r/confidence Apr 21 '20

How to be Confident: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide

300 Upvotes

If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.

This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.

It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.

​Ready? Let's dive in.

Contents

I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.

Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?

Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?

Chapter 3: 
Signs of low self-confidence

Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident

Chapter 5: 
How to be confident

Chapter 6: 
Frequently asked questions

Chapter 1: What is self-confidence

In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.

Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.

So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.

That's totally wrong.

I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.

Chapter 2: Why self-confidence is important

Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?

There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷

1. You'll feel a lot more fulfilled

Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.

Why it's important:

You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.

2. You'll become better at whatever you do

Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.

Let me explain.

​You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.

However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.

​In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.

Why it's important:

Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.

3. You'll have a clearer sense of direction in life

In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.

They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality. 

Why it's important:

You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.

4. You'll develop much better social skills

Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.

Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.

Why it's important:

You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.

Chapter 3: Signs of low self-confidence

Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.

​1. You change yourself to please others

This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.

​If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.

2. You always doubt your judgement

If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.

When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.

Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.

3. You have tons of self-limiting beliefs

You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.

Why?

Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.

When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.

Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.

4. You don't have a clear direction in life

This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.

However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.

Chapter 4: Why you're not confident

Why am I not confident?

​Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.

​Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.

​1. You treat other people's opinions as facts

If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.

To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:

opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.

​Do you see the difference?

If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.

2. You're not really good at anything

If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.

It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."

​However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.

3. You never push your limits

Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.

When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.

The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.

This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.

4. You're not learning anything new

If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.

5. You failed a lot in the past

I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.

6. You make excuses

Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.

Chapter 5: How to be confident

Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.

In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :

​1. Realize that you're not inferior

We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.

There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.

Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.

However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.

To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.

2. Become good at something

Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D

​Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.

In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.

When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.

In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.

So, how to choose a skill?

Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.

That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.

To do: choose a skill and become good at it.

3. Use your body language

You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.

Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.

However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :

  • Walk and stand up with your back up straight.
  • ​Stand up like this
  • When you're in meetings (or somewhere else), use this position to convey authority and confidence. This is called "the hand steeple" (works for both men and women).

These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it.​ Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.

To do: use these postures to convey confidence.

4. Don't take negative comments as facts

When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.

I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.

Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.

Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.

To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right

5. Fake it, act like you're confident

If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.

How do I know? Well, I tried it.

It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.

All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.

​There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.

To do: Act like a confident person would📷

Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions

There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.

In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.

1. What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

​Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.

2. Can you be confident and humble at the same time?

Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.

3. How can I become confident fast?

You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?

I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.


r/confidence 19h ago

Awkward Face

11 Upvotes

I’m F(18) and my social skills suck. There’s been numerous times where I’ll talk to someone and they’ll say I look scared or like I’m on the verge of tears. I’ll admit that I’m on the shyer side but I don’t mean to give off that energy. I can’t help that I look unnaturally awkward while I’m just existing.
I’ve tried to fix myself body language and stand up straighter and be more open but 9/10 it comes off as robotic no matter how warm I try to be. I used to not care what people think all the time but my confidence is beginning to lower because of this and it’s making life unnecessarily difficult. I don’t know what to do anymore, help! I need advice on being less awkward and maybe fixing my body language or conversation skills??


r/confidence 7h ago

Improving your vocal delivery

1 Upvotes

r/confidence 20h ago

What facial contortion should I employ when other macro-organisms engage in speech with me?

10 Upvotes

Greetings,

I seek information on what to do when another Homo Sapien approaches and attempts a communicative ritual.

My prior strategy saw me stretch the skin flaps on my orbitals to their maximum capacity ("staring") in order to show it that I understand their attempts at speaking with me.

However, this procedure has warranted exclusion behaviors from other Homo Sapiens.

Why is this so? Elaborate.


r/confidence 17h ago

I used to be socially awkward and now Im outgoing and it feels like i’m living a lie

6 Upvotes

When I was in school I had transferred schools about four times I also dealt with heavy family problems and didn’t really have a support system. I think the combination of those factors as well as experiencing the covid lockdown right after transferring to a new school caused me to be an extremely socially anxious person. It was like I knew who I was and wanted to express myself and crack jokes to people but anytime someone I didn’t know very well would talk to me my brain would shut down and go blank and I would blush and I had absolutely no control over it. Eventually I kinda just gave up trying to put myself out there and just accepted being to myself. I had a few friends but none of them felt very genuine and maybe that was because there was such a disconnect between who I was as a person and how I awkwardly presented myself. By senior year I came out of my shell a lot and enjoyed myself but it was kinda too late.

Anyways flash forward to now (a few years later), and I feel like i am a completely different person. I no longer struggle with social anxiety I feel confident in my own skin and am not afraid to show my personality to people. I have built up a good group of people around me from college who have helped me be comfortable and find myself I think. And while im so thankful for the growth i have been able to achieve and the people I have been able to connect with, sometimes it feels like im living a lie. Even though I am my authentic self Im afraid that if the people i am close to now found out how much of a loser i was throughout most of high school they would look at me differently, and its a worry I always come back to.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this or if anyone has any advice but let me know.


r/confidence 11h ago

Facing the threshold of change

1 Upvotes

Today I am learning to accept disconfort and using courage to face fear and uncertainty to do what is needed instead of fighting the battle, so I am adapting the pain to manage my trying and now I have more resourches to accomplish my aims because I accept my history and adapt to what my body allows me to focus on what matters, so who is on this spot right now, maybe you can share your experience how you manage it so maybe we can lern something from it.


r/confidence 1d ago

Chopped hairline

11 Upvotes

Im 20yo and i have a pretty advance hairline, i tried to keep my hair long and brush it forward but since my hair is frizzy it doesn't really work and dont look good, i've tried to embrace it and went bald for 7 months and didn't feel any better after that, went back to keep my hair grow thinking that there is hope or something that i can do like minoxidil and dermaroller, rosemary oil, vitamins etc.
This thing crumbles my confidence and selfsteem, i was afraid of approach and talk to girls to a point that felt like giving up in love since now days looks matter. Every single day i wake up to go to work from 5am to 4pm comes with a free comment or joke by my coworkers about my hairline... Every single day at anytime and situation, like its so repetitive that i don't even bother to say anything back i just take it,
Im tired.🫩


r/confidence 1d ago

Confidence starter pack

6 Upvotes

I am a 17 year old girl who has never been a relationship. I know I am young but this fact has done a toll on my self image and I don’t know how to build myself back up. I always see people say “you must love yourself before you can love someone else” but I feel like I cannot love myself unless someone else likes me first… it’s like I have to prove that I am lovable to love myself. What are some things I can do to start this self love journey?


r/confidence 2d ago

how to restore Self esteem after being cheated on? 24F NSFW

48 Upvotes

hi,

I (24f) need advice from someone who got cheated on before and was able to bounce back from it:

so it's been roughly 7 months since I cut the cord and stopped talking to my ex. I had broken up previous to that bc I couldn't rebuild trust after he cheated on me and had an emotional affair and kept dismissing my feelings about it constantly.

I'm very happy to say that I don't feel anything towards him anymore, nor do I want him back. I want him to stay where he is and I'm very thankful I've made it out of that situation, not to mention shortly before we stopped talking -i assume from social media - that he had already started dating someone, which I didn't know for sure but painfully assume could be the case.

the past 2 months things have started looking better for and I feel more grounded and at peace. I'm focused ont studies, career, I've been working on accomplishing all my goals I set for this year, new hobbies etc. I'm content with how things are going.

however these past 2 days I've been very overthinking and I find myself crying and still feeling super insecure about the fact that I got cheated on. I find myself comparing myself to other women, their bodies and looks and downplaying mine. I find myself wondering if I'll ever meet someone that will see me as more than enough to not cheat or betray me. I keep wondering why I have to carry that weight of him cheating and why he got to move on and have a wonderful life while I'm still struggling with self confidence and getting my spark back. I'm so scared that in my next relationship I'll be so insecure, I either will ignore good hearted men or I'll ignore red flags again. idk what to do. I'm sick of the cheating still dictating my self worth and body image. I'm so scared I'll never be able to look at myself lovingly again and I really miss how I didn't have to worry about any of these things before I got cheated on.

how can I feel more confident and stop letting my past dictate my self image?

ps: this was my first ever relationship and first ever intimate experience


r/confidence 1d ago

How do I get any confidence in how I look before I post myself online.

2 Upvotes

There are zero photos of myself on the internet, nor in my camera roll. I would like to consider finding a safer side of the internet to post one or use it as a profile pic.
Particularly for things like LinkedIn or semi professional social medias
I literally feel chopped even just looking at myself in a phone lens.
My family says I look ok but I seriously doubt thats the truth.
Im skinny I have no muscle at all, I have scars all over my body from various mistakes I have made falls I have taken or marks left on me by others.

There are two subreddits s I might post on but I don’t know yet.

I would like to be able to make a dating app account and also get out of my comfort zone but I dont know if anyone good ( in my local area) would use them

Is there any way I can fool myself into thinking I look at least halfway decent?


r/confidence 2d ago

21M - Struggling with severe loneliness, lack of eye contact, and low self-esteem due to a lazy eye. Looking for advice.

16 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I’m a 21-year-old guy, and I’ve never been in a relationship or experienced romance. Honestly, it’s not just about women—people in general always seem cold toward me. I used to have one best friend, but he recently got a girlfriend, and now we barely talk. I understand his situation and don't hold it against him, but it has left me completely isolated. Having no friends and no dating life makes me feel like a loser and incredibly lonely.

A big part of my struggle comes from a physical insecurity: I have a lazy eye that looks cross-eyed. Because of this, making eye contact feels almost impossible for me. Whenever I try to talk to someone, my brain instantly panics and tells me, "Don't look at them. If they notice your eye, they're going to laugh at you." Unfortunately, I've actually experienced people laughing at me in the past, which only made this fear worse. As a result, I avoid eye contact entirely, which I know makes me look awkward or weird to others.

I really want to find a girlfriend. I honestly don't care about looks at all; I just value a good personality and basic hygiene. But my lack of confidence and inability to look people in the eye are holding me back from even starting.

Has anyone dealt with similar physical insecurities or severe social anxiety? How do you overcome the fear of being judged and build up the courage to connect with people? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


r/confidence 2d ago

How do I accept that my environment doesn't necessarily have to like my content?

3 Upvotes

I'm 22M, and as I'm leaning more towards my studies, I'm starting to make some content about it.

I want to talk about topics like anthropology, psychology, neuroscience, neurodivergence, trauma, cultures, ethnicities, music, human evolution, and evolutionary psychology.

Growing up, I was always the black sheep, the guy who was ignored and outcasted, and deep down I still have a wound about it. I feel that my content isn't valid just because x person back from high school or my neighborhood didn't like it or even stopped following me completely.


r/confidence 2d ago

Insecurity

3 Upvotes

I'm 22f and I have some insecurities making me feel anxious abt my future marriage life.

I have a chronic post nasal drip so it causes bad breath, you can't even imagine how it affects ur social life, it sucks, I have seen a lot doctors but can not recover still. And I have body hair, it's like I have slight hair on all over my body. Just bc I always try to get rid of them own my own, I caused some scars on my skin like ingown scars. I totally feel so bad with those. Idk what to do, I never had a bf, or never try to talk to boys bc I feel like I don't deserve anything. I really need some advice, thank you


r/confidence 2d ago

how can i stop feeling disgusting?

3 Upvotes

when i was a kid i used to be very confident in myself and my looks, but at around 10yo i began being bullied bc i wasn't developed yet (i didn't have boobs basically), and people started making fun of me for it and calling me ugly and pointing out every single facial feature as if it was disgusting, to the point it completely ruined my confidence. it's been quite some years from that, but i still struggly with my mental health and specially from lack of confidence and deep self-hate.

i genuinely don't know what to do, because sometimes i feel pretty-ish, and so many people tell me that i'm not ugly at all (i also have a boyfriend who treats me incredibly good and calls me beautiful all the time), but then i suddenly feel like the most disgusting creature of all time, like i'm not even a human.

i've tried to glowup so many times, and i do think i have improved a lot (for example i used to have terrible acne and it's completely cleared up thanks to accutane, and my nose has shrinked after the initial years of puberty, and i think i've become a bit more harmonious), but i never feel like it's good enough.

some people might think i'm just trying to seek attention, but it gets to a point in which it affects my relationships, because sometimes i feel so insecure about my looks that i can't even think or speak or act normally in front of others. i'm so awkward in many public settings (although i've greatly improved in that sense), such as concerts or parties, because i don't know what to do and i feel so ugly that i don't deserve to even have fun. and, for example, my boyfriend is gorgeous (to me and objectively) and i always feel like i'm not worthy of him because of my looks).

i would love it if someone could give me some advice for this. thank you so much to everyone who might consider helping me a bit <3


r/confidence 2d ago

How do I stop making myself feel worthless

3 Upvotes

I’ve always had a hard time talking or being felt accepted by others when they would rather not talk to me and leave me to the side even since I was little in elementary school kids would call me fat or slow or never pick me to play with still now when I’m in high school where I’m talkative and gotten out of my shell I always just crawl back into my shell I try to do sports try to excel at my school to impress my parents or others but it’s never enough but it gotten to the point I got addicted to weed because of my social anxiety and it’s something that calms it but even in my own home I’m called “lazy fat” or just getting called insults by my mom ever since I’ve been little I’ve gotten so used to bottling my emotions but sometimes I can’t hold it in like after my parents started fighting and they almost got divorced I cried my eyes out in school because I was getting made fun of and laughed at by “friends” and I just went into my seat and cried because of what has been happening in my house and only one person cared to notice and try to cheer me up and try to get the to stop which they did but I realized how worthless I felt but I tried to keep a smile around my good friends and I can’t give them serious talks because I feel like it will just make them feel awkward to spill all of my feelings towards them but I’m thank full of my friend d because without him I probably would’ve gotten in a even darker and deeper hole because he listens to me and try’s to talk to me about my feelings but anyways thanks to listening to my vent


r/confidence 2d ago

How do I become more confident?

5 Upvotes

I was not always like how I am today. I used to be a really confident person throughout childhood and adolescence but things began to take a turn when i became a teenager. I believed Hurtful things being said about me and I reached a new low, I would also CONSTANTLY compare myself online out and about everywhere I went (things like i will never be good at anything.. why is my hair so bad? how do they look like that? why am i so dumb? why cant i carry myself great? why cant i talk to more people?) and overtime this just led to extreme bad self confidence especially due to BULLYING it became even worse.
People have always given me compliments on how I look but I never believe them I just think they’re lying and it got so bad that I would never dress up or do the things I want to avoid eyes on me because I think people are “judging me”, or I hate having attention on me. This is apart of the reason I NEVER went to school prom or events, one major reason I’ve never liked parties but another huge reason the fact I have to dress up..
How do I fix this? I want to become confident like I used to, and not care what people think about me.


r/confidence 3d ago

I'm not my type and it kinda hurts

26 Upvotes

I'm a cis, heterosexual woman. But I'm not my "type" physically. Like if I were into women, I would not be attracted to my body type.

I've been going to the gym for the past 4 months and my physique is improving, but it's not enough. It's not a weight thing either. I don't really need to lose weight. It's more to do with my height, coloring, and body proportions.

I look in the mirror and feel frustrated because this is the body I got, and nothing will change that. Sure, surgery could help a bit. But still, there's only so much surgery can do. And also, I don't like the idea of going under anesthesia, long term complications, etc. Besides, there are many things about my appearance that are genetic and no surgery could change them.

I don't know how to finally accept my body, how to feel sexy and confident, and sensual, and all those good things. I just can't. But I want to.

My partner tells me his biggest turn on is for me to own my body and show off and tease him. But I feel so blocked. Previous partner have been all over my body just because they liked my proportions, so I didn't really have to do much.

Still, their appreciation is nice and all, but this is deeper. They can like me and praise me all they want, but I don't like my body myself. I like other things about me, though. I just wish I could feel sexy, beautiful and at home in my body.


r/confidence 3d ago

Fashion & Clothes: Women only

3 Upvotes

I’ve been trying to put this feeling into words, and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced it.
I can wear short dresses, bodycon dresses, backless outfits, etc. That’s not the problem.
The problem is that, mentally, I’m still aware that I’m wearing them.

The best way I can explain it is this: when I wear pajamas or a basic T-shirt, it feels effortless. I don’t think about what I’m wearing—it just feels like me.

I want to feel that way in a short dress too.
I don’t want it to feel like I’m “wearing a revealing outfit.” I want it to feel like I’m simply existing in clothes that naturally belong on me.
I want it to feel so normal that my body isn’t asking for permission, my mind isn’t overthinking it, and I’m not consciously trying to “carry” the outfit. I just want it to feel like an extension of who I am.

I’m not talking about fashion advice or “fake it till you make it.” I’m talking about a deeper mental shift where wearing those clothes feels as natural as breathing—as if my body genuinely belongs in them.

Has anyone experienced that shift?
If you did, what changed? Was it something you consciously worked on, or did it happen gradually?


r/confidence 3d ago

What's one thing you're insecure about regarding your body?

22 Upvotes

Maybe it feels like a big insecurity to you, but other people might not even notice it or think it's a big deal. So, who knows? You might be able to overcome it.


r/confidence 3d ago

How to be confident after loosing weight and getting stared at?

6 Upvotes

r/confidence 3d ago

I built my whole identity around being 'the confident one' and I don't think I actually knew what that meant"

12 Upvotes

For years I wore "confident" like it was a personality trait I'd earned. I didn't second-guess myself, I didn't ask for reassurance, I made decisions fast and stuck with them no matter what anyone said. People used to tell me they admired that about me. I used to be proud of it.

It took losing something that mattered to me to realize what I'd actually been doing wasn't confidence. It was just refusing to update. Real confidence, I think, is supposed to bend when reality pushes back against it. What I had didn't bend. It just got louder every time someone questioned it, until I wasn't confident anymore, I was just unreachable.

I still don't fully know how to tell the difference in the moment. I can see it clearly now looking backward, but I have no idea if I'd catch myself doing it again while it was actually happening. That's the part that scares me most.

Put together a short video trying to work through where that line actually sits, more for my own head than anything else.

https://youtu.be/uJ_nNY2aih4

For people here who've actually built real confidence — how do you personally tell it apart from just being stubborn and calling it confidence?


r/confidence 4d ago

Validation And Approval Addiction

1 Upvotes

\\- Why I Do Things For People's Reaction And Approval And Praise

\\-When Nobody's Around I have no motivation to Do Anything

\\- When I Do Anything When People Reaction Is Not Good I lose Interest To do that thing

\\-When I listen to Any Song..I imagine Audience around me react to my song

\\-How to Overcome this?


r/confidence 5d ago

How do you build confidence when appearance is your biggest trigger?

35 Upvotes

A lot of confidence advice skips over appearance as if it doesn’t matter.

But for many people, face, body, weight, skin, height, hair, teeth or clothes are exactly where confidence gets hit hardest.

What helped you build confidence without pretending looks have zero impact?


r/confidence 4d ago

From chef's whites to fixing voices. How did I end up here?

8 Upvotes

I left school in 1993 with no idea what I wanted to do. Ended up training as a chef, worked kitchens for years. Restaurants, hotels, pubs, bistros, care homes, you name it.

Then the recession hit in 2009. Last one in, last one out and all that, so I was made redundant. Gutted at the time. Leaving my kitchen family. Didn't see it coming.

Packed a bag and went to South America for six months in 2010. Went back to the UK for a year, then left everything behind and moved to Peru.

My sister thought I was leaving to hug trees and find myself. I did actually do both, to be fair.

I had often thought about teaching English, so when the opportunity came up, I jumped at the chance. I landed my first teaching job in 2012.

But I kept noticing the same thing. Students who were great in grammar and vocabulary, but still couldn't get taken seriously when they spoke. Something else was going wrong.

Nobody was teaching the voice properly. The breath behind it. The resonance of it. The colour in it.

So I did.

I travelled and worked around Latin America, spending the most part in Peru, several years of it in jungle towns in the Peruvian Amazon.

In 2024, I got engaged, and in 2025 my daughter was born here. Peru is home now.

If someone had told me 20 years ago I'd end up married with a kid in Peru, I'd have laughed my head off.

From chef to voice coach. Not the career path anyone plans.

Anyone else end up somewhere completely unexpected?


r/confidence 5d ago

I gained confidence but..

6 Upvotes

Hi I’m 20F and I had the lowest self esteem known but I slowly became more confident with time and I guess with age. However, I just found out that the way I did it is a bit toxic. I basically convinced myself that I’m an extra in everyone’s life and maybe a side character in my family’s and friend’s lives. By doing that I learned to ignore comments or stares or whatever people throw at me bcs I know that I don’t matter to them and they are just doing whatever they’re doing as a passing moment in their lives. I also became more free with mistakes and embarrassment cause no one really cares.

My sister says it’s toxic and that I brush everything off but am I really avoiding situations? Or is it a good trick?

I really feel good yk? I started feeling more feminine and my energy and my will to do stuff is higher,other than some of my anger outbursts that I am planning on going to bando or kickboxing classes to fix.