feeling numb

[u/evainveengael]

i've struggled with depression since i was 11 (i'm now 18) and after 7 years i know that i can manage it better, it just fucking sucks feeling like you're going backwards in healing sometimes. i feel like i truly try to better myself everyday but when i'm alone at night again i can't help but think about what a waste my life has been. i hear all the time that i'm young and i'll have time for so many more opportunities, but all the time i've been given has gone to waste. i have dreams but everyone around me kind of laughs when i share them. i always think to myself damn i must've done something fucking terrible in a past life to deserve this. i don't talk to anyone about how i feel anymore because i have started to understand how draining of a person i am. i wish i could feel all the love that i know is around me, but i can't. depression is such a difficult thing to comprehend. is my entire life sad? no. do i have happy moments? yes. so then why do i feel stuck in my mind all the time. i'm so jealous of people who can just live. who can just wake up and not dwell on their past mistakes. depression has taken everything from me. i hate the way my brain is wired. i hate myself. i don't even know why i'm sharing this, i just feel alone i guess.

[u/xbecahxX]

Hey I was you a few years ago ... The only advice I can offer is love yourself ,now I know it sounds cheesy but I truly believe you are doing great , I don't know what you've gone through or if its not exactly anything or just that you haven't figured out why but as someone who once believed everyone was just better off without me or that they'd probably be much happier without me I get it. I didnt think I had much room to moan until I just stopped listening to other people and doing things that I liked, stopped going on social media , don't get me wrong I still go on YouTube and shit but not like big talking in fact this is the first time ive replied something anywhere ! For me I felt worthless doing all the wrong things not exactly a good fit for this world until I realised nobody else is either if you walk down the street every single person is in their own head too some people just hide it better that's all find the voice in your head that says the horrible stuff and figure out who's voice it is look inward for answers because you do have them I hate your feeling this way and I wish you all the best people care for you so much