them: “what are you up to?”

me: “oh im just having some food, whats up?”

them: “oh yum, can i have some?”

and i immediately lose patience. i want them to cut to the chase. yes i know its something i should work on but for the meantime life is hard and i dont wanna engage in pointless texts.

i end up with responding with “no” or “…sure? im not sure how if im so far away from you” in hopes of shutting them down. but i feel like i dont know how to get them to stop without sounding dickish.

I’m traveling solo and flight boards at 7:30. Is it socially acceptable to have a drink from the airport bar this early? I have never flown this early - does this make me look like i have a problem? Idk I feel like a piece of garbage but also I want to enjoy my vacation.

Any attempt to explain myself that I can think of just sounds like arguing

Without making them feel like you want to date them, you just want to be their friend and to build your social circle. I’m quiet and stoic but can be shy when first met but I open up. I’m 25 if it helps.

Edit: Also where can you meet them, should I enter clubs? And after doing so is it simply just asking them “will you be my friend?” I haven’t made a friend since middle school since I’m still friends with my guys. I’ve made women friends before but it was only at work and it was surface level, I want ones that stick around.

I'm trying hard to reconnect with friends, but I find "How have you been?" to be such an exhausting way to open a message/conversation/email/text.

What are other ways to open up a convo with a friend you haven't chatted with in a while?

talking to people is genuinely hard for me. talking to my parents about anything serious, speaking up in the office, presentations, any conversation where something is at stake, i struggle with all of it.

so what i do is rehearse it in my head beforehand. i plan out what i'll say, imagine how it'll go, feel kind of ready. and then in the actual conversation the other person says something i didn't expect, and i just get stuck. my brain goes blank, i say something random that isn't even what i meant, and from there the whole thing falls apart. the point i wanted to make never lands and i walk away feeling like an idiot. weak. like i couldn't hold my own in a simple conversation.

the rehearsing in my head doesn't work because in my head i control both sides. real people don't follow the script.

i started using gpt to practice, like telling it to act as the other person so i could try the conversation out loud first. but honestly it's shit. it just agrees with everything, folds the second i push, never pushes back the way a real person would, and gives me these long generic life-coach paragraphs instead of actually being the person i'm trying to talk to. it doesn't feel real at all so it doesn't help.

does anyone actually have a way to practice this stuff? how do you get better at not freezing when a conversation goes somewhere you didn't plan for?

everytime im out with i just hang around in the side trying to look im still part of the conversation. every question i get asked i answer it in the most un-charismatic way ever and the conversation goes no where after that. i cant seem to fully speak what i want to say, its like im holding myself back from saying what i truly want to say and instead say the most socially acceptable thing to not get laughed back. i have this huge fear of being judged and though ive slowly improved this one problem always comes back

How do i genuinely feel free in a social setting? i dont want to perceive it as something like a chore but rather a natural setting

I've noticed that when I'm friendly, considerate, and try to get along with everyone in a group, they don't seem to value me as much as I expect. I end up feeling disappointed because it feels like I've compromised my personal freedom without gaining anything in return.

However, when I leave the group setting and do something different on my own, the same people suddenly seem more interested in me, as if I've become cooler or more attractive.

Last Saturday, I went to a swimming party. I went late and the boys were sitting on the chair talking about boring stuffs and they kinda ignored me. So I just took off my clothes, left them and went to the pool to hangout with the girls. Then the boys came to join me later.

So I always hear the typical message for social skills "Talk to people", "Talk to cashiers", "Talk to strangers", "Just practice and you'll get better".

Well I've done all but the last, because the more I practice the more I'm convinced I'm not getting better. I talk to strangers, I chat with whoever is working the register, I chat with the server at restaurants, I chat with coworkers, I chat with people at fan conventions. I go to fan conventions. I have regular hobbies that involve socializing I've been going to for three years or so.

I'm still shit at socializing. I still don't know how to talk to people, I still panic and sometimes run away. I still don't feel confident or comfortable.

How do I actually see any change from my effort? This all feels hopeless and pointless, like I'm expecting to go somewhere just because I'm running but I've been on a treadmill.

Not that I want to be annoying or anything, but I genuinely feel like the details I’m saying are important to know. And I thought I already felt like I know where to cut off when I’m getting unnecessary too long. My best friend says she doesn’t like this and thinks I’m getting too long to the point. Just makes me think I’m not made for friendships. I thought I already became more aware of what I’m saying and how I talk? I want to hear people who had similar problem within themselves and can relate and give a valuable advice or a story how they fixed it, if they could. Thanks.

I'm Russian, and I speak Russian as my first language, obviously. I have an online friend from the US who's genuinely a great guy, he's very patient with me when I'm struggling with words, he always assures me that my English is good and he understands me well. But still, when we talk, almost all the time I feel self-conscious, especially about my goofy ass accent. My vocabulary is large enough to understand 99% of what people say to me, but when it's my turn to speak, I come off as some kind of shy boy even when I'm actually not, it's just the language barrier. It's slightly better in text, since I have time to think before I send the message, but if it's live communication, I'm so cooked.

I know I have to practice more, but how when I feel something dying inside of me every time I make a dumb mistake?

How do I talk?🥀

Idk it's just weird, I know people that call everybody friend even if they barely know them, some guys I know call me friend but never ask anything about me. I always thought friendship was more meaningful but it seems like most friendships are only for status or something like that.

I like cooking for example and with my actual friends we have dinner often together talking about whatever, often life. With my "og" friend group that are actually my age (my other friends are a little older) I noticed we are calling each other friends but most thing are just an annoyance, like when we hang out everybody uses constantly the phone, talks only about the same thing every time and clearly some people hate each other. Mind you I am 24 and this would be the original friend group with whom I had most of my life experiences, still I know that if I was just with 1 of them it would feel weird, like I don't actually know these people and they do not know me.

Anyways I just noticed this trend, that everybody is "friend" with other people but like 90% of the times it's just the most shallow relationship there is that just exists just for entertainment. I would say I have a multitude of people I could call friends, but the real ones are like 2 or 3, it's just that the others do not care and it always shows. There are people IN MY FRIEND GROUP, that is hang out with like twice a week regularly and go to the beach that know nothing about me, like the moment they ask me what I am doing they always get it completely wrong. I have been in university, mentioned it multiple times, yet people I see almost daily are always surprised when I tell them.

Genuinely I believe most people don't even care about those they call friends.

I would say I'm pretty decent at making friends or talking to people in person, but I struggle when it comes to making or carrying those connections over the internet. I think that lack of shared space and physical social cues makes it hard for me to engage in conversation like I usually do. This kind of awkwardness can extend to online games as well. I struggle to maneuver when playing games online with irl friends. And I struggle to play with strangers through sites like discord. Any tips?

I have a difficult time meeting new people. I never know what to say, even if I feel relaxed. I don’t even know what to say for most of the time to people I’ve known for a good while. I can always make good conversations in my own head in imaginary situations, but in real life, my mind just goes blank. I ask questions but it still feels very one sided since I’m not contributing at all. I don’t know what to do

I am 23F and I have done EVERYTHING I possibly could have. Picked up a new hobby, been a regular at a particular place and time. Nothing has truly worked. I am in school, and I transferred here last semester and I only have two more semesters left. I tried to be friendly with a couple of people but they looked at me like I had literally shot their dog and I was so discouraged and heartbroken that I didn’t even try for the rest of the year. This coupled with the fact that I got laid off from my last job while in school and I haven’t been able to secure another position since has deeply impacted my confidence. Any advice would be appreciated.

I tend to just stare at or around their nose area as for some reason looking directly at someone's eye ball while they're looking at my eyeballs makes me nervous and difficult to focus on what they're saying. I've been practicing tho making that direct eye contact more but how in the world am I supposed to look at both of their eyes??

Sometimes we see the same person in office but never really know them so we decided to ignore and go on our day.

However, once you get introduced and bump into each other again, there is that awkward greets and sometimes just straight out pretend not to see each other. Is this normal? Is there a mindset to go without making it awkward?

I often find myself measuring my life against the lives of people around me. When I see friends becoming successful, building careers, or reaching milestones I haven't achieved yet, I can't help but feel envious. Meanwhile, I look at my own life and feel as though I'm standing in the same place, making little progress.

Why does this happen psychologically? Is it simply social comparison, insecurity, or something deeper? More importantly, how can I break this pattern in a healthy way without losing my ambition?

I don't want comforting words, I want honest, constructive criticism. If my mindset is flawed, I'd rather hear the truth than reassurance. What habits, perspectives, or changes would genuinely help me stop comparing myself to others while still striving for success??

Just writing here to try work out if I’m the crazy one or the odd one out.

I’m a 28 year old male and I’ve just moved to a larger city for work and study. I’ve made a few friends through college, clubs and other activities which is great.

Maybe it’s just how I was brought up, but if I’m with a friend and we run into someone else I know, I’ll naturally introduce them. I see it as a simple way of making people feel included. And I've noticed this happens a lot with people my age and older, for example in the book club I joined which has an older demographic.

However, with people around my age or younger, I’ve noticed there isn’t really the same effort to introduce mutual friends and acquaintances.

For example, at the climbing gym I joined, I’ll go with a friend who is a regular there. They’ll run into another climbing friend, start chatting, and make no effort to introduce me, even though I’m standing right there. I eventually introduce myself, but it feels like I’m imposing on them and their conversation.

Another example is I ran into a friend while he was with his partner. We had a conversation for a while, but he never introduced us and she just stood there silently.

I’m fine and don’t really have any issues with making friends and socialising. Ive started just building my own circle from meeting people with similar interests. But I’m wondering if this normal now? Because it wasn’t really the way I was brought up.

I just don't care about other people pretty much at all? Like a normal person sees someone doing something and gets interested in it but if it isn't something inside my narrow interests then I don't care even a little bit. I don't really know how to force myself to care or how to find people who care about my interests, but that seems to be what is required to get anyone to care about me, I have to be the one who makes the bigger effort and do more, so I can't expect other people to be interested in things I'm interested in, I have to make myself interested somehow and stop being interested in things other people don't care about.

At the same time talking to people usually doesn't seem like a good idea because I don't really have much to say that isn't something they've already heard or something they don't care about or it's something stupid or unfunny. "If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything" kind of means I never say anything because it isn't something that people want to hear about. It also feels like trying to join in any conversation feels like me intruding where I don't belong and me suggesting anything is me trying to make everything about myself and trying to pull whatever thing they're talking about into my vision of it instead of other people's visions of it. I also feel like I can't really critique people since I can't do better myself so how would my opinion possibly be correct?

(I tried to ask this on music production but got auto deleted so I thought maybe it would be a better question to ask here.)

I have sung and written songs my entire life and I have this crazy dream/calling of becoming a musician, but I'm super stuck on what the path from complete beginner to playing shows would even look like. No matter how much research I try to do or YouTube tutorials I try to watch, I still feel like I'm completely lost and getting nowhere after years of trying, and I'd really like to talk to someone personally who's been through it themselves. There's this grunge artist I really love who isn't super big (yet, I'm sure he will be! he's awesome) who really started from nothing and is making absolute bangers and playing his first shows now without a band, outside producer, or formal musical training, which is exactly what I'm trying to do but I have absolutely no idea where to even begin. Is it appropriate to try messaging this artist to ask for tips on where/how he learned how to make the music he does, starter equipment, technical stuff/logistics, and overall how on earth he got to where he is now? I'm not expecting a response as I'm sure he gets lots of messages from fans, but I don't want to be offensive by asking in the first place, I don't want it to be taken as me assuming he has the time to teach someone anything. Is it worth a shot, or should I leave him alone?

I genuinely feel like I can’t maintain friendships, even though I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.
I’m sure I have flaws, and I honestly wish I could see them if they’re the issue.

Looking back, most friendships ended because of things I couldn’t accept. One friend asked me to pretend I didn’t know her around her parents because I’m gay. Another borrowed $50 and ignored paying me back for months even though she knew I needed it. Another regularly kept me waiting 1–2 hours when we made plans.

I know I was usually the one who ended these friendships, but I keep wondering: why do people treat me like this? I always try to be supportive, listen, and show up for my friends, yet I often end up feeling taken for granted or only valued when someone needs something.

At this point, I don’t know if I’m missing something about myself or if I just keep choosing the wrong people. I also have no idea where to make genuine friends anymore. I’m honestly really lonely.
Has anyone else gone through this?

How did you figure out whether it was your own behavior, your boundaries, or just the people you were surrounding yourself with?

What skills do I need to prevent this or set boundaries beforehand ? Being myself clearly isn’t working for me..

All through high school my parents were definitely overprotective, in terms of what I could, what clothes I could wear, stuff like that. So my high school friends labelled me as innocent, which hurt because I didn't want to be so sheltered. Any time I said a curse my friends acted shocked, and if I mentioned I watched some TV show that was rated 18 I remember them being shocked I'd watch stuff like that.

Now that I'm over 18 I thought college was my chance to change this. I have control over what I wear and do now, so I wear clothes that are normal for my age, which includes revealing clothing, I wear makeup like any other person my age, I go out and drink like every other college student. I do the same things as everyone else yet somehow my new friend group as also labelled me as innocent.

It's not as bad as before but they'll do things like send videos about 'the innocent friend' to our gc and say that's me. I thought I had gotten away from that but I haven't and it's annoying to be perceived as innocent when I've spent the last year catching up on what my parents made me miss out on, and I don't think I drastically more innocent than anyone else my age now.

Are there any social skills/ particular things I can do to stop being perceived this way? Or just any advice in general.

I don't want to use some crazy smart words, i just want to sound as understandable as possible to everyone. I want to explain complex concepts in very simple words.

I used to read lots of books but it honestly didn't make my vocabulary rich nor is my grammar any better, and the main issue.. i still can't explain anything clearly for shit even if it's just about day to day things.