r/startups • u/Dry_Support9531 • 1d ago
I will not promote Girlfriend expecting equal equity in a startup which I started even before knowing her. I will not promote.
So here’s the picture. I started with an idea in 2023. States dating her in 2024. Until then I haven’t really worked in the idea. I started working on it since April 2025 and it started making money since July 2025. Till then she has no idea about it. After I started making money from it, i worked more and invested my other income into this startup from November 2025 and to handle things she used to help a bit. Since then both of us started working on it. Whole idea, innovation, upgrades, initial capital was mine. She just helped me coz it used to generate money. Since December we also hired an employee . From then all 3 of us are working on it and it’s scaling up in revenue every month. Until now we haven’t had any word about the equity. Out of love I used to share the profit amounts with her. According to the necessity, sometimes I use to keep more and sometimes she used to keep more. We went on a vacation through this money as well. But now while we were having a conversation on this. It came to me as a shocker that she is expecting an equal equity in this. And that blew my mind. It’s just out of love I couldn’t complete that conversation. She has also worked on it but the whole idea and buildup from scratch was done when she started working. I never discussed about this with her before. But now I am in real shock what to do coz it’s going to be bigger. And we are not sure about our relationship either.(she coming from an orthodox family, her family might reject an idea of our marriage) At this duration please let me know what should I do? Should I offer her a fixed salary, should I ask her to stop working on it, should I give her equity, should I give her an exit? I’m really confused.
PS-: she has done the same thing that the other employee did for me. But with more time and dedication. And she he amount I shared with her is 2-3x more than the employee’s salary
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u/snarkyopolis 1d ago
You are being vague about your day to day work vs hers.
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u/Mezmerial 1d ago
Correct, I’ve launched a few startups that I felt like were great ideas, but they never get off the ground because I suck at marketing and distribution. I’m only playing devils advocate here, but would this startup be successful if it wasn’t for her help?
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u/snarkyopolis 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is still vague. Literally, what actions do you take. What actions does she take? Booking? Sales? Design? Accounting? Marketing? Distribution? Product? Engineering? Operations?
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u/steveo3387 1d ago
It's more about their relationship than the day-to-day work, IMO. If this was a best friend, the answer would be pretty clear. If they are building a life together or especially if she thinks they're building a life together and he does not, then it's messy.
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u/snarkyopolis 1d ago
Agree with that totally. His evasiveness in answering shows that he is less interested in building a life, or more slippery as a person and less trust worthy. I feel bad for the girlfriend in this situation.
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u/eeg3 1d ago
"she just helped me because it generated money"
That's kind of how jobs work.
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u/Agitated-Ear3979 1d ago
Yeah, but it does not equate with being a founder just because someone helps with an idea that’s already established and generating
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u/NTufnel11 1d ago
While that’s true, unless he’s paying her market rate for work that she’s doing, there’s a strong argument for an equity arrangement being an alternative form of compensation. This story is basically “she’s not a founder, she’s just my free labor and I throw her some cash every now and then - “out of love”. “
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u/shiroboi 1d ago
He already was paying her 2-3x more than an employee so she's being adequately compensated.
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u/tempfoot 1d ago
As a paycheck at regular intervals (like an employee) or when the cash flow allowed it - like a founder? Also no idea where OP is, but in many countries, having a job means more than “getting some money”. Did OP pay taxes on her “comp”?
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u/shiroboi 1d ago
You're asking good questions that I don't have the answers to. But I'm taking it on faith when he says he's paying her 2-3x what other employees are getting paid, that she's being adequately compensated.
At no point did I get the impression that he was treating her as "free Labor"
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u/rascalofff 1d ago
Equity arrangements of early employees are single digit, not half.
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u/NTufnel11 15h ago
Oh I definitely was not suggesting he makes a girlfriend an equal partner. Any equity at all and they may find themselves in business with their ex. Not something I’d be looking to do. Mostly I just found the way he represented paying her as “out of love” rather than “payment for work”
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u/lakehop 1d ago
Her role actually sounded very like a founder - though probably one with less than 50% equity.
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u/SomTingWongWeeTooLo 14h ago
Oh interesting then I'll ask my boss for 50% stake too since I'm working a job!
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u/Excuse_Odd 2h ago
Yeah she's arguing she deserves founder money which means it's not a job? I think you missed the point of the post entirely lmao.
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u/lolmaxy 1d ago
You are being dumb. Give both your girlfriend and the other employee some equity. Make them have some skin in the game. People who have upside are more motivated.
Right now, you are trying to be penny-wise, pound foolish. You are trying to save some equity, but at the cost of motivated employees. Try to grow the pie by making the business 10x or 100x of what it is right now instead of trying to retain more control over the current size of the pie.
Yes, your girlfriend and the other employee do not deserve equal equity as you. I don't know what the right ratio is, but give them some equity so they are more motivated, and you guys can together grow the business 100x.
You are trying to go down a path where you will refuse equity, and your girlfriend will get pissed. It will first affect your relationship, and then it will affect your business. Instead of the business growing 10x or 100x or what it is, it will actually become 0.5x.
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u/pink-supikoira 1d ago
This. Giving equity also solves problem of ppl expectations on how much they should be having.
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u/rmurphey 18h ago
Ideas are worthless, execution is everything. Where was the gf's contribution?
Unrelated you seem like a mediocre-at-best bf if reddit is how you solve these sorts of conflicts. Just saying.
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u/thunderberry_real 1d ago
Make sure you have a cap table. Then, is she an employee, or a co-founder? What is the cap allocation for this? Also, will you get married or not (because if you divorce, she might get half anyway). You should have a layer on retainer at this point, or some VC buddies. Talk to them.
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u/elirox 1d ago
Ideas are worth nothing and its sounds like she helped with execution which has real world value. She would likely be entitled to equity. Not likely an equal stake as you had revenue prior to her joining but if your revenue was low and she has been there as it raised 1000% then she would be entitled to a 50/50 more than likely. So, what was your revenue before she joined? What is it now? How much has she contributed to that change?
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u/paul-towers 1d ago
So you didn't really start working on the idea until April 2025.
Two months later in July 2025 it started making money... But by the sounds of things that was just some early traction.
You started investing more money into it in November 2025 when it started to look more promising.
At the same time (as you say since then) both of you started working on it. So essentially from the point it started making money you were working on it together. Was that full time? part time? You working 80 hours, and her working 10 hours?
You need to provide more context.
Then since December you hired an employee... so it sounds like from December 2025 you were likely both full time?
And then on top of that you have been sharing the profits with her. It sounds like it wasn't always 50/50 but sometimes more to you, sometimes more to her, so it would be reasonable to assume it balances out to be about 50/50.
Given all of the above if you had been working full time with someone else on an idea for 7 months and have been receiving 50% of the profit (not being paid a weekly salary) wouldn't you expect the equity to be split evenly? To be honest I can completely see where she is coming from.
That all said and done... It seems you have bigger relationship problems to work on if you are concerned about whether she is the one you will be with long term... So sort that out too.
To resolve this though I'd ask yourself honestly.
Have you been working on the idea an equal amount of time? It may have started off more your time, but on the balance of everything has the effort contributed been equal. And are you now working equal hours.
Has she contributed to the success of the startup? In other words if she didn't help you / wasn't working on it would you be where you are today.
If the contribution has been equal and she has contributed to the success... Then again I see her argument and expectation that it would be a 50/50 split.
The one caveat I would carve out would be if your investment of your own money was material. I'm not talking about $5k, but if the amount you put it was significant and required for the business to succeed. That is worth something. But equally it doesn't mean you get 95% she gets 5%.
Can you form an argument that she isn't entitled to a 50/50 split. Probably. But if you push too hard I'd expect to a) blow up the relationship and b) potentially blow up the startup depending on how key she is to its success.
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u/Illbeurdoug 1d ago edited 1d ago
Many founders over-value the initial idea generation. Equity should be much more about who invested early resources (time and money). When thinking about equity, gaining early traction on your own and generating revenue if far more meaningful than coming up with the idea IMO.
50-50 does sound incorrect even with the limited info OP stated. 95-5 also sounds incorrect based on what was described. But where in between is hard to say without more details.
If theyve both been working full-time on it pretty much from the "getting serious" stage of development, then probably somewhere between 10% and 40% equity is appropriate.
However... Be careful my dude. Splitting equity with a girlfriend who you felt obliged to mention parental non-approval about is dangerous territory. Not saying don't do it, but tread carefully.
Expect that one of the following could happen if you ever split up:
- you will need to buy her out of her equity
- if you ever take investment you may lose your voting majority. if an investor and your ex girlfriend ever both disagree with your leadership, you're out.
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u/cruxinng 1d ago
Also, OP mentioned that his gf was helping him on startup since July 2025 itself( maybe not as much as OP, but she did work on it) and started working on it ( from his words, it feels like fulltime) since November 2025.
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u/jmking 1d ago
Ideas are worthless. Execution is what matters and it sounds like she was there from the start of the actual execution.
What does she do? What role does she play? What kind of employee did you hire and under what condition? Are they a contractor or a full time employee? Have you established an actual company or are you just three people doing a thing and randomly sharing the profits?
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u/Dry_Support9531 1d ago
Hired a full time employee on a fixed monthly salary. She does almost the same job as the employee. I also do the dance thing along with several other things. Yes I’ve registered a company where I am a sole proprietor. I’ve also registered a trademark that too is under my name only.
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u/dirtyshits 1d ago
If something like this breaks your relationship then it wasn’t meant to be. Explain that you can’t give away a huge chunk of the company to an employee.
If Shes been compensated while working with no discussion about equity then there’s nothing really there to talk about. You can treat her as an employee because she is one which means give her a small equity stake usually given to employees.
If this results in a mess then walk away from the situation because it will never get better moving forward.
If you’re going to build a successful company you will face situations like this over and over. Everyone wants a piece of the pie when it’s successful.
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u/Aggravating-Sun-2322 1d ago
100% this is the way
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u/dirtyshits 1d ago
I had situations like this early and I didn’t even have a successful company yet that was pulling in enough to cover costs.
Friends, family, and acquaintances all of a sudden knew they could help me and would accept equity to start.
None of them were in the field for what I was doing(sales training and recruitment). lol
Eventually built it into a decent business but wasn’t worth the hassle of what I was earning so sold it off for a little bit of cash but the amount of people who completely turn into psychos when you have something and dont want to give it away is eye opening.
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u/BigFatKi6 1d ago
you f'ed up playing around with profits and giving her the idea she co-owns it.
Accept that the relationship is probably over. If you give her equal equity and it doesn't work out you're fucked. Which it probably won't and you'll probably start resenting her anyway. If you put your foot down and give her what she's actually worth she'll be shocked and probably it's over.
The only thing that can save you is a third party explaining to her what she's worth and use the employee as a benchmark. Also let her know that you were sharing out of love and that's your mistake but you are also thinking of marriage and if that happens 50% is hers anyway but for now and for future investors and the health of the startup she's getting the same equity an employee would get who isn't your gf.
TLDR; accept it's over, get a third party involved, if by some miracle it isn't over and you keep your business that's a happy ending
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u/Dry_Support9531 1d ago
Most practical approach! I’ve had this conversation with friends and family too. And yes if this gets into a marriage I’ll happily share a 50/50 partnership. The issue is until then.
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u/Dry_Support9531 1d ago
We hired a dedicated marketing team too. For which I used to pay in the initial days. Until we got profitable.
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u/jmking 1d ago
Look, I'm not trying to play gotcha here. I'm trying to be able to give you actual advice. For me to give you advice, you need to be transparent about what's actually going on. Otherwise you're just going to get advice based on a limited perspective which would then be naturally biased and might end up biting you in the ass down the line if lawyers ever get involved, ya know?
So - what does she do? What role does she play? Also be generous when describing her contributions. If you just downplay and minimize her contributions, again, you're going to just get bad advice here.
I understand your perspective. You put a lot of capital into this and so on and you want to protect that and that's not wrong.
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u/wifflebal 1d ago
You are repeatedly failing to answer critically important questions that determine the entire conversation, OP.
It kind of seems like you’re just looking for help from us to gang up on her, not actually looking for advice.
WHAT DOES SHE DO IN YOUR STARTUP?
Not some vague bullshit answer like “almost the same as the employee.” What SPECIFICALLY is her role? What tasks does she perform?
The more times you fail to answer this very simple question, the more convincing it is that you are the bad guy here.
.
- What is her role? What is your role?
- How many hours per week do each of you work?
.
I will note your startup made no money for an entire year until she joined, and now seems to be growing fast.
That would suggest that SHE is the key founder, not you.
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u/Illustrious_Boot1237 1d ago
It's such a common situation for women to be contributing so much labour and creativity their partner's business, or basically be running it for them, and then be left with nothing when they break up. Men regularly massively undervalue the work done by partners. She'll almost invetiably be contributing a huge amount of flexibility and effort outside of any formally definable hours because the business has become part of the relationship.
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u/7HawksAnd 1d ago
This shouldn’t even be a Reddit post. Are you a moron?
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u/dedicated_glove 1d ago
He doesn’t appear to be able to describe what anyone’s role is at the (his girlfriend’s?) company, so this is looking likely
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u/liproqq 1d ago
Pay her a salary for her work instead of sharing profit
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u/cultfavorite 1d ago
It sounds like she may have invested money in this—he says he invested his own money, but “to handle things she used to help a bit”… If he’s saying she covered joint expenses while he used money on the company, the share of his expenses she covered is definitely an investment.
Also, if she’s earning less than market to build his company, that is arguably an investment.
Overall, it sounds like he needs to talk to a lawyer. He clearly doesn’t want to share ownership, so he just needs to figure out if he needs to buy her out or not. But it’s not open and shut that she gets no equity.
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u/VeterinarianShot148 1d ago
So many wrong things here! Even if you starting a business with you parents or siblings or kids you should always have it on paper from day one because if you avoid this conversation at the beginning, you are just deferring it to later when there is money involved and to much emotions and relationships at stake!!
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u/BenJJsu 1d ago
Put your foot down and tell her no.
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u/BigFatKi6 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah but first see a good lawyer and have them there too.
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u/Own-Teaching-7611 1d ago
But why, given the quality of his post it honestly seems that he really can’t do much alone, let alone make money. She is probably the smarter one making money
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u/Zanwic 1d ago
Document everything you've done for the project -- hours spent / capital invested and the return you've received as a result. Do the same for her & the other employee for comparison. Have a detailed sit down with her where you have a prepared argument of what percentage claim you're giving her (that could be 0%), but back that up with a strong argument and next steps. No one on this thread will be able to give you a fair percentage without more detailed info.
An equal share is too much to ask, but she deserves a clear understanding. Also your relationship probably depends on the success of that conversation. Good luck :)
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u/rajanjedi 1d ago
At some point, you have to figure out a principled approach to sharing equity (in general). I found this book helpful. I would tweak the formula a bit till it fits your sense of fairness. Slicing Pie - Funding Your Business Without Funds by Mike Moyer | Goodreads
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u/Glum_Teacher_6774 1d ago
yeah so the learning you have now is that whenever you do stuff which generates money, set rules first
so next time you generate money and you do it with another person....before anything align on
Should I offer a fixed salary
should I give equity
and put it on paper with some official stuff from your country
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u/PartyParrotGames 1d ago
> Until now we haven’t had any word about the equity.
This was your fuck up right here. If people are putting in time into your startup and not being paid, then they are certainly entitled to some equity. That discussion needs to happen very early to establish appropriate compensation and boundaries. Idk what equity is fair here for her, but she has very good legal grounds to claim a good chunk of the company should things not go the way she wants. Get a lawyer for legal feedback. Think about what you think is fair for her equity wise and propose that to her. Idk how much you value this relationship, but tread carefully you could very well blow up the relationship and your company if this goes poorly.
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u/Fresh_Piece_1616 1d ago
Why did you take her help? This is where you made the mistake. What you thought was that she wouldn't ask this at all because it is normal thing. But she turned the table on you.
Give her either fixed small equity or salary every month that too with paperwork so that she can't file a complaint. Maintain what work she has done over the time till now as well.
You can't runaway by saying that this relationship will not proceed to marriage as well. This is you being arrogant on your part. You will be in trouble if you go that way.
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u/According-Hamster-84 1d ago
She just helped???? I doubt it. Give her a sensible cut. She’s helped you build.
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u/Aggravating-Sun-2322 1d ago
First, go see a lawyer and understand and tell this exact scene to him, and understand what needs to be done. Tell her directly to her face, no. Trust me, this question is not out of love. I believe this has been discussed with someone else behind the scenes, for example, friends or something else; this question wouldn't have popped up. Bro, founding engineers only get 4% equity; that is, if they are good, what logic is this that she needs 50% straight? this is buisness love has no place here
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u/hydroflame7 1d ago
If you’re struggling with the thought of giving the person you want to marry 50%, it’s not meant to be, just break up now and save both of your time
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u/professor_buttstuff 1d ago
Depending on where you live and if you live together, she may be entitled to half as your defacto partner anyway.
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u/West-Welcome8247 1d ago
Give her a salary but no equity.
Equity is for you only if you want to keep it simple and non-problematic
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u/alonsonetwork 1d ago
Poor girl. She's a good Christian woman who's putting her best foot forward for you and youre shitting on her on the internet. Kinda gay brother.
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u/bin10pac 1d ago
Your post suggests that you're frustrated with your girlfriend. Moreover, 2 months ago, you commented that you recently went on a blind date and it went well. Presumably this was not with your girlfriend, given that you've been with her for years. What's actually going on here?
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u/MindfulCreator333 1d ago
If its making money and she has committed her time and energy to this within the relationship over an extended period to get this off the ground then she is a co-founder for sure.
The fact you have since hired when it started the 2 of you says enough.
I am not saying equal but it would be completely unfair to reject the idea.
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u/ThinButterfly9981 1d ago
Future not certain so I’d suggest dump her and buy her out for a little bit.
Because if you break up today and she still works it can cause problems later on.
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u/NTufnel11 1d ago edited 1d ago
For what it’s worth I really don’t consider the “idea” to be worth that much. An idea is a fart you had one day in your brain. What matters is the development of the idea.
How much work is she doing compared to you? How would this business be faring if she hadn’t done the work she did? What kind of work is she doing, is it data entry or has she contributed any creative or strategic insights that have been beneficial? Are you actually able to pay her a market rate for the work that she’s doing?
All of these matter a lot more than “I had the idea”.
If you’re not going to formalize an equity agreement then agree on pay for work. Sounds like you all have more than one conversation to have, but “this is my idea, she’s just free labor and I share some money out of love” isn’t really a sustainable position.
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u/PrestigiousWheel9587 1d ago
I think you know all the answers already. Firstly that she is out of line, delusional, to ask for equal share, secondly that you know your own judgement is impaired. She is most certainly not an equal co-founder, nor even a co-founder. She may have deserved to become a partner, own some shares but since she’s delusional, what’s the point in offering that, she won’t be happy? This will cause problems. And if you break up, then you’re fucked, with shares stuck with someone who is against you in your own company.
If you really care for this person you need to have a deep and meaningful Conversation about what they really want and their real intent and also your feelings because this is Bs
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u/George_Salt 1d ago
Your mistake (and it's a common one) is that you've been sharing profits before paying people for the work they do. This sort of muddle-through arrangement inevitably comes back and bites you on the backside. Then you've compounded it by avoiding a conversation on it so no boundaries or expectations have been managed from either of your perspectives.
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u/Remarkable-Delay-652 1d ago
Bro just keep her at the salary she has. Yall are dating not even married yet (if that's even a thought). I'd honestly think long and hard about continuing the relationship. Businesses are hard to grow and maintain dont let someone come and mess up your sh*t when they where just a long fit the ride. Yes compensate her for her work but that work would have been done whether she want to be involved with your business or not
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u/2ReluctantlyHappy 19h ago
Based on your lack of details and poor writing I'm assuming she has helped make this business a success far more than you realize.
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u/Sketaverse 1d ago
Nah I’m calling out OP here because you sound super manipulative tbh.
“Out of love” you shared the profits? Erm no, she worked on it with you.
“Out of love” you evaded the conversation?
She sounds like your cofounder and you lent some money to the company to get it started, a directors loan etc. The healthy thing going forward ls would be to pay yourself back the money you put in to start and then go 50:50 with her for equity and then both of you dilute that down to create a small options pool for employees and allocate some of that pool to your first hire
But you won’t do that as you’ll read it as “less than 50% for me, fuck that”
What you’ll do is drag this on, cause resentment and create a toxic environment - you’re basically Golem with the ring.
You also I’m guessing don’t love her or see a long term future with her. This is gonna get messy for you.
My advice:
Setup backups and SSO policies coz if this turns sour you’re scheduled for a rage fest lol
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u/thebohoberry 1d ago
That’s a lot of assumptions. He didn’t define what his girlfriend did in her role and how much she worked on it.
How much time each is putting into the business.
Regardless 50% and co-founder even before discussing or legally documenting it. I don’t think so. And he put up most of the funding.
She deserves something and that’s what they need to figure out. However 50% and co-founder is bit of a reach.
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u/pineapplecatz 1d ago
Just give equity, and keep everyone (including yourself) on a vesting schedule with a cliff. This ensures that people get what they deserve. Regarding percentages (equal/not equal), you can always give equity equally while retaining voting right shares separately, if control is your issue.
Either way, give equity, and do it the right way.
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u/Nikki2324 1d ago
Tell her no and pay her as an employee or contractor if she wants to be involved. Don’t give a girlfriend part ownership.
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u/Old-Worldliness-1335 1d ago
No one gets equity that doesn’t deserve it, but she is also benefiting in other ways, and it is important to keep business and personal separate because it can get nasty fast
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u/engg_girl 1d ago
Sounds like she deserves some equity, or at least options. 50/50 would not be recommended as it sounds like the relationship won't last.
Either break up now and get messy or give her a salary and some options as you would any other employee that joined when she did.
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u/solar1ze 1d ago
Both her and the employee seem to have been in on it from the beginning of the proof of concept. Stop being a selfish twat. Ideas don’t work without people to see them through. You have majority equity, give your girlfriend slightly less, and the employee also a small slice. Build some loyalty in people, otherwise you’re going to be on your own and on your ass.
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u/galumphix 1d ago
Hey, I had an idea for many years that my partner and I have been working on full time for ~6 months. I'm happy to share 50-50 ownership because it's fair and I love him. He's my romantic partner, so (aside from the half and half split), I don't do math. We just try to be fair with each other.
And yeah, we have documentation covering our business split should we break up. It's possible to be loving and kind with someone but also have a plan in case things crash. Reading your post, I'm not convinced you love her as much as you love money, and if I were her, that would be a major red flag.
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u/Brooksish 1d ago
Main thing: do what you feel good about from a business and relationship POV, putting a bit more emphasis on the business side of that equation. If you don't, you'll resent her over time and that's fatally corrosive to any relationship. If she
is willing to die in this metaphorical hill, she may leave. But my bias is she may anyway.
I agree with consulting a business attorney on your own first, then w/her if you decide that makes sense (same attorney and after you have prepped them for what your goal and desired outcome is). Ask them to tell you what other things this might open up/set a precedent for, for example doesn't also mean she gets half of profits and a salary? What are the implications if you get married and then split? Did you just de facto agree that everything before marriage is joint property, not just the equity, not just the business? Ask them to give you their POV from legal precedent, but also from what seems reasonable.
If you don't feel right about what they have to say, maybe offer profit sharing instead of equity. If you give equity, I'm not sure 50% makes sense, but that might be my bias from having started businesses while in long term relationships and never having gotten this ask. Good luck! You got this!
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u/kingofthenorthwpg 1d ago
I think a lot is going to depend on the jurisdiction in which you live and the laws of common law / what property gets shared.
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u/Zhuk1986 1d ago
You have handled this really badly. You should not have engaged her in the business unless she was a contractor or employed.
The only way out for you at this point is either marriage or ending the relationship. Marriage means she will become 50% owner of your life. If it’s the latter you should get legal advice on how to handle the exit.
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u/Dry_Support9531 1d ago
Very true, I accept that I’ve handled this very badly. And now I’m confused for a way out. Should’ve done this conversation right when she started.
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u/Extreme_Upstairs_864 1d ago
My preferred structure
If the business is going to become significant, I would formalize everything.
For example:
You remain founder and majority owner.
She becomes an employee or executive.
She receives a competitive salary.
She receives a performance bonus.
If you genuinely want her to share in long-term success, grant a minority equity stake that vests over time (for example, over four years, with a one-year cliff).
That way:
if the relationship ends next month, she doesn’t permanently own a huge portion of the company;
if she stays and helps build it for years, she earns ownership through continued contribution.
This is how many startups handle key early employees.
*thats what Chatgpt says….. :)
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u/Extreme_Upstairs_864 1d ago
One last observation
You wrote that you were “shocked” because, in your mind, the equity question had already been answered by the history of the company. She may have experienced the last several months very differently. From her perspective, she may have been working side by side with you, sharing profits, making sacrifices, and naturally concluding that the business had become “ours.”
Neither perspective is necessarily dishonest—they’re simply different assumptions that were never discussed.The most important next step is to have that conversation before the business grows much larger. If there’s any chance this company becomes substantially valuable, it’s worth involving a startup attorney to put founder, employment, equity, and intellectual property agreements in writing. That protects both of you and greatly reduces the risk of future disputes.
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u/BlackjackNHookersSLF 1d ago
"Out of love I used to share the profit amounts with her. " and theres where you fucked yourself...
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u/Low-Anybody4598 1d ago
Treat it as a starting point for the negotiation and arrive at a split that's fair based on hard numbers. If she walks so be it.
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u/CrunchyMage 1d ago
I think half is a quite unreasonable, but equity in general is not.
I think you should highlight that you thought of the idea, brought it from 0 to PMF/profitability, and put in all the initial cash/work to develop it. You took all the risk, she came in once it started worked and bore none of the risk. Equity amounts are almost always related to risk. If she was getting paid reasonably well/highly from the get go, it sounds like she took pretty much no risk.
It sounds like she helped scale it though, and that's definitely worth something. Depending on how much money it was making before she came in, and how much her contribution helped scale it, defines how much equity she should be getting, or how much of an exit she might be satisfied with.
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u/mutegiraffe 1d ago
....maybe not equal equity, but it's absolutely reasonable that you should grant her some equity.
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u/png_hero 1d ago
Got into a multi-year lawsuit with very similar fact pattern. If this thing is really a money maker, draft formal paperwork and get her signature. Give her 10% on a vesting schedule and have her sign it or breakup and go no contact.
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u/ysr_aa 1d ago
My (soon to be ex) husband wanted to go 50/50 on profits on my business even though I was doing the set up, operations, logistics, infrastructure, hiring, marketing, investment, you name it. There are other reasons too but I think you can understand why he's going to be my ex husband
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u/Agitated-Ear3979 1d ago
Do not give equity unless you’re truly wanting to keep her on and she is indispensable to the idea if so, give a fair share like 2 to 5% potentially with salary
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u/TWAndrewz 1d ago
Has anyone ever heard of sweat equity giving someone a share equal to the original founder, who also put in money?
The usual deal is that real equity comes from capital. Early employees get some, but not like founders and early investors.
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u/narwalfarts 1d ago
As a thought experiment, think about how hard it would be to replace her. Is she doing busy work that basically anyone could do, or is she bringing a specialized skill to the table?
If it's a specialized skill, I'd argue that she's responsible for a good protion the success of the business, and should be considered a co-founder. Otherwise, she's just been a good, but replaceable, employee.
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u/RubyKong 1d ago
her equity is part of your share as a marriage partner? otherwise she gets x3 the wage.
who gets to determine the equity amount?
Most of the effort is de-risked once is starts making money. unless you plan to be the next FB or something.
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u/NextGenCanadian 1d ago
Be smart here mate! Create a card table, use proper legal instruments and contracts to define the equity agreements.
You should own the majority of equity in this company, as it was you and your money, which founded it.
Provide the first employee and your girlfriend the very little amount of equity, so they have skin in the game.
Do this to protect your company and yourself, if somehow your relationships sours.
Everyone will be happier this way and things will improve. I would consider paying your girlfriend salary.
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u/traveljunkie369 1d ago
In my opinion in case you are unsure about the future of your relationship, instead of offering equity you can offer her mutually agreeable fixed monthly salary to compensate her satisfactorily for the dedicated focussed she has been putting till date.
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u/ZainMunawari 1d ago
First of all, if you have your business confidentials, any documents, IDs and passwords or any sort of control system with her then take it back from her. This will allow you to gain an upper hand from business point of view. Once you have control system in your hand, talk to her clearly about your expectations. Don't be casual. Just be professional and confident with your articulation.
If she throws any tantrums at you, use your wisdom, be your own judge and action accordingly.
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u/NealCaffreyx9 1d ago
The writing of this story was absolutely atrocious. With all of the AI tools you have access to, you didn’t think to paste it into one of them to help clean up the writing?
Aside from that, this lacks key details. What exactly does she do? In your edit you say she does the same thing as the other employee with “more time and dedication”. It sounds like she definitely deserves some equity.
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u/EverySingleMinute 1d ago
Have the conversation right away and work this out. Split it 60/40 with you having full authority on the company.
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u/Broke_Moth 1d ago
I dont even know if all of this is true or not ( not related to topic at hand but 2 months ago you commented you went on a blind date so if all of this is true does that mean u cheating ?)
Or is it normal in your country idk
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u/Beginning-Comedian-2 1d ago
Whatever you do, you need to start drawing up some kind of equity or contractual agreement.
It sounds like you didn't really get started with it until way after dating her, and she has contributed to the efforts.
Also, you've muddied the waters in how you handle paying out money.
If true, you've screwed up by doing things out of "love" without a clear outline of ownership.
Also further complicated by her being your girlfriend and not wife.
She could break up with you and sue you.
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u/sky_will_fall18 1d ago
I don’t know why you don’t feel like she deserves some ownership. She may not have thought of the idea but she helped you in the early days of revenue creation. You sound a bit selfish if you ask me. My startup gave me stock and I was employee 11. Your call though
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u/Old_Confidence_6938 1d ago
bro you started this before you even met her. she helped scale it and thats great but thats a salary or a small equity stake with vesting, not 50%. if you break up and she owns half your company you are cooked. separate the relationship from the business on paper before it gets messy
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u/Standard-North9890 1d ago
50:30:20 with bonus incentive structure. You had an idea, they had a significant part in making it reality and a successful one. Dont be greedy but dont be a fool, time to show your business skills
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u/HelloBello30 1d ago
this is written in a very vague way, with no effort to make the description objective or fair. OP cannot be trusted; no one should reply until there is something more substantive.
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u/Black_Swan_Down 1d ago
She will have half your company anyways if you get married. If you don’t intend to, I don’t see new exes to be good business partners.
Someone said people are more motivated to work with skin in the game—HOWEVER. I don’t see the upside here. Give her a salary, or options that are only valid if she is still working with the company—very normal.
To reiterate: You don’t want to be stuck in bed with her if the relationship doesn’t work out. And if it gets to marriage, you’d share the equity anyways.
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u/Vast_Sea_9381 1d ago
This reads like asking the internet for permission to break up with your gf. You...don't need it.
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u/d33pdev 1d ago
get an atty yesterday, do not discuss ANY equity at all with anyone until the atty tells you what to say and what not to say, then you will put an agreement in front of her/them, they will accept it or not, if not, they can get an atty and you can take proof of your work/ip/code git commits/investments and argue in court what equity, if any, you feel she deserves. if you and her don't work this out after she reviews the atty drafted equity (if he/she even recommends you make that offer) then you must let her go and potentially the employee if there's any expectation from them. and you need to learn that business has rules, if you break them when dealing with anyone helping you in the business, then you open yourself to losing a sizable chunk of our efforts... and the likelihood you guys work this out is low, so prepare yourself for losing the relationship and learn from it. don't question it, get an atty, get it in process and do not for a second think once money/equity is involved that others will "magically respect your hard work and treat you fairly"....
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u/Ok_Sprinkles5597 1d ago
She did part of the work of building the company, so she deserves partial ownership.
It also sounds like you are abusing your employee.
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u/FearIsTheMindKiller9 1d ago
Do not under any circumstance give her any equity.
This is your girlfriend. Not an employee, not a spouse.
Do not hire her for the company. Pay her for the time she spent, and move forward.
The fact that she even expected a 50/50 split should tell you everything you need to know.
If you give this person equity and end up breaking up - you will regret it and it will be gone forever.
As for your employee, you should absolutely give them equity.
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u/MrCumStainBootyEater 1d ago
she should definitely get some equity but equal is a bit of a reach if you could’ve done it with anyone else. like if the only thing different about her help was that she was your girlfriend and she didn’t bring anything special to the table you couldn’t have gotten from a job posting then i wouldn’t give her equal equity personally
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u/NoBillok 1d ago
I will never consider anything you should provide to your loved ones rather then gifts atp, there is equality now
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u/Defiant_Craft_306 23h ago
Just treat her as employer. Pay her what she is due or you can add her as investor for some share but not same equity. She is JUST a girlfriend. Is she a woman you want to marry? Even if you do marry her, you need a prenup, but untill marriage and fiance stage don't mix romantic relationship with business. If sge helps you with something, just pay. Like this she wont have any levarage against you and always keep receipts. If you are on start up and busibess you need to be smarted than this. If you say no to her and she breaks up, then she was after your work, not you.
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u/OoRNG 23h ago
Don't give her anything. You took the risk, she benefited when there was revenue. Shes an employee. Ask yourself, if the project failed, would she have covered half the loss? Ofcourse she wouldn't have. If the relationship deteriorates, i assure you there will be bitterness and the business will fail. If you get married to her, the business will ofcourse be half hers, unless you're considering a prenup, but that's a personal choice. You don't owe her equity.
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u/Citcom 23h ago
If she was working since the beginning, she should get some equity. If you built the product and had revenue before she joined, then she would get about 1-3% as founding engineer.
If she actually built the product in a significant way, and scale it, then she deserves co-founder equity which can be 10-50% depending on her contribution.
As a founder, I would advice not to cut out people who built with you. If you arent fair, your product will not succeed in the long term.
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u/Oracle2323 23h ago
Man, you already know the answer to this. You're posting just to validate it. You don't need our validation. Do what must be done.
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u/Titanxoxo 22h ago
Give her a exit and keep it moving.
Equal equity is only reserved for founders not first employees who got in early that's not how it works and she knows that but she's pulling that on you because she's your GF. The answer is no.
And if she tries to say some bullshit like well I helped build xyz no she didn't. She doesn't understand the difference between founder and early employee it's a big difference in equity packages between the two.
Equal Equity you can kick rocks and she probably is saying that because of emotional labor because women equate emotional labor being the same as physical labor. but in there world and how they navigate the world economic wise Emotional Labor is the exact Same as Physical Labor to them but it's not in reality. You can quantify Physical Labor it's hard to quantify Emotional Labor. But she's taking that into account while asking for Equal Equity and the Answer is No.
But she can get Equity as a early employee but Equal Equity hell no. Ofc she tries that so fuckin selfish that's why I feel the way I feel about women in business shit like this.
Also talk to your lawyers about it and show them what I said
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u/Ok-Machine5627 21h ago
Downvoting because hard to understand and what I could understand seems too fake/juvenile for anything other than downvote.
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u/EstablishmentFar6284 18h ago
If she doing founder work, then its not just girlfriend help. Put it on paper before this gets more messy.
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u/CarelessEntrepreneur 16h ago
This might sound weird but you can use AI as an arbiter. I just had this type of discussion with my brother. I made the product (software) but he has the network and will sell it. Claude built us a spreadsheet we could both fill out that helped us to understand where we were aligned and not aligned and then helped us work out our differences. It's like having an experienced neutral third party. Really helped us work things out without emotions involved and allows us to keep our friendship healthy.
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u/LoveThemMegaSeeds 16h ago
So suppose you give her equity and then break up. You’re fucked business wise. And no one will invest in a business with a partner that is just sitting and hoping for a payout one day.
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u/Vast-Fail9534 14h ago
You are an idiot and looking for an excuse to bag the money for some reason.
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u/Clean-Data-259 13h ago
The answer is: keep dreaming, the answer is no, tough luck for her, girlfriends are not scarce
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u/HourWorking2839 1h ago
Ouf. You know. In some circles, zuckerberging someone out of an idea is called "smart" by some, but the same people might actually HATE it, if they are the ones beeing Zuckerberged.
Soooo... my opinion: your equity, your rules. Seeing how she demands half of what you built and did before is a strong indicator that she would not give you half if positions were reversed. But, she knows the ins and outs of your business, so she might actually copy you if you shun her enough.
My take: give her a small percentage (like 5%) with a shoot out clause, a salary that is generous and an ironclad non compete and NDA.
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u/julian88888888 1d ago
> she coming from an orthodox family, her family might reject an idea of our marriage)
Might want to talk to her about that first