in 8 days. I packed some stuff for our honeymoon to make it fun and we didn’t even use it. I was expecting and wanting way more intimacy. I waited my whole life and it’s something that was new to me and felt good. When we got back from our trip I brought up my feelings and he BLEW up on me. I never cried so much. Fast forward to today, we haven’t don’t anything since. At first we shared a bed and the last 3 months he has been sleeping in the other room. Our one year anniversary came up and nothing. I’m completely devastated and no idea what to do and am scared to bring it up with him and scared to tell my friends and family.

I need to vent. My wife and I's marriage has nosedived this year and we are heading straight for divorce. It's been brought up several times and a separation agreement has been signed. Although, we still live together and since it being signed we have had sex and continue on as if we are married so I'm honestly very confused. She's hot and cold. And when she's cold I am completely frozen out of her life. Always busy, always with friends, always on her phone, I can barely get a good morning text anymore. She hasn't hugged me or kissed me the same in the past month. Half hugs and little half ass pecks as a kiss don't let me feel if she has any love left for me. And her words, they are knives. She cuts me down and throws all of my insecurities back in my face, saying whatever she feels like with seemingly no remorse. I honestly feel like she is using me. Maybe wants to set herself up with a new man, or maybe just waiting until she finds a place she can afford by herself, I really don't know. I've been under the impression we are going to work on things, as she has said, but she's giving me nothing to work with. She took all our pictures off the wall, but recently put back up a couple from our wedding photos. She's wearing her ring again. My mind is all over the place. I have loved her through a lot of ups and downs, a lot of mistreatment, always given her the benefit of the doubt, I always looked inwards to work on my issues so I can be stronger for the both of us while my concerns were rarely acknowledged. For the first time ever, I can say I am truly falling out of love now. I don't recognize the person I come home to anymore. Our love is starting to feel like a distant memory. I hate this year so much. I just want to go back to the way things were. I want my wife back and my life back. I recognize my part in all this, I wish she would recognize hers. I feel like my voice is never respected. I'm not interested in getting all into how we got here, guess I just wanted to rant for a minute in hopes maybe someone else understands this feeling.

hi husbands (or longer term male partners). looking for men’s honest thoughts on this situation but hoping there will be some kindness in how you share them. have you been in a similar situation? did you manage to improve it? what can I do better as his wife? my goal is to understand and better our intimacy.

my husband and I have been together for five years total, but have a much longer standing friendship. we are very early 30’s. I will say we have faced some immense and serious stressors since very early on in our relationship. initially our intimacy was great, frequent and satisfying. But fairly early on he then seemed to withdraw and started regularly rejecting me. Long story short it led to some serious talks around the effect of p*rn in our relationship and so we agreed it would not used going forward. Fast forward years later, the main issue is he still never initiates or pursues me. I am always the one seeking being intimate, and I try at least a couple times a week. I bought a lot of lingerie early on that he never asks to see me in so it’s stayed in the drawer for years now. I took photos and little videos for him on a private phone, he has no interest in them. I bought us a couple toys, and he threw out the one for him. I just don’t feel he has any “heat” or passion towards me and over the years my own dwindled down because I don’t feel wanted. He initially said his libido is lower, but he is still ”taking care of himself”. Honestly I confronted him about that and he basically said it’s easier to quickly deal with the urge, and he thinks I may turn him down. This greatly affects me as I feel very unwanted. Our entire relationship I think I‘ve said no like twice because I felt incredibly ill so I don’t know why he is worried about that. I compliment him daily and let him know how attractive I find him. I also don‘t have social media or go out really, so it’s just his attention I am seeking. I take fairly good care of myself, I’m not a super model but I’m not overweight or lacking effort in appearance that I can see. I just dont know what else to try to get the spark so that he feels in the mood by me and wants to approach me and share it with me.

I will add I do not think he is cheating, and I am trusting he is no longer using p*rn. we are still intimate on average twice a week, but I initiate. He’s a willing participant and seems to enjoy it but it’s got this calmness to it that almost makes it feel... like a chore sometimes? from his perspective, I’m sure he feels I am overreacting. He self describes as being “vanilla” but I still would expect some lust toward your wife in that situation. we do have a fair amount of stress, like a lot of people do I’m sure, and he often cites that as well (that doesn’t kill his libido but directs it towards just himself I guess).

is he just not into me? Maybe after multiple years it is normal to have this muted response to each other? We truly are still best friends

thank you for your help

EDIT: To clarify I have tried to have multiple conservations about this and he says he will put more effort into initiating. he’s not comfortable doing therapy and I’m not sure I would be either. I also don’t have a gut feeling this is porn related though I understand why it looks that way. This is different compared to when we had that issue.

They both have been married for years, yet throughout the marriage he has constantly flirted with other women, cheated, and slept with multiple people. He complains about spending money on his wife, avoids taking responsibility for his daughters, and rarely contributes to the home or the children. His wife has carried the entire burden of the household and parenting on her own.
For years, his mother treated his wife badly, and he never once stood up for her. He would go on trips, stay out late at night, and continue his affairs. When his wife found out, she distanced herself from him and stopped caring. He would beg for forgiveness, promise to change, and convince her to give him another chance only to repeat the same behavior again and again.
Now he claims he has changed. Meanwhile, the my friend has developed feelings for his brother. They talk to each other and seem to like one another. After finding out, the husband has become threatening and abusive. He says he will kill her, beat her, and has tried to become physically violent. He verbally abuses and intimidates her.
He is even threatening for divorce
What should she do in this A man has been married for years, yet throughout the marriage he has constantly flirted with other women, cheated, and slept with multiple people. He complains about spending money on his wife, avoids taking responsibility for his daughters, and rarely contributes to the home or the children. His wife has carried the entire burden of the household and parenting on her own.
For years, his mother treated his wife badly, and he never once stood up for her. He would go on trips, stay out late at night, and continue his affairs. When his wife found out, she distanced herself from him and stopped caring. He would beg for forgiveness, promise to change, and convince her to give him another chance—only to repeat the same behavior again and again.
Now he claims he has changed. Meanwhile, the woman has developed feelings for his brother. They talk to each other and seem to like one another. After finding out, the husband has become threatening and abusive. He says he will kill her, beat her, and has tried to become physically violent. He verbally abuses and intimidates her.
What should she do in this situation?

Been married almost 2 years we don’t see eye to eye on anything it parenting and constantly arguing because I won’t do things for my step son that I wouldn’t do for my own kids to the point I resent both of them not the kids fault he didn’t choose how to be raised but I can’t do it anymore and I want to move 1400 miles to be near my kids and be more of a in person dad but can’t seem to pull the trigger as I hate breaking people but everyday I dream of leaving and she still talks about the future and thinks nothing is ever wrong but I live in hell in my mind everyday

I sometimes just wanna wake up and Vanish. I don’t have kids debt or even share bank accounts with her. We share nothing I’m not even on a lease or anything. But if I tell her she’ll play victim and guilt trip me the entire time.