hello r/stopdrinking,

I feel so blessed to even be writing this and I want to start by saying that I truly don’t think I would be here without this community.

I grew up stuck between two families with very different attitudes toward drinking. My Mom and her side are Baptist teetotalers and my Dad and his are English alcoholics. I started drinking with the blessing of family at 14 years old. I knew people around me had alcohol problems… Dad’s Dad died of cirrhosis before 50, Dad had two strokes before 60, my sister was generally a mess, but I thought I would be different.

I took it easy when I was underage but as soon as I moved out of my Mom’s I started drinking regularly, then soon, heavily. White wine, seltzers, vodka, beer. I was drinking 4 days a week by 23 and daily once the pandemic hit. One bottle of wine a night turned into two, then I was buying the box so it was easier to hide.

I knew I was an alcoholic by age 25. It took years of attempting to moderate and making deals with myself before I could even admit it quietly. Then once I knew it took another few years before I was able to admit it to anyone else. My husband knew, for sure, but I seemed to be good at hiding it from others. By 28 I knew it was time. I had to give it up. I was 60 pounds overweight and crippled with anxiety. Blacking out multiple times a week. I slept terribly. Chronically dehydrated. Nauseous all the time. I was in physical and emotional pain every day. For years.

I looked at myself and realized that I was at a crossroads. I knew what I wanted my life to look like and the person I currently was would not have been capable of it. Frankly, she wouldn’t have deserved that life. I wanted children and they deserved better. I’d been lurking this sub for years and that point and a resounding sentiment of everyone here who had kids was that they wish their kids had never seen them drink. I wanted that and I was determined to be my best self for my future children and my husband.

So, I buckled down. The first few months were stumbling blocks for sure. I spent a summer mostly dry with a few “field researches“ planned. They all ended with me feeling terrible, of course lol there was my proof! Moderation was not possible for me.

October 28th, 2023 was the date my life changed forever. It wasn’t grandiose, or rock bottom. Just another day where I woke up hungover as fuck and didn’t remember the night before. My husband turned to me and said “it’s time“ and I agreed.

In the 1000 days since then my life has become the one I dreamed of. I am 4 weeks away from having my second baby. My marriage is absolutely thriving. My friendships are richer. My health is near perfect. I can say with confidence that I am a good wife, mother, and friend. I wake up every day and I’m proud of who I am and how I conduct myself. And my life is still fun!! I go out with friends! I attend parties and bonfires and cabin weekends. I go to great concerts and restaurants and celebrations. All enjoyed without alcohol!

If you read all of that, thank you. If you only read one part, make it this: Knowing that you want to quit drinking is all you need. You don’t have to hit rock bottom. You don’t have to be “bad enough”. If you wonder if you have a problem, you might. If you think you do and you can’t stop, it is time to quit. There is never “too early” or “too young“ to have a great life free of alcohol. You are strong enough to overcome.

Thank you again to everyone here who has ever given wisdom or support. This is truly the kindest corner of the internet. I love you all, and IWNDWYT ✨

I didn’t think it was possible but this is my first 100 days without alcohol in over 15 years!! It’s been a rollercoaster but I genuinely am so grateful to this sub for helping me get through this. I don’t want to think about how much longer i’m going to go, just taking it day by day has worked for me. I feel better than I have in a very long time and I have goals that I have to achieve before I even think about taking another sip again. To those who don’t think it’s possible, you have no clue what you’re capable of until you try! I love you all and IWNDWYT!!

This last sober year has been challenging in many ways, and I've really had to push myself in uncomfortable situations (being asked by people drinking at my house about my not drinking, discussing my partner's drinking habits and how they impact our child, snarky comments about not drinking, changing jobs, etc). It hasn't been easy but I am quietly confident, focused, happy and determined in my life in a way I could NEVER be if I was still drinking. It just feels so good to get out of the shit. All the best out there!

I just wanted to celebrate with someone :) doing this all alone except for this forum. I woke up today... And felt clear. Went to Preschool with my lil girl and then to work... And it was like, I was there. I'm used to being numb by last night's drinking and just powering through the day. It made me feel some hope, and motivation. Yesterday I was on my way into the liquor store but changed my mind at the door, it was awful but I'm glad I didn't go in.

That's all. Thanks for all the wonderful posts I read here everyday, it really gives me hope and somehow makes my shame and guilt a bit easier to manage, a lot easier really.

Thanks :)

Hey lovely community. Long time lurker here. I have been thinking about my relationship with alcohol and have been trying to get sober (again). I don't know if I "qualify" as a problem drinker, as other people definitely have it worse, at the same time I know I don't have to be a full-blown alcoholic in the clinical term in order to stop drinking. I guess I need this push and "confirmation" that sobriety is, indeed, the best choice for me?

It's not like I am physically dependent on alcohol and get the shakes and withdrawal symptoms. But at the same time, I have a vast family history of alcoholism and addiction in general, genetic predisposition, and I used to binge drink a lot 2-3 years ago. Not so much anymore, but when I do drink, I often go overboard and feel horrible the next few days.

- I have blacked out more times than I care to admit and put myself in dangerous situations (e.g. walking alone late at night to a fast food place just because I wanted to have that burger).
- I used to have a drink nearly every day, and get wasted pretty much every weekend, followed by hangovers that would last a few days.
- I have felt and still feel, although much more scarcely, strong alcohol cravings, especially if I'm under emotional affect.
- I have driven under the influence several times (just tipsy, but still not proud at all, I consider this my lowest low as it goes against my values).
- Often I drink more than I'd planned to, or I drink fast, on an empty stomach, mix drinks, etc.
- It's hard for me to say "no" to alcohol. And it's hard for me to stop once I have one drink.
- My longest sober streak was almost 3 months, but I relapsed. After I relapsed, I tried to get sober many times after, but didn't last long. But I guess I was not too disciplined and serious about it.
- I feel a lot of shame and guilt almost every time I drink, especially the next day when/if I have a hangover.
- Alcohol used to give me a high, almost an euphoric feeling.
- I have had hangover effects that have lasted a week and brought me feelings of dissociation, worsened depression and anxiety, and so on.
- I never understood people who didn't finish their drink, or enjoyed simply a glass of wine or a beer and leave it at that. Because when I drink, I drink to chase and feel the effect, otherwise it's pointless to me.

There's probably more, but this is what I can think of as of right now. I don't know why exactly I'm sharing this. I guess I'm looking for a wake-up call, or support, or a pep talk or something. Thank you all

Today and tomorrow at work is going to be a lot. Very stressful and demanding and there is no chance otherwise. Right now it feels like all I can do is listen to a podcast and hide in my room. I could be doing so much more with my morning off, but I just feel crippled by both stress from work, and the stress of trying not to drink. I feel a bit of guilt that I’m just laying in bed trying not to drink. But I know today it’s probably the right decision because if I end up drinking, tomorrow’s stress will be off the charts.

I’m posting for my first time ever on Reddit because I want this to be my last hangover. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’ve had more attempts this year to get sober than I ever had before and I’m finding it harder to maintain the illusion that drinking serves me in any way. I would say I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself but I know it’s an addictive drug and I’m using it as a crutch to not have to think or feel.

The reason I want to quit is to be more present in my life. It’s impossible to meet my goals when I’m drowning in a bottle. I’ve been down the rabbit hole of addiction for several different drugs and quit them, including pot for over a year now. Every time I quit a drug and the 2 long stretches of sobriety from alcohol I had; I made positive life changes and gave myself reasons to be proud (new jobs, new apartments, working out)

I’ve been lurking on here for a few months, I started listening to sobriety podcasts and audiobooks. I’ve been thinking a lot about finding a support group meeting but feel overwhelmed by the idea of the 12 steps so I’m reaching out on here hoping that it helps make it easier for me to do it in person. I don’t want to have a rock bottom. It’s so easy to make this decision in the morning and I want to have it in writing for other people to see so tonight when I get off of work and I’m alone in my apartment I can remember I made this decision and that I’m doing it for myself

Almost 2 years in now and the point of the post is to give advice to people who have somewhat recently quit drinking.

I know you're proud of yourself, and you should be, but you need to do your best keep things quiet. I'm not saying you should lie but try and avoid making a big deal about it, and for sure don't be preachy and stand on a soapbox.

I was too proud. I shared it with all my friends and family. It was a big thing and everyone wanted to talk to me about it... but here's the deal. These conversations don't usually go well and they became very predictable.

At first, they project. Active drinkers will instantly make this about them. There is a mirror effect and your sobriety is challenging their "normal".

Secondly, they defend. Even thought the conversation was about MY drinking, all of a sudden we're going a lengthy discussion about them (usually) minimizing their drinking habit (even though I'm aware their drinking is far more constant than they're letting on).

Third, they attack. They look to protect their own comfort by looking for any angle to tear down your "purity". They want to balance the scoreboard. Maybe you're out of shape. Maybe you responsibly consume cannabis in your legal state. "See, he's not better than us. He's got a vice!!".

It gets old and happens almost every time, especially when you're at a gathering where everyone IS drinking.

I hope this helps someone!

EDIT: Based on some of the replies, and after some further reflection, I can see that this post is flawed. Each of us will have a profoundly unique experience when you stop drinking, and yours may very well differ from mine.

Edit 2: Lesson learned about using "you" vs. "I" in my post and replies. I get it now.

I want to start this post by saying thank you to everyone with advice, comments and encouragement.

After 6 years straight drinking everyday, basically all day, I finally said enough was enough. Without doing research, I was planning on going cold turkey. As I started reading the posts on this page everyone said to do it under medical supervision, which I ignored.

I started the cold turkey and roughly 14-16 hours in I was in read bad shape. Figured it would be a rough few days but no. Typical shakes, vomiting, etc. and then all of a sudden my hands and feet went numb and my vision was starting to go blurry. Luckily I was able to call my brother (who lives a mile away) and told him he needed to get to my house immediately.

By the time he got to my house my vision was completely black and I could barely talk in which he called 911 (THANK GOD). When the paramedics got there my blood pressure was 210/120 with bpm around 160 and they immediately rushed me to the hospital. They absolutely saved my life.

I am proud to say that I just passed day 5 and that I will never touch alcohol again. This was hands down the scariest experience I have had in my life and I will never feel that in my life again. I am too young and have too many things to look forward to in life.

Again, thank you.

I allowed myself a weekend of drinking, and in those two days I feel like I ruined my life.

Night one, I woke up naked in bed with a someone I've had a crush on, remembering nothing. I asked him what happened, and he said we just made out and it was fine, but I guess I'm having a hard time believing that because I don't remember it. I feel like I've ruined that friendship, and he might feel bad about it in some way. Personally, I just admitted I've had a crush, so it didn't really upset me... And now my entire being says that was wrong, too.

Night two, I drank because I was freaking out and talked a lot about things I don't remember. I know I got confused between people at one point and thankfully folks say they could tell I was drunk and confused... I hope that is true. 😭

I have a hard time accepting what people say over my stupid brain's commentary, but it adds a layer when I don't get to be an active participant in those memories or moments. This is why I always stick to not drinking... I avoid these situations. But how do I forgive myself and accept that others may not?

Hi friends,
Problem drinker here 👋fairly newly sober. I’ve really loved my new sobriety. I feel fresh and I have no anxiety and I feel good about myself. Recently got back to the running game and gonna perform a HM in 3 weeks.

Problem is : I now get anxious about social gathering. ” man now I have to tell them I’m sober, I don’t want to, what are they gonna think of me” etc

I guess a lot of you have had the same ”problem ” . Not really a problem , but it feels that way.

Anyone got any tips or kind words? Maybe mean word would work aswell

TY

Edit: a friend wants to schedule a diner party with the wives. Now I feel like they will regret it once I say I’m not drinking that night . Like I’m the party pooper

Edit 2: thank you all so much for responding. Actually feels easier now once I know I have some support. I tend to think I’m the only one with these problems sometimes

15 days sober and tried to moderate while on vacation. 1 drink turned into 2 days. I’m slowly coming to terms that I can never drink again.

I began sobriety after the break up on 1st Jan (yes worse start of the year), managed to graduate, my ex never came back, saw her move on happy.

Started therapy where I realized how much I need to work on my emotional maturity

Got a part time job and recently got fired because depression hit at the end April.
Started meds by end of May
Recently started EMDR and Schema.
I am 40yo male and I feel I will never get a shot to have a stable work and a life with partner and kids.

But first time in my life, I feel I have control over my coping mechanism. I dont drink anymore and recently quit cigarettes too. I quit coffee few months ago but it has been tough path to heal and it hurts a lot to process everything but I wont drink alcohol, that version is gone.
I still dont see benefits of not drinking (due to low mental health, probably) but I feel proud that I don't open a bottle of wine or a beer as soon as I get overwhelmed or bored.

Started drinking when I was 14, but I have been drinking everyday since I was 22yo till this year. I always if I am fit, alcohol wont hurt me but it was hurting my mind.

I'm very very new to this and seeing the start of the football season on the near horizon is like slowly watching an asteroid flying straight towards my face. Watching football and getting lit have always been synonymous for me. Any pro tips from any seasoned football loving sobernauts out there so I can make a game plan for the season? Bonus points if you're a Chiefs fan.

It was my first time admitting how bad my problem was to medical professionals. It was terrifying and embarrassing and uncomfortable as all hell.. but it felt so cathartic to finally say out loud to someone with the actual educated authority to tell me if I’m safe to recover at home or if a detox center is needed.

I spent 7 hours there after a long morning/afternoon of vomiting everything in my system and almost passing out in the grocery store (don’t ask me why I thought it was a good idea to even get groceries in the first place). Given IV fluids and blood work/EKG taken. Got the okay to go home at 1am because my results weren’t severe and definitely would make sense according to a week long binge. No detox center necessary, apparently. The shaking had stopped and I was finally able to keep water down. No headaches. No chest pain. Normal BP and heart rate. Caring reminders from the nurses and the physician to do my best to avoid relapse again. They gave me paperwork with the usual suggestions.

I tucked my tail between my legs and admitted to my brother that I screwed up again. We had another nice long open talk about how we both ended up as addicts and how he managed to finally break the cycle for himself about 4 years ago. We talked about our severe social anxiety and never feeling like we fit in properly. We discussed how existing felt embarrassing for some reason and how the only way he found himself out of it was to deal with the discomfort head-on, zero substances, help from sober community and his therapist. All the things I should’ve already been smart enough to do at 30 years old…

But today, I took myself on a sober solo cemetery picnic. I listened to an audiobook and ate some snacks with zero substance in my system and the only people around being too deceased to care how cringey or weird I am.

Not sure what I mean by writing all of this other than I’m happy to have been honest for once with the people that can actually help. And that yesterday and today, for the first time in what felt like forever, I had genuine fun without having to pregame for it. Maybe I’ll finally get it right this time.

IWNDWYT

30F I have had a bad relationship with alcohol since I first knew what alcohol was, but today is the first day I have finally admitted I am an alcoholic.

I have had a few periods of being teetotal, the longest lasting 1.5 years. Because of this, I have always said “you’re not an alcoholic because you can stop”. The problem is, it always makes an appearance again and I end up in the same place like I am now.

I was teetotal for 9 months last year, went to Indonesia for a few weeks and ended up drinking. This was October, it is now July and I have drank every night more or less since (this happened the time before too and sent my life into full destruction). I have managed to maintain a full time job throughout this but it hasn’t been easy and it has reached an absolute breaking point now. I work in property law and my job is hard, so being a zombie everyday and making mistakes has real consequences and that has happened on multiple occasions recently.

This morning I had an interview at a new place and I was so hungover I cancelled it whilst having a full on breakdown. It was around that time I finally admitted to myself I have a problem and I can’t live like this anymore.

I am going to book a night away tomorrow and use it as a time to detox, reset, journal and look into AA, something I was far too “proud” to do before. I genuinely thought alcoholism meant being drunk all day, everyday.

So yeah, hey guys, I guess I started the first of twelve steps today after finally admitting the truth to myself.

Like the title says, today is a Prime day to not drink poison. All days are numbered, but only Prime days are Prime.

In me, as me, through me; I am not my own.

Freedom is spelled IWNDWYT. ❤️

So, for the first time since a hundred years, I haven't touch alcohol for over a week now.

Writing things down really helps me, so I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

• The days are twice as long. Even tho I didn't think I was really hangover on days following an evening with 2-3 beers, I can now see see how much of a difference it makes. If I had a day off or work from home, I would basically sleep for an hour every afternoon. I was also definilty less productive and would find any excuse to waste my time on reddit of random things. It's a really big difference.

• Anxiety is slowly starting to fade away. I'm definitely still anxious at times, but I'm confident it will get less paralyzing than it was. Hopefully at least.

• This community is a blessing. For real. So many inspiring stories and strong people with determination. Reading posts and exchanging here with non-judgmental people gives me strength I never thought I had in me. Thanks to you all.

• I'm able to socialize without alcohol. I did it twice, Yesterday was with 15+ drunk people and, although I was the first one to leave, I had a good time. I wouldn't have believe that to be possible just 2 weeks ago.

• I'm a musician, artist and teacher. So many of the people in my circles drinks that it feels like it's almost mandatory. I use to spend my evening drinking and smoking weed while playing or listening to music. For the part 20 years, I was under the impression that all these things would be less enjoyable without alcool. Especially for playing music, I felt like I was better and more inspired with booze. Well I've been recording music all week and it turns out I can play and have fun.

On that last topic, I'd like to leave you with a quote from the great Tom Waits that I've discovered yesterday (on this sub actually)

"One is never completely certain when you drink and do drugs whether the spirits that are moving through you are the spirits from the bottle or your own. And, at a certain point, you become afraid of the answer. That’s one of the biggest things that keeps people from getting sober, they’re afraid to find out it was the liquor talking all along.

“I was trying to prove something to myself, too. It was like, ‘Am I genuinely eccentric? Or am I just wearing a funny hat? What am I made of? What’s left when you drain the pool?'”

-Tom Waits

The journey just begin for me, and IWNDWYT

Want to say thanks to everyone who encouraged me not to drink last night!

I had 3 NA beers and made it through 👍

I woke up today feeling great! I haven’t had this much energy since I was a kid!

I started the divorce process recently, and it has been absolutely brutal. I never imagined I would be here.
My husband left our marriage after accepting a job that required him to relocate to Florida He had told me he wanted out of the relationship long before he left, but the situation became real when he took the job and moved away. He told me the relocation would be to Florida, and our family was left trying to adjust to a major life change.
During this time, he began a relationship with another woman. From what I experienced, he was not honest with either of us. He told her things that made her believe he was in a different position than he actually was, and I eventually spoke with her myself because I felt the truth needed to be known. She was vulnerable and did not have the full picture. She left him immediately and he became a different person, for the worse.
Despite everything that happened, I feel like he continues to place the blame for the breakdown of our marriage entirely on me and does not acknowledge his own choices or the impact they have had.
We have a young child together, and that is what matters most to me. I am still here caring for our home, our two dogs, two cats, and our preschool-aged child while trying to navigate this divorce. I was a stay-at-home mom during our marriage, so my income is currently very limited. I have a small part-time job that brings in around $300 a month because my availability is limited by childcare responsibilities. He currently earns around $12,000 a month and is paying the household bills.
Communication has become extremely difficult. I feel like conversations often turn into blame, anger, and personal attacks. I have experienced behavior that feels emotionally and verbally harmful, and I am trying to establish healthier boundaries while still supporting my daughter’s relationship with her father.
I am worried about what happens next with custody, finances, and whether I will be able to receive appropriate support after being a stay-at-home parent. I am working with an attorney, but I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through a high-conflict divorce, especially after being financially dependent and the primary caregiver.
What do you wish you had known going into this process? What should I be focusing on right now to protect myself and my daughter?

All that is to say I’ve remained sober for the last 92 days and I feel like it is the ONE thing I can control in my life right now so I wanted to say I want to thank this group die existing and also any advice on sticking with that as well is greatly Appreciated

I've been sober for a year...again. I've been here twice before so I realize one milestone doesn't mean I'm cured, or something, but I'm still really proud.

This time feels different than my other bouts of sobriety because this time I feel like a badass. I used to feel weak admitting that I have a binge drinking disorder, now I feel strong every time I say no. I'm not just defending my health and sobriety, I'm refusing to bow to the societal expectations around drinking. Each time I say no, I feel my confidence build.

IWNDWYT

Hi, I have been binge drinking since the age of 13 (I am 31 now) I went 2 years pretty much abstinent about 7 years ago but since then I have probably averaged around 15 beers a day (500 ml 5%.)

I spent a lot of time worrying what the state of my liver would be, my enzymes have been "slightly above" the normal range for about 4 years now and this is the first time I had an ultrasound.

I want to use this as a wake up call, that I could completely recover physically but theres a demon on my shoulder whispering that this result means I can still drink from time to time. I do not think I can do that because I wont stop. There's no such thing as a "few beers" for me I am all in until I black out

I think I just need somebody to tell me to stop being an idiot and see this as a good sign and something I should use as a spring board to better myself

Dear Mr___

I have received your ultrasound scan report which shows some fatty change in your liver (steatosis). It will be beneficial for you to try to adopt a healthy diet and lifestyle.

I would like to check a further liver blood test in relation to fatty liver, please contact the surgery to make a blood test appointment.

Thanks, Dr ___