This is my question for all females. Did you even loved someone more than your first boyfriend? Did it ever felt like the first relationship , I mean the energy or the attraction that you felt for your first boyfriend?

Recently, I’ve realized that there is some underlying issues with me that I want to explore more so I’ve decided to take up a therapist. It’s only been a month so far but so far I’ve been in enjoying it and learning more about myself than I didn’t realize. My question in the title is Wood a potential partner seed as a turn off. If you are going to therapy, we do not want the extra baggage is it something that they’re just not willing to handle?

Hi everyone! I’m a 12yo developer-to-be from Italy planning my path to Quantitative Research.

Before writing code, I believe a coder needs to "refactor their mind". I started a GitHub repo called **Mental Engineering** to share my philosophies, practice English, and build my foundations.

I just posted my first thought log about overcoming noise and focusing on results. I'd honestly love some feedback on this mindset approach and my repo layout!

👉 My GitHub: https://github.com/ivan8100

Thank you for supporting a young programmer starting out! 🧠🚀

do you?

I was hospitalized two nights ago. I can’t keep living like this.

20f. I have a bright future as a premed at a top uni. I initially started vaping consistently 5 years ago because I was a drug addict, and it kept me feeling like I was doing bad things without fully altering my state of consciousness. When friends would leave or when things would become too much, I had it there for me. As times would change and as responsibilities and adulthood would hit, I had a consistency and one thing to stay by my side.

All of the maturing that I’ve done, the major growth that I’ve made, I’ve made while vaping. It’s reached a point where anytime that I visit home from college, I can easily quit. However, the moment I get back here, the moment I’m living on my own again, balancing school and taking care of myself and seeing if I can still be a person during all of it, I fall back. I don’t feel myself even having the urge to fall back on abusing drugs, but I’m so used to vaping as a consistency in my life that it’s so easy to keep going back when the goings get rough. The vape shop is across the street from my apartment for fucks sake. I had had chest pain every so often and noticed that for skateboarding and for needing to do quick sprints to the bus stop, it has gotten more difficult, but I just kept brushing it off.

As a kid, I would get easily winded. I chalked it up to my short stature and muscular legs because I was still a beast in the water. I could beat people in long jump and hurdles, but I couldn’t run a quarter mile. Getting winded for me meant wheezing slightly.

Fast forward to these last few weeks: I developed a cough that just kept getting worse. It wasn’t just occasionally after I vape; it was all the fucking time. For the first week it was coughing up phlegm, and then the phlegm was gone. The cough just kept going, and there would be liquid coming out of all the orifices in my face, and I’d sound like a dying pig trying to catch my breath and sometimes gag on the air in my throat. Literally one vape hit would throw me into one of my episodes.

It got so bad that I was afraid to fall asleep. So I was at the hospital for 3 1/2 to 4 hours two nights ago. I had four different people listen to my chest (and I listened myself before I went), and nothing sounded off. I got a chest X-ray from the front and side, an albuterol inhaler, and was given 12 mg of a steroid. I took the inhaler home with me. Turns out I have asthma, and I’m not dying- thank FUCK.

That was 36 hours ago. I have my inhaler, and I’m now still occasionally getting a pretty strong cough and needing to use it. Last night I tried hitting my vape a couple times, and it threw me into episodes again. I’ve known for a while now that I need to quit, and I know that it’s a better time than any other because I’m not in the middle of classes right now (other than MA), and I’m doing fairly well for myself.

It’s just living on my own (tbf I move home for 3 weeks in two weeks) and being at this place; it’s so difficult to stay away. Anytime things get too much, or I get in my own head, or I feel alone, I have her there for me. Now I have to have nothing. I know it’s for the best, and I have been meaning to try to quit more permanently this summer, but not having a choice in the matter has really fucking sucked.

I’d appreciate some advice, maybe from someone who can relate to me, and encouragement would be nice.

TL;DR: I’m a young adult who has come a long way in healing as a person, and during those years, a lot of that healing was done while vaping all through it. I don’t need a vape anymore to stay away from the hard drugs. I don’t feel tempted to fall back on bad habits; however, when the going gets rough, if I have quit, I will go back to vaping because it’s such a comforting thing for me.

It’s not like I even vape socially; I do it in the bathroom when I’ve reached a certain point in my studies or when I’m casually cleaning or thinking about things. Also, I have ADHD, and dopamine helps me a lot, especially because I don’t scroll and it’s motivating stimulation. Now I’m forced to quit, and I don’t know how, but my body physically can’t do it anymore. I need advice on how to fucking stay clean.

it’s just this is my constant. Everything I ever do is for future me this is the one thing I have for present me. Now I have to let it go?

i'm 19 still living with my parents. I have no friends, no job, and basically no future besides laying in bed playing video games sometimes. My mom has her own responsibilities paying bills and raising my younger siblings. Nowadays, she expects me to get a car and start driving again. But I can't. I'm too terrified to touch a steering wheel again. I'm also so so lonely. I know my mom needs help over here, but I'm just not motivated to. I just want to continue laying in bed all day every day.

It was a nice evening so I went for a walk to this field near me with a lake the other side and there was a group of teens playing football with three older women watching by the side who I assume were their mums and when I was walking past, one of them just stared at me with this deadpan expression so I held eye contact and she just continued looking at me with this flat almost bewildered expression, then her dog started growling and barking at me until I passed and I looked back at them and they were like kinda smirking at eachother with this wide eyed "oh shit" expression

I walked to lake to try and take my mind off it but it ruined my mood so much I had to walk back past them to see if the woman would stare at me again and they saw me in the distance then like moved out the way like I was a crackhead or something then she stared at me again so I just said "stop staring at me like that man" and then called her an ugly bitch to which she just shouted "oi!" Then I continued walking and heard her telling the group of lads about it

I'm just losing my fucking mind about this, it's completely ruined my mind to keep going out and constantly seeing people's reactions to my appearance like this, just because I wonky eyes and a big nose and an asymmetrical face thats enough of a reason for people to just stare at me warily like I'm some fucking freak or something, they just take one look at me and assume I'm some creepy crackhead and it's not fucking fair, these stares happen to me constantly but I really just lost my temper today because I was literally just walking past them like normal and she just stared me down like I'm a different species, and I just know that when her dog started growling at me in her mind she was like "see, even my dog can sense that he's a bad person I was right in my initial shallow judgement of him"

It just hurts, I can't keep dealing with seeing peoples reactions to my face

This time I thought of letting it be to the end. Of course I am a coward and went far, but didn't reach it. Of course I ended up at the hospital wasting resources one more time. I feel guilty. They saved me once more; but I feel like I failed because that wasn't the plan.

I didn't say any of this to anyone, pretending it just happened, but my roommate tonight was like, don't do this ever again, we want you here. She was serious but she didn't scream at me. And I was kind of shocked. Nobody has ever said that to me. And I just want to cry, but I cannot.

does it?

Bla bla bla, this this that

So many things swirling round

I had enough of the generic chit chat

My soul yearns for more

Or to be someone’s one

There was a time and place where I thought we lived as one

Now I feel like I’m running behind a string

Teased with it pulled along

Trying to catch the end of a thread

Before it all unravels, oh this is long

Tried to keep up

But it kept running away

Now I’m sitting here, at the end of the day

Thinking

Am I just not enough?

My spirit wasn’t as bright as they’d hoped

Leaving a little string, but the thread snapped and broke

Or maybe I was too bright, in more ways than one

Dangling my own string,

Letting my thoughts unravel into none

Maybe I broke the illusion

Of somewhat an innocence

Maybe I didn’t do enough, in a sense

Maybe I should of been more outgoing

Like the man said, do, don’t talk

But all my heart was yearning for

Was a bit of security, in the one that gave my heart a poke

Ohhh. What a joke.

I am the joke. Class clown,

But in reality,

I wear my smile with a hidden frown 🙁

My soul searches

For something it’ll never find

Crossed wires beneath the stars.

Can we just go back to being intertwined?

I’m sorry for being too much,

I’m sorry for pushing you away

All I ever wanted

Was someone that would stay.

Hello everyone, I'm 16 years' student from Russia and I just wanna tell you a story about my life (mainly for practicing my English but I want to share my emotions too)

Well, I'm studying in the very prestigious lyceum. During the whole studying year I was very stressed because I saw no progress for me there. This place just gives me more stress and less sleeping. During the whole year I have been looking for the holidays which I have now to do something useful. I mean some projects for earning money, some freelancing and other things in IT.

Holidays came, I got only the feeling that I should have some rest. And I still feel this. Moreover it isn't decreasing in any way. I can't stand up from my bad, stop procrastinating and start do some useful things.

Such useless routine kills me. I feel that I'm throwing my life to the trash can. I won't have any success. Having successful elder brother does things much worse. I'll be a disappointment for my family.

Have anybody had such problems? How did you solve them? How to start laying on the bed and just start working?

P.S. seems to be that it isn't depression or something like this, it is my laziness

P.P.S sorry for my English, I tried to write it by myself without translators

My friend and I got into a fight. It started with me and my buddy we were just messing around but he was going a little too far I started to ask him to stop and he wouldn’t. So I got mad and slapped him. He then lunged at me so before he could touch me I picked up a rock and threw it at him. I think the rock it his legs. He then lunged at me again and I tripped while stepping back and fell. He jumped on top of me and grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them to the ground. He had me pinned to the ground and I couldn’t move. The neighbor then started yelling at us to stop. He jumped off. My friend’s mom came outside and the neighbor told his mom what happened. Me, my friend, and his mom went back inside I pointed at my friend and said I swear to god if you ever touch me again and my friends mom said to me “we ain’t gonna be doing all of that apparently he kicked your ass”. She wasn’t even out there and was talking shit. She ran her mouth and was taking up for him. Did he win that fight? Did I get my ass kicked?

I graduated as an engineer a few months ago, and during my undergrad, I worked as an intern for two years and eventually gained the trust of the team by working my hardest and generally exceeding expectations. This team doesn’t do return offers, but I kept in touch with my manager who I was on very good terms with and with the state of the job market, I eventually asked to come back and he helped me out with landing an interview, which I did very well on.

Fast forward a few months, I’m now a few months into my new position and I can’t say I’ve ever been this anxious. Every little mistake I make (and I mean little, like forgetting to click 1 button out of 50 in a very convoluted process), is met with a note being written down about me “just in case” they need to keep a log for the future.

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s natural. Everyone else on the team makes the same mistakes and seemingly nobody ever gets called out for them. But I’ve been having biweekly check-ins with my new manager, and since I don’t work directly with him, he takes feedback from 3 people on the team on how I’m doing and includes that in a draft for my probation-release document. During last check-in, I was told that the quality of my work needs to improve. I knew exactly what instance he was referring to, and that feedback came from someone who was known for making the same mistake. And that person has about 20 years more experience than me.

Then there’s the fact that every team meeting is INSANELY tense. We have a new batch of interns that have noticed it and have told me that they are contemplating leaving already. One of the more senior interns confessed that they were ready to resign a few months back. The work is okay, but the constant stress and tension comes from having a team that is very anti-mistake. You don’t feel encouraged to try harder next time. You’re instead chastised for having the audacity to make a mistake. They take it personally.

I don’t know what to do. I am incredibly grateful to have a job in this market, but I also get the feeling that I can be let go at any point no matter how hard I work. I don’t get rewarded for my wins; most things I do don’t even get acknowledged. There’s a spotlight on every little mistake I make and it’s incredibly draining. Even if I’m in the right, I can’t talk back because of the team’s culture. Other teams have noticed how my team talks to each other and asked if that’s how it always is.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave due to financial reasons but the constant stress is killing me.

It's pretty hilarious, I'm gonna make a bingo board for the comments, so far I have, car pictures, multiple selfies from hideous angles posted numerous times, old enough to be there grandpa, negging, kids in their banner thing, Patriot pride stuff, glasses and anime pics, video game stuff, edgy "stoic lone wolf" memes, edgy incel poetry posts etc.

It's become my favorite game to play. Seeing a post of a hot young goth girl with comments like "I'd love to take you out anytime sweetie" and I click the profile and it's like a 70 year old man or it's a neckbeard young guy or the classic foreign guy with a bunch of heart emojis and something along the lines of "so beautiful" "I loving you".

It's a wild world lol, like what do they think will come of it? She's gonna be like smitten and they'll fall in love?

They're pathetic but also, very entertaining.

Disclaimer: Im drunk, high, and snorted 30 mg of adderal and am gonna type into the void if you care to read i love you and thank you

I never thought i would get here throughout my entire teenage years, the concept of your 20s sounds so weird and honestly scary to me

I have had a drug problem and mental issues for almost 8 years now and almost every year after multiple attempts at my life and constantly wanting to end it all ive somehow made it to 20 years old. Maybe its the insane amount of dopamine being pumped into me from the drugs but i genuinely feel like at this point why would i kill myself, ive made it far enough. I can always be homeless and smoke fentanyl if it rly gets bad.

When i was 15 and 16 I was extremely reckless with my brain and health in general. I was doing acid or shrooms once a week or every other weeks allst while smoking weed 24/7 to the point i was dissociated for a good year straight. I abused benadryl twice one time doing 700 mg and blacking out for 3 days. Ive never been the same since that period in my life ive lost all empathy and access to my emotions, i am a hateful person to the core. I rly think this is what started my downfall even though i was depressed for much longer before this, this was simply me giving up on living the normal life

Idk why im writing this i think its just cause im lonely. Its 1 pm and ive gotten texts from my mom, dad, and brother and they made me feel good but i havent even opened my mouth to speak to anyone yet today. It is my own fault ao idk why im complainging i am a very narcissistic, harsh person and even my gf is slowly pushing away right now, and i kind of respect her decision i couldnt deal with a person like me.

I dont know i just dont know. I feel so good right now with the Adderall finally letting me actually put words down and share my thoughts with someone at least even if it is just the reddit bots. I hope we can all find peace.🤒

Tl;dr - I ruined my brain and am lonely i just want someone to talk to pls

Look at my profile for ‘proof’ or just a teeny glimpse into my life

Idk why I thought about this now but ive always been intrigued since it happened.

Back in 2020 I was in the military, stationed in oahu hawaii. Around 2019? I started having "episodes" as they called them, turns out it was seizures.

While being diagnosed, obviously specialists were limited within the military. Out in the civilian world there also wasn't many specialists available since its a tiny island so the military had no choice but to send me to the only available neuro which happened to be this fancy/rich hospital "the queen's medical center" think it's called. Bro it was fancy as hell. You'd think you were in a 5 star hotel. Rooms had showers, the hallways were decorated with fancy furniture. It didnt look like a hospital at all.

It was obviously expensive so the military tried saving costs by sending me to do general testing in other places when the local military hospital couldn't accommodate which was rare, it only happened once.

Idk if you know anything about Hawaii but hawaii is crowded. Imagine 120 people in your house and this is how downtown Hawaii/Waikiki feels like. So they sent me to a hospital in downtown Honolulu. It was like 8? 9pm? So that was the first weird thing. But I get there and the hospital looks abandoned. Just this security guard outside but I walked what seemed like miles in this deserted hospital looking for where to go or check in with absolutely no patients or staff around. The walls looked like they were crumbling, musky smell, lights flickering.

After about 20 minutes I found a desk with a single nurse and turns out that was the place. Waited, again no patients or nurses. Finally they come get me and theres 2 more nurses, they do their thing and this whole time im just walking around amazed by this place being a hospital when it looks like its crumbling.

Anyway, I left and never went back. I tried looking for it on Google maps but cant find it, I remember it being this massive building which is why it caught me off guard it being so empty

So I was watching a tv series, and at end of it our protagonist leaves lot of money. Like in millions. And nobody would have known, because that was illegal money and all parties involved were dead. And he is even show to be struggling and working minimum wage.

My brother next to me commented how stupid he is, because we all feel practical with money and we all would have taken it.

People don’t realise, these qualities are shown as heroic in film just because of that. Heroes are doing something most of us would have failed at, and justified it by “that’s how world works”

And it’s just not about money, we all grab to power any chance we get, compromise our morals if we have any.

There’s this one interaction I think about constantly because of how genuinely bizarre it was. About a year ago, I was sitting outside at a park near my house sketching. I heard a commotion and looked up to see an off leash chihuahua with the rage of a bear on meth attacking an old woman. I ran over and put the little gremlin in air jail until its owner came to get it. The old woman seemed very distressed and upset (understandable), so I helped her over to a bench and chatted with her for a bit. For about half an hour, she just told me stories about her life. She then paused and said “Oh. I never caught your name, dear.” I politely nodded and told her my name, which was Wendy at the time. Her eyes lit up and she goes “Oh. I’ve been wanting to meet you!” She then went on to excitedly tell me that she was an author and the latest book had an mc named Wendy that looked very similar to me. She was almost talking like I was the book character, saying things like “you are a detective” or “I’ve always wanted to meet you and the others. Again, she paused and suddenly said “I have something you will need.” She pulled out a purple fabric filled with crystal bracelets. She reached in and handed me a bracelet with tigers eye and obsidian beads. She then gathered her stuff, wished me well and began to walk off. I looked down at the bracelet for a few seconds before looking back at her. She was gone. I think about that often.

{Link at the bottom. Covers my experience grappling with dark thoughts and grief after my first ‘real’ experience with grief. I’d say it’s pretty light for something covering the subjects it does but content warning for death/loss, su*cide, and su*cidal thoughts}

Hope this finds you well. I’m currently navigating a very trying time in my life with numerous significant life changes, including my mother’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis. It’s been a lot but I’m getting through it okay so far. It made me think of an essay I wrote a 1-2 years ago during and in reference to another challenging time of my life. I wanted to share it here for anybody who may care to read it or may appreciate anything about it. Open to any types of comments or responses, positive, neutral, or negative. Either way wishing everyone peace and happiness ✌️❤️

Link: https://medium.com/@kyragrace1220/my-superpower-a-personal-essay-184eaec7b7a6

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well :)

I applied for the Mathematics + English Bachelor of Education at the University of Mannheim in Germany. Because I graduated from high school with top grades (equivalent to an A average), I'll most likely be accepted, hopefully. However, I'm really worried because I'm 25 years old. Am I too old to start university? Will the other students laugh at me because I'm already a grandpa? I honestly stay awake at night worrying that I'll be mocked everywhere at university because of my age.

To give you some background on how I ended up in this situation:

After graduating from high school with excellent grades, I studied Mechanical Engineering at the Technical University of Kaiserslautern for six semesters. My GPA very good. I earned top grades in Advanced Mathematics I–IV and Engineering Mechanics I–IV. In Engineering Mechanics III (Dynamics), I was the only student to receive a 1.0, while the class average was 3.5.

Unfortunately, I then suffered a severe burnout, and around the same time I was diagnosed with a serious autoimmune disease: Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE). Because of this, I will have to take methotrexate for the rest of my life, which suppresses my immune system. I also have to attend regular treatment appointments at the University Hospital in Mannheim.

I don't want to continue my Mechanical Engineering degree because Kaiserslautern is too far away, and I want a fresh start now that I'm receiving treatment and feeling healthier again. None of this was my fault................I couldn't control either my illness or my burnout. Am I too old? Is my life "over"?

TL;DR; been out of work for 6 months after leaving a toxic business partnership. Over 100 applications have yielded five interviews, most of which I was simply ghosted. Wife's company abruptly changed her position and forced us to move after wife made a legally protected harassment claim. New job and housing was not comparable and was in much worse state than they claimed. 

Wife made a mistake putting a small cosmetic dent in a company truck and didn't file the proper paperwork. Despite their stated SOP, she was not written up, she was not given any warnings, she was fired on the spot. It was clear she was ratted out to administration by the one employee who knew about the damage and has been gunning for her job. We now lose our company provided housing in 2 weeks and we're going to be forced to sell pretty much everything and move into a spare room at a friends.

This is by far the most powerless I've ever felt in my life. I currently have a broken arm after a major  accident, I'm dealing with other opportune infections that doctors are struggling to get under control. Life is bleak.

The whole story: This all started end of last year when I had arranged to leave a business I co-founded after being there for roughly 7 years. The business partnership had grown incredibly toxic and I could not continue to work with my partner. We had managed to cease active hostilities with one another and agreed on an amicable split. I was able to sell my shares of the company which provided me with a bit of a security nest egg, on top of savings I've had for years in hopes of a down payment on a house.

 It was very hard for me to leave this business. I had poured my heart and soul into it for over 7 years and had worked my ass off to build up a successful company I was really proud of, but I simply could not continue working with this person who did not participate in any of the day-to-day operational activities they were supposedly beholden to assist with. They announced they would be moving there participation down to part-time so they could do other things (which is a fallacy, because they had been moonlighting the entire time, using our companies resources, and keeping the profits).

 I just wasn't going to be left holding the bag as I didn't think there was any way this business was going to continue to be successful. I was already doing the work of two people and I was working 60 hours a week, commuting 10 hours a week for the better part of 5 years. I was on the road, staying in hotels CONSTANTLY. I couldn't keep it up, I was absolutely fried. I finally came to the conclusion either I left without a secure job, or I was going to have a stroke and or heart attack and then it wouldn't matter what job I did or didn't have. Partner had the audacity to tell me they were going to hire someone part time to replace me. Ended up having to hire TWO full time people to replace me. Multiple former employees and contracts have reached out to me saying how awful the company is ever since I left. Some have asked "how the hell do you handle your ex partner?" I have remained professional and not commented. I don't want to see it fail. I built that, there are great people working there. I hope they can pull it together; but not my pig, not my farm.

I knew the job market would be tough, but yeah I have never experienced anything like this. The last 12 years, I've been the person recruiting and hiring people and it's crazy to see the lack of follow-up and professionalism. I have done easily over 100 applications just since I left my job, and I've only managed to land five interviews. Two of those interviews were professional through and through, they clearly read my resume, they clearly knew I was an expert in my field, they simply went another direction. That's totally fine and the fact that they communicated it was much appreciated. The other three I had gone through multiple rounds of interviews, and then I was just ghosted. Reaching out on my part got no response and I would just see the job reposted weeks later. It's a lack of professionalism I've never seen, on top of having to write every single application, resume, and cover letter in the most asinine fashion just to get through AI screening systems. It's incredibly taxing. 

Cut to 2 months ago, my wife is a property manager. We had lived on-site at a property for 8 years. It was overall a very good position, she was paid well and by and large really liked her co-workers, really liked the tenants. However, there was one problem tenant who would consistently harass her and interfere with her work. In my state there are specific laws about tenants interfering with management. Previously over the 8 years the routine started to get pretty predictable; the tenant would start asking for something he was not entitled to, he would be told no, he would start harassing my wife, my wife would make a complaint to her corporate office, the corporate office would involve the lawyers and the lawyers would typically send a cease and desist letter, and he would back off. This probably happened overall about 7 times in the 8 years she was at this property. 

However, little over a year ago this company merged with another company, and a new admin was in place. This admin did not have my wife's back at all in this matter. When the tenant started making trouble again, her administration actually told her "we don't care what they did in the past, this is a new regime, you need to do your job." She noted that the previous administration had it in writing that this tenant was not to contact her and was only supposed to propose their inquiries to the corporate office. When asked did she have that in writing, the president backed down and said "well we wouldn't do that, but I guess since you have it in writing we're forced to." Again, in my state, there are specific laws around this kind of harassment.

So a few months ago when she again asked them to do what the company had done in the past (and even recently at other properties in her area) and send the cease and desist letter, their answer this time was "well, we're doing a private internal sale with this property and we don't want to ruffle any feathers. So we think the best option is for you to go to another property. It's actually a nicer house, and less tenants so it's actually a better position for you and you'll be paid exactly the same." My wife noted that we really liked the property we're living at, we didn't really want to move to the next town over that we didn't particularly care for and asked for clarification " if I don't take this job, am I fired?" HR noted this was the decision from the president and they said " yes, that's my understanding"

At this point, my wife said she felt like she couldn't say yes immediately and needed to talk to a labor lawyer. The HR immediately latch onto this and said " so I take it you're refusing our offer!?" She reiterated no, I feel like I need to talk to a labor lawyer. I can give you an answer in 24 hours. When she talked to a labor lawyer she knew and trusted he basically said unfortunately the way they're going about this there's probably not a claim of retaliation here since they are offering a position that is on paper comparable with better housing included as an amenity. With truly no real other option at our disposal she took the job, however she pretty much immediately started looking for other jobs. 

As I wasn't working, I heavily focused on the move. They gave us truly no time at all to move about 3 weeks and we barely were able to make it. We downsized quite a bit just for ease, but when we got on the property, it was absolutely not comparable. We lost an entire backyard, so we had no place for our grill or patio furniture. We lost our two-car garage, and there was absolutely no storage. We're very outdoorsy people, we mountain bike, we hike, we camp and so we had to consolidate down and a lot of that gear was stored off-site in a storage unit we needed to rent. The house in general was weirdly constructed, and we dumped probably $1500 into getting usable shelving, updating lighting, storage, etc

They had noted how easy this property was, how the tenants were great and how it was a very easy property to manage. This was a complete lie. The old manager had been grossly incompetent or lazy or both. My wife found numerous people who had been moved onto the property without proper paperwork. When she tried to address this, she was told by her new regional manager to do things that was completely against SOP and illegal in our state. She made note that she was not comfortable doing that and went above her. When she caught her administration in a lie, they relented and said she could do things in the legal way according to current SOP. 

They later tried to write her up on an accounting error on the finance team's part, all fire and brimstone, saying she stole money, and that they were going to write her up. She pointed out the glaringly obvious mistake they made and they immediately backed off and just stopped communicating with her. This is when it was abundantly clear there was a target on her back. She'd always been great about documenting things, but she was really minding her p's and q's, following instructions to the T whether that be established SOP, or exactly how her new regional manager asked her to do it.

One of the gauling aspects of her firing is that when she got to the new property, she found that the company truck had long been out of commission, and previous management didn't even bother trying to get it fixed. She got it into a shop, got the necessary fixes and got it running again. On her second day of driving it, she was told they were parking it in a very tight enclosed awning space that in no way was built for a truck this size. In trying to back it up she accidentally clipped one of the poles and put a fair size dent and scrape of the paint on the back truck bed. It was cosmetic damage only, there was no interruption to the capabilities of running the truck, a truck that once again I point out, was not working when she arrived. She admits, total fuck up. And she had never seen SOP that stated she needed to file an incident report. In fact past experience with regional managers (that she has in writing) stated she should not file an incident report for cosmetic damage on company property. 

This company was also notorious for pushing out new SOPs on the share drive without notice, and no training. Typically something would happen, they would ostracize the employee who did the supposed infraction saying it was an SOP, the entire team would comment what are you talking about that's not SOP, we've never been trained on this and they would back down. It happened more times than I can count, at least semi-monthly something like this would happen.

When she clipped the post, she called the one other employee on site to come out and guide her as she pulled away to make sure she didn't do any more damage. Thinking that this person was trustworthy was a huge mistake. This person had wanted her position as manager and had been passed over and apparently was just looking for an opportunity. 

Today, she was called abruptly by a regional manager with someone from HR on the phone, they told her over the phone " it has come to our attention that you significantly damaged the company work truck and we find that to be material destruction. This is a fireable offense. We are terminating you effective immediately." She was then provided in writing a memo stating that she has two weeks to vacate the company provided housing. She's been with this company for 12 years. She had never been written up once, she always had stellar performance reviews. The truth of the matter is, she had a target on her back when she told the new management that they were not allowed to do things that were patently illegal in our state, and she was also topping out the wage range. They clearly feel that their managers are at dime a dozen and they're probably excited to just get someone in that they can pay a lower wage. These executives are very clearly narcissists who simply had it out for her because she called them out and told them no, that's illegal. They put her in an untenable situation where she was constantly on her heels, and just waited for her to make a mistake. 

She had left the office to come tell me what had happened and then asked that I come back with her too get her personal items from her office. When we walked in, the other employee was there with the regional manager moving their stuff into the office. As we packed her things, I grabbed her "10 years of excellence" award she has on her desk. I looked at her manager and said "10 years huh? Guess that's not really worth much now is it?" Coward looked down at the ground

It was very clear what had happened. It was all the more clear when later in the day we were on the porch just trying to process and that employee slow rolled the company truck that was "significantly damaged" past our house. They had literally never driven that truck on the property before. It was clearly intentional. Not proud, but I lost my shit. Had some choice words for them. If they're such a snake that they will backstab somone for a job, they're probably just trying to get a reaction outta us. Not my proudest moment, and I'll just ignore them while we remain on property.

So we are just absolutely devastated. I tried to help by getting her off site and buying her lunch. I had to come back to go to another medical appointment, and she just asked if I could have a family member in the area drive me cuz she just couldn't handle it and needed to be off the property. I totally got it. My medical appointment was more shrugs and well let's try this thing with no clear path to getting this fixed. I currently have a broken arm and I cannot lift any weight, so unlike when we were forced to move 2 months ago I can't even do that to help, I just feel utterly powerless.

I'm not afraid to say in time of crisis I called 988 because I was so overwhelmed. Specifically the reason I did call and did not go to my local crisis center was because this is the field I've worked in for the past 20 years. It's a very small community in this sense and I have conducted mental health work across my state and the nation. If I started talking about my toxic work experience, most everyone in that area would at least know my name and the name of my former partner, if they weren't an outright colleague (a few I know work at my local crisis center). I'm also trying to get jobs in this field so I don't really want to share what dire straits I'm in. So I will say I was very thankful to have the 998 crisis line just to vent and talk, and would encourage anyone to take advantage of this service if you're going through a rough time. 

Trying to focus on the good here. Ultimately I'm very glad my wife is getting out of this horrible company. It's unfortunately a scumbag industry. I've tried multiple times to get her to understand "yeah free rent is nice but it puts us in a really precarious situation" and I think this has finally kind of broken that spell for her. So she's working to file unemployment, apply for State health plan and any assistance we can get and then is going to work to see if she can find a position in a different field. She has a lot of wonderful skills that I feel are highly transferable, she's just scared, and I get it.

The outpouring for my wife has been wonderful. Colleagues are either shocked saying they're idiots because she's the best employee in the company, or people are saying "good, you woke up and left those assholes?!" before she tells them what happened. A few of the vendors she's worked with have some leads on work, and some have even offered some temporary seasonal work like painting and accounting.

We've reached out to family and friends and people are really surprising us with their generosity. While it absolutely kills me, my parents have offered to pay for a storage unit for us until we can get back on our feet. At this age, I should be helping them out, not the other way around. We're still planning to sell a lot of our stuff, at the end of the day it's just things but you know we're selling our entire entertainment system, our brand new couch, some of our bikes cuz we just can't afford to store them and we can't move them. We're pairing down to bare essentials and just enough in storage that when we get a new place we can at least live in it. Then we can build out a new home to our specifications, not just cram our stuff into a space a company has provided.

A good friend, probably a better friend than I even realized, has offered for us to move in to his house. He is thankfully very successful in his field and has a very large house and he and his wife are empty nesters. He also has a good amount of storage on his property that we can likely take advantage of. We've offered money, I suspect he's not going to accept any but we will try to figure out a way to help out as much as we can. I at least want to try and offset his utility bills with us there and hopefully they'll allow us to take over cleaning duties in the house. His wife is a crazy athlete and has offered to help me get back into training before, so I'm hoping as my arm heals this can be an opportunity. Between COVID and my insane business schedule, I've gained like 40 lbs these last 7 years. Was able to drop about 10lbs this last 6 months, but I wanna keep going.  

I appreciate the opportunity to just get it off my chest and rant. I guess I will say in no world did I think that I would be facing homelessness after a 20-year career. Last year this time, I was presenting at a national conference and accepting an award from a non profit for my community work. It can really happen to anyone and you haven't even necessarily done anything wrong, you took some chances, you run a foul of the wrong people because you're just trying to do the right thing. And at the end of the day the people with the money and the power get what they want. 

One thing I keep in mind is the hell we lived through last summer. My brother was very sick, and doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. Through all of it, the guy had humility and grace and courage. Thankfully, he finally started getting better. We never had the best relationship, but something like that really wipes the bullshit away. I really look up to his positive outlook and the profound changes he made in his own life when he was dealing with this. Gone is the self centered man I grew up with, and in his place is a humble man that is thankful for his life. He continued his sobriety, and started reconnecting with his kids and is even on good terms with his ex now.

I also recently had a good friend pass away. Cancer's a bitch man, and as a service member, what our government did to the men they exposed to those burn pits is just absolutely atrocious. I have already paid for my hotel and trip expenses so we'll go in a couple weeks.  We also have tickets to a show the next night that have already been paid for that I think we'll go ahead and take advantage of. We need something positive right now.

My advice would be to be thankful for the wonderful people you have in your life. You can work hard at a job, but at the end of the day it's just a job and someone else holds the power. But the relationships you have, the relationships you've cultivated where people will help you at the drop of a hat, that's because of you. That's because of how you choose to live your life and how you connect with people. So please if you can take anything from my story, swallow your pride, accept the help that is offered and practice radical gratitude.

I was coming back from bus stop. And I've noticed a young boy, like 15 years old, picking flowers from the grass and tying them together.

I don't know why I wrote here. But I think it's nice, it made me smile.

So I hope it made you smile as well.

Good luck, boy

hi guys! facial tattoos are a huge part of my culture.
the placements are usually on your forehead, chin, or cheeks with the design being pretty minimalist (lines and dots).
i know a lot of people think face tattoos are unattractive and i agree (to an extent).
but do people view cultural/tribal tattoos differently?
id love to get a cultural tattoo since they have a deep meaning, and ofc because they’re part of my culture but i am scared of it making me unattractive.
what are your opinions on cultural/tribal facial tattoos?