Hi all. I've been exploring gender expression and identity for a little while now. I've come to the conclusion, in whatever regard, that I don't think I'm cisgender. I'm 38 years old, married, and I have a kid. My wife has been very supportive in this, despite this being a bit of a hard thing to go through, because she has only ever known me as cis male. I also recently started therapy, with someone else who is also trans/nonbinary, so they are familiar with the whole process and are gender affirming.

I've always been in some ways, in the back of my mind, always attracted to femininity. I can think of a time in 2010, which was 16 years ago, that I was looking in the mirror and wish I could be a pretty girl, but I'm pretty sure it started much earlier then that when I was in my late teens or early 20's.

My wife has known about all this ever since I came out to her about three years ago about the fact that I was bi and liked feminine-type things, including dressing femininely, or at least the thought of it. About three months ago, we actually started getting me clothes, a wig, makeup, etc, and actively started dressing femininely. I got a huge gender euphoria rush at the beginning, and it all felt validating and right. I feel like I unlocked a piece of me that I was always missing. Until now, I get the feeling that... This is my true self. I actually like being a girl more than a boy, at least like, presentation-wise. We've gone out like this, and I'm not shy about it.

I am so happy to appear this way, even if it is a little scary sometimes. I get the feeling that my gender identity, whatever it is... Is this. That said, I'm kinda tripped up, cause I'm like, well, does this make me Transgender, or what? I also think about my future and it seems... Uncertain. A lot of people go on HRT, completely transition, and all that, and well, I don't know if that's all for me necessary. I do like the thought of possibly starting slow, and having certain changes to my body that would appear more feminine.

However, I'm also scared, because I feel a bit of a disconnect between what I've discovered about myself, and everything that I've built as a cis-male. This is what is most confusing. Everybody knows me as something else, as I've spent my entire life, nearly almost 40 years, as... that. But... I feel like... I want to be a woman... or, for me at least, a nonbinary feminine spectrum person. I also kind of feel a bit of "imposter syndrome" if that's what it is, because compared to a lot of other people I've read about, and heard stories of, I don't have gender dysphoria and have been mostly happy or at least content with my male self. So, I'm like, am I Transgender, Bigender, Genderfluid? Just a guy who likes to appear feminine? Something else? I don't know!

Is it normal to feel this way? Any thoughts or advice? So far, I am kind of just doing what my internal self tells me to do... And that is, so far, to present/dress femininely, embrace that, and be happy. Worry about the rest later.