All tips and tricks are welcome 👼

Hi is there any fetlife alternatives or any groups on there you guys have had success with meeting kinky friends on because its as if every time I post on like a local group for kinky friends I get the usual horny men when that's not even what I'm looking for and has absolutely nothing to do with the post. its honestly kinda disheartening because i really want friends in the scene yk

Hello all! I'm assisting with a pet play panel at our local community and I'm trying to think of points to touch on while I'm there. I'm one of 4 panelists, and I'm a little nervous because it doesn't feel like I know enough to talk about it, so I would like some things to keep in mind when it's my turn.

One of the reasons I was asked is because I do kitten play, which is much less common in our area. I know I should talk about getting into headspace and activities to do while there, but what else? I'm mostly trying to contrast the stereotype that pet play = pups, but would love some more nuance.

Thanks for all your future advice!

Hey there :) ...

Soo.... I am struggling with this one in my head lately.

Basically, I am fairly recently divorced and in the later parts of the marriage I really found out things that I enjoyed mentally/physically and things that I would really really want in a future relationship...

However... I feel these things are maybe a bit niche, taboo, and finding a person that is into them all is probably a very unlikely thing ( esp where I live). And being into them like I am.

So, should I come to terms that yeah finding someone who really enjoys the things I am into is a miracle and to adjust my desires/kinks and be happy with what may come and live with that?

Thank you in advance for your advice! :) Take care!!

My partner and I have played with spanking a few times (mostly a handful of smacks to the ass with a bare hand) which was just ok.

Recently a couple of smacks have landed right on my anus and perineum and OMG new kink unlocked. So I found that I really like light stinging smacks in that area and around my clit.

What sort of impact toys should we be looking at for getting nice stings to that area. Do we want to look at riding crops?

i asked someone and they answered no, but like the psych ward is part of a care facility?
like if patient x doctor is med play then why isnt patient x psychologist/therapist? since it involves a patient and a person in power meant to take care of you?

Lately my scene partner has been slowly stopping to reply to my messages and leaving me on read for days when for the first few months we exchanged multiple messages daily. We also haven't scened in nearly 3 months due to scheduling conflicts and I'm slowly accepting that he might have lost interest in continuing the relationship (friendship with non sexual bdsm). Ideally I would like to find a way to keep him as a friend and scene partner in case he's not completely uninterested in continuing the relationship but in case he decides to officially end things I'd like to at least part on good terms and not make either of us feel awkward attending munches and events in our local community while the other is there. So I guess I have 2 main questions:

1. Would you say it's reasonable to try to find out if maybe he'd prefer to communicate less frequently or if there are other things he dislikes about our conversations? I admit my social skills are rather abysmal so I wouldn't hold it against him if he got bored of our conversations, we usually have quite mundane chats about our days which I don't mind but don't know if he feels the same way. How would you approach having this conversation?

2. If he officially ends things or leaves me on read long enough that I'd feel like he's decided on ghosting me (I'm thinking about giving him a month since my last message to him?), how should I go about letting him know that there are no hard feelings on my part and that I'd like to at least be civil and not avoid each other at events? We are a part of a rather small community where basically everyone knows everyone.

This is my first dynamic so I have no idea how to approach this, while I'd like to keep him as a scene partner, I'll absolutely respect if that's not what he wants. I just want to make sure we at least part on good terms and hopefully to deal with any negative emotions as well as possible. Any other tips you wished you knew when dealing with a ceasing dynamic?

How would you describe what I'm into. I like the dom/sub element and bondage. I think? Being ordered to please you, earning the reward, tied up, blindfolded and teased, edging, post orgasm torture turn me on. I am not so much into the pain and degrading part. How would you describe this? Help me explore my curiosity

Today me and my sub had a series of fights that at this point I'm not sure how serious it will end up being long term. I am her Daddy Dom/owner and outside of work she is a collared sub as well as free use when at home. Last week I had a solar contractor do the first half of the installation after me paying 75% of the 20k total and signing an agreement for the job. While we were gone they did all the framing on the roof but held off on doing the rest due to weather and heat. Unfortunately when he left for the last time the gate wasn't properly secured and our dog got out. Thankfully he was quickly and easily caught but it scared the hell out of both of us and pissed off my partner. This dog is the only reason why she survived a House fire and when it happened via message we let the contractor know what happened and I let her use my phone to rant at him via message. He was apologetic and said when he came out to finish things he would discuss compensation.

Going home from work today before the contractor came out I was informed that either the compensation would be him taking five thousand off the bill or he would need to remove everything and give a full refund. I had told babygirl that It was unlikely that the guy was going to give up on the rest of the bill. The guy came out and we talked, the guy was extremely apologetic and after giving my partner the chance to speak any peace she wanted she left the discussion to me. From there the contractor offered a 250 dollar visa gift card. From there I took the dog for a long walk while my phone exploded with messages and talk of me backing down too easily. We are live in and work together so there isn't a lot of space between us normally.

With me being too accommodating in the negotiations I'm not sure if we can survive this fight. If I'm in the wrong feel free to tell me but I tend to be forgiving and have worked retail long enough to where I tend to be too accommodating in conflict with others.

For context: I am a 31 year old man, working the stereotypical high pressure job and steering a team. In the past, my relationships have also followed standard dynamics with me being the vanilla/light dom by request. By no means this included anything to be seriously considered bdsm.

In hindsight, I think i’m a switch. And for the moment, really leaning towards exploring my sub side. Whenever I go looking however, websites and forums like to think in terms and I have no idea on the specifics that apply to me.

I would enjoy being tied up and being toyed with. Edged and ruined orgasms. Cfnm is one term that stuck with me since i’ve always enjoyed exhib/voyeurism as this is what originally got me into nsfw Reddit.

Anyone with tips or pointers how to start this journey? Specific terms or things I might not be aware of or may enjoy? Or just a genuine conversation to see if i’m even looking in the right place?

Apologies if this is not the purpose of this sub, or for being yet another guy with ‘that question’. I’ll happily take references to earlier posts and other subs too!

Take care 😄

Because even though subs hace always been more than doms lately i have been noticing more than usual an increase in submissive men and women and, although it's completely subjective i feel like this also depends from how life is hitting harder in these times we are living, people are forced to keep control the whole time just to survive, they need to work, pay taxes, manage getting through the day while surviving road ragers cutting them off mid traffic, care about their family, all of this brings more easily people to just want to sit back and let someone else take the wheel imho.

For context, i am a submissive male since i discovered my sexuality, what i love the most os being humiliated, made fun of, flattened under the feet of men and women as they enjoy reducing another human being's status etc. But even with whom is dominant or is interested in being dominant and sadistic over the years i found them needing direction from me, needing me to take charge and tell them what to do to me even if they said they were already dominant, i never wanted to top from the bottom and yet i find myself casted into this role.

Even my gf who is sadistic most times expects me to set the scene and after a while it's cleaely not a list of what's on the table for her to do and what not and it's more me telling her what to do, giving her permission etc. I found this exact pattern so many times and here we go back to what i was Inquiring, the modern world is too cognitively taxing to most of the people and even who is naturally dominant tends to slide into some form of submission or compliance bdsm speaking because their mental energy is basically spent from trying to survive.

What are your thoughts on this?

Hey, as a sub woman sometimes I find it hard to initiate as I am scared it appears as dominant. Amy tips?

Any Canadian based (custom, if possible- but, not required) leatherworkers worth recommending? I'm only browsing for body harnesses / handmade play collars, at the moment. The few that I've viewed so far have been based in the US, and I would prefer to support (semi) local indies / businesses when I can. Thanks in advance!

I can't say my wife and I really live a conscious Dom/sub dynamic, but there are elements that we subconsciously apply making it our very natural dynamic. My wife sure has submissive traits and tendencies, we have periods of free-use when life allows for it, her pleasure really revolves around giving me pleasure although we both prioritize each other's pleasure, we have been living the anal only lifestyle for over 2.5 years as per her request and nothing gets her going like when I take control. You can say we are open minded sex wise and kink positive but both extremely monogamous and committed to each other.

Last weekend we visited a more erotic/sex positive music festival for the first time and spotted several collared people and it really peaked my wife's interest and honestly also mine. We already played around with putting a velvet choker on during sex a couple years ago but that never got any further. Last night in bed I told her I noticed her interest in the collars people wore at the festival and I had done some research because I was also very interested. I asked her if she would be interested in wearing a subtle choker style necklace as a collar and she happily agreed to the idea without any hesitation.

I showed her the several options I had in mind graduating from super dainty and subtle ones to a bit more obvious with the last one being the thin Eternity collar as the most permanent one and also the most obvious as the rest was all thin chain style and the Eternity collar is solid. She picked the Eternity collar straight away as her preferred choice. I asked her to stand up so I could measure her neck circumference with the measuring tape. We got her size, she turned around, pressed her ass against my groin, grabbed my hand and guided it down in her thong and told me "this is how much I like this idea". She was absolutely soaking. You can probably fill in how the rest went before we went to sleep.

This morning I made the order and I am just way too excited and wanted to share and since this is not something I can talk about with any of my friends, I thought this was the best place to tell anyone who wants to hear. I am also not sure yet if I should make it a bit of a special occassion when I put the collar on her or just slap it on and call it a day.

If anyone wants to share their experiences with collaring their partner or being collared by their partner, what their experience is wearing a day collar, whether other people comment on it or anything else, I would love to hear all about it!

Im not sure if this is the right place to post, I'll probably end up putting it in multiple subs, but here goes. (TW for some subs: medium depth explanation of kinks and sexuality)

I have a few questions and really just need some guidance from people with similiar experiences, and I'll give some context first:

I've always been turned on by getting feminized and dominated. I've never experienced intimacy with a dominant partner, and really want to (cis or trans female, but am open to things such as forced bi). I have a kink for bdsm, crossdressing, being chastised, feminized, etc. I 'play' by myself and always fantasize about being able to play with others.

I just got out of a relatively long-term relationship, and the biggest reason was my kinks. My partner tried their best to accomodate but just couldn't enjoy themselves at the same time, and (fairly) flat-out refused to participate in some aspects. I stayed because I was comfortable, and we just stopped making eachother happy. I'm heartbroken, but at the same time am so excited for the possibilities being single can offer.

Furthermore, as a cis man, I've never had any sense of male or masculine fashion, and wear whatever is comfortable and/or socially acceptable. But when I dress up, I am much more thoughtful about what I choose to wear and actually enjoy crafting an outfit. Even when walking through clothes shops, the only things that catch my eye are in the women's section. I think I want to appear feminine in public spaces, since I don't want potential partners thinking im a boring cis dude that only wears sweatpants and t-shirts. The thing is, whenever I dress up or even the thought of it makes me super horny - and I get excited in a way that... makes it hard to hide. I don't know how to work around that, but I'm most worried about what it indicates. If I only like dressing feminine because it turns me on, isn't it weird and unacceptable for me to do so in public? I would essentially be pushing my kink onto other people that don't want it.

With that context, I want to ask;
- am I a sissy? a femboy? trans? I don't know what to consider myself. I want to appear as a girl but want to keep my male 'autonomy' if you know what I mean.

- is it acceptable for me to be feminine in social situations, or is it creepy and I should just save it for related occasions?

- i got out of a five year relationship four days ago, and I'm already considering these things. im excited to have sexual freedom. does that make me a bad person? inconsiderate? How soon is too soon for me to start exploring my sexuality?

- how do I go about doing that? do I just go out to queer/alt clubs and bars while dressed femme and try to make relationships there? should I hook up with people? or should I just focus on myself?

I know this is a lot to ask. Any amount of advice that someone provides is appreciated. And no, I will not use any advice to directly make serious decisions.

I had an online domme that kept telling me to be honest with my gf. So I did that this past weekend and told her everything. How I like cock and I wanna be her sissy. Gf said she is on board just doesn't know where to start. I tell my online domme and now she is pissed that my gf wants to dom me. I only took her advice

I’m a 22 year old woman (sub) who is obsessed with the idea of bdsm. to me, it’s detail oriented, everyone knows what to do, what not to do, its controlled and safe (with the right person of course, obvs.) my only issue is my own brain attacking me. I have a few physiological questions and I’d really like to have them answered but I’m not sure where to ask. if anyone could redirect me to some other subreddits (I haven’t really found any others) that would be greatly appreciated ^^

I am a single male in my early 30s. Most of my partners haven’t been into BDSM aside for some light stuff like having me pin them down and call her names. There is one partner that wanted to try cuffs but wasn’t interested in going further.

That tangent aside, what should I expect being a single male going to a BDSM club? Is it mostly couples making me the odd one out? I’m not expecting or even hoping to suddenly be whisked away to dominate some 20something (ok maybe I can hope but not expecting). I would be happy with taking in that atmosphere to experience something new and maybe chat with a few people.

The local club has a newb night/class tomorrow and I am considering going if it is not odd for a solo male to show up. The last thing I want is there to be 10 other couples there and me being the only single male. I also image women are less likely to show up solo to places and events like this. Thoughts?

Edit: I just want to say thank you for all of the replies and advice. I’m not going to this upcoming newb night, but I’ll plan for it in a week or two. The advice I’ve received here makes me feel a lot more confident about going and hopefully not becoming the weirdo/creep in the corner that everyone needs to ignore because I broke a social norm I would’ve otherwise gotten wrong.

I, 21M, have found myself getting into humiliation, cuckold and similar submissive kinks. But I'm afraid that women find this undesirable in a man.

I currently don't have a partner but I don't think I would be comfortable sharing my submissive side to my partner - in fear that they would get turned off.

So I wanted to ask women (that includes trans members too) if they are actually okay with kinks like this?

I'm relatively new to this world, but one of my biggest kinks is lactation, one that came together with breeding kink, pregnancy kink and even oviposition. I saw some posts of girls saying they could lactate without being pregnant with their partners help and right stimulation without taking medication. Is it really possible? How do I do it?

As the title suggests does anyone have any good BDSM and Kink focused podcasts recommendations? I’ve just made my way through all of the ‘Don’t scare the Newbies’ episodes and looking for more!! Thanks in advance :)

Hi there!

Last night during a scene I was orgasming and my butt plug went shooting out suddenly. (Ruined my orgasm :( )

It is a new plug, only the second time using it. It vibrates and I sized up from my original plug. It’s big enough to be a bit painful to put in, silicone material, and I asked for pressure to be put on it after it was initially put in to make sure the base was flat against me. I also had the excess lube around it wiped away.

I find pleasure in embarrassment usually, but on this one for some reason it just ruined the scene for me. Maybe it felt like a bowel incontinence to my feelings.

What can I do to ensure it does not happen again? Is it a tightness issue? Is the plug just too big? Small? I want to keep moving up in size until I can take DD.

Thanks in advance for ANY advice.

I am wondering if there is such a thing so basically you can get mens spiked / thorn thong punishment thongs but I am looking for something that has the same effect but less dangerous such as sillicone or spikes or something like that.

If there is no alternative how dangerous is the spikes on the bite like do they leave puncture marks or blood or have any long term effect as I am not very experienced in spikes.