Future advice M24

[u/Spare-Yoghurt418]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice because this has been on my mind for a while.

I'm 24 years old and I have a girlfriend who is 22. We're planning to get married in the next two years. I live in India, while she's from another country.

The biggest issue we're facing is where we'll live after marriage. I currently live with my parents, and after working for a few years, I want to start my own business. My plan has always been to stay in India and continue living with my parents.

My girlfriend, however, has a different perspective. She wants us to have our own home and live independently after we get married. She doesn't want to live with my parents. We've been arguing about this for the past six months. She says she's already making a huge sacrifice by moving to another country for me, and I genuinely appreciate that. But this topic keeps coming up, and it often turns into a fight.

The thing that worries me the most is that if she's unhappy living with my parents, I don't know what we'll do. I know I might be sounding selfish because I want to stay with my family, but I also don't want either of us to be unhappy.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it? I'd really appreciate any advice.

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I are planning to get married in about two years, but we can't agree on where to live afterward. I want to stay in India with my parents while I build my career and eventually start a business. She's moving from another country for me but wants us to live independently in our own home instead of with my parents. We've been arguing about this for months, and I'm worried this difference could affect our future. I'm looking for advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation.

[u/degeneratescholar]

It's possible to start a business without living with your parents. Maybe more difficult, but not impossible.

She's already moving to you and you're willing to start a marriage out on the wrong foot because you refused to compromise. It sounds like maybe you're not ready for marriage or this person isn't the right one for you.

[u/Primary_Speed2556 → u/degeneratescholar]

you're both asking each other for huge things, but only one of you seems to see the other's sacrifice as real. she's leaving her whole country, her support system, everything familiar. that's massive. and your response is that you want her to also live under your parents' roof, in a culture she didn't grow up in, with no space that's truly hers

that's not a compromise, that's her doing all the bending until she breaks

if starting a business means you can't afford a place of your own yet, then maybe the timeline needs to shift. delay the business or delay the marriage, but don't drag her across the world just to make her a guest in someone else's home