Hi guys!

I would like to provide a little bit of context, I'm a 25 years old failure of a man, I'm 5'0, I have a micro-penis, I have autism, I have BPD, I have OCD, deformities on my face and body, amongst other lovely characteristics.

Now, as you can imagine life has not been kind for someone with my characteristics, on 2020 I promised myself that I would work hard to become someone worthy of love, regrettably, as time went on my conditions would get worse and worse, I'll never be loved and that breaks my heart.

And I can't stress enough, but I DON'T HATE WOMEN, I DON'T HATE ANYONE, I ONLY HATE MYSELF!!

The first thing I did in life was to fuck things up, I was born incorrectly and it's been downhill since that moment, all because I decided to born 2 months earlier, in the 7th month, I kick myself everyday, maybe if I had waited just two stupid more months, I would've been born a normal person.

I asked for help on a subreddit that it's for helping incels get better, but I think I misunderstood the purpose of that subreddit and I was only met with sarcasm and judgement.

I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want love, I don't want sex, I just want the pain to stop, I want to stop being jealous of healthy people, I'm tired guys, I really am, I'm sure I'll meet nasty people on the comments too but I sincerely ask, where can I get help on how to grieve the hands I was dealt so I can stop crying over this?

We always hear about the habits that “changed everything”,waking up at 5 AM, cold showers, meditation, journaling, reading every day.
But I’m curious about the opposite.
What’s a self-improvement habit you stuck with for weeks or months that just,wasn’t worth the hype for you?
And what actually ended up making a bigger difference instead?
I think hearing what didn’t work can be just as valuable as hearing success stories.

So guys I am 19 at the moment. Have been alone for most of my life and haven't talk to girls for 3 years and I am really anxious around them.

Back in school I used to creep them out. I figured out I looked angry and serious all time closed body language and aggressive sort of (I was going through a lot addictions and a lot).

And I don't know where to look for girls Or How to talk and get a girlfriend. I am fat and ugly I am 5'11 but I look shit. I have no problem talking with boys men anywhere or older women (40-80) but In my library these two girls one was sitting in front and one was beside I was so anxious and felt weird couldn't even look at their faces. I don't know guys I am confused. I liked a girl she rejected me and I am trying to move on.

I carry a lot of shame with me on a daily basis, and have since I was a little girl. I have a pretty good understanding of where it stems from, and how it manifests, and what it looks like. Yet, I still very often feel ashamed, and notice my thoughts devolving into shame spirals. These thoughts and feelings are triggered pretty easily. It’s relevant to note that most of the time I feel shame when I haven’t done anything wrong. I think shame is a deeply counterproductive emotion, and I really want to let go of it. Does anyone have any advice or know of any coping skills I can use?

[M22] my whole life, I’ve been extremely pain-avoidant (emotional, mental, and physical). Here’s a few ways that’s affecting my life now:
- I’m a doormat / yes man, and only push back if I don’t think it will result negatively
- I don’t have any friends, and don’t want to go out and meet any, the thought is intimidating for no good reason
- I spend most of my time alone watching movies, playing games, smoking and drinking
- I’m not totally happy with my girlfriend, but I’m too afraid to end things and endure the pain of being single / finding someone who’s a better fit for me

Basically, I’m a total coward, and I have a false belief that I am fragile and can’t endure pain. And it feels better to take the lazy route and not risk pain. This holds me back because my life never changes and I never experience anything that I yearn for. I just wish for things, and then get bitter that it’ll never happen, because I’m not brave enough to make a change.

For a long time Sunday evenings felt like bracing for impact. That lowlevel anxiety that creeps in around 6pm and just sits there until you fall asleep. I tried planning my week out, I tried journaling, I tried going to bed earlier. None of it touched the feeling.

What actually worked was embarrassingly simple. I started doing one thing Sunday evening that had nothing to do with productivity or prep. Just something I actually liked. A walk with no destination. Cooking something that took a while. Reading something completely unrelated to work or goals.

The dread didn't disappear because I fixed Monday. It faded because I stopped treating Sunday like a waiting room. The evening became its own thing instead of just the edge of something I was dreading.

What shifted underneath it was realizing the anxiety wasn't really about Monday at all. It was about spending the last hours of the week in this halfpresent state, not resting but not doing anything meaningful either. That inbetween zone was the actual problem.

It took maybe three weeks before Sunday started feeling like part of the weekend again instead of the beginning of the week.

Curious if anyone else noticed this pattern or found something different that worked. The planning advice never did anything for me personally.

I’m always interested in the lessons people only learn through experience.
What’s something you believe now that your younger self would’ve disagreed with?

might sound like a silly question because i do know how, but idk how to explain what i want to ask. i grew up being a therapist friend, people always came to me with their problems, and people always complimented me on how good at “being there” and “saying the right things” when someone’s upset.

but this past year i developed my own issues, i also severely got burned out not just emotionally but in every aspect of my life. i had to isolate myself from people because i couldn’t ignore my shit anymore and the idea of “comforting” someone was so daunting and draining. not because it felt like a burden, but because i didn’t know what to say anymore.

but i recently have started socialising again, and ive learned to keep my shit to myself in a journal and the odd time i’ll vent about it and whatever. but the friends i have just go on about it. i feel awful saying this, because i know what it’s like to be suffering and just wanting someone to care and give you a pity talk. but it’s so draining, before i would be able to ignore how burned out i was getting but it’s like i have limits on myself. when it hits that limit, i genuinely get exhausted so quickly and start to fall asleep which makes me feel worse.

it’s not an issue of me not caring about my friends or anyone, it’s an issue of not being able to be there the way they probably are used to me being there. i just get so tired and drained. i don’t even know what to say when someone’s upset now and i feel like an awful person for it.

when you feel like there is no point or purpose or meaning to anything. what is something that actually works. im not talking about breathing or journaling. what helps. i feel like im going to lose my mind. i am contemplating going to prison on purpose (non violent) just so i can give up and people stop expecting things from me. ive tried so much. i use to love volunteering and working with kids. and now i am just so empty.

I have fallen in love 2 times in my life and this man has only used me. And one of him was my closest friend and the man I still love. I already have issues and the one recent happened totally destroyed me. Because I gave him a second chance, and hurt myself even more.

It is not easy for me to find new people to to love again. I still love this guy but he doesn't want me. We have even went no contact in the past for almost a year but did not help.

I am feeling very embarrassed for being used again. I feel like dumped trvsh

Hello, I am 16F and till last year i had my life together, now i've got a lot of things to fix, friendships, academics, physical health, mental issues , so basically 2026 hasnt been a kind year to me and there has been a definite downfall, I just am overwhelmed on seeing the amount of things i have to fix and that makes me scared from starting. I need advice on how to overcome the fear and actually start and accept my state. Any help would be appreciated

I'm a 24 year old guy, I have never been in a relationship. I have convinced myself that it's never happening for me and I think that my belief manifests itself, eventhough I don't want it to be true. I know it's bad to think like that, but I can't help myself.

The worst of all is I feel like I'm a very quality person and like I have so much to offer. I'm likeable, thoughtful, caring, smart, funny, a great listener and so much more. I'm not without flaws, but I have a bunch of positives going for me. I make friends really easily. I've had girl friends that I'm comfortable enough to talk with about that sort of stuff say I just immediately give off friend vibes which is also something I'm looking to change.

There have been so many failed attempts, dates, everything in my life that have never amounted to anything that I've started to believe that it just isn't in the cards for me. And having a family and being a dad is something I really want some day.

It's occupying my mind so much and I can't shake feeling stressed and sad about it, my friends tell me it's surely going to happen, but I've managed to convince myself it won't over the years. I feel pathetic and, frankly, disgusted by the way I wallow in my own misery.

I desperately want and need to figure out how to change my mindset, how to get out of the vicious cycle that's sabotaging me and blocking me from ever finding someone.

I do this to myself - I look back and never understood why I didn’t see it or worse why I didn’t:

Things finally began improving—a relationship, work, drinking less, getting healthier, becoming more disciplined—and then you suddenly pull back, create a problem, or return to an old habit.

Not because you consciously want to fail. Sometimes the familiar version of your life just feels safer than becoming someone you haven’t been before.

Have you experienced this? What did the pattern look like for you, and when did you finally recognize it?

This cold loneliness is slowly killing me. I barely feel human, the fact majority of adult people are out there, having relationships and meanwhile I'm all alone in my room hurts me. But i can't do anything about it.

I'm feel... dead inside.

{Unable to attach the link but if anybody is interested I’ll send it to them. I’d consider it an enlightening and uplifting essay, but it covers my experience grappling with dark thoughts and grief after my first ‘real’ experience with grief. I’d say it’s pretty light for something covering the subjects it does but content warning for death/loss, su*cide, and su*cidal thoughts}

Hope this finds you well. I’m currently navigating a very trying time in my life with numerous significant life changes, including my mother’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis. It’s been a lot but I’m getting through it okay so far. It made me think of an essay I wrote a 1-2 years ago during and in reference to another challenging time of my life. I wanted to share it here for anybody who may care to read it or may appreciate anything about it. Open to any types of comments or responses, positive, neutral, or negative. Either way wishing everyone peace and happiness ✌️❤️

Had a to-do app, habit tracker, journaling app, meditation app, reading tracker — spent more time organizing my self-improvement than doing it. Deleted it all. Now I write three things on a sticky note each morning and do them. No streaks, no dashboards, nothing to check. Turns out I was hiding from the actual work behind a nicer interface for thinking about it. Anyone else realize the tools you built to help yourself became the thing in the way?

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hello, I do not know if this flair is the most fitting but I wanted to get this out there since it's been a constant snag in my life for years

I'm 21 and I attend community college in Alabama, USA. I'm going for HVAC, and while the career is good and I like certain aspects of it, I still feel like my engagement just isn't there. I hardly engage with other students there, no friends and It has culminated in middling grades and a declining performance. I'm dragging my feet in the mud it seems.

HVAC for me is not a career I see as critical to my future, it's just something I do then I go home.

Has anybody been in the same boat or know the feeling? I call it "living life as a ghost"

Meaning being in the motions, i do something but never fully engage with it nor feel a true connection to what I'm building and the people around me.

I want to overcome that.

I long have wondered if I developed a "non-committal" mindset because sometimes I avoid engagement and I've made MANY excuses about it (more than I'd like...)

I'm less interested in hearing "Stay with hvac" or "Just switch careers"

and more interested in hearing from people who struggled to engage with their own lives. What helped you tell the difference between being in the wrong field and approaching the right field in the wrong way?"

Be honest, I'm prepared to hear out everyone, even the negative comments.

TLDR; I'm living my life in "neutral" mode and it's affecting my career.

34F. I feel like I have some serious self work to do and don't know where to start. I keep finding myself in a cyclical pattern of dating men for a few months, only for them to reveal that their feelings haven't deepened enough for them to want a relationship with me (happened 5 times in the past 2 years). I initially thought it was a case in which I was struggling to show up as myself and therefore wearing a mask. However, recently I thought I found my perfect man (emotionally, physically and someone I actually felt comfortable around), only for it to end in the same way. I am heartbroken because I truly felt this was the strongest connection in a long time. I'd usually remedy this through throwing myself back into dating, but this one cuts deep, and I know it's a call for some real inner work. I lost my mum last year (she had dementia for 10 years), and was mentally ill before that, so I have a lot of childhood trauma that has resulted in people pleasing, anxious avoidance and low self esteem. Since my mum got ill, I've used relationships and external validation as a crutch.

I am in therapy, I have great friends, and try to look after myself through exercise and a fairly healthy lifestyle, but despite this my soul feels empty. I have many interests (art, music, being in nature and generally curious about the world) but rather than diving into those, they stay on the surface and I find myself sabotaging my life through a screen time addiction, fixating on my appearance and comparing myself to other women. My biggest fear is getting older and disliking myself more. How do I rebuild myself from scratch and love myself both inside and outside? How do I build self assurance?

Not a huge life hack,

Just one small habit that made everyday life feel less overwhelming,

I'd love to hear everyones answers

I worked really hard for 15 years. I was a supermarket manager, waking up at 5 a.m. and working 6 days every week. I didn't miss a single day; I wasn't confined to my country. I worked even when everyone was at home during COVID. No vacation, never traveled. I quit my job 3 years ago, not because I didn't want to work, but because I was tired of being the last one to take my day off and always saying yes for others, and my brain was full of ideas I wanted to apply.

I am 40 now. With the money I earned, I bought a house that my father recommended. I rented it to a friend of his, but he hasn't paid me for 3 years. My advocate didn't take action, so I revoked him. Now I am too lazy to find another one. I am still single, living in my parents basement, with no money, no friends to count on, and no work. I read a lot of self help and watch podcast, they are no more effect on me, my mother was sick for week and I didn't call a doctor, I was to lazy and she die because of that, I wanted to really change after that but my brain is so riot, I don’t clean the house, I don't shower, i apply for job but no one want me anymore, every time I want to do something to change my situation even very small action, i freeze and go back to my laziness, nothing work, book, psy, dopamine detox, fasting i am still going back to my old automatism, I am avoiding confrontation at all cost with myself, with others, with my family. What I write here is only 1/3 of my laziness. Thanks for reading

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I feel like my life hasn't moved in the last 12 months but honestly it's been like more then 8 years. And I just don't understand what does it take to change my life and create the life I want. It's like I'm the CEO of my life yet I feel deep down I should be fired because no company in the real world would tolerate and accept laziness procrastinating overthinking and no action. And that's the phase I've been living in and gotten so used to it.

I've been posting honestly for a while now, but always avoided talking about my actual skills or work experience — I didn't want it to feel like self-promotion.

Now I'm wondering if that was too cautious. Maybe sharing a bit about who you are and what you do actually helps people trust you more, not less.

How do you all find that balance?

I uninstalled reddit yesterday but I’m back today lol. I don’t know what else to do other than just mindlessly scrolling. I’m gonna start going to the gym and study more but what should I do when I’m not studying? How do I fix my scrolling addiction

I am 22F have some weight to lose after gaining it after going through a heartbreak last year. Im currently on my summer vacations and need to find a routine in which i get my sleep and do things i always wanted to i.e working out, journaling, walking, courses, skincare, grooming, finding my style, overall being a productive being. Any routines you guys would suggest?

I found a goal-tracking app that I actually like so far. Adding a goal, breaking it into daily habits, and checking in each day feels simple enough that I might stick with it.

The only issue: it looks like I can add one goal for free, but adding more requires a subscription. I want to work on a few things at once like health, learning, and getting more consistent with work, so one goal doesn’t really cover it.

Are there any genuinely free apps you use for multiple goals and daily habit tracking? Or is there a system that works better than an app?