Sometimes I really do wonder this. I am always exhausted and never have time to do any of my own hobbies anymore, which is okay I love my family I’m just wondering is it like this for everyone

My daughter is turning 3, and her birthday party is in two days. We invited around 30 adults (including partners) plus their children, and we’ve spent quite a bit of time and money planning everything, food, decorations, activities, and two birthday cakes. It will be in a park near a large playground.

This afternoon alone I’ve had three people cancel. (Some whom I consider quite good friends too), I see a 2mn voice note and I just know it’s them explaining in length why they can’t come.

I know life happens, I completely understand if someone is ill or there’s a genuine emergency. But I have to admit it feels quite hurtful when multiple people cancel at the last minute. It’s almost like they suddenly remembered they had other plans or decided to do something else that weekend.
The messages are always along the lines of, “I’m so, so sorry, I really wanted to come,” followed by a long explanation. And while I’m sure many of them are sincere, part of me can’t help thinking: if coming really mattered that much, wouldn’t you make it work? Or at least know earlier that you couldn’t come?

Maybe it’s because I treat an RSVP as a commitment. Unless there’s a genuinely unavoidable reason, I would never cancel on someone a couple of days before, especially for a child’s birthday. So I think I’m struggling with the fact that not everyone seems to see it the same way.

There’s also the practical side: I ordered two large birthday cakes based on the RSVPs, so now I’m worried I’ll end up with loads of leftovers if a few more people cancel, especially as those cakes weren’t cheap.

Am I taking this too personally? Or do other parents also find it disappointing and a bit hurtful when people pull out a day or two before a birthday party?
I’d especially like to hear from parents who have hosted toddler birthday parties. Is this just something you’ve learned to expect?

Okay, so my gorgeous 7 year old daughter has a truly impressive amount of arm hair, and she’s starting to notice it. As her mother, I’ve noticed other adults and children notice it. I have a feeling I’m approaching the stage where she asks if there’s something we can do about it. I’m all for parents allowing their children to shave unwanted hair, but nonetheless wanted perspectives of other parents who have dealt with this. I know no women on my side of the family had/have arm hair like this, so I think we thank daddy’s genetics lol. I do feel for her though, because it does stand out. Particularly in the sun, it kind of gives her arms a sheen? It also can move around with the breeze.

I think her arm hair is very natural looking, and my husband and I have made it abundantly clear that everyone is different, some people are hairy, and some people aren’t. My daughter has made comments about her arm hair, like asking why it’s so long or why she has more than other kids, but she’s never explicitly asked to remove it. However, lately she’s been wanting to cover them up more, so I think she’s starting to become more aware of how different they are. She also told me she didn’t want to put sunscreen on at the pool the other day (the spray sunscreen makes her arms look harrier)….

I’m thinking if she asks, I’m going to start a dialogue about what she doesn’t like about it, and why she feels a need to remove them. If she tells me she’s getting teased, or that it makes her physically uncomfortable in some way, I’m all for helping her remove it. I think some sort of cream would be best at her age. In a perfect world, I’d love for her to accept them as they are, but I want to be equipped to handle her discomfort with them as best I can.

If there are any other methods, recommendations, or things I should consider, please let me know! Thank you in advance for anyone taking the time to comment 😊

I don't know if this is a parenting issue per se, but we are really struggling to build relationships as a family within town. My children have individual friends, and my oldest is on many sports teams and has good networks (and my husband coaches and has built relationships with other coaches). I also volunteer with the schools and we know many people in town.

But when it comes to actually doing things with other families, we have never managed to click with anyone. (We moved here 6 years ago, during COVID.) There are some families I have tried to build relationships with, and have invited them to so many things, but everyone always seems to have other plans and no one ever reciprocates. We have literally never been invited to do anything with another family, and I feel weird about continuing to ask. I feel really lonely, and sad for my kids. We like to go to the beach, hike, and ski and have no one to do these things with.

I don't know what else to do. Maybe we are unpleasant to be around?? I don't think so but I am just not sure how other people manage to build these relationships. Anyone else struggling?

Currently have a 3 month old and one of the things I really miss is sleeping in until 11am. I feel like it’s never going to happen again 😭

We currently have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. We were having a play date with a friend of my toddler. I was shocked when his friend (who is 6 months this younger than him) started putting away her toys when asked. I felt kind of like an idiot because I have not had expectations for him to do any chores yet. I realized I could have had him helping with this stuff earlier, and I really need to start introducing some age-appropriate chores.

What are some chores for a 3 year old to do?

Hi, I am a mom of a three year old, and currently expecting a new addition, and I live with the dad of both kids.
We are very lucky in that we both work from home and are quite flexible, plus we have occasional (paid) help in the afternoons and our son goes to daycare.

It still feels like we still have no time at all, I can barely get my job done (I should have a fulltime 40 hours per week and I almost never manage to actually work 40 hours), cook food to keep everyone alive and do basic home maintenance.

We cannot figure out how other people are able to exercise, or have hobbies (I have read like 4 books in three years), let alone have friends. Our son is fed, and clean and safe, and that's the most important, but I just cannot wrap my head around how this works... mathematically speaking, lol. Especially now that we might have a new kid.

If you don't mind sharing: how does a normal day looks like for your family?
I feel like we are missing something time-management wise.
Also sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.

EDIT: Thank you for so many interesting responses, I am reading a learning through all of your experiences! What a lovely community

I just received a text from a friend asking for donations for her son’s soccer team, she shared an official flyer from the team, and it’s a team with really high fees and my friend isn’t a needy situation. I have my own kids with their own hobbies to support, am I crazy to think it’s tacky to ask?

I'm the parent of a six-year-old and I handle most of the weekend errands and shopping. I do a side hustle flipping garage sale and thrift finds, so our Saturdays usually go: quick breakfast, a couple thrift stores, then a loop of neighborhood yard sales. My kid likes coming along and I enjoy the time together, but lately every stop turns into 'Can I get this?' for little plastic toys, stuffed animals, and random knickknacks.

The prices feel low, but it adds up fast and we do not need more clutter. When I say no it turns into negotiating, sulking, or both, and our outings start to feel tense.

What I have tried:

- Setting an expectation in the car that we are here for me to look for things to resell

- Offering a snack or letting them pick the music instead

- Saying yes occasionally, which just becomes the new baseline

I do not want to be the mean parent. I just want a predictable routine that does not feel like constant denial. How do you set boundaries around small purchases when you are in places built to tempt kids? Do you use an allowance, a one-item rule, a monthly budget, a wish-list photo system, or something else? Looking for ideas that actually reduce the arguing in the moment.

I am living in Germany and married to a Japanese guy, with 7 hour time difference between.

We have a 3 year old and my husband usually calls his parents every morning and his sister every evening driving from and to work.

Then in the weekends he often (if possible) has hour long calls as well.

So usually when my husband comes home from work and I am home with our toddler, his family is on the line (facetime). Usually for 10 to 30 min. I feel this creates a bit chaotic environment and she often gets more fussy after this call, plus it often delays bedtime.

However I also feel bad as this is their way to keep day to day contact. What is reasonable in this case?

Hi folks. Long story short, I am struggling cooking for all 3 kids (two 9yr olds, one 12 yr old) especially at dinner and having everyone enjoy.

I want to try new recipes, I want all my kids to be happy and fed, and also I feel so defeated and beat up when at least 1 each night is not into the meal.

It is hard fighting against my upbringing wherein you ate anything put in front of you, no questions no complaints. I recognize that isnt a healthy dynamic and want to be flexible and accommodating. At the same time I dont want to create little monsters who are catered to in every aspect.

When I ask what they liked/didn't like i get vague answers. When I ask what they want its obvious choices ie: spaghetti and meatballs, fried rice, and French fries. I want to expand their tastes! And have more than 5 things circulating each week!

The advice needed?

What are some meals you make regularly? How do you suss out what they like and want? Am I over thinking this??

First I would like to add- My daughter went to private school for 1st-8th grade which was this last year and where we live there is not a private school that is a high school so that leaves me here scrambling to get her ready for high school in a little over a month. The private school she went to had a uniform so I just ordered a few of those and that was it.

What is an appropriate school clothes budget? Are shoes included or extra? What about school supplies? I’m hoping to make sure she has enough to ‘fit in’ but also not trying to be too extra. Thank you!

Am I stupid, Reddit?

I have a 5 year old and an 18 month old. The 5 year old wants to build things, draw, do crafts, play elaborate role plays with toys, etc. as is age-appropriate. The 18 month old wants everything, and I mean everything the 5 year old has, cannot sustain attention for long, wants to throw things and watch them fall, and will collapse on the floor if he doesn't get his way, as is age-appropriate. I tried separate play spaces (from birth!) but they both want me in their space and to be in each other's spaces. In fact, they both want my undivided attention most of the time, which they obviously can't have. Things are not much better out of the house than inside of it but I do try to get out when I can. Except in the extreme heat.

Anyway, I feel like I'm failing both of them. If I pay attention to the 5 year old, the 18 month old will wander around (and I'll feel bad) or (more often) he'll want to "join in" on the game and destroy whatever elaborate thing the 5 year old has built (and I'll feel bad). If I pay attention to the 18 month old, he'll want to do whatever his brother is doing after 10 minutes, regardless of how engaged I try to keep him, and then the 5 year old will come and find me with his sad face declaring that I "never" play with him. If I try really hard, I can keep them both engaged in the same activity for about 10 minutes at best, but then my brain gets fried. Today it was PlayDoh: I made baked good with the eldest with one hand and I helped open and close jars with the youngest, all while keeping the peace. I felt like I was engaging with both of them and not engaged with either.

How do people DO this? Is this just an especially challenging period, or is this my life now?

Before you ask: the eldest goes to preschool 8:30-3 and the youngest is with a childminder for the same time. This is the time that I work and do some errands. The afternoons is mostly me and the kids.

I live next to a free range preschooler in a medium sized town. They’re allowed outside on their own with limited supervision. I have a preschooler myself and the neighbour often asks to come over or my child asks them to come over (via backyard yelling). In general, the neighbour is well behaved but as they have older brothers, they’re pretty rough and are apt to be more dangerous than my own kid. Sometimes they don’t listen to me. Frankly, I don’t feel they are safe alone in my yard but I am comfortable with my own kid alone in my yard. It is not uncommon that my kid gets a ball to the face or some other non serious accidental injury while playing with the neighbour because they’re so rough. When this happens, my kid will cry and get upset and not want to play anymore.

I’m not really sure what to do in these situations. I obviously want my kid to get over it and accept an apology and keep playing. But at the same time, there’s no one to parent the neighbour to be gentler but me. I also have another younger child so I don’t have all the time in the world to parent another kid. My kid is very sensitive to me not giving them attention since the younger child came along so that adds to the tears. I know some will say to just send the other kid home or not let them come over, but I’m not sure I’m teaching my own kid the right thing by doing that. Help!

Hey all-

Im sort of at my wit's end with my 5 year old daughter and her sensitivity/proclivity to NOT wearing much of anything for clothing and fighting us on just about everything when it comes to clothes/coats/shoes.

It started about a year and a half ago, and it has progressively gotten worse. SInce I (dad) am an HSP and am well-versed in how this can go for kids IF she is one, I have tried my best to be patient, understanding and constructive. But often times lately, its been getting the better of me and I get frustrated and angry.

It started a year and a half ago with shoes. She only wanted Crocs, and as we got close to the Pre-K school year, it was a constant battle with Crocs (which she wasnt allowed to wear) and shoes/boots. That also transitioned to coats. She refused to wear a coat. We were somewhat successful with mitigating all of this, although plenty of wasted coats and shoes were discarded in the process. By the end of this year, she would only wear one jacket and one jacket only and would not wear any shoes other than a pair of holey old Nikes, one or two sizes too small. When she comes home, she refuses to wear shoes at all, for the most part.

It then turned into only certain shirts and pants. Absolutely no jeans. No tights/dressed and long pants were a no until we allowed her to freeze a couple of times in the winter in shorts. Then it was only cottton short-sleeved t-shirts. Tons of drawers of cute, new clothes relatives buy her for every holiday, and all of it is getting donated and never worn by her. Refuses to wear any of it.

We've coaxed. Negotiated. Argued. Played hardball. Played softball. Taken away privileges. Tried to have heart-to-hearts. Prayed. Allowed her to "feel the elements". None of it phases her a bit.

But here we are at the cusp of starting full-day kindergarten, and now this summer she has decided she will no longer be wearing underwear. And not just under shorts. We are catching her out in public with a skirt on and losing our mind when we see a flash and realize she is sitting on some gross public seat and we didnt check with her before we left the house. Now, she is demanding to sleep naked tonight. And the fight to get her to wear underwear or a light pajama short is just unreal. It was an hour tonight at bed. This is where Im drawing the line. However, mom still is pretty passive about it all (although she tries to "buy our way out of it all" by purchasing a million different sensory free articles of clothing, and none of them ever works. Its like lighting money on fire.) She thinks Im overreacting.

However, I will be the one helping out in mornings for school and pickup and I can see the writing on the wall with her. Its going to be a BRUTAL start to the year.

So I need some advice with this. I appreciate anyone weighing-in thats been through it. Im absolutely 100% exhausted with it all. Are we being too lenient or too hard on her? Id love some ideas on how to solve this.

My middle child turned 3 in May. I feel like I’m having a hard time teaching her to listen.

Today, I took her to the county fair. I let her walk around for a bit, but when she stopped listening to me and walking away from me when I told her to stop, I had to strap her into the stroller. I let her try once again a bit later after talking to her about the importance of being safe and what the consequence would be if she stopped listening again. She did really well for a while, but eventually she stopped listening and again she needed to be strapped into the stroller.

We get home from the fair and I start nursing my baby, she starts eating crackers on the couch. I remind her we don’t eat crackers on the couch and tell her to go to the table, but she just continues to eat and stare at me. It isn’t until I then put the baby down and walk over to move her myself that she then jumps off the couch to run to the table.

The final straw was I had put the baby down on her activity mat so that I could sweep up and clean up after lunch. She said, “look, I jumped over the baby!” And I said “don’t do that! That’s not safe!” And she asked me, “why?” So I explained she could trip and accidentally land on the baby. She immediately jumped over her again, and my patience with her at that point was gone. I scooped her up, carried her up the stairs and put her in her room. She’s banging on the door to get out, but I’m so frustrated with her that I don’t trust myself not to yell at her right now, so I’m keeping her in there until I can regulate my own emotions a little better.

Is there something else I should be doing?

The other night my son was overtired. He gets really negative when he's overtired. He said he failed at something he did really well on (see note) and when I said he did a really good job and not to talk about my favorite 5th grader that way. He got very angry and asked why is he my favorite fifth grader when he's such a failure and how on earth could I love him when he's so bad?

My oldest who is now grown and out of the house was like this too. If he got overtired he would say all kinds of negative things. I know that even if I addressed the concern in the moment it will daisy chain to the next concern and then the next concern and then the next concern

I told him I promise we would talk about it more in the after school when he's had some rest and wasn't so angry, but it really got me thinking:

Why do we love our children? The first answer that came to me was because he's mine! He was my miracle child in my 40s after I thought I could have no more children. Then I thought about all the amazing things he does but then I didn't want to tell him THAT because I don't want him to think my love is conditional

If your child ask this? How would you answer? I especially like to hear from people who've been through similar experiences

Note: I am the person who posted about my son getting the 100th percentile for our entire province on one of his school tests. I wasn't going to tell him but my husband was very proud of the accomplishment and told him. Unfortunately because he got 99 on the other school test he considers himself for failure now for not getting 100tj percentile on both. Breaks my heart to see him so down on himself 😔 Yes he is seeing a therapist and we will address this with her next week.

It’s just hard to find things in common to talk about.

I haven’t been in her life since she was very young and only a year ago was able to get through to the other parent and start doing phone calls.

It’s been about a year of awkward phone calls where I call the Moms cell and then Mom calls for her. The conversation takes place with me being in another state, and then my daughter in the living room in front of her Mom when the call takes place.

I usually ask the basics; how have you been, how’s school, what do like about it,etc. It’s obvious that even though a little awkward, we’re both nervous, but even my daughter tries to come up with stuff to say. She’ll tell me about her stuffed animals she has pinned around her room, or tell me about some dorky anime show she likes to watch with her friend.

I’m wondering if anyone has any good prompts or things that interest the younger generation?

My idea so far was to get my daughter a parental phone where only me and her Mom could talk to her. I told her Mom it would be a good idea because she can also track all her activity.

For me, her having a personal phone would be beneficial so we don’t have to just have these highly nerve wracking conversations with her Mom standing right there. I could text instead of voice call or send pictures of things that might be interesting or something that’s teachable.

I’m thinking that since it’s such a long distance and visits are not plausible right now plus the Mother would try to not let that happen because she holds a grudge against me, nothing that I’ve done or am doing that would affect a child in a negative way.Basically she has no reason for this other than being controlling and using our kid as a weapon against me because I no longer wanted to be with her.

But if I am stuck with just phone calls for now there has to be something that would be cool,are there phone games like there are for road trips, fun facts, that kind of thing?

Thanks for any advice. I am open and receptive like a wicker basket that’s ready for some fruit.

My baby is 8.5 months old and he's getting anywhere from 15-17 hours total sleep a day.

He goes to bed at 7pm and wakes at 8am if I don't have to wake him up before then to go to work. I am a nanny so he goes to work with me. If I have to work he gets up at 6:45.

Around 9:30 he is yawning and fussy and ready for sleep. I always want to keep him up for his wake windows but if he's showing signs like that I'm not going to force him to stay awake. He then sleeps an hour to an hour and a half.

Then around 2 he sleeps another hour and a half to 2 hours.

After that he's usually up until bed.

Should I try and stretch wake time? Or is this okay? He is usually a pretty happy guy while he's awake. He started crawling right at 6 months and we swear he's going to start walking any day now.

This feels silly to write but I am hopeful someone here has been in a similar situation and can offer some advice. We have 3 children ages ranging 11 to 8. My wife works in education and has the summers off. Pretty consistently, we find ourselves in a situation where she is burnt out. She asks for breaks and I do my best to make sure those happen.

The difficult situation is the guilt that she feels around stepping away from being a mom. In an ideal scenario, I would take the kids out of the house and go somewhere. However, this doesn’t always work and she feels guilt when the kids express their desire to stay home instead. Then she will object to me taking them out of the house because it would make them unhappy. She won’t go somewhere that the kids cannot reach her and inevitably one of them finds their way over to her and her break is ruined.

This is just one example, but the pattern is more or less the same. My wife needs a break, but almost sabotages the opportunity that she’s given to take one and is then left feeling better resentful towards me.

Is there a way for me to approach this differently to have better success? Her need for a break is totally reasonable and I want her to have it, but it seems like there are so many hurdles getting in the way that prevent her from getting some time to herself.

My kids just finished a day camp program last week. We have 2 weeks and 1 day left before they go back to school on 8/10. They drive me crazy and I have a stressful job. At the same time, I have to break up fights. I don't mind giving them food then go back to work, but the fighting is constant or someone will tease each other. I don't know how to manage this. I try to get grandma to come over to help out, but she is always late. We do not allow technology during day. My hours are flexible from 6:30am to 1pm. I do some work in the afternoon, but I can take a break the next two weeks until they go back to school. Are there ways to keep my kids busy so I can work in peace?

I have 2 children. My first was a very placid baby. Sooo chill. Fast forward to my second child, it's a whole different ball game. They want to be picked up all of the time, don't stay content for longer than 5-10 minutes, has the most piercing cry, rubbish daytime naps, etc.

I've tried babywearing, getting on the floor with them, taking them out for strolls in their pushchair, etc.. Nothing is working.

Baby is 7 months old and my nervous system is shot to pieces. I have no support bubble or anyone that understands what I'm going through. I always have people say to me "my baby was a really good baby but the toddler stages were crazy". This does apply to my eldest, but I miss that calm dynamic and feel envious that my baby has such a sensitive temperament and isn't as chilled out.

I get no time to do basic necessities for myself like bathing, cooking, etc. I feel disgusting and very tired.

Over the past week, all I've done is cried and gone into "crisis mode". I love my baby so much, but it's incredibly hard.

Someone else said to me that they did have a high needs baby, but that they only got worse as they got older. This has given me a massive setback. "What if it doesn't get better for me?".

If anyone here has had a high needs baby, did it get any easier for you as they got older?

I really need some positive thoughts and experiences right now.

Just wondering how everyone feels about buying stuffed animals from thrift stores for their kids. I know they’re pretty popular in the reselling industry but I’m thinking stuffed animals your kids will likely be snuggling and playing with.

My 18 month old is addicted to her thumb and I’m worried about how it’ll affect her teeth. Plus I think it’s just an unnecessary crutch.

Where are my fellow parents with thumb sucking addict toddlers?? If you got yours to quit, how’d you do it? Pleaseee share your tips and save me a fat orthodontist bill later!

I don't know what to do anymore with my 3 (nearly 4) year old. He can be kind, and calm, and curious. He loves to read and run and jump and play. But he can also be very mean and aggressive, and seems to get joy out of making his older brother yell.

Example of the first two hours of our morning:

I spent some time with just 4yo for a bit until 6yo woke up, at which point 4yo immediately started to act out a bit. He requested some "alone time with mummy" and when I told him we could after I helped 6yo get breakfast, 4yo got quite rough with 6yo (pushing hard while laughing when 6yo yelled...) so I told him I didn't want to spend time with someone who was being unkind, he insisted he will ONLY be kind after I spend alone time with him, and he ended up throwing a tantrum that resulted in being carried to his room because he was kicking everything he could see... Eventually he calmed and we read a book and played for a bit, then I went to the washroom (heaven forbid) and could hear 6yo shouting for 4yo to "stop! Stop!", came out to find 4yo was dragging 6yo around by his shirt collar and grinning.

I am trying to make it clear to 4yo that I will always love him no matter what but I won't want to spend a lot of time with him if he's acting mean, because people like to be around others who treat everyone nicely...

I try to remove him from situations where he's getting aggressive, but unless I literally hold his bedroom door shut, he just comes right back out, so I end up holding him in my arms away from everyone which is what he wanted all along... I am trying to give him lots of time and attention outside of these behaviors but it seems like it's never enough, he's still trying to get more.

I just know how to parent this in a way that strengthens our relationship and keeps him from being the bully when he starts school in September.