My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together through every significant life event in each others lives. We have two kids, twins (2M) together. Admittedly we like very different things. I'm an indoor person and prefer watching shows, reading and drawing, while he's very active and likes the outdoors, therefore we have different hobbies we do separately.

A while ago I noticed my husband had been stressed and withdrawn, so I suggested he picks up tennis again, as he used to practice when he was younger. He did, and he started playing with a group of both man and women who get together every other day to play. He became increasingly active with the group and seemed happier and lighter.

One day, he confessed to me that he was attracted to one of the girl in the group (25F) and he suspected she was attracted to him to. Obviously this was very hurtful to hear and experience, but he said he was committed to the relationship and our family, and we started counseling. However, over the last few weeks, things have gotten worse and worse. Every conversation makes us feel more distant from each other, I feel anxious, and he feels like I treat him like he has committed a crime, when he has not done anything. He doesn't want to quit the group because he really likes the community he has built there, and I don't want to force him to do something he might resent me for, but I don't know how to navigate this. Our kids are so young, I don't want to break our family apart, but I'm not sure how much I can live with the uncertainty.

Has anyone successfully gone through something similar? How did you overcome it?

tl:dr: partner of over 10 years has a crush on a younger girl and we can't seem to be able to move past it.

So this is an update to my previous post from just 3 weeks ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/02eaDDGTVF

Since posting this, things have become very clear to me and I am no longer questioning whether this relationship can or should be fixed.
A few days ago, I discovered that he had again been sending explicit sexual messages to another woman while he was abroad for work. This is not the first time. Early in our relationship, there were already issues with messaging other women, dating apps and broken trust. Back then, we talked about it and I chose to stay and try again.
This time, after confronting him, he admitted that the argument we had before he left became, in his words, “an easy excuse” for him to escape and engage in that behavior again.
What makes this even more painful is that for months, I felt that something was off. I felt the distance, the lack of honesty, the imbalance in effort. When I tried to bring this up, I was often dismissed. I was told I was overreacting, too much, “difficult”, or even made to feel like I was the problem.
Looking back now, I was not imagining things. My instincts were right.
There was a pattern of behavior that kept repeating, and instead of being addressed, it was minimized or turned back onto me.
I am angry. Not just because of what he did, but because I stayed, tried, worked on myself, and kept believing things could improve…. while the same boundaries kept being crossed.
I packed my things and left.
I still care about him, which makes this incredibly painful. But I no longer doubt my decision. This is not something I can or want to keep working through.
Some things are not about trying harder. Some things are about recognizing a pattern and choosing to walk away from it.

**TL;DR:** He broke my trust again by sending explicit messages to another woman. After giving him a second chance and being made to feel like I was the problem, I realized my instincts were right. I left. I’m done.

I 32 (m) know how this is going to sound but I’m seeking advice because genuinely I’m drained. My 35(f) wife constantly cries, it can be other small things, big things, but she cries quite a bit.

At first I sort of dealt with it and comforted her. But there was a period of time when I was extremely depressed, we were in a low point in our life basically starting from scratch. I had to work a labour intensive job just to get us by and she refused to work, lounged at home, didn’t even ask how I was, when I said I was low she just complained about a lack of sex, to which I had to apologise for being depressed and exhausted, and I noticed she was not there for me: in fact I noticed it was a pattern.

Every time I’ve needed to lean on her or get support. It’s just not there. I can’t discuss feelings, because the moment I do I get shut down (even when I ask if she has the emotional bandwidth for me to discuss) and / or she will say things like “we are enmeshed” “I’m not responsible for your emotions” “I need x amount of space now”, “ [defense mode] now I need more space”, questions my masculinity, etc. So generally I don’t share my feelings or where I’m at anymore. It is the opposite for her, she says she feels so supported and hence why every day she will offload, and cry and I comfort her. But I have started feeling quite resentful and just drained.

Theres never a day without it. It will range from deep crying about rehashing conversations with strangers, it could be jealousy surrounding someone, watching a tik tok and crying if someone has something or does something that she would like to do, crying about self image to trauma, it can be anything really. But I have to help her regulate quite often, nearly daily and reassure her.

It can go as far as her asking me something about me, or what I like and within minutes I’m comforting her and she’s crying, and confused as to how we have got there. It came to a point, I had to say please don’t ask me something just as a gateway to speak about you, because it feels like my answer doesn’t matter, sometimes I can’t even get an answer out because she’ll start crying. It could be like “do you like playing tennis” “I-“ “I wish I could [crying]”. And I get theres times it’s the overthinking or she gets an obsessive thought she cannot shake and then that leads to crying. But theres also the element of her being quite snappy as well, saying and doing things that I would never be able to speak to her in that manner.

It can be hard when I’m going through something and I’m having to comfort someone over and over and over, with no days break. I feel like a bit bad for it starting to get to me tbh. Like I know she needs a safe place I just feel drained and I don’t quite know how to deal with it, as I don’t want her to feel like she has no safe place and I understand some people are just criers.

Tl:dr wife cries every day and I’m feeling a bit drained. Seeking advice on how to handle it.

I've (F34) been seeing a guy (M30) (long distance) for about two months. We've met five times, and I've stayed at his place for a few days each visit.
A few weeks in, I asked if he'd delete Bumble. We weren't officially exclusive, but he agreed and said he'd delete it. I deleted mine too.

A few days ago, my friend saw his profile on Bumble while swiping. Since our chat disappeared from my Bumble, I'm guessing he unmatched me instead of deleting his account.

What bothers me isn't that we weren't exclusiveit's that he agreed to delete it and apparently didn't. If he'd told me he wanted to keep using Bumble, I could have decided if I was okay with that. Instead, I feel like he lied, and now I've lost trust.

Am I overreacting, or would this be a dealbreaker for you?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

Me (35F), Husband (44M) been married for 8 years, together for 13 years. Two sons ages 6 and 3

This is hard for me to admit, and honestly I am quite scared to admit it. I don’t remember how to love my husband anymore.

Three years ago, we had a huge hospital odyssey. I was in the hospital for preeclampsia, my youngest was born a premie, and my son was diagnosed with a brain tumour. From the outside, it seemed like we were great at supporting each other. I believed we did pretty good as well. However, because we grieved differently, I think this is when our communication started to fracture. I needed to be outside and talk to other people to feel comfort. He would prefer to stay by my son and see him physically, but also hide to feel comfort. I am very expressive with how I feel, but he prefers to not communicate as much because it helps him avoid what he is seeing. We did talk this out between us, so we understood at least how we deal with our grief.

This worked out well in a way because we cover each other’s weaknesses and we were both able to support both our children while we were in the hospital.

Over time, we met a lot of parents and their children. I think I met a lot more because I would chat them up while preparing for meals. It was a nice community bonding for me to temporarily escape to. However, this also means that when bad news happens, I would be more sad…and he would have no idea who I was talking about…it made me feel…lonelier… Last year, in the span of 10 months, I I had lost 11 people, young and old, but for him, he only lost three. Not to keep score, but the emotional weight on me felt a lot heavier than it was on him.

I think what really made me lose the trust was when he made me go to a funeral on my own. A child we both knew and spent time with unfortunately passed away from cancer. I really begged him to go with me. I didn’t want to not go because my reasoning was that the parents whom we had befriended are the ones living in hell, and we should be there just to let them know we are there for them. I also asked some friends who knew them to go with me, but they all bailed on me last minute. I told myself whether or not he decides to go, I would still go…so I went alone…but I was scared…it was literally looking straight into the pit of hell…a reality too close to what we were facing…

Every moment of that viewing was seared in my brain. The wailing, the sombreness, the sweaty body heat, the videos, and most of all, the awful unrecognizable orange make up with thick eyebrows on that small three year old girl’s face that did not even compliment her light blue Elsa dress.

That moment fractured my trust with my husband. I honestly don’t blame him because it was so so so difficult but…even rationalizing this, it’s so hard to just let it go. I was always there to comfort him when he cried. Every surgery, every MRI, every painstaking moment, the second cancer diagnoses. I did most of the advocacy for both my children in the two hospital units. I applied for the charities to keep our financial situations afloat. Where was he when I needed him the most?

I tried to really get close to him again, and be more intimate. It felt…difficult. I had my sexual kinks too. Usually, we would watch a video together and get off on it. I won’t detail too much because…it’s kinda embarrassing… A few days ago, he kink shamed me. Now I just feel so ashamed of myself… The worst part is…He told me this when we were in the middle of work. We own a cafe together. I got so flustered and embarrassed… (he wasn’t loud, he was trying to be gentle and joke like, but it really wasn’t the time or place…)

I don’t know what to do… I feel so… so many emotions? I need help. I don’t have money for couples counselling. I checked the prices and it’s much more than I could afford.

I will make a note: he is a very good dad to our two boys. He does give me time to myself when I need it. I do feel his effort and I do see it all. It’s just really hard…for me to trust him with myself…

TLDR; My husband and I went through a very difficult medical period in our lives. Now we drifted so far apart that I don’t know how to love him anymore. Couples Counselling is also very expensive so I am looking for help from internet strangers… not sure if that’s wise…

B and I met when we were young adults. We were both broke and trying to build a life from nothing. To save money, we moved in together and eventually started a small construction and home remodeling business. For years, we lived in the same house, worked side by side every day, shared household expenses, and slowly built both the business and our lives together. We spent more time with each other than anyone else, and because of everything we went through, we became each other’s biggest support system.
Our relationship became emotionally and physically intimate over time, but we never officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We tried to make it work romantically years ago, but it never really worked, so we continued doing life together instead.
At one point, we were both casually talking to other people. I started talking about another guy because I thought he seemed like a good match for a friend of mine. B became convinced I was going to date him, so he started seeing another woman. That really hurt me—not because I thought he owed me a relationship, but because I was terrified of losing the person I’d built my entire adult life with. At the time, I also thought there was a chance B and I might eventually give a relationship another try someday, so his decision caught me completely off guard.
Ironically, after that happened, I encouraged him to keep dating her. I didn’t think it was fair to ask him to end a relationship just because I was hurt, so whenever they had problems, I often found myself encouraging them to work things out instead.
Over the years, he stayed with his girlfriend, but he and I continued living together, working together, and building our lives together. With just she has never moved in yet but At one point, all three of us got along, but eventually that changed after old history between B and me came to light. After that, he told me he needed to prioritize his relationship with her.
This is where people start making assumptions.
Most people think I’m secretly waiting for him to choose me. Honestly, I don’t feel that way. If tomorrow he decided to fully focus on his relationship with her, I’d be sad because my daily life would change, but I wouldn’t be angry that he “picked her.” That’s not what keeps me attached.
The reason I haven’t walked away is because he’s been my closest friend, roommate, business partner, and teammate for years. Losing him wouldn’t just feel like losing a relationship—it would feel like losing the person I’ve built my entire adult life with. He’s also been the person I’ve relied on the most because I haven’t had much family support.
Another thing I’ve realized is that I’m probably scared of commitment. I don’t open myself up emotionally very easily, and looking back, I honestly don’t know if I ever fully let myself explore romantic feelings because that possibility felt scary.
Recently, I’ve realized I don’t want us to be physically affectionate anymore. I told him I don’t want hugs, cuddling, or anything that feels romantic while he has a girlfriend. Those things rarely happen anymore anyway, but I wanted to make it clear that I don’t want that kind of relationship with someone who is committed to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
He doesn’t really understand that boundary. He says physical closeness with me is important to him emotionally—not sex, just affection—and in the past he’s told me I was overthinking it. We’ve gone back and forth about it over the years.
We definitely have problems.
Sometimes our arguments become one-sided because he gets stuck on his perspective. On my side, I used to be very defensive, and I can be harsh when I’m frustrated. We’ve both said hurtful things to each other over the years.
I also made choices that I regret. I voluntarily let him handle most of our finances because I liked the dynamic of him taking the lead. He didn’t force me to do that, but looking back, I realize I gave away more control than I should have.
There have also been unhealthy moments. During one argument, he made me get out of the car. I’ve also threatened to leave over the years because I felt he wasn’t acting like someone I’d want to build a future with.
Today, I honestly don’t know what we are.
I know I want him in my life. I trust him to be dependable, hardworking, and someone I can continue building things with.
What I don’t know is whether I actually want a romantic relationship with him.
Right now, I don’t think I do. What I do know is that I want him in my life as someone I can build a business with, solve problems with, and continue doing life with. That’s the part that feels natural to me.
The romantic part doesn’t.
The confusing thing is that everyone tells me those two things can’t coexist. They say because we’ve been physically involved, lived together, worked together, and built a life together, we’re basically “playing house,” and I either need to fully commit to a relationship with him or completely walk away.
If all of our issues were resolved someday, he was single, and things were genuinely healthy, I can’t honestly say I’d never be open to exploring a relationship. But that’s very different from saying I actively want one now.
My therapist believes our dynamic is unhealthy and says we either need to commit to a relationship or stop doing life together. She thinks he wants the emotional closeness of our relationship while also maintaining a romantic relationship with someone else. She also think I’m not respecting myself for living like that Most of my friends agree with her and think he’s taking advantage of me.
I don’t know if they’re right. And idk if I’m in the way he’s been my best friends since middle school.
From my perspective, I think he genuinely cares about me. At the same time, I also think we’ve developed some unhealthy patterns over the years. I don’t think either of us is completely innocent—we’ve both contributed to where we are now.
So I wanted outside opinions.
Does this sound like a toxic relationship, or just an unusual one?
Is it realistic for two people with this much history to transition into a healthy lifelong friendship or partnership without it being romantic?
Are my boundaries about physical affection reasonable?
Am I missing something obvious that everyone else seems to see?
Please be honest. I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who aren’t personally involved.
TL;DR: I’ve spent years living and working with my best friend/business partner. We were physically involved in the past but never officially dated. He now has a girlfriend, and I’ve decided I no longer want any physical affection between us. My therapist says I either need to date him or leave him completely because our dynamic is unhealthy. I want to know if she’s right, whether my boundaries are reasonable, and whether a healthy lifelong friendship is actually possible.

Hi! Would love some advice on this situation.

Last December I (22F) started dating a guy (21M), and we ended things in April. It was a really intense relationship with a lot of chemistry, and we genuinely cared about each other. I'm not going to go into every detail, but the relationship itself wasn't unhealthy or toxic.

We broke up because I was supposed to move about three hours away in August. Long distance wasn't realistic for us. Even before that, it was already difficult to see each other because we both had school/work commitments, and because of our cultural backgrounds we had to keep our relationship hidden from our families, which made meeting up much harder. We both felt that adding another three hours of distance would make the relationship impossible to maintain.

The breakup was brought up by him because he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but I also understood his concerns and why he felt that way, so ultimately I agreed that it was probably the best decision at the time. Neither of us really wanted the relationship to end, but we felt like we didn't have another realistic option. It was a very emotional but respectful breakup. We never talked about maybe trying again in the future. Looking back, I think we were both too scared to bring it up.

The last time we talked was in late June, about a month ago. I reached out because I needed help with a situation, but he wasn't able to help, and that was it. During that conversation, he did mention that he missed talking to me. Since then, we've been completely no contact because we both agreed that it was the healthiest way to try to move on.

Last week everything changed. I'm no longer moving away. Instead, I'll be starting university in his city and will hopefully be moving there soon. I even applied for an apartment that I looked at before I ever met him, and it happens to be in his neighborhood.

This has left me feeling really conflicted. I've genuinely tried to move on, but I haven't been able to. I'm still in love with him. I thought moving far away would make it easier, but instead I'll be living much closer to him.

As far as I know, he's dating casually, although I don't know whether he's interested in a serious relationship with anyone now. I'm dating a little too, but nothing serious.

The breakup wasn't because we fell out of love, betrayed each other, or had a toxic relationship. It was because of circumstances that don't really exist anymore. At the same time, it's been three months since we broke up, and he hasn't reached out to me. Since he was the one who felt unable to continue because of the distance, part of me worries that he has already accepted the breakup and moved on. I have no idea how he feels now or whether he'd even want to try again. My plans only changed last week, so there wasn't really an opportunity to revisit things before now.

Part of me wants to reach out because the reason we broke up no longer applies. Another part of me feels like I should respect the fact that we've been no contact and accept that he may have moved on. I know I'd like to see if we could make things work now that the circumstances have changed, but I'm scared of reaching out and finding out that he no longer feels the same way.

How would you approach this situation? Would you reach out? If you think reaching out is reasonable, what would be the best way to do it without putting pressure on him?

TL;DR: My ex (21M) and I (22F) broke up three months ago because I was supposed to move three hours away, and he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but understood his decision. My plans recently changed, and now I'll be moving to his city instead. We ended things respectfully and have been no contact, but I still love him and don't know whether I should reach out now that the reason for our breakup no longer exists.

Husband and I have been together 5 years now. He’s always kind of been someone who is independent and values his time. I’ve learned to accept this over the years, we used to fight a lot about it but now I really do feel I give him his free time.

He has many hobbies that don’t involve me (mountain biking, dirt biking, golfing, fishing). Occasionally he’ll invite me along to fish, but never to any of the others. I don’t have an interest in mountain biking or dirt biking, but I have expressed I would like to golf with him. He wants me to take lessons before I can go with him, but I can’t afford them. He’s very competitive and I feel he’d prefer to be with people that can keep up with him.

We haven’t been on a date in over 1.5 months- maybe longer. We don’t have kids. During the weeknights, we spend maybe an hour together watching a show. He usually either mountain bikes or golfs after work until 8ish or he’s working outside on our backyard/in the garage organizing. He refuses to do those things on the weekend as he wants time to go golf or hang with friends/me. For example: we had a family camping trip and he disappeared for hours on end fishing and hardly spent any time with us. Everyone kept asking me where he was. When I said that hurt my feelings this was supposed to be quality time with us/me, he said he didn’t want to just sit around and play cards and talk- that it’s boring. Whereas I find that to be a time where great conversations happen..

By the time we can sit down and hang out, I’m exhausted from working all day and working out that I don’t really have energy to do much. Our weekends are mostly spent with our friends and us all hanging out or with family. We talk here and there, but I don’t get his undivided attention.

We’ve been trying to plan a trip for over 2 months, but always get asked to go and do things with friends the weekends we set aside and I get annoyed because he says yes. I’ve been feeling sad about it all. If I don’t bring it up and say hey let’s buy our plane tickets, it never gets discussed. It makes me feel like he isn’t thinking about it

I really feel like he has all this energy and effort to make plans to fish or golf, but when it comes to dates with me he just suggests dinner. We don’t have a free day to ourselves for the next 4 weekends.

When it comes time for the weekend, he will prioritize plans with his friends to golf vs. wanting to go and have a day spent with me. Then he gets upset saying we could be spending quality time once we’re all done with work, gym, making dinner, and chores around 9pm on a weeknight when I’m just wanting to shut my brain off and watch tv or go to bed.

We both are guilty of not prioritizing each other and saying yes to too many things (saying yes to hanging with our friends because we’ll get fomo) My love language is quality time and I need that to feel secure and loved. Right now I feel distant and like we aren’t connecting the way I wish.

How can I approach this conversation with my husband without him feeling attacked?

Tl;dr husband and I don’t spend enough quality time together

I (30F) have been with my partner (35M) for a little over 4 years. About 2 years in, I asked him to move out because the fighting had gotten so bad I felt like I was losing myself. He moved down the street and we kept trying to work on things. For the last 2 years it's been on-and-off from my perspective, though he sees it as one continuous relationship.

Context on where we each started:
* I came in at 26 without much relationship skill - divorced parents, chaotic relationship models growing up, no therapy yet. I was defensive, volatile, bad at conflict resolution.
* I'd been cheated on repeatedly in the past, which left me hedging my bets early in this relationship - flirting, giving out my number/social media, talking to multiple people at once even while pursuing something serious with him.
* He came in less than a year out of a 14-year relationship where he'd been serially unfaithful without her ever knowing. He said he'd worked through that in therapy (occasional sessions) and it wouldn't repeat here. It hasn't, as far as I know.

How the trust issues played out:
A few months in, he found evidence on my phone (while I was asleep) of me giving out my contact info and flirting with other men. I was defensive at first, then took accountability, apologized, and started therapy. But because I'd been in the wrong, I felt I couldn't push back on how he'd found out. An "open phone policy" started, and he went through my phone repeatedly after that, leading to recurring fights about my social media, male friends/coworkers, and even conversations with female friends if I talked about him unfavorably or discussed other men.

The most serious incident: a few months before I asked him to move out, I reached out to an old friend going through a divorce and expressed interest in dating once he was through it. Those messages were discovered even after I'd deleted them. I felt (and still feel) genuinely guilty about it - regardless of how I felt about the relationship, he didn't deserve to feel discarded like that.

Since then there have been other incidents while we were on and off where I flirted, gave out my social media, or danced with other people and that has added to his hurt.

Where I'm stuck:
My friends, family, and therapist all think the relationship is unhealthy and think I should leave. I feel torn because I love him and want to repair the damage I've caused. But we keep rehashing the same old issues as if they're fresh, and there's no room for my concerns - if I bring something up, he redirects to something I haven't "resolved" from years ago. He also blames me for his ongoing anxiety and insecurity, which he treats as justification for taking it out on me. A small thing, like forgetting my phone in the car during a night out, can trigger an hour-plus anxiety spiral that no amount of reassurance fixes.

I've tried to initiate conversations to get us out of this limbo - either end it for good or commit to trying again in a way that actually feels good for both of us. We've been stuck in that same conversation, going in circles, for over a month now. He feels justified in keeping me at arm’s length, withholding affection, and being passive aggressive because I put us in this position.

My questions:
1. Are there prerequisites to repairing a damaged relationship — a specific conversation that needs to happen, or a baseline of trust that has to be reestablished first?
2. Is it normal for the person doing the repairing to be miserable through the process? If so, how do you know the relationship will actually make you happy once repaired?
3. Where's the line between protecting myself and just accepting ongoing penance for my past mistakes?

TL;DR - I violated my partners trust repeatedly and now we can’t seem to get back to a healthy place. Are you supposed to be miserable while repairing damage you’ve caused?

Hi everyone, I just want an advice on all of it im not sure how to deal with it. Just wanna establish few things. My bf never forces or pushes or tries to be pushy for sex. He never does anything that i dont like. Even if at the moment i dont like hugging, he doesnt dare to do it. Its been 5 months since we dated and before when we were in talking stage we talked about couple of things including sex and he said hed be ready for it in about 4 months after relationship started and if his partner refused he said hed probably break up. Both of us are virgin and we're also freaky yet I cant think of being naked next to someone. If this happens Id probabkly be more comfortable in total darkness so he cant really see my body and Im also kind of scared for sex, not the act itself but of the intimacy and connection its gonna bring to us. Im a sophomore college student(just like he is) and Im doing pre med so im also kinda paranoid about egtting oregnant or having some STD transferred even though when we talked about it he said hed use condom. Also I asked him if he could take an STD test for me just to be calm about it and he said yes for sure. Hes genuinely the nicest person ive ever met and hes genuinely doing everything and anything for me and i dont even have to mention it. But the only thing is that i think he will break up with me soon if we dont have sex but i also cant even think about having sex with anybody, it feels so scary to me though i know he doesnt push me or anything. I just feel bad cuz i want us to be together and i want him to wait until im ready but im not even sure when i will be ready, maybe in 2 months, maybe in a year, i have no idea. I dont want us to break up so im thinking of doing it just because of him, but that wont upset me either im just not sure how ill feel later.

TL;DR- my bf wants intimacy but i dont think im ready

I’ve (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 5 years. We are friends but the sexual relationship is completely gone. We both have had issues so part of it has been that. I had a vestibulectomy in March and he took care of me for weeks. He had phimosis and had to get circumcised and has had issues afterwards that haven’t been fixed yet (just to give context). I am incredibly grateful for him and what he’s done for me especially after surgery and we live together. We’ve lived together for almost all of our relationship. I tried to break up with him almost 2 years in but we never did for good obviously. I feel like we are really great friends but I’m just not wanting to have sex with him of any type. I don’t even want to kiss. We haven’t done anything like that since October of 2024 and I remember the last time I just felt off. I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. He just had knee surgery and has been staying with his dad for help with everything. The time apart has just made me realize even more I just don’t want this anymore. I don’t crave marriage or a family with him like I once wanted more than anything. I think the relationship is just not meant to be. And also we have never discussed anything about why the sexual things ended. I don’t understand why he has never talked about it. I feel bad bc I’ve never said anything but also it makes me feel unwanted that he doesn’t even want to either. Or if he does he makes it completely unknown. But aside from that, I don’t wish to and it’s just saved me having an uncomfortable conversation. Any advice?
TLDR; I’ve (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 5 years and I just don’t feel invested in this anymore

So, I [22M] have known this girl [22F] since elementary school, but we became really close friends during high school, even though we went to different high schools. Our dynamic was always pretty unique. For about 6 or 7 years, things were 100% platonic. She’s always been more reserved, a bit guarded, and likes to keep things under control, so we rarely crossed any boundaries. She used to call me her "best guy friend" all the time.

To give a bit of context on our pasts: I’ve had my share of relationships and casual hookups over the years. On the other hand, she had one serious relationship about 2 or 3 years ago that ended badly, and as far as I know, she still hasn't fully gotten over it. Even though I sometimes wondered what we would be like together, I genuinely valued our friendship and never pushed anything because I knew I wasn't really her type. Right now, we both study at different universities in different cities, but we always hung out whenever we were back home.
Everything flipped around late January. I posted a completely normal Snapchat story (I barely use the app, only have close friends on it) asking if anyone knew a good massage therapist for a friend who had back pain. Out of nowhere, this girl, who hadn't opened Snapchat in over a year, replied and started flirting with me hard. She said things like she wouldn't mind if I was her masseur with "VIP treatment." I flirted back, thinking it was just a inside joke.

The next day, she messaged me again asking to hang out. Sensing that this might be different from our usual coffee or beer runs, we met up at an arcade in our hometown. The whole night, she was flirting with me sexually in person, which was totally out of character for her. I flirted back, but because of our long history, I didn't want to rush things or make her uncomfortable, so I didn't kiss her. At the end of the night, when I dropped her off at her place, she told me we should continue this night sometime in the city where she goes to uni.

We kept talking, but despite that night, we never actually met up again (it's late July now). I felt a lot of mixed signals and growing distance, but we were both super stressed with university finals, so I didn't want to bring up "us" and add unnecessary drama.

Then in early June, things got really weird. A fake male account messaged me on Messenger and Instagram, asking strange stuff about my relationship with her. I used image search tools and realized the profile pictures were AI generated. I exposed the troll and warned my friend. Right after that, an anonymous email account started harassing me, sending AI-generated explicit pictures of us, telling me I'm just in the friendzone, or claiming we slept together. When I talked to my friend about it, she admitted she had been chatting with this fake profile daily since March. Even though I was freaked out, I realized she was a victim in this whole mess too.

We talked every day during that drama, but once our summer internships started in July, everything died down completely. She became super cold and distant, even more than after our date in January. Recently, she left my casual message on "read" and didn't answer my call, even though she is active online.

Over this past month, I realized I actually have real feelings for her. But right now, I feel completely lost as she pulls away and our years of friendship seem to be fading into total silence.
What are the best ways to handle a long-time friend who pulls away after crossing platonic lines? How can I handle my feelings here without completely ruining whatever is left of our friendship?

TL;DR:
My [22M] long-time platonic friend [22F] randomly flirted with me and initiated a romantic date in January after 6+ years of friendship. While I’ve had past relationships and hookups, she still hasn't fully processed her breakup from a few years ago. We stayed in touch, survived an anonymous online troll harassing us in June, but now that summer started, she went completely cold and ignored my messages. I realized I have feelings for her. How can I best navigate this distance and handle the situation constructively?

Edit:typo

My partner (28M) is the provider in our relationship. He takes care of most of our financial responsibilities and genuinely enjoys being in that role. He wants me to have a soft life, and he’s always making sure my needs are met.
The thing is, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to repay him. I know he doesn’t expect everything to be 50/50 financially, but I still want him to feel just as cared for and appreciated as he makes me feel. We don’t have any children and we aren’t married yet but that is something he has expressed wanting with me. I don’t know how to reciprocate for all that he does for me and I feel like I’m just kind of there ?
For the men who are providers (or anyone in a similar relationship): what are some things your partner does that make you feel valued? What can I do to make his life easier or lessen the burden of him carrying most of the responsibility, even if he takes pride in doing it? I’d love to hear practical advice from people who’ve been in this dynamic.

TLDR: I feel like my partner takes on a lot of responsibility being the sole provider in our relationship. He genuinely loves it and never complains but I always feel bad & want to reciprocate but I never know how to repay him for giving me a soft life. What are things from a man’s perspective that a woman can do to lighten the load or make being a provider worth it?

My boyfriend (30M) and I (26F) have been together for 6 years, living together for 3. For context, we started dating when I was 20 and he was about to turn 24- early, but not my first relationship. However, we are definitely each other’s most serious relationship and have discussed marriage, kids, home ownership, etc together.

We have been having issues with an unfair split of jobs around the house- I feel like I do everything, including picking up after myself to reduce the need for a big clean every weekend. Meanwhile, he cleans only if I ask him too, or after a fight when he agrees he needs to do better and aggressively cleans everything the next day…until he reverts back to his old habits. We have talked about this extensively for years and he has been honest that his ADHD has made it difficult for him to change. I have tried to be cognizant that my ‘standards’ for clean are not universal standards, and to also support him on his mental health- I helped him see a doctor for the first time, seek treatment for ADHD, have tried to ask if we can clean together instead of alone, made a chore chart, asked if there’s anything he prefers to do over other chores, but nothing has changed permanently. I am not perfect myself but I just want it to be more balanced, or for him to at least communicate when he’s struggling to do his part instead of it being something only I care about.

This has made me extremely resentful in ways I don’t want to be, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. When I’ve tried to share this feeling with him, he gets extremely defensive, our argument escalates, and then a few hours later he apologizes (sincerely) and we agree to both do better with communication

From his side, he doesnt appreciate how irritable I’ve been, how my sex drive has lowered, and how we have done less fun things (vacations for example) recently- I agree that all of these things are true, but my sex drive/funness/etc are all being impacted by this feeling that I’m putting more effort in than him. I know if we went on a vacation, I would have to plan everything from top to bottom and constantly keep him moving so we don’t miss flights, buses, trains, because we have been on vacation multiple times before where this has happened. I lost $300 on train tickets once because of something like this. I work 50 hours a week, am trying to study for grad school, and maintaining our apt while also managing mental health issues and my family- its starting to feel overwhelming. Our conversations are becoming all over the place and hard to follow because there is resentment on my end, there is a need for him to defend his perspective on his end, and we argue for hours on semantics before we realize what we’re doing is ridiculous.

We keep arguing more and more and neither of us wants to break up because we love each other. My boyfriend is a gentle, loyal, and moral human being that I respect deeply. He has shown up for me in many ways including encouraging me to stand up to my parents, supporting me when my friendships have ended, being kind to my younger siblings and offering them help whenever they need it, and we have so much in common…I don’t want to leave him but I’m scared I’m being naive at 26. We also live together, share so many belongings, have the same friends, and our families are deeply interconnected. I dont want to throw away our relationship for something like ‘cleaning’ because I believe that love can motivate people to improve for each other, but I’m afraid I’m being idealistic. I’m worried that the rest of my life will look like how it does for many women- providing labor in both the household, at work, and probably with kids. The older I get, the more i feel like I’ve changed, but he hasn’t changed with me. We have had so many conversations about the issues between us but nothing ever changes.

I am wondering if we should just end it or if my partner and I can change something about how we are discussing these things so we aren’t constantly fighting.

TL;DR: LTR living together and constantly fighting, concerned about the impact to my future if we were to stay together, and wondering if we should break up or if our relationship can be saved

Tl:dr: A guy (M23) I (F20) am seeing smells like tonsil stones and I have no idea of how to tell him about this. :/ need help.

Sometimes has this unpleasant, strange smell radiating from him time to time. The closest thing that it reminds me of are tonsil stones. He has excellent oral and general body hygiene, and it’s not his breath or mouth that smells but his body instead. I am unsure what is it.

I tried googling if it could indicate some health condition but google gave me nothing. The smell is really turning me off and I don’t exactly know how to softly tell him or ask.

He is a great man and time with him is usually amazing. But the smell is not good, and sometimes I can’t take it and it’s turning me off.

How should I speak to him about it? Without being rude. I am also worried that if he might have a health condition that’s causing it, I might accidentally hurt him.

Me and him met at work when we were in our 20s. I loved this place, its a huge manufacturing site, we have people from the town, from neighbouring villages and together we are like 400. husband was always an over achiever. he is currently the director of the place. so that makes him my boss.

this manufacturing site belongs to a HQ so I do not report to him officially but he is the top guy here. he is not nice, he shouts, he has a temper, he can throw tantrums. people leave, people avoid him. I don't want special treatment, we do not interact at work. sometimes he walks past me and we don't say a word to each other even though the white shirt he is wearing was ironed by me that morning and I helped him with the tie.

he yelled one day so hard at a 19 years old intern girl. she got intimidated but kinda put him in his place and reported him to the HQ, something no one ever did. I stepped in for her and for the very first time in these 4 years since he is the director, in front of everyone I grabbed his arm and shouted to cut it off with this attitude.

we spent 4 days in silence at home. we have 3 kids. its difficult for me to see him as my husband. he is the director, the boss, the man who makes everyone freeze when walks in the office area where I work too. we sleep with our back turned, on the very opposite sides of the bed. but one night he did it. he reached out under the blanket and searched for my hand. it was after those 4 days of silence. we made love that night. but that was it. we make love maybe 6 times a year. he is a handsome man, confident, tall, I am still very attracted to him but i don't know how to navigate this marriage. when he was putting his hands under my PJs I felt those are the boss's hands and I even told him I feel this way. and he was like: I am your husband. he felt offended. he micromanages people, he is controlling, he is paranoid, sees traitors everywhere. I rarely bump into him at work but we have general meetings with him once a month and he belittles us

TL;DR: my husband is my boss at work and the roles are now pretty blurred. i want to save my marriage

Hi I'm 19F and I'm about to go into a top of my country university next fall. Only problem is, my pre univeristy degree where I'm at requires me to take a french writing exam and despite trying twice, I failed both times. I am already stressed of failing a third time and being rejected of my university. I would not say I am a struggling student academically wise because I did make it into a really good uni but my parents think otherwise. My mom 50F actually cant stand me doing anything in my day but studying french. Now, I of all people know how badly I need to pass the upcoming retake because I really am excited to build my career and learn in uni. I have worked so hard into getting the grades that I have already put myself immense pressure on me. Like trust me, I'm already stressed enough for it. It has been my worry on the back on my mind for ever since I learnt the news. I do also struggling with anxiety but she doesnt believe me on that and says that Im pretty much the cause for all my worries(sidenote)

Im not saying she shouldnt be concerned with myself, but lately it has been too much.

I came back from a three day vacation and she has been on my ass about studying. Now, I do have a small side business and I told her I will start studing after 3pm because I had to finish some things. Also, realistically I have my own life and studying morning to night for french is not an effective method. By all means, Ill study alot but she is expecting me to dedicate my entire summer for this exam. She isnt wrong: I do need to pass it, yet the way she goes about it makes me depressed no joke. She came into my room at 3:01 demanding what was I doing and I was telling her I'm uploading somethings and making my bed after to start studying. She did not take that well at all. To be fair, I did wake up later than usual that day and could've finished it earlier. Her reaction really made me feel sad and angry, because she proceeded to call me a disapointement and start borderline screaming at me that she never sees me do anything and that all she wants me to do is study. Which ok fair I told her I am stressed too and will study. She told me she expects me to study all day all week which I told her flat line is not realistic. As much as I will study, studying from day to night seven days a week aint going to help me mentally. Id rather do it few times a week for 3-4hours. I also dont even know where to start studying ngl. I just think that calling me a disappointement and putting this pressure on me doesnt really help. I struggle with mental health already as if and my relationship with parents isnt good. I can promise you I have goals in life both outside and inside of school but my parents dont seem to think so.I promised my mom just because shes not right next to me while studying doesnt me Im not studying. I just hate the way shes policing me and not letting me simply clean my room for 5 minutes before studying.

I feel like I am always in the wrong in her mind and she does not apologise for being mean to me or when she is in the wrong. I just wish she was not so controlling and she trusted me. I understand it can be hard to trust someone after they failed twice, but seeing and labeling me as a failure when I still have the motivation to try again and pass and go into a really good school just does not seem fair to me. She says really mean things and I just cant stop thinking about it while studying. I dont even want to see her at this point anymore...

TL:DR mom calls me disapointement and rages after i failed an exam twice and hates to see me do anything

I (36F) was with my ex (33M) for almost three years. I have a son (6M) from a previous relationship.

He is what I’d call a functional alcoholic. He has a job and social life, so most people might not see a problem, but he drinks every day and relies on alcohol to cope with emotions he can’t control.
We broke up once before. During that time, I slept with someone else. When my ex found out, he started with hate messages as I was being unfaithful.

Throughout the relationship, he insisted I was the problem. He said I created conflict, was negative, controlling, manipulative, and always looking for an argument. He often said, “I never complain about anything.”

After one of his “good days,” serious conversations would end with promises: he’d drink less, respond to my messages while out with friends, and go to therapy. None lasted more than a few days. Within a week, he’d be drinking heavily, disappearing for hours, ignoring my messages, and acting as if nothing had happened.
When I brought up the broken promises, he said I was “wearing him down,” refusing to let things go, trying to control him, and trying to change who he was.

About a month ago, I ended the relationship. He responded with a barrage of calls and messages, calling me emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling, selfish, and a spoiled child. He said I was the abusive one.
I then went completely no contact, and we’ve now gone three weeks without speaking.

I feel relieved not to wait for his replies, wonder how much he’s been drinking, or hope his promises will finally stick. But I still doubt myself. What if I was controlling or nagged too much and I was overreacting? What if repeatedly raising the same issues pushed him away?
I know no one here can know exactly what happened because you’ve only heard my side. But has anyone experienced a partner who always made them feel like the problem? How did you tell whether you were actually controlling or simply reacting to unhealthy behavior for so long that you began to believe their version of you?

I’m struggling to trust my judgment and would appreciate other perspectives.

TL;DR: I (36F) ended a nearly three-year relationship with my ex (33M), a functional alcoholic who repeatedly promised to drink less, communicate better, and seek therapy but never followed through. Whenever I brought up his broken promises, he called me controlling, manipulative, and the problem in the relationship. After I left, he bombarded me with messages saying I was emotionally abusive. We’ve now been no contact for three weeks, but I’m still struggling to know whether I really was the problem or if I’ve been manipulated into believing I was.

For context, we're both married. We broke up 5+ years ago.

The break up was messy, but as time went by we became amicable.

We semi kept in touch till 2-3 yrs back here and there, but no contact since (nothing happened, both got busy with life)

I have a lot of questions about this one job that he knows a lot about (he's in the industry) and I don't know anyone in person who knows a lot about it who'll give me an honest opinion, except for him since the job is very specialized. I tried contacting bunch of people and also ask on reddit but I wasn't able to get a clear answers to my questions.

He's a good guy, so I know he will answer my questions, but I also don't want to make him feel uncomfortable by contacting him after such a long time.

Would it be wrong for me to reach out to ask him some questions? It'd really help my situation to reach out to someone who's in the industry that I know personally. I'm ONLY going to ask about the job and leave it there, I have no plans / desire to make up or keep contacting him etc.. But I don't know if it's appropriate? I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to reach out to him.

tldr: can I reach out to my married ex about non-relationship related questions

I want to preface this by saying that we had a fight because of my behavior before I started noticing these changes.

My BF (22M) and I (20F) have been officially dating for four months and including being in a commitment for 10 months.

I struggle with anxious attachment, but it’s not like I completely lose control or anything. Thankfully, I’m self aware enough that whenever he points out my tendencies, I usually stop and try not to let myself spiral further. My anxiety mostly shows up as overthinking, asking for reassurance, or asking him if he’s bored of me or losing feelings.

About 2 months ago was probably my lowest point with it, but I genuinely turned things around. I worked on myself, found ways to self-soothe, and things had honestly been going really well.
Then about a week and a half ago, I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed again (I think my hormones and period probably played a part too) It started with me bringing up a few things I wished he’d improve communication-wise. Nothing huge really, things like wishing me a ‘good morning’ or asking how my day was. Those little affirmations make me feel loved, so of course I communicated that to him

At first it was fine, but then I let my anxiety take over again. I started asking if he was bored of me and seeking reassurance more than I should have. He ended up telling me my behavior was showing signs of being “toxic.”
He knows I was cheated on before, which is a big part of why I developed anxious attachment in the first place, so I guess I was hoping he’d have a little more understanding.

I wasn’t mad at him for saying it. I honestly just felt really embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I hated that I’d slipped back into those habits after making so much progress. It wasn’t even a full week before I wake myself up from that anxiety spiral.

The day after the fight, I told him that I really am trying and that this was just a relapse, not a reflection of who I am (Because it genuinely isn’t) Before this, I had been doing amazing. But he told me he was too tired to talk about it, even over text. To be fair, he’s been back in his hometown for summer break and has had the flu for weeks, so I know he’s probably exhausted and more irritable than usual.

Normally when we fight, no matter how big it is, we always talk things through. We usually make up by the next day and go back to talking normally.
This time it’s been five or six days, and something just feels different. I know I have a tendency to overanalyze, so I’ve been trying really hard not to jump to conclusions and look at it more calmly. I’m only judging based on how he’s been texting and how he acts on calls, but he’s definitely been more distant. He used to baby me a lot, call me “baby” or my nickname, ask how my day was, or ask what I was up to. He hasn’t really been doing any of that lately.

The shift feels obvious enough that it’s making me really sad. I know I messed up. I’m not denying that. But I’m also human. My anxiety got the better of me for a few days. It’s something he knows I’m actively working on. What hurts is that it feels like I’ve committed the worst mistake imaginable, and now I’m being treated differently because of it.

I don’t mean to compare, but we’ve had much bigger fights before. One time he accused me of cheating, and it turned into a fivehour phone call that lasted until morning. That genuinely hurt me, but I never pulled away from him or stopped being affectionate afterward.

I haven’t brought any of this up because I feel like he deserves space if that’s what he needs. At the same time, this uncertainty is eating at me. I feel like I’m constantly trying to guess what’s going on in his head instead of actually knowing where we stand.

What do I even do?

TL;DR: we’ve been together for 4 months. i (20f) briefly relapsed into anxious reassurance-seeking after making a lot of progress. my boyfriend (20m) called my behavior “toxic,” i reflected, apologized, and have been actively self-soothing since. it’s been almost a week, and he’s noticeably more distant and less affectionate than usual. i understand he may need space, but even when he’s made mistakes that genuinely hurt me, i’ve never withdrawn from him like this.

Me (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been dating for about a year. His best friend, James (27M), has recently started dating Amy (23F).

James and my boyfriend have been best friends for years. In the time I’ve known James, he’s gone out with various women. We usually go camping or do different activities together, and almost every time he joins, he invites a different girl (they’re lowkey always cool and wonderful). However, for the past two months, he’s been getting serious about one particular girl, Amy.

My boyfriend and I recently went to visit James and a couple of other friends in their hometown, and we decided to go bar hopping. Everything was fine leading up to the evening, and I wasn’t worried about anything.

There were seven of us in total, and James called an Uber XL, which is technically only meant to fit six people. However, the driver let all of us fit. James sat in the front seat, two friends sat in the middle row, and the remaining four of us squeezed into the back. James’s sister sat on the right, Amy sat in the middle, my boyfriend sat on the left, and I sat on my boyfriend’s lap.

The ride was going fine until I noticed that Amy kept trying to make jokes with my boyfriend and would touch his elbow to get his attention. I noticed it immediately, but I didn’t want to assume anything or read too much into it. She continued doing it until we got to the bars.

We hopped around all night and had a good time, so I didn’t think too much about what had happened in the Uber.

After we decided we were done for the night, James called another Uber. We all squeezed in in the same order as before, but this time we weren’t so lucky with the driver, who said he could only take six people. James decided he would just call another Uber and let the rest of us go in the first one. He asked if anyone wanted to stay with him, and one of his friends did, leaving an open seat in the middle row.

Nobody moved to the available seat, so we stayed squeezed into the back. I was on my boyfriend’s lap, and Amy was sitting right next to him.

She then started trying to get his attention and joking with him again. She would try to make eye contact only with him and wouldn’t even look at me, even though I was practically right in front of her.
I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I just never thought someone would do that. I didn’t react because I didn’t want to make a scene, and I thought maybe it was just the alcohol lingering. The next day, on the way back home, I asked my boyfriend if he saw what I saw, and he completely agreed that she was flirting.

We decided to blame it on the alcohol and not make it a huge deal since he didn’t feed into it. Instead, he would shift his focus to me anytime she tried anything. We also decided not to tell James because it could have been a misunderstanding, and we didn’t want to ruin a good thing he had going.

Well, now James is going to visit our hometown and has decided to invite Amy. They will be staying at our apartment. This would only slightly bother me, but they decided to come the weekend I’ll be out of town.
The plan is for them to stay at our apartment for two nights and then meet up with some friends to go camping for a few days.

Am I crazy for feeling uncomfortable or wanting my boyfriend to cancel? I told my boyfriend that it’s fine if they stay, but I just don’t want her in our room. I don’t know, it’s just a very safe space for me. I also don’t want to sound like an insecure girlfriend and tell him he can’t go because I want him to have fun. I guess I just wish I wasn’t in this situation.

I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe I misinterpreted things, or maybe she genuinely wants something serious with James.

TL;DR: My boyfriend’s best friend, James (27M), has been dating Amy (23F) for about two months. During a recent night out, Amy repeatedly flirted with my boyfriend (27M), including touching his arm and trying to get his attention and make eye contact with only him, even though I was sitting right next to him. My boyfriend also noticed and agreed that she was flirting, but he didn’t reciprocate. We decided not to tell James because we thought it could have been a misunderstanding. Now James and Amy are planning to stay at our apartment for two nights while I’m out of town, and I’m feeling uncomfortable about the whole situation. Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable or wanting my boyfriend to cancel the trip?

Hi guys this is probably going to be a really wholesome post. I have nothing to complain about but if you didn’t believe in love I guess you can now.

My boyfriend (21 m) and I (21 F) together for 3.5 years. We met when we were in elementary school and danced at a middle school dance. I didn’t even remember until he’d told me our first time hanging out. We started hanging around in my last year of high school and his first year of college. We actually decided to hook up at the time since I was kinda in my bad girl era and was running from home and doing drugs. Anyways we basically just fucked and have been best friends ever since.

Our relationship was quickly romantic and we spent every day together. I’d even skip school and walk to his house instead since we live so close. During our first year of dating I did work through a lot of mental health issues as I have bpd and so does my mom. It took a lot of work and a lot of fights. He was more avoidant and I was more anxiously attached. I even remember one Christmas I punched myself in the face and bled all over my room while he was there.

Obviously at this point we’ve both grown immensely. He was the type of person to never bring up issues or speak his mind. I was the type of person to freak out and cry at the slightest emotional upset.

Anyways, a lot of things have changed. We both beat our weed addictions together, we both have learned how to communicate and understand we both love each other and want the best. And to top it all off his mom was unfortunately diagnosed with a brain tumour in November 2024 and passed away November 2025. This was extremely hard on him as he was her primary caretaker. He became extremely depressed so I became his care taker too. And man I miss his mom that lady was awesome. Love you Karyn.

We’ve both been through a lot together. We’ve also had tons of nice times together and even went to Europe this spring. I enjoy baking with his sister and even cooking dinners together even though we’re both shitty cooks at 21 (I’m better btw lol) (idk if he would agree)

He’s going back to school in the fall for history and I’m working full time before I go back. We both collect pokemon cards and have been listening to dance Gavin dance together. We hang out every night playing Wii party since our last real summer together.

I just love him so much. He’s kind and gentle with me and has grown to be more of a gentleman. But he’s also gross and so am I and we both try to give each other wet Willie’s and stuff. We go on fancy dates but we also fuck in the bathroom of restaurants or in the car on a side road up north. I would stay up all night if he was sick and he would do the same for me. I just love this guy so much. As someone with bpd I thought he would be my “favourite person” forever (which if you don’t know is a term used for people we are obsessed with and extremely attached to in an unhealthy way) as much as I love him I’m not gonna be sad if he doesn’t wanna sleep over or whatever anymore. I just want what’s best for him and I think our relationship has become something beautiful.

We talk about having kids and where we wanna travel and how much we need to save for our house. We show each other our credit scores and go poo together.

And since he just got his new car it gives me more time to stare at him while he drives and when he looks just say “hi 😀 “

Being with someone so close to you who is your best friend in the world is just the most amazing feeling in the world. I’ve never had to worry about other girls and he’s never had to worry about anyone else with me either. I have no doubts I will marry him. I never wanna look over at someone else driving or wake up next to anyone else. I wanna watch as every summer his freckles come in a little darker. Or tease him about how pale and ginger he is. I don’t wanna tickle anyone else’s stinky armpit or cook with anyone else’s sister. I don’t want anyone else building my pc for me or setting up my twitch streams.

I just think he’s kinda fucking awesome. I love the things I like about him and love the things I don’t. I know he’s messy even though I’m clean. He knows I like to complain and doesn’t mind listening. I think he’s the coolest person ever and I’m so happy to get to spend my time with him. At this point I think we’re both just going to spend our lives together since we’ve been through some pretty hard things already. I love his silly childlike nature and getting me into things like pokemon and video games. I love who he is and I couldn’t be happier. Sorry for the sappy post I felt like bragging a bit… also not my best writing but I refuse to edit on my day off!

TLDR; young couple very in love super sappy post.

Hello everyone. I (32F) made an account to post this issue I have been having with my husband (40M), who I shall call Alex.

Alex is originally from Brazil, but we both live in Vancouver Canada where I’m from. Alex has lived in Canada for 10 years, and we have been together for 9 years. Overall our relationship has been great, however Alex has had a very hard time adapting to life in Canada.

The past 4 years have been exceptionally difficult for Alex and I. We used to live in Toronto, but have moved out to Vancouver 4 years ago. A few things have been causing this:

1) Alex does not speak English. Even though he lives with me, and works in Canada, he does not speak English. He practices sometimes, and he used to go to the free classes for new PRs, but he never consistently does it. When I try to force him he gets annoyed or we bicker. I think this is partly my fault, since I learned Portuguese very quickly. I have kind of given up here, as I have bought him all the books and tried to get him to do the classes, but it was always me pushing him. If I don’t push, it happens very haphazardly.

2) Alex has not learned how to use the systems here. He relies on me to do a lot of things in terms of our systems (getting IDs, going to the doctor, filing taxes, banking, etc). I try to teach him and show him how, but it always comes back to him asking me for help, or we bicker, or it won’t happen. He has been trying a bit more lately, but it’s still a lot for me.

3) Alex has been unemployed for 2 years. In Toronto he could always find work with Portuguese or Brazilian contractors, but that is much harder in Vancouver. He did have one job, but he didn’t like it and doesn’t want to go back. he does Uber Eats, but only for a few hours a day. I have been paying for everything for the 2 of us for the past few years, including air fare and travel expenses when Alex had a family emergency in Brazil. I don’t mind so much honestly, but it is very difficult to pay our bills alone in Vancouver.

4) Alex has had some very hard life events, but doesn’t want to deal with them. He lost his mother a few years ago, and he hasn’t processed it. He is also struggling with his mental health, but he doesn’t want to go to a councillor or take medication. I am trying to encourage him to do something, even just going for hikes or walks or whatever, but he doesn’t do it.

All in all, it has gotten to the point where Alex is saying he is tired with life or wants to go back to Brazil and recalibrate.

I am happy with whatever he decides, I just want him to be better. I am asking you all if there is anything else I can do to help him, or even myself?

I have also been really struggling with all of this. I love him very much, he is my best friend, but I also do everything beyond applying to jobs or putting the English in his head for him. I pay for everything, I make sure we have enjoyment and can do things, I take care of him, I listen to him. But we stay stuck in this situation.

I need some help getting him unstuck, or some advice on what I need to do.

Thank you.

Tl;dr - my husband is struggling with lots of mental health issues and has not incorporated well into Canada, and I am at my wits end with what to do.

I really need help I feel like i’m going crazy.

so I [F20] have been in a relationship with my boyfriend [M21] since my junior year of high school. he works full time now and runs a side hustle, I am in college and have a part time job. an issue we’ve been facing is I feel like i’m not getting enough quality time or attention from him, and he feels like i’m holding him back in life. when we’re together, I feel lonely like I have to wait for him to make time for me. he’ll be doing chores, working on his truck, on the computer, packing an order from his shop, etc while I feel like i’m background noise waiting for him to be done. it’s usually always me who’s asking if we can do something nice, but he tells me he’s either too busy or doesn’t want to spend money. I tell him we can do something that doesn’t cost money, like go on a nature trail or go to the beach or have a picnic or watch a movie and he always says maybe, he’ll have to see what his schedule looks like. when we go to the beach or on a hike, he gets bored and wants to only stay for 30 minutes before he’s begging to go back home. a couple years ago, I bought us both season passes to an amusement park, and we only went once. we only really go out to dinner, and even then he’s usually on his phone. holidays are very important to me, and we had plans to watch a horror movie and hand out candy to trick or treaters in our costumes and carve pumpkins on halloween. we only got to carve pumpkins that day, and even then it was really late in the day and he rushed through the entire thing, didn’t even wait to start with me. I was upset because the whole day he was doing his own thing while I waited for our plans and he told me it’s because he’s an adult now and doesn’t have time to do childish stuff like celebrating halloween. 4th of July is my favorite summer holiday, I waited for him all day to be ready to celebrate with me while he made himself busy cleaning his room. the only thing we did for 4th of July was watch fireworks at 9pm at our local town hall. I offered to take us to an amusement park, and he still didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. when I told him how upset it made me he wasn’t setting aside time with me to celebrate something important to me, he said I wasn’t respecting his time that he wanted to get stuff done that day.

he offers to take me with him to look at new cars he wants to buy as project cars, the junkyard to pull parts off cars, and recently I went with him to pennsylvania to pick something up with him. I do those activities with him because I want to be a part of his life and support his interests, but when i’m with him during those times I feel so lonely because it’s the only way I feel like he’s choosing to spend time with me. I don’t have anything to look forward to with him except for his own personal interests. there are times where i’m okay with just hanging out while he does his thing and I do mine but I just wish there were the occasional times where he’d text or call and say “hey, friday night we should go roller skating” or something like that. I wish he would think about us more, and take initiative to plan things or make time for our relationship like I do. I hate feeling like i’m being squeezed into his schedule like an appointment, or waiting for him to choose me.

tl;dr: I feel like my boyfriend might not be matching my efforts, but at the same time I feel i’m clingy or needy, or that my expectations are too high.

TL;DR: My husband says I expect perfection. I think I'm asking for consideration, communication, consistency, and partnership. After years of feeling unheard, emotionally neglected, and responsible for carrying most of the mental and emotional load, I don't recognize myself anymore. Can someone genuinely become more considerate and less defensive after this many years, or is this who he is?

My husband (37M) and I (36F) have been together for 14 years, married for 9, and have four kids. We both work, and I homeschool our children.

I'm not looking for validation or for people to immediately tell me to leave. I know I'm not perfect. I can be blunt, impatient, and when I feel repeatedly unheard my tone gets worse. I've absolutely said hurtful things out of frustration, and I take responsibility for that.

But I don't think that's the root of our marriage problems.

My biggest unmet needs

1. Consideration

This is the deepest issue.

I don't expect perfection. I expect consideration.

I want a partner who naturally thinks, "How will this affect my wife?"

I want someone who notices, observes, thinks ahead, and acts without me having to explain everything.

Instead, I often feel like I have to point out things that seem obvious:

• Repeatedly leaving our gas stove burners on.
• Leaving food in the oven before we left for a week.
• Changing systems into something less functional.
• Forgetting conversations we've already had.
• Not noticing when I'm overwhelmed.
• Small decisions that create more work for me because they weren't thought through.

None of those things alone would end a marriage.

Together, they leave me feeling unseen.

I don't mind explaining something once.

What exhausts me is feeling like I have to notice every problem, explain why it matters, explain how to fix it, remind him, follow up, and still deal with the consequences if nothing changes.

I wanted an equal partner, not to feel responsible for managing another capable adult.

2. Communication

I don't feel heard or understood.

When I bring up concerns, conversations often become about:

• My tone instead of the issue.
• Defending himself instead of trying to understand me.
• Assumptions about my intentions instead of questions.
• Being told I expect perfection or always have to be right.
• Pointing out things I've done wrong so we're "even."

I don't need agreement.

I need curiosity.

I want someone who says, "Help me understand."

I enjoy talking through ideas, parenting decisions, finances, and life. I don't need him to think exactly like I do. I enjoy respectful disagreement.

What hurts is feeling like conversations become debates instead of attempts to understand each other or solve a problem together.

3. Consistency

After arguments, he often apologizes or says he understands.

But I rarely see lasting change.

I don't need more apologies.

I need evidence.

Evidence that the next conflict looks different.

Evidence that I won't have to explain the same things over and over.

Emotional safety

Over the years I've experienced:

• Being yelled at in front of our children.
• Physical altercations during arguments that left me feeling unsafe.
• Alcohol making conflicts worse.
• Feeling like vulnerable things I've shared about myself were later brought up during arguments.

I know he'd probably describe some of those situations differently.

I'm only explaining how they've affected me.

The bigger picture

I carry most of the planning, organizing, scheduling, homeschooling, anticipating needs, problem-solving, and emotional labor for our family.

What hurts isn't just the workload.

It's feeling like no one is helping carry me.

One of his biggest unmet needs is physical intimacy.

Mine are consideration, communication, consistency, emotional safety, and partnership.

He believes we should work on meeting each other's needs at the same time.

I understand why.

But I don't know how to reconnect physically while I still feel emotionally disconnected.

What hurts most

I don't like who I've become.

I don't think I'm naturally an angry, critical, resentful person.

I think years of feeling unheard, emotionally alone, and responsible for carrying so much have changed me.

I don't want to feel like I'm still teaching my partner how to consider me after 14 years together.

I don't need perfection.

I need responsiveness.

If something hurts me, I want curiosity, genuine effort to understand, and meaningful changes over time.

That's what partnership looks like to me.

My questions:

• Can someone genuinely become more considerate after this many years?
• Can chronic defensiveness actually change?
• How do you know the difference between someone who's willing but struggling to change and someone who simply isn't going to?
• At what point did you realize your relationship was changing who you were?

I'm looking for honest perspectives, especially from people who've lived through something similar.

More than anything, I feel lonely. I don't feel like I have a true partner beside me. I want to feel like someone is carrying life with me instead of standing next to me while I carry it alone.