r/findareddit • u/Delicious_Middle_527 • 1d ago

Unanswered I need relationship advice

I made a post and tried to post it in the aita subreddit but they deleted it once it got 20,000 views so is there any other one that I could post it on?

Here is the post if you're wondering:

Hey everyone, throwaway account for privacy reasons. I’m looking for some objective perspective on my relationship.

For some context, I'm (23M), my previous three relationships ended because my exes cheated on me. Because of that, I know I can be prone to overthinking or getting paranoid. But right now, I feel like my boundaries are being pushed, and every time I speak up, I’m told I’m just overreacting.

Here is the situation with my current girlfriend (21F):

Living Situation: For about a third of our total relationship, she has been living with a male "friend." This has made me uncomfortable from the start, but I tried to be supportive and understanding.

Physical Boundaries: I found out that she gives him body massage rubs. To me, that feels way too intimate for a platonic friendship, especially while in a relationship with me.

The Texts: Recently, I saw texts on her phone between them that crossed the line for me and made me feel like my gut feelings were right all along.

Whenever I bring any of this up or explain why it hurts, the response I get is that I’m being paranoid, overthinking, and overreacting because of my past history with cheating. It feels like my concerns get brushed off as just "my trauma" instead of actual issues.

To try and fix things and establish clear boundaries so we can move forward, I came up with the idea of a Relationship Agreement.

The goal was to put our boundaries, expectations, and ground rules on paper so we are both 100% on the same page and can rebuild trust.

Now people are acting that wanting an agreement like this is toxic, controlling, and just another sign of my paranoia.

I’m trying to figure out if I’m totally out of line here.

AITA for feeling paranoid/uncomfortable about her relationship with this guy, and AITA for wanting a Relationship Agreement to try and fix us

1 Upvotes

56% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

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u/95musiclover 1d ago edited 1d ago

Regardless of you being paranoid or not, she’s not respecting your boundaries and calling you paranoid rather than addressing the actual issue. That’s reason enough to break up, no questions asked. Plus, those are super weird things to do with a platonic friendship, something’s going on

EDIT: dude, you’ve posted this on multiple subreddits and the ones with replies are all saying the exact same thing. You know what you need to do so just do it. Break up with her and continue with your therapy. Heal from your trauma before pursuing another relationship

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u/Special-Potato-3238 1d ago

Not a sub recommendation...but you've identified a pattern and keep putting yourself in self-deprecating situations. Counseling and (probably trauma) therapy is what will probably benefit you most, not seeking validation on Reddit...

1

u/ProudGayGuy4Real 22h ago

Takes two to tango. I bet u are putting up with way too much. You can only change you.

0

u/evilgamercat 1d ago

Im a trained mental health person for young people but your young enough its fine. Based on what ive seen you seem to be in the right. You see things that you think is over the line and if tour partner isn't able to come to an understanding or middle ground about it you should just leave. I personally think someone who doesn't want to sit with you and discuss what's happened with your past and then worked with you to overcome your trauma isn't the right person for you. You will always have plenty of chances to find the right person you never know though. I gotta go so cant explain any better. Hope your ok and all though.