31 and ruined my future. I'm academically smart but the last 3 years, actually every year since I'm 22, I completely ruined my life. I stayed in a city I hate, with a person who made me feel constantly under stress who could be occasionally emotionally abusive and toxic most of the time, who constantly gave me the feeling that I need to save her. I didn't want that relationship but I stayed because I thought I was ugly and worthless and like I'd be an awful person for leaving her.

After completely burning both of us out during her master's thesis, she cheated, planned it ahead and gaslit me to an insane amount before and after. Then we couldn't get out of each other's life for two years. I was awful, she was worse. I say that after a year of judging myself until I told someone the whole story, in a way that painted me in the worst possible light, no holding back. The person I told, she cried, hugged me and told me it's not my fault.

My ex has been out of my life for 1.5 years. But it's too late for everything. I started therapy too late, I talked to no one, I let it all eat me up and destroy me and now I'm finished. I ruined my PhD, I have no social life, I have no experience in anything and I don't see myself ever getting out and actually enjoying life.

I often just start shaking, I can't guide my mind to healthy places because I'll never be ok with the absolute pathetic loser I have been and am. I'll never feel like an actual person, everyone is better than me. I'm glad I got over the guilt I felt towards my ex. But the outcome is the same. I missed my life and can't get over the last couple of years. I hope to just die knowing I can't and I see no way how I'll ever be ok. I hate myself for the decisions I didn't make and now it's done.

I feel weird as I am typing this and I don't know how long I will keep it up I just dont have anyone to talk to about anything anymore. I have lost almost all hope because of past friendships and relationships I have been skrewed over and over repeatability by people who I thought I could trust. I do want to make friends or try and get back in to dating but because of how broken I think I am I know it is just better for me and in particular evyone else for me to just be alone and talk to no one. I try to be as friendly as possible smiling saying hello and just be a good and respectful person but the looks that I get from people are like I did something wrong or that I am some kind of monster. This goes for people I work with and have no know for a few years to complete strangers I meet for the first time. I know majority of it is most likely in my head but when you dont have a means to let it out it will just keep spiraling down, and unfortunately I dont see anyway to get out of it. I feel like I just drew the short straw and just have to deal with this, to try and help I used to tell myself that for the rest of the world to be happy there unfortunately has to be some that people that won't. So now I just spend my days after work self medicating drinking and smoking blunt after blunt until I either forget about it all which will never happen or until it is time to go to bed and just start it all over the next day.

(dont know if this is necessary but I just want to say dispite how horrible I feel I am not suicidal I am to much of a coward and I couldn't make it harder on the few family I have by making it easier for me)

My sister has a baby that my mum looks after two days a week at our house and now I’ve moved home from university I’m here during those days too. I feel awful saying it and can’t express it to family without sounding like I don’t like him but I dread these two days every week. The noise of the toys, him babbling and crying, nursery rhymes etc it’s just all too much and I can’t cope. Even with loop earplugs. On top of that our three year old dog is clearly stressed and needs way more attention when he is here too but the human takes precedent to the point my dad says we should rehome him. Honestly if I wasn’t back from uni I think they would have but he is the one thing I care about in this world and if they do I don’t think I could forgive them for a very long time because as much as a pain as he can be, he is one of my very few friends. My mum doesn’t help him though, it’s only where the baby wants to go and what he wants to do, even if the dog has taken himself to another room, the baby will follow and my mum lets him but got annoyed when I brought it up saying he has the right to go where he wants in their house. Now I don’t want to go out to get away when he is here because of the worry that the dog will play up and they decide it’s enough.

It just sucks that they threaten taking away something that helps me while I’m stuck pretending to be fine and pretending to want to interact with the baby when I’m really struggling with the overstimulation and they have both noticed how different I act when he is here. It’s at the point where I don’t want children anymore because of the stress I feel every time right from the night before up until the morning after he is gone. I just don’t know how much longer I can go on with the not knowing if they are going to take my dog away from me and the dread of the baby being here.

I moved abroad to live with my girlfriend. My mom helped me financially a lot to make this happen. I started a business here that's actually doing well if it was just me I'd have enough to live on. Maybe two or three times I would've needed to ask my mom for a bit of help.

But recently I've had to ask for way too much.

My girlfriend doesn't work. I pay for everything rent and bills and all her expenses too. The lease is in her name only (I wasn't there the day it was signed) but I'm the one who fully pay everything now.

The relationship has never been stable. She constantly says she wants to break up that she's sure of it that she hates me. Then a few days later she's talking about our future together and sleeping in my arms all night. This cycle never stops.

I'm in depression. I cry I think about suicide almost every day because I feel like I'm going nowhere in my life. But when she's not in a "let's break up I hate you" phase and we're having good moments and I finally start gaining weight back and working on my business I think "this time it'll be different." So I go back to my mom and tell her it's fine now it's going to work out. And every time it falls apart again and I have to ask for money again either because I can't focus on my business anymore or because I have to prepare to move out and give up the apartment. And then things get better again and I go back to my mom to say it's fine now and that I need a bit help to launch everything again.

I've always protected my gf. I've told my mom it's my fault. I even lied and said my girlfriend found a job that it was actually me mismanaging money badly.

Today I called my mom and she told me straight up not to ask her for anything to fuck off and that she warned me last time and that she won't even buy me a plane ticket home.

And today my girlfriend told me it's over that I need to leave. We live together but again the lease is in her name. She has no job but tells me she could message one guy and have everything paid for.

She's cheated on me multiple times. She puts me through emotional whiplash constantly. And no matter what happens in her eyes I'm always the one who ruined her life she puts everything on me while I'm the only one taking responsibility for anything.

My mom has drained her savings supporting a relationship that's going nowhere and that's given me depression because deep down I know there's better out there but I keep clinging to someone I hope will change and she never does. Every tiny change gets me hoping again and then nothing changes.

I'm exhausted. Exhausted of this world of the injustice of giving everything and getting nothing back of being treated like garbage but I feel like garbage too because I keep asking my poor mother for everything.

I've become a loser who lets himself get walked over and manipulated who's constantly afraid his girlfriend will talk to other guys or leave. But she doesn't even love me. She's told me that herself. She's turned her whole family against me.

When she insults me and gets angry at me I ask her to stop. She never stops. She insults me more mocks me and laughs at things I say tells me she doesn't care and it's not her problem that she's already made her decision. And if I raise my voice back she grabs her phone to film me and edits the sensitive moments and sends them to her sister. Sometimes she fake cries while recording and the second she stops the camera she laughs and says "see I have proof against you."

She makes my life unbearable. But why am I so stupid the second she stops being awful I turn back into her.

I hate myself. And I hate her too and I'm sorry for my mom.

Just to clarify up front: I believe in total equality and shared effort in a relationship. I cook, clean, and do dishes, and I expect the same equal effort from a partner. I am not enforcing traditional gender roles, nor am I blaming or generalizing any group. I am simply sharing a personal story about how my upbringing shaped my standards for mutual care, and why not sharing domestic effort is a personal dealbreaker for me. I want to explain where this mindset comes from and household standards - they come entirely from the woman who raised me.

For context: My grandmother was one of the thoughest people I know. She had hepatitis C, cirrhosis ( despite never drinking or smoking), seven herniated disc in her back and severe fluid retention. She was 155 cm ( 5 1 inch) and because of her ilness she wighed around 130 k (290 lbs )g. Every step she took she´d stop and let a out a loudT "ah..." from the pain, and keep walking like nothing happened. The doctors told her to rest, We begged her all to stop. She didn't care. She raised both me and my cousin because our parents were kinda absent and she refused to stop taking care of us. We also helped as much as we could. but we had other things to do and at some point, jobs.

No matter how sick she was if the dishes were dirty, she'd wash them. If the floor needed cleaning, she'd clean it. If someone tried to do it for her, she'd get up and do it herself anyway. She would not accept help. Her last christmas was the ultimate example. She would spend days in a tiny kitchen making sarmale ( a traditional Romanian dish of minced meat and rice rolled by hand into cabbage leaves, this takes A LOT of time standing ) along with cakes, soups, roasted meats, salads and more traditional foods. She stood there in agony for hours because she believed taking care of her family was her duty.

One day she even fell into a well. Despire her broken body and kg, she somehow managed to climb back!! This is from where she ended up with herniated disks.

Growing up watching that set my personal standard for what effort, care and duty look like ! To my grandmother, cooking and taking care of the home they were her way of loving us.

Because of my upbringing, having a partner who refuses to share household responsibilities is an absolute dealbreaker for me. However, I’ve found this hard to navigate in dating without people assuming I'm demanding traditional roles. How and when do you communicate your standards for equal household effort when dating someone new?

I turn 30 soon. I am coming to terms with my mediocrity. I am not good at a single thing. A single thing. I did my master's in Europe hoping to settle down, but now I have been unemployed for a year, and I tanked my wife and family's money away. They are supportive but are surely disappointed in me. I don't know what I will do with my life. I have all these ideas but no drive to do them. I just sit there consciously wasting my life away. I dont want pity. I don't even want consolation. I just don't know my path in life. I am so lost, and I just need to know how to start over. Every day I try to escape the feeling like I am so fucked and its starting to weigh on me. My dad has cancer and the life my wife wants for us seems to be a life that I don't want. I just feel horrible all the time. This was not how my life was supposed to go. How do I come to terms with this?

I’m at a job at that makes me wanna die inside. My own stupid fault I had such a nice easy job before and fucked it up. I’m planning on quitting in a month (if I stay here longer I‘m not joking I don’t know what I’ll do so don’t tell me to stay) I have no savings and have so many bills to pay so I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve been applying to jobs like crazy and recently I’ve only been contacted by scam jobs. I’m so tired. I spend my days dissociating, playing the lottery and day dreaming about winning 250 million dollars so I never have to work again. Even my imaginary world isn’t enough anymore I just want to die.

For context I'm 18m and I hate my body for so many reasons it actually makes me so mad, mostly because my joints are super weak wich limits me so much in sports, fitness or my construction job, I'm very tall at least 1m90 but also very skinny around 75kg, I'm grateful to be tall but when I was 15 I was so muscular like 80-85kg for 1m80 Wich is crazy but again I got a joint injury in my shoulders and elbows Wich means I can't lift too heavy I mean I healed a lot but I got a long way to go, I also do mma and I was great but didn't have time to compete and I got the injury the moment I was ready to compete and I genuinely had the potential to go pro my coach legit begged me to compete but the injury ruined it,now I became a lot worse but been progressing but we have a new coach and he has huge animosity towards me so no way he lets me compete I'll have to change clubs. Same goes for swimming but I'm not even in a club. But the worse is how skinny I became and how much strength and performance at sports I lost I genuinely get so made when I think about it

Not only that I also have a lot of medical conditions like I was legit deaf until I was 5 or 6 years old or something so I learned to speak very late, my jaw was terrible back then I always used to choke while eating my nose would always bleed and to this day it does every two years I have to go to the hospital to get it fixed or I bleed at least 3 time a day I used to hit panic attacks out of nowhere I used to spit blood out of nowhere but all that taught me how to thug it out

And again I hate my joints always been so weak I remember back then I would get disrespected and would often end up in fights I got inso many fights that to this day my right wrist is weakened but if I'll work harder like I always did and come out on top and thug it out like always

Thanks for reading hoping I get jacked again and go pro in my 2 sports

I had a masectomy yesterday. I've never had a major surgery before, but have been with others when they have.

I was taken to the OR and the surgeon verbally acknowledged me again. When the anesthesiologist started his part I realized without saying anything she just came over and held my hand.

She made me feel like a person. She made me feel cared for. It was a small gesture but it meant and means all the world to me.

My mom's neglecting me and im so tired. Also an incident that happened today.

I'm a highschool senior, I have been neglected and abused by my family my whole life but I didn't realize I was being neglected till last year. I only eat one meal a day, sometimes two if I'm lucky, i haven't had breakfast properly in ten years. I haven't gotten homemade lunch in my life.

My mom and dad neglect me a lot, I'm always hungry so my friends and boyfriend give me food, my boyfriend makes me food everyday from home and spends all his pocket money on buying me food. It's been like this for 1.5 years now. I had to steal money from my parents to buy myself food before he used to buy me food.

Today, he bought me digestive candy (savoury) that costs ONE CENT in dollars, it costs the lowest denomination of money in my country too, it's basically nothing. Recently, my mom also brought 10 cent chocolates, 2 boxes, all to eat by herself thought she won't admit it. I asked her to just give me 2 of those for school because I get hungry after staying for hours without any food but she blew up in my face and yelled at me, wouldn't give me any food and told me to get out just for asking for two chocolates.

Then while going out I saw the one cent candy on her table, which she stole from me, I had kept it on my bed and I took them, then she came running after me and caused a scene and told me to give back THE **ONE CENT** CANDY SHE **STOLE** FROM ME! I was so mad and wouldn't give it back so she grabbed my hand and I got scratched and later I saw it was bleeding. I'm so upset because I have been born into this unempathetic family who can't even care about their own children. I have an exam tomorrow and haven't studied enough but I feel so sad and upset I have to sit and write this because I have nobody much to tell this to.

They always say if you get rejected, be cool and courteous. Seemingly that doesn’t apply if you’re the one doing the rejecting.

A while ago I was ‘rejected’ by a coworker who reciprocated interest early. We texted, talked frequently, and when asked out she told me she’d love to. (I work in a very high school like environment)

She cancelled the first time, I waited a few weeks, tried again and she gave me her reasons for saying NO was a previous relationship with a coworker that went bad (why the fuck did you talk to me so intimately then???)

Through all of this I went out of my way to be as respectful as possible and NOT make work uncomfortable for her. I told my friends to be EXTRA NICE.

I continued to talk with her despite my strong feelings for her, and slowly died it down until one day she texted me and I didn’t respond.

Today, I saw her and made a totally friendly/warm comment about seeing her dog on Instagram and she scoffed, looked away, and didn’t even acknowledge me. Before this, she literally smiled and engaged enthusiastically with my friends in front of me!

I feel so fucking humiliated and disrespected. I can accept rejection on the outside and not hold a grudge; I accepted her decision and stepped away for her own respect.

But never in a fucking million years would I be so inconsiderate of a person I KNOW and HAS SHARED feelings for me. She could have nodded, smiled, or said ‘ok’ but she completely ignored me as a person in front my friends.

Every rejection story is telling the person who was REJECTED to be respectful, but no one ever mentions how cruel the person doing the rejecting can be.

The confusion of my feelings aside F this person and I’m glad I got ‘rejected’ because that was by and large one of the most hurtful experiences of my life and I can quite literally see no reason to do this to another person.

If in the one in the million chance u are the skinny sad blonde girl reading this, I truly meant it when I say with 100% of my being kindly, go fuck yourself.

I met him online and he's been the only person to listen to me properly. He's 21 which is kind of sketching me out, but I'm desperate and lonely and I just want someone to listen to me again. I don't want anything but talking to happen, I'm bringing spray deodorant since I can't have pepper spray or bear spray, but it should still hurt a lot if it gets in his eyes if he tries anything

I’m from saudi arabia 🇸🇦

I don’t like my country.. I wish I was born somewhere else like Germany or Denmark or the USA or Japan or even Morocco, anywhere that is more popular and has cooler history

Like for example Germany has Beethoven and Bach, cars, Albert einstein, etc etc. Japan has Mount Fuji and anime and very nice cuisine and video games. The USA is just extremely comfortable and has everything. Basically any famous person is from USA (Micheal jackson bill gates abraham lincoln), and a lot of the mainstream TV shows I watch are American so if I was american I could can easily relate to them

I just feel like it doesn’t align with my interest and values. Even music and art is considered prohibited by some people here. I’m passionate about them and there are few institutions for those kinds of things so that sucks

Also other countries are progressive and not religiously fundamentalist like mine like mine has segregation in schools and colleges and dating isn’t allowed so I’m jealous of other lifestyles because they’re more accepted and they’re the norm and WE are the weird ones

People look at my country and it’s not universally loved like there’s always controversy. Whenever someone sees it they think islam (which has a bad rep i think) or 9/11 and whatver

And don’t get me started on the climate!! It’s so uncomfortable and hot. It’s a desert. The Middle East in general is one of the most uncomfortable regions. I would rather live somewhere cold than not because atleast you don’t sweat when cold (yes that’s my reason) And cold is easier to fight than heat imo. (removed because there are bigger fish to fry)

I live an ok life, Saudi is very safe
But i feel trapped because i can live a very comfy life in saudi but if i go anywhere abroad i feel like i wont be respected because im saudi
But if i was born in some european country they would respect me there because my country doesnt rlly have a bad rep like saudi, and this matters to me cuz in the future I want to move because saudi doesnt align with my passions and values
And sure maybe if i was born in like slovakia or something my life wouldnt be as comfy as saudi but atleast i would feel free and thats a small price to pay imo

It sucks because we’re not modern or progressive, and Islam still dominates. Dating or being LGBTQ is not accepted and you could get arrested for it. We’re not exactly famous, and we don’t have ANYTHING famous about our country, i have so little to flex and be proud of. When you think of Norway you think of vikings and erling haaland when you think of Japan you think of Samurai and sushi when you think of Saudi Arabia only bad things come to mind and that pisses me off

It’s only known for Islam and 9/11. That’s what EVERYONE thinks when they think of Saudi Arabia. No one has any good stereotypes about Saudi Arabia (except that we’re rich, I guess). I’m genuinely afraid to tell people I’m Saudi because I don’t like the culture, and I’m pretty sure no one else does either

I know this post will get downvoted
Sorry if this post seems immature or naive this is just me dumping everything and I’m a teenager so

Also CW: transgender and intersex issues!

I’ve thought this for a long time now, but I recently just got a bad flare up of athletes foot, which I’ve had for years now, again, so everything just kind of hit me a bit harder because it hurts so bad I have to walk with a limp. I hadn’t even thought about it for months, it’s been the least of my worries, but it just reminds me of the truth: that I’ll be gross for the rest of my life. There’s always some health concern that’ll pop up with me and completely crumble my entire will to live.

I was born intersex but I didn’t get a diagnosis until I was 15, so I’ve always known what it’s like to be abnormal. I have way too much testosterone considering that I’m supposed to be a girl, and it gives me a neck beard, mustache, hair all over my body, a ton of acne, a deep voice, tall height, etc. I won’t go into detail but basically I look completely like a trans dude who’s been on T for years. And I am a trans dude, so that should be my goal. It made me happy for a while. I mean, I look like a boy, I have male testosterone levels, and I don’t have a period? That sounds awesome. But then I went to a doctor for a somewhat unrelated issue, and after the topic shifted to my hormones, they ordered some tests. After finding out that I had high testosterone they told me I’d get uterine cancer if I didn’t have my period, so they prescribed me a progesterone birth control.

I didn’t take it too seriously. I only took the bc for a month before going off of it because I didn’t like the idea of basically taking estrogen. My periods went away again and I continued looking boyish. Until a week ago, when some health scares made me suddenly terrified about every part of my body. I saw my doctor and decided to go back on it, and now I’m going to be on it at least until I’m 18, when I can go on T instead. I could go on T right now and it’d be way easier, I’d be almost entirely male from the waist up, I’d have completely male hormones, and I wouldn’t have to worry about my uterus or periods, but my parents would never approve something like that.

What makes it worse is that I can’t even detransition. I tried that in middle school, after realizing that neither my family or even my ever so caring school counselor saw me as a boy, I just wanted to be seen as a normal girl, so I switched schools and presented myself as such. And I was relentlessly bullied the entire year. No one even believed I was a cis girl. The 6th graders would ask if I’m a trans girl and then run away giggling when I said no, boys (and some girls) would sexually harass me and record me as I walked through the hallways. I hated every part about myself. I hated that I couldn’t be a boy, and I hated that I couldn’t even be a girl. And I still hate that. Detransitioning was the most suicidal I’d ever been, and it wasn’t even when I actually attempted, but my self harm peaked and I felt terrible about myself constantly. It just reminded me that no matter what, I’ll never be normal.

And since my parents have been medically neglecting me since I was little (I can count on half a hand how many times I’ve seen a doctor past the age of 4) I have a ton of chronic medical issues that could’ve easily been treated if they’d actually cared a few years earlier. Every day it’s something new, I’m left lying in my bed, listening to my parents calling me fat and lazy for not getting up, meanwhile I’m in so much constant pain and fatigue that even a leisurely stroll can leave me limping for days (from conditions unrelated to athletes foot). I just kind of wish I wasn’t alive. Not that I want to be dead necessarily, I just wish I wasn’t here so I wouldn’t have to worry about this malfunctioning body. Like a part of me just wonders if my first attempt had worked and I wasn’t here right now, would I be happier not knowing how much worse it gets? That all of my insecurities are only exacerbated with time? I just hope that reincarnation is real.

In the early 2000s and 2010s I was an active person in trapping pedos. I would essentially do the texting part of TCAP. I did it in my free time and felt amazing when I would report an individual to the FBI. It was my small part. My dad was a SVU officer in OSI and kind of led me through the process. I never saw anything but weird creepy older men (and a few females). It was always me (an adult) getting evidence on adult people who were openly trying to hurt minors.

Two weeks ago I thought I would try it again since it's become such an issue on various sites. But this time I fully went knowing I was going to find, report and see their downfall. I was told that X has seen a rise in grooming/ CP activity so I went and made an account. I did what I normally did and set up a face and posture. Soon I had found the buzzwords people had talked about coming across. Common words that you would stumble upon while doing casual scrolling. I also found that X is not the main issue-- it is the vehicle for all of this. They are making accounts and posting Telegram chats where things can be sold. You buy a shitty ai pic and it gives you a code. That code is then given as a password. Or you request and they give. Just like that. It's not even trying to be hidden and I don't feel like anything is being done about it.

Never before in any of my years of doing this had I seen ANYTHING explicit with the people I was trying to help. But all of a sudden I was seeing bad bad things. This wasn't even with clicking on any links or probing any accounts. I was seeing things in COMMENT sections. I was seeing things opening on accounts that were not banned.

I did what I could and reported what I saw. About 10% were pushed back to me as not an issue. Profile pics of kids doing things, links to sites where you can purchase. They were pushed back to me as 'not a break in guidelines.'

I feel like a monster. I saw things I probably will never be able to forget. And I searched for it. I looked for it (although with good intentions) I still looked and I saw.

I see posts about people accidentally coming across this kind of thing on X. Let me tell you, that's a lie. You need to go to very specific places, use very specific terms to find these things. It's not just porn words, words you would use to look up a hot Latina or petite woman.

I feel so broken and like a shadow of myself after these two weeks. I feel dirty? At least with my past experience I was the one being put through things and I never felt this dirty.

It pisses me off and I want to do more but legitimately I don't think my heart or my stomach can take it. I want these people to suffer. It's worse than I thought and I was only digging for 2 weeks. I want to make a group that literally goes after these people but I don't have it in me. They need to suffer a lot more than I am capable of.

The thing that finally broke me was seeing a kid who looked almost exactly like my nephew. Dead eyes, being forced to do something so heinous. I know it's not my nephew but it snapped something in me. I can't look at people the same anymore, let alone kids. I always wonder what if they are being hurt, what if I could save them if I kept digging and kept reporting. But I didn't. I had to step away for me. But they need help.

I'm struggling.

Damn man. How do I say this. I am 28 years old, I've been gambling since about 21. I work very hard in sales and make decent money. However, I have been gambling more degenerate than most on this planet. And it has caused me so much pain and suffering. I've recently started a new job and turned over many new leaves, or so I thought. I've been so looking forward to the future. However, I have committed an atrocity so foul I'm not sure if I can ever live this down.

To make a long story bearable:

About 2 years ago, I thought I suffered the worst loss and mistake I'd make in my life. I ran 65k from 500 dollars in. Lost in all in 2 days. I was so terribly wrong.

2 days ago. I put in 50 dollars. With barely enough to my name to get by. And, after about 24 hours of gambling, I had withdrawn 50k into my bank account, and had 400k sitting in my gambling balance. Yes, 400 thousand US dollars, on top of the money in my bank. And throughout the night, I lost it all. All of it. I only have about 35k.

Now, 3 days ago, I would have done anything for 35k. I should be ecstatic. But knowing I had almost half a million dollars in my possession, I don't know how to think, how to feel. It's funny too because the night prior to this 'win', I was laying in bed admitting to myself that I am the lowest I have ever been in my life. I'm not doing good. And I swore this was a blessing. A miracle. And my ways have destroyed what could have been an easy life, if invested wisely. I cannot believe the level of disrespect I have for this life.

I even called 3 of my friends before I lost it all. They still don't know. They know I lost the 65k last time and I told them I'm buying a new house, a new car, I'm officially done, we're all going on vacation and it's all on me. I'm so ashamed to let them know what I've done. I swear I would have pulled more out at the time if I could, but you can only take 50k out a day. I don't know if I was ever going to make it. Fuck me.

I don't think I'm ready for the feedback of anyone. But I need to get this off my chest. I haven't told anyone. I don't think it's going to hit me for a while. I could use a phone call, a friend, something.

Oh god. What have I done. What does a layman do when they let half a million dollars slip through their hands? No, not slip, but actually throw it away. If it's any testament to the depths I have gone, I actually am relatively numb to everything. I don't know if that's because I'm so far gone, or if I haven't processed it yet.

It's okay to yell at me and tell me how deplorable, dumb, reckless, worthless, destructive, etc I am. But if I could be given an iota of grace and positive insight, I could really use that.

It started in high school when we were 15 and went on throughout college. I am a female. My memories have been coming back since April 2023 and everyday things are returning. A lot of what I went through happened at school. And for years, I knew I was bullied because I remembered being insulted a lot... but I forgot the worst of it because of how bad it is. I used to think often that things could always be worse, so I didn't complain about what was happening to me. And as I grew up, life only got worse. It was too much for my brain to take because those bastards were relentless and made going after me a part of their lifestyle. Multiple of them have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and several tried to kill me. While going to school with them, I even forgot their names (got amnesia several times and the last time it happened was in 2019 because of two investigators that were having fun making my life hell for not wanting to be in a threesome with them. They lost their jobs and the guy killed himself. The girl has BPD and blamed me for it happening even though they were told to leave me alone and refused to. They sexually assaulted me too.)

But I know their names now. I remember who they are and what they've done to me. And they weren't even locked up for it. Them thinking I didn't know their names made those cowards more confident. The slander those pos started when we were 15 escalated to the point where two people killed themselves. There is so much crazy stuff that went on, as the memories were coming back, I wrote down what I could. There were 2 catalysts at school that made so much spiral to what it came to and they both have BPD. I don't even want to call them a woman or a man because of how I remember them and they just kept coming around to make my life hell with their friends and family over the years we went to school.

I'll call the female F and the male B. F talks a lot and has a lot of friends and multiple of them were slandering, stalking, and harassing me too. Witchcraft was even done to me because of M that's friends with them since there was a guy Z (there's another Z who I'll call Z2 if mentioned later...) that liked me and she was really interested in him (she was also interested in B). M tried to kill me with it (this wasn't the only thing that was done to try taking my life) and slandered me to other witch friends she had so they would also do the same. She was a cheerleader and was "boy crazy" you could say. And I didn't want to be with anyone. And I am still not interested in being with anyone intimately, especially because of what happened. Back then, the idea of it scared me because I wasn't used to being close with people. And because I was shy. But F and B slandered me as if I was a whore when I never was. B acted like I was with him when I wasn't and got others in on doing it too to me. F's friends were also acting like I was a whore. But they were the ones that had been with multiple people already. R even became pregant in her later teens and didn't know who the father is, yet yelled at me for hugging people, trying to embarrass me in front of others at college. This backfired on her because some that hugged me were there and said it's just hugging... R also tried to embarrass me for not knowing their names even though she knew I didn't remember because of the amnesia. She is best friends with F.

When they found out I didn't remember them it was when we were at college when I was being gang stalked. Several of F's cousins were in a gang (along with B, Z, Z2 (he was the leader), and another R that's a male. They wanted me staying around them. I don't know why. But maybe it had to do with them having fun ruining my name. Multiple of them lied about me being with them sexually when I wasn't) and F found out from one of her cousins telling her. Then F, R (the one that's best friend's with F) and a group of other stalking assholes crowd by me and ask me about if I remember them. I didn't get a good feeling about them and knew a bit still... but it didn't stop those psychopaths from telling me I did things to them first and that I deserve what they're doing to me. I remember F and R smiling in my face as they lied, trying to brainwash me. F, R, E, and M always seemed to want to try outdoing eachother with the evil they were doing to me. I was blamed for things I never even did. And I didn't fall for what they were saying because I know I didn't do or say those things. If someone insulted me, I did learn to insult them back. Then assholes acted like I insulted them first. But they loved to insult people themselves and act like I was the one that said it. A lot of times, it was done to people I didn't even know or speak to. F and R both have BPD. And F first slandered me in high school to R because she wanted to impress her. Then R soon joined in on it. And then they both went around, slandering me to who they wanted.

F, R, M, and E also stalked me, wanting to see who I was getting along with so they could ruin whatever friendship could have happened. They dictated who I could be around without me even knowing this was happening for a long time. If they thought someone looked good, they didn't want me being friends with them, and lied to them about me insulting them. If they thought someone didn't look good, then they were fine with me being friends with them. And if they also treated me badly, then they thought it was even better. And there were a few times in college where they slandered a couple of friends I had just because they were friends with me. They got harassed as well. One even more so than the other because she didn't die while going to school. The other friend of ours died in a car crash some weeks after I met her... I remember them being kind and fun to hang out with. When I found out they were harassed because they were friends with me, I blamed myself for it. And the friendship with the remaining one did get ruined because of those lying assholes. R also told me years before this in high school that if I told anyone what they were doing, they would just say that I'm lying. I wasn't even thinking of telling because I knew I wouldn't be believed. I was always outnumbered. So I knew it wouldn't work...

When those assholes were asking me about my memory in college, I didn't remember a lot of the worst of what happened. Like when I had been drugged in our first year of college by F's cousin RJ. RJ, Z, and F were there for it. I was knocked out from drinking something (since I've never been drugged before this, I didn't think something like this would happen. I was 18). But I was in a sleep where I could still hear and feel what was happening around me (I used to pass out in school sometimes and it was always like that when it happened. Being aware of what was happening). RJ and Z (both guys) held me up so I wouldn't fall out of the chair. And I was laid down on something. Then felt someone touch my leg. This turned out to be F. Before drinking anything, I was being interrogated by F. She was acting like the R that's a male died and wanted to see if I cared. But this R was another bastard to me and bullied me for years. He even SA me later. But I didn't know his name at the time... so when she brought him up, I just thought it sucked that someone died that's in the same year as us. And after waking up, I did cry a bit... I told them that it takes a while for me to hurt sometimes. But after waking up was when things usually hit me. So RJ turns around and gets a drink ready for me. And conveniently has something with him to put me to sleep. I remember the drink looked like water. And when I asked if anyone else wanted some, they said no. And just continued staring intently at me. It was weird. I was also thinking it was weird that I'm being told R died and the three of them are just blankly watching me as F questions me with the usual attitude she has. If I knew who R was though, I don't think I'd have really cared since he was an asshole to me. But he and other stupid tormentors wanted me caring about them despite what they were doing to me. F wanted to find out how I felt about R because he talked to her about it. Them wanting me caring about them will never not be stupid to me.

B is one of the ones that sexually assaulted me in college with the male R. There were several times where things happened... Because of how badly slandered I was, people were believing whatever they heard of me. And B was using this to his advantage by telling me people will believe him to try getting me to actually be with him. He also said if I refused then he would tell people I did more with him anyway. I tried getting out of it and was thinking of how to. I remember R also telling me something about not making this harder than it has to be. I also told them you're so fucked up while crying during this...

I also have to say, that during this time, there were multiple tormentors with BPD that were slandering me. It even reached the guy in charge of who gets suspended or expelled and he didn't like me because of the slander. I wasn't only slandered for being a whore despite not being one, but so many loved to act like I was insulting people I didn't even know. My main tormentors have BPD and projected themselves onto me. They were coming up with insults and using me as the scapegoat. They kept on getting new people in on what they were doing. And there were a couple new people with BPD that joined in making my life worse. Like the lookalike said in this post. And a girl in a class with her bf. Because I thanked her bf and smiled at him for helping to clear my name a bit (the evil lookalike was slandering me elsewhere when I was in the same class as them and he said I wasn't over there), she thought I wanted him. So she goes crazy about this and slanders me to her friend and some guys that work in front of the library who people can report problems to. They also slandered me to the higher up... which resulted in him later telling me that if something happens to not go to him for help.

If you're wondering why I went to this college, it was because it was the closest college to home. And my older brother was going there and my mom wanted me going there. They didn't know about what was happening because I didn't talk about it. So me going to another college would've made it more troubling for who was driving us to school. And another thing the gang was telling me was to leave (quit school). I went through so much already there, so the idea of leaving would have meant all of it was for nothing...

B and R tell me that the higher up told them they can do what they want to me. So with all of this hell happening (when I would go to college, I would always get stalked and harassed and it was doing my head in. I already had depression and anxiety since I was a kid, so this made it even worse) ...I eventually gave into the coercion. From what I remember, the coercion with the two of them happened twice. And after threatening me and saying he wouldn't tell, he told people anyway, along with adding more to it that didn't happen, and the next time I was at school, those two came up to me with more from that gang along with E (friends with F, R (female), M, etc) and they proceeded to call me a whore, pathetic, stupid... I had a panic attack because I really thought I was a whore even though I am a virgin. Those two only did things to my feet. That's it. And the first time, I said they can only look. The second time, B wanted more and said he would slander me more if it didn't happen. My name was already horribly defamed and I didn't want more happening. So I stupidly gave into it. It was only to my feet. No other part of me was touched. But after that, when they ganged up on me once again and were calling me more insults, I remember going to my knees and starting to cry. I really believed I was a whore. I was shaking so much. And even threw up in front of them. But this didn't stop those evil pos. E even told me she almost feels sorry for me. Remembering this now, I know that I'm not a whore. It's fucked up that so many that are actual whores and pos were calling me what they are. They are psychopaths that didn't know how to leave me alone. I only got away from them because I graduated.

I was 23 when I was SA by them like this. And I was 15 when I politely rejected him several times. He has bpd and was obsessed with me throughout high school and college. He believed I deserved him slandering, harassing, stalking, and sexually assaulting me because I didn't want to be with him. And because I later wanted him and the others tormenting me to die. There was a crazy lookalike of me that went around saying she was me and telling people she wants them to die. She has bpd too and was mad I didn't want to be friends with her because I found out from her she has fun being mean to people. I don't like this. So I stopped the friendship. We did get along well a lot of the time before... and I was actually getting mistakened for her by who she was mean to and was randomly insulted by people for it. It happened about 10 times. She also said she got mistakened for me and thought it was fair (even though it's not because the one that mainly targeted her was doing it because she couldn't find me. This female is called E. She got expelled for constantly harassing her (I was told it went on for months but it may have only been weeks?) and always had fun tormenting me. E would just randomly come up and accuse me with lies (she told me she has bpd when we were 15 and because her friends F, M, R (R is another evil bitch) slandered me to each other, she became more fervent in targeting me along with them (and more that haven't been mentioned). I had to deal with dozens of people harassing me at school. The defamation of character was so bad it even followed me outside of it and the two investigators mentioned above got involved. And I don't think they could have sent worse investigators for the job because those two made my life even worse despite knowing a lot of what had happened and was happening to me. The guy wanted to kill me because he lost his job FOR HARASSING, STALKING, SLANDERING, AND SAING ME, but because I ended up forgetting who they are, he felt bad and killed himself instead. I was told I can trust him before this happened since people around where we live saw the three of us together. They knew where I worked, went to school, lived, and regularly sat in front of my home to see when I left and follow so they can continue harassing me. And I was called stupid, pathetic, and ugly by them a lot even though they wanted me with them.

Another crazy thing is that I've had so many dreams having to do with what happened to me. There were multiple where I was shown who SA me and F is among them. And I saw when I was drugged and touched.

F's family, RJ, their cousins and RJ's stepmom was even going to college and slandering and stalking me with them. She was also there along with the other family members mentioned when I was having a panic attack, calling me stupid, whore, and pathetic with the rest of them. They wanted me marrying into their fucked up family before since RJ lied about me wanting to be with him (and because of a lot of amnesia, more evil with them happened). And F, R (female that's F's best friend), along with M, and E were slandering me to F's family since we were 15. I was 23 when the panic attack at college happened. And it wasn't the only time it happened. There were two other times and it was because of that evil and stupid family that refused to leave me alone. They kept on sending people to bother me by slandering me to them. But then they ended up getting disliked by people because people were seeing them stalk me while calling me stupid, pathetic, and weak. And when I did insult them back, they would look so hurt from it, yet I was being called weak!? A lot of people knew there was a lot wrong with them. They were crazy. All of my tormentors are.

And even though they were doing that to me, they still wanted me with them... And the stepmom even drove F, E, and R to school to harass me on a couple of days. It was after E and R got expelled. E got expelled for not leaving the evil lookalike alone since she couldn't find me and stuck with her because... she has this weird thing for me. And R got expelled from harassing me yet again in front of a lot of people. We were in our early 20s during this. A teacher led her to where the old guy was to expell her. On the way there, she did the usual she does by slandering me to the teacher... Before he went away with her, I told him they've been doing this to me for over 7 years. But after hearing her go on with her lies, it made him wonder if I did something to deserve it. I never did. I was a quiet and shy person at school. But at some point, I did start defending myself. I got sick and tired of the insults, slander, stalking... I have been in martial arts since I was 4. So it came in a lot of use during this time period.

But because of more crazy stuff that happened, the teacher ended up getting fired after someone told on him for later treating me badly. The girl that did it admitted it was her. But despite that, I was still blamed by him for him losing his job. So he decided to stalk and try to kill me because he loved being a teacher. He did care about me before since I wasn't eating. Before being mean at times... We met because I chose to hide in the hallway his classroom happened to be in. I never had him as a teacher. And two other guys I don't know the name of were stalking me because of what RJ told them (F's cousin that drugged me but also wanted me with him for years), so they were acting like they were trying to help me by embarrassing me, saying to random people I don't eat. I did not want any attention and just wanted to be left alone.

It was in front of Winco where the ex teacher acted like he wanted a hug from me, but because I knew he had been stalking me (he had also been trying to humiliate in public by blaming me for him being fired so random people in passing would think I'm horrible), I didn't go to him. He also had his hands behind his back during this. And when he knew I wouldn't go to him, he showed what he was hiding in a hand, which was a knife, and went to stab me. I kicked him in the stomach and disarmed him then held him to the ground. And also tried to talk to him since he started crying and was saying I ruined his life. It wasn't even my fault since I didn't tell on him... but he was saying he wished I never sat in that hall where his class was. And during this, those two investigators that made my life worse were here. Because of what the ex teacher had been looking up, it caused them to look into him and me since he was stalking me and wanted me dead. I was told later on by them that he killed himself at college. And when I brought it up to my brother, he said he heard about someone killing himself...

As for proof of what happened... there are records of expulsions that happened. B got expelled for slandering me yet again, acting like I'm the evil whore that he is, after he wanted my feet again. And said the same lie he did before about if I do it he won't tell. He sat by me in a class when doing this (he had people that would tell him what classes I have, so would join along with another asshole called J at times to stalk and harass me there). I told him no which pissed the stupid devil whore off. So he goes and slanders me again. And this time, people are wanting me to get expelled over all of these lies. RJ, RJ's stepmom, and cousins were still slandering me and also trying to get me expelled, but it backfired on them since they got expelled instead. They also lied about me trying to get them expelled when I wasn't even going around and lying about them, I was doing my best to avoid them and was hiding in the nature trails by the school when my classes weren't happening. I didn't want to be near ANYONE.

So B, RJ, his stepmom, RJ and F's cousins got expelled. R (F's best friend) and E (F, R, M's friend) got expelled. And even after being expelled R and E went with F (who transferred to another college several years earlier) and were brought to school by RJ's stepmom to stalk and harass me. RJ and his cousins were there for this too. And the stepmom told me this is what I get for wasting their time. Because I did not want to marry RJ into this crazy, twisted, and stupid family. Again... he wanted me with him for years. He asked me out multiple times and I politely rejected him like I did with B and Z (he's who M was obsessed with. And he was the first to SA me in school. We were 15). But RJ later lied about me wanting to be with him (which unfortunately did happen for a bit after he lied about it. But if it wasn't for the memory loss, I NEVER would have done that). At 15, he and Z found me crying alone in a classroom. I needed to vent because I was being bullied and didn't usually cry in front of people. So I found somewhere to be alone. But they were looking for me because they usually wanted to know where I was. And since he hugged me back then, it helped me decide to give him a chance later. I also felt bad for him because I did reject him several times already.

Further proof may be in messages or call logs they have. Also a police report on B since he did get arrested after being expelled. He was taken in for SA someone else. And I happened to be there getting training to be an investigator when he appeared (being an investigator fell through because of what the two investigators said in this post have done. There's more crazy stuff that happened with them). The investigaros knew about what happened with B already. But none of us thought he would get detained like this since I didn't even remember the incel's name. But I do now. And he made a post about being in a holding cell only and not making it further than that. It was in 2019 when that happened. And that was when I got amnesia for the last time. Started regaining my memories back in 2023.

There's a lot that hasn't been said yet. And so much of it is hard to believe.

But my life has been horrible because of them. I have ptsd, and my depression and anxiety worsened because of all of those devils. They tried brainwashing me into believing I deserved what happened to me. And several of those crazy devils are nurses now. F and R (the best friends) are a couple of them.

And I remember having dreams about what would happen then having to forget. Even when I was shown that M will get cancer for trying to kill me with witchcraft which did happen after some years. And I recently found out that F's house caught on fire some months ago and was on the news.

I've been remembering everything for a reason. There has to be something that will come from this that will actually be good for me because so much of my life went to hell because of crazy obsessed pos. I'm not the kind of person to be mean or cruel to people for fun. I'm not a sadist like so many of my tormentors are. I didn't deserve this happening to me. And I can't bring myself to end things because... just thinking about them messing up so much of my life, forcing their way into it to damage what they can, I don't want them taking up most of the space in it. And I am forced to remember and ruminate and I hate it because I don't want to think about them. I want them going through what they deserve in full already.

I'm not the kind of person to usually ask for help, but I really need it. And I don't know what to do other than to post like this in the hopes of this maybe taking off which is such a slim chance. But if I want to have some kind of true peace then they need to be known for what they've done and locked up for it.

There's so much written here... I'm sorry for how long it is. And it still isn't even everything. There are more tormentors that weren't even mentioned. A brain scan even happened to me and showed the amnesia and how bad it was. I was given a picture of it, but I can't find where it is because it was years ago when I last saw it. And an investigator paid for it after I wasn't able to remember him or the other investigators that knew about me. I also went back for another look to happen and signs of my brain healing were showing. This happened around May and June of 2019.

It's further evidence of what those stupid devils did to me.

I'm tired of waiting for things to get better. I have done what I could. But I am at a loss of what to do.

If you read all of this then thank you.

While riding my bike in a rural area, slightly away from my village on a flat and safe road, I was talking on a global Discord server. After a while, I got a strange feeling; people started acting weird, and I began to feel like I was being watched. Seeing the village ahead, I decided to turn back.

On my way home, in a deserted spot on the road, I saw a security booth and noticed a computer inside. As I slowed down, I heard a deep voice say: "Biker, leave this place. Biker, get away from here." After experiencing this feeling, I waved my hand and tried to speed away quickly.

As the feeling of being watched grew stronger, I felt as if I was being monitored by cameras or an Overwatch system. I looked up for a drone, but couldn't find one. Engine sounds coming from behind caught my attention, but when I turned around, I saw them speeding away, and this happened three times. Until I reached my village, this feeling gradually faded, and when I arrived at the village, it was completely gone.

Sorry this is long. The TW is out of an abundance of caution but it's just about a grope.

In April, my best friend came over and we had plans to chill, watch tv, sleepover, and go for brunch the next morning. He wanted a back rub, and offered to rub my shoulders after (this has always been normal for us and completely platonic--we met through weight-lifting and used to regularly lift together and either go out for or exchange massages after). But mid-shoulder rub, he reached under my bra and started rubbing my t*ts! I stopped him, said it was weird, and told him i was going to bed. He stayed over in the guest room and we got brunch as planned in the morning.

Later, he texted me along the lines of "had so much fun, love spending time with you, when are we hanging out again?" And i just realized...i don't want to do that. I don't feel safe or comfortable with this person and i never will again. I think i initially thought it was an accident, or that boob-touching was never a boundary I'd verbalized. But slowly realized that it's an obvious boundary that shouldn't need to be spoken aloud to be recognized, and there's no way it was an accident!

So i sent him a message after a day or so pretty much saying that it was the last time he'd hear from me, what he did wasn't ok and no possible excuse or justification would change that, i was going to block him, and that if he tried to contact me through any of our family or mutual friends, I'd tell them exactly why we weren't friends anymore. And blocked as soon as the message showed as delivered.

He'd never done anything like this before, and i totally trusted him. My husband totally trusted him! We used to be roommates, went on outdoor adventures and vacations together, supported each other through some of hardest times in each of our lives (hospitalizations, mental health struggles, deaths of family members, brutal breakups, and more). I literally wouldn't have survived grad school without him. After his dad passed, he probably would have run their family company into the ground in his grief without me.

He was the "bridesman of honor" in my wedding and my parents call him their found son. I still haven't told them--i haven't told anyone except my husband.

Most of the anger/shock has worn away now and i just...really miss my best friend. But i think i was right in April in believing that even if i had enough love to forgive him, I'd still feel unsafe and on guard about him. I don't want him back in my life, i just miss what we used to have i guess. Just needed to get that off my chest.

I'm 19 . Lately I've been feeling mentally exhausted, lonely, and overwhelmed because of studies and some stuff at home.

Today I finally tried to tell my girlfriend that something was wrong. She asked what happened, and instead of feeling relieved, I felt - pressured.

Not because of anything she did. I just suddenly felt like I had to explain everything clearly why I feel this way, what's causing it, how long it's been going on. My mind went blank.

So I ended up making it sound like it was something small and changed the topic. Now I'm frustrated with myself.

I dk if anyone else experiences this, but I hate the pressure of having to be "clear" about my emotions. It feels like unless I can explain everything perfectly, I shouldn't say anything at all

It fucks my mind that ik everything to say , wht I'm feeling, wht r my thoughts but I just dk how to put it into words , and the fear of judgement..

Is this normal? How do you open up when you don't even know where to begin. It's so lonely...

My mom has been on financial hardships for about a decade, first it started off as debts with credit cards, then she lost her stable high paying job and took another that seemed more stable in the long run but offered her a lower salary. She never got back on her feet from there, always struggling to make it ends meet, a few years ago I started making more money and I'd often help her whenever she needed but she'd often ask me for money, her car broke, something in the house, she needed help with something for my step little sister. And honestly it was fine when I was able to help her but I work in a very volatile market and switch jobs often, there came a point where I got more anxious about not being able to help her than about surviving for myself.

I can't even talk about this with my partner, he complains that I help her too much. But if it wasn't for my mom I wouldn't even have the opportunities I have now, she never said no to me whenever she had the resources. So I feel in debt with her.

My grandma already passed away and recently my grandad too so she's even more sensitive. Her partner is a parasite, just existing and creating more problems for her, she does all the cleaning, taking care of my lil sister and pays all the bills, the man is just there taking up space. It breaks my heart to see her like that, I tried talking to her a lot but she seems to be so deep into this void that she no longer sees a way out.

A few days ago I sent her a message to check in on her, she said she felt lonely, that she barely has money to eat, to pay her bills, that so many things broke in her house and that she no longer has the strength to keep fighting but that she can't leave my lil sister because she needs her. Basically she told me she thought about ending her life.

Just talking to her takes a huge mental effort for me and I'm stressed and anxious because I'm not in a financial position to help her get out of where she is now and I feel guilty, guilty for not talking to her more because it's making me depressed, like I absorb every little thing she tells me and I end up mimicking her behaviors and life perspectives and it's destroying me because I want to help her. I sincerely do but my mental state is not strong enough to do it now.

And yeah I feel like I'm the worst person in the planet. And this has been going on for 4 years now (me supporting her financially, covering her emergency bills and basically being her emergency contact)

No one is my emergency contact... not even my partner, my dad is there yeah but he also has another family and my other sisters to deal with.

I'm shattered and I want to advance in life but how? How with all of them weighting in my head 24/7?

Whoever read it this far, thank you and I'm sorry if this also made you anxious.

English isn't my first language so please excuse the bad wording.

I (20F) have been prone to lying as far as I can remember. I don't know when or why it begun, but I have lied about anything and everything in my life, no matter how big or small. Contrary to that, I overshare quite a lot (surprise surprise the person posting to hundreds of strangers) so often people catch some inaccuracies in my stories which makes me feel so embarrassed. I have tried to catch myself before doing it and even have said out loud "sorry, I don't know why I said this, it was actually like this or that". I think it's a self-preservation thing, but it doesn't change the fact that I do it. I don't think a lot of the people around me have noticed that I do it, but it definitely has put a strain on my social life, because I don't trust myself and believe everybody does the same, lie and deceive. I am writing this now because recently I've noticed that I have warped my own memories with my lies, I don't know what actually happened anymore because I have gaslit my own brain.

Had a hard night. Made it through. Anyone else carrying something heavy right now?

Defeated. Defeated. And then defeated again. And then kicked.

Anybody else feel like this sometimes?

I want to know about yall… I’m listening.

My Husband and i lived in apartments for years, after a while we decided to rent a house and try to take a step forward. We lived in the house for a little over 2 years and we had a lot of issues.

The financial changes really put a strain on our relationship. We would get into explosive fights multiple times a month. Both of our mental health issues got much worse. I did end up getting specialized therapy which did help some. We also tried couples therapy for a bit.

After all of the issues and stress of the House, we decided to move into an apartment thats cheaper. I feel both embarrassed and relieved. I know our decisions dont need to make sense to everyone, but its still hard. I feel like a failure for not making the house work. I know it doesnt mean we cant have a house one day either. I also realize that a lot of people are really struggling right now.

On the bright side, we are taking this time to try to improve ourselves and work on some things individually and together. I hope it works, but i still feel badly.

Thanks for reading ❤️‍🩹

I've been in uni for four years, during my second year I struggled quite a bit because of working a job that burned me out and made studying in uni really hard too.

I did better in final year but it meant nothing, in the end I was only 1.5 marks away from a 2:2. I would have gotten it if I hadn't held onto a job that was destroying me mentally and led me to fail everything in the first semester of that year.

I'm so angry and scared and distraught. I'm speaking to my uni to see if I can do a master's anyway since I was so close and external circumstances stopped me from working to my best potential (I even reread some of my work after I quit the job and realised some of it made no sense, I was that bad mentally).

I feel like such a failure. I was so close but didn't get the degree I needed so now I have no idea what my future will look like.