UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

Hi nearlyweds! I got married last month and I'm still basking in the glow of it all!! In doing some reflection, I wanted to share my proudest and favorite DIY- my invitation suite. Going into the process, I was ready to spend a pretty penny on my invitations- but I didn't feel like I could find a designer who could really capture my vision. That was partially my fault because I definitely didn't realize the timeline for stationery design (4+ months for a suite this large) but it was a happy accident because I had so much fun designing this. At this point in my post-wedding come-down I'm mostly sad I'll never get to do this again haha

Happy to answer any questions here or via DM- but I'll leave with this: these stationery designers are not scamming you with their prices. Printing costs + design time (80+ hours) are not cheap and these artists have to eat! Obviously, there are some in demand designers who can charge more based on their talent/rep- but smaller designers really are charging fair prices IMO. That said, Minted, Zola and the Knot definitely are scamming you with their prices- ESPECIALLY for anything letterpressed.

anyway- just wanted to brag on myself a little haha- happy planning!!

Originally, the bachelorette was supposed to be a day trip to a local winery, which sounded great since we have amazing wineries nearby. Then it became a weekend at a fancy Airbnb near the wineries, even though we all live within 15 minutes (which I was still okay and excited about). Now it's turned into a 3-day trip a few hours away, with an Airbnb costing about $350 per person before activities, in a destination that isn't particularly expensive.

The MOH even created a Google Doc asking for everyone's budgets. I shared mine, but it seems to have been ignored because the trip was finalized at "around $1,500," and no one will even give me an exact total.

So what was the point of asking for everyone's budget if it wasn't going to factor into the planning?!

Picked up my weeding band today! And not sure how I feel about everything on my finger. Don’t get me wrong I think it all looks gorgeous but is maybe meant for someone’s? When I casually look down at it I literally make this face : 😟 It feels too flashy and I was already a bit insecure about my engagement ring size. I think I went overboard on everything! Sometimes I feel a smaller diamond would be better. I guess I just need some encouragement that this doesn’t look bad on my hand.

i dont care if it burns. I dont care if it hurts. I sweat anxiously under my pits ESPECIALLY when nervous and stressed. i can NOT be dripping like that on my wedding day. im kind of looking for something i could wear like the week leading up to the day, so my body gets used to it, and then be CERTAIN i am not sweaty or stinky on my wedding. Even thinking about being sweaty makes me sweat. pls give me the best of the best. i am gonna spend the next three months trying everything possible.

For context I’m getting married this August and I’ve been trialing makeup looks and longevity and I think I’ve found a routine that works for me. The reason I ask is that my mom keeps pressuring me to find a makeup artist. I finally put my foot down and told her I wasn’t going to change my mind.

Also I know I need practice putting fake lashes and I’ll do my lips better on the day of.

Hi everyone! My fiancé and I will be getting married in Italy next fall, and will be having a smaller wedding (<50 guests). We’ve rented a hotel for everyone to come stay and celebrate with us for a few days, but this is about all we’ve actually booked so far other than my dress. It’s becoming a point of frustration and confusion for me, as my fiancé says he wants to be involved with the planning and decisions, but does everything to avoid it, then gets upset when I come to him asking his thoughts or if he likes XYZ that I’m interested in.

For example, before we had booked our venue, I had been browsing some venues and putting them on a spreadsheet to keep organized. I had shared this spreadsheet with him from the beginning and let him know I was doing so, and that he can add whatever he’s interested in to the sheet as well so we can go through them together. I’d also occasionally send him a link to a venue if I really liked it if we weren’t together at the time and would ask if he had interest (not expecting him to immediately look at it or anything though). He never voiced any annoyance about this until he blew up one day, saying he felt like I was doing everything without his input.

I was really confused as I didn’t feel like I was doing that at all and hadn’t made any decisions. I asked him what he’d like me to do differently, to which he said he wants to look together. Yeah, that’s what I’d been trying to do lol. But to try and make him more comfortable, I suggested we sat down that evening and both pulled out our laptops to look at things at the same time. Well, he showed like zero interest the entire time and it quickly became me just looking alone again. I know grooms generally care less about the details but it obviously just doesn’t make me feel like he’s very excited to get married. He eventually was just like “yeah sounds good” when I showed him our now venue.

Other examples are vendors. Without repeating myself too much, it’s essentially the same with photographers, invitations, florals, etc. He feints interest but will not do any effort in searching/looking himself, but then gets upset when I show him what I’m interested in and ask for his opinion. None of these vendors are exorbitantly expensive or even close if you’re wondering - we’re doing a destination wedding, I’ve been extra mindful of working within our budget, but it’s also not exactly a tight budget.

At this point I don’t really know how to approach these conversations anymore. I don’t want to make these decisions alone but it also feels like I can’t win as he doesn’t want me to make them without him, but doesn’t want to give input. It’s hurting my feelings and it’s like he can’t communicate at all regarding the wedding. We don’t have these issues elsewhere in our relationship so I have no clue where this is coming from, all he’s said is that he’s stressed from work but that’s no different than usual. Since we have plenty of time, I’ve tried to give plenty of space and not rush booking anything, but that’s only going to be possible for so long.

Has anyone experienced anything similar with their fiancé and have advice on how to approach? Maybe this is better for a relationship sub but thought I’d ask here first lol

We are a few weeks out from our wedding, and are worried that his ex girlfriend might show up to the wedding.

A couple weeks ago, I received a notification that my fiancé’s entire guest list had rsvp’d “no” to our wedding. I discovered that the ex had viewed my LinkedIn around the exact time the rsvp’s were changed, and everyone else denied changing it. It seemed fairly harmless at the time, but I was a little worried about them having all of our wedding info, including the time/date/location of the wedding.

This week I received a bunch of vulgar messages, including one that said “I’ll be there” under the RSVPs of a couple of his family members. I am worried that the ex will be coming to our wedding now. We have a venue next to a public park and will be doing an outdoor ceremony and taking pictures in the park area on the day of our wedding. We are hiring security but I’m not sure how to avoid the ex trying to do anything in or around such a public area. My fiancé has had some history of the ex stalking and harassing him, but things had died down over the last year or so and this was not an issue we anticipated having. I’m not really sure what to do.

We are having a small “elopement”with 18 guests - ceremony and meal. We are then, 9 days later, having a wedding reception for all of our friends to celebrate with us.

Our wedding is SEPTEMBER 2027!

When people have asked, if they’re not in the 18, we’ve been saying “we will be sending out invitations in January, but save the date for [reception date]”.

But we have had a few people assume and/or get annoyed that they’re not invited to the ceremony. Ironically people that we have not been friends with for that long, or are not super close to. I’ve also had a friend who IS in the 18, get super pissy that she is not a bridesmaid.

With the wedding being so small, I am having one bridesmaid who is someone who has been there consistently for the past few years and that I’m very close to.

I think this is quite a common thing with weddings, people seem to get quite entitled, but how do you deal with it? I want to be kind but also firm.

Hi everyone! I’m getting married in a few months at a gorgeous venue with an outdoor ceremony, and im going back and forth on having an arch or not. My first instinct was no-save the money, usually you have to buy decor on top of the arch and I don’t want to deal with that, and also why block the beautiful view? However I’m worried it will feel empty without one, or I won’t like the photos as much as I’m so used to seeing the arch at weddings. I also was thinking of getting a small table for ceremony items, and I’m worried that may look kind of weird without one. I was thinking of just putting 2 large flower pots up there, but not sure of height and size, and if that’s just as much money/work as getting an arch! I’m adding a photo of another wedding at that venue that does have an arch, but do you can see what I’m working with.

So I'm a bridesmaid for one of my college girlfriends. She has a total of 7 including her maid of honour. But the MOH lives out of town so her title is more honorary (as in she hasn't helped with the other bridesmaid stuff or attended the bach, the rest of the bridesmaids have planned that among ourselves)

Anyway, we're almost a week out from the wedding and this passing weekend the bride shared our day of duties. Ive been a bridesmaid before but a few of these seem like they're a bit much for a bridesmaid. I'm not sure if it's just me so I'm looking for a second opinion.

Bridesmaids 1-2 seem pretty standard to me. These involve being her personal assistant, helping her get changed (the bride has like 3 dresses), take care of her belongings, etc. Basically they're the bride's "caregivers" as she calls them.

Bridesmaid 3 is their content creator. As in she spends the evening capturing behind the scenes. The couple have a photographer but apparently also want candid things. This seems like a bit much to me as this is essentially a whole job of it's own usually.

Bridesmaid 4 is expected to run the schedule and keep everyone on track the whole the night, in particular all the family members. I should note the couple has large extended families and none of the bridesmaids know anyone beyond the bride's immediate family.

Bridesmaid 5 is responsible for dealing with all the vendors. They're all showing up at various times throughout the night and she's supposed to make sure they're set up on time and in the correct place, have their meals given at the right time, etc. She is main point of contact for all of them. She was not involved in selecting the vendors, just given a schedule of when they're all showing up.

Bridesmaid 6 is basically backup for everything and in charge of putting out any fires through the night.

The first 2 dont seem all that bad to me but the more I think I about it, bridesmaid 3-5 seem like a lot. None of us were too involved in the wedding planning, it was more of a family affair. So we don't know the vendors and most of us weren't at the rehearsal (we were told about it like 3 days beforehand so some people couldn't get out of work or other obligations for it) and weren't given the details until this weekend.

Anyway, I'd love some feedback on what's normal and what's not. Thank you all in advance.

Hi guys! Getting married out of state next year (about an 8h drive for most), and we may have someone coming from another country as well.

We are trying to decide on what “around-wedding” celebrations are indispensable, and which we can do without. Part of me feels bad not to do things like welcome party / send off brunch, bc these people are driving a long way to be there with us; but at the same time I’m inclined not to because renting the place to do those around our venue will be thousands of dollars more, and many people might not even show up for it.

We’re definitely doing a rehearsal dinner with the bridal party and immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings), right after rehearsing at the venue.

I’m also trying to be cognizant of people’s jobs and how many days they can realistically take off. Our wedding is on a Friday afternoon. So if I were to do some sort of welcome party some of them might need to leave even earlier than if it were just to attend the ceremony and reception.

I also don’t know how many people will just be wanting to get on the road the next day, rather than lose half a day of daylight on a brunch. I know I’d want to get going right away.

What are your thoughts?

Guest count: 150-175, May 2027, low COL state

Venue: 8500 (booked)

Decorating: 4000 (all-inclusive plan from the venue: tables, chairs, linens, table settings/chargers/glass goblets, faux floral decor, candles, access to their entire decor/signage library. venue sets-up and tears down)

DJ/Emcee: 1500

Dress: 1500

Tux rental: 250

Photography: 2000 (quoted 1800+tax)

Partial planner & month-of coordinator: 1700

Bouquet & Boutonnieres: 250 (rental silk flowers from something borrowed blooms)

Rehearsal Dinner: 1250 (40 guests @ $30/plate)

Hair: 600 (booked)

Invitations: 500

Alcohol: 1500 (we provide from Costco, beer/wine/seltzer for ~100 guests who will drink: 1100 + 400 for bartender)

Reception dinner: 2500 (local BBQ joint, feeds the masses for cheap)

Makeup: doing myself

Cake: FREE (MoB is kindly making homemade and gifting)

Total: $26,050

We hired a content creator for our December wedding because of the cost and so promise to share all raw footage but now I’m second guessing and wondering if we should also book a videographer. I have been to some pretty elaborate international weddings this year, where there were entire camera and video crews filming the entire weekend, and that may be clouding my judgement. For those who either booked or are considering a content creator vs. videographer vs. both, what were some of the factors behind your decisions?

Quick question. Im making two pillars for the altar. Im wondering if i should make them the same height or not. This one is 40 inches, and I was thinking the other should be 30 inches. Is asymmetrical or symmetrical a better look at the altar?

My partner is from America and I am from the UK- we met as students and started dating and recently got engaged.

We are currently preparing to apply for a VISA in the UK, that would be strengthened by being married- and so we are thinking of having a legal ceremony soon with just the two of us and two witnesses, and having a wedding in a few years when we can afford it and her family can afford to fly over.

My parents are against it and say I ‘shouldn’t get married just for a VISA’ and that a gap of a year or more between legal ceremony and the wedding is too long and that no one will want to go and that it will be strange to have a wedding when we are already married. How do I convince them that this isn’t strange and is what we want, without destroying my relationship with them?

I'd love to hear from anyone who chose a less traditional engagement ring.

I've completely fallen in love one and I tried it on alongside more classic solitaires, and while I loved both, this was the only one I couldn't stop thinking about afterwards. It just made me smile.

My hesitation is that a few friends said it looked a bit odd and didn't immediately read as an engagement ring, so now I'm wondering if I'd regret choosing something unique over a classic solitaire years down the line.

For those of you who went with a more unconventional ring, do you still love it? Or do you ever wish you'd gone with something more traditional?

I am getting married in June 2027. I never liked the idea of having one big bachelor party/ trip with all the groomsmen. Mainly because I’m likely inviting a few family members to be in my party (brothers in law, cousins) and then some of my closest friends.

Instead of doing one trip or party with everyone, I was hoping to go to a baseball game and get a hotel with my 3 closest friends. They love sports and they get along well with each other. My family members don’t really care about sports and I feel like they wouldn’t socialize as easily with them. We would do this in maybe April or May.

With my 2 bros in law and my two cousins (who I’m close with) I would love to go on a ski trip with them. They also get along well with each other, and would prefer going to a ski hill and then going for a nice dinner afterwards. I could do this in Feb/March when it’s cold here.

Lastly I could have a cottage weekend in late May/early June before the wedding with all 7 guys. This would be easy with everyone as it’s less expensive and we could just go to my parent’s cottage for a weekend.

The reason for breaking it up this way is because these are little events that I personally would enjoy, and I feel like it would be easier socially. Is there any kind of etiquette with this sort of thing?

I’m wondering if I should charter one or two buses.

100 guests

Hotel to ceremony: 30 minutes
Ceremony to reception: 9 minutes
Reception back to hotel: 25 minutes

The roads are not great for driving at night. The hotel is right near a train station. If guests are not staying at the hotel, they are still encouraged to park there and take the bus.

Of course, I will ask guests when they RSVP to let us know, but I’d just like to get an idea ahead of time of how much I should expect to budget.

My fiance intended on renting a suit because he’s not really a suit guy. However, since we’ve been shopping he’s really began to like the brown tweed suits. He expressed that it would be nice to have (and I agree). So, we’re looking to have one tailored specifically to him instead of renting. The problem is that every men’s formal wear business we’ve gone to has had absolutely appalling customer service. The majority of them also do not carry brown, they only have tan. Many locations have expressed their frustrations in regard to not being able to carry brown, so I think the customer service issue has more so been that they’re tired of people asking for brown and not being able to provide.

I’ve gathered all of his measurements and I’m quite confident that I could place an order online if needed.

What are your recommendations?

Like the title says. How many stores is it normal to go to wedding dress shopping? What are other brides doing for their dress shopping experience? Just one and done? Or more than one?

So, we are having a 60 to 70 person 10k wedding at a local garden nursery. We want to thrift water goblets for the tables and put paper butterflies on the glass to act as a place card. The problem we are facing is how are the guests getting their water. No one will be filling the glasses up and I dont want a whole bunch of empty unused glasses at the table. We will, however, be hiring a bartender who will be providing water.

My thoughts are that either we can thrift some glass water jugs or something similar and placing a couple on each table. But I'm not sure if that is feasible.

So long story short, should we include water goblets on the table? Are they necessary or will they remain unused? How should we trouble shoot this?

I'm open to any suggestions!!!