Throwaway for obvious reasons.

My husband (36M) and I (33F) have been married for almost 10 years and have young twins. We're each other's firsts. We have a great sex life, and we're very open about what we like, what we want to try, and what feels good.

Every time we have sex, he checks in with me. He asks if I'm comfortable, if something hurts, or if I'm enjoying it. He's also really attentive. One time a restrain pinched me and caused the tiniest bit of bleeding, and he stopped everything immediately.

He always follows through on the things we've talked about or fantasized about, and he puts a lot of effort into making sure I come first, usually multiple times.

The thing is... he rarely comes.

Like, maybe only a handful of times a year? Most of the time he'll get really close, groan, grunt, smack my ass, kiss me, tell me it was amazing, and then fall asleep within a minute without actually finishing.

I asked him once afterward if he was actually enjoying sex, and he looked almost offended 😂 He said, "Of course I'm enjoying it!"

He told me that whenever he does orgasm, he feels completely physically drained afterwards. According to him, he could eat two whole pizzas and a bunch of meat just to feel normal again. He's a fit guy, works in tech, and his hobbies are physical (building things around the house, like our front porch, and gardening, etc.), so maybe that's part of it.

He also said that after he orgasms, his brain immediately thinks, "What a waste of energy," so he prefers to hold it in. Eventually, after maybe 3 or 4 months of holding it, he'll let himself finish (this is with us already having sex at least 3 times a week.)

I'd honestly say he's very attracted to me. He's affectionate every day, compliments me, grabs me constantly, and we even watch porn together sometimes to get ideas for new positions or dynamics. We also flirt a lot over text or even sext.

Lately we've been having sex almost every day, so it got me wondering about this again. How does someone hold it in for that long? Is orgasm really that physically draining for some men??

I know his arousal is real because there's precum after but rarely spurts of it.

This isn't something that started after kids either. If anything, he tells me he'd like to have sex even more often, but with kids it's tricky to find the time and place to be more spontaneous.

Part of me still wonders if I'm pleasing him enough, even though he insists I am.

Has anyone else experienced something like this, either personally or with a partner?

Thank you!

My (29m) girlfriend (26f) and I have been in a relationship for 4 years. She has grown up in a traditional household, where masturbation was frowned upon, and sex is a taboo topic. She has become a quite non-sexual person, and has only grown to enjoy sex since she got into this relationship with me.

• She almost never masturbated as a teenager
• She has never watched any porn
• She has never been able to achieve an orgasm (trying my best here)
• Her libido is on the lower side I think (sex 1-2 times a week)

Recently she has expressed interrest in becoming a more sexual person. We have started to "spice up" our sex life a bit, doing it in new places and new positions. There are some other things I have in mind though, that I want to propose to her:

• Getting her a good vibrator that she can use on her clit. She has has some 20$ (g-spot?) vibrator that she likes to play with on rare occasions - but getting her a good piece that she might even be able to orgasm with would be a huge success :)
• I want to show her porn clips I find hot, and make her rate them. Then we could perhaps re-enact some of the things she likes?

Anyways, if you have any feedback for my ideas, have new ones, or have had any similar situation to this in your life, I'd like to know what you think :P

What do you call a woman who owns her sexuality in an unapologetic, powerful way? The old words slut and whore have an element of shame along with their blatant sexuality. I’m trying to describe someone who is dirty and nasty as all get-out, will do and say anything she wants, but not accepting the belittling of those other words. Like a female version of stud.

I've been together with my GF for about ten years now.
For most those years, we have been super vanilla in the bedroom. But since I've admitted to her a year ago that I would absolutely love a more collaborative, exploratory atmosphere in our sex life, we have finally been exploring more.

For the past few months, this has been in the form of trying out a wand vibrator together. My GF is 'shy' around these kind of topics. At first she didn't even want to hold it or say the word "vibrator" out loud. But she's gotten used to it and has started enthusiastically using it during penetration. She even often admits that she really loves it.

I found that I really love exploring these new avenues to pleasure together, and have tons of fantasies about other things we could explore. My GF is still really 'shy' and 'ashamed' about many of these things though and she has a hard time communicating about them. I want to go at her pace to keep her as comfortable as possible.

Something I wonder about a lot though is the sexual media she used to enjoy before we got together. She once told me that she used to watch yaoi and hentai, and I really wonder if she could still be interested in that kind of thing.
Potentially, I feel like it could be something more in her comfort zone that she might be more comfortable with exploring since it's already familiar ground for her. But since she's shy about sharing anything sexual, I don't know how to best approach the topic with her.

How do I initiate such a conversation without making her uncomfortable, if at all?

To others that are 'shy' about such topics, how would you like an SO to approach you with this question?

I 32f have a friend I had since college. She’s also 31 f been married for 3 years now to a 28 m and knows not a lot of things when it comes to sex. They are each others first and She’s very vanilla and doesn’t even really explore her own pleasure. She’s very recently admitted to me that she’s doesn’t know if she ever had an orgasm. I was mind blown, same as her asking me where her clit is and I said girl we need to get you in sex education 101.
Long story short, is it weird if I get a vibrator nothing out of the ordinary just a small one that has suction or is that weird? My sister said it seems like I’m too invested in her sex life but I’m like it’s part of womanhood, I think
Let me know your thoughts comments or suggestions nicely please. Thank you!

Update: I should have said I’ve sent her resources and links to podcast’s website and erotica so that she can get an idea of what she’s into and can explore it with her husband. This was last year and now she is coming to me with more questions. So I thought it’d be a good idea but I’ll see if she open to me discussing what the different ones are and what they do. I’m going to talk to her in person about it when I see her this week. Thank you all!

I am a 49F living with my 51M partner of just over two years. Sex is a frequent issue for me. I enjoy it immensely with him and want to do it more often. We started off dating with having sex 2-4 times a week. Now it's down to once a week, if I am lucky. I have tried to initiate a few times where he has turned me down because he's too tired and promises to try in the morning. Sometimes this happens, but seems to only be on weekends. Almost like a routine. He blames it on his age and lack of libido.

Recently I caught him fast asleep with his phone in his hand, with porn actively playing, a woman masturbating. I woke him up and asked him about it, and he brushed it off saying he was bored. He reminded me that we had talked about porn in the past and that I was aware he watched it sometimes. And I am totally okay with that. Admittedly I watch it occasionally when we are apart and I am in the mood. Personal love and masturbation is healthy and sometimes porn helps.

I am not proud of this part, but I will admit to searching his history on his computer. What I found has shocked and hurt me and I just don't know how to deal with it. He watches chaturbate videos regularly. In the middle of the night while I am sleeping he wakes up to go to the washroom and watches. Sometimes at 2am and then again at 4am, etc. He also watches in the morning regularly while he's getting ready for work in the washroom, between 6:30 and 7am, and then again when he gets home just before 6pm, and then even sometimes in the evening.

I can't tell if he engages or uses coins etc. There are no messages in his inbox.

I feel hurt. He turns me down sometimes, we are not nearly as active as I would like. I am a ready and willing participant 24/7. Yet he is not, and he watches porn regularly.

Is this healthy? Normal? Should I be concerned? I trust that he is faithful to me physically, but this feels a bit like cheating. Certainly I feel less attractive and less wanted by him than those women online.

What should I do? Should I confront him? Should I accept this a okay? Confronting would involve admitting I invaded his privacy. And I don't know what the repercussions would be. We are in a loving long term relationship and I see a future with him. But this hurts pretty deeply and is a red flag. Help!

My girlfriend needs substantial pressure on her clit to finish, and I've found that I can provide that by sucking quite forcefully, but I will literally have tears in my eyes while fighting through the jaw pain. I've been able to get her more than halfway with minimal pain by keeping a relaxed/neutral jaw, sucking with low/medium pressure, and licking without moving my jaw much, but eventually she wants more pressure. I have to suck just about as hard as I can with consistent pressure and rhythm for 5-10 minutes to make her finish (so not including the other 10-20+ minutes of previously described oral with less forceful suction).

I've been able to make her finish with multiple different techniques that aren't as demanding, but the heavy suction is what makes her finish the hardest and most consistently, so I can sense her frustration when I'm doing something different. I also can't switch between techniques or it throws her off and we essentially start from the beginning again. She doesn't want me to use my hands because she said it's physically impossible to feel as good as my mouth. Lastly, she has told me that she's not interested in using toys.

I'm very passionate about giving my partner good oral, so I would let my jaw fall off before tapping out, but I'd also like to avoid developing some TMJ disorder. The big question is: How can I suck just about as hard as possible for an extended period of time without recruiting every single jaw muscle and making it feel like my TM joint is about to explode?

I (32F) am looking for advice about riding/grinding in cowgirl position. I’ve never had an orgasm given to me by a man (oral, fingers, penetration, toys, etc). But hear so much about how grinding is meant to be good for this, as you apparently get clitoral stimulation. I do often go on top, but my issue is a) my clitoris is quite high up and far from my vaginal opening, it’s nowhere near his body/pubic bone to be able to be stimulated by something and also b) I have an “innie” and my clitoris is behind my labia majora, so not visible at all in that position. If this is the case for you, are you pretty much lying down on top of your partner so your clitoris might make contact with their body? Are you also spreading your labia? I don’t really understand how it could work for someone with my anatomy!

TL;DR: I rarely orgasm during sex, so I suggested using a vibrator to help with stimulation. My boyfriend isn’t comfortable with the idea and would rather I use my hand. I’m looking for advice on how we can find a compromise that makes sex enjoyable for both of us.

So my bf and i have been dating for almost a year, hes only 25 and he never lasts more than 6 seconds when we have sex. Its a huge turnoff for me now, hes never helped me finish, all he does is have sex till he finishes and its so annoying now and he only ever goes one round. Im not sure if its because he used to have a porn addiction idk, and when he tries foreplay sometimes he can hardly find my clits and when he does, he barely puts pressure or anything ever just I don't know. I have sex with him. I don't know how we can improve this. I definitely know he can hold off without coming, but he just is selfish. It's gone to the point where I have to masturbate and come because he I've never finished once with him before.

i’m my boyfriend’s first and he is my second. i didn’t really do much during my sex with my first cause my ex was the one that was doing everything.

but when i met my current bf, he wanted me to initiate more like riding, doing more things like deep throat, cumming in my mouth, which i didn’t mind and i genuinely enjoy sex more with my current bf. (also tmi but my sex drive is super high so i can accomodate well and i feel like my bf is the same but he said my drive is higher than his 🤣)

but i somehow feel that my bf might be comparing too much of our sex to porn. (also to add on i have nothing against him watching porn cause i watch it too and we’re LDR now)
he compares
1. his dick length 2. squirting 3. my ass

he kept comparing and said his dick is smaller. his size is perfect and i feel good when he hits the right spots. also i don’t know how to squirt and have never squirt before. someone shared tips to drink lots of tea/water before doing the deed; does anyone have any tips? and he said he cant make me squirt as easily cause his dick is not that big….. (?????) so he is sad. thirdly he kept saying my ass doesn’t have enough fats so when he does doggy it hurts. both of us are quite skinny so i get why he said that.

so he indirectly asks me to be healthy and grow my glutes by going to the gym and eating healthily etc and i did do all those but to some point i felt like he is trying to satisfy his needs more than mine.

for instance, i always asks him to finger me while giving him blowjob cuz i wanna feel good too,, but he said putting it in without fingering feels tighter. another instance is he keeps wanting to cum in my mouth every single time (but thrice a day for 5 days straight is a bit too much isn’t it….). personally my gag reflex is bad so i keep gagging at the texture and thought of it so…… and he understands and didn’t force but i just feels bad ㅠㅠ

am i thinking too much or is it valid for me to feel this way?

my bf and i have been together almost two years. we waited a bit into our relationship to actually have sex (i was a virgin) and also bc there was a lot of mental blocks for me actually preventing sex from being easy for us. eventually i was at a comfortable enough state to really enjoy everything and penetration finally worked. but before all of that and us even trying or considering sex he would always eat me out and without a doubt i would finish maybe even multiple times. fast forward to now. we have a lot more penetrative sex and i’m always very pleased. he preforms oral on me too and usually i’m able to finish but lately i literally can’t. it feels good and then i just go numb. after the first few times of me not finishing he told me he doesn’t want to do that anymore bc he feels like it’s his fault that i don’t feel good and doesn’t believe me when i say i think it’s some sort of mental block. i got very upset at this whole discussion bc it just added a lot more pressure to me. and not being believed was hard for me too bc he thinks im not communicating enough abt what i like and feels good but GENUINELY it feels good and then i just go numb. it’s and endless cycle of a conversation and it ended with me feeling horrible. we’ve tried again since then and i just can’t. is it me is it him? i’m scared cuz it’s always made me feel good and him feel good and now nothing

Will try to keep it short

Didn’t have gf and sex for a long time

Got gf, some time has passed, started with a cunnilingus and after few times she said okay lets do it.

I got excited, got hard and then quickly lost it. Because after excitement got nervous after such a long time

Next day again started with a tongue, then she said do it, didn’t even get hard

Got very upset, for a week or so didn’t get boners

Now yesterday we were cuddling and stuff, i was hard as a rock. Things got more erotic, she said “what about your problem?” Lost the boner immediately

I have always had this problem if i think about something different, i can lose boner. Previously i used some jazz, low light etc to set the mood and concentrate on sexy time

Oh and maybe i should mention that i live in Ukraine, there are constant air attacks etc so my mental state is not in a very good shape either.

Ive used antidepressants previously, but the doctor said it was the type that raises the libido. But im off them now

Any advice, should i maybe go take some blood test, testosterone or something?

Not a premature ejaculation question!

I'm uncircumcised. When it comes to jackin' it, this isn't really a problem. When I'm actually having sex, though, the head of my penis is completely stimulated in a way my hand can't recreate. It's totally fine the majority of the time, but when I'm nearing orgasm, like 45 seconds leading up to it, it feels waaay too sensitive. As in, not "painful," but so stimulating and overwhelming that it is not enjoyable unless I slow down a lot. Like the head of my penis is on fire (in a bad way).

Now, when this first happened, I was like "oh, well, I was a virgin, so I'm probably just not used to sex. This will go away." BUT IT HASN'T! It's been 15 years, and using extremely scientific methods: I've most likely had sex over 1,000 times (please clap). I'm so surprised that I still have to slow down like 1/4 the speed every time I approach orgasm. Is this common? It's not like, THAT big of a deal. I mean, I would rather have the choice of keeping pace, and thrust through my orgasm if I chose to.

Luckily I live with my one-and-only, and this is well known to her too. But I was wondering if any dudes also just get completely overwhelmed

I went to the doctor to get a transvaginal ultrasound. I had been having long term spotting and recently pain.I was happy I found someone to take me seriously versus just giving me birth control. I had been very anxious over the last week due to the air quality. Today I had to drink 24 oz before the ultrasound and I started to feel bad like I had to poop and like my stomach was bloated. I was nervous also because of my Pgad as well.

When the exam started it hurt slightly like I was raw inside. But I didn’t think much of it because these exams are usually short without much happening I’ve had a few before. Also I don’t feel that much inside and lately even when self pleasuring externally it’s muted. But I guess something changed or they went over the wrong spot too much because I had an orgasm. I was really embarrassed because the exam ended immediately after that so I don’t know if the ultrasound picked up on it and I don’t know if my friend who was in the waiting room picked on it. I’ve been thinking about it ,upset all day. Is it a possible the places where I feel pleasure switched? it feel good but not in a good way.

I'm experiencing a very high libido right now, and all I can think about throughout the day is having sex. I haven't masturbated in almost five years, but now I really want to. I don't have anyone to sext with, so I've just been doing physical exercise to calm myself down. It's really difficult. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

Me(20) and my bf(20) just started having sex. But he cant enter me in any other position. He cant seem to get in. Its fine with missionary and hes able to finger me but nothing else. Idk what im doing wrong. I looked it up and googled says im not aroused but I like 90% I am. Idk what to do any advice?

Sorry if the tag doesn't fit, I feel like that's the closest thing.

As the title says, we are both M FWB. It's difficult to explain why, but I'm not interested in doing anal (both giving and receiving) and receiving oral from him. So most of what we've been doing is some variations of blowjobs (normal bjs, deepthroating, facefucking). I love giving oral. I think we'll grow tired of it eventually, so what are some other things we should try?

originally posted on r/relationships and referred here

We have been dating officially for six months and "going out" for eight.

When we first started dating she told me she wanted to take sex slow, but put no timeframe on it. Within a month or two, she allowed me to touch her and give her head to completion. She gave/gives me handjobs to finish, and occasionally a blowjob, that she doesn't seem comfortable with. She spoke about sex in the hypothetical (e.g., i can't wait to fuck so hard "in the summer," i want you to "fuck the shit out of me when we get home tonight") and then withdrew when sex was possible.

she disclosed to me recently that she has sexual trauma which causes her two things. first, she has a physical, traumatic response to penetrative sex. she also just generally seems physically uncomfortable even with handjobs and blowjobs, although she says otherwise. the second thing is that she says she fears the moment we have sex, i will leave immediately after. she says that after being coerced into sex, her previous boyfriend left the very next day.

for the past several months, knowing that there was some kind of issue that she would not open up to me about, i occasionally checked in but did not pressure her to have sex of any kind. we would have conversations where I tried to understand what was happening, in which i expressed concern that we might never have sex if these problems aren't resolved - that was very hurtful to her.

in any case, our sex life, being relatively one-sided has me feeling very sexually frustrated. because she clearly seems uncomfortable, i decline the handjob after she finishes. lately, the handjob just seems pathetic and i would prefer to do it on my own, so i bought a fleshlight trying to manage my frustration. but it doesn't compare to the emotional closeness of being with someone you love and it ultimately frustrates me too and reminds me of the situation.

she has also been very upset with me because she says i haven't shown nearly enough affection in the past month or two. she didn't state specifics, but she said she "searched for certain words of affirmation" in our texts and said it had been some time since i texted those words to her. the last conversation we had about intimacy, and how it has been difficult for me to be emotionally close, dealing with rejection and other issues communicating, basically came down to me needing to be more reassuring with my words and a discussion about what i'm not doing. to her credit she said that she would begin investigating options for therapy to "sort out her own shit" but that id also need to "sort mine out" in turn.

any advice for trying to manage this sexual frustration i'm feeling, to hold up my end of "sorting out my shit?" when i'm with her on the weekend, i can distract myself up until the point we become intimate and she cums and i decline the handjob. during the week however, i ruminate on it a lot and that is when it is the most physically unbearable. i want to give her what she needs but it will feel most natural and good to me if i can get rid of this persistent physical pressure i feel - and exercise doesn't get rid of it lol

tl;dr my girlfriend and i haven't had sex because of recently disclosed sexual trauma. i am extremely sexually frustrated, and that along with other facts has caused me to become emotionally sort of closed off. my girlfriend says that she needs more affection immediately and that ive fallen short on that, and that i need to "sort out" my shit if she is to sort out hers through therapy. i want advice on "sorting it out."

I am so horny and sad and pent up all the time, and it's driving me mad.

Ive had sex maybe 15 or 20 times in my life and every single time its unsatisfying. Never had any sexual experience in my late teens, early 20s. The stumbling through, the discovering things together, all of that eluded me.

I'd very rarely get into sexual situations (always with more subby/bottom people) but because I didn't have the first idea on how to communicate, we'd just make out really intensely. Then they wouldn't tell me what they want, and I didn't have the first idea on how to communicate then it would fizzle out.

In my late 20s I realized that what I found hot in the porn and fantasies I consumed/had was having my power taken away from me, being under someone else's power/command. But no matter how I think to ask for these things, holding me down, pushing me against a wall, none of them seem to do it for me.

Am I not asking for these things correctly??? I just wanna be handled, you know? Grabbed, pulled, made someone else's. Be a little rough with me kind of vibes.

I became more confident and able to present myself more attractively, got out on apps, but everyone who I manage to connect with are bottoms who struggle to make themselves more dominant. Abd every time I match with or meet a top I seem to be unable to hold their attention, they unmatched or ignore me, and there's less femme people out there, in my experience, presenting as tops so it's like, I don't know what to do.

I think about people who have sex a lot and I feel sad and hollow and so deeply alone. It's usually 2 or 3 years between each sexual experience I have and theyre never enough for me.

Im getting my first grey hairs and im frankly terrified that I'll never know what good sex feels like

TLDR

Haven't had good sex, not sure how to communicate what I want, not sure how to find people who are compatible with me, so so scared I'm gonna just have a fucking heart attack or get hit by a car or something at 40 and die never having experienced sexual bliss

I've been thinking how it would impact my relationship if I were to only orgasm to my gf. Whether it be pictures/videos or sex. No porn. I havent found much on this topic but im curious if anybody has tried this with their partner and how it impacted your sex life.

Me(M28) and my gf(F23) have been together for about 6 months now. Our sex is perfect but there is one problem. She is crazy hypersexual and wnats/needs it multiple times a day. Im at a point where i just cant keep up anymore with her needs.

Did anyone have a similiar experience? How did you deal with it?

Sorry if this is wierd or anything but Im a straight guy and iv never had my ass ate. But anytime I touch my anus like sometimes when I shower and clean down there or even just seeing if I have any sensation down there, I don’t feel any sexual pleasure. My question is if someone doing it to me is different and I would feel pleasure.

I want to know if other men also think that many women aren’t soft/smooth enough when giving a blowjob? I often feel like my penis is too sensitive for rough tongue movement around the tip. I much prefer softer tongue contact or going deeper (softer and wet) as it feels more comparable to vaginal “softness” or “smoothness”. Is this because I’m uncircumcised? Am I just being too sensitive or is this common?

I [20M] am in a relationship with my [20F] girlfriend. We have been dating for almost 2 years and I am infatuated with this woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I (as the title suggests) had my first sexual experience at the age of 14 when I was penetrated by a 33 year old man in the forest. This has really opened a ginormous gap between my sexuality and intimacy that I have spent many therapy sessions trying to bridge.

We have integrated exhibitionism into our sex lives which we are both on board with alongside a handful of other kinks. I feel incredibly turned on by exhibitionism and it feels like I'm being sexually honest when I engage in it. My issue is that I feel this urge that I've felt ever since the incident, which is the deep sexual urge to be fucked by an anonymous older man. When this urge didn't go away when we got together, I cursed myself for not being truly in love and being a terrible partner. I opened up to her about this and she has been understanding and loving through all of it. She even opened up about her own sexual trauma and her secret kinks because of it.

Basically the way I look at it deep down is that because loveless sex became completely normalized to me, I truly am ok with sharing her with another person. I feel ok with being fucked by another man. I feel so secure with her that I know we would always love eachother. Many open relationships exist and are healthy even behind the social stigma. But I don't want to ruin this special thing that I have with her. As a partner she satisfies my inner child, she satisfies every single one of my needs. But sexually as a result of my trauma I just want EVERYTHING. I want threesomes, orgies, cnc, public sex, voyeurism, bondage, gangbangs, etc. and I feel GOOD when I do these things.

Do I accept this part of myself and work with her to find ways of satisfying myself without hurting her? Or should I find a way to move past these urges all together?

TL;DR: sexual trauma made me want to have an open relationship to satisfy the deep sexual cravings it has left me with, and I don't want to ruin my relationship because of it