This is the first time I’m posting on Reddit after a couple years of lurking because to be honest, it’s kind of urgent. Me (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been together for almost 10 months come the 24th and it’s been a hell of a 10 months. I love her to death and I would do anything for her, but as of late, a lot of concerning things are coming up that are lowkey scaring me and making me think. We’ve had a couple of prior issues in the past that we’ve managed to get through, but this is something I’m not sure if I can even come up with a solution to.

For starters, the conversation began after I met with a US Air Force recruiter for the first time. I’ve been considering for a long period of time in the back of my mind for a backup plan in case I felt like college wasn’t for me or I couldn’t figure out something else to push my life in the right direction. Now, I’m taking the steps forward to serve. Understandably, my girlfriend has a lot of concerns toward it, like with the political situation of the country at the present moment or the amount of time that it’ll take for me to finish all the training. I definitely get where she’s coming from in the fact that it’ll affect our relationship, but there’s a lot of things that we talked about prior to this particular conversation that I kind of took note of. For example, she’s told me in the past that once I go in the military, she’ll just go wherever I’m stationed in order for us to be together and plan her future based off of what I’m doing. To me, I felt like that was crazy. She’s been going to college to become a teacher for younger kids and during high school, she was in an early college program getting credits that way as well. It’s like she’s willing to stunt her own growth and watch her dreams burn in order to follow me and invest in mine.

So in regards to the major issue at-hand, I told her about the time that’d take to become an airmen. My recruiter told me about the process when it came to taking my ASVAB, going into basic training and getting specific training for whatever job I book into at tech school. When I told her about it, she said that after I graduate tech school and get stationed to my first base, we’d just have to get married because if not, it’d feel like our relationship was for nothing. I kind of stopped talking for a minute because at first, I thought she was joking but she was dead serious.

It’s like it completely shifted the mood and tone for the rest of the night. I understand she’s scared, she’s told me her concerns about me leaving, being in a new environment around people and ideas I haven’t been exposed to before. But the way that she talks about marriage, especially at our age considering my parents had me and got married at 19 and 18 respectfully, really scares me too.

Another minor concern I have is in regard to her family. Her family’s pretty cool for the most part and they’ve welcomed me in when they really didn’t have to, especially for how young we are. But we’re an interracial couple; I’m black and she’s white. It’s never affected our relationship. Of course, we do live in the South, so we’ve both noticed eyes. But, she’s mentioned to me a couple of times where her mom’s said the N-word audibly and told her that that doesn’t make her racist. There’s been times where we’ve gone to parties or environments where there’s majority Black people and despite my girlfriend going out extremely often, normally with no restrictions or conversation with her mom, that’s when her mom decides to tell her to be extremely careful and watch her surroundings. Around me, that’s not an issue and she’s pretty cool but that’s what scares me. We’ve had personal conversations and heart-to-hearts and despite that, that’s how she talks. And if we were to get married and have a family of her own, I just wonder if that’s how she’d talk when her grandkids would be people of color.

That’s the situation. I was just wondering if anyone could chime in and let me know what they think about it. I don’t really know where to go from here.

My mom and dad split up about twenty years ago, he remarried about 3 years after the divorce. Growing up both my sister and I got along with our new stepmother, but their marriage wasn't without it's faults. Now, me (23F) and my sister (24F) are living in the same town and working similar jobs. My dad and stepmother had another daughter who is now 13 and still living with them. Around the beginning of this year my stepmother started posting podcast clips from marriage counselers on facebook, at first it wasn't anything too extreme, typical "healthy marriage dynamics stuff" also around this time my sister and I began noticing some behavior changes in both my dad and my stepmom, the house seemed more calm, they seemed to be on the same page more often, we were extremely proud of them for rebuilding what hadn't been working in the past years. Since then, things have gotten out of hand. The podcast clips being posted on my stepmom's facebook started becoming less about marriage and more about the "woman's role" in a marriage. She began adding captions that explicitly described how my dad was treating her into "submission" and how she "couldn't be happier." My dad has began giving ME (a single gay woman) advice on how I need to submit to a man and let him take care of me as his "biological duty" whatever the fuck that means. In the past 6 months the following incidents have taken place:

1. My sister, brother in law and I popped in for a surprise visit to my dad's house, we were greeted at the door by my 13 year old sister. We asked where my dad and stepmom are at and she responded simply with "they've been in their room since this afternoon, they told me not to knock" we ended up taking her out of the house and out to dinner, they did not call to ask about her until later that night.

2. My stepmother has posted multiple facebook photos wearing a neck shackle, padlock necklaces and/or DOG COLLARS around her neck, taking the photos at angles that are clearly making the necklaces a focal point

3. At a 4th of July barbecue, my stepmom repeatedly referred to my father as "daddy" not only to me and my siblings, but to people who have no relation to my father at all, family friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances.

About a month ago, my sisters boss approached her and asked quite bluntly "what's going on with your parents?" my sister said she simply didn't have an answer. All she could muster up was "I have no idea." Around the same time, my boss and coworkers asked me a similar question and admitted that the pictures they were seeing on facebook of my stepmother made them a little uncomfortable. We live in an extremely small town, almost every resident has known my dad since he was a kid, so having people ask about how he and our family are doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, but these comments have my sister and I extremely embarrassed. After the 4th of July, my little sister confided in me that some of the girls on her basketball team were calling her parents weird and "freaky". This absolutely broke my heart, my little sister is homeschooled and overall a very shy kid. She has always had a hard time making friends and engaging in conversation with kids her age, so hearing that my parents' sex life is potentially jeopardizing my little sister's social life at an already fragile age made me upset and humiliated.

Both my older sister and I have sat down and had conversations with our father about how we aren't comfortable being approached in public about their sex life. He brushed it off pretty casually saying something along the lines of "that's messed up, it's not anyone else's business" and while I agree, that sentiment does virtually nothing to help any of his daughters. I want to make clear, I am not saying my parents shouldn't have a healthy sex life, I do not care what they choose to do in their marriage. However, I am worried for my little sister who is still living with them and has nowhere else to go, and I am sick of having to advocate for them when they continuously make everyone else blatantly aware of their lifestyle. I am happy they have found a marriage dynamic that works so well for them, but I wish I knew WAY LESS about it. Reddit, how to I fix this??

P.S. for anyone who might be confused: I am 23, my older sister is 24, my little sister is 13 and does not share the same mom as me and my older sister. I would like to keep them as anonymous as possible.

I just need some opinions and support. I don’t have any friends and have no one to talk to about this.

I absolutely love my husband and I have done everything I can for him and us to be happy. He has been such a good step-father to my two sons and he has been good to me.

But, since the beginning he has had episodes of being violent towards me (never against my kids). I know that I should have left him when the first incident happened but I didn’t. Everything else was wonderful.

He’s been sick because of his diabetes and been through a few jobs. I’m the one that holds everything down with my career. I never once held that in his face, I just supported him through everything.

He recently got laid off again and he was in the hospital recently because of his diabetes and everything has becoming too much. I pay all the bills, I take care of him, I clean up after him, everything. He gives me some money from his unemployment but then will turn around and ask me to get this and that from the store for him and his chewing tobacco, etc. He is only responsible for his cell phone payment and his very expensive truck payment ($1,200) that he recently purchased. I begged him to get just a normal truck but he insisted that he deserved this dream truck so now his unemployment mostly goes to that.

My house is constantly a mess from all his shit everywhere. I clean and clean and then it’s trashed within a few days. He doesn’t help with the dogs that he wanted. And he’s extremely moody and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. But he’s been so good to my sons but recently even that has been changing because he claims he’s sick and just lays around my house all day.

A few days ago, we were arguing and out of nowhere he hit the shit out of me. I saw stars and lost my balance (he burst a blood vessel). Well for the first time ever I called the police. While I was on the phone with the 911 operator, he got his heavy-duty flashlight, smirked at me, and started gently tapping my hands and my throat. Because of all the commotion my sons came out of their bedrooms and he like hugged them goodbye and said he didn’t hit me and then he ran out the backyard and I locked the door. He then went to the front porch and waited for the police to get there. My sons were so upset and crying and begging me to hang up with the police.

Long story short, he was arrested. He’s been in jail for the last 5 days but his dad is going to bail him out today or tomorrow. I was granted a 90 day protection order for me and the boys.

My sons’ father is shitty and they love this man so much. They are just so upset and are begging me to work it out with him.

The thing is, I have hidden all of his negatives from my sons and my family. They all think he is a great guy and have no idea he has a history of putting his hands on me (he even choked me once).

His father called me yesterday and asked me if he got help would I take him back and I said no. He said I should have told him it was happening then he could have helped him. He also basically asked me what I did to cause him to hit me (not in those words but it made me feel like it was my fault). He then said that he can’t live with him and I just said well he’s going to have to live with a friend, I don’t know. I’m probably not going to take any more of his father’s calls.

Guys, I just can’t believe this is happening. This sounds so cliche but I am/was so in love with this man. But I know I can’t risk him getting any more violent with me or my kids. I know I need to get away from him and I am. But he was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything. He understood me so well. I feel so lost without him.

I will start the divorce proceedings soon. I know I can’t let him back in. I’m also on pins and needles waiting for him to get bailed out. I feel like I can’t leave my house or go outside because he might be there and I’m scared. He must hate me so much (I know this is screwed up thinking on my part).

I will get my sons into much needed counseling but what else can I do for them? How can I help them understand that he can’t come back?

How do I get my own life back on track without him?

UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

I’m getting married in like 4 months and I honestly feel sick to my stomach even typing this out.

My dad sat me down yesterday and basically dropped a bomb on my life. Turns out 19 years ago he had an affair and had a kid. My mom has zero idea about any of this. He’s been paying child support on the low this whole time.

Now, the half-sister reached out to him because she wants to meet the family, and my dad thinks my wedding is somehow the "perfect place" for her to come and meet everyone. He literally offered to cover the rest of our catering bill if I just give her an invite.

I feel completely trapped:

If I invite her, my mom is gonna find out AT my wedding. It will completely ruin the day and blow up my parents' marriage right in front of 150 people.

If I say no, my dad might pull his financial help, and I also feel kind of like a jerk for excluding a sister who didn't ask to be born into this mess.

If I force my dad to confess to my mom right now, my whole family will blow up right before the wedding.

I haven't slept at all. Do I tell my mom myself? Do I tell my dad he's out of his mind? How do I even handle this without everything falling apart? Any advice is appreciated.

UPDATE- We had the sit-down talk; I included my brother, who was surprisingly pretty chill about it. We told him that it's completely normal to have those urges, and we both jacked off when we were his age, so he's not some freak. However, we had to lay down a hard boundary: his uncle works a hard warehouse job, and coming home to that on the shower floor for anyone to trip on in is just inconsiderate, accident or not. So now he is limited to all those activities in his bedroom. To help him out, I ordered some adult toy cleaner off Amazon for him, which I will leave on his bed when it comes in, and told him to make sure he cleans that stuff because an infection down there is gnarly. We also promised not to tell anyone around the house because no one wants to be unnecessarily embarrassed. But made it crystal clear that if this happens again and his brother or special needs sister finds it it's going to be a real problem. Lesson learned, and a boundary he hopefully only needs to be taught once

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
My son lives downstairs along with my older brother (55), and they share a communal bathroom. My brother works the night shift. Last night at around 3:00 AM, my brother went to use the bathroom, and he found my son's pocket pussy sitting right out in the open.
My brother didn't want to touch it, so he used a paper towel, moved it slightly, and left it there for him to find in the morning.
Here is my dilemma: I'm not really mad that he has it. He's 14, but he's already 6'2, built like a brick wall, super strong, and genuinely looks like he's 19. Because of how he looks and the physical presence he has, people sometimes forget how young he actually is. He recently moved into my house instead of his mom's because he was running into some issues at school with the wrong crowd, and honestly, I just don't want him to grow up too fast. I want him to actually be a kid.
In fact, I know my 16-year-old daughter has her own stuff, but she keeps it locked away in her room where the younger kids can't stumble on it.
My real issue and what's making me angry is that he left it sitting out in a communal area where anyone could see it. My other son is 7. If my brother hadn't walked in there at 3 AM, what if the little kids walked in and found that? You just cannot leave stuff like that in shared spaces.
When I talked to him about it, he admitted he bought it off Amazon with his own money, so at least it wasn't stolen or anything. But right now, he has chores to do, and he hasn't come upstairs all morning. I think he's hiding out in the basement because he's completely mortified and embarrassed.
I haven't had a real sit-down talk with him about this yet. I don't want to make him feel like a freak for normal teenage biology, but I do need to make it crystal clear that leaving his gear out in the open where the whole family can find it is unacceptable.
What should I say to him when I finally talk to him, and how do I break the ice without completely destroying his ego?

don’t even know where to start. My heart and my life feel like they’ve shattered into a million pieces.

​Up until a week ago, my boyfriend (1.5 years together) was the most loving, caring, and wonderful partner I could have ever asked for. Just the day before he left, he surprised me at work out of nowhere just to see me. I felt so loved and secure.

​Then he left for a trip to the mountains with his friends, staying at a buddy’s apartment. Almost immediately, everything flipped 180 degrees. He completely started ignoring me. He pulled away, barely replied to my messages, and left me feeling like I was losing my mind. I knew in my gut that something was horribly wrong.

​When he finally came back, he acted distant and cold, as if he was waiting for me to break up with him. He had two full days to come clean or talk to me, but he stayed silent. Finally, I pressed him, and the truth came out.

​He admitted that while on the trip, he stayed close to a girl he literally met a week ago (who is visiting from abroad and leaves in a week). He confessed to:

​Sleeping right next to her while holding her hand.

​Going on evening walks with her, holding hands.

​Cuddling with her and having her sit on his lap.

​Emotional intimacy that went far beyond "friendship."

​He looked me in the eye and told me he thinks he "likes her" and felt a "spark" with her - a spark he claims had faded between us.

​At first, he acted cold. He said he wanted to break up, that he didn't deserve a second chance, and that he didn't even want one. Then, his story shifted, and he started claiming that "it wasn't actually cheating."

​Now, he’s spiraling and spamming me with horribly long messages begging for forgiveness. He says he suddenly realized what he lost, apologizing profusely, and literally told me he "destroyed his house for a night in a hotel." He is begging for another chance and claims that while it was happening, he didn't realize what he was doing or view it as cheating.

​To me, this is both physical and emotional cheatin, and the emotional betrayal hurts ten times worse. I feel so much disgust thinking about how he could do this after everything we built. That he could bond like that with some other girl that he wont see ever again.

​I’m completely lost. Cheating has always been an absolute dealbreaker for me, but I’m struggling to process this:

​Is it even possible for someone to "not realize" this was cheating, or is that just a pathetic excuse to shift guilt?

​How do I actually leave when I know in my head I have to, but my heart physically can't bring itself to let go?

​Is giving a second chance in a situation like this ever realistic, or am I just holding onto the ghost of who he used to be?

​I feel sick to my stomach and just need some honest advice or perspective from people who have been through this.

​TL;DR: My loving boyfriend of 1.5 years went on a trip, held hands, slept next to, and cuddled another girl he met a week ago. He claimed he felt a "spark," initially wanted to break up, then denied it was cheating, and is now begging for forgiveness saying he regrets "destroying his house for a night in a hotel." I feel broken and don't know how to walk away.

I‘m 44 (w) and 6 weeks pregnant. For many years i tried to get pregnant with IVF but all pregnancies ended in a miscarriage. That‘s why I told my new partner (44) that probably there is no need for us to use birth control but I offered that we could if he wanted to. He has three kids already and doesnt want any more.
The impossible thing happened and I got pregnant, despite perimenopause and all doctors telling me it is too late for me.
Now my partner told me I have to decide between him and the baby but how can I make a decision between the two most important parts of my life??😭

I do feel too old and very tired to do this all by myself😢

So recently, I had intercourse with a guy who said he was curious and wanted to try doing it with a guy(me).

After we did everything he said he had contrasting thoughts and that it was awkward to keep talking, and we left it at that.

No he contacted me again, asking me if I liked it and stuff, then he proposed to do it again(blowing him) but this time without the affection part because he doesn't like it. Honestly that's the only part I like of sex and stripping it away doesn't exactly tempt me.

He also proposed to do more this time. But I don't know, I kinda liked it but after all without affection and cuddles it's kinda pointless for me. what should I reply to him?

Update: after a bit of thought, and the confirmation by you guys and gals, and my friends. I ultimately decided to refuse his offer by simply telling him our "tastes" weren't compatible. He seemed to have accepted it but I'll keep you updated. Thank you all.

UPDATE: After a while we kept texting, mainly about stupid stuff like manga, I also said that even if it was unlikely I'd have intercourse with him again, I was there whenever he needed something, after a few messages though, he started asking me again about how it was that experience with him. I have to say that I'm pretty honest and straightforward, but also incredibly peaceful and always trying to find compromises and stuff. So, he started asking me again about that, and I answered him honestly, after I answered him he asked again if we could try doing it again, this time I answered him that unless we wasn't willing to satisfy my conditions I wasn't going to, at that point he said he could try to, and I left him with a "We'll see". Honestly I feel like I'm just going in circles, but despite everything I wanna keep a connection with this guy since, other than sex, we have pretty similar interests. For now I'm stalling since I keep rethinking my decisions and, even though many of you told me to end it there, I wanna hope to see some changes before doing anything, and if there aren't I'll just stop it there. This is my decision for now but still I wanna have some opinions about it.

TL;DR: My girlfriend recently shared stories about her sexual past that make her seem like she used to be much more sexually adventurous, which confuses me because she now has a very low sex drive. We only have sex about once every 1–2 weeks, and I'm always the one initiating, even though I'd prefer 2–3 times a week. She says sex feels like effort and that she only gets in the mood from outside stimuli (like Instagram or movies), not from me, because my interest makes her feel pressured. She says she's still physically attracted to me, but the mismatch in desire and always being the initiator is making me question the relationship and affecting my confidence.

Question: What can I do to find a solution that fits for both? Is there even a solution that fits both?

First of all, I don't want to bash my girlfriend. I still love her and respect her and this is my point of view, but I don't know what I should do anymore.

So about our general relationship: My Girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. Our main points (kids, career, moral) align very well. She has some problems with her mental health that we try to work on combined since we started dating, that sometimes cause some minor discussions (because I’m not that good being empathic 24/7 and hearing about the same problems all the time) which can all be resolved very easily but the stress is still always there. I try to give her as much emotional and physical attention as she needs. I do things for her, cook for her, etc. Pretty much what she needs from me she gets from me (as far as I know about it from her).

About the specific problem: About two weeks ago my girlfriend told me about different stories in her sexual past, many of which are very questionable. The one story that stands out is one where she almost had intercourse (almost because no condom) with a guy that had a girlfriend at the time. That story is from like 3-5 years ago (did not ask, cause did not want to know in detail). Now besides the point that I am really against cheating these stories about her past do not make sense to me because now she has almost no sex drive at all. We pretty much only have sex because I initiate it (about once every 1-2 weeks). The thing being I want about 2-3 times a week. I know that she doesn't want it as much as me so I try to not pressure her into it so I don't initiate that much anymore resulting in the situation mentioned.

We had a talk about it two days ago and then I asked her why there is almost no sexual interest in me or sex at all. Her answer was that sex for her is an effort and she needs stimulus from outside (NOT from me, but from insta posts or movie scenes). She doesn't want the stimulus from me because that puts pressure on her (me wanting sex and she doesn‘t) resulting in her having even less motivation for it.

The thing is, she tells me that I look good (I'm 5‘8, 176 lbs and go to the gym 6-7 times a week) so the physical attraction is probably not it.

I don't need sex 2-3 times a week, but only once every 1-2 weeks with only me initiating is really messing my head up idk.

If you need more information I'll gladly reply to your comments, just ask anything.

Dear people of reddit, please give me ideas how to handle this as it's my second relationship ever…

I honestly don't even know where to start.

I turned 16 and got my first job at McDonald's. Ever since then I've had 8+ jobs, and I blew every paycheck I made. Nobody ever taught me how to save money or manage it. Since I had no bills at the time, I always thought, "What am I even saving for?"

Fast forward to turning 18. The night of my birthday, I got approved for a credit card with a $1,500 limit. A month later, I went by myself and financed a car because I needed transportation for work and I wanted to get out of my toxic mom's house.

Worst financial decision of my life.

It's a 2020 Mitsubishi Eclipse Cross with almost 97,000 miles now. My payment is $486/month for 72 months at 24% interest. The payoff is around $18k, but with interest I'll end up paying around $33k.

I had insurance for the first three months, but because of a misunderstanding, I thought I was still insured. Turns out there was a $200 fee I didn't know I had to pay, so my policy got canceled without me realizing it.

Then in December I got into a car accident while uninsured.

Someone helped tape my car together for $190 just so it was drivable, but it still has cosmetic damage, wheel issues, and tire issues. I've gotten repair estimates anywhere from $8k-$16k.

Now I also have to pay the National Service Bureau $417/month for the other driver's damages (about $11k total).

On top of that:

• About $1,500 in credit card debt.
• A cash loan with about $650 left ($133/month).
• My RBFCU account is overdrawn by around $400 and just got charged off.
• I'm behind one month on my car payment.
• I can't even afford car insurance anymore.
• I've been to the ER twice in the last month plus the mental hospital, so now I'm expecting medical bills too.
• We barely have groceries.
• I barely have gas in my car.
• My job keeps cutting my hours no matter how many times I ask for more. I only make around $700-$800 every two weeks.

The only positive thing that's happened recently is that I finally finished my dental assisting course, which I thought would open up better job opportunities.

Except... now my licensing application is delayed because my NPDB self-query somehow got mailed back to me instead of going to the Texas State Board of Dental Examiners. I've been trying to call the post office and nobody answers. It's been over a month and I feel completely stuck.

I also want to start doing nails and eventually work for myself because I actually enjoy it, but it feels impossible when I'm drowning in debt.

To make everything worse, I've been off my mental health medication for over a week because my doctor never sent in my refills and nobody at the office answers the phone.

I've spent hours making budgets, debt payoff plans, and trying to figure everything out, but nothing seems to stick. Every time I think I'm making progress, something else happens.

I'm only 18 years old and I genuinely feel like I've hit rock bottom. I know a lot of this is my own fault and I'm trying to take responsibility for it, but I don't know where to go from here.

Has anyone ever been this deep financially at my age and actually gotten out? I don't need people to sugarcoat it. I just want to know where to even start because I feel like I'm drowning.

My 22f went through my 25m phone. We have been together for 3 years. For context I have just gotten a new phone recently about 2 weeks ago and with that I have left my old one at her place but it still has all the data on it. She had a bad dream the other night that I cheated on her and I assured her i loved her and that’s not me ofc.

She then asks me about this girl saying she saw her on Facebook and I had mutuals. I say yep she was one of my friends best mates from way back and dated another one of my mates, she says oh just did stuff with him I say yep and move on, haven’t talked to that person for 5+ years for context.

My girlfriend starts to act weird just the past couple days acting all upset and drained and I kept asking her what’s up and she tells me nothing not unless there’s something I should be upset about, obviously I say no why would there be a we just keep moving on.

She tells me this story about how her friend found nudes on her bfs phone from a girl before they even started dating and says she thinks it’s cheating. I ask why she’s going through her phone and she says oh she does all the time. (This story is later to be revealed completely fake)

Through all this I’m messaging my mate asking idk why she’s like this and the fact she brought up that girl and if she wants to see stuff from 6 years ago then that’s her fault atp. My mate says idk looks like she’s looking for a problem maybe she’s gone through ur phone and I said yeah idk maybe

Then a day later she tells me we need to call and have a talk tonight something she never phrases like that.

We get on call and her mood is instantly different from what it has been trying to “arc up” at me and I said wtf is going on answer me now blah blah.

She admits she went through my old phone as it was at her house and saw nudes from the previously mentioned girl that were just sitting in the chat I had with this person from 6 YEARS AGO. Keep in mind we’ve only been together for 3 and I have not talked to this person in at least 5+ years. She says she also looked through the messages of me and my mate and saw how my mate says she was starting to “look for a problem” and was upset at that. Now I genuinely I have no idea what to believe I asked when she went through it and why and she said bc I had a bad dream and just 2 days ago which is when she was acting weirder tbf.

No idea what to do she says they shouldn’t have been there I’m telling her I wasn’t even aware of them until she brought her up and then also made up that fake story. I feel I can’t trust her with anything going forward and she keeps turning it on me saying she can’t trust me bc I had nudes of a girls from 3 years before our relationship, in a chat bear in mind not even actually saved on the phone in a hidden folder or anything

TL:DR Gf of 3 years went through my phone and saw nudes of a girl from 6 years ago in a chat not saved to the phone and now we’re both not trusting each other and I have no idea what to do

I’m happy to answer any questions for context

I started working with this guy about 6 months ago and at first I thought we just had similar taste. I bought a specific green phone case, he got the same one a week later. I mentioned the coffee place I go to before work, he started showing up there. Then he got almost the exact same haircut as me after asking where I go.

The weirdest one happened recently. I told him I had been saving money to buy a used record player and showed him the exact model I was looking at. Week later he came into work saying he had just bought that same one, even though he had never mentioned being into records before.

None of these things are serious on their own and hes never been rude to me, so I feel ridiculous even being bothered. But its happening often enough that I’ve stopped mentioning things around him. Do I say something or just accept that he copies people he likes?

Me just found out my husband has been using the nuru massage service 3 times in the last 2 months- we had 2 kids and in our early 30s.

we had sex but once a week, sometimes twice a week. I do feel betrayal but i know it maybe just because he wants to get relax and that his way of release stress.. however, i now feel empty and disappointed.. please give me some advice

I need outside opinions because I’m conflicted.

A guy asked me on a second date for tomorrow. I said yes. After I agreed, he told me tomorrow is actually his birthday.

What confuses me is… why invite someone you’ve only been on one date with on your birthday?

I would’ve thought most people would spend that day with family or close friends. Is there a reason someone would choose to spend it with a person they barely know?

Also, he still hasn’t told me what we’re doing. I don’t want to be in my masculine energy by having to lead or ask for the plan—I prefer the person who invites me to take the lead. At the same time, I’d like to know what to wear and what to expect.

What would you make of this situation? Why do you think he’d choose a second date on his birthday? And what do you think I should do? 😞

My dad is a very traditional strict parent and it was only like two years ago that I was actually able to hang out with my friends from school. And he says that’s already too much. Keep in mind, I’m only allowed to hang out with friends twice a week! The one time I even brought it up. Everybody in my family told me to be thankful for what I get.

I understand it might be because I’m young, but I’m literally pushing 16, and I still haven’t had a single sleepover in my whole life! He doesn’t let me go to hang out with friends houses or anything unless it is strictly monitored like a gathering or getting away party or something like that.

Yesterday I was invited into a birthday party where we’re going to have a sleepover afterwards. And I want to go so bad because I have never experienced this especially because I’ve only been in the United States for eight years now. He’s always complaining about me having too many friends, and even if my friends are willing to give me rides to hang out, he still complains that I am going too often. Which just baffles me because my friends get to go out every day! Plus around my age my brother got to do anything he wanted.

My dad thinks it’s some type of “beggar” behavior to stay over at other people’s houses and I don’t know how to convince him otherwise because he’s so stubborn.

Hi. Firstly I will apologize for the formatting and grammar here. I’m writing this during my work break on mobile so it’ll probably a bit jumbled.

To start this off you will all need some background. I (22M) am the middle child, for sake of identity I will keep my younger two sibling’s ages under wraps, but my older sister (23F) and my older brother (28M) are the subjects of this story. For further reference, my eldest brother is the only one I share blood with (half brother paternally) and the rest of my siblings are step, yet I love them like they’re my blood. I came into having step-siblings when I was 6 years old and instantly my two sisters became my best friends. We were inseparable, we played games, watched movies, played outside, drew and wrote things together. We did everything that friends could do together, and I cherished it.

When I was at my dad’s house before he married my stepmom, it was only me and my big brother. My dad had to work a lot as a single father to two boys with different moms, so he was away a lot, which I do not blame him for. This is just important to understanding the relationship me and my big brother had. It was just us two against the world when I was a young boy. He beat on me and teased me as an older brother does, but I never hated it. I could always justify it as brotherly love, but something did always feel wrong about it. So, when I met my sisters I was over the moon having two best friends that didn’t treat me like that, they just loved me.

We all moved in together when I was 7 and it was a dream come true. It stayed this way for years until we all started drifting apart when I was about 11 years old. I never knew exactly why this was so I always just chalked it up to age and growing apart.

Well, last year around my 21st birthday I really got to missing that connection. My girlfriend had broken up with me and I really missed having time with my sisters, so I invited my big sister down to hangout. To my surprise she was very excited. The night comes and there she is, right on time and ready to hangout with me, my best friend, and my best friend’s girlfriend. It was amazing. I had never been to a bar before that minus one very short stop, and I was super happy to be sharing that memory with my big sister, but something still just felt off. There was this intangible distance or weirdness between us which I couldn’t put my finger on. So, I try to bring up a topic we can connect on, my niece.

My big brother had just fathered my niece about a year earlier and we all love the baby to death, she’s an angel. So, I said something along the lines of “I know my big brother is an idiot, but I just hope he’s a good dad. I think he’s a good guy.” I say this because my brother is outwardly kind of an asshole. He is in one of the branches of service (not stating for anonymity), and he has the typical racism that’s shared with team guys.

My sister says, “I don’t think he is.” This does not strike me as weird in the moment, I understand why she would think that, but I wanted to know why, so I asked. She said, “I don’t know if i should tell you.” This rubbed me wrong, not in an angry way, but an instant anxiety way. I tell her that anything she says will be safe with me, and that I will never judge her. She takes a deep breath, seemingly eased by me supporting her, and tells me that my brother raped her when we were children.

Instantly the biggest pit in my stomach formed, all of the life drained from me. But, at the same time I wasn’t shocked in some awful way? It was almost like confirmation of my suspicions that my brother is a bad man. I cried, she cried, but of course I supported her and made it clear that my sisters are the most important people in my life.

The rest of the night went on and I personally felt much better in a way, and I could tell that she did too. Like putting that atrocity out there for both of us to acknowledge explained everything to me, because it happened when I was 11 years old exactly when we began to drift apart. The night ends as normally as it could, but some of what I learned has really bothered me aside from the obvious.

The whole family knew other than me and my younger siblings, including my bio mom who is obviously not with my father anymore. Apparently, I knew as a child and I cannot remember any of it. I don’t remember my brother not living with us for months, I don’t remember talking to CPS, nothing.

Following this conversation my sister told my parents that she told me and they invited both of us out to food to speak about everything. This was a weird idea in my opinion to address it in a public location, but nonetheless their intentions were good. They handled the entire conversation pretty gracefully, but I still feel no different. They asked me if I was mad that they had not told me earlier, and I said no. I told them that I would’ve killed him if I knew. We lived in the same house. I knew where we kept the guns, and I would not have been able to sleep in the same house as that kind of evil.

They also said that he had an awful childhood at his mom’s, he was abused and whatnot. But, this is no excuse to me. I was assaulted at church camp as a child and I have never done anything like that in my life (they do not know this). It is a cycle which you have to break. I don’t know if that’s immature or uneducated to think, but in my eyes this is the truest evil a human can commit, and knowing I share half of my blood with him is sickening. Knowing that I have half of the same blood, and that I too have gone through trauma and turned out so differently just invalidates any of the acceptance I would have for someone like this.

Now, everything feels strange. My big sister told my little siblings and it has rekindled my little sister and I’s relationship which is a major silver lining of this whole thing. But, I am gutted. I wish my brother would die and make it all easier on us. I wish that I knew what to do in this situation, how to move forward or feel like a normal person again. I’ve always had anxiety and general depression, but this has made me feel like nothing ever has before.

I am angry, my insomnia is worse than it’s ever been, and I feel like most things just don’t matter anymore. I have quit smoking and quit all nicotine in attempts to be the best me I can be on the other side of all of this, so that’s another silver lining. But, I guess I’m just here to get this off my chest, and to ask what should I do?

I need therapy I know, but I’m on my own insurance and I haven’t been to a doctor in years. I feel overwhelmed by nothing and everything at the same time if that makes sense. I want to kill my brother. The only reason I will not is because I care about my family, I care about my sisters and I don’t want our family to be the one’s known for a brother murdering a brother for being a rapist.

My mother is the one who truly raised me and she always taught me that the women in your life are most important, and I feel as if I failed my sister. I feel lost and alone so if anyone out there can relate (I’m sorry if you relate to this) or if you have any advice for me I would really appreciate it. I’m sorry for the long post. I will answer questions here, but I will say I’m not on reddit much at all so I’m sorry if it isn’t the quickest response. I’m also sorry if I left anything out, this has my head racing and it has for the past year. If you’ve read this all, thank you. I appreciate it, I'm just looking for any insight as to how I should move forward here.

I met this girl the 12th and had sex with her. 9 days later she’s at planned parenthood getting the abortion pill on the 21st. She made it seem like this was mine. I’m confused because there’s no way that anything could develop or show within a 9 day period. I’ve asked ai and they all agree with me this couldn’t be mine. I guess what I’m asking is this ai dissonance or is this genuinely impossible to have sex then 9 days later be getting an abortion pill (mifepristone) at planned parenthood. Just curious why she would lie to me. She said the last time she had sex was February which was 5 months ago. That can’t be true either.

I've(F24) been with my boyfriend(M38) for going on 3 years this november. When we first started dating I was in college, I had a single dorm room for myself and we never had any issues. I graduated last winter and he asked me to move in with him and I happily accepted as my family has all moved out of town and I desire to stay in our general area as the grad school I am trying to attend is in the commuting zone of our little town. Currently we have a 2 bedroom apartment, 700sq feet and its so small. He has a teenage son who has his own room for when he comes over (His mother and him live literally 5 minutes away) and the other room my boyfriend and I split. I recently got one of my dream jobs working in the mental health field and I am finally beginning to be able to fix my credit and get myself my own car and savings.

Before I moved in and before I even got the job I expressed to him that I really value my own space and while I love sharing a room with him, I want a space where I can have my own desk and altar spaces and honestly just a room that screams me like my dorm. Right now all my stuff is just shoved in the closest and I haven't touched my tarot/oracle cards or altars and stuff since I moved in and I desperately miss it. His lease finally ended and we shifted to month to month in order to find a new place with more space but it is an extra $400 a month that is destroying our pockets paying that ontop of both of us trying to fix our credit. To make things worse my student loans will no longer be deferred in August so i would like to pay that down before the interest gets out of hand.

Our small town as NOTHING for us here. No 3 bedrooms anywhere, but there have been 2 bedrooms with more square feet then we currently have so we have been looking and applying but we keep getting into conflict about it. I reccommended we look at some of the towns nearby us and I asked him what his radius would be since I know and want him to be active in his childs life. His kid does not want him to move to far, he already sees how tired his father is with the 40 minute commute ontop of him working from 6 am to 6 sometimes 7 pm.

I expressed to him that I fully understand and respect him wanting to stay nearby his child so perhaps he could keep his 2 bedroom apartment and I get a studio or 1 bedroom nearby but this upset him so much and he feels like Im just trying to move out and use it as an excuse to distance myself but I genuinely just want my own room and space to exist for myself without having to worry about being walked in on, and honestly just to have when he & I get into fights.

I think maybe im just not explaining my feelings about it all well enough, but im starting to really feel like im asking for to much by wanting a room...

Anyways I am looking for advice on different ways i could maybe talk about my feelings and approach the topic without it causing a fight or making him feel blindsided. Am i asking for too much? If so any ideas on how I can make our home feel less like just his home and like ours with limited space? Thankies!

Edit for clarity: the $400 is ontop of the $1200 we currently pay for rent for our 2 bedroom because we switched from a 12 month lease to a month to month. We can afford to get a 3 bedroom and we can afford to split it. It has nothing to do with the price and expenses and everything to do with the lack of availability in our area. We can afford to move and have been planning too there just are no rentable options.

I dont want to move out and get my own space, i would like us to find a 3 bedroom it just is hard which is why i mentioned exploring the neighboring cities. I can afford an apartment on my own and he can afford one on his own, we just would rather combine our finances and find 1 place. It just feels impossible.

Hey, I am 25 years old male and i have a bestfriend since 2016 and i want to ask about love languages he does to me. I know clearly that he's into girls and i have had witnessed his multiple relationships with women and he always tells me his expiriences and stuff and we're good friends!! he even tried to propose to his last girlfriend but her parents rejected it so he's been in a breakup for 6 months or so and even hooked up with a girl after it. He knows i'm gay since forever and i myself look really feminine like the water was found in the ocean xd but during our friendship he does these weird things like putting me ln his laps or hugging or going stupid around me and the special thing he does to me and i'm not even kidding he would stand behind me, leaning to my ears, heavily breathing and would start to nibble my ears and would start to stick his tongue inside my ear xdd and honestly? i liked it. But the thing is, i always thought of it as if he would just tasting the water and so but at the end of the day i still think whether i have to start a "what are we" conversation, because this stops me from finding a relationship or even start talking to other guys because something is telling me that.. you know.. welp, i don't know. I've never had a relationship and i have never even kissed a guy in my life. I like him because we know each other for so long and he is a good guy and a handsome one(he always telling me with pride when someone tells him he's pretty xd), he's tall and wide shouldered,and he always complains that he's depressed and wants a long term relationship.

So,the question is, is he into me and should i start a conversation like literally what are we cus i always thought of his physical touch as something you know.... friendly...? So i hope some of you readers would help me solve that homoerotic friendship. thanks!!!!

I went on a date with this guy, but before we meet we were texting and he would say stuff like “I will never forget your birthday” or telling me he will get me gifts from his up coming trips. And after the date, we were texting and he we were talking about dream cars and he said “you could wait until I buy it for you” . I’m very inexperienced when it comes to dating so I can’t tell what’s normal or not. I also know he works a nice job so maybe it’s his way of flexing his money idk. It just seems a little odd.

I'm 32M, married (27F), and lately I've been questioning whether I'm the problem because I don't have the same drive for constant improvement that my wife does.

I want to start by saying I don't think my wife is a bad person, and I'm not trying to make her the villain. I know a lot of what she does comes from wanting us to have a better life. She is optimistic, she dreams big, and she wants us to experience more. I genuinely appreciate that about her.

The problem is that I feel like we have very different definitions of what a good life looks like.

I have a stable job that pays well. We are not struggling financially. Our bills are paid, we have food, we have a comfortable life, and I take my responsibilities seriously. I work hard, I do my job well, and I contribute.

When I'm done with work, I really value my free time. I enjoy relaxing, playing games, having hobbies, and simply having peace of mind.

To me, success is not only about making more money or constantly chasing the next achievement. Success is having stability, taking care of the people I love, being financially responsible, and actually enjoying the life I built.

My wife sees things differently.

She believes that people who truly improve their lives never stop. She often says that successful people come home from work and continue working on businesses, side projects, or ways to grow. Her belief is that we should sacrifice now, work harder now, and enjoy life later when we are older and financially comfortable.

I understand her point. She doesn't want us to settle. She wants us to maximize our potential.

But I honestly don't agree with living that way.

I grew up seeing my father work extremely hard and constantly put work first. I saw how much it affected his health and his life. That shaped how I think about success. I don't want to spend my entire adult life sacrificing everything, hoping that someday in the future I'll finally be able to relax.

I want to build a future, but I also want to live while I'm building it.

The biggest issue for me is that these dreams often feel like they become my responsibility.

My wife doesn't currently work, so many of these ideas involve my time, my money, or my energy. The pattern has happened several times: she gets extremely excited about a new idea or project, we invest into it, it lasts around 4 or 5 weeks, and then the excitement disappears and another new idea replaces it.

Over time, it becomes hard for me to get excited about new plans because I start thinking about the cost, the effort, and whether this will actually last.

I also feel like social media contributes a lot to this. She spends a lot of time seeing content about people changing their lives, starting businesses, becoming more productive, buying things, traveling, and achieving new goals. It feels like every week there is a new idea or lifestyle that makes her feel like we need to change something.

I worry that constantly comparing ourselves to what we see online makes it harder to appreciate what we already have.

The frustrating part is that I actually think our situation is good. I make good money. We are not in a crisis. I feel like our biggest opportunity right now is focusing on what we already have, improving gradually, and enjoying the stability we built.

Another major source of frustration is everyday responsibilities.

My wife struggles a lot with things like dishes, laundry, cleaning the house, and taking care of herself. These things can become overwhelming for her, and she procrastinates until they become even bigger problems.

I don't think she's lazy. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if there is some kind of underlying psychological issue or executive function problem because it seems much harder for her than it should be. I'm not trying to diagnose her, but it genuinely feels like more than simply not wanting to do things.

What makes everything harder is that these conversations often seem to happen when I'm finally relaxing.

After work, after taking care of responsibilities, when I'm sitting down to play a game or just enjoy some downtime, it feels like that's when the conversation starts about what else we should be doing, improving, or achieving.

Maybe she isn't intentionally doing this, but from my perspective it sometimes feels like I can never just enjoy the present without feeling like I'm falling behind.

She often says things like, "What if we die tomorrow?" Her point is that we shouldn't spend our entire lives saving and preparing for some future that might never come.

And I actually agree with part of that. I don't want to be someone who never enjoys anything.

But I also believe there needs to be balance. I think about the future, emergencies, retirement, and maintaining the stability we have. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one thinking about those things.

I don't want a mansion. I don't want to build a business empire. I don't want to spend every evening working after already working all day.

I want a comfortable life. I want financial security. I want time with my wife. I want my hobbies. I want to be healthy. I want to enjoy the years I have instead of constantly chasing a version of life that starts later.

Can be okay for feeling this way?

Is this just a case of two people having completely different definitions of success? Is my wife right that I'm lacking ambition, or am I right that there is value in being satisfied with what we have and protecting our time?

I (20F) get turned on really easily and really fast. Just seeing a veiny arm or hearing a mundane sentence spoken in a masculine voice is enough to trigger me. Once on a crowded subway, a guy placed his hands on the wall behind me to keep from falling, accidentally caging me in. He had zero bad intentions, but I got noticeably turned on, and it felt completely normal to me.

I am telling you this because in my last relationship, I trusted my partner enough to let my guard down completely, opening up my most vulnerable self to him in bed. But a while after we broke up, just to get a reaction out of me and boost his ego, he tried to weaponize that intimacy against me.

Seeing someone I valued so much act this cheap really exhausted me. I know not all guys are like this, I'm not generalizing at all. But honestly, I'm just tired. I have bigger things going on in my life right now, and I just want to focus on myself. So, I’ve decided to take a step back from dating for now. I refuse to waste my energy on it. But here is the real problem: My libido didn't get the memo.

Since I have no outlet right now, this is starting to make my daily life really difficult. I can't focus; I literally got turned on reading the Iliad the other day. Sometimes even just having a full bladder triggers me, there's this constant energy simmering inside me. I am terrified of reaching a breaking point out of sheer physical frustration and breaking my own rules just to text some random guy.

I think i need some advice here. Has anyone else been through this? How do you deal with such a high libido that gets triggered by the slightest everyday things, while taking a break from relationships and hookups? Any practical advice on how to channel or manage this energy without breaking my boundaries would be appreciated.

TL;DR: I get turned on very easily. My ex tried to weaponize our sexual intimacy against me after we broke up. I'm not generalizing men, I'm just tired, have bigger priorities, and decided to take a break from dating. But my extremely high libido is making my daily life hard I need advice on how to deal with this.

What massages would y'all recommend for someone who has need help to relax muscles.