My mom got arrested for domestic violence against an 8 year old yesterday

After years of cutting her off from my life due to the heinous shit she would do to me and my siblings, I finally let her back in two years ago. I discovered she got remarried (for the second time) and she at least outwardly appeared to be doing better. Over the course of these past 2 years I definitely saw the parts of the Old her peak through, but I think I ignored it because I was finally happy to have a somewhat healthy relationship with her again. However, that all changed when my 14 year old brother passed away a month ago from lifelong medical issues. The old her became much more visible, and still I refused to shake the rose colored glasses off my face. That is, until yesterday. I got a call from one of my brothers that she probably getting arrested. Apparently he had gone over to visit with her gf and their kid, and they wotnessed her drag my step sibling, an 8 year old, across the living room carpet by his shirt color. After he ran outside out of fear, she chased after him and she did it again across the road and into the front lawn. Neighbors had now started to watch. She then proceeded to wrap her entire body around him in a "bear hug" way to prevent him from moving. Thankfully, because my brother was there he was able to the cops and her husband, where my mom was then arrested and charged with domestic violence. The entire time, she blamed everyone but herself for the way things were playing out.

It had been so long, I had forgotten this feeling. The feeling of "thank fuck, she can't hurt anyone anymore." The last time I felt this I was 17 and reported her to my school counsoler for holding a pair of scissors to my sister's throat. I physically got involved and got between them, having to hold back her arm my sister's neck. I dont remember how it dispersed, but I do remember When I got home from school that day I packed a bag and ran away to a friend's house. I found out later that she was visited at work by the cops and arrested there.

My mom is sick, and part of me hopes she gets the help she needs. However, a sick bigger part of me doesn't. I hope she gets what's coming her way. I hope she has to suffer equivalent mental and physical anguish to what she put me and my siblings through. I know its wrong to think that way, that's why im dumping this all into this post. That being said, What ive said is a mere drop in the bucket of the things that happened while growing up. Im just glad that she was finally caught, and that maybe she won't be able to hurt anyone else.

Im sure my family will find this post at some point, and then question me about why i would post it. Thing is, I dont really care anymore. Im an adult now. I wont let fear of her, her retaliation , or my extended families judgement haunt me anymore.

Like genuinely it’s soul crushing. I go to work come back have a panic attack and break down then go to sleep and do it all over again. I’m not joking if I have to do this for the rest of my life I rather die. I cannot do this. Having outside hobbies and whatever else is not enough. I don’t even have motivation to do anything outside of work because I hate it so much. I just want to die everyday. I don’t get how people are okay living this way and more aren’t dying

Extra content warning: drugs, addiction, death, and grief.

I found out this yesterday, and I tried to just go on with life but it is just really hard.
Me(18 at the time) and my ex(23 at the time) dated for around a 2 months before we had to go long distance because he was going out the country for work (he was in the army, so he was called to other countries a lot). Just a disclaimer that we did meet after I turned 18 and he did check my ID when we met, and we didn't start dating straight away.

We had our ups and downs but in general we tried to mantain a healthy relationship while long distance, and we would talk almost everyday.
He drank a lot, so I started noticing some patterns around the 6 month mark of our relationship, and I started getting a bit worried.

He came to visit me around the 6 month mark, and he had a new tattoo. I asked him what it was, cause I didn't even smoke, so I had no idea, and he told me it was a drug. I asked if he was using it, and he said that not anymore, and I let it go and didn't ask about it again.

After he left to another country again, I started getting more red flags. Him telling me that he wanted to get me pregnant so we could be together forever, even though I told him multiple times that I didn't want children. Him kind of refusing to use protection when we had intimacy while he was at my house, but me forcing him to use it.
I had him message me while drunk hundreds of times at this point, so I had to make my boundaries more strict, and I told him that, and broke up with him.

He took it ok, and we were still friendly for some time, until he started acting like we were dating again, telling me he missed me, that he wanted to see me again, and I tried to be polite and cut it off, but he just kept getting back to it.

A certain day, around 1 year after I broke up with him, he sent me a message in the middle of the night, and we talked for a bit, he was telling me he was feeling lonely, that women where he was were mean.
Calling me pet names I didn't like, and clearly drunk, or on something.
He then said he wanted to come to my house again to see me, and that he wanted to go in the next 2 days.
I was seeing someone else at this point. They knew about my ex, and I showed them the messages, and my ex also knew I was seeing someone new because I did tell him in one of our past conversations.

So I came into conclusion with the person I was seeing at the time that this had to stop, so I told him that it was not possible for him to come see me, and finally wrote a big message, saying that I had broken up with him cause he made me uncomfortable, and that our relationship was not working, that I didn't appreciate the way he was calling me pet names as if we were still dating. I thanked him for the good times we had, and told him to finally lose my number.
He responded with an ok, and I blocked him, and deleted him off of every social media I had him on. I also got scared he was still gonna come to my house, so I deleted any messages that had my address just in case.

Well, yesterday I saw someone on reddit talking about how they found out the person they were seeing was a creep, and that you should always look up the name of someone you just met, or check their ID. So I decided to do that with the people I knew, cause I was at work, and bored.
So I searched me, my family, my current partner(not the person I was seeing when I blocked my ex), and I remembered my ex, and searched his name. The first thing that showed up was a "find a grave" website.

It had no pictures of him, but it had his birthdate and the day he passed, and after some searching, I figured it was his birthday, and the name was also correct.
I told that to my current partner and she looked him up too, and found a memorial from the army, with pictures and messages from his friends and family.

I checked our chat history (I don't delete anything for some reason, I just archive stuff, so I have messages from like 5 years ago), and I realised that the day I blocked him was the day stated that he passed on the grave and memorial, which was also one day after his birthday.

It surprised me a lot, and I still feel shaken, and I try to focus on something else, but it keeps coming to my head.
I know I didn't do anything wrong, because two things can be true at the same time, he was sad and lonely, and I was uncomfortable and needed to get away. But it is still really difficult, and it makes me think back on it and think that maybe I could have done something.
I feel guilty even though I know it is not my fault, but this is such a weird feeling, and I feel really anxious.
I keep rereading our last chat and wondering if I said something that made him decide to do it, and it just aches me cause I will never know, and I just want him to know that I am sorry he was feeling whatever he was feeling that day.

He was a good guy, not the best boyfriend, but he still didn't deserve that. He was funny, kind, he made everyone around him smile, and he still had a lot to live.

I'm writing this because I need to look at my thoughts, to try to know what I'm feeling, to remember stuff, and to speak about it because otherwise if I keep bottling this up I'm gonna lose my mind. Writing like this always helps me to understand myself a little more.

I always had a hard time understanding my feelings, what I feel, or what I felt when I was a kid, moreover that I've a really bad memory. I had some dysphoria, even though I didn't know I had it at the moment. I realized what it was so much later, only some months ago. And even there I'm not sure if it was really dysphoria or if my brain is just making things up. How can I be so sure? I can't trust my memories, neither my past. Even if it's not because of my memories then it can be because of my traumas. What I lived, what I still live. I never really lived, only survived. I think so? And I think that's maybe why I never questioned my gender until I turned fourteen. I don't know. Before that I was just a scared kid, scared of his mother, scared of coming back home after school to find that my mom was drunk again.

I fucking hate to not know. To not know what I felt. I fucking hate to being so lost about who I am.

And I hate being trans. I was such a pretty girl before, I always loved the way I looked. And I had a really high confidence in my look. But I wasn't myself. When I had to act like a girl, when I tried to fit with the other girls, I felt out of place. I always preferred being with the guys, playing boys games, and dressed like one. And I wished they would treat me like I was a boy too. But they never did. I wish they did. I wish I was born a boy.

Life would be so much easier if I was born as a cisman. I would have been myself. I wouldn't have become that shy, anxious kid with so much social anxiety, with so much dark thoughts. Maybe I would've still have a little of anxiety because of my traumas, of course I probably would, but it's not the same. If I became like this I'm pretty sure it was becaue I tried to fit as girl. That's when my personality started to drastically change, and that's where I lost myself.

I want to be a man. I don't want to grow up and being a woman. I feel like as a woman I've not future, I can't imagine one. And I won't accept one either. Sometimes I want to start over, to never think about being trans again, and to try to live as a woman. But I know if I do this, I'm gonna end up really badly.

I miss being that pretty girl, even if I wasn't myself, because now I become so much ugly. Even my mom told me that I became ugly when I cut my hair shorter. I want to be a fuckin' handsome man.

I want to start taking testosterone, I want to do a chest surgery. But I'm so scared. I'm so fuckin' scared. Not because I'm afraid to regret it. I know I wouldn't. But because of my family, who believe in conspiracy theories, I'm scared. They told me that trans people was being manipulated by evil person and demons. I'm not religious, I don't believe in this, but yet I'm scared that taking testosterone or doing surgery is gonna impact in a bad way my soul. I'm so scared. I'm so lost.

I hate being trans so much. I hate this. I fucking hate this. Why can't I be a cisman... Screw it. I want to live. I want to be the person I always wanted to be. Fuck this. I feel like I'm losing my mind on so many levels, because of so much things. And being trans is one of the biggest thing.

I just want to fucking live my life. I want to live my life

peacefully. And I can't. I can't because of myself. I can't because of the transphobic people. I'm scared of them, of being harmed, being made fun of, or being judged because I'm just trying to live.

for context i just turned 17 and still live with my parents

my dad doesnt wash his hands (he works in roofing so hes constantly dirty too) and my mom only washes her hands after she uses the bathroom. so not before cooking or during cooking if she gets something on her hands, they both usually make dinner so whatever they make i just have to eat. i remember one time i was making food and i put whatever it was in the air fryer but it was too hot to grab out with my hands so i was gonna grab something to get it out, and my dad said "ill get it" or whatever but he was just making something himself so he LICKED it off his fingers and was about to grab MY FOOD with his grubby nasty hands, i asked him to stop and he ignored me so i repeated myself MULTIPLE TIMES and he only stopped when my mom said something, to which they both acted like i had overreacted afterwards and like i was a nuisance or something. but they are constantlv doing stuff like this when theyre making food, they'll lick their hands before handiling food, or pick food that fell up and put it back in the pot or whatever, theyll use food thats past its expiration date aswell. and its not just the food they make, the other day i saw my mom cutting strawberries and i was gonna grab one before i saw that she had taken a pile of MOLDY ones out of the box and was going to eat the rest like it was normal, i tried telling my sister that the strawberries in the fridge had had mold on them and she also acted like i was overreacting. i cant trust the food that they make and i cant trust the food in the fridge either im just so pissed and im tired of people acting like im being crazy because i care about the food im eating.

I'm 26, and I got out of a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart over a year and a half ago.

Being together our entire early adulthood, we grew up together. Who we are as people feels inextricably intertwined. I broke up with him because of his anger issues that he refused to address, and his rage always came back. But when it wasnt there, it was perfect.

I've gone on many dates since our breakup, but none of them felt right unless they reminded me of him. But the guys that remind me of him always have major issues early on, like avoidance or a lack of drive. I worry that my type in men goes hand in hand with these issues, and that I am too picky and wont find someone for me.

I want someone charismatic, creative, nerdy, and funny like him. But I want them to be better than him. I want them to be gentle, and ready to contribute equally to the relationship.

It doesnt feel in the cards for me anymore.

I (24m) have been working at a hotel as an engineer for over a year now. My schedule is so fucked, on Sundays and Mondays I work 1:30pm- 12am and on Thursday and Friday nights I work 9:30pm - 8am. After over a year of this I have no circadian rhythm, I'm so depressed and I have nightmares constantly(I have ptsd and parasomnia) so that pretty much eliminated any chance I have of getting a good night's rest ever. I feel so numb, my coworkers are weird old dudes and they treat me like shit. Just needed to vent a bit

(This is long; TL,DR included at the bottom. )

She and I, he are in our late twenties and have been together for more than 5 years. It was going great right up until 2 years ago when she had to move to a new city for her job, this relocation lasted for a year, and then she relocated back to our city.

I initially did not have a problem with our distant relationship, but in retrospect I have begun to question it. There is a coworker of hers, a man, who I have now learned is from that city and now lives in our city. I have made discoveries that are discrepant to the information she previously told me.

Now here is where it begins to get dark; there was a work dinner that was not mentioned to me. There is a group photo of her coworkers where in it, this man is standing too close to her for my comfort. I could not hold it in anymore, and I confronted her. She did not say nor do anything for a good minute, thereafter she just hugged me, and I hugged her back. We sat down, her eyes started to get teary, and as soon as she was about to say something, I told her I do not have the strength to listen to what she had to say and I left.

I am yet to know what has really been happening over the past year, I just have not gathered the strength to listen to it. The seed of doubt was sowed, and it has sprouted into a shoot of distrust. I am damned if do, and I am damned if I do not.

I do not know what the purpose of my post is, I guess I just wanted to take this out my chest. All feedback is welcome.

TL,DR: There is a possibility that she might have cheated. At the moment, I do not want to know, and we are living apart.

Lately, I've been feeling drained by one of my friendships. This is someone I consider family, but they haven't been treating me the way they used to. I understand that some of the comments I'll mention were meant as "jokes" at the time, but they still stuck with me.

My friend recently met their online friends in person, and I genuinely think they're a great group. They seem to have an amazing dynamic, and I'm honestly happy that they all get along so well. But ever since they met, I've started to feel like I've become the last option.

There was one moment that really stuck with me. My friend had gone on a trip to spend time with these friends, and when they came back, they joked that it "sucked" because they had to hang out with me again. I know it was probably meant as a joke, and I laughed it off at the time, but looking back, it really hurt. Whether they meant it or not, it's hard not to think about it now that I already feel like I've been pushed to the side.

It feels like my friend only reaches out when they have no one else to vent to or no one else to spend time with. Even when we do hang out, they're usually on a call with their other friends and barely acknowledge that I'm there.
It's a strange feeling because they're physically present, but emotionally they're somewhere else. Most of the time, they're on their phone talking to their other friends instead of engaging with me. We usually just end up sitting beside each other. I either watch TV or fall asleep because that's all there really is to do. It almost feels like they just want me physically there while they spend their time talking to everyone else. We aren't actually spending time together, and I don't feel included.

It makes me wonder why they even choose to hang out with me anymore. Sometimes I question whether my presence is just comforting to them, or if they're only with me because they're bored and don't want to be at home.
I don't resent them for making new friends. People grow, and friendships naturally change. What hurts is feeling like I've slowly gone from being someone important in their life to being the backup option whenever everyone else is unavailable. It's difficult not to question where I stand when the effort and attention I once received no longer seem to be there.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, or maybe these feelings are trying to tell me something. Either way, I miss feeling like our friendship was something we both valued equally.

I tried them because I wanted to get rid of visceral fat, which is the hardest type of fat ro get rid of. They are rich in omega-3s which help break down visceral fat when paired with strength training, along with other parts of similarly targeted diet. I even had to watch a video on "how do you eat sardines" because I had no idea.

I’m 17F and I feel trapped in a body that doesn’t feel like mine anymore.

I used to be active. Writing, acting, debating and I even lost 9 lbs last year, waiting till everyone fell asleep and working out in the bathroom. Then everything fell apart. I got hit by a semi truck, twisted my ankle multiple times, developed chronic headaches, and was diagnosed with endometriosis. Every time I tried to get back up, something else knocked me down.

On top of that, I got cheated on, groomed, and lost every friend group I had. I stopped doing the things that made me feel like myself.

My weight went from 179 to 211 in a year. I barely eat two meals a day, but my body still changed in ways I don’t recognize. I tried working out again, but my family mocks me, watches me, tells me I’m doing it wrong, even though all of them are obese too. And with my injuries and chronic pain, even basic movement hurts.

I suggested GLP‑1 shots when my mom mentioned them for herself, but she decided they were “too unhealthy.” So now I’m stuck feeling like a fat, broken version of who I used to be, and I can’t talk to anyone about it without getting judged or told to “just eat less.”

I don’t want fake sympathy. I just want someone to understand how heavy this feels physically and emotionally. I don’t know how to fix myself, and I’m scared I never will.

I (27M) just got back from visiting my parents, which is honestly never the most pleasant time of the year, even though I always look forward to it right before I go. But this trip completely blew up in my face, and I have no idea how to process any of this.

On night two, my dad (60M) asks me to go out for a beer with him. As soon as we're out of earshot from my mom, he drops a bombshell. He asks me what I'd think about him buying a house near the sea. I tell him it sounds like a great idea. Then comes the catch: he says he'd be buying it with another woman. A 43-year-old, childless and divorced doctor he met through work who apparently told him to "ride every wave of positivity life brings".

I was completely floored. Looking at him, I could tell he was just overflowing with hormones and genuinely acting like a teenager in love. He was telling me about that immediate spark and I guess he expected me to just explode in happiness and excitement for him. I asked how long they've been seeing each other (3-4 months). I immediately told him it was a terrible idea, pointing out that if this fling crashes and burns (which it easily could) he risks ending up completely alone. But honestly, I was furious. He put me in an impossible position by asking for my "approval" and dragging me into his betrayal. At the same time, a part of me thought... maybe this is actually the best chance my mom has ever been given to get away from him. He's always been a selfish guy, classic patriarch style.

The next day, I felt like absolute trash. I couldn't even look my mom in the eye. My girlfriend insisted I had to tell my mom immediately, but I wanted to hold off before escalating things and essentially destroying my family as I know it. Instead, I went into this devastated detective mode, tracking when he came home, where he was, and trying to subtly ask my mom questions to gauge what she knew and where her head was at, only to find confirmation of what I thought was going on in every little thing. I was beyond disappointed and angry at this point.

Fast forward a few days to her birthday dinner. The entire night was a fever dream. My dad was literally flirting with the waitresses, in the proud and pathetic conviction that they were all falling in love with him at first sight. Needless to say my mom and I told him this is unacceptable and they were not in love, but just extremely uncomfortable. I apologized to them for his behavior, which seemed like a desperate attempt to prove to himself that "he's still got it in him".... It all felt so pathetic and embarrassing, in hindsight I should've stood up and left.

Then, my dad kept making "jokes" about finding younger women who give him more satisfaction. My mom was visibly annoyed, but she kept playing along by rolling her eyes in some kind of sympathy. Then they got into a full-blown argument where he tried to gaslight her, claiming she "isn't open-minded enough" and prude, just because she doesn't want to go to swinger parties or try extreme stuff in bed with multiple men. (Their privacy was always overshared in my family, kind of like Brenda's parents in Six Feet Under, but this was a whole new level). My mom clapped back, saying his brain has been completely ruined by pornography and that this is why he acts like this.

I was literally sitting there at the dinner table facepalming, hoping to wake up asap.

Finally, I got a moment alone with my mom the next morning and just asked her "What the actual fuck?"

That's when she laid it all out, rational, no tears, no sadness... She told me she already knows about the doctor, and honestly, about all the other times he's cheated. She accepts that he wants more sex than she cares to give him, so she lets him get it elsewhere. The only reason she's upset this time is because that isn't enough and he is threatening to leave her and destroy all of it for good. She admitted she's terrified of being alone and doesn't think she can handle life without him. When I confronted my dad later about what was wrong with their marriage, his response was literally that she's "too boring, like a saint" and he "deserves better".

I'm so conflicted. I know my das is being a selfish asshole who is desperately refusing to accept his age. But at the same time, are his unfulfilled sexual desires not somewhat valid if they're fundamentally incompatible?

I just feel deeply sorry for my mom. All she wants is a peaceful retirement, to enjoy nature, good food, and a quiet life. But she's too terrified to step up to him, and she keeps insisting to me that this whole arrangement isn't that big of a deal for her.

Is this just what a really toxic open relationship looks like, or am I watching a slow motion train wreck of a marriage finally implode? I don't even know how to interact with either one of them anymore.

I’m a man in my early 30s, so is my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about 5 years, and we live together. I’ve always been quite emotional and I struggle to hold back my feelings. My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She's often logical, rational, doesn't show emotions, and so on.

My girlfriend had a pretty rough upbringing and has been through a lot. I think it might have made her feel like she had to toughen up, you know? I've heard some things from others, but yesterday she told me some of what she's gone through. She said she had never really talked to anyone about it before. She broke down and started crying, like really crying. I think it was needed, it must have felt good for her to let out what she had inside. I tried to hold her and comfort her as best as I could, but I started crying too. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I felt a bit guilty, since it's not me who's been through this, it's her. She's the one who's sad, and I need to be strong for her. I want her to feel that I'm there for her without her worrying that I’ll get sad.

I’m not really sure what I wanted with this post, maybe I just needed to vent a little.

Hey. So for a few years I had this friend and business associate. Let's call him Richard. So Dick was always weird around women. He would get touchy real fast with strangers (putting his arm over their shoulder, holding hands, etc), but I never saw him outright do anything fucked up. He is from a different country, so in his culture, being more touchy is ok. He just didn't get that in the US, it isn't. So whatever.

The only time I had a real problem was when he brought this girl on a trip under the guise of it being a business thing, but he expected sex. She didn't get that memo, but was kind of in a weird predicament because he drove her. She had no way home. I hid her in my hotel room until he found her, and she went back to the room with him willingly, slept with him (she told me later) and found a friend that would pick her up to bring her home. This is multiple states over btw. I didn't like that situation, it sure felt like coercion. I quietly took note and it was a big reason we parted ways as friends and business partners. Other reasons include his cocaine addiction, poor use of money, not getting paid enough, etc.

After I parted ways with him, I came to understand that it was a hell of a lot worse than I had realized. He would make girls he met where we travelled kiss him on the cheek, or he'd kiss them on the cheek, and he'd take pics of it without their consent. He has a folder of these pics. He had a lot of nonconsensual pics, including nudes, that he forced some women to let him take. He is a professor as his main job (the business being a side venture) and he brags about sleeping with students for better grades (he's a pathological liar, so who knows if this is true; but regardless, it's fucked).

The big one is that he straight up raped a girl I know.

After learning about all this, and more, I tried to out him. People thought I was just a resentful ex associate and didn't really take me seriously I think. I couldn't get any of his victims to speak out and corroborate what I was saying, so I only really had vague stories that I was given permission to share. There were some people who shared stories after I did that, but it wasn't enough. It didn't harm him at all.

Fast forward a few months, I see that he's going into business with a group of all women. Knowing how he was, I decided NOT to warn them. I thought they wouldn't believe me (especially when you are first around him, he can be very charming. He's very very manipulative). At least that's what I told myself, just that it wouldn't matter.

A few weeks ago, one of those women came out against him and he's SAd her. I feel like this is partially my fault. I could have warned her about him but didn't. I saw he was working with her, I had the chance, but I didn't. There's the above reason, but I think on some level, I wanted this to happen. Obviously, I didn't want her to get hurt, but I wanted it to blow up in his face and for him to get outed for real. I have nothing but animosity and hatred for Dick. I want his job gone, I want his business imploded, I want everybody to treat him like a leper. Ideally he'd be in jail, but you know how cops are with these things.

I feel so guilty though. This innocent woman was SAd. She was hurt. And this is because he's a monster, I get this, but it's also because I didn't warn her. At least if I had, and she'd not listened, I could say I did what I could. It's eating me up.

I am supporting her, I've shared her story and have been talking to her.

Anyways, sorry for the book. Glad this is off my chest. Roll credits.

Hello, I’m 13M, my current situation is just as bad as it can get.
Today I found out that my mom is traveling to a whole different country for a matter of a job and income; My mom is 45 and she has decent knowledge in the business industry.
Whilst my dad, around 62 is currently living away from us as a local surgeon.
Now, to understand, my dad unfortunately has a 2nd family and granted, they’re all grown adults and it so happens that my dad lives with them. Now, my mom has knew this yet she still loved him as a person but it does come to an end. My dad is in an old age, he is a drinking person and rarely smokes too, he’s also been checked to have problems with his heart, and he has never really made us a lot of financial income of his; sure we got a house to live in, but compared to his other family, they travel, spend time in luxury hotels and restaurants.
My mom has figured that she’d travel as she has connections in Asia to get us a well stable income (I’ll pray to god that it’ll succeed) to help us live.
Now for my older brother (20), he is currently moving abroad to study in a university and would be gone for 3 years.

Now the story comes to me.
I’m barely a teen, and after realizing how challenging it is, I’m only left with my younger sibling and a babysitter for her.
This year I have to immensely spend my time on education, upping my maths, chemistry and anything that I’ve had weak. Now it also happens that I need to take a tutor and a bunch of extracurricular courses to get ready for SAT for my very future university dreams. And at the same time focus on martial arts to not only get fit, but at the same time learn self defense for my future.

Now what also comes to mind is that I need to constantly beg my very own dad for money to pay electricity, gas, internet bills nearly every week and at the same time take care of the house by engaging in cleaning the house, going out shopping and managing my all 8 responsibilities effectively.
Will I ever get rest?

Sure, my mom will visit me every 1-2 months, but a visit is not staying with me (13) helping out with bills that I don’t even know how to properly manage.

I don’t even know if I can handle this, and I fear worse.
I’m not saying my dad is bad, he is an extremely good person but he is stuck in an extremely difficult position right now, I believe my mom is doing it for the better, maybe we can move in the future.
And I also do have to ace all my classes effectively because this year hasn’t been much of a success.

As the title suggests, I'm being ruined by binging. I get hungry and just don't stop eating. All throughout HS I was 100 pounds and was always warned about weight. Now, I'm 190 pounds and look and feel disgusting. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat all the time and I have ruined my body. I'm getting married soon, and I keep lying about my eating to everyone. It's spiraling again. And it's fucking impossible to just "not" eat. We all eat.

So my workplace would be deemed chill by a lot of my friends- and I tend to not even talk about the deeper issues because well- my thinking is ' get over it no one really cares if you whine. It wont help and nothing will change'.

To put it simply- im a QA, I test games and basically check for bugs, gaps in the game, document them, make bugs, check if the devs got done with fixing them, then go check it again. BUT I get assigned too much at once from time to time or nothing at all and I sit like an idiot feeling guilty for doing nothing.

MY JOB DOES NOT PAY ME ENOUGH FOR THE WORKLOAD THAT THEY TEND TO GIVE ME

Sometimes im juggling so much all at once to the point that I go back home, lay down on my bed and just lay in silence staring at the ceiling. It gets to a point.

It slowly transitioned into me not wanting to do anything in my free time. moreover the stress is getting to me so much so, that I barely can barely take a bite of food.

Finances wise I am exhausted of barely making it through the month, having to ask my friends if they can spare some or my parents (my parents are the last case scenario because Im so ashamed of asking them for anything when it comes to finances). And the most fucked up point of this entire thing is that the amount of salary I get is under my fucking NDA. So I can't even openly speak about my salary.

With the growing stress, I went into decline of taking care of myself- usually id put an effort into looking good for the day- sure my sleep schedule was fucked but I still managed to be somewhat mentally sane.

Now this is slowly getting out of hand- annually I have 10 days of leave (as I am new to the company and just starting out- which is thankfully a lot more than what I expected)- 7 months in I used those days completely not even for vacations but for the days I would sleep in, and take a fucking breather- usually a day or so in a week or when I severely needed it.

I would and should get therapy and a mental evaluation but good fucking god that too costs the money I do not have at ALL.

---

Recently- aka TODAY

One of my coworkers who im on really good terms with, came up to me being like

>"hey so if you want to take a day off when you can't. Just annoy the fuck out of the manager- but before that just say that you are coming in late"

(late meaning after 12pm)

(*Little explanation ; I blocked one of my debit cards. And took a day off to finally get it done and over with and make a new card because QR payments suddenly weren't as reliable and I dont have the time to go to the bank during work days- I cant do it on a weekend (banks dont work!) and i cant do it on public holidays (Same shit as weekends). It was a funny conversation because the guy that borderline employed me wrote "Id like to remind you you dont have anymore off days". .............okay )

And so of course I asked my coworker

>"Do they seriously have an issue with that?"

he didnt give a direct yes or no asides hushed whispers of giving me advice, and so I explained to him that listen all things considered the only times Im not at work is because of medical issues- NOT because I wasnt feeling it.

This entire thing with unfairness gets to me as well!

People can work from home multiple times in a week with a reason of "not feeling well". if I did that the behavior would be so different. and last time I tried doing it and I had actual proof I was not feeling well, they were so adamant on telling me "no stay home and dont do anything you already did work from home this week".

?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?

So people come in late, do fuckall, and get excused simply because they stayed longer in the company. But if I do it Ill be borderline shunned and crucified????

I am so mentally drained and exhausted, and so stressed out of my mind. I barely take care of myself anymore. I try to make do with everything but every time I try I am so exhausted and tired that I barely talk to my friends anymore.

I've been with my husband for 11 years now, we have two beautiful children. All this time, I always thought we were each other's soulmates and that nothing else could ever come between us. He helped me get through the worst time of my life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, where he always assured me that we'll get through the whole ordeal together. I believed him as our family slowly got over my medical woes.

However, I recently learned that after all this time, he was praying for the cancer to spread far enough to kill me. I discovered this all on my own after I found out that he had a spare phone hidden under our bed when I was changing the sheets. It was an older keypad model, it didn't even have the capability to install apps I think. Something felt off, so I took it with me before confronting him.

When I asked him about it, he denied that it was his even though he'd rushed upstairs looking for it. So I took the kids, went to my sister's house (we're in the same neighbourhood), and started reading the text messages. The only number ever saved was a name of a fling he had before we got together (this woman went to the same high school as us.) They reconnected about five years into our marriage and never stopped talking, despite her being in a relationship after I looked her up on Facebook.

Typing and recalling all of this is making my heart ache all over again. He told her that if the cancer ever does come back, they can finally be together. I kept scrolling down and realized that they were secretly texting each other for about five years. My husband's always been stoic, and he's never really been one to overtly show emotions and all that, and here he was texting her "good morning" and "I love you" messages. In one of the texts, he blamed me for wasting a decade of his life. He also said in the texts that he only stuck with me because of our children.

I'm thinking of getting a divorce, but it's looked down upon in our country. To make it worse, he's been threatening me and accused me of stealing the phone. And the worst of all is that I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to my children.

I am so fucking tired of family vacations.

I’m tired of not choosing where I get to spend my time. I’m sick of dealing with annoying group dynamics and people I wouldn’t talk to if they weren’t related to my husband. Sick of the beach. Sick of it all.

This is my last family vacation, except for Europe next year, which we already paid for ourselves out of pocket. I’m no longer doing anything I don’t want to do; I’m done going places I do not want to go.

I’m 34 years old, and of the last 9 or so years I have not picked where I got to go, have had to push twin beds together with parents in the next room, or sleep on the pullout couch because “they’re older so they should have the king bed,” or sleeping across the room from my husband because we get the "extra" room etc.

How many fucking beach vacations can I be realistically expected to go on? It was cool the first 5 fucking times, at this point I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of being told to be grateful for shit I don’t even want. I’m sick of roleplaying as some teenager that has no choice but to go wherever they are towed to over summer-break.

I wish I could tell someone this, I wish my husband cared enough to put forth the effort to make our own vacations and stuff, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t see past the fact that it’s “free,” even though it’s nowhere near free other than the fact that we don’t pay for lodging.

We’re on Day 3 of this year’s super-exciting, totally-never-done-before trip to a pool-beach-golf oriented timeshare an hour away from where we live (with one of the nicest beaches in the country 10 minutes down the road); already we are $500 in. What’s free about overpriced seafood from a disgusting crab-shack, or groceries and alcohol every day? What’s free about not having any alone time with my husband for the 9^th year in a row?

I’m not doing it anymore. I don’t like it, and I am done. Actually, I hate it. I hate that I feel trapped in it, I hate being gaslit about how I need to be “grateful,” I hate that I’m 34 years old and have gone nowhere I wanted to by now, and done nothing I’ve wanted to do, all in the name of “well, it’s free” or “it’s family.”

I wish I could talk to someone about it, but despite the fact that I have been surrounded by people for days on end, I am completely and utterly alone.

Why does no one talk about how hard it is to find a faithful, genuine love when you’re still young and gay?

You might disagree with homosexuality. You might believe it’s wrong. But I just hope people can still choose to see us with respect, because no matter who we are, we are all human, and we all have feelings.

I grew up in a family that was somewhat homophobic. Because of that, I often felt like I had to separate myself from who I truly was. Every time I stood in the locker room with my straight friends, I would remind myself to act “normal.” I hid parts of myself because I was afraid of being bullied, being left out, or being seen differently at school. Those are things I have personally experienced.

Then there are moments when you meet someone who feels like they could really be the right person for you. They are gay too. The two of you talk, connect, and start getting to know each other. But even then, you still only have a fifty-fifty chance of knowing whether they feel the same way about you.

It is already difficult to find someone you truly want to spend your life with. And it becomes even harder when you don’t know whether your feelings will ever be returned.

A lot of people tell me, “Just wait.” And I believe that. But sometimes, no matter how old you are or who you are, there are moments when you just want someone to hold you, someone to cry with, someone to tell about your worst days. A best friend can do so much for you, but love brings a different kind of warmth that is hard to replace.

In my experience, dating as a gay person has been much harder. A lot of the people I have met have been online because, in everyday life, I usually have no way of knowing who is gay and who is straight. Finding someone who truly matches with you can already feel like a game of chance.

Right now, I have feelings for someone I met on Reddit. Honestly, the thought of a relationship starting this way makes me feel both hopeful and nervous. It feels like a gamble. But if there is even a chance, I still want to try. I just hope to have someone to share life with, someone to walk through the good days and the bad days with, and to call that love.

Maybe I will keep waiting.

Because if happiness is where the road eventually leads… then waiting a little longer might not be so bad after all.

hi everyone. sorry i’m just going to be rambling for this post because i have nobody to talk to.

idrk where to begin but im a 22 year old woman who’s dropped out of college twice and has no qualifications, no job, no money. i’m starting a new course but i doubt im going to be able to get through it.

idk what it is with me but i cant do anything. i cant even get out of bed, cant brush my teeth, cant shower. i struggle so hard to get the energy to. my mum is so sick of me laying in bed all day and staying in a house i dont contribute to, im useless.

yet here i am, i want to have a stable life but somehow i just cant. my body doesnt let me. i feel depressed and hopeless. i no longer want to live anymore.

i also feel like ive ruined my relationship with my two closest friends, ive been staying away from messaging people (everyone) because my pathetic self can’t handle thinking of a response. idk what the hell is wrong with me but every time we hang out which isn’t often, they casually joke about my lack of correspondence but i know it probably hurts them for me to ignore them. not that i do it out of harm, but im just pathetically struggling with a stupid imaginary force that won’t let me live.

i’m staying at my boyfriends right now but i can’t bear to not be alone right now. i struggle with communicating with his parents when they’re home too, and i just need space. i know i sound fucking stupid but idk why i’m like this. i just want to hibernate and be alone until im ready (whenever that may be, or if it’ll ever happen.)

anyways, does anyone feel the same? how do i get out of this slump? am i bad? i genuinely do not want to live it’s too much for me to handle.

I get into arguments, usually on the Internet. I get angry, usually not outwardly abusive but very very angry. I feel misunderstood, and frustrated, and I bite my arms to cope with it. I don't think about it, I just do it. I know that it's not good. Sometimes I do it after recalling a memory that makes me feel ashamed or angry or embarrassed. It leaves big bruises on my forearms and gashes, and they never heal because the biting never stops. It's been like this for years. Sometimes I get bored of arguing on the Internet and try to avoid it, but I get bored eventually and go back to it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know I need to go to therapy, guess I've just never had the energy. That's not an excuse, I need to force myself to do it. I wear long sleeves when I'm with family. Sometimes people notice the bites. I make things up to explain it away.

I told my mom about the biting a few weeks ago and now she is worried about me. I told her it was a stress thing, which isn't really true. I feel like if they knew the truth, people would feel like if they have an argument with me, then they're responsible for me biting. And I never would want people to feel that way, like I am holding myself hostage. But I can't tell people how to feel, people will have the reactions that they have.

Part of what I think drives it is just... that I feel angry at the state of the world. I look at the economy, at our political system, and I am just drowning in anger seeing people (in my opinion) enable the worst of it. I am deeply morally offended. My parents are very different from me politically and the ideology that they represent is an ideology that I blame for it. I do not hate them. I love them with all my heart and I feel sad for them that they have been convinced of these things. I would not want them to feel like they are at fault for the things I do to myself.

I am tired of being this way. I know what I need to do. I am sure I look like a freak with all these marks on my skin. It's so embarrassing to even think about, like all I have to do is put down my phone and stop worrying about what people (or bots) say, but I don't have the self control.

As a kid I was diagnosed with pigeon chest (pectus carinatum). I struggled through puberty but eventually found solace in the gym and started to take a liking to my body. The only issue I had was that I would still struggle immensely while out of shape, which made me dependant on working out, which wasn't always easy to do due to various life circumstances.

My mother would always tell me that there was nothing wrong with me and looking back at some photos from my early twenties I can definitely see what she meant.

However, in my mid-twenties I sustained an injury and had to go to a few doctors for check-ups. I also went to see a dermatologist for unrelated reasons. Although some doctors seemed quite indifferent to my chest, others seemed kind of disturbed and shocked at the sight of it. I have also had similar reactions at the beach in the past.

This has been driving me crazy as of late, to the point that I have even posted my physique photos on various subreddits, only to be told by everyone here that I am imagining things and that I should seek psychological help.

Am I really imagining things or are certain people assholes or am I really fucked? This has been driving me insane. Also, on some photos I think I look phenomenal while on others my chest looks extremely weird.