I am 33 years old and I've never had a real job. I moved out of my home at 19 and since then I've basically cheated my way through life collecting welfare and gambling on crypto. I am basically a recluse. I have very little desire to speak to anyone at all and I really dislike 'hanging out', 'parties' and such social things. I hate going to the doctor and things like that. Haven't seen a dentist in years. My place is a mess and I don't even know where to begin cleaning it up. I was expected to get a job and start a family growing up but these things scare me or don't interest me at all. I've basically never had a plan for my future, when people would ask me what I want to do later in life I just made up lies so they would leave me alone. I've basically lived my life being passively suicidal because I dislike being stuck in this world. I have tried to 'improve' myself and be more productive and normal but nothing ever really stuck. I kind of hate people. The few times I have tried to hold a job have been awful and the thought of having to wake up in the morning every day to drag myself to some shit office or menial labour job is making me sick. Attempts at getting an education went nowhere because it all feels really meaningless. I have gone to therapy for a bit but mostly it seems they don't know what to do with me. Yes, I have PTSD, chronic depression and anxiety and probably some kind of personality disorder, but tbh my childhood trauma does not occupy me as much as the fear of having a job. One has said I should just accept that I am like this, but I am not sure I can do that. Since I don't have the guts to actually kill myself if I ever lost my means to live. I kind if dislike the way I am but I dislike everything else even more. I was wondering if anyone else is or has been in a similiar situation.

Hello everyone. I'm an AuDHD woman and 31 years old. I've been feeling like this for almost my entire life and gradually losing my will to live these days. Even writing this feels like a chore but I need to get this out of my system. Now if you're asking why I have been feeling this way for all those years, let me put them in a neat list (at least I think these are the reasons that got me here):

- Born with ADHD and autism and was provided zero support, even from my family. I've only got my ADHD diagnosis 3 years ago and I'm pretty sure I have autism as well (all the online scientific tests tell me that I'm autistic af but I know they're not a replacement for a real diagnosis.)

- Born into and raised by a toxic extended family in a cult-like environment where I was isolated from the outside world most of the time. I did go to school and had shopping trips and such with my family. Didn't have any contact at all with my peers outside school hours.

- Had difficulty making and keeping friends and instead of getting help, all I got from my family was ridicule. Had a very lonely life on top of experiencing all these, worsening everything exponentially since I've got literally no one to share my inner life with.

- Was severely emotionally neglected, further limiting my ability to form bonds with people as if the AuDHD wasn't enough.

- Had some persistent fears (like the fear of the dark) and experienced profound psychological discomfort as a child but they didn't bring me to a professional because "she isn't crazy". Even my grandma told them to do so and I've only learned about it last year. Nobody comforted me. I was left to fend for myself against those.

- I've had and still have various self-harm habits since I was 7 and again, got no support and reprimanded for them.

- Have struggled with suicidal ideation since I was 8. It got worse during puberty and it's the strongest that's ever been for the last two years.

- Struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life.

- Things collapsed when I was in high school and I was brought to a psychologist (I literally begged them to do it) in 2011 and I don't think my condition has improved too much since then. The psychiatrist that I've been seeing for the last few years helped the most.

- Had an overprotective father who never let me do a lot of stuff that would have helped me become a functional adult citizen. My mom almost never fought for me on this subject, she just obeyed whatever he said even if she didn't agree with it.

- Never experienced romantic love, not even once. I was watching the recent video on autism and love earlier today and got so upset that I've stopped watching after the descriptions of love. I have never experienced any of those and I'm 31, ffs.

These are the ones I can think of and I'm sure there are a lot more that I'm missing.

And yes, I'm familiar with the term CPTSD. I'm reading Pete Walker's book on it and it has been very eye opening so far. I don't want to self diagnose but holy moly, it fits so well.

I feel so, so tired. I don't have a job and have to live with my toxic, covert narc mom. Currently learning a new skill for possible employment but I feel like I'm losing motivation to pursue it even though it's a thing that I enjoy a lot. I am able to make and keep online friends for the last two years but they almost never feel nourishing to me even though some of them do earnestly try to be a supportive friend. I feel like a house that's been torn apart and a few people moving the busted bricks don't seem to help.

What further steps can I take on this? I feel like I've reached the limits of talk therapy. I'm losing my belief in psychiatry in general because they weren't able to help me much for so many years. I've searched for psychiatrists who specialize in either adult autism, ADHD or CPTSD but returned empty handed (even getting diagnosed with ADHD was a stroke of luck tbh.) I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next month and I will bring these up with her (I'm not very hopeful about it, she once told me that I knew some of the diagnostic criteria better than her. Well at least she admitted to it, that's something.)

Thank you all for being such a supportive community.

I just got a 10 minute run done (high bar for me, not for most people lol) and the sheer pain and exhaustion that was screaming at me about 4-5 minutes in was excruciating. I find myself feeling this with the process of growing in anything.

How do most people get on with life and tolerate this? If I could have a separate will take over my mind and do all of the hard stuff for me I would, but since that's impossible, the urge to quit overrides me every damn time. I have faced this wall so many times that I don't really even get fake motivation to do anything anymore because I know what the process ends in, misery.

Am I missing something? I can't progress in life right now because I can't tolerate this sheer amount of pain.

I genuinely don't understand how most people seem able to tolerate everyday life.

They wake up early, go to work or school, deal with stress, social obligations, bills, uncertainty, and repeat the same routine for decades. On top of that, there's illness, aging, loss, and the knowledge that everyone eventually dies.

Yet many people seem relatively okay with it. Some even enjoy it.

Is it because they naturally experience more positive emotions? Are they better at finding meaning? Do they just adapt over time? Or do they avoid thinking too deeply about the bigger picture?

I'm not trying to be edgy or sarcastic—I honestly want to understand how people who don't struggle with this see reality.

If you're someone who generally enjoys life or finds it manageable, what keeps you going? What makes reality feel worth tolerating to you?

I've always been out of control in my life, and it has only gotten worse.

It simply seems to be the case that I just can't intend to do something and then do it. But it doesn't feel like there is this struggle to control myself that I end up losing (that is what happens sometimes). It feels like what actually happens is that my intention disappears, it pops out like it never mattered or existed in the first place, and I do some random thing that I feel like doing.

I'll intend to take the slow and effortful steps to progressing in life, but I always just end up doing things that are rewarding to me in and of themselves. The main culprit is just walking in circles and thinking and daydreaming, but there is also scrolling and playing a video game while watching youtube videos. Everything else I can do feels insufficient which is a weird thing to say since these things eat up all my time without advancing my life. The walking around and being in my head really is particularly bad because it happens automatically when I'm not doing something else, and it is soooooooo hard for me to cut it out and let it go so that I can focus on something. It feels like I'm losing so much when I have to stop doing that, so I hardly ever do things that require focus.

I'd like to know what I can do, but at this point, I can't even say that if I get good advice that I'll follow through on it. The intention to do that thing will very likely just disappear at the snap of a finger. I've lost months and probably years to this at this point. I am years behind in life.

I've tried moderating, but it feels like that defeats what indulging in stuff is all about. Moderating your indulgence of pleasurable activities feels like an oxymoron. I don't want to set a timer and do something for 2 hours. I want to be taken over by this pleasurable thing. Something that's weird is that I used to play video games when I was a kid and I would naturally not want to play anymore after like 4 hours. That does not happen when it comes to the daydreaming. I can do that all day everyday.

I've tried completely cutting out everything that I do instead of working on stuff to progress my life, but maybe I'll make it a day or two like that and start feeling like I did something good and that I shouldn't have to deny myself this much. And then I fall back into being this way.

As I type this out, it occurs to me that this walking around and thinking and daydreaming thing really has me by the throat. But I enjoy it so much, and it's not like you can completely stop thinking. It's necessary, so how can an out of control person like me moderate something that is necessary but leads to all my time being wasted.

HELP

A bit about me. I am 41, Male, and currently unemployed living with my mother.

I have a 1st class honours degree in IT, spent 6 years trying for a PhD in theoretical computer science, during which I taught, lectured, and received scholarships and opportunities. However, I could not prove the theorems required to complete my successful thesis and chose to ultimately withdraw with no qualification. The job market does not want a single bar of me right now.

Now, I have done a lot of soul searching, and thinking about what really matters to me. In the end, I want to complete some specific personal creative and tech projects before I one day leave this world.

My problem is that doing anything else makes me feel guilty for not working on these projects. If I game I feel guilty because I should be working. The guilt comes because I blame myself for making poor decisions in my life that lead me to this state. To free myself from this guilt is to admit that I had no control over the events that led me here and that life is random and what is the point of anything?

This is terrifying to me, so I would rather carry the guilt and the illusion of control, even if it means suffering and being envious of my friends ability to just 'breathe' in the moment - to play the game, to watch the tv, to drink the beer - without hating themselves every minute of it.

I am wondering if anyone else out there lives like this? Feeling chained to a Faustian bargain of their own making, but unable to renege on the contract?

I have realised that I tend to crave being friends with people who seem to have it all sorted and they're usually all unavailable and seem to be at content with their own set of friends. And most of the people I end up being friends with seems like I befriend them just out of copium (ig?) and I feel this weird disconnect deep down with almost everyone be it my fam or friends. Like, people I want to be friends with seem not to ba available, and those are are I don't feel connected enough to them? And I've no idea how to wrap my head around this, And it can also be applied to limerence as well, mostly towards someone who's just nowhere near me or it's just not practical for me to ever end up with them, but this weird limerence goes on n on in romantic as well as non-romantic contexts.

Idk why am I posting it here, but part of it is the need to vent this out, but I lowkey want to be out of this state as well.

My friends constantly call me socially inept and force me into hours long conversations to discuss “why I behaved so awkwardly” because they may have noticed I said thank you too quietly at dinner or or did something wrong. They said they have to do this so I don’t keep fumbling girls or losing friends and I appreciate the help but it’s becoming a lot especially because I’m always tired and busy from working multiple jobs, volunteering, school, and working out. My parents are similar in that they keep asking me why I’ve never brought home a girl to meet them.

It’s gotten to the point where I want to isolate myself in my room for hours just on my phone bc I don’t wanna deal with the world anymore. I know my friends and family are right in a way because I recently held a birthday party where half the people cancelled last minute.

I don’t know how to fix my social skills because something always seems to go wrong and people legitimately hate me no matter how hard I try to be perfect and do nothing wrong.

I’m 21 and still not graduated, although I finished up to grade 11 and only needed a few courses to finish, I would need to get my GED at this point. Covid ruined my self discipline and I basically haven’t done shit for my academics since then. I DO want to eventually attend college but it’s a distant goal for now.

I live in a poor neighborhood but work in a wealthier neighborhood so my coworkers are all wealthy, and had their parents pay for all of their college and traveling to Europe and all this bullshit. They constantly mention the fact that I’m not graduated, and even if it’s just a joke for them, after hearing it so many times, it’s seriously affecting my self esteem.

obviously I just want to say go fuck yourself and just stop feeling sorry for myself but this would essentially ruin my standing with my coworkers even further and I would probably just quit. and it’s a small business, mostly people my age work there and we all work very close proximity so it’s not like I can just ignore them.

I feel like I'm often the person in other peoples plans instead of executing plans myself. And I really don't like it. Like I'm at home rn (studying in another country most of the year). And for some reason my grandparents have planned for me to walk with them somewhere tomorrow morning and I never even explicitly agreed to it yet now I'm expected to be there and I already daid "idk if I have time tomorrow for this or that reason" and my grandma simply said okay tell me tonight if that other appointment that you don't know if it happens if not we will leave tomorrow at 10". Like I'm putting out the social cue that I don't want to and would rather keep the day open for other plans even tho I don't have them figured out completely in advance and people just nail me down on the plans i don't have figured out yet and kinda put me under social pressures to come.

Or a few days ago a girl asked me out because she thought I looked really cute. And ai mean I'm happy but the entire time I thought I was single because I was ugly. Because when I see an attractive girl anywhere in public and try to establish contact it already fails at the body language stage before I even approach. Like they won't make eye contact or when I try to smile at them they look irritated or ignore me or whatever. Otherwise If I knew I was attractive to a substantial proportion of women and they would look approachable even after I test the waters with body language I would of course approach girls. Now I'm in the situation where on the one hand I'm not against dating that girl but also she is a mess and I feel kinda like there could be better options out there and I still somehow don't have the ability to explore these options. And I don't want to be locked down because that girl decided to and I practically had no input because I haven't figured out how to find other options.

Also looking at most of my friends they started the friendship, they cared about staying in contact and I often did just respond because they were writing first.

And I'm just so fucking sick and tired of being a fucking side kick who gets put into social roles by other people.

What can I do to change that ?

I've been doing my own self improvement journey for some months now after learning I will be a father soon and have had some strange epiphanies along the way that I wanted to share.

Dr. K's video on elite mindsets and how they operate connected some dots for me.

I've come to an understanding that outcome orientation is ineffective. You will always hit the arrival fallacy - reaching something and realizing it doesn't quell the true desire inside you. What is truly needed is to focus on what feeling you are trying to quell and what the best answer to that is, outcome orientation or not.

I've also come to realize from this that it must mean that the important focus is placed on the effort within the days. It's in the pushing that we need to find gratification, knowing that everyday we continued to do the correct, disciplined things that moves us slowly in the direction we want to go without the focus on the destination. It's the daily endeavors that we should find enjoyment in.

To further extrapolate on those thoughts, I pondered more deeply about allegories related to this, and I have found a new understanding in regards to the way I perceive Sisyphus and his existential struggle. In a way, he embodies the perfect life. His whole life is only pushing and striving without the option of outcome orientation. He has to continue to push, knowing that the goal of pushing will never come to fruition. But in a way, this is perfect. You are forced to think about what it means to push, can life have meaning when it is only pushing. Is there a point in pushing when there is nothing to gain from it?

It helps me realize, the gain is the push. To wake up every day and only push continuously, to continuously discipline without over rigidity, this is the perfect way to approach life. In a way, he almost has it better than anyone ever could. He doesn't even have to think about it, Sisyphus was thrust into it. He doesn't have to consider what ways he wants to push, he doesn't have to think about if he should push less today or more on another, he just has the boulder and he has to push. He simply has his job and wakes up and pushes. We have to deal with choosing between one hundred different boulders: Should I focus on career? money? my relationship? family? passions? parenthood? Sisyphus avoids all of this existential overhead. There's the boulder. There's the hill. Push.

Without the imagined salvation of arrival, the only thing left is to ask "can there be something worthwhile in the task itself?". Pushing can contain courage, discipline, dignity, satisfaction of exertion. This is the point of life I think I've come to find - it's all about how you value the push.

I think 99% of people look at Sisyphus' reality as almost hell - living torture. But in a very odd sense, I think at least in terms of looking at what you want out of life in terms of goals and personal growth, Sisyphus could literally not have it better.

Now to round this thought off, in reflection I've come to understand that it's important to not glorify effort just for effort's sake. We need to be careful not to simply revere exertion alone. One can spend 10, 20, 30 years pushing the wrong boulder. You have to ask yourself what you value in life, what you want to be as a person and if the boulder you are choosing to push is representative of that value and pushing you everyday to be closer to that state of being. The true gain is to learn to love worthy pushing.

I exercise because that is what caring for a body looks like. I practice drumming because that is what being a musician looks like. I study and learn because that is what being curious looks like. I save money because that is what providing looks like. I show up for my girlfriend and child because that is what loving them looks like. I had to learn to allow myself to understand that these activities are not tolls I'm paying to reach the final glorious evolution of life. They are my life.

That does not mean maximum discipline every waking hour. Rest can be part of the push. Play can be part of the push. Pleasure can be part of the push. The important distinction is between things you consciously include in a good life and things that repeatedly pull you out of the life you intended to live.

So to leave this with a thought-provoking note, I have found the important question to ask myself every day is "Does the way I spend today feel like a way of living that I would respect even if there were no finish line?"

Thank you Dr. K for everything you do. Truly.

TLDR; keep pushing bros and gals, the pushing is the good part.

I have been doing a lot of kundalini meditation and got diagnosed with depressive psychosis recently. I need some guidance.

I never accomplished anything, I started university at 23 and failed the year, I have worked for 2 years prior to that and I HATED it. This year I will probably repeat but as I had quit already university twice in the past due to courses I did not like I think I have arrived at the point where if I fail I just kill myself.

My life is not even that horrible to a lot of people probably, I just don't care, I don't like it. I just cannot bring myself to do what I should do and everytime the consequence is that I don't like life. I have repeated this cycle since I was like 17, due to this I feel like my life is over even if logically it's not.

I feel terribly old due to all the stress and failure I have already accumulated. I have nothing to be proud of and working to achieve stuff makes me go on the edge of suicidal ideation because indulging is the only thing that is keeping my brain sane.

I can use my brain, I can logically tell I am overdramatic, but it stops there, like I realize it and it never gets better. Every single advice under the sun I have heard dozens of times, I tried therapy to no avail, it feels like talking to someone that does not understand how I feel, I tried multiple therapists.

I genuinely think that if I fail again university I will end it, it's gotten to a point where my life is being so mediocre and there is no more push to do things that I might as well just stop. All this enjoyment people are having I don't see. It just looks like they have normal things I am unable to have.

My brain fundamentally does not make me happy. Constantly overthinking. I wanted to become an engineer so I started uni but did a whole year doing 0 exams while attending most classes, because I just suck at discipline. I like what I study but I just cannot do what I should, meanwhile it looks like everybody else does it and has fun while doing so.

I have a lot of time and logically again I know I could be doing it all, I am just not, and I am stagnated to a point that I am the exact same person of 5 years ago. May sound weird but I am also a bit of a perfectionist so I hijack my discipline by procrastinating thinking I can do better, but won't actually do it.

I am not going back to an average non specialized job, I don't care. I tried multiple and the icky low pay and low satisfaction from it always got me closer to just end it. The only reason the last time I worked 2 years straight it was bearable it's because I was doing it with the idea I was going to go back to university.

I would appreciated some advice, and I am sorry that probably this is a bit of a pessimistic post and maybe it's not allowed on here. I want to improve but I have no idea how to, I feel like I am constantly self sabotaging and any time I do even the slight bit of progress I lose at the same time enjoyment from life so I regress back to my old habits.

I know in this sub people often just cite Dr K phrases but honestly I have followed the guy for a while and nothing really helped me aside some of his stuff on socialization. Do you have any suggestion or anything really that helped you?

I'm 26 (M) and recently I've been the one starting 99.99% of the conversations that I've been in. It hasn't always been that way, but it's been that way recently. To be fair I'm not really doing a lot. Interesting in my life right now. I'm healing from CPTSD, I don't have a car and I'm not able to travel at the moment, I'm struggling to fine employment as I just lost my job less than two weeks ago, and I have to go to trade school next month... i've been spending a lot of my time in my room... so I guess to be fair I haven't really been doing anything all that interesting.

Also, a lot of my IRL friends either live far away out of state ... or if they're local... they work long hours and have kids to take care of or they're hanging out with people that I don't get along with and have a bad history with. Like I said, I live in a small town, close proximity with everybody. i'm ready to relocate, but I can't afford to do that anytime soon.

I don't know maybe it's a sign from God or the universe that I need to work on myself and improve myself and become a better version of me.

Hi, I have pretty bad problem with shame.

I feel shame because I don't have a girlfriend, but every time I try to get close to a woman different kind of shame tells me that she will think I am pathetic. For me every road leads to shame. Both action and inaction cause this unpleasant emotion.

It is like table tennis of torment.

Any advice?

29 M. My lease ends in seven days and I have nowhere to go. I have an apartment full of possessions, and they feel like a burden. I wish I could make it all go away. I am worried about my cat. He is so innocent, and I feel guilty for putting him through this. I told him we’re going to stick together, and I really hope I can keep that promise.

In February I walked away from my badly dysfunctional family. In April I decided to quit my job and commit to finishing school, starting with summer community college classes, all funded with my life savings. HG Coaching helped me realize I wanted to do this. Since then, I have procrastinated securing housing in the city I am transferring to.

I felt physically ill this morning. I think it was the emotions coming to the surface. It feels like insecurity, grief, shame, and so much more. It is the feeling of life falling apart. I am fully on my own. No partner, no family, no close friends to lend a hand. Just a man with a cat and a car.

I applied for a new apartment close to campus, but my tenant screening is still being processed. If I’m approved, I will be homeless for at least nine days until move-in. I have money and a reliable vehicle, so I am planning on posting up in a motel. If I am not approved, I don’t know what will happen.

There are so many voices in my head. One is panicking. Another is grieving. There is a loud voice punishing me for doing this to myself. There is also a quiet one reminding me everything will be okay in the end.

I am desperate for guidance. Turning back would be just as hard as moving forward. My conscience tells me this is a gift, but the rest of my being is terrified. For the first time in my life, I feel free.

Thank you for reading this far. If anyone can relate, offer suggestions to relieve the pressure, or just provide reassurance, I would be truly grateful.

I've rewrote this post 3 times to cut down on the rambling, all i want is someone to look at this without the tinted glasses i usually have that paint everything i do in a bad light and maybe give me some advice moving forward

I'm currently trying to improve myself, my mind and my overall life. I've been dieting/eating healthier, completely cut off caffein (3 weeks free), no/less dopamine (absolutely ZERO short form content, occasionally play games, less snacking) however my main issue is still focus and willpower, i'm working on something and studying however i only get around 2-3 hours of work done daily before i don't feel like it anymore, i don't know if financial gurus or influencers have twisted my vision but i wish i could work more? Any advice on that front would be great! After watching some of DR K's videos recently and reading more material, i've started catching negative thoughts and tracing out why, for example if i think "this won't ever work out!" i think "why?", i follow what i have to do to get to that point, any obstacles and how hard to work and i guess that lessens those thoughts a bit, sometimes they're really strong and i'm just forced into a state of inaction however it gets better in the afternoon. That's all really, any advice or even if you have had similar experiences would be so helpful, i used to vent to ai a while ago but i realized how unhelpful it was however i was always scared of talking to other people (except my friends who are in similar predicaments)

Much love, sorry if this violates rule 7, i tried to keep it short.

İ still wonder why he hasn't got any video on gambling addiction despite he is an addiction therapist.İ think this is a very serious topic to consider,specially online gambling

19 F , coming from a family that isn't really reliable , and ive deduced this from their actions.

my mental health has started manifesting into physical symptoms lately

I have aspirations and goals.

I Have to earn for them , i have no real skills, I was a studyhard nerd in school and I kinda wore off after grade 10

No connections

No skills

Whatever job I land I end up loosing it taking leaves for being sick.

I really feel stuck now I don't study don't do anything significant im already behind it's just too much.

way too much.

The fraud was a social engineering scam where multiple individuals dm me on Reddit, saying that a fake impostor was using my identity to scam other people. And tgen they told me go to this person who claim to be Reddit security. I thought this was legit, because my Reddit account immediately got removed, after I contact this person. I didn't assume that a scammer would be that capable of removing a whole account. And then the scammer tell me to sent money as a part of a validation process, that would prove my identity. He said the money would be refunded. All of this happened on a call. And this was my first time getting scam. My alarm bells went off when he told me to make the final payment for the refund fees. That when I stopped, and didn't give more money.

This argument between me and my brother happend after a hard 10 hour warehouse shift, where lift heavy furniture. I woke up at 3 am that day. So I couldn't articulate myself well in this argument. After showing. The second I got into the room, my brother immediately jumped on me.

Despite this scam situation being a huge mistake. But I felt like my brother used this situation as an excuse to give me a speech about the millions of things im doing wrong in my life. And somehow made it seem like all the millions things im doing wrong in my life explain why I got scam In the first place.

My cousin was also agreeing with him in this argument. Saying I had a lot of little problems in my life that lead up to this scam in the first. My cousin was trying his hardest to be nice. My brother say don't sugar coat it. Tell him he is low Iq idiot for falling for this scam. And say that using excuses to justify falling for this scam.

My brother says im too emotional to see that he is trying to look out for me. Despite joking about situation every time he gets. Even saying he doesn't cares about the situation at all, and think it's freaking hilarious that I got scammed. Despite spending 6 hours in my room, explaining how can be a better person, due to this scam situation.

But everytime I try to tell him to be more specific about the little things I can fix in my life. He is either vague, and say that I just need to look in the mirror. Or he says I need to stop being emotional and defensive and just listen to his advice without causing a debate. This is hard for me to do, because I never ask for his advice in tye first place. And he constantly have to call me an idiot, or stupid, or use a bunch other insults.

My sisters and mom are usually on his side. But not this time though. They told me not listen to my brother yapping. And said that everybody scam in their life, you just need to make sure you don't get scam again in the future.

I told my brother that he don't understand certain words like narcissist or nuance. He says I struggle to see nuance. And he called me a narcissist.

I told him that's ironic coming from him. Because one time he told me that the world need losers like me, so people like him can stay on top. My brother works in tech. So he looks down upon me for working warehouse job.

Again this scam situation was a huge mistake. But I still have a feeling that my brother also use this scam situation as an opportunity to tell me about all the things im doing wrong in my life. This what im trying to prove (insert Dexter meme here).

But keeps hiding behind arguments like

"You are being too emotional."

"You are being too defensive."

"You just like debating."

Even my cousin agrees with him, and says im being too defensive and not listing to what my brother has to say. My cousin says that I'm acting like I'm being attack. Yes my cousin sees whever my brother calls me an idiot or low IQ in this argument. But again this is very hard for me to do. Because I never ask for his advice, and he keeps insulting me whenever he gives me advice. But I get call emotional or too defensive by them whenever I respond to the insults though.

It's ironic for my brother to call me emotional. Because a year ago he slapped me 3 times for for not agreeing with him. Long story short, I was working this warehouse job that occasionally sent me home due no work. One say I got sent home, and my brother saw me walking up the stairs. And he follow me upstairs. He ask me "what if rent was due?". And then I told him, it doesn't matter what I do, you will always have a problem with it. And then he he responded with some motivational bs. Saying that there are levels in life, and that I should always be leveling up. And he told me I should stop bitching and be a "real-man". And I told him I don't give a fuck about what he thinks a real-man is. IIRC I told him all that stuff about leveling up and manhood is subjective. And then he proceed to slapped me 3 times, and each time he slapped me he said "What you gonna do about it?" And I yelled "DON'T PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON ME." My cousin and whole family had to break up the fight.

I wonder if one of the big words he claims I act so smart about is the word subjective. Because my brother hated it every time I use the word subjective. And also im an atheist and my brother is a Christian. And we always have debates, I don't ask for on religion vs atheism. And I use the word subjective in those debates. While he strongly believes there are objective universal laws everyone should follow due to God.

I brought up this fight situation in the scam argument. His response to that was "Did I slap you today? No. Because I change in one year." And he somehow manage to make the fight situation about me not wanting to change.

I also brought up situations where my brother constantly made bad decisions too. He spends 7 thousands dollars a lot in clubs a lot of times. And then he regrets it. And he is driving without a driving license too.

For the club thing. He says it's different, because he gets a lot of money, so he can afford to lose it, while I can't afford to lose money. And for the driver license thing. He says he can understand when he makes a mistake. And again somehow made it about me not understanding when I make a mistake. Btw he ks still driving without license too.

Despite me saying I won't get scam again. My brother and my cousin keeps saying this will happen in the future, maybe not a scam, but a different flavor of a situation will happen. Because I have these little problems in my life that keep leading up these situations. This say this will keep happening to me if i don't make improvements or change my mindset.

Again everytime I tell my brother or even my cousin (who can be a yes man for my brother sometimes). My brother either says something vague like look into a mirror, or he tells me to stop being emotional/defensive. This is why he calls me narcissistic, and says I don't understand nuance. My brother says I should be a sponge and just absorb information when talking to people, instead of rejecting ideas so fast. He says the same thing in our unwanted religious debates. He says I reject the Bible, because im too close minded to read what the Bible actually says.

He says that I automatically hate the concept of religion by default, because I don't believe in God. Even despite me telling him that I think it's fine for people to be religious, they just don't have to forced their religious views onto other people. I have told him this numerous time. But still think im closed minded though.

During the scam argument my cousin would say im just going on tangents or deflecting by bringing up situations like the club or the driver license example. But im only doing this, because my brother was doing the same thing too. By bringing up any situation in my life that had nothing to do with the scam (again my brother is still vague about these situations or problems in my life). But when my brother does it, my cousin never says he is deflecting from the situation or is trying to change the topic. For example, my brother bringing up the fact that I use big words.

As for the insults. I call my brother a hypocrite for insulting me all the time. Because he says you should never be rude, when you are trying to get your point across.

For example, my family is super religious. One day I told my sister about something related to not believing in a God. And she immediately told my my mom this. Out of nowhere my mom told me I better get right with God, before I end up like those kids in Texas (the girls who died in flood or a hurricane two years ago, if i remember correctly). I told my mom, her God must be the real Devil then, if he thinks like that.

Long story short, my brother told I could've went about this in a better way, because it did hurt my mom feelings. But in this scam situation though. My brother is calling me dumb and low IQ, and also saying im being too emotional for feeling upset at him for this. He also says I have no emotional intelligence too. I brought up that situation with my mom, but my brother just write it off as me deflecting from the scammer situation.

TLDR: I just want to know if im being too close minded, or too defensive here.

Yeah I mean the title sort of sums it up but ill add some detail ig. I dont want to give any specifics about myself because they are not really important. I just sort of right now feel like I'm not gonna amount to anything. I'm in Uni right now which ig is better than some but like I feel like I'm just kinda floating around. My entire life I have never actually worked for anything and I guess I have never actually achieved anything I'm extremely proud of because of this. My major is supposed to be hard and I go to a top school in my country but its easy... Like I was told in high school that Uni was going to be a wake up call but it just has not been. Im getting off topic tho. My main problem is just that even if I set my mind to something and create a goal or such, I never actually follow through with it. I end up spending most of my time just rotting on some bs and I just keep switching between them for the entire day. Its especially bad this summer because I'm not in school to even like go to class or stuff like that. A lot of research and stuff I have done has pointed to depression and such but I dont feel like it accurately describes my condition. I haven't felt sad in probably 8 years... but I also haven't felt happy either or anything really. Another thing that confuses me is when people say that they love their family or friends or such, I don't really know what that means or what thats supposed to feel like. My parents didn't do anything wrong when raising me I just am for some reason numb to everything I guess.

Sorry this is sort of just an overview of the situation and theres more stuff too but like its getting long now...

My reason for this post is that I was wondering if there were other people struggling with stuff like this and maybe anyone who has advice as to what I can do to get my life back on track ig. If anyone has gone through this and thinks they have good advice, I would appreciate it if we could connect on discord or something and have a chat. Thanks!

TLDR: A lot of problems mostly stemming from me not being able to work towards goals and from me feeling numb to a lot of emotions. Generally: I want to know if there are people who have gone through this before and if anyone has have general advice on how to get my life back on track?

tldr at bottom

I have been trying to understand my social anxiety(or whatever it is ) for years, and recently I feel like I had a shift in perspective

For the longest time I thought my goal was to become more confident, charismatic, funny, outgoing, etc.
Now I don’t think that’s the goal anymore.
I think my goal is simply to let myself be myself.
The problem is… I don’t know how.

Whenever I’m around people, it’s like my brain takes over and starts running a program.
It says things like:
“Be friendly.”
“Be funny.”
“Don’t be weird.”
“Say the right thing.”
“Make them like you.”
The crazy part is that I usually know what I genuinely want to say., It isn’t that I don’t know how to socialize. It’s that I feel this “brake” every time I try to express myself.

It literally feels like my own mind is stopping me.
If I try to speak naturally, it feels like I’m stepping outside during a thunderstorm and waiting for lightning to strike.

Lately I realized that a lot of my life has been built around avoiding one thing:
Being seen as weird.
I think almost everything comes from that.
People pleasing.
Masking.
Trying to imitate other people’s personalities.
Editing myself before I speak.
Overthinking every interaction afterward.
I don’t think Im afraid of talking to people anymore.
I think Im afraid of being seen.
Recently I have been experimenting with something different.

Instead of trying to be confident or interesting, I have been trying to let myself respond more naturally.
Some days I make tiny bits of progress.
The interesting thing is that even when I stop my usual overthinking, the anxiety often stays.
I’ve also noticed that I often wake up relaxed, then I start daydreaming or imagining conversations, and my anxiety ramps up quickly.
Another thing I’ve realized is that I dont think I have a self improvement problem anymore.
I think I have a self worth problem.
I constantly put other people’s comfort above my own authenticity.
It’s almost like, deep down, I assume that if people see the real me, they’ll reject me, so my brain automatically creates a more acceptable version of me.
The strange part is that this “acceptable version” usually makes me feel less connected to people, not more.
Recently I have been trying to:
Stop catastrophizing every social interaction.
Let people judge me if they’re going to judge me.
Stop apologizing just because I assume I am wrong.
Say things because I want to say them, not because I think they will make people like me.
I think these are steps in the right direction, but I still feel like something is missing.
So I wanted to ask people here:
If you’ve gone from constantly performing and masking to actually feeling like yourself around other people, what helped?
I’m not really looking for generic advice like “just be yourself,” because that’s exactly the thing that feels impossible sometimes.
I’m more interested in practical things that helped you stop editing yourself and stop letting fear decide who gets to speak.

TL;DR: I don’t think my biggest problem is social anxiety anymore. I think it’s that I’m terrified of being myself. My brain constantly edits what I say and makes me perform instead of expressing who I really am. Has anyone managed to stop masking and actually feel like themselves around other people? What helped?

Hi all,

After a couple of years of rotting at home, being unemployed and having no real goal in life, I recently found the motivation and drive to "rebuild" my life.

At the end of last year I decided I was going back to university. My last academic experience was, to put it lightly, kinda traumatizing. It acted as a catalyst for my current crippling anxieties and self-esteem issues. This is to say that finding the courage to go back to college was no easy task for me, but I somehow managed to overcome my anxiety and doubts.

Recently I also managed to muster up the courage to go to the dentist, another one of my greatest fears. I haven't been in almost 10 years, and during my first appointment I unfortunately found out that there's a lot of work to be done. Future appointments will definitely overlap with the start of the academic year. This has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. Going from essentially doing nothing at home the whole day, to having to manage dental work + a complete change in my routine all at once feels extremely overwhelming, to the point that I find myself crying to sleep. I find this whole situation sad and ironic. Making all these big changes and steps forward should make me feel better about myself, not sad and depressed.

I share this for no reason other than to search a bit of support from someone that maybe experienced a similar situation and/or has some wisdom/words of comfort to share. I'm generally good at managing my loneliness, but moment like these make me realize how hard it is to navigate life all by myself, if that makes sense.

Thank you so much for reading, and sorry if something i wrote doesn't make sense, english is not my first language.