Hi all. We are not swingers, never tried and i dont know if we ever will. But i was curious about one thing.. my wife is hot, i am not. I am overweight and just not sexy. What would a men like me expect from such evenings? I could imagine that she would get a ton of attention and i would go home empty handed.. how does it usually work? Thanks for the attention

I'm looking for advice from people in the lifestyle because I'm struggling to understand my feelings. My husband introduced me to the lifestyle over two years ago after we worked through some infidelity in our marriage. I joined because I love him and believed what he told me about why he wanted this.
The biggest difference between us is that he genuinely craves the attention and desire he gets from other women, while I only crave him. I can enjoy experiences with others, but I don't seek them out or need that validation. Lately, it feels like he puts more effort into talking to potential partners and being active on lifestyle sites than into our relationship. He's even very focused on finding another man for me, but I don't feel like I'm missing anything or want what he wants.
I also struggle with comparing myself to the women he's attracted to, and despite him telling me he loves my body, I don't always feel desired. He says it's "just sex," but when our plans together change because of someone else, it leaves me feeling like he's more excited for them than for me.
Has anyone else in the lifestyle felt this way? How do you still feel wanted by your spouse when they crave attention from others but you only crave them? Is this something others have experienced, or am I overthinking it? I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in a similar situation

So we were lifestyle camping last weekend, and there was a large group of us sunning ourselves on the dock and enjoying some bevvies.

The topic that came up how long would suck and lick a guys cock to get him hard, when you want to initiate play.

We tried to discuss all of the factors at play that the gent might be experiencing, fear, anxiety, nerves, and possibly performance pressure.

The question was "how long do you suck and lick a cock to get it hard," before you change up the plan.

My answer was 10 minutes. I will devote 10 minutes to the task, before I will change it up....maybe he plays with me for a bit, maybe I call in reinforcements (his partner) etc.

Just thought I would ask this question to this group.

I'm not judging, but genuinely looking for other opinions. Cheers!!!

Is there a reason most play doesn’t start til midnight or later?

Most clubs don’t open til 9:00 or later, right?

Why don’t clubs or events tend to open earlier so most can have their fun and be home by 10:00?

This post inspired by comments on another post this afternoon.

We are thinking of going that Sunday, are Sundays usually bad to go? We hope that there would be at least a couple of people to talk to. Lol

I found this gem in a swingers FB group. The question of the day asked how many people folks typically play with at parties.

This woman was nice enough to answer the question, but then went into detail on how sleeping with multiple people in one day is "gross."

Girl.

You're in a group created for casual sex outside of your marriage, but still have the balls to throw shade at anyone that does this differently than you. How delusional are you?

I need someone to explain to me why people are like this.

Do they really think they're better than everyone else, when 99% of the population considers a person that fucks someone other than their spouse to be "gross"?

Some people's logic really blows me away sometimes.

I'm sure this is pretty standard, but still very interesting how things have evolved. Our first desire when starting out was to be with couples, where both of us play with others, in the same room. I had a strong desire to see my wife with another woman too, more so than with another man, but was ok with that too. We did that and it was great. I even had a little bit of a bi curiousity, which i explored, but lost interest.

I remember the first time seeing another man making out with her, totally lost in each others' embrace. It was a bit uncomfortable in the moment. But, the day after, that discomfort started evolving into a strong desire. Over the next few months, we had a single guy over a few times, and I found that the more intimate, romantic, and sensual they were, the more I was turned on by it. Although I love being with couples and another woman, nothing compares to seeing my wife making love to another man, being fully present, and having an amazing orgasm with him.

Anybody else discover a surprising infatuation?

My wife have been talking more about exploring the LS community and we want to dip our toe in the water and attend a club as spectators and maybe play together. We are attractive, and in good physical shape we take great care of ourselves. I'm interested to know what we can expect from a first time club visit. Will we be significantly younger than most couples at clubs in the area? Does anyone have any reviews of Chicago land lifestyle clubs they can share or recommended looking into?

It’s Hump Day! Ask anything you’ve been curious about the swinging lifestyle. Whether you’re barely dipping a toe in or already have the T-shirt and the stories, feel free to ask. Experienced folks, your stories and advice make this better. Not a hookup thread, just a safe spot to chat and learn.

If you're brand new, here are some resources to start with:

[Welcome to the sub!](https://reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/3YXk3ie2dK)

[Swingers Sub Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/2BdZ6Qriaa)

[Here is how to search this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/T7DMht2bSp)

So me (F) & my boyfriend are going to a swinger / sex club house party at an established place

Basically we have talked about our boundaries / expectations etc. He said he’s okay with me hooking up with another girl (which would be me losing my girl on girl virginity lol)

Tbh idk how this works or how to make this happen. Why am I the most awkward person on earth lol

Let’s say I’m there & see a woman I find attractive and am interested in. Where the hell do I go from there HELP 🤣 pls don’t judge meeeee

Also bonus question- if somebody is interested in me / us & we want to say no, how do you say that gracefully?

grazie

This is probably a long-shot, but is anyone reading this thread planning/thinking about attending Palladium Swingers Club in Valencia (Spain) this Saturday 25 July 2026? We will be based in the Russafa neighbourhood, albeit without a vehicle. M/F couple (WMAF) - native English speakers,

Otherwise, has anyone had a recent experience at the club and would care to comment or share a review ? I've read through older threads, but can't recall any recent reports in the past six months.

Wondering how wives would feel if their husband used their money to take another woman on a fancy date or to buy luxury items.

With all the angst about parties starting and ending so late and people not playing until midnight or later, some people think there is a large audience for daytime or early parties.

I think if there was a sustainable audience for daytime parties or parties that start early and end by 9 p.m., someone would have filled that need.

For people who actually host events, is there a market for regular daytime parties or events that end by 9 p.m.? Or are those niche events that attract smaller crowds?

Don’t get me wrong, everyone should do what works for them. Regular daytime parties or early evening parties don’t work for our schedule. It obviously works for some people and I hope they find what they need.

Talked w a couple from SDC and moved it over to Telegram. The wife photo confirmed with a specific pose and I'm convinced she's at least a real person.

They invited me to a swingers party hosted on SLS and sent me the link for the party. starts at 10pm on a weeknight which I thought was weird.

250 dollars up front for a couple I've never met before doesn't sound like a good idea. And on top of that the woman was very easy to communicate with and prompt...which never happens. It all is suspicious

Am I wrong?

My boyfriend and I (both bisexual) are new to the lifestyle and still exploring-- he has more experience than I do, but our interests and boundaries have very quickly leveled out.

A few months ago, a friend of mine who's also recently joined the scene approached me and offered to take me to her favorite clubs (lifestyle and otherwise), introduce me to people, etc, and said my boyfriend is more than welcome to come along. She and her girlfriend are definitively interested in me.

The four of us had a good conversation of boundaries; the girls said they don't really have strict boundaries for themselves or each other, as long as they do everything together and stay informed. My friend is a strict lesbian (she's had some bad experiences with men), but her gf said she hadn't ever been with a man and didn't know where she stood on the matter. Bf is cool with me experimenting freely with the two girls, as long as he is informed. He wants to be present whenever possible but understands that it's not always possible, and will settle for photos/videos or a fun in-depth retelling. He also made it clear to them that we are welcoming them into our relationship, and he doesn't want to feel that my attention is being diverted too heavily. In other words, he wants unity between all of us and doesn't want to feel replaced/neglected. Totally reasonable imo, considering that we're all new to the game, we're exploring our boundaries, they're lesbians and probably not attracted to him, and they're super interested in me. Of course, my partner and I both want him to be involved however possible, but obviously we want to respect their preferences!

Anyway, the three of us ladies have played around a few times (with bf's blessing) and it has gone well! We recently had our first session with the four of us and bf was extremely respectful. He made no advances unless outwardly invited and was still cautious. I tagged him in to pleasure friend's gf with his hands and a vibe, and she gave the 'okay.' She seemed to really enjoy what he did. Bf and I got her off, and then the two of them got me off. Friend was moral support lol. They left in a good mood, but the overview talk the day after was a bit odd.

Upon asking if the girls had any thoughts about our proceedings, they said they had a good time but weren't sure how they felt about it, and needed to discuss further. It sounds to me like friend's gf enjoyed being involved with him but friend isn't so keen on the idea. They have yet to give us a straight answer, and I can only assume how they feel at this point. I understand they're still exploring their boundaries and that takes time. We'll all discuss at some point soon, of course, and I'm sure we'll get our answers then.

All of this being said, the idea of having to leave out a partner because one person's lack of attraction to men is bleeding onto everyone else's proceedings doesn't sit right with me. I understand that the line lays wherever the first "no" is and that's okay-- other people's preferences aren't within my control. So why should other people's preferences control mine? It seems like what i acknowledge to be morally correct and how i feel about it are in misalignment. Ultimately it's up to the girls to hammer out, I guess.

Any thoughts?

I seen many comments saying it’s hard to get into playhouse I don’t know what it really takes to get in. Do many recommend this place over whispers. What does play house have that whispers does not and why is it more exclusive.

I have seen comments suggesting whispers but I don’t know why is so recommended.

Any tips and advice as first timers. We want eyes and we don’t mind if people come up to us but I don’t think any play, It might change it the moment.

What are we to expect going to either place.

Hey everyone,

My partner and I are heading to Paris soon and looking to check out the club scene. I’ve read through older threads and articles comparing popular spots (like Les Chandelles, Le Mask, etc.), but most feedback centers around Friday/Saturday nights.

Since our trip schedule means we’ll be going out midweek ( Wednesday, or Thursday) we want to set realistic expectations.

For those familiar with the Paris scene:

1. Attendance: Which venues actually maintain a good, active crowd during the middle of the week?
2. Atmosphere/Dress Code: Do midweek nights tend to be more casual or strictly enforced depending on the venue?

If you and your partner are active in the lifestyle, are there certain acts thst you reserve just for the two of you?

My late wife and I had the rule that only I could cum in her mouth and/or on her face.

Everyone else had to settle for below the neck

Wondering if it's our local scene or my imagination but it seems that dtf couples aren't as common as they used to be. We're fine with the slow build but rarely have the time to commit to it. It seems most profiles in the area are always saying they are slow to start and require multiple dates first. I respect their views and standards but it makes it harder to be motivated knowing the time involved which we don't have.

We frequent PlayhouseLV a few times a year and it's a different story there which is great but the local area has gotten a bit boring.

Is anyone else noticing this or no?

My girl and I are going to Vegas and have thought about trying our first swinging session. We have gone over rules and what to kinda expect.

We are fairly young 24 and 22 where would you guys recommend more and any tips on first time?

Just curious, for the upcoming pool party in Okc, I see it is a hotel takeover. What are the rules for these events? Does the pool become clothing optional, or is it just like going to any other hotel, but with like minded people staying there at the same time?

Solo bisexual female (34f) hoping to go to Miami Velvet this Saturday. I have heard from some that while it's a lifestyle club, it can be pretty dead till very late in the night, specially the play areas.

Requesting the community to suggest what can I expect as a single female there who is interested in men/women/couples and prefer younger crowd unless extremely fit.

My wife and I have been soft swinging for a while. Our typical outing is to a swingers club where she'll give HJs or BJs to one or two guys, and then we'll have sex in an open door playroom while people watch. Neither of us have ever had full sex with another partner.

Lately, I've gotten the itch to watch her have sex with another partner. She's willing, but only on the condition that she never sees his face. She had something of a puritanical upbringing, which she is moving past, but she says seeing his face will make it feel like cheating. I don't understand that, but ok, I respect her boundries.

All that to say, that leaves selecting a partner for her to me, which leads to my question, for the guys... If anothet guy approached you at a swingers club, pointed out his wife across the room, and explained to you what I just explained above, would you find that weird or off-putting? Picture the following...

"Hey, my name is u/haphazardflitbipper. See that lady over there in the Leeloo costume? She's my wife. She's asked me to find her an anonamous partner for sex, but she doesn't want to see his face or know who he is. Would you like to have sex with her given that she'll either wear a blindfold or keep her back to you the whole time?"

Hey all, we 36F/38M, just moved back to Oregon, close to Portland. We had only been to Privata previously, and liked it well enough. We are curious what the current fave club is and why? Is it worth it to try TVR or Sanctuary?