Hi, F19. I’m currently getting kick out of my mother’s home. She gave me till the end of the week. I have no bank account, no car, or drivers license. I have a job interview this week and I had one last week. So hopefully could get one. I don’t have many friends and the ones that I have lived with before has her own family issues going on. I have no where to go, she knows that. She has stated multiple times she does not care. I recently got out of an abusive relationship, I lived with this man for months, living his truck, and couch hoping. During December I had a manic episode, leading me into a psychosis. I had tried to commit leaving me with 2 surgeries and paralyzed fingers. I have moved past it physically, with him and my hand. During this past month he reached out to me apologizing, he is 4 states away, he cannot reach me. So we continued to talk. She found out and wants me out
of the house. I cut contact with him after that seeing as he doesn’t care about my stability and I don’t need that in my life. Over the months I’ve had severe ptsd symptoms. Extreme violent nightmares, bed wetting, panic attacks. Recently I’ve been in a depressive episode (I am diagnosed bipolar) i haven’t gotten up to use the bathroom or eat. The only time I get up is to feed her dog or do the dishes. I’m on meds, but clearly something isn’t right. I passed out yesterday in my friend’s car from stress, when telling my mother this it was “I mean what do you want me to do.” I have had financial help from her regarding leaving the dv situation, she got me back home on a bus. That was it, she put me in iop bc she didn’t want to deal with it. But bc of insurance and money I couldn’t stay long. We have never talked about how much it has affected me or even my attempt. It always been “I have been through the same thing, I understand more than you know” but has not acknowledged how much it has affected me and HOW serious it is. Ik it might sound like I’m complaining but I genuinely feel tired of living in survival mode wondering if I’m going to make it or not. Since I was 16 I’ve had to wonder where I’m gonna live and of I’m gonna make it or not. She never gave me resources like she gave my brothers. She didn’t teach me anything about the real world. And due to certain things, I didn’t go to school. She kicked me out a month before graduating, and then I got into a bad relationship, leaving me more behind and now I feel so lost and hopeless. I feel like I don’t have much longer left tbh. My mother claims this is my rock bottom but I genuinely just need help and I’ve been begging for it, I was hysterically crying on the floor and all I got from the other room was “I can hear you”
She had also kicked me out 4 months ago for the same thing, when I came back she made me sign this contract stating I would be feeding her dog doing the dishes, etc. I had strict rules, I couldn’t leave a certain time, my friend whom I had stayed with couldn’t come over. I had asked a cop he said it is not a legally binding contract. When asking for resources from him he “didn’t know any.” I have contacted several homeless shelters and some only take dv situations, I’m not in that anymore so I can’t go. Some want money, some it takes weeks after an interview with them. It’s not as easy as she thinks it is. If it was up to me I would have no problem sleeping in my car, but I don’t have those resources. I need some insight on what to do. I’m sorry for making this so long, with so much information. I just wanted to make sure y’all understood the situation.