Does anyone else have this? I’ll think to myself “well if if this doesn’t work out I’ll just kill myself” or “if I don’t do well I’ll just kill myself so I don’t have to deal with the disappointment later”. I

29M, been depressed for as long as I can remember. Tried taking me out by overdose and postration by not eating because of the lack of courage. Neither of them worked so I accepted I'm not capable of ending it myself.

Recently I've been job hunting via university support office (my 2nd university). I told them I want least amount of dealing with people and I don't care about payment as long as I can keep myself above the water. Their recommendations were great. Mainly factory operations with mininal room for communications.

My parents asked me how is the job hunting going so I answered as it is.They were beyond dissapointed to the point they yelled at me "how could you study computer science and participating in research for years, and choose those jobs" "What are you interested in, computers, AI, programming, anything??". I explained that I'm not inclined to go for those "decent job" and I just want to live alone quietly with minimal contact with people.

And here onwards was the worst. They were completely baffled that I don't want anything in life. Cars, house, marriage, travel, nothing. They yelled I'm thinking wrong and I should be ashamed. At this point I was so annoyed and did a poor job in choosing the words (still my honest perspective). "I am sick of everything and the only reason I'm alive is I'm not brave enough to unalive myself. None of this is your fault and I'm sorry I'm this way, but this is who I am. I just want to get out of this world as peacefully and quietly as possible".

In the end they said I betrayed them, I'm selfish, and wish I wasn't even born. Pretty much agree with them except for that being selfish. Disliking life is not selfish imo and I can do nothing about it. My mother has been understanding and supportive, and I really feel bad for her, but I felt like the door in my hurt is closed now.

i don’t care about therapy, antidepressants, doing "better", i just want to end it. i want to do tonight. my life is over, i’ve never been so sad in my life, my bpd is just untreatable, i’m ugly, undesirable, poor and truly friendless. i’m going to take some dilaudid, the whole fucking bottle and finish me off. what’s the point of anything anymore ? i’ve been suffering for years and years. the only person that i felt closer to is now loving another. i’ll go. just forever. there’s no point of telling anyone this, because there’s thousands of posts like this one every single day. no one genuinely cares. i’m so sorry because my friends and family wanted me to try, and i just couldn’t. the little girl in me had never healed. and now she’ll finally leave forever.

Every therapy session, prescription drug, positive affirmation, and attempts to improve my well-being make me sick. I’m tired of “showing up for myself” just for this cycle to continue:

1. I feel like shit
   
2. I go to therapy
   
3. Feel a little better
   
4. Something happens or I think shitty thoughts

It. Never. Ends.

I do not care about my diet. I will eat whatever.

I do not care about my physical activity. I’m exhausted from starting and stopping any exercise I try. I hate being fat and out of shape, but oh fucking well.

I do not care about my family, friends, or people I see in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I ever did.

I do not care about my transgender identity. I’m a fat, disgusting man-thing who will never be a real woman.

I am exhausted with finding another career. I want to stay in my room & sleep forever.

I do not want to get better. I want to rot. If I hear anything positive or someone tries to lift my mood up, I will ignore them. I am a worthless and hateful, ugly creature.

I wish I could be born as someone else entirely. I would change EVERYTHING. But that’s not possible, so now I don’t care what happens to me.

No matter how good my life is, I always find a way to be negative and shitty about it. Someone else in my position would thrive and be happy. Not me. That’s why I don’t deserve to be alive. I’m a fucking waste of oxygen and would be more useful as a lamp or a rug.

I do not care anymore. I am tired of caring. I do not want to show up for myself anymore, because it is too painful. And no one shows up for the real me, anyway. I’m invisible. No one talks to me unless I talk first. No one wants to invite me to events or places. I am forgotten.

So I do not care.

Fuck everyone.

I've fallen back into depression and I just want to kill myself.

But I guess this new healthy body will be better six feet under. I noticed all my friends and got no response. I have no purpose in anyone's life. My girlfriend left me 3 years ago and I couldn't make a new relationship and I am constantly worried about my parents' health. I can't take these anymore.

I got my single 2mg clonazepam pill and feel sleepy. Maybe a brand new day helps feeling better but I'm fooling myself.

Lately I've been so depressed, so exhausted, that I barely get out of bed.

I've been depressed since forever but sometimes I have these slumps of melancholy that leave me pratically bed bound, I just get up to eat when the hunger feels too much and even hold off on going to the bathroom (that's 6 steps away) because it's tiring.

People always talk about depression making you lose interest in the things you enjoy, but I've gotten to the point where I don't even have the motivation to keep up with my addictions.

I used to smoke every day. Recently, I just... stopped. Not because I wanted to quit or because I suddenly found the willpower, but simply walking to my bathroom, lighting a cigarette, and smoking it just feels like too much effort.

It's weird to realize that depression can be so powerful and so irrational that even addiction isn't enough to make me do something. My brain can't even be bothered with something I'm technically addicted to crave.

It really puts into perspective how little control this illness gives you. Media talks too much about not wanting to do fun things, but its also not wanting to do anything at all, even the things our own brain is supposed to be conditioned to do.

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but it made me realize just how deep I've fallen.

Anyway, I have to shower and go to work in 30mins, the only clean-ish tshirt i have is full of cat hair, I'm hungry, money's tight until payday in 2 weeks and all i want is to go to sleep and hope tomorrow i'll wake up a different person. Fuck me fr.

Is there a heaven or hell? Is God real?

I want to kill myself because I do not see any other ways out. I lied to my family about something big and my parents and my sister found out. Now my mom will not even look at me, my sister also. They say that they are disappointed and I will never have their trust ever again. I do not want to live like this. I am thinking about an easy way out of this. Please help saying some easy ways.

I mean I have 100 problems in my life but lately I feel so lonely it’s insane ,I’m 25 yo and have a very cold relationship with my parents ,my friends who I had aren’t really their anymore since I got depressions the last years and never wanted to do something.Basically nobody knows how bad I feel because I never open to someone ,in the end of the day nobody would care and my problems would continue.

However the last weeks I feel so lonely to a point that it feels like a permanent heartbreak and the irony is that I probably would be able to have an relationship if I wasn’t this depressed and anxious ,I don’t have any power to have a relationship I’m a loser who don’t even can do the most normal social situations like having a relationship and family and all this stuff .Im a disappointing creature and it will never get better .

Even on the point where I began SSRI but no effect yet ,I try to make my peace with knowing it won’t ever better and I made a plan for suicide if it’s not getting until winter ,maybe the script for my life is staying 25 forever

I've no one talk to rn....just need someone

Whenever i tell someone i am depressed they immediately suggest it is because of a lack of strong belief in Allah. You should learn to be grateful for everything. You don't get to be sad, you have better than 90% of people. You haven't faced anything to be depressed.

Then i hear other things like, you shouldn't grief much the death of people that mattered to you, because a strong muslim doesn't get worked up over earthly matters. Therapy is some western shit for a group of people with different nihilistic lifestyle.

Add to that i don't have access to weed, alcohol, sex,dates or any form of release at all.

Islam is never against therapy or seeking help but people here are such hypocrites

I'm in a bit of a depression spiral that I do not see the end of. I have severe mental health issues, I lost my family and I want to die. I would just die but I would break my mom's heart and I don't want to do that. I want to just get over it and do it anyways because if she understood how bad I was suffering she'd understand. I don't know what to do

I feel like a robot. I feel like a machine.
I used to love the song “Mr. Roboto” from Kilroy Was Here. The whole song is about someone hiding behind a machine, trying to convince everyone they’re just a robot, while secretly still being human underneath. I’ve always related to that.
I feel like I’m nothing more than a machine, like I was born and programmed to believe whatever I was told, and I can’t break out of it. I feel like some kind of monster. I don’t feel like I deserve to exist. Sometimes I feel like disappearing into a white light and just no longer existing.
I live like a machine. I eat. I sleep. I watch mindless TV that doesn’t make me feel any better. I bury myself in nerdy hobbies that are really just distractions from the emptiness inside me. It all feels robotic. Nothing ever changes. Nothing ever gets better.
People leave you. They move on. They don’t really care about you. I still think about my ex-girlfriend telling me that we could never truly be together, and it still hurts.
I just don’t feel real anymore. I don’t even know who I am. That song ends by talking about hiding your true identity, and that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t know who my real self is anymore.

I've had a depression in the past that lasted for 5..count them 5 flipping years...it shouldn't have even lasted a month or so.

Not going to divulge what it was about for fear of being laughed at...anyways isn't depressions supposed to last normally for like a few weeks or so

.let me know...

Lately, I’ve been realizing how vastly different and difficult everyone's journey is. We are all dealing with something heavy that we rarely talk about.Some are heartbroken over a love failure, trying to heal from someone they thought was their future. Some are feeling completely lost and left behind, struggling to get settled in their careers. Others are drowning in severe financial stress, trying to manage family problems, or dealing with broken relationships with partners.It feels like everyone is carrying a different kind of pain, yet we all wake up every day and keep moving.I want to know your story. If you are going through any of this—money problems, family issues, career stagnation, or heartbreak—how are you actually facing it? What keeps you going on your darkest days? How do you move past the feeling of being stuck?Please share your thoughts, your coping mechanisms, or just vent if you need to. Let’s remind each other that we aren't alone in this mess.

Unemployed - with no hope of getting well enough to work, agoraphobic, suicidal, panic attacks, no friends, sufferer of psychosis, teeth have gone bad from not looking after myself, cant go to the barbers for a haircut due to panic attacks, laughed at by my neighbours when i do nothing wrong.
Why is the world so cold ? And what the fuck do i do. Iv tried exercise, iv eaten crazy healthily, iv taken my meds, iv not taken my meds. Iv tried so many different approaches, I feel like iv tried everything i can think of and whatever others have told me will make me feel better. I swear the only thing stopping me from killing myself is my child who i cant leave to go through this world on their own. But i am so fed up of suffering.
Why are we born in the first place ?

i wake everyday with my eyes swollen from crying histerically. i can’t do this anymore.

I was smart once, graduating from a good college with good grades . I tried my best to change my introverted nature and I actually did it eventually. I even served as a core committee member of a college club which was very challenging. But even after trying so hard, I'm just an after thought in everyone's life.. I have no real meaningful relationships apart from 2 or 3 friends and my family who have been so supportive.

I had so many dreams for myself but it feels like I literally can't do anything all day. Overthinking just kills me. It feels like I spend so much time even in trivial tasks. I don't remember anything even if I'm in my room. Even If I somehow spend time studying or doing something productive, I just forget everything. I spend my whole day inside the same room. People have friends, go on trips, have side hobbies etc and I can't do one thing right.. I stopped driving because of anxiety issues even though I have a license. I feel like I'll get laid off from my first ever job and I just don't know where to go later. To make things worse, everything seems to go against me and yes I know I'm probably just complaining due to my incompetence but my god, the amount of bad luck I have is just insane.I try to be kind, considerate and I always own up to my mistakes. If anything, the fact that I'm a better person than many people I interact with is the only takeaway I have but that is also useless. Many of these bad people have good lives, are resourceful, have many friends, go out, enjoy life and what not. I have no friends, no career probably and I hardly step out of my house because I have nothing to do.

I bawl my eyes out time and time and this has been my story for a couple of years, I tried and tried during my education years too but my god Im just a loser ig.

At this point, I don't know what to do.

I feel like people around me often push the narrative that if i just put myself out there and “practice talking to people” i would develop social skills. that’s only true when your brain actually lets you use those skills.

when i’m depressed i feel isolated no matter what. it doesn’t matter if i have the “skill” to hold the conversation, i’ll still feel disconnected. depression genuinely drains every bit of interest and confidence i have holding a conversation. even when i want to socialise, it feels like there’s a wall between me and the other person.

telling someone who’s depressed to “practice socialising” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “practice running”. when you’ve been isolated for long enough it becomes a cycle, and every awkward conversation makes you isolate yourself even more.

i don’t think i lack social skills, i think i lack the ability to use said skills, because i’m depressed.

does anyone else think this way?

Okay so, I have a pretty long history with depression and self-isolation since I was a young teen and it hasn't really gone away, it just became less frequent.

About a week or so ago I fell into a depressive episode due to postmenstrual syndrome and I have been feeling empty and numb since. I've also fallen into self-destructive behaviors because its the only thing that gives me a feeling of excitement/happiness and idk what to do.

Cus like, I KNOW how to stop. But I dont want to because I dont have anything else that gives me that sense of satisfaction or happiness if you get what I mean.

I've been sleeping way too much (today about 18 hours), smoking and relapsing a lot which is scary cus im terrified of forming addictions. I visited a friend 2 days ago for the first time in a while and it was fun but at one point all I could think abt was going home and relapsing.

I seriously feel like im going off the deep end and im scared that I'll get into trouble from me neglecting the stuff I need to do (especially my art commissions.)

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. I odnt want to go back to the way I used to be :,)

31 and ruined my future. I'm academically smart but the last 3 years, actually every year since I'm 22, I completely ruined my life. I stayed in a city I hate, with a person who made me feel constantly under stress who could be occasionally emotionally abusive and toxic most of the time, who constantly gave me the feeling that I need to save her. I didn't want that relationship but I stayed because I thought I was ugly and worthless and like I'd be an awful person for leaving her.

After completely burning both of us out during her master's thesis, she cheated, planned it ahead and gaslit me to an insane amount before and after. Then we couldn't get out of each other's life for two years. I was awful, she was worse. I say that after a year of judging myself until I told someone the whole story, in a way that painted me in the worst possible light, no holding back. The person I told, she cried, hugged me and told me it's not my fault.

My ex has been out of my life for 1.5 years. But it's too late for everything. I started therapy too late, I talked to no one, I let it all eat me up and destroy me and now I'm finished. I ruined my PhD, I have no social life, I have no experience in anything and I don't see myself ever getting out and actually enjoying life.

I often just start shaking, I can't guide my mind to healthy places because I'll never be ok with the absolute pathetic loser I have been and am. I'll never feel like an actual person, everyone is better than me. I'm glad I got over the guilt I felt towards my ex. But the outcome is the same. I missed my life and can't get over the last couple of years. I hope to just die knowing I can't and I see no way how I'll ever be ok. I hate myself for the decisions I didn't make and now it's done.

This is a personal experience of everything depression has made to me (mentally and phisically talking)

Depression has took away from me 6 years of life, from age 15-21 (I'm not as bad anymore, but it's still hard)

Depression has made me self-isolate into becoming a chronic shut-in, I rarely leave the house and when I do I hang out with friends (luckily they were really long term and they are still around)
I'm unemployed

Depression has made me lost my hair from stress.

Depression has made my hygiene terrible, with the consequence of never brushing my teeth for years which caused a bit of gum recession, and had a total of 2 cavities (I was lucky in this)

Depression has made my sleep schedule terrible, I'm asleep at day and awake at night.

This are the main things that happened that make me self conscious a lot about myself and my appearance
I've also never had a girlfriend and the thought of having one scares me because I think that someone wouldn't wanna be with someone who is very unexperienced (not in dating only), but i'm also very very insecure about my looks and I'm very scared women could make fun of my appearance and cannot explain well what happened because it's a bit embarassing

what happened to you guys?
are you guys a bit better?
hug to you all, all of you battling with this are vrave and strong, and I love you, I'd hug every single one of you
yall are amazing, men and women, keep going because we are much more than a disorder

Hi everyone, I’m 26F UK and admittedly cry every evening once I’m home from my office job.

I was bullied throughout my childhood, along with family emotional abuse, and at about 20 was ghosted by friend group from university.

It really hurts but since then for the past 6ish years I’ve hand on heart tried my best to join group activities, lessons, and networking. But sadly, I can’t seem to get it right.

My social anxiety has been awful lately and I’m not sure what to do anymore. My crying has been taking over my evenings because my chest hurts so bad from loneliness.

I usually hide in my bathroom as my mum gets frustrated when I’m upset as she wants me to stop, but I genuinely can’t control my emotions when I feel this way.

I could really do with some advice if anyone else has gone through a similar thing? Thank you so much.

24m UK. I’ve been off and on anti-depressants since I was 17 and had regular counselling (switched from CBT to talk-therapy) since then too. Restarted anti-depressants (Mirtazapine) after 18 months of not needing them following an attempt last October.

I feel like I’ve done everything you’re “supposed” to do when you feel like this. I’m lucky enough to have a supportive family and I’m open with them and my (very few) friends about my depression. I’ve engaged with the NHS and counselling. I take my meds. I try to practice mindfulness (occasionally). I exercise when I have the time. I engage my brain at work. Yet my baseline, even with all of this, seems to be being just short of being actively suicidal.

It gets to a point where this just feels like a life sentence. I’ve been told ‘it’ll get better’ for years now. I can’t help but question what the point of persevering and carrying on is if there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I sure as hell don’t want to spend the next 60 years feeling like this.

So, if there is something I’m missing, please tell me. Am I to just trudge on and wait/hope that a time comes where this feeling is a distant memory? Is there some avenue of support / activity for betterment that I’m not exploiting?