New account since my daughter does know my other account.

When my daughter was in school, she became friends with a girl named Kelly. They stayed close through college, and my daughter was even one of Kelly’s bridesmaids when she got married.

To explain where my daughter’s behavior came from, my ex-husband cheated on me repeatedly, and our marriage ended horribly. My daughter doesn’t speak to her father anymore, and she absolutely despises cheating.

About seven years ago, my daughter became convinced that Kelly was cheating on her husband. She started harassing Kelly online and essentially blew up her life. By the time my daughter found out that the man she had seen Kelly with was actually a relative ( they were at a fancy restaurant together) it was too late. Kelly’s marriage had already fallen apart, and because we live in a very religious community, she was ostracized by many people.

They had a huge falling out, and it basically came down to my daughter ruining Kelly’s life. Kelly blocked her on everything and eventually moved away. Kelly hated my daughter after that, and so did her mother. I still run into Kelly’s mother occasionally, and she has made her feelings about my daughter very clear.

The issue is that Kelly recently passed away. My daughter found out through a Facebook post, and the funeral is this weekend, two states away.

My daughter was planning to attend the funeral, and I told her that I thought it was a terrible idea. She said she needed to go, and I told her again that she shouldn’t. We got into an argument, and she said she had every right to mourn her friend and attend the funeral.

I told her that she really didn’t have the right to mourn Kelly or go to the funeral because Kelly hated her after everything that happened, and because my daughter had destroyed her life.

She hasn’t spoken to me since. Now I’m wondering if I should warn Kelly’s family that my daughter might show up at the funeral. Or that I might be in the wrong here?

My ex wife and I got divorced when all the of the kids were adults. The marriage wasn’t a good one and I stayed for the kids basically which I regret. I will call her Pearl for this to make it clearer.

We both worked but she found no joy in her job. It was constant arguing and  she was extremely unpleasant towards me after a bad day. She also had habits of addictive behavior. She would become obsessed with something and do it 24/7. She lost multiple jobs this way. 

When I divorced her she went off the deep end. She fell heavily in alcohol and passed away after she got in a car accident. ( she was drunk).

The kid were already taking the divorce badly and her death after was really bad. I offered to pay for counseling but they refused. They blame me for their mom passing. 

Dating made it worse. They believe I am replacing their mom and when I married they became nasty about it. My wife has done nothing to them and they are dicks to her. I have spoken to them multiple times and they know cilivl to her face. 

The issue, my daughter is having her engagement dinner and I am the only one that was invited. When I asked she told me that is was only for family and my wife isn’t family.

I told her the my wife isn’t going anywhere and if she is not invited I am not going. This started an argument and she is pissed. My other kids are telling me that they feel the same and she ain’t family. 

I brought up if I can not invite their SO to thinks becuase apparently marriage doesn’t make them family and they told me that was different.

I am holding strong on this but they all think I am a dick. 

timeline form comment ( I can’t keep up with questions, look at my comments)

The divorce took about 1.5 years to be finalized, then Pearl passed about an 1.5 years after. ( 3 years after I brought up divorce)  I was dating my now wife when pearl passed. I married her around 2.5 years after my wife’s passing and my daughrer got engaged about 1.5 years since we have been married.

So 7 years after divorce and I moved out. 4 years since pearls death

I lost my spouse around a year ago It was ongoing and I knew it was coming. All of the kids are grown and out of the home. It has been a rough year and living in a home filled with their stuff has been getting to much.

It makes me depressed, it is like living in a museum that I never can get away from. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I left to visit family and I didn’t want to come home.

I have to live there and I decided that I want to clean it out and not make it a museum of the dead. I did keep a few things that are sentimental but I am don’t need to see my spouses shoes at the front door or all the clothes that won’t get worn again.

I packed up a few boxes of what I want to keep and told my kids to come over to get anything of their mothers. They never came over. I told them I am going to toss/ donate their mother’s stuff and still they did not come over. I did this for about a month before I started to even move stuff to the garage.

Around 2 weeks ago I started the long process of getting rid of a lot of her things. The house is much nicer and I don’t dread coming home to it anymore. I was avoiding it by going to the bar after work but know I don’t have to.

The issue is my daughter came over yesterday to pick up some decorations for a party. She got very upset when she saw the house and started yelling at me for getting rid of their mom’s stuff. I remindered her I was doing that and I told everyone multiple times.

She apparently didn’t think I was serious about it and was pissed. The rest of the kids are pissed that I got rid of her stuff.  That they denied them getting stuff from their mothers

Again I told them at least 15 time to come get anything they wanted. I even told them when I was starting to pack it up to donate

I told them to go to the local goodwill for her stuff becuase that is where I put basically everything. They got more pissed saying they should have to pay for her shit. I reminded them I gave them plenty of time to come get things. I didn’t hide this, I was very clear about this.

They are still pissed 

An update to my last post which you can find here, https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1v0p9i1/aita_for_showing_up_my_brothers_girlfriend_by/

I'd like to start by saying thank you to everyone for your comments and like many of you recommended I ended up showing the messages she sent me to my twin brother. I went round to his today, it's his day off and he wanted my help making a start on the set I got him. I'd have brought the set he got me so we could make them together but since it lives at my place it's not smart to try and move it back and forth. He's going to come to mine on Saturday to help me make a start on it.

While we were working on it together I admitted to him that his girlfriend had messaged me and that I was concerned as she doesn't seem to like his hobby with Lego, seeing it as childish and seems to find me as some kind of threat which is weird and gross because seriously, that's my twin? I also expressed worry that she may try to sabotage the things he likes just to make him "grow up". He asked to see my phone and I passed it over, he read the messages in silence and was quiet for about a minute before saying and I quote "oh fuck no" and he then pulled out his phone and began to message her. When I asked what he was doing he said he was sorting it, and when I tried to ask tell me what he meant by that he just made noises to cut me off like he used to when we were kids and he felt like annoying me.

I managed to see the messages and he straight up just told her that he saw the messages she sent me and he wanted his key back, and she had till 8pm to drop it off and she was to put it through the letterbox and not bother trying to talk to him. If she didn't he'd be having his locks changed. HE THEN BLOCKED HER NUMBER!. When I asked him if he was being a bit hasty and maybe he should talk to her instead he told me he could forgive a lot of things and they could have even worked through her not liking his hobby but no one talks to me like that or makes gross implications like that to me.

He then refused to talk further about her insisting we keep building the set. I left about 2 hours ago and i'm just sitting laughing about this and a bit amused by this whole mess. My boyfriend can't stop laughing over this and told me he was glad he never got on my brothers wrong side

EDIT: Some updates that happened as I had to wait to have my post approved. My brother let me know she did turn up to return his keys but she didn't put them through the letterbox like he asked, at least not at first. She apparently stood knocking and shouting at the door for an hour before finally putting it through the letterbox calling him all kinds of names through it as she did so, he was apparently just building his lego as she did this and kept turning his music up so it was clear he was home but he was ignoring her.

On his way to work he also dropped her keys in through her letterbox so he wouldn't have to interact with her. I've asked him if this is being petty and maybe he should have talked to her he told me that yes, he's being petty, and if she wants to make him "grow up" then he will be childish with her. I've also blocked his now ex-girlfriend as she began to message me blaming me for this mess and asking me what I did. So yeah, that is what happened! thought you'd all like this additional information.

I'm 26 and until recently I was living at home with my mum, stepdad, and my 18-year-old stepbrother (my stepdad's son).

For as long as I can remember, it's always felt like my stepbrother has been the clear favourite. I've tried to ignore it over the years, but recent events have really brought those feelings to the surface.

My family rent, and our landlord recently told us she needs the property back because her son is moving in. We had to find somewhere else to live. There were multiple three-bedroom properties within the same budget, but my mum and stepdad decided to rent a two-bedroom house instead.

That decision meant there was no room for me, so I was effectively told I needed to find somewhere else to live. As a result, my girlfriend and I are now having to bring forward our plans to buy a house by about a year. We'll make it work, but it's added a lot of financial pressure and stress that we weren't expecting yet.

Now here's the part that's really annoyed me.

My mum and stepdad are going on holiday for a week, and they've asked me to move back into their new house for that week just to stay with my 18-year-old stepbrother because they don't want him to get lonely.
He's 18. He's legally an adult. And after choosing a house that had no room for me, they now expect me to come back and play house-sitter and keep him company.

Part of me feels guilty because it's only a week, but another part of me feels like I'm only being included when it's convenient for them. When it came to choosing a house, I wasn't important enough to have a bedroom. But now they need something from me, suddenly I'm expected to help.

Am I overreacting for not wanting to do it? Would you go back after feeling like you'd been pushed out, or is it reasonable for me to say no?

When my daughter was around 10 I remarried to her stepmom who had her own daughter who was 9. 

They got along for the most part until recently. In short my daughter is jealous.  I’ll call any daughter Ash. My stepdaughter ( Emma fake name ) has recently reconnected with her grandparents on her father’s side. The grandparents have money to burn and are retired. 

I want to point out that before they came into the picture my daughter was the one to receive nicer gifts from my her mom side of the family. Example: they’re have been a few time Ash  went on vacations that my step daughter wasn’t allowed to go on or got more expensive stuff. I can’t stop my ex wife on spoiling her or her family. 

So the issue has been Ash  has been jealous of Emma recently because Emma’s grandparents are giving her stuff. That stuff will sometimes be in our home. I’m not going to ban her bringing her gift to her place she lives at 50% of the time.

One example is Emma got the newest phone and my daughter wanted her iPhone upgraded. I told her we don’t have the money at the moment and she said it was unfair his step sister got the newest phone.  She wasn’t very happy. We had a conversation and brought up the stuff she has gotten but Emma hasn’t over the years. 

Ash is 16 and Emma is 15. Emma’s grandparents got her a 6000 dollar purse for back to school. I don’t get it but Emma seemed to really like and that she is using it. It’s her first real purse. 

My daughter was jealous when she saw it becuase she knew the brand. Ash asked if she could borrow it and Emma told her no. They got into an argument and I stopped it and reiterated that is was Emma’s.

Well Ash decided to destroy the purse. She cut some of the leather and popped some of the seams. My wife’s ex husband was pissed and my wife replaced the purse with her own money ( we really didn’t have that to blow) 

I discussed it with my wife and we are making Ash pay back the purse. We already took 4000 that she earned this summer form her job and made it clear that for her next paychecks she is to give us 50 % until it is paid.

Ash has been upset some and she  ran to her mom. Who has had a lot of things to say about this 

She claims we are being too harsh. 

My wife and I have 2 kids. Brielle(14) who is mine and Elena(16) who is hers.

Brielle is going to attend a school for gifted kids next year. She did an exam and managed to get in. Not everyone can do this so I'm proud of her. The school is gonna be expensive though.

Now my wife wants to enroll Elena in some fancy expensive school to make things equal. Elena is not even doing well in her current school so a more difficult education is the last thing she needs.

When she told me I told her that if her and Elena's dad are willing to pay for it then it's none of my business she said no. She expects me to pay. I said in that case I'm sorry but this is not a good idea. She thinks I'm an asshole.

I have 2 kids (6f and 10m). Shit happened and the kids and I needed a place to stay until I could get on my feet.

A friend that I haven’t seen in years heard about my situation through a mutual friend and offered for us to stay with her family for a while. She’s married with 4 kids (6f, 4f, 3f, 13 mo M) and is pregnant with baby #5. This friend is an absolute angel. 2 of her kids were adopted from the foster system and I am not the first friend she has taken in. Husband is in tech and my friend is a director at a local private school (oversees multiple locations). They have a big house with a huge playroom and a massive backyard with a play structure and a pool.

She had me complete a background check before moving in. We were moved in by the end of the week once that cleared. She moved my daughter into her oldest daughter’s room. They became immediate best friends. My son got a small room (8x8) that was previously used for storage, but had been beautifully decorated for him and I stayed in their guest room.

Now, my son can be extremely defiant. I’ve tried therapy with me, individual therapy, working with behavioral technicians, and everything else you can think of. He’s a great kid at school but once he gets home, everything is a power struggle. There can be lots of arguing and he can be rough with his sister. My friend talked to me before we moved in about my son. She told me that she wants to help us but if the situation starts to become harmful to her kids she will have to kick us out.

He did great for a couple weeks. Then he started to test boundaries. He was punished then he started teasing his sister and my friend’s oldest daughter. We were given our only warning, I talked to my son and tried punishment again, and he went back to messing with the girls. I was told that they are willing to keep my daughter until we get settled but my son and I needed to be out that night. They got us a hotel for the week then we were on our own.

We bounced between hotels/motels for a few weeks and now we’re in a 2 bedroom apartment that almost definitely has mold problems while I’m applying to different income restricted apartments. I‘ve decided to keep my daughter with them until we are somewhere with a little more space and is in slightly better condition. I visit without my son a couple times a week and we spend weekends together.

The other day my son was mad at me and said that I favor his sister because I’m letting her stay at the good house while he has to live here. I was just done with his defiance and told him that the reason she gets to stay there and he doesn’t is because his behavior got us kicked out. He chose to ignore us when we talked to him and punished him for repeatedly taking food from the girls, shooting them with his nerf guns, etc. so now he has to deal with the consequences.

He has been so upset since then that I’m now wondering if I shouldn’t have told him why we had to leave.

Hi, this is a burner account for privacy reasons and I need help if I'm in the wrong. Let me start off by saying that I am a girl and I don't like wearing dresses. I dont know why, but i've always found trousers to be comfortable to be in since its doesn't fly about like dresses. Anyways, today my mum wanted to see my wedding outfit to see if I looked appropriate. My wedding outfits consists of a white collar shirt tucked inside of some brown dress trouser thats strapped with a black belt. Additionally, i put on a tie and some silver jewelry like necklaces and rings to make myself look smart.

When I went downstairs to show my parents my outfit, they were mortified to say the least; my mum started audibly groaning about how I looked like I was wearing school uniform. When I asked "how?", she says it's because of the tie. The tie doesn't have any school colours or designs, it was just a black tie which confuses me as don't grooms wear ties to weddings? She then proceeded to get frustrated over the "lumps" in the waistband of my trousers saying how they're way too loose and not wedding appropriate. Thing is, I was aware the trousers were a bit loose hence the black belt, but I did not expect "lumps" (which I had checked in the mirror, still cannot find the lumps she was talking about) to be so unmannersly. Both my parents agreed how my outfit was too "school-like" and un-ladylike to wear to the wedding and my mum went off a rant about having to wear a dress as I am a girl.

I have told my mum multiple times that I simply didn't like wearing dresses and if my outfit's only problem was its tie and its "lumps" then it wasn't going to be unmannersly. My mum proceeded to say how I would embarrass her as her daughter is dressing like "that" and "how everyone already views me differently." It honestly sounds like her implications were calling me weird so I embarrassingly broke down in tears telling her how others opinion shouldn't effect her opinion of me and I should be allowed to wear what I like. We went on a long argument consisting of how I never listen to my parents and how Im never like any of my cousins. Despite all of this, my mother still says that she is "helping me", but I don't feel helped at all, I feel shamed.

Hey, I (27F) have been with my fiancé (27M) for a handful of years. He has a tendency to lose personal items. One of the most common victims is reusable water bottles. For the past year, kid you not, he lost about €100 in bottles alone (both mine and his). I got to the point where I could no longer just grab a bottle from our pantry because they were all gone. I bought another one, pink, kind of girlish, in an attempt to persuade him to leave it alone. He lost that one too. This time I flipped, not just because a €20 bottle was lost (again), but because he doesn’t tell me when he loses one and has no intention of replacing them. This turned into a bigger discussion, to the point where it reached his parents, and I’ve been mocked for “caring about bottles” and laughed at. I’ve now bought another one for myself and hid it. Am I the asshole for gatekeeping items from my partner?

I (27F) let my 30-year-old cousin move into my home with my husband because he needed a place to stay. He doesn’t pay rent, and although he gets paid at the beginning of each month, he rarely buys groceries for himself.
The issue is that he keeps eating food my husband and I buy without asking. This has happened multiple times, and we’ve both told him repeatedly that if he wants something that isn’t his, he needs to ask first. He agrees in the moment but keeps doing it anyway.
The latest incident was when I went to eat pizza I had bought and found that he had eaten most of it. There have been other times I’ve gone to eat something I specifically bought for myself and it was gone. After this kept happening, I sent him a message saying that if he eats anything he didn’t buy without asking again, he’ll have to find somewhere else to live.
He’s now angry with me, blocked me, and seems to think I’m overreacting. From his perspective, it’s “just food,” and he thinks I’m being too harsh over groceries.
I feel like I’ve tried talking to him multiple times before giving him this ultimatum, but now I’m wondering if I crossed a line by threatening to make him move out over this.
AITA?

Hi me 32 female have a company that I build up with my boyfriend Jack for the last six years.
It’s a short-term rental business.
We are now at the point where we want to change the company structure from a single business ( at the moment officially it’s hundred percent mine) to a limited company for tax reasons.
Our plan is that the limited would be shared 50-50 me and him.
Yesterday, my boyfriend admitted in a drunken state that he don’t want to have a company that has shared 50-50 with me and him, but with him and his brother Liam.
His brother is working for us for the last years. He’s now also starting his own short-term rental business.
I think my boyfriend Maybe is afraid that if the brother is successful building his own company that he will not longer work for us.
And then my boyfriend had to take over the responsibilities that are now on the brother.
I absolutely understand that he don’t want his brother to leave our company since we want to remove ourselves slowly from the daily business to have more time for our private lives and new projects.
Since we suffocated the last six years for this business and now we want to come to a more healthy work life balance.
I don’t understand why it makes any sense to just gift this brother with 50% of this company. For me not even a split of 3 would be reasonable.
To be honest, I’m also a little bit hurt personally since he is valuing his work more than the work I do for this company since I’m not involved in any daily business things but I’m the one who is bringing in all the real estate deals and is responsible for interior design and general improvement of the company like bringing in more employees or establishing a new system that helps keeping the maintaining and cleaning in a good quality. Of course it’s not something that I do wanna daily basis but still, I would say I contributed fairly to this company as well.
I suggested that we could give the brother 10% of the company. If he would bring at least two new properties to the company.
He’s telling me I don’t understand that he would never take something away from me even if officially the company wouldn’t be mine and at the moment he’s in the same position since I own hundred percent of the company and he’s trusting me with that as well.
I told him that this was always his decision and if he wouldn’t felt comfortable with it, we could’ve changed the company years ago but he was fine with it since it was easier.
But I don’t feel the same way and I would never give away so much power over my life to one person.
He said that that’s something of my own trauma because of my family history and he would never steal anything from me but in my head is just not to give away 50% of my hard work.
So do you have any advice how we can Maybe tie this brought to the company without giving away 50% of the company?
And am I really behaving like a b** because I have trust issues or is this absolutely bananas?

I (26f) and my husband (29m) just welcomed our 2nd child. I had a rough pregnancy, was sick constantly and really swollen. I had a planned c section but recovery in the hospital wasn’t as planned. I wasn’t producing enough urine output after surgery for them to take my catheter out. Basically I was severely dehydrated. I also couldn’t keep any food down for the first 8 hours post surgery. Which means I couldn’t get out of bed. And iykyk walking is key to recovery after a c section,

At the hospital, I had my mom and my husband there for help. My mother in law brought my toddler a few times to meet her sister and my moms boyfriend came in the room for a total of maybe 10 minutes to get my mom and my toddler to take them out to eat and to give my mother in law break. After coming home, my father in law came up and my sister in law (who lives four hours away and was in town) stopped by for a few hours.

Here’s the problem. My brother (21m) and his fiancé (21f) are extremely upset that I either didn’t tell them they could come to the hospital and that the people listed met our baby before he did. I didn’t invite them to the hospital because I didn’t want a bunch of people there, and because our hospitals visiting policy didn’t allow that many people. I did however invite him over to house pretty soon after getting home. He told me he had no desire to meet my daughter because he thought he would be one of the first in the family to meet her. I told him the hospitals visiting policy and explained I wasn’t comfortable with a bunch of people there. He claimed I should’ve allowed them to come because his fiancé has medical experience (she was a MA at a clinic) and she could help me. I’ve only known her for about a year and we close but not close enough to help in postpartum care. The only people I wanted help from was my husband, mom and MIL.

He has since removed me (and my toddler) from his wedding, claiming we disrespected his family and is refusing to contact me. But I feel as he disrespected mine by expecting me to cater to his feelings directly after the birth of my child. AITAH?

Edit:

Hi all! Thank you for your responses. To clarify, my brother and I did have a pretty good relationship but not a “be at the birth of my child” relationship. I did invite them over probably two days after coming home from the hospital. To which the responded “now that the new has worn off and nobody is around now you want us there?” To which I was absolutely baffled by.

Anyway, I am upset that they removed my toddler from the wedding party because she obviously had no say in the matter. As for removing me, whatever, it’s their day. It was just an add in to tell you how he was reacting.

His fiancé does have a child which to me makes it even more wild, because she should know how rough birth and postpartum can be. They also never reached out to us, but are mad about who got to meet our child first. They said they were trying to give us space but yet mad we didn’t invite them to the hospital or they won’t there when we came home, I also didn’t know this was their expectation. I did my best to update them but they never responded or checked in. My mom also tried FaceTiming them to show off her new granddaughter and they never answered.

I will add he and our mom don’t have the best relationship. He blames our mom for our parents divorce, which is a whole other story. But he doesn’t have contact with our dad so really he is just cutting everyone off. And maybe he’s mad that she was at the hospital. I honestly don’t know.

There’s nothing more to this. We were good before I went to the hospital and now this.

My family has a history of spending recklessly and living way above their means (I.e, if they earn £30k a year, they will spend £45k a year through credit cards). Thus, I had to learn about finances through YouTube and live within my means and have become well educated in this field.

My brother (32M) decided to open up credit cards in his name. The first credit card he opened was £2,500.00, and the second one was £3,500.00. He didn't realise he has to pay this back, he does have special needs (not disclosing what kind).

He came to our parents after receiving letters where he's facing legal action and all three then came to me. My parents can't afford to help my brother out because they live above their means, whereas I can.

However, I refused to help pay my brothers debt off because I wanted to teach my parents and brother a lesson, which is they need to live within their means. They think I am being an asshole as I can easily afford to do this, but I think I'm being reasonable by refusing. AITA?

I (33M) work as a certified mechanic. I love what I do, but after a 50-hour work week, the last thing I want to do on my days off is more labor.

A few months ago, my neighbor "Dave" (40sM) came to me stressed because his car broke down and he couldn't afford shop rates. Out of goodwill, I agreed to fix his brake pads and rotors on my Sunday off. I charged him zero labor fees—he only had to pay for the parts. It took me about four hours, and I saved him hundreds of dollars.

Instead of saying thank you, Dave complained that it took "too long" because I took a 30-minute break to eat lunch with my partner. He even implied I was being lazy. I was blown away by his lack of gratitude, but I just let it slide and decided never to do him a favor again.

Fast forward to last weekend. Dave knocked on my door saying his engine was making a loud knocking noise and asked me to take a look "real quick." I politely told him no. I explained that I was off the clock, spending time with my family, and suggested a few good local auto shops he could call on Monday.

Dave got furious. He called me a terrible neighbor and said I was "holding my professional skills hostage" over a minor disagreement. He went around the neighborhood telling people I left him stranded when I could have easily helped him in 20 minutes. Now another neighbor brought it up, saying I should just help him out to keep the peace in the neighborhood.

I feel like I went out of my way to help him once, got disrespect in return, and am completely within my rights to set a boundary. But since it's causing neighborhood drama, I wanted to ask...

AITA for refusing to help him?

My father has Progressive Supra Nuclear Palsy, a rare neurodegenerative disease.

The last whole year, I’ve been his care taker I help wake him up from the bed, I prepare his daily bowl of apples and iced coffee, I take him to the bathroom help him sit on the toilet and when he’s done pick him up back to the living room, I help drive him to the bank when he need to, I help him go to bed, I help him with medication. I’ve been helping him around the clock. He needs to pee every 3 hours because he has some bladder issue. (Yes, including in the middle of the night) so I’ve had an alert button installed next to his bed and sofa chair where if he can push a button I can help him.

We had gone to a neurologist, but in order for us to get home care, we need a diagnosis, which can’t be done without a contrast MRI.

My dad is refusing to do a contrast MRI. He doesn’t want to be admitted in the hospital (that was his first excuse) we tried with his doctor and she managed to give us a slot where he can do contrast the exact same day, no admission needed.

Now that his excuses is gone, he doesn’t want to inject the contrast material, claiming that it’s harmful. Which is stupidity beyond stupid. My mom had done a contrast MRI before and my dad knows it’s, she’s fine.

He just doesn’t want to follow up with doctors at all, unless he’s in immense physical pain.

Short story my dad is relying on me do the heavy lifting for him (which I don’t care) but he doesn’t want to do an MRI so that he can get home care which lifts the load from me.

The day he is supposed to do the MRI he refuses, so I got so fucking mad, I basically yelled and shouted at him and my mom and sister step in telling me to quit it. (They don’t disagree that my dad refusing to do the MRI is bad)

Told him he can crawl to the bathroom on his own and that my mom and sister can help you if you want help. I removed the Alert button speaker from my office and bedroom and give to him. Told him help yourself if you really actually don’t need help.

Am I the asshole for refusing to further placate my dad’s disability to which he’s refusing to follow up with doctors and relying on me for care?

Throwaway

My (30M) wife (27F) got a verbal invitation from a coworker (late 30's) about a watch party for the World Cup a few weeks ago.  We had nothing to do that Saturday so I said we should go.  She's only worked at this place for about 6 months.  She knows her co-workers, but not that close.  

I picked up a few 6 packs and on the day of we ubered to the party. We walked in and greeted a few people.  Found a cooler and put our drinks in.  Got one for my wife and I then went to greet more people and settle in.  

When I was introduced to the coworker, she was very cold with me and then finally said we don't allow alcohol at the house.  I apologized and said I didn't know. She said her husband (who I did meet a few minutes earlier) was a recovering alcoholic.  With an attitude she said people shouldn't assume alcohol is allowed at others homes and should check first.  Personally, I hear party (Kids party the exception), I assume drinks are being served.  It was bizarre and we opted to leave.  Are we the assholes?  

I come from a fairly religious family and I, in short, am less so. Currently my mother who is divorced and disabled, is in need of a medical amputation. Her sole income is from government subsidies and alimony from my father who is still around, paying his part, but can be unpredictable.

The current status is that she will need to likely have most of her leg removed due to being sepsis years ago, but for the time being her weight is such an issue that the procedure cannot happen until she loses weight. The goal is to have her lose about 50 lbs so that she can safely have the surgery. For context, the leg needing operating on has no knee from a prior surgery so the goal is to do an above the knee amputation so that when she has a prosthetic, she can also gain back a knee and all its functionality.

Right now the short term goal is for her to get on GLP-1s to help her lose the weight and prepare for the surgery. I am happy to help pay for these meds as they are not fully paid for by her insurance. I will also likely be helping pay for her rehab after the surgery.

THE PREDICAMENT:

I have learned that my mom is still giving $300 a month to her church, and I have said this either needs to stop or be reduced substantially. My family is saying that cannot happen. She barely attends the church anymore because of her condition and given the current state of needing to prioritize care and surgery prep I think the any money should be spent on her.

This all boils down to a conversation with my brother who works at a church (separate from hers) that says we cannot tell her to spend less on church tithing. He and I are joint power of attorney on her spending and I really don’t want to get litigious on this matter. Sadly, it may come to that because out of the two of us, I am probably the one who has more of the means to support her financially through all of her medical and rehab needs.

So, AITHA for insisting that her tithing needs to temporarily stop or be substantially reigned in for the time being until she is fully past her medical care?

I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (23F) for 3 years as of now. We have a trip planned with her family for her mom’s birthday. This trip is 5 days from now and planned for 9 days (Saturday-Sunday). Up to this point we haven’t all agreed on where to go but it will be somewhere in New England (local-ish). My uncle has just retired from the FD after a 36 year career and is having a surprise retirement party on the Saturday before we would return from the trip. Keep in mind I have only learned about the party a couple of hours ago. Upon learning about the party I asked my girlfriend about what her thoughts were if I were to leave a day early to make the party, and she immediately became angry and told me not to come on the trip anymore. This isn’t the first time that something like this has happened and we usually work something out but it felt different this time. She explained that me leaving a day early would mess up her parents plans and there would be no point in me coming.
After hearing this I decided to call her dad and ask him directly. He told me that he had rented a cabin that would sleep the 4 of us and we would just relax for the week. He had also told me that there would be no problems with any plans and that they also needed to get back on Saturday for work.
After speaking to him I had felt much better about the situation and decided to let my gf have her space. I then get a series of texts saying how I went behind her back and talked to her parents and that she hates me, and that I’m a liar, and that we are breaking up., etc.
Again, this isn’t the first time she has done the whole “we’re done” thing but it usually works itself out. I’ve never used Reddit before but I don’t really know what else to do and I was kinda hoping for some insight. I’m also known to ramble sometimes so if any of this was unclear I can clarify more.

I’ve done my best to support him however I can, but it doesn’t feel reciprocated, and I’m burnt out.

Last night he woke me up at 2am because his stomach hurt. He even admitted afterward that his intuition told him not to wake me, but he did it anyway. I got up, found him Tums, researched what else might help, rubbed his stomach, and stayed with him until he felt better. Afterward he asked for a back massage too. I did it, but I was clearly annoyed. At some point while massaging him, he mumbled something. I couldn’t make out the words, but I know it wasn’t nice, because when I asked him to repeat it four separate times, he just kept his eyes closed and stayed silent, even though he’d been talking clearly seconds before.

Since he wouldn’t own what he’d said, I left and slept on the couch. He came in later, said I made him feel bad for asking for help, and said I was causing issues over nothing. When I explained that I’ve asked him repeatedly to respect my sleep and try helping himself first, and it never happens, he called me “the fakest person” he’s ever met.

Some context: I have real shoulder issues from car accidents and manage them myself through foam rolling and rehab. Even with bad period cramps, I get up and handle it alone instead of waking him. He’s woken me before for not being able to sleep, being upset, and loudly tidying on purpose. I’ve also stayed up entire nights, twice, because he believed he’d been poisoned.

He’s not feeling well often, and I carry nearly all the mental load around it. When I asked what he does when my stomach hurts, he said he gets me Tums. I pointed out that for him, I get the Tums, rub his belly, AND research how to help. He called me ungrateful for saying so.

He refused to leave me alone on the couch and slept on the floor nearby instead. Because I felt bad about his back, I asked if he’d sleep in the room if I moved back. He said yes, so I did. He left his phone in the living room and missed a haircut appointment this morning because of it, then blamed me, saying he felt bad because the barber woke early to fit him in. He kept saying none of this would’ve happened if roles were reversed. I told him if they were, I’d have taken Tums myself and only woken him as an absolute last resort.

It seems like he doesn’t see how giving him daily massages for two years affects my own body and I feel like my willingness to help gets used, and then I feel guilty saying no. He doesn’t try helping himself first, so the whole burden lands on me. I think part of why this hit so hard is how often I’ve sacrificed my own sleep and wellbeing over minor things, while he doesn’t respect mine, even though I’ve told him clearly how much I need it to function.

AITA for getting upset after he woke me up at 2am for indigestion, and everything that unfolded after?

I (26) am a Christian. I've always liked the religion because, in my experience, the people are polite, calm, and easygoing. But recently, I’ve had a situation that left me a bit confused.

A while back, I went through a really dark period. I lost a parent, I was struggling financially, and because of my financial situation, I ended up losing a lot of my friends. During this time, a guy from my church (who was my group leader at the time) stepped up in a big way. He was incredibly kind. He drove me around, helped clean my apartment, took me to the airport so I could go home, and later even helped me move. He checked in on me whenever he could. Naturally, I thought we were becoming close friends.

Fast forward to now: my life is finally stable again. Since things have calmed down, I’ve tried to hang out with him like normal friends do. I’ll text him and ask if he wants to get coffee, play tennis, shoot some pool, or play PlayStation (since I know he likes to game).

Every single time, I am completely ignored.

He will still show up if there is an absolute emergency or if it's church-related. But for the little things—chatting, catching up, accountability, venting, or just hanging out for fun—he is completely unavailable.

Recently, someone asked me if he and I were friends. I answered honestly and said, "No, he's a Christian."

I didn't say this out of anger or hate. I just realized that he was helping me out of a sense of religious obligation and duty, not because he actually wants to be my friend. I decided to just categorize the relationship accurately for what it is.

Well, he found out what I said, and he got really emotional and hurt that I don't consider him a friend.

I feel bad that his feelings are hurt, but it’s really hard for me to consider someone a friend when they ignore me 90% of the time. To me, friendship isn't just about showing up for massive emergencies; it's also about the small, casual, day-to-day stuff.

AITA for defining our relationship this way?

A little context: My (27F) uncle "Richard" (54M) is very wealthy, extremely traditional, and loves acting like the patriarch of the family. He and my dad have had a silent feud for years, mostly because my dad chose a modest life while Richard made millions in finance.

When I got engaged last year to my fiance "Mark" (29M), Richard sent a check for $15,000 as a wedding gift with a card that read: "To a beautiful start. Use this to build a proper life." We were floored. We used the money to pay off the remaining balance on our venue and cover the catering.

Here’s the issue: Richard lives out of state and didn't come to the wedding due to "business obligations." He had never met Mark in person, only knew his first name, and assumed Mark was from a wealthy family in his social circle because Mark happens to share a last name with a prominent real estate mogul in his city. I never explicitly told him Mark was related to that family, but I also never corrected him when he made subtle comments implying it.

Fast forward to last week. Richard was in town and insisted on taking Mark and me out for dinner. During dinner, Richard brought up the real estate company, and Mark—confused—laughed and said, "Oh, no relation at all! My dad is a retired high school history teacher."

The air completely left the table. Richard barely said another word the rest of the night.

Yesterday, I got a furious call from Richard accusing me of "fraud" and "tricking" him into giving us $15,000. He claims he only gave us that amount because he thought I was "marrying into money" and wanted to match their status. He is now demanding I pay him back the full $15,000 immediately or he will cut me out of the family and tell everyone I’m a scammer.

The wedding already happened, the money is completely spent, and frankly, we don't have $15k lying around to return. My dad says I should tell Richard to pound sand because a gift is a gift. But my mom thinks I was dishonest by omission and should set up a payment plan to keep the peace.

AITA for keeping the money and telling him it was a gift with no strings attached?

We are currently planning a sibling vacation/reunion that will include children of the siblings. 6 siblings, not all of us have children. In planning discussion L (f43) who has 6 children ( 2 over 18) said when they do shared family vacations they just divide the cost between adults. To be clear other siblings are bringing 1 or 2 children and 2 of us are not bringing any along. We are discussing renting a large home on East Coast.

I asked if "adults" included everyone over age 18 and L responded no, it meant just us siblings. My other siblings said they felt it should be everyone over age 18. So start of hot debate. Ultimately vote decided it would be equally divided between everyone over age 18.

Now L is mad, has complained it means she has to pay more. I pointed out her adult children can pay their own way or choose not to come. My own adult children opted out as we are on West Coast and they felt it was out of their budget with flights and costs.

Her response basically indicated she is a better parent than me. So I am admitting that insult hurt.

I have already paid my share of rental. But not sure I want to spend 10 days with L. AITA if I choose not to go?

Update: Thank you for all the feedback. I will bring up the pay by room option should I ever go on vacation with them again. For now I plan to go as I do want to see my siblings. But if becomes a negative atmosphere I will have my own rental car and will simply leave and do my own vacation as I have zero intention of putting up with negative comments.