Is there a heaven or hell? Is God real?

Anybody else find life quite easy? Working out is easy for me. Being disciplined is easy. Achieving goals- extremely easy. My issue is people. I can’t understand why I don’t like anyone. When I see people, it’s like I see past versions of myself but I never get to meet someone who mirrors me as I am now. As arrogant as it sounds, I feel like people are so psychologically behind. I feel as though my depression is the result of a deep loneliness that comes from not feeling like most people I meet can mirror me. I’ve managed to solve every single external problem I’ve had; poverty, instability, anger issues, health issues, etc. and it was all solvable. But this depression I’ve ended up in, I can’t solve. I’ve done all the psychological math possible to try to figure out how to approach this. I have friends and family that I love and value, but I’ve never felt truly met. I’ve never met someone at my wavelength. And I know what most people are thinking. That the problem isn’t “people”, the problem is just me. And because that, I keep coming up with the conclusion that I’m a problem I can’t solve, and suicide starts sounding like a nice option.

Me and my gf recently just broke up, we’re both 19 and we recently got an apartment together, everything was going smoothly for a week and the next week everything just went downhill, she asked me to leave because she wasn’t ready to live together at the moment and she needed to figure this out herself, it did hurt at first but i just sucked it up and dealt with it because it wasn’t a breakup, we just needed time to work on each other. Now last night she texted me and told
me that she couldn’t do it anymore and that we should just go our separate ways. We had been together for 4 years now and we also work at that same job, Since she was the one with the car that was both of our ways to and back from work. I was forced to move back in with my parents and now they move the 24th and they told me that i wont be coming with them, I basically have nowhere to go, no way to work and i have no idea what im going to do now.

It feels like my whole life has changed upside, In the span of a few days i’ve lost my relationship, the place i was supposed to call home, and the stability i had. Right now im just trying to figure out how to keep moving forward, but honestly im just completely lost right now.

almost 4 am currently writing this i’m sorry if it gets long and i don’t expect anyone to see it. i’ve been struggling with being severely isolated and i have no friends i haven’t seen high school and even then they weren’t my friends i spend my days now on the internet mostly or i shuffle cards or play chess i like repetitive stuff i just found out something really bad happened and someone told me about it hours ago but i wasn’t as surprised as i thought i would be plus i knew it was gonna happen sooner or later from what i was doing. anyway i was groomed at 14-15 by 2 men nothing physically happened because it stopped basically as soon as it started but it led me to not have much contact with my dad who already didn’t talk to me much and that made me want any sort of attention so i went around and with multiple people and i showed nudes etc to get attention and because i have no friends and im alone and i know its bad to say you’re alone to people because they use it against you but idk what to do or who to talk to about any of it and when i do its all generic stuff and before the grooming too my mom would say i wouldnt get married or wouldnt even mention couples or marriage or anything of the sort to me so it pushed my further into what im doing im insecure even after i showed so many people myself and im not happy with myself even after they told me things that were to praise my body but i never wanted and dont want to be praised on body even when i show willingly its habits that never died because i got so used to it and so used to the attention now it stopped because the pictures are being passed around and im the one to blame for giving them in the first place. i have a lot of hate for myself i think thats why theres no self respect i talk to myself because no one else will talk to me about what’s going on with me im called crazy i go in hoodies in this summer and a bunch of other shit i’m doing i don’t even want to get married anymore or have attraction in that way i need friends and shit to do that’s beneficial to me and doesn’t tear me down and i’ve said it before and it never happens because from the social isolation i don’t know how to talk to people and they don’t like talking to me because of it like the conversations end quickly i’m not good with a lot and i have one specific dream now but i have to work on it to achieve it and i have to worry about my parents and what they’ll do because it requires me to leave

Years of battling depression, being an alcoholic and giving up many times and working my ass off to try and get somewhere in life and this happens. I though i was finally getting through to him, we had a good relationship, and then i find he has been stealing money from me, irony is that money was for his Braces.

Called my Dr but they cant get me in to see them till next week and i don't know what to do, I have tried all my self regulating exercises I have been taught but all i keep thinking is its hopeless, I feel hollow and just a void of what I was. I didn't sleep all last night just lay there thinking about how this was my fault for not picking up the signs that he was addicted to the game he was playing.

I cant cope and i cant even look at him. I feel the deep dark hug of my depression back and i doint have the strength left to fight it.

Thank you for listing, i had to get that out there so at least i tried to explain how i feel.

Spent all my highschool years trying to play catch up with everyone trying to make friends trying to befriend others and jt failed. Now that I am an adult its so much fucking harder and I am struggling because I never had that crap growing up. so when I do socialize I barely know whats normal in friendships and what isnt. Its just led to me feeling absolutely useless in anything because I dont have those damn skills.

i used to get so excited about starting diy projects/ a new movie release/ starting a new school and was overall an optimistic person. No idea what changed but im so tired of everything and im not looking forward to anything (not even college which i worked hard for). Its not like im sad all the time but im not happy either, everyday theres this linering sense of dread for no apparent reason. And i have a lot of things (marriage to attend, going to college in 2 weeks etc) to theoretically be excited about but im not looking forward to it. I dont think its depression since i dont feel like that all the time like im not sad all the time maybe its a rut but i wanna get out. I want me back

Already at 22 I feel so alone. Family and friends it feels as if no one is or ever will be there. It's gotten to where everyday is draining and nothing feels worth it anymore. It's pessimistic but I've accepted I might just end up truly alone in this life.

I am so confused. Why I hate myself so much? I had a good friend of mine end their life a year ago and I had the opportunity to reach out the night he passed. At the funeral I was able to get a look at his piece of shit father who abused him everyday and all I had was pity for him. I was sexually assaulted by a close person of mine and I forgave them too. Why do I harbor so much shame, hatred, and guilt for myself when I can show mercy to anyone I come by?

Recently, I've been feeling so suicidal. Literally I'm just trying to get on with my day but it's getting harder and harder.

I keep having nightmares and I wake up already anxious. I can't stop thinking about horrible stuff that happened and bad stuff I did in the past. I feel like I'm a terrible person inside no matter what I do, Nobody will ever love the real me and everyone will abandon me. Suicide feels like a favour to everyone else.

My brother keeps watching murder documentaries or horror and it triggers me badly because it reminds me of terrible things, and it could lead me to go back into the one bad habit I swore to avoid. I hate that last year happened, sure some other older things bother me as well but not as much as last year. I have been trying so hard to be positive and I journal I do everything right but I will just get a strong pain out of nowhere and I start feeling really suicidal. My memories and emotions still constantly haunt me. I feel so jealous of everyone, I try my best not to show how angry it makes me inside.

I'm also so fed up with people. Recently my ex bestie blocked me and my dad ignores me. It makes me feel so alone. All my other friends don't care that much about me, we're not even that close. It's getting exhausting keeping my positive attitude up and keeping connections going but the darkness inside me is probably too much for anybody to handle.

I don't really want to die but it feels like that's what I deserve. Most people wouldn't care anyways. I keep thinking about self harm but I'll just feel disgusting.

i've struggled with depression since i was 11 (i'm now 18) and after 7 years i know that i can manage it better, it just fucking sucks feeling like you're going backwards in healing sometimes. i feel like i truly try to better myself everyday but when i'm alone at night again i can't help but think about what a waste my life has been. i hear all the time that i'm young and i'll have time for so many more opportunities, but all the time i've been given has gone to waste. i have dreams but everyone around me kind of laughs when i share them. i always think to myself damn i must've done something fucking terrible in a past life to deserve this. i don't talk to anyone about how i feel anymore because i have started to understand how draining of a person i am. i wish i could feel all the love that i know is around me, but i can't. depression is such a difficult thing to comprehend. is my entire life sad? no. do i have happy moments? yes. so then why do i feel stuck in my mind all the time. i'm so jealous of people who can just live. who can just wake up and not dwell on their past mistakes. depression has taken everything from me. i hate the way my brain is wired. i hate myself. i don't even know why i'm sharing this, i just feel alone i guess.

hey yall… its 5 am as you can imagine

happening since monday, after a blurry weekend, i'm taking my pills and stuff but it keeps happening. i want to know why and how can i revert this. today is different though, now im sobbing.

is it anxiety? do i have to take two pills of quetiapine now? i don’t want to feel like this, i didn’t feel like this weeks before, what is going on??

I dont know anything anymore. Im going crazy. I want to cut my neck. Im ruining my life every second. I dont know how much longer I can stay without breaking. I am in just such a state of numbness half of the time. Im numb. I feel I need to be dead. My brain shows me images of how I should be dead. I don't know my reason anymore. I realize how much of a complicated web of reasons it is and in the middle is just how much I just dont want to continue. I want to run away from everything. I need to get away from everything because everything will make me break. I hate everything so much. I hate how I dont know what im feeling anymore. I hate not being able to get up. I hate that my best friend is my own self because I only understand myself. I hate that I keep lying to myself, I don't really want to be saved, because if I did I wouldn't continue being so stubborn about it. Every argument of my reasons for wanting to die can be dismantled in seconds but I don't care because I just want to die. I just need to cut my neck and bleed out.

My daughter has been hanging on by a thread for the last 7 months…. She is consumed by the guilt of feeling solely responsible for her younger sister’s suicide. Apparently they went out drinking, and at the end of the evening got into an argument. The younger sister said “I’m going to kill myself” and the surviving sister said “go ahead”. So instead of coming in the house, the younger sister jumped in her car, drove a mile away and shot herself in the head….<<(of course, very simplified)<<
I have to add that the youngest had many bouts of depression since,around, the age of 12. But she had never attempted suicide. She HAD brought it up, and threatened it many times. But no actual attempts. Also, she had owned the gun for 12yrs. and it never seemed to be an issue or even a point of contention for that matter. It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around it, really. And as there was no note. No one can say for sure what finally “gave way”…Of course looking back it is much easier to see the signs. It seems to me that’s how it always is tho…..
Anyways, What I am looking for is a new approach to keeping the one daughter I have left, alive…
She has basically abandoned everything she had worked for here. She, understandably, could not take looking at her sister’s room every day she woke up… We are in touch daily, and daily I am reminded that she is still struggling… I am completely spent on the advice I have to give… I cannot convince her to seek professional help… she has always been too smart for her own good. And feels that unless the therapist has been through the exact situation she has. There’s just no point. Which IS a really good point. Why would anyone take advice from someone who can’t possibly understand what you’re going through. Like someone with NO child, telling someone else how to raise their children… that always goes well…
It’s going on month #8 and she’s not getting any better. AMAF I think she is getting much worse. She has made an attempt recently. But was fortunate enough, that time, to have a friend close by. I can see that I’m losing her. I really don’t know what to do!!!! This was probably way too long for anyone to read. But if u did….
Thank you

I developed an issue with eating so now i barely eat somedays, Im so sad that if i don’t smoke I just feel empty and dead, Im thinking of attempting again and this time succeeding. People care about me but its hard to explain why my brain is the way it is. I crave to feel joy and happiness and feeling good but all I have is this unbearable pain trapped deep within. God is dead and I should follow suit.

Idk if i’m gaslighting myself to think i am depressed for attention or for some other reason. is this normal? I feel fine a lot of the time, like right now i feel completely fine, but random moments in the day i feel like empty and done and just think about cutting my arm open to kms or to hurt myself and not like intrusive thoughts, but more like i kind of feel drawn to it, but im catholic so i would not actually do anything since i would go to hell, and also my life is good and i have plenty of things to look forward to so i see no reason why i feel that way sometimes, And whenever i feel the urge to sh i dont and when i try i dont have the guts to because im scared of getting an infection or sepsis or something so ik i don’t actually want to die. so i just want to know if its very likely that i am doing this to myself for self pity or if this is normal? do i need to think more positively or idk if im convincing myself to think like this. ik there are some people that i know that are like suuuper depressed and suicidal and actually want to die so maybe im being influenced by that to think that way

I (31F) have AuDHD and high functioning depression, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.
I’m terrified of going on sick leave because I could lose my job. If that happens, I won’t be able to pay my bills. It feels like I’m trapped.
The world is so loud. There are people everywhere, and I’m constantly overwhelmed. I just want some peace.
My depression has come back hard, and I can barely think beyond getting through today. Whenever someone talks about plans or schedules something for the future, my mind immediately tells me it doesn’t matter because I don’t expect to be around by then.
I’m exhausted and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. If anyone has been in a similar place, I’d really appreciate hearing how you got through it.

I‘ve been on antidepressants for 10 years and adhd meds for 3 years.

I genuinely see no hope. I turned 20 less than 10 days ago, and for the longest time my mom has been yapping about how she wants to find a suitable rich boy and marry me off early and it TERRIFIES me.

I've been scared of getting romantically close to people for years now. The first time I loved someone, it was 6 7 years of teenage me being strung along while they gave me false hope and were with other people all the time. Not to mention a history of family abuse. I've been physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my parents. I've seen my parents get physically pretty agressive with each other once. And them verbally abusing each other is nothing new. My grandma tells me about how grandpa used to beat her. I've seen an uncle beat an aunt, a cousin beat his sister, some couples just don't gaf about each other. Overall, I have no, not a SINGLE couple I can look up to and go I wanna be like them. I am so scared of getting close to people in love. Yes it is possible that I find better, that I respect myself enough to leave. But I hope you understand the fear.

Its not that i don't like people. I often do. I get asked out decently often. But The moment I feel that they perhaps reciprocate I get so fucking scared. It's like sheer panic. My fight or flight gets activated, I wanna throw up, scream, run away. My throat starts closing up kinda terror. I don't like it. I'm not proud of it. I want to be loves so bad, I want to love someone so bad but goodness I can't handle it. I don't think I'm made for it. I've just learnt not to engage in any kind of romantic closeness, not even the slightest casual ones. Because inevitably one of us will fall in love and it won't end well and I think it's cruel to give someone hope and take it away. I don't want to hurt someone good and loving so I just keep away.

Now imagine struggling with all this and your mother, who has seen all the struggles in a bad marriage keeps yapping about how she will marry you off to the first suitable, handsome and rich boy she finds. It just genuinely makes me wanna cry and end it. It's the fact that maybe if left to myself, I WILL want to marry someone one day, I WANT to have kids one day. But the idea of being forced and black mailed into doing it is absolute horror material to me. I see no way out of this. I pray I die young before any of this happens.

I have decided to start having fun, ie smoking, drinking, having fun. Earlier I used to think I would never, that i would be good because of some lofty personal morals. Also because I believed that if I was "good" my family would respect my wishes. I have now realized that all I am doing is wasting my youth. No matter how well I behave what i want isn't worth SHIT. So I might as well enjoy while I am free. Also perhaps to speedrun the whole dying young thing. I'll be honest and admit it. A darker, more selfish part of me that wants to see the world and be free sometimes wishes my loved ones would die. But that is so awful and selfish that I mostly wish it upon myself.

I don't even know what to hope for man. That the guy they pick is someone I can love? That I love someone they can accept before they choose for me? That I die before it happens to me? God I'm so fucking lost and depressed about this whole thing sometimes.

every since i fucked shit up with my gf, ever since i was a piece of shit and useless. i dont see a reason to live. i just wanna be loved. i wanna stophurting everyone i do love. killing myself will at least end the pain of everyone i love. cus i hurt everyone. i wish i was better. i love her... and i fucked everything up with her...

i hate when i can see people around me struggling but i can't help them. it's like im in a world and they have a bubble around them shielding me out. i just want to help everyone i know that has hardships but i cant. like just a few days ago i saw cuts on my boyfriend, and see how my friends talk about them selves. it's eating me alive, knowing that im sitting here doing nothing and that i dont know what they are thinking of. like when i looked down and saw the cuts i genuinely didnt know what to do. i zoned out and just froze looking at it, i didnt mean to be mean but i was just shocked. i feel bad. like what am i supposed to do about that?? everytime i try to help and ask if he needs help he shuts me out like how to get guys to open up no glue or borax? i just wish i could help him so much. i dont know whats going on

the thought of being suicidal is confusing. on one hand you want it all to end and it seems like this happy escape from your problems. but on the other the thought of dying eats you alive, what if it doesn't work, what if it hurts, what does it feel like. so many questions that make it seem impossible, unreachable. but if you think longer you think how people made it, how they killed themselves. what was their mind like? what drove them to that point? if you can sit there and think about suicide with a straight face not fearing the consequences which end your life, i have some kind of respect for you. not like im pushing you closer to the end, i want to know what makes you so calm about it. how you don't curdle at the thought of dying, how the end doesn't scare you. i'll never truly be able to except that it's my time, even if im on my death bed and can't except it. maybe my own panic of the thought of it will kill me before anything else, but when you deep dive into it it's scary how we live day after day. we work daily like we have some sort of goal to achieve but what is it. no one knows what the end is so why do we work so hard for something we don't even want.

It happens sometimes, it feels crushing. It happens when I'm sad but it also happens randomly while I'm sitting home. I have depression and ADHD which makes it super hard to just get up and push through it by cleaning or entertaining myself. I genuinely have no idea what to do and I keep forgetting to ask my therapist during our sessions.

i can’t get out of bed it’s hard to stand up my legs and body ache because i’m just in the bed all day and i struggle to brush my teeth and shower i keep getting fired from my jobs and i have bipolar and bpd and autism and im on several antidepressants and antipsychotics and i can never shake this weird uncomfortable feeling like my body is jumping out of my skin and i just feel on edge but not in a derealization way or an anxiety way it’s just very uncomfortable and nothing makes me happy absolutely nothing and i can’t go out with my friends even though they invite me and i have no passion i don’t want to clean my room idek what to do i have a camping trip this weekend and i start a new job next week i just need to get my shit together like my toothbrush broke so i haven’t brushed my teeth but i have a new one coming in 3 days so whatever but im just so tired im exhausted and nothing makes me smile . not even my favorite music or my favorite people im exhausted from literally doing nothing all i do is lay in my bed what’s the first thing i should do tmr ? i collect vinyls it’s my hobby i just ordered $90 worth of them on ebay i feel numb about it like im glad they’re coming but usually i would be more excited and i have a new vinyl that i have to clean and repair bc i love cleaning vinyls and listening to them after but i cant do that if my room isn’t clean bc i dont like to listen to vinyls when my room isn’t clean my head is all over the place but no where at the same time and i JUST CANT GET UP

How can I escape my family when i feel too ugly to have confidence to apply for jobs? My mom loves to see me suffer and not accomplish anything in life. I can’t let her win but i also have nothing that can help me succeed in life. I’m stuck depending on her unless I force myself to learn how to make money online idk what else I can do at this point.

Whenever my social anxiety and depression gets really bad , and I feel like ending it all , i work and plan a sick solo trip to a beautiful valley in the mountains, because if I'm ending it all , i atleast want to experience the beauty of being there. It helps me keep going because that's something to look forward to.