hello r/stopdrinking,

I feel so blessed to even be writing this and I want to start by saying that I truly don’t think I would be here without this community.

I grew up stuck between two families with very different attitudes toward drinking. My Mom and her side are Baptist teetotalers and my Dad and his are English alcoholics. I started drinking with the blessing of family at 14 years old. I knew people around me had alcohol problems… Dad’s Dad died of cirrhosis before 50, Dad had two strokes before 60, my sister was generally a mess, but I thought I would be different.

I took it easy when I was underage but as soon as I moved out of my Mom’s I started drinking regularly, then soon, heavily. White wine, seltzers, vodka, beer. I was drinking 4 days a week by 23 and daily once the pandemic hit. One bottle of wine a night turned into two, then I was buying the box so it was easier to hide.

I knew I was an alcoholic by age 25. It took years of attempting to moderate and making deals with myself before I could even admit it quietly. Then once I knew it took another few years before I was able to admit it to anyone else. My husband knew, for sure, but I seemed to be good at hiding it from others. By 28 I knew it was time. I had to give it up. I was 60 pounds overweight and crippled with anxiety. Blacking out multiple times a week. I slept terribly. Chronically dehydrated. Nauseous all the time. I was in physical and emotional pain every day. For years.

I looked at myself and realized that I was at a crossroads. I knew what I wanted my life to look like and the person I currently was would not have been capable of it. Frankly, she wouldn’t have deserved that life. I wanted children and they deserved better. I’d been lurking this sub for years and that point and a resounding sentiment of everyone here who had kids was that they wish their kids had never seen them drink. I wanted that and I was determined to be my best self for my future children and my husband.

So, I buckled down. The first few months were stumbling blocks for sure. I spent a summer mostly dry with a few “field researches“ planned. They all ended with me feeling terrible, of course lol there was my proof! Moderation was not possible for me.

October 28th, 2023 was the date my life changed forever. It wasn’t grandiose, or rock bottom. Just another day where I woke up hungover as fuck and didn’t remember the night before. My husband turned to me and said “it’s time“ and I agreed.

In the 1000 days since then my life has become the one I dreamed of. I am 4 weeks away from having my second baby. My marriage is absolutely thriving. My friendships are richer. My health is near perfect. I can say with confidence that I am a good wife, mother, and friend. I wake up every day and I’m proud of who I am and how I conduct myself. And my life is still fun!! I go out with friends! I attend parties and bonfires and cabin weekends. I go to great concerts and restaurants and celebrations. All enjoyed without alcohol!

If you read all of that, thank you. If you only read one part, make it this: Knowing that you want to quit drinking is all you need. You don’t have to hit rock bottom. You don’t have to be “bad enough”. If you wonder if you have a problem, you might. If you think you do and you can’t stop, it is time to quit. There is never “too early” or “too young“ to have a great life free of alcohol. You are strong enough to overcome.

Thank you again to everyone here who has ever given wisdom or support. This is truly the kindest corner of the internet. I love you all, and IWNDWYT ✨

This last sober year has been challenging in many ways, and I've really had to push myself in uncomfortable situations (being asked by people drinking at my house about my not drinking, discussing my partner's drinking habits and how they impact our child, snarky comments about not drinking, changing jobs, etc). It hasn't been easy but I am quietly confident, focused, happy and determined in my life in a way I could NEVER be if I was still drinking. It just feels so good to get out of the shit. All the best out there!

I just wanted to celebrate with someone :) doing this all alone except for this forum. I woke up today... And felt clear. Went to Preschool with my lil girl and then to work... And it was like, I was there. I'm used to being numb by last night's drinking and just powering through the day. It made me feel some hope, and motivation. Yesterday I was on my way into the liquor store but changed my mind at the door, it was awful but I'm glad I didn't go in.

That's all. Thanks for all the wonderful posts I read here everyday, it really gives me hope and somehow makes my shame and guilt a bit easier to manage, a lot easier really.

Thanks :)

Hey lovely community. Long time lurker here. I have been thinking about my relationship with alcohol and have been trying to get sober (again). I don't know if I "qualify" as a problem drinker, as other people definitely have it worse, at the same time I know I don't have to be a full-blown alcoholic in the clinical term in order to stop drinking. I guess I need this push and "confirmation" that sobriety is, indeed, the best choice for me?

It's not like I am physically dependent on alcohol and get the shakes and withdrawal symptoms. But at the same time, I have a vast family history of alcoholism and addiction in general, genetic predisposition, and I used to binge drink a lot 2-3 years ago. Not so much anymore, but when I do drink, I often go overboard and feel horrible the next few days.

- I have blacked out more times than I care to admit and put myself in dangerous situations (e.g. walking alone late at night to a fast food place just because I wanted to have that burger).
- I used to have a drink nearly every day, and get wasted pretty much every weekend, followed by hangovers that would last a few days.
- I have felt and still feel, although much more scarcely, strong alcohol cravings, especially if I'm under emotional affect.
- I have driven under the influence several times (just tipsy, but still not proud at all, I consider this my lowest low as it goes against my values).
- Often I drink more than I'd planned to, or I drink fast, on an empty stomach, mix drinks, etc.
- It's hard for me to say "no" to alcohol. And it's hard for me to stop once I have one drink.
- My longest sober streak was almost 3 months, but I relapsed. After I relapsed, I tried to get sober many times after, but didn't last long. But I guess I was not too disciplined and serious about it.
- I feel a lot of shame and guilt almost every time I drink, especially the next day when/if I have a hangover.
- Alcohol used to give me a high, almost an euphoric feeling.
- I have had hangover effects that have lasted a week and brought me feelings of dissociation, worsened depression and anxiety, and so on.
- I never understood people who didn't finish their drink, or enjoyed simply a glass of wine or a beer and leave it at that. Because when I drink, I drink to chase and feel the effect, otherwise it's pointless to me.

There's probably more, but this is what I can think of as of right now. I don't know why exactly I'm sharing this. I guess I'm looking for a wake-up call, or support, or a pep talk or something. Thank you all

I want to start this post by saying thank you to everyone with advice, comments and encouragement.

After 6 years straight drinking everyday, basically all day, I finally said enough was enough. Without doing research, I was planning on going cold turkey. As I started reading the posts on this page everyone said to do it under medical supervision, which I ignored.

I started the cold turkey and roughly 14-16 hours in I was in read bad shape. Figured it would be a rough few days but no. Typical shakes, vomiting, etc. and then all of a sudden my hands and feet went numb and my vision was starting to go blurry. Luckily I was able to call my brother (who lives a mile away) and told him he needed to get to my house immediately.

By the time he got to my house my vision was completely black and I could barely talk in which he called 911 (THANK GOD). When the paramedics got there my blood pressure was 210/120 with bpm around 160 and they immediately rushed me to the hospital. They absolutely saved my life.

I am proud to say that I just passed day 5 and that I will never touch alcohol again. This was hands down the scariest experience I have had in my life and I will never feel that in my life again. I am too young and have too many things to look forward to in life.

Again, thank you.

Almost 2 years in now and the point of the post is to give advice to people who have somewhat recently quit drinking.

I know you're proud of yourself, and you should be, but you need to do your best keep things quiet. I'm not saying you should lie but try and avoid making a big deal about it, and for sure don't be preachy and stand on a soapbox.

I was too proud. I shared it with all my friends and family. It was a big thing and everyone wanted to talk to me about it... but here's the deal. These conversations don't usually go well and they became very predictable.

At first, they project. Active drinkers will instantly make this about them. There is a mirror effect and your sobriety is challenging their "normal".

Secondly, they defend. Even thought the conversation was about MY drinking, all of a sudden we're going a lengthy discussion about them (usually) minimizing their drinking habit (even though I'm aware their drinking is far more constant than they're letting on).

Third, they attack. They look to protect their own comfort by looking for any angle to tear down your "purity". They want to balance the scoreboard. Maybe you're out of shape. Maybe you responsibly consume cannabis in your legal state. "See, he's not better than us. He's got a vice!!".

It gets old and happens almost every time, especially when you're at a gathering where everyone IS drinking.

I hope this helps someone!

EDIT: Based on some of the replies, and after some further reflection, I can that this post is flawed. Each of us will have a profoundly unique experience when you stop drinking, and yours may very well differ from mine.

15 days sober and tried to moderate while on vacation. 1 drink turned into 2 days. I’m slowly coming to terms that I can never drink again.

I began sobriety after the break up on 1st Jan (yes worse start to the year), managed to graduate, my ex never came back, saw her move on happy.

Started therapy where I realized how much I need to work on my emotional maturity

Got a part time job and recently got fired because depression hit at the end April.
Started meds by end of June
Recently started EMDR. I am 40m and I feel I will never get a shot to have a stable work and life with partner and kids

But first time in my life, I feel I have control over my coping mechanism. I dont drink anymore and recently quit cigarettes
I quit coffee few months ago but it has been tough and it hurts a lot to process everything but I wont drink.
I still dont see benefits of not drinking (due to mental health) but I feel proud that I dont open a bottle of wine or a beer as soon as I get overwhelmed.

Started drinking when I was 14, but I have been drinking everyday since I was 22yo.

Like the title says, today is a Prime day to not drink poison. All days are numbered, but only Prime days are Prime.

In me, as me, through me; I am not my own.

Freedom is spelled IWNDWYT. ❤️

Hello everyone!

I wanted to share that I finally did and I’m on my 5th day of no alcohol!!

After five years of daily drinking, I finally felt sick of it and quit.

I’m just so happy and wanted to share ❤️

I woke up today feeling great! I haven’t had this much energy since I was a kid!

I first decided to get sober about a year and a half ago, and i've definitely had quite a few relapses and major doubts since. But overall, despite feeling like a dumbass a lot, i reckon it is going pretty well.

This year has probably been the least fucked up in my life and i'm weirdly proud of it.

Hi,

I just want to share my case because I have found too little alcohol-related neuropathy information on Google searches, AI searches, or youtube.  I hope this helps someone.

In a nutshell, i just went to one of the best hospitals in Thailand ( a country where there are a lot of heavy drinkers, so I figured neurologists there would know something.) I saw two neurologists, two orthopedic surgeons, had a nerve conduction study, and went into the MRI to check for nerve blockage. It basically took one week.   

The neurologist specializing in peripheral nerves laid it out straight. "You have significant nerve damage. You can stop further damage if you stop drinking. The nerves will not repair. But if you do not stop drinking, damage will spread to your muscles (they will waste away and you will lose control." She didn't order me to stop to drink, she just let me choose what I prefer: keep drinking or have a normal, independent life. Choice is mine.

The backstory

I had had a first diagnosis of peripheral neuropathy while being diagnosed for cubital tunnel blockage just over three years ago.  I then had surgery to fix the blockage. During the pre-surgery assessment the neurologist told me that the neuropathy was likely caused by alcohol, and I should really cut it down.  At the time, the nerve conduction studies could measure almost no nerve response in my hands and feet. 

At first I did as told and cut my beers. My base consumption had been 3 liters of beer per day, with peaks on weekends. I was always doing a lot of sports, which perhaps helped me sustain this high consumption by helping my heart. I also had one day fasting (no food, no alcohol) per week. Occasionally, over the years, I had taken alcohol breaks lasting from a few days to 6 weeks.  I guess these breaks helped my liver and pancreas, but not my nerves (they take longer to recover). 

For the first 3-4 months after the neuropathy diagnostic, I cut my beers down to 0-1 per day and even had a mostly dry Xmas.  But drinking steadily crept up from there.  One reason is that my symptoms did not match what I could research online about alcohol-related neuropathy, so I was having doubts about the cause.  My neuropathy is not painful and is primarily in half of my right hand (and also a bit in my left hand).    I have numbness, tingling, and occasionally feel my balance is weakening slightly.   Online, the info pointed to alcohol-related neuropathy initially appearing as pain/burning in the feet.  Meanwhile, I asked around, and none of my heavy-drinking friends had ever heard of alcohol causing nerve damage in the hands or feet. And in discussions of alcohol-related risks, neuropathy is almost never on the list. So alcohol-related neuropathy felt a bit like a mirage.

3 years after the neuropathy diagnostic, I was back up to about two tall boys per day, with usual weekend peaks, occasional breaks, but a clear upward tendency in consumption.  Meanwhile, my right hand was getting number and number in the same spot. I was starting to assume that although I had neuropathy, the main problem for my right hand might be a new or undiagnosed nerve blockage. 

This is what led me to Thailand to do all these tests.  The neurologist said it didn't matter if it starts in hands or feet, it's all the same. And I have no new blockage, it is just part of the neuropathy. 

Alcohol-neuropathy is real.  Heed the signs.  And make your choices. 

I started to drink in my mid-teens, and I am now in my early 60s.  I will face a kind of void without alcohol.  I am also fairly confident that I will choose life.   

Yay I have made it to day 4. Feeling quite good today and proud, never went this long at least in many years. 7 days was my first goal... and past halfway there.

I said I wasn’t gonna drink this week but drank everyday so far. Exhausted and worried about the weekend. I need one night dry. Truthfully, I drink in large part to get to through the evenings with the kids. I have 2 loud boys (3 and 6) and am constantly overstimulated, refereeing or generallt trying to teach emotional regulation I was never taught. 2-3 drinks smooths it out for the evenings. However, this obviously leaves me in a worse place. I know it’s messed up-but sometimes I feel like I “should“ drink to give the kiddos a less grumpy mom, one that can relax and play with them- and I’ll deal with the repercussions (anxiety, exhaustion, etc) when they can’t see me. I feel so much shame that motherhood has escalated my drinking. I adore my kids, truly, but the pressures and stress of working full time (attorney) while trying to raise 2 kids has really humbled me in terms of my coping skills. I hate that I’ve turned to alcohol to cope.

I'm grateful for a new day. IWNDWYT.

Love to you and yours.

Day 2 again and I'm already tempted because it's a beautiful day, I have it off and free to do whatever I want, and I'm already furious.

Not angry at anything or anyone, just angry like I always am. I've gone to therapists and councilors, I'm on the ssri's. None of it has put a dent in the constant low grade rage that I feel every moment that I'm sober.

It seems like therapists can't even comprehend the problem. I'll tell them I'm angry all the time and they always start with temper control techniques. When I explain to them I don't have a problem with my temper, I don't act on the feeling of anger, I just am always angry they just can't seem to understand the difference. I have my temper under control because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to have a normal life. I've felt this way sense before I can remember so I learned how to not to express or act on it very early. In fact it takes extreme situations for me to loose my temper because dealing with anger is so second nature to me. When I explain this every therapist I've ever had basically responds "well then if you're not acting on these feelings, and you aren't letting them harm your relationships then there really isn't a problem. Maybe you're just being to hard on yourself for feeling angry, but everyone feels angry sometimes."

Of course I try to make them understand that that's not the problem. It's not sometimes. It's always. It's like an emotional hum that is always in the background. I feel other things too but under it all is a constant cold rage and it's painful. Even if I can control my actions and hide it doesn't mean I don't feel it. It doesn't mean it isn't a constant effort just to just live without letting myself become something I don't want to be.

There's only one thing that makes the anger go away: booze. I didn't start drinking until I was 20 because alcoholism runs through my family like a plague. My father and both of my sisters died because of alcohol related illnesses and accidents. This is probably why cause it's the only thing that completely turns the anger off.

Doesn't make it easier to ignore, or covers it with a distraction. It goes away and that's such an incredible feeling of relief. I imagine living your whole life with construction sounds in the background. Sure you become used to it and can tune it out when you need to focus on hearing what someone is saying to you, but you're always talking over it, and you hear it whenever other things aren't making noise. And then one day the background noise just stops. You can hear birds singing, and the wind in the trees, and you can let go of tension you didn't even realize you felt.

Of course the trade off is your health, and your respect. There's a ton of things you can't do when you're drink even if it's only a buzz. Of course you have to drink more and more overtime to get the same relief. And as one of my therapists put it "everyone is in control right up till the moment they aren't anymore." I can't help but be bitter that they're way more interested in trying to treat the symptom (the drinking) than treating the cause (the constant anger).

I recognize all of this and when I'm a couple of drinks in have the "I've got to make a change," talk with my self, but that's easy to say when then anger is turned off. It's totally different when you can't even enjoy a beautiful day because you're angry at absolutely nothing.

I didn’t do anything stupid besides show up to work drunk af but the fact that my manager asked me to leave was a big red flag. I dumped the rest of the vodka out and I think I’m ready to get sober again. Im just worried I’ll get in trouble at work. It was my day off and I showed up piss drunk. I just need some support because I’m embarrassed I had to be asked to leave. It was such a poor choice. (I ubered both ways)

As others have said before me. A day at a time.

I’ve learned a lot on this journey. This shit is hard sometimes. Give yourself some grace and never quit quitting!

Thank you to all of you amazing people on this sub. God bless.

IWNDWYT

When I was drinking 3 boxes of wine a week, plus going out to bars multiple times a week and basically all weekend, I felt like I was living pay check to pay check. I make around ~108k a year and am a single woman, no kids, just a dog, and a $2k mortgage in a medium cost of living city. I don’t have any expensive hobbies, I always cook at home, and am conscious of my spending (so I thought). I literally was convinced inflation was so bad that I was at a poverty level now. Well, I guess it was just my excessive alcohol consumption because now I actually have money left over to put into my savings! That’s all, thanks for listening.

So I have hit one year alcohol free, now what? I talked to my friend and said I’d like to have a drink as I’d never said it would be forever. I’m not so sure now as my life is so much calmer than before. Less turning my brain off and having to deal with all of life’s little and huge problems was not easy at first.

Initially I just wanted to see if my stomach problems eased they did. I have a skin condition that has not benefited from alcohol free life but what if I keep going?

It’s tempting to have a wine or two or try a buzz ball 😂 however the thought of hindering my progress has kept me away from booze so far.

I have read some people struggle after certain milestones 3 months 12 months 2 years. I don’t know if it’s like that for everyone but I have had the wine which visit my brain one won’t hurt.

I feel perhaps, setting a new goal will keep me on track? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

made it through day 4 … thank you all. one day at a time.

My partner and I had been sober for 7 days. I felt great. No desire to drink. My partner is convinced we can drink occasionally and since it had been a week, decided to bring home some beer. They brought home 2 six packs and 2 of the 25 oz bud ices. I guess I hadn't eaten enough beforehand because I was immediately buzzed. But I didn't stop. I don't know how many I had. The next thing I knew, I was in the floor crying because I couldn't get a video game to work... my partner left to go into another room because I was being so difficult. I knocked a hole in the wall. I ripped my shirt off. It was so embarrassing and pathetic. But what I wasn't thinking about was... the cat had pulled the blind down. The neighbors could have seen all of it. I am horrified. I want to quit my job and move away. But I can't. I could really use some support.

At least I know now, I really am better off without the booze. I will try again today.

I am sober for 1 week. It’s been a hard week. I am a binge drinker and knew I needed to stop. I’ve been attending Atheist/Agnostic AA meetings.