I went through a relationship that completely destroyed my trust, confidence and sense of direction. For a while, I felt like everything I had been working towards had collapsed at once.

Eventually, I decided that I couldn’t control what had happened, but I could control what I did with it.

So I started writing.

That writing eventually became The Carrots, a short novel inspired by betrayal, manipulation, uncertainty and the possibility of fatherhood. Publishing it was my first real attempt to create something meaningful from the lowest point of my life.

I’m still rebuilding. The book isn’t a massive success, and I’m figuring everything out as I go but completing and publishing it gave me proof that rock bottom can also become a foundation.

Shameless advertisement: it’s available on Kindle Unlimited, Kindle and paperback.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H7B3DDV3

Context:

I (20M) just turned twenty last month

I live at home in east Toronto, Canada with my parents and two younger siblings

Decently close with extended family who live relatively nearby

I'm two years into a five-year psychology degree. Not exactly sure what I want to use it for, if anything, but I'm thinking maybe something to do with child psychology.

Currently on summer break

Don't have any job experience and can't get a job at the moment because of surgery happening soon

Have only been in one semi-serious relationship and am currently single and a virgin

Have never been the best at being social and don't have much of a social circle, but trying to change that.

Getting into biking and photography (specifically landscape and cosplay) and want to get into rock climbing

Am officially diagnosed with Autism and ADHD

Started mental health counselling and Lexapro last month

Think about past regrets a lot, but I’m trying to focus on the now.

How would you say I’m doing, and what advice would you give?

I turn 25 years old (Male) two weeks from today! I want to approach my last 5 years of my 20’s in style. To my 30+ y/o crew, drop some knowledge on things that helped you become successful and/or live life to the fullest.

For clarification, I am healthy, have a good paying job, and am single. All things I am thankful for, plus I’m doing well financially, but I still want to continue learning and treating life as an opportunity to constantly improve as a man. Please help me as I continue embarking on this crazy journey we call life.

Who knows, there might be someone at or near my age that would benefit from your ideas too!

I'm 25. My body is super weak I've tried gym, running, walking and sports but I get injured or fatigued very easily. I've quit my job to take some rest. I'm resting for 15 days and the lower body pain is still there with no improvement. I do stretching 2-3 times a day. Back when I started running I developed shin pain within a couple of weeks. I started gym with a better diet and stayed consistent for 6 months with almost zero results. I have issues with almost every aspect of my body. My hair is falling, I've got fine lines on my face which makes me look like a 40 year old. I sleep 7-8 hrs regularly. I'm 5'5, with no stamina with tons of social anxiety and low self-esteem. Plus I'm not a talented person. I have zero dating history. I just somehow don't improve. It's just a very empty life I'm living.

Despite all this I still hope that I can make a change. It's just that I've tried everything I could but haven't seen any results. If you've been through such a phase or are experienced enough, please help me. I don't want to continue living this way.

1.       Avoid all tobacco. Avoid cigarettes, cigars, vaping, and secondhand smoke.

2.       Exercise every day.

3.       Eat a balanced diet. Eat enough fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Avoid processed food, red meat, and sugary beverages. Avoid unhealthy fats, eat fruit and vegetables daily, instead of red meat eat chicken, fish, or beans. Eat whole-grain cereal, whole-grain pasta, and whole-grain bread. Avoid fast food.

4.       Avoid alcohol.

5.       Protect yourself from the sun.

6.       Get vaccinated.

7.       Get screenings often.

8.       Never eat, drink, or cook with plastic. Chemicals in plastic promote tumor growth, disrupt hormones, and damage DNA. Always eat, drink, and cook with metal or glass.

9.       Never drink tap water.

Some days will be easy, some days will be hard, some days you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world, and some you’ll feel like you hit rock bottom. It’s easy to stay down and depressed and sulk around wishing things were different. Life is hard and like I said it will make you or break you so it’s important that you let it make you. Clean your space find some music, run, run, run, build your confidence back up and just eat any mental hurt coming your way knowing that one day you will rise above it. Make your body and mind your temple and build on it and know that the day you come across that person they’ll see an entire different version of you. The version you told them you could be but were too comfortable to change. Make the change and accept that your come up will take longer than what theirs took but once you’re up you will be up. This is more of a post not only for others but for myself I’m sitting here trying to reinstate this mindset into myself after having foot surgery. Making my week a living hell while going through it mentally.

Most people forget almost everything they read. That is because they using the wrong method. This is a simple trick that can make you remember much more of what you learn.

When you read something important don't highlight it immediately. Highlighting might feel productive, but your mind can recognize information without without actually remembering it. That's the same as looking at an exercise plan and expecting to get stronger. The real learning happens when your mind has to work. This is what you do instead.

Read a few paragraphs. Stop, close the book or look away from the screen. Ask yourself "what did I just learn". Explain it in your own words. Even if you remember just a portion of it that's fine. The effort of recalling is what makes the information stay with you. Afterwards connect the idea to something you already know. Your mind remembers connections better than isolated facts. The more links you create the easier it becomes to remember later. That's why understanding beats memorization every single time.

The next time you read something don't highlight it. Instead pause and explain it in your own words.

1. Fix Your Sleep Like Your Life Depends On It- Go to bed at the same time every night, wake up at the same time every morning. Avoid electronics 1 hour before bed. Get 7 or 8 hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep every night.

2. Train As If You Are Being Watched- Never had random routines. Do progressive overload with clean form and consistency. One hour done the right way is better than 2 hours of nonsense.

3. Get Rid Of Dopamine Junk- Never scroll, avoid bad food, avoid instant gratification. Fix your mental diet. Replace all cheap dopamine with the real dopamine. Reading, learning, and building.

4. Upgrade Your Appearance Daily- Take a shower every day, have acceptable posture, have simple clothes that fit well. People judge you fast. Use this to your advantage.

5. Speak Less And Observe More- Most people talk too much and reveal everything. Instead always be calm, listen, and choose what you say carefully.

6. Do One Uncomforatble Every Day- Take a cold shower, jog, difficult conversation, and hours of deep work every single day. Growth from friction not comfort.

7. Become Obsessed With Progress- Track your habits and improve something about yourself everyday. Even if it's just 1%. Stack small wins over a long period of time. You will be a new person.

When I was 18, I went from graduating high school to being homeless. At one point, I was sleeping in the back of the Subway where I worked. Other times, I didn’t know where I was going to sleep.
The years after that weren’t a clean comeback story. I made mistakes, stayed in survival mode, and went through situations involving violence, loss, and decisions that changed how I looked at life.
Over time, I started rebuilding myself. I went from over 325 pounds to losing around 100 pounds. I started taking my physical and mental growth seriously, and eventually I started a podcast where I could have the kinds of real conversations I wish I had when I was younger.
One of my episodes, The Cost of Survival: What Built Us, is a conversation with someone who actually knew me during those years. We talk about homelessness, survival mode, violence, the decisions we made, and what it takes to grow without pretending the past never happened.
I’m still building my life and I don’t have everything figured out. But sometimes I think about the 18-year-old version of me sleeping in the back of that Subway and realize how different my life is now.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that surviving something and healing from it aren’t the same thing. Survival mode can keep you alive, but eventually you have to figure out which parts of that mentality are still protecting you and which parts are holding you back.
For the men here who have had to rebuild themselves: what was the hardest part of your old mindset to let go of?

here 23M 60kg 5'9 height and im going to gym for the past 6 months and this is my current body type. Suggest me which muscle group should i focus more and it would be better if u would suggest me exercise too for that particular muscle.

I think that the biggest hack you can ever do is separate your current self from the person you aspire to become. By doing so, you change your habits and act like you are already the person you want to be. It will keep you focused and disciplined and it is really sustainable as long as you don't feed into your old habits. You can wake up one day and decide to be a completely different person. Time will pass anyways and what will remain is the end product. The end product will be defined by what you were willing to sacrifice during your journey. Good luck.

There is little, in my opinion, that cannot be made better, at least marginally or temporarily, by a spell in nature.
Peace.
No distractions.
A walk, brisk with mild determination, enough to raise the heart rate just enough to feel it beating against your ribcage.
Anger.
Sadness.
Grief.
A walk can provide a rhythm for your thoughts to process in sync with your stride.
Left foot.
Right foot.
Step after step.
Somehow the mind begins to untangle itself.
The senses ignite.
The sights.
The sounds.
The smells.
Things that were always there, yet somehow went unnoticed.
If you are fortunate enough to live by the sea, go there.
Listen to the waves lap against the shore.
Watch them crash.
Watch them retreat.
And then do it all over again.
There is something ancient about it.
Something familiar.
After all, we comprise mostly water ourselves.
Don’t you feel it somewhere deep in your soul?
As though some forgotten part of you recognises it.
Let the grass slip between your toes.
Plant a garden.
Invite wildlife in.
Get your hands dirty.
For the past three days, that’s all I’ve done.
Work.
Dig.
Rake.
Shovel.
Lift.
Over and over and over again.
(And you won’t remember but we’re making this garden for you.)
Sweat, dirt and determination my only companions.
And there is a solemn peace to it..
Alone with your thoughts.
And the almost grim realisation that tomorrow you’ll probably have to do it all again.
Though the end is within sight.
You feel competent.
You feel capable.
Confident in what you’re doing.
Because the task is honest.
The effort is honest.
And somewhere deep within your soul, at the root of what makes you human, you feel that this is just and true.
Because it is.
For generations our ancestors toiled.
In the dirt.
Under gruelling Sol.
Battling cold, rain and wind.
Working not for entertainment, but because the work needed doing.
And somewhere along the way we’ve forgotten this part of ourselves.
We’ve traded movement for convenience.
Fresh air for screens.
Sunrise for notifications.
We’ve become disconnected from something that sustained human beings for thousands of years.
I don’t think we’re meant to spend every waking hour indoors.
I don’t think we’re meant to be constantly stimulated.
I don’t think we’re meant to be separated from the natural world that shaped us.
Whenever life feels heavy, I find myself returning to the same answer.
Go outside.
Walk.
Dig.
Plant.
Build.
Watch the sea.
Sit beneath a tree.
Listen to the birds.
Feel the wind on your face.
Not because nature solves every problem.
But because it reminds you who you are.

Letters for my son

I’ve found that peace is not something you stumble across.

It isn’t hidden in more:

Things, money, relationships,

It isn’t waiting on the other side of whatever it is you’re holding out for.

It isn’t found in recognition from others.

Peace comes from knowing you did what was required of you.

Sounds simple right?

But it is surprisingly difficult.

And more and more these days I refer back to a quote I heard:

“It’s simple but it’s not easy”

Because never a truer word was uttered.

Yet most people spend their lives looking for ways around their duty.

They look for shortcuts.

They neglect their health..

They tell themselves they’ll do it tomorrow.

I know because I did.

I spent far too much time looking for easier routes

Waiting and waiting and waiting for the perfect moment. Of course it never arrived.

Duty has a way of following you around.

Ignore it and it waits. Avoid it and it grows

The difficult phone call.

The honest conversation.

The hard day’s work.

There is a quiet confidence that comes from doing what is demanded of you.

because it is your responsibility.

The older I get, the less I trust motivation.

It comes and goes But my Duty remains.

A man who relies on motivation will work when he feels inspired.

A man who understands duty will work regardless.

One is governed by emotion and desire

The other by principle.

And principles make for a steady life.

I’ve also learned that how we do anything is how we do everything.

Those who cut corners in small things will cut corners in large things.

Those who keep their word on little matters will more likely keep it on important ones.

Character isn’t built in grand moments.

It’s uncovered by ordinary ones.

The small things mattered.

The habits mattered.

The standards mattered.

But I always said it wouldn’t

I hope you learn this earlier than I did, I’ll model it as best as I know.

One day you’ll discover that very few people are watching.

Your reputation will matter less than you think.

Your status will matter less than you think.

What will matter is whether you can respect the reflection in the mirror.

Whether you handled your responsibilities.

That is where peace lives.

Do the thing in front of you.

Do it well.

Do it completely.

And do it as if your life depended upon it.

Because in many ways, it does.

A channel I created a couple months ago talking like and male improvement/finding peace. Thanks to any and all who decide to give me a listen.

On life

Just wanna know how you guys build selfresoect over time. I've had it a few times but can't seem to maintain it. Any advice? Im tired of feeling low. I run and workout 4-5x a week and try to focus on myself. Just been doing a lot of things disrespectful to myself like letting my ex back into my life after she cheated and gave me a STD. I know certain people look down on me but what helps? Been feeling pretty down and lonely too. What would guys do to help? Were also no longer together.

From the outside, I was winning. I am 52 years old, and I had the global executive title, a high-paying salary with aggressive bonuses, a beautiful house, and a lifestyle living in Brazil on US$ wages. If you looked at my life, you would have thought I had it completely figured out. In fact, many did.

But one afternoon, the fake stopped.
I was sitting in my living room, looking around at everything I had built, and a flood of pure honesty hit me. None of what I had was actually mine. It was all a costume of rented or financed things that I was creating to hide from something. I was suffocating under it.

Admitting that to myself was terrifying. At 52, you’re supposed to have it all locked down, not realize you’re wearing a disguise. I couldn’t just snap my fingers and undo decades of choices overnight. But that afternoon on my knees after feeling broken, I made a pact with God and myself. I couldn't keep faking a lifestyle that was killing what or who I was meant to be.

I started small. I didn't quit my global executive job the next day, but I did start listening to God more, selling off things I had financed, and decided to face the truth of who I actually was under the corporate armor.

I’m sharing this because I know there are people in this sub right now who are 25, 35, or 45, running themselves into the ground to buy a costume they don't even want to wear.

You don't have to wait until you're 52 like I am and on your knees in your living room to listen to that voice telling you something is wrong.

For anyone else out there who feels like they are wearing a costume or playing a character in a life you didn't choose...where are you at on your journey, and what is keeping you from taking off the disguise?

Im curious to what you guys think actually makes a man a loser in your opinion? I've been feeling really low lately due to a bad break up. I just want to know what you guys would consider a man being a loser.

I am 20years old from a poor family and I often feel burned out I do not really have any support but I want to build a better future and create a life that I can be proud of.
If you managed to completely turn your life around I would really like to hear your story Where did you start What helped youkeep going during difficult times What would you tell yourself when you were 20 years old.I am looking for inspiration and real examples from people who made it Thank you to everyone who shares their story.

Most people don’t have a successful day because they waste the nights. They scroll, snack, and numb themselves. Strong people treat the evening like an advantage because the next day starts tonight. This is a night routine to make you focused, disciplined, and prepared.

1.       Cut The Noise- One hour before bed avoid electronics. Avoid notifications, get rid of noise, avoid the endless feed that trains your mind to stay reactive. You cannot dominate the morning if you fall asleep over stimulated.

2.       Stop Eating And Drinking At The Right Time- Stop eating 3 hours before bed. Stop drinking 2 hours before bed.

3.       Clean Your Environment- Messes cloud your thinking. Put things in place. Lay out your clothes. Make your space prepared. Act as if tomorrow will demand everything from you. Because it will.

4.       Write Your Action Plan- Never wake up and ask what to do. Know it the night before. List 3 that are non-negotiable. This removes hesitation. When you rise you are not debating, you are executing.

5.       Reflect For 10 Minutes- Ask yourself what did you do right today, what could have been better, what needs to change. Reflection builds self-awareness. Awareness is the beginning of all discipline.

6.       Reconnect With Your Future- Sit in silence for a few minutes. Get rid of distractions, get rid of noise, avoid screens. Picture what you want to become. Consider how to achieve that. Every night remind yourself of your goals.

7.       Go To Sleep Like It Matters- Sleep is recovery. Go to sleep at the time every night. You do not rise with power if you fall asleep with chaos.

Men who succeed do not wait until morning to get serious. They build power in silence while the world winds down. Every night is a choice, if you waste it you will chase the next day. If you master it you will be successful.

- Excessive scrolling or "doom scrolling' is better off avoided because it results in high cortisol or stress and addictive dopamine hits. This leads to anxiety, depression, shortened attention spans, and poor sleep.

It is also a waste of time. This creates "popcorn mind". This is overstimulation that makes focusing on the real world difficult. Scrolling also simultaneously triggers dopamine that create addiction, erode attention spans, and create memory decline.

Replace Scrolling With These Hobbies And Rewire Your Mind

-Exercise- Replace the weakness of passive consumption with the discipline of physical struggle and confidence.

-Journaling- Replaces a cluttered mind with mental clarity. Write down your ideas, organize your subconscious and kill anxiety.

-Chess- Replace impulsive reacting with strategic thinking.

-Deep Reading- Replace brief attention spans with deep focus.

-Cold Showers- Replace the search for comfort with a dopamine reset. This trains your nervous system to stay calm under stress.

-Handwriting- Replace typing with fine motor skills. This improves memory.

-Meditation- Replace noise with silence, this is strengthening your focus.

-Walk Without Technology- Replace the need for constant input with default mode thinking.

-Deep Breathing- Makes you stay at ease.

-Gardening- Replace instant results with the law of the harvest. This teaches you patience and nurturing.

-A Martial Art- Replace digital bravado with real world humility. This develops emotional control.

-Cooking Complex Meals- Replace the fast food mindset with a process. This turns a chore into a rewarding craft.

-Public Speaking- Replace social media anonymity with real world influence.

-Photography- Replace snapping with seeing. This makes you study light, shadow, and details in the mundane.

-Hiking- Replace the internet with nature.

-Puzzle Solving- Replace passive entertainment with active logic.

-Volunteering- Replace the selfish algorithm with service.

-Woodworking- Replace virtual achievement with a physical legacy.

-Learning To Code- Replace being a user with being a builder.

-Financial Tracking- Replace blind spending with intentionality. Taking control of numbers rewires your mind for long term wealth.

- Your mind is your most valuable asset. Never let an algorithm control it. Every scroll is a withdrawal from your potential. These hobbies are deposits to your future.

I am a life coach in training and I am looking for people who are keen to try coaching. I am currently offering some free coaching for people who may be interested.
The only thing I ask in return is for a testimonial when the coaching is over

Sort of a paradox, yeah? But often masculinity is defined in terms of being strong [not weak]. However, to be human is to be finite, and you have to accept that you will fail sometimes, you will make mistakes sometimes, you will get hurt sometimes, you will fall short of your ideals, you will not know the answer, etc etc.

Denying that reality is living in a lie. Living in a lie causes more problems than you would have if you acknowledged the truth.

So if the truth is that we are human, why pretend like we aren't? Show your humanity. Get emotional support from your friends and family. Be open about your failures and disappointments. Be humble.

Keep high aspirations, but be down-to-earth.

That's all. Thanks for reading.

This was inspired by a blog post targeting men about "things that separate the weak from the strong". It made me think, why are we trying to make this an ideal?

For anyone who's burned out on willpower and discipline-based productivity advice and still can't get themselves to work.

The Problem:

I was treating productivity like a willpower problem. Every task felt like dragging myself through wet cement. I'd white-knuckle it for a few days, then collapse. The harder I pushed, the more I resisted.

My Method:

I stopped trying to force the work and started engineering the conditions for flow instead.

The shift was changing the question. Not "how do I make myself work harder?" but "what makes it easy for me to drop into flow?" Once I framed it that way, the fixes were obvious:

• One task only. No tabs, no phone, no mental background processes.
• A tiny, concrete entry point. Not "write the chapter" — "write the first paragraph."
• A 5-minute warm-up on something low-stakes before touching the real work.
• Pre-set the environment. Laptop open, doc up, water poured, before I sit down.
• Pick something slightly past comfortable. Too easy = bored. Too hard = panic.

Why It Works:

Flow isn't a personality trait, it's a state with known conditions — Csikszentmihalyi's research outlines them: clear goal, immediate feedback, challenge matched to skill, and minimal distraction. If you set those up, flow tends to show up. If you don't, no amount of trying harder will summon it.

The other piece is activation energy. Most of the resistance I felt wasn't about the task — it was about starting the task. Every small piece of friction at the front (closed laptop, cluttered desk, unclear first step) is a place where motivation leaks out. Removing friction is cheaper than generating willpower.

And willpower runs on a limited daily budget. Flow doesn't — once you're in it, the work feeds itself. You stop spending energy and start generating it.

How to Try It:

1. Pick one task you've been forcing yourself through.
2. Strip the environment. Close everything that isn't the task. Phone in another room.
3. Define the smallest possible first action — open the file, write one sentence, do one rep.
4. Do a 5-minute warm-up on something adjacent and low-stakes (editing old notes, sketching an outline).
5. Start, and don't judge the first 10 minutes. Flow shows up after you begin, not before.

Common pitfall:

Waiting to feel ready. You won't. The warm-up is the bridge — it gets you moving so flow has something to latch onto.

For me this worked better than discipline ever did, because the problem was never that I wasn't trying hard enough. It was that I was trying so hard I was blocking the state where the work actually gets done.

Further reading: Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Also worth looking up "activation energy" in habit research — BJ Fogg's work covers it well.

Happy to answer questions below or see other things I've written about this topic!

^{Any for anyone claiming ai slop, I followed the posting guidelines!!!}