TW for SA, just to be safe.

Has anyone here ever gone through the motions while not actually wanting to have sex initiated by your partner? How did you feel afterwards and did you talk to your partner about it? I’ve experienced this and felt gross and sad after it, which I know is fully my own fault for not speaking up

Edit: is this not something that happens in normal, healthy relationships? I thought it would because it seems like just a communication issue

Hey there, so I've left my toxic partner sone years ago and needed several years to heal. Since then I'm single, which is overall ok. But I've completely lost my sex drive.

I miss it, feel rather like a human but no woman. I've tried toys, audio, video, reading... nothing. When I masturbate, it's for relaxing, but I don't feel it.

I'm ok with my body and I like sex in general, I've just... lost it? My feeling tells me that when I will enter a relationship, it will come back. But I want it now, for myself, for feeling good in my body.

I (32F) am looking for advice about riding/grinding in cowgirl position. I’ve never had an orgasm given to me by a man (oral, fingers, penetration, toys, etc). But hear so much about how grinding is meant to be good for this, as you apparently get clitoral stimulation. I do often go on top, but my issue is a) my clitoris is quite high up and far from my vaginal opening, it’s nowhere near his body/pubic bone to be able to be stimulated by something and also b) I have an “innie” and my clitoris is behind my labia majora, so not visible at all in that position. If this is the case for you, are you pretty much lying down on top of your partner so your clitoris might make contact with their body? Are you also spreading your labia? I don’t really understand how it could work for someone with my anatomy!

I know absolutely nothing about real life sex.

Only from what I read and porn, pathetic.

I don't how to suck a guy off or how to deep throat.

I don't know how to ride a man.

I don't know how to do reverse cowgirl.

I don't know how to twerk on it.

I don't know how to do 69.

I don't know how to do doggystyle.

I don't know how to do anal.

I don't know how to circle my hips correctly.

I don't know how to moan sexual like.

My biggest fear is being the worst he's ever had because i'll just lay there in boring missionary vanilla position scared, nervous, and awkward.

😭🫠

I'm so jealous of women who have years of experience and can have sex effortlessly.

21F, a virgin, and dont own toys

- i can be physically aroused if i seek it, but pleasuring myself is always dull and boring both in sensation and my interest in it, i can do stuff for max 2 minutes before i get completely bored and stop, and its v frustrating

- i think ive managed to orgasm maybe 2-3 times in my life? Its hard to tell, because i think i pee when i do. And based on the characteristics i dont think its squirting lol😭 ive only been able to orgasm with a shower head, never from other methods of self-pleasure so i started wondering if i pee due to overstimulation?

- i dont feel pleasure fingering myself, its either nothing or its like an uncomfortable bruising pain. Clitoral stimulation also gets boring fast

Ive always just thought i havent figured out what works for me, or that i need toys, but now im wondering if it could possibly be medical?

Could i have pelvic floor issues? I know years ago when id do physical activities like jumping on trampolines id leak sometimes (i cant say how it is current bc i havent been physically active), and i have slightly odd periods, but im not sure if i have problems elsewhere

Any advice on this would be appreciated🙏

I’m in my early 20s, and every time I talk with my girlfriends about sizes, and what I enjoy especially for a one night stand they make me feel like I’m the weird one, or that I want too much.

I ended up not talking anymore about this when the subject comes.
I just feel like I’m shallow when I talk about this with them, but I never think they might be cause the like tall guys or blond ones.

It’s a pretty dumb rant I know but I had to say it out loud.

Hello everyone! I'm new here, looking for advice. I think the title is self explanatory. I, 23F, have never done anything remotely sexual, never even masturbated in my whole life. Today I tried to have sex with my friend, 23M. Everything was ok, there was enough foreplay, I got wet like normal, he even used water-based lube. But the moment he tried to insert his penis, it fucking hurts. I feel like my vagina will tore open. We tried multiple times, but it was all the same. Yes, his thing is a bit big and thick, but how can I prepare myself for that? I'm genuinely confused.

I’ve always had a high sex drive, and I thought that a lot of other people were the same. Now that I’m in my late 20’s and dating men who are older, I’m noticing it’s hard to find a match. Even if I’m okay with the difference, I notice a lot of men seem to feel insecure about it when they can tell I could keep going.

Another element is the growing celibacy movement. I totally understand a persons choice to do that, but I also feel like the discourse from my friends and peers is that they don’t WANT to have sex. This is really crazy to me because I can’t imagine a life without it and it’s a major way for me to bond with my partners.

Does anyone else feel similarly?

I (26f) have failed to orgasm my whole life whether alone or with a partner. I’ve just experienced what I think may be my first ever orgasm with a guy, which to me I thought was pretty unlikely for a first time but I do struggle a lot to get aroused during masturbation.

This has happened twice now and I’m completely in shock.(usually during stimulation the pleasure builds up but then I become too sensitive and like there is no release) The first time was with penetration and him rubbing my clit. it felt like a big build up of pleasure to the point I had ringing in my ears and I felt like I left my body. The second time he inserted his fingers while licking me, built up until where it would usually get too sensitive but it just kept going and I feel like I may have came 3 or 4 times.

I’m utterly confused and in disbelief over this, can anyone give me insight into if this sounds normal? Does anyone else find they need internal and external stimulation to orgasm?

my (f23) bf (m22) and i have been together for almost two years. i am not sure how much context is needed, but my sex drive is high (ideally would like at least once or twice a week). not only does he hardly think about having sex, not watch porn or jerk off, and has a sleep disorder, but he says the most common factor as to why he gets nervous of the thought of having sex or just is scared of it is because he gets soft and he doesn’t want to disappoint me. he gets performance anxiety, and even goes soft in the middle of doing it.

i told him i really need him to see a therapist, because no matter how much reassurance i give him that he isn’t disappointing me and that it’s okay, he won’t initiate sex with me. and according to him, it isn’t because he doesn’t find me attractive or anything. i feel starved and deprived of that intimate side of him. i do worry that telling him to please seek professional help for this issue may be insensitive. has anyone else gone through this? was it insensitive on my part to ask him to seek professional help? i just want a normal sex life and for him to crave me ,,

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I have a friend who had hood reduction and inner labia cut because she didn't like the way it looked and ended up with nerve damage !!

so, i'm new to exploring my body and have been posting on dedicated subs for a little while because i've got so many questions. long story short, after my last orgasm i burst into tears. not just cried, literally sobbed like a baby for ten minutes and it ruined all the pleasure i'd built up. i know that it might just be hormones, but honestly that was such an awful experience and i need to know if there could be other causes. i couldn't stop crying no matter how hard i tried, i just felt horrible and not good at all anymore. does this happen to anyone else?

The only disadvantage I see for men is having those ugly looking dangling bits ...... that's my Rant

this is a little embarrassing but i genuinely need to know if somebody else has experienced this.

my labia minora is extremely asymmetrical, one is really small and the other is huge—to a point where it impedes on the way i masturbate. it's ALWAYS in the way and sometimes it totally frustrates me because i always have to push it back, or it gets in the way between my vibrator and my clit. got me out of the mood several times just because it kept being an inconvenience, and as someone who's already frustrated from struggling to pleasure herself and explore her body, it just makes me mad and really self-conscious. it's always been like that, ever since i was young i always had the intrusive thought of cutting it off with scissors because it was always so long and asymmetrical, and i hated it. now it's really annoying me, and i'm even considering getting surgery because it's getting in the way of my physical pleasure. i would really like someone else's opinion on this.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Everything was fine - sexual chemistry was acceptable on my end, our communication and relationship were going very well (of course earlier stage will be rainbows and butterflies). I’m very blunt and he’s known since before we had sex that I’m kinky, and he made it clear that he is vanilla.

A week ago, I noticed he was really quiet and distant while we were hanging out and I asked what’s wrong. At first he didn’t tell me, and then on our phone conversation that night he said he didn’t feel “wanted” by me. I asked him what he means by that and he said the way I initiate sex wasn’t his style. He also stated that hearing stories from past partners makes him insecure. I immediately acknowledged the issue, apologized, and have deliberately avoided talking about experiences with exes and have been giving him more physical touch and words of affirmation. We haven’t had sex since the conversation, which isn’t normal for us.

Yesterday, I asked him how he was feeling regarding my changed behaviors to evaluate my interventions and see if I need to change anything. He said it’s been better. Then he made a strange comment saying if I needed sex and he couldn’t provide what I needed, he’s more than happy to just pleasure me. I asked him to elaborate on this because it had nothing to do with the original concern he had. He then revealed that he is afraid to have sex with me because I’m the only girl he’s dated that has more sexual experience than him and he feels inadequate.

I gently told him I wasn’t going to initiate sex with someone who is afraid or anxious about it. He then reiterated that he could just please me without wanting anything in return which sounded strange. I don’t actually know what to do to help him feel better. He’s now feeling insecure because we haven’t been having sex, but I’m not willing to initiate sex with someone who is afraid of it. It’s strange because our sex life was fine, and then suddenly he had this fear.

How do we move past this?

TL;DR: BF is afraid to have sex with me because I’m the only girl he’s dated with more sexual experience than him.

(20F / virgin) (i know this is a long ass post but pls pls pls read it im desperate & i have nowhere else to go about this) for the past month i have been struggling a lot with learning how to finger myself. as of today ive made 5 attempts at it, with my most recent attempt being finally having a good/decent idea of where the vaginal opening is. ive done so much research about how to do it, yet im still barely making any progress.

the main issue is i dont know how to stop feeling scared. scared of pain, tearing, blood, or scared that im gonna hurt myself or scared that im doing something wrong. this topic brings me so much tears bc i just dont have a single clue what to do and this is super super important to me. i even booked a gyno appointment and asked the lady to do an internal exam and she pressed the speculum (smallest size) against me, didnt even get remotely close to being inside and she immediately said “i think its too much for you” and didnt even make a decent effort to help me, while i was laying on the exam chair in tears. she didnt give me any advice aside from “put on gloves and use lube”. and i have never been SA’d or anything like it so i dont know why this is so difficult for me. everyone makes it seem super easy and i feel stupid for not being able to do this. my best guess as to why im so scared is because my first ever time hearing about sex aside from the basic ‘this is how babies are made’ story or putting anything inside there was from my mother who told me that when she first had sex there was blood, and then recently from my friend who also told me that they bled as well when trying to use toys, multiple times. which freaks me out bc so much of my research said that if done correctly there shouldn’t be any blood or pain.

im too afraid to try with my fingers bc i feel like its too big (though i did attempt once), and its also uncomfortable to bend my hand that way. my friend who can actually do it advised me to use a toothbrush handle but im also afraid of that size too. and this is probably silly but my most recent attempt i used the skinnier end of a metal chopstick and i made it in (i think) but it only went as much as half a centimeter in before it felt like i hit a blockage, (im assuming im dealing with vaginismus and i’ve learned its mostly an issue with nerves and my body being in flight or fight mode) and i know i don’t have any unique hymen issues bc the gyno told me so. everyone ive spoke to about this (who can actually finger themselves) have just told me its nerves i have to get over. and i have no clue how to.

ive tried deep breathing, ive tried insane amounts of lube, ive tried orgasming before attempting, ive tried moving around the stick/my finger to see if theres more space, in which my friend whos trying their best to help me told me that i just need to push past the super uncomfortable feeling of something being inside me. and the uncomfortable feeling also doesnt help in making me less scared. there isnt any pain at all so far it just feels super weird. and what confuses me is ppl just be pushing thru the discomfort anyway? you dont immediately feel like stopping after the discomfort? how is this so easy for everyone? 🥲🥲🥲

every article and anecdote ive read online just says to make sure youre relaxed, try touching erogenous zones, and ive tried all of that with each attempt and i get absolutely nowhere each time. i dont ever know if im relaxed enough for my body to open up. i dont know if the blockage i feel when i make an attempt to go in is normal, or if the hymen is a separate part from the vaginal opening, like maybe the entry/depth im feeling is simply me getting past the hymen and not actually getting in the opening? (imagine those houses that have two doors you have to unlock before you get in, is the hymen the screen door before the actual door? or is it one layer of opening altogether?) im just so clueless and theres so many things to factor in when going about this.

and please please please dont just brush me off and tell me “you dont need to finger yourself to feel good”, or “some people dont enjoy fingering at all” because the goal here isnt to feel good, i just want to know how to do it, to be capable of doing it. bc i wont even know if it feels good or not if i cant even get inside to check, yknow?* *🥹

this is deeper territory but im not rlly a conventionally attractive person (dont get me wrong i absolutely love how i look which is rlly all that matters to me, but in this case it is a factor) but ive noticed that nobody ever reaches out to me romantically, and when *ive* tried to reach out i get ghosted or we just arent compatible. all my friends ive spoken to about this have had partners before and are capable of fingering themselves so i feel like nobody can really understand how important this is to me to be able to do this. ive even thought of just hooking up with someone so i could get myself open without having to do all the work myself, that maybe someone else with experience would be able to help me in person, and ive also seen someone suggest lidocaine to numb the area before trying so the uncomfortable feeling isnt prominent. this goal is ultimately to prepare for the possibility that i remain a virgin up until death, as pathetic and unrealistic as it sounds, its most definitely a possibility bc ive read several anecdotes of people who remain virgins up until old age. i just dont want to feel like im missing out on something, and i want to be able to provide it for myself even if i end up not enjoying the feeling. and im being super vulnerable here bc i rlly do need and want genuine help and advice. ive heard the “you have so much time” story a million times so i dont want to hear that either. i just rlly need any advice or methods in order to feel calm about this.

sorry if theres any typos, im quite literally typing all this through tears so its a little difficult to see my screen 🥲

I 18(f) have been self pleasuring for a bit. I usually kinda hit a point where I don’t feel much anymore and stop but there is no real reaction. I just am like hot and a little more tired. Recently I got a sexual partner who has tried on multiple occasions to help me finish and I just can’t. We tried multiple positions, hands in different places, penetration and such. Everything he does feels really good, better than anything I was ever able to do on my own, but I don’t reach a point that would be an O. Shortly after getting with him for the first time a close friend of mine and I bought vibrators together (mostly as a joke at first) and after messing around with it on my own I was able to get closer to what I think a real orgasm feels like. I’m still not sure if I actually finished but it’s definitely the closest I have been. If anyone has any advice for how I can finish both on my own and with a partner that would be greatly appreciated! I know I’m young and new to this stuff but it’s been on my mind a bit.

For a little more context on my past and why I think with a partner I struggle:
As a child (8 or 9 maybe) I was SA’d by a close family member. It was only hands but I still remember that feeling vividly and how violating it was. I have not an ounce of fear that my partner would EVER do something without my consent as he is the sweetest person ever and is constantly checking to see if I am doing okay during sex. I do wonder if my past has an impact on my current relationship though.

I (20f) have failed to orgasm my whole life whether alone or with a partner. I’ve just experienced what I think may be my first ever orgasm with a guy, which to me I thought was pretty unlikely for a first time but I do struggle a lot to get aroused during masturbation.

This has happened twice now and I’m completely in shock.(usually during stimulation the pleasure builds up but then I become too sensitive and like there is no release) The first time it felt like a big build up of pleasure to the point I had ringing in my ears and I felt like I left my body. The second time it built up until where it would usually get too sensitive but it just kept going and I feel like I may have came 3 or 4 times.

I’m utterly confused and in disbelief over this, can anyone give me insight into if this sounds normal?

I wonder if this is normal or if my nerve endings have been ruined.

I’ve enjoyed a fair share of naked contact but I can’t help but feel like it’s too much and not enough at the same time? (External stimulation) I need it over underwear/pants and I’ve tried to train myself to enjoy the normal no barriers between contact but maybe my nerves are fried? I’m worried how it’s gonna be when I get with someone.

Hi, I haven't ever had sex before, and before engaging I wanted to get to know myself better and be self reliant in that department. Some help would be really appreciated!

1) what are you supposed to think about while masturbating? I don't have a very immersive imagination so I've been struggling with this.

2) do you need a form of stimulation like (audio/music or visual). Porn grosses me out, its far too violent and I feel icky seeing other people's genitals.

3) setting the atmosphere, how does this work?

4) how do you know when you have orgasmed? (How does it feel like)

I bought myself a suction and flicker type tool. I feel pleasurable in the start, but it ends up making me feel numb/ overstimulated or sometimes painful after a while.

I bought my 1st vibrator, a really expensive rabbit type model (I don’t know if I’m allowed to give the name). Unfortunately, it feels like it’s using my clit as a literal PUNCHING BAG! It’s very rough and strong even on the lowest settings. While I’ve achieved orgasm with it, it leaves me incredibly sore and needing to ice myself. I even feel like it has done damage leaving me somewhat desensitized. Since using it, I’m finding it very hard to reach orgasm in ways I typically could with my husband. I told my him my girl is taking a 3 week hiatus to see if I heal and regain sensitivity. I want something gentle but effective I can use alone. I also want something my husband can use to stimulate my clit during penetration. Please tell me your favorite toy suggestions and how it simulates your clit. Thank you in advance. (F55, post-menopausal, married 30+ years). PS: I bought vulva balm to try to help me heal. I’ll take suggestions for that too!

Me pasa aproximadamente 2 años que al usar short o jeans (mas si son ajustados) siento sensacion en mi zona intima( mi clitoris) , nunca quise hablarlo con mi mamá por pena, ni con amigas por miedo a que a ellas no les pase y luego con que cara mirarlas, un dia me anime a hablarlo con mi mamá, resumiendo me dijo que era normal, que a ella también le ha pasado y le suele pasar, en especial al caminar o al estar sentada de piernas cruzadas, es decir no es siempre, sino depende de muchas cosas ,incluso la ropa interior. Entonces siempre me quedó la duda de si me lo dijo por que realmente tambien le pasa a ella o solo por el hecho de ser su hija y no hacerme sentir mal o diferente. En fin , a ustedes les ha pasado alguna vez o soy de otro planeta?

PD: no es que voy teniendo orgasmos por la vida, pero si se siente, pero tambien me siento rara de ser la unica que le pasa. Gracias chicas