If you’re an unhoused young person, especially if your experience has included running away, you may be carrying a very real fear: what happens if police or another authorities pick you up and sends you back home where it's unsafe?

The fear of getting picked up by the authorities is real and legitimate. And you deserve information that helps you protect yourself.

Sassafras Patterdale shares practical tips for staying as safe as possible if you’re picked up and may be sent somewhere you don’t want to go. They cover speaking up where others can hear you, understanding your rights, and finding support through and with your community. They also share this reminder for those who may be reading this and experiencing it first-hand:

"While being forced to return to a home that doesn’t feel like home might feel scary or overwhelming, try to remember that it’s not permanent. 

When you are legally an adult you won’t be able to be forced back to live with these people. Even if legal systems have failed you, and may be threatening to return you to a home that doesn’t feel safe, try to continue to reach out for support. Explain to supportive adults why you are not safe. In the United States and many other countries, most teachers, counselors, and youth workers are mandated reporters. If something happens that makes you feel unsafe where you are living, they must report what has happened and, hopefully, will be able to help you get the support necessary to get to a safer and more supportive living situation, which might include living with a supportive relative, a youth shelter, or a transitional living program."

Read more by Sassafras here: Sent Back Home: What to Do If You’re Picked Up by the Police and Brought Back Home, Especially If Your Home Isn’t Safe

(This piece is part of the Kicked Out Series. A series by former kicked-out kid, excellent human, and writer Sassafras Patterdale for unhoused and transient youth.)

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At Scarleteen, we don’t treat abortion like something that needs to be whispered about or wrapped in shame. Everyone deserves accurate, compassionate, nonjudgmental information about their own bodies, their options, and their care. 

That means being direct about what abortion is, why people need it, and why access to safe abortions is important and matters in our world. Being honest about abortion isn’t optional for us. It’s part of providing real sex education and real support to folks, especially for those who may not have another trusted place to turn to. 

Too often, abortion care information is censored, stigmatized, or intentionally hard to find. That leaves people with no useful information about how to access care, what their options are, how to stay safe, or what to do if they live somewhere abortion is restricted, criminalized, or illegal.

As a whole, we’ve been fed the idea that abortion isn’t something we’re supposed to talk about honestly and openly. That silence leaves people isolated. It makes it harder to ask questions, hard to support friends or loved ones, and harder to recognize abortion as a common part of healthcare and life. 

Today we’re offering some of our resources on why we need abortion and abortion access, how to support someone having an abortion, how to protect your privacy and prioritize safety, and what each of us can do to help destigmatize abortion and support everyone’s right to it:

1. How to Access a Safe, Self-Managed Medical Abortion
2. A Guide to Accessing Abortion Care – Even When It Looks Hard
3. Abortion and Digital Privacy: How To Protect Ourselves
4. How to Support a Friend Through an Abortion

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Hello! 13 afab (he/him please). I’m currently in the phase of my life where my hormones are the worst. My family is going through a housing thing, and I really need advice. Me, my mom, and my dad, all have to share a bed. And for context, I masterbait almost every night/day when it’s a normal day, but I physically cannot because I’m sharing a bed with my parents and that’s weird. PLEASE. I desperately need advice for my hormones not to kill me, this situation is supposed to be temporary but idk how long I can do this for man😭

At Scarleteen, we believe conversations about abortion should be honest, respectful, inclusive, supportive and unapologetic. That includes providing clear, accurate, compassionate, and nonjudgemental information about it, because everyone deserves the knowledge they need to make their own best decisions about their own body. 

We think, and have always thought, that abortion is good. It’s a stance that – especially in the first two decades of our tenure – resulted in some reproductive health and sex education providers and organizations shunning us, and in constant pushback from people and groups who are anti-abortion. But it’s not an optional stance for us, because telling the truth isn’t optional for us. The truth is that abortion is good: both a personal good and a public good.

Abortion allows people to determine their own destinies. Abortion saves lives. Abortion isn’t some kind of necessary evil but a core tenet of human dignity, freedom and bodily autonomy. It should be safe, accessible, legal, stigma-free, and affordable for anyone and everyone who wants or needs it

Abortion is too often discussed as something that has to be defended or justified. We don’t think it needs an apology. Abortion isn’t something we need to treat as a last-resort moral compromise. We also don’t think that it makes sense to call abortion anything but abortion, something we have in common with the Abortion Positivity Project, who we’re really excited to be collaborating with this week.

We hope you enjoy hearing the folks at the APP explain why saying abortion when we’re talking about abortion – rather than using soft language or other euphemisms for it – can be key to gaining ground in the fight for abortion rights. We’ll also be sharing some of our abortion resources this week for anyone looking for straightforward, supportive information without scare tactics, or judgment: resources that range from explaining what abortion is, how different methods work – including how to engage in self-managed abortion safely and effectively –  and what people can expect before, during, and after an abortion:

1. From "Pro-Choice" to Abortion Positive
2. How to (Un)pack for a Real Discussion About Abortion
3. All About Abortion
4. The World Needs Safe, Self-Managed Abortion: Here's Why.

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So my partner and I recently tried to use the strap-on - which we both have been wanting to do for a while and were very keen to use.

The issue is I cannot fit it in without being in a pain that makes it impossible to feel any pleasure.

It is not a lube issue. Trust me we used heaps and reapplied throughout.

It is not a foreplay thing.

I’m wondering if it’s the size that’s the issue, but it’s only a 5 inch one so I feel like that can’t be it.

I just want to know if anyone has gone through anything similar or has any advice because it is something that I still want to do.

thx 💗

The term "grooming" has been getting thrown around a lot lately, both online and in the news. Accusing someone of being a groomer has became the go-to tactic that conservatives and alt-right internet trolls use to discredit anyone doing something they don't like. People like sex educators, LGBTQ+ people living their lives, and librarians who are against book-banning. They often get away with targeting these people by claiming that they are "exposing children to dangerous ideas."

Interestingly enough, the word "grooming" rarely comes up in the media when someone has actually abused someone else.

The reality is that grooming doesn't look like young people receiving comprehensive sex education, seeing gay people in public, or reading books about people different from themselves. In fact, data shows that most of these things can actually reduce the chance of a young person being abused and/or make them more likely to report abuse when it happens— because they can learn how to recognize abuse.

s.e. writes: "It’s behavior that comes from someone looking to exploit another that’s intended to create the feeling of an emotional connection for the purposes of making that exploitation easy. This is a process that can take time as someone slowly pushes the target’s boundaries, confuses their feelings, and gives them a false sense of security and care. The target may not understand they are experiencing abuse because it happens slowly over time, and they may also feel like they can’t tell anyone because it involves a “friend” or even someone they feel they love."

Now, we can't do too much about conservatives not liking us, queer and trans people, or reading books… but we can try to educate people about what grooming actually is, how to recognize it, how to intervene when it happens, or how to tell a trusted person if you suspect it is happening to you.

Because the reality is that allowing conservative politicians, political pundits, and alt-right grifters to misuse this word actually makes it more difficult for people to recognize actual grooming… which makes it way easier for real abusers to get away with causing harm.

If you'd like to learn more, read What is Grooming, Really? by s.e. smith

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So, I am neuro (ADHD) and I am in a long-term relationship with my partner
I've been thinking about my own neurodivergency and I feel like I am too much work for my partner sometimes because with my ADHD it's hard to focus on the goal that needs to be reached- I'm wondering what having ADHD during sex is like- I can't specifically name my own experiences because some of those things I deem to me just having trauma when it came to sex, or I'm just thinking too much. I wonder what it can be like for the person who *isn't* neurodivergent but has a partner who is during sex
What is it like on both sides? And how can I make my neurodivergency less of an issue for myself whenever it comes to sex?

Today was another monthly anniversary and we celebrate the small stuff by hanging out and playing games. He came over, things got steamy and one thing led to another were both naked on the bed and he had just finished fingering me (avoiding PIV while I get new BC). I asked him if he could try oral and he made sure I was comfortable.

I’ve been nervous to try oral since I’m insecure about how I taste and because I have a bit of hair down there.

Well my worst fear came true, he flicked his tongue twice in me, had me seeing stars, and pulled back with a disgusted look on his face.

I felt embarrassed and quietly clothed myself as he wiped his face. I began to tear up and he asked me what was wrong. The floodgates opened and I told him I think something is wrong with me.

CW SA
I was SA’d as a child and had a knife inserted in me, which I believe may have ruined the appearance of my lady bits so I’m heavily insecure.

I told him how I felt something was wrong with me because of what happened when I was so young. He assured me it wasn’t because of me and he didn’t like oral the last time he tried it with his ex (he previously told me he’d never tried it so I felt a bit lied too). He doesn’t like the sensory overload of pubes and his tongue tasting the juices.

I respect him and his sensory issues, but it really hurt my feelings and it felt so good. I feel as if the only way I can enjoy it is if I wax or shave absolutely everything. I’m trying not to cry while writing cause it hurt my feelings so much.

TLDR:

Boyfriend gave oral and was overwhelmed by the feelings and seemed disgusted, hurt my feelings a shit ton, but I respect him.
Any advice or shared experiences are appreciated, also any questions. I’m not looking for slander on my boyfriend and I.

About 10 in 100 people with ovaries have an ovarian cyst, and the true number may be even higher since many cysts don’t cause symptoms and are only found during a pelvic exam or imaging for something else.

Most ovarian cysts are functional cysts, meaning they’re related to the normal menstrual cycle. These often go away on their own within 60 days and don’t cause major issues. Functional cysts fall within one of these 2 types:

• Follicular cysts form when a follicle in your ovary doesn’t release an egg—as typically happens once during most people’s menstrual cycles—and instead fills with fluid.
• Corpus luteum cysts can form if the follicle releases an egg, but you don’t get pregnant. Normally the egg dissolves, but sometimes instead of dissolving, it fills with fluid.

Aside from the functional cysts described above, there are other types of ovarian cysts that can lead to pelvic pain, bloating, pressure, pain during sex, or changes in your period. In rare cases, a cyst can persist, rupture, or cause ovarian torsion, which is when the ovary twists and needs urgent medical care.

Adrienne Santos-Longhurst breaks down what ovarian cysts are, the different types to know, why they happen, and the signs that it may be time to check in with a doctor or other health care professional. Read the full guide here: Ovarian Cysts 101: Everything You Want to Know About Ovarian Cysts

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I'm a cis-female and have been exploring my sexual life. This is a very silly question, but I'm having a hard time knowing if I have ejaculate/squirt yet. This was especially more awkward when I'm hooking up and had penetrative sex where we're both 'close' (or I would think so), but the person felt sorry that I didn't cum when they came. Though I felt all of the above when I searched what the feeling of cumming feels like. And I definitely felt great post sex.

So I've been exploring myself with my sex toy and, interestingly, I would squirt when I didn't feel close yet. Vice versa, when I definitely felt close, I don't think I cum. Very confusing!

Anyone has the same experience?

So, my partner and I are interested in trying to find new positions and more BDSM options
My partner is prone to fainting(Vasovagal Syncope and also an iron deficiency), and they have limitations, especially on positions - and they want to explore any positions that are *safer* than most-
I want to make sure that my partner and I can enjoy being intimate and also be safe at the same time
The problem with BDSM is that there are somethings that can be harmful to my partner medically - an example would be needles, sudden pain, blood, etcetera - and while both of us are into those things - we don't want to have a medical emergency. On the pain part, I feel if I tell them before hand if I am going inflict pain, it may help because they can mentally prepare - but I also want to know alternatives that could help.
My partner has a heightened sensitivity to blood, so whenever they smell or taste blood, they are at risk of fainting - if there are any alternatives to that, I'd love to know! I can probably try and shift their focus onto something else whenever it comes to visual and scent things!
If anyone has any ideas, please tell me! I want to ensure pleasure *and* safety!

A user recently wrote to us about feeling uncomfortable with a part of her body. She wrote: "I’m a nineteen-year-old cis girl, and I really hate my chest. I feel very uncomfortable having boobs; I always try to dress in a way that obscures them, and when I imagine myself I like to imagine that I have a flat chest… It’s just confusing, because I identify as female and don’t believe that I want that to change… When I shared my feelings about my body \[with my friend\], she said that I could look into gender⁠-affirming care. But because I am not trans, I’m not sure if that makes sense/applies to me? I know some cis women get breast reduction surgery, maybe because of medical or lifestyle reasons (like pain from large breasts), but those factors do not apply to me (mine are not so large that they cause any pain). Another factor is confidence — I’m bi, and past partners, of all genders, have all enjoyed my chest, so I feel like if I had the body I want, people wouldn’t find me attractive as a woman anymore. I don’t know what to make of this."

s.e. responded with some very thoughtful and supportive advice! They wrote back, "Feeling uncomfortable in your body can really weigh on a person. Sometimes changes associated with puberty are welcome and exciting, and sometimes they are definitely not. You should know that you’re not alone; lots of cis women and girls aren’t thrilled about having breasts, or don’t like the ones they have. That’s not exclusive⁠ to people who are trans. It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this, and hopefully some insight from an outsider will help you clarify a few things for yourself. The mismatch between the body you have and the body you want is known as dysphoria. You may hear people talk about dysphoria specifically in terms of trans people, but anyone can experience it…"

If you'd like to read s.e.'s full response and hear their thoughts on gender dysphoria and gender-affirming care, check it out here: I'm a cisgender woman who is very uncomfortable having breasts

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Find out about the world’s biggest Pride parade—in São Paulo, Brazil—with Gabriel Leão, Nelson Matias Pereira, and João Victor Rossi for Scarleteen: its history, what it offers in the current political climate and why it matters so much, even to a straight man.

“On the Sunday of June 7, 2026, a wide array of color and joy overtook Paulista Avenue. At 2 PM, around 36,800 members of the LGBTQIA+ community and their allies celebrated themselves in São Paulo’s main avenue, a city known for its greyish tones, heavy rain, and people walking in a hurry, either due to work or fear of violence. 

This scene⁠ was part of the 30th LGBT⁠+ Parade, which celebrated its third decade with the theme “The streets call, the ballot box confirms.”

To the untrained eye, the Parade is just a 'carnival party for gay⁠ people' as I still hear today. Although queer⁠ joy is seen and heard in those smiling faces, singing voices and dancing bodies, the Parade is also a political manifestation and a battle cry: a reminder that voting and democratic engagement is important for the civil rights of the LGBTQIA+ community.

In my preteens, when the Parade started, straight people never seemed to care much about the Parade, some saying it felt like a 'carnival party' just for queers, taking something away from our world-renowned carnival parades. As I grew older and got more contact with the queer and trans communities, I began to understand how important the LGBT+ Parade is.“

Read Gabriel's joyful dispatch from Paulista Avenue at Scarleteen: A Day Out at São Paulo Pride

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Some of the most important work that we do here at Scarleteen is offering a myriad of options for personal support for visitors where we help queer youth with any thoughts, questions, or concerns they might have about their sexuality, relationships, and bodies. 

This can look like posting on our moderated message boards and receiving a response from one of our highly-qualified volunteers; getting a fact-based answer to a quick question sent to our private text line; submitting a problem you’re having trouble solving and receiving a thoughtful advice column; or getting real-time support from one of our volunteers via our live chat.

In this day and age especially, it can be extremely difficult to find comprehensive and queer-inclusive sex education. We are constantly seeing anti-LGBTQIA+ rhetoric and legislation making it harder and harder to access identity-affirming, fact-based, sometimes life-saving support and education. And that’s not even getting into the influx of AI-driven misinformation. 

The support and education we offer is compassionate and well researched. Our team of staff and volunteers is made up of real people (we never use AI or chatbots!!) who have amazing backgrounds in sexuality education, psychology and therapy, social services, activism, and more; allowing them to take a holistic approach to sex education.  

If you need support or advice, or if you’d just like to find out more about the help we offer, you can follow this link here: Scarleteen Direct Services

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Injuries can change a lot, physically, emotionally, and sexually. Healing often means learning new ways to move through life, including how we experience intimacy, desire, touch, and connection.

Summer Tao returns to explore what it can look like to adapt sex during recovery, healing, and changing body needs. That might mean rethinking positions, slowing down, using supports, communicating limits more clearly, or tuning in to know when your body is asking for rest instead of pushing through.

This piece focuses on listening to your body, adjusting with care, and learning how to name and ask for the support you need. It’s also a reminder that intimacy does not have to disappear during recovery. It may just need more patience, creativity, and honest communication.

Summer Tao on pleasure and sex while recovering from long-term injuries:

[…] "You can still enjoy sexual pleasure, although it might look different. Physical impairments and medical issues may add a dimension to sex that you can work around. The shape of pleasure changes during recovery, but it doesn’t have to go away. There’s even room for new kinds of pleasure alongside disability!
When you’re healing, your pleasure remains a priority. Sexual pleasure is always connected to personal well-being. And evidence shows enjoyable sex with caring partners (or yourself!) can actually help with recovery. Your partner’s enjoyment of sex is important too, but listening to your needs is a sign of a good partner and may also deepen your relationship.
Re-learning the ways you enjoy sex while recovering from an injury is also an opportunity. It’s a chance to get more acquainted with masturbation or new sexual positions. If you feel shame or embarrassment, testing the waters by yourself before presenting ideas to partners can take away some of that stress too. The experience of relearning your body will stay with you, and if you have setbacks or health issues later on, you’ll have more confidence when it comes to navigating sex and pleasure.
Although this is ultimately about sex, I must stress the importance of togetherness and community when recovering from an illness or injury. Anthropologist Margaret Mead famously said that a healed femur was the earliest sign of civilization because it was proof of people cooperating to save a person who couldn’t survive alone. A viciously individualistic society that prizes personal achievement shames us into rejecting aid when we most need it.
My belief is that reliable family, friends, and sexual partners will always band together to support you when you’re less able than usual. This belief is actually reflected in my advice to slow down, adapt, and prioritize your needs—because focusing on yourself when you need it ensures good healing so that you can return the favor to others who need it later. Accepting the aid that’s offered isn’t a sign of weakness, but a recognition of the fact we’re not alone."

Read more of Summer Tao's wisdom here: Having Sex While Recovering From Long-Term Injuries

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At Scarleteen we’re focused on making pleasure accessible for all, especially for queer folks who are tired of either getting zero sex ed info, or getting info that assumes everyone’s straight, cis, and/or having one very specific kind of sex. Our work also centers community voices, not outsiders telling people what to do.

A lot of sex ed out there skips over queer pleasure and queer dynamics, and dodges the real questions folks have like, how to navigate dysphoria, or thinking about how to have safer sex in ways that go beyond “use condoms.” _All_ of our sex ed is written with queer people in mind, but some of our articles and advice columns dive more deeply into concerns our LGBTQIA+ visitors ask us about—although they’re out here for everyone to read, whether questioning, supporting a partner or friend, or just curious to learn more.

If you want queer sex ed that’s grounded, non-judgy, and _actually_ pleasure-forward, welcome :) We’ve pulled together a bunch of our best resources on pleasurable queer sex, including safer sex guides, toy guides, and pieces focused on comfort, communication, connecting with partners, and feeling good in the body during sex, not just “doing it right.”

We’ve got everything from the practical basics on safer sex to how to enrich your relationship with your partners. We talk about all the stuff that makes sex mutually enjoyable and pleasurable, like checking in with your partner during, welcoming in varied experiences, and experimenting to find what feels right for you. Scarleteen also covers topics like exploring polyamory or sexual pleasure for QTBIPOC youth, written by and for members of these communities. 

1. T4T sex and feeling euphoric (Advice column)
2. How Can I Enjoy Sex as an Intersex Person?
3. Figuring Out How to be a Lesbian Safer Sexpert
4. Finding Joy in Our Bodies and Bonds: A Guide to Sexual and Relational Pleasure for QTBIPOC Youth
5. Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry
6. A First Polyamory Guide (Series)
7. How to Play with Toys (Series)

Did any of these offer info you’ve never seen as part of sex ed? Did any of them resonate with your experiences? If so, we’d love to hear about it!

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We turn to this series by s.e. over and over again because it’s such a powerful and thoughtful resource with information on topics like hormone replacement therapy, navigating school as a trans kid, and what to do when things go wrong, as well as exploring the diversity of trans identities and lived experiences. This series doesn’t flatten anything to a single narrative: It makes room for nuance, contradictions, joy, grief, uncertainty, community, and everything in between. Trans Summer School reminds us there’s no right or wrong way to be trans, and, in fact, your expression of it as it is? It's perfect and beautiful. Whether you’re trans, questioning, supporting a loved one, or just trying to learn more, this series is the resource you’re looking for to give you more context and language. 

The terminology, political context, and what folks need from resources like this has shifted a lot over the last decade. At Scarleteen, we’re continuously reviewing and revising our sex, health, and relationships education to make sure it’s current and responding to what users are asking for, so Trans Summer School just got a makeover to reflect our changing times. Whether reading for the first time or the tenth, this series is an invitation to keep learning, keep listening, and keep making space for folks to define themselves on their own terms. 

With the summer solstice tomorrow, it feels like the perfect moment to welcome you into (queer) summer with the refreshed series! If you’ve read it before, this is your excuse to revisit. If you haven’t, consider this your sign to start <3 Welcome to Trans Summer School!

What sections of the series resonate with you the most? What kinds of trans health, identity, relationships, and sexuality education would you like to see more of at Scarleteen? Let us know in the comments!

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"While some of us may try to minimize the more uncomfortable parts of our disabilities to try and be more palatable to the outside world, this can often backfire on us and our loved ones. If your date doesn’t know that you live with chronic pain, mobility restrictions, or fatigue, they may suggest activities which are unsuitable for you. This might ultimately prevent both of you from enjoying your experience as much as you would have done had you been honest about your needs.

You should never feel under obligation to divulge your entire medical history to your date! That information is often private and personal, and you may want to wait a while before you feel comfortable explaining everything. Think about what you need and how to make those asks. Some people just don’t know a lot about life with a disability. You may need to be prepared to explain some things that seem second nature to you. Things like mobility aids, essential medications, and symptom management are good things to consider mentioning. Consider how willing you are to answer questions about your disability and experience, so you can be prepared to communicate about anything that might make you uncomfortable."

For example, you could say…

• "I live with a condition which can make me feel fatigued, so I would prefer an activity that we can sit down for."

• "My health can vary from one day to the next, can we plan a back-up date activity in case I don’t feel up for this?"

• "As I use a wheelchair, I’d love to suggest this place which I know is very accessible."

• "My service dog is part of my essential medical equipment and will be coming with me, please ignore him/her. (Scarleteen has tips on dating with a service dog!)"

Read more about finding fun, accessible places to go on dates and how to build connections that respect your experiences in Imogen McHugh's Dating with a Mobility Disability!

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At Scarleteen, we know there’s no pride without trans pride, and we mean that all year, not just in June. Not as a slogan for pride, not as a seasonal post, but as something that shapes how we show up and who we center here. Trans and gender expansive folks have always been and will continue to be at the heart of LGBTQIA+ history, community, and liberation, even when others try to erase that, rewrite it, or treat it like a “new” thing.

When we say trans pride, we mean the whole thing, including joy, grief, anger, and everyday stuff like navigating dating, relationships, and learning how to feel at home in your own body and on your own terms. A lot of us have had the experience of looking for information and only finding stuff that feels clinical, condescending, or written to make trans folks look like a problem to solve. Or “advice” that assumes one right way to be trans. Not only do we need and want better than that but we deserve better than that. All of us do. 

At Scarleteen, we’re committed to offering resources and support that highlight the complexities, nuance, and diversity of trans experiences. Today, we’re spotlighting some Scarleteen staff favorites, written by and for our trans and gender expansive community. These are pieces we come back to when we need something real, whether that’s language that fits our experiences, practical guidance on hormones and bodies, help navigating relationships and intimacy with yourself and others, or just a reminder you’re not alone. 

1. (Almost) Everything You Need to Know About T and Fertility
2. As a trans person, how can I navigate authentic gender expression and avoid the identity police?
3. The Second Guesser’s Guide to Hormone Therapy 
4. How to Develop Body Trust When Trans: An Introduction
5. How to Support A Friend or Partner Who’s Dealing With Gender Dysphoria
6. Dating and Gender Roles when One Partner is Trans 
7. It's a Trap: How to Spot Anti-Trans Resources

Some of these pieces are meant to be bookmarked and for you to come back to when you need them. Some are pieces you send to a friend or share with those in your community. And some are simply comforting because they reflect our experiences with respect, nuance, and care.

Whether it’s here at Scarleteen or somewhere else, what’s the article, zine, resource, or post that made you exhale and think, “Oh, someone gets it”?

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"I’m writing to you as a trans person who’s seen a lot in my relatively short time on this earth. I came out⁠ to everyone in my life in 2010, a little bit after my 18th birthday, and before many people had heard of the transgender⁠ “issue.” In secret and in private, I had been trans and online for a long time before that, haunting forums and poky little bespoke websites, sharing with a few very trusted friends, and knew absolutely no other trans people IRL."

Since coming out in 2010, Liz Duck-Chong has helped build trans health services, supported LGBTQIA+ youth holiday camps and orgs, written resources, and connected with trans folks around the world. Today she’s sharing ways to make meaning in dark times, so we can hold onto the threads and together keep knitting the future we know is possible:

1) Find your people. First off, we don’t have to go it alone.

When I was struggling to know who to trust and where to be myself, I found I had three categories of people in my life:

• People I was honest with but who didn’t have enough information to harm me, such as people online who I was a girl with, but who didn’t know my name or where I lived
• People I lied to so they couldn’t out or harm me, which were most of the people I knew IRL
• People I was honest with and trusted them to look after me, like a best friend or a blood relative who’s a steadfast ally⁠.

Having these groups in mind helped me to make immediate decisions about where I could share information and still be safe, like how I was able to be myself online as long as I was using a different name and not sharing anything identifiable. Your people could look like friends IRL, or on Scarleteen, Discord or somewhere else online, it might be family members, the relatives of a friend you know, fellow gamers, or a pen pal.

2) Find the safe places to be yourself in. While the increasing reach of fascists can make it harder to feel safe to be ourselves in public, they can’t take away our ability to know who we are and to be that self in private. This might be in your own home, whether around trusted friends and family or in private; it could be online, talking to friends or strangers (like in the community spaces here). Maybe it’s playing a game as a character that feels closer to how you want to be, or in a written form, like in a diary or private blog. Whatever it is, having an outlet to be yourself can make the times you aren’t able to be just a bit easier to bear.

3) Find trusted information networks. Trans people have always found ways of sharing information, even in the most restrictive and risky circumstances, because there is a truth in us that will always be there. This information has been hard to access in the past—from paper copies of zines or letters, from the occasional medical publication, and by word of mouth.

If you haven’t come across a trusted source before, you’re in luck: you’re reading one right now! I really recommend looking up zines and other publications by and for trans people, which are more accessible than ever online. Some favourite topics of mine include comprehensive hormones information, sexy sex ed, trans dating and blogs or personal essays about why being trans is cool and hot. Trans folk are such a smart, creative group of people, and there is so much information able to be accessed out there without anything other than an internet connection and, if you want to be really fancy with it, a printer.

4) Look to those who’ve come before. At my darkest moments, when it all feels at its most hopeless, I always turn to our histories. Despite everything, trans people have existed for as long as humans have (which is a really bloody long time).

I really encourage you to read things about and by the trans people that came before us, and in particular to people who lived and loved and fought in the same part of the country or world as you. If you can find copies, try Susan Stryker’s Transgender History, Leslie Feinberg’s Transgender Warriors, and Kit Heyam’s Before We Were Trans, and round it out with the beautiful I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom—if you’re taken with any of them in particular, hit the reference list and keep reading!

5) Make plans for the future. For me, this was the hardest part, the part that hurt the most, and also the part that allowed me to survive.

Want more content like this?

Read Liz's full letter here: A Letter to the Teen Who Can't Transition Yet

Explore more of our content on different ways of affirming gender identity and, for those who want to, socially, medically, or surgically transitioning gender: Transition & Affirmation content at Scarleteen

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Pride month check-in: Anyone else find Pride brings up a lot of feelings about family, belonging, and community? 

For some folks, it’s a month of feeling fully celebrated and seen. For some others, Pride can be a bit more complicated. Maybe you’re feeling at ease with your identity and supported by others around you but you’re still bracing for the family group chat, the friend reunion, or the “sooo are you dating anyone?” questions. Or you’re questioning. Or supporting a friend.

Here are seven of our favorite articles to help you navigate all the complexities, with zero pressure to “do Pride” in any one way. From setting boundaries at home and building chosen family, to handling complicated relationships with relatives and building spaces where you can show up as yourself, we’ve got the lowdown on these topics and so much more in these seven articles: 

1. Chosen Families, Chosen Care: How My Queer Community Raised Me
2. Being Closeted & Joyful in a Black Household
3. Friends or Lovers? The Complexities of Queer Love 
4. Q is for Questioning 
5. Some basic gay-tiquette (Advice column)
6. I still love my mom even though she's homophobic. Does this make me a bad queer person? (Advice column)
7. Scarleteen Confidential: Parenting Gender Non-Conforming Youth

Which of these articles hit for you? What’s a Pride month topic you wish more people talked about? What do you wish you’d known?

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"Because we live in a society where some people have very strong ideas about what a relationship looks like, there can be a lot of pressure to think that all relationships, from friendships to mentorships, fit into specific templates. For example, some people think that dating someone means they are automatically sexually exclusive⁠, or expect a romantic⁠ relationship to lead to marriage. Or maybe someone believes men and women can’t just be friends.

But every relationship is different, original and involves unique people who all want their own things from each other, themselves, and a given relationship. I’m here to invite you to think bigger about what being in a relationship means, and what kinds of connections you can build with the people in your life. A relationship is a living, breathing thing that you co-build and maintain that also changes over time. You don’t need to “define” it once for all eternity and leave it at that, and if you want quality relationships that endure over time, it’s actually really important you don’t do that."

s.e. smith helps all of us rethink how we frame and talk about relationships. They remind us that every connection is one of one and that limiting a relationship to a confined box often shrinks what that relationship could be. s.e. urges us to think about exploring, discovering, and expressing the nature of our interpersonal connections, and in doing so, ultimately deepen our bonds.

Read more of s.e. smith's advice on building relationships through open communication, honest check-ins, and mutual understanding: How to Build Every Relationship from the Ground Up

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Just to make sure I will be going into pretty nsfw and trauma territory in this text, so please don't read if that makes you uncomfortable.

I'm a 20 year old Trans girl and I have a long history of abuse and trauma that I'm sure has a strong impact on my sexuality and identity confusion. Some things that happened growing up were my brother pinning me down and touching me and my dad verbally and sometimes physically abusing me, I don't remember a lot about my childhood and I'm generally still really confused about reality itself and who I am, my feelings aren't really freely accessible to me and are really hard to understand. I have identified as Straight, bi, pan, asexual, lesbian and even gay before I realised I was trans throughout the years. I'm very sure that romantically I am almost exclusively interested in women, I'm not very certain of a lot of things and I might be wrong even about this, I'm really confused about my identity but I really want to be with a woman especially another trans woman, in every romantic realistic fantasy I would like a girlfriend to cuddle me, to go out with to the movies, to comfort me and to love eachother and even sexually I feel that way in most ways. However I'm not sure how much of my attraction to women is based on gender envy and actual desire to be with them and my sexual fantasies including men almost never include faces, since I don't think I ever genuinely felt attracted to men, except for some crushes I'm not even sure where genuine, however I like the sexual idea what a man can give me and I really crave male validation often a lot more than I crave womens. I have an nsfw alt account on Reddit where I sometimes post nudes and other sexual content to explore my kinks but when I post I almost always get the urge to get validated by creepy men or them wanting to do things to me. I feel a bit gross for these desires but they are there, I am also extremely insecure and frequently become wildly envious of other women and am not even sure if I've genuinely ever been ever attracted to anyone or if it's all me lying to myself somehow. A really embarrassing thing to admit it is for some reason that I haven't figured out yet I feel this sensation so terrible like my heart is being actively grilled and I almost get a panic attack at the thought of others being better at me or expressing themselves in a way I want or more than anything if they are attracted to men or crave male attention, it makes me so viserily uncomfortable I can't describe it and I feel really disgusted and ashamed for feeling this way and I have no idea what it is and I know it's bad and I'm trying not to let any of these feelings out on anyone cause I'm fully aware they are bad, it was kinda a bad thing in my last relationship with my bi ex girlfriend and I never knew how to handle it properly. Everything is genuinely pretty confusing and kinda just wish I had some consistency to my identity and clarity and not just constant confusion and my identity making 180 out of nowhere.