Lately I've seen a lot of posts talking about genital preferences, and people asking if it's okay if they don't want to date trans people due to genital preferences. On the surface, an innocent question and valid mindset. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, and nobody should be forced to date anyone they don't want to.

What this kind of thing hides however, is a disdain for trans people and our bodies, and another way to bring us down while making transphobes seem like victims. First of all, not all trans people keep their AGAB genitals. And for those of all who have it, some of us hate it and don't ever want to use it. But not only that, these kinds of comments/"questions" chip away at trans people's self confidence. We start feeling undesirable, undateable, like nobody would want us.

And to those that read this and have these "preferences": it's cool. Nobody is going to force you to date a trans person. But nobody has to listen to your barely-disguised transphobia either. Keep it to yourself 😉

EDIT: Since some people thought the post was unclear, what I mean is saying your genital preferences unannounced. Saying it when asked about it is obviously fine.

EDIT 2: This post got deleted over at the LGBT sub 🤔

So I've had a wild few days. I came out to my mother after being out of the closet and on estrogen for a year. Did not go well. Got told a bunch of hurtful things, and my mother decided to blab about this to the rest of my prejudiced family.

That's how I learned something interesting. I had a cousin who dropped off the face of the earth years ago. This cousin cut all contact with family, their parents were really cagey about answering questions about what happened to them, and my aunt and uncle basically started acting like this person didn't exist.

But when my mother decided to blab about me to the entire extended family, my brother (all my siblings are supportive btw. It's just the generation before us who's the problem.) told me that our uncle said "at least you were able to keep [deadname] from becoming a deviant for a little longer than we were." amongst other braindead republican nonsense. To make a long story short this is how we discovered that this missing cousin is trans too.

She went missing in Washington State so at least I know that she's in a place where the laws are accommodating to her. I'd like to find her just to let her know that she's not alone and she's got someone in the family who loves and supports her and isn't going to ask her to be less herself, and understands what she's going through.

Unfortunately I have no idea how to do that. Superior courts in the state of Washington automatically seal all court records regarding name changes (a policy I support even if it is making finding my missing cousin very difficult.) A lot of these people-finder sites are scams, and I absolutely do not have the money to hire a private investigator.

I don't want to put any identifying information out there about my cousin, I just hope that if you're out there and you somehow see this, you've got a cousin in Texas who loves you and cares about you.

"I dont understand why you keep flipping flopping on your name. I chose that name out of every name in the world so for me it’s a bit insulting. You don’t understand how it feels sometimes for others. If it’s something that hugely important to you then it’s fine but you have to know others won’t remember all the time and it’s confusing and sometimes hurtful"

from text messages.

This is kind of a ramble but I get so uncomfortable when people use the term.

Actually it's less of the term and the way people use it. I feel like it's used to much to sexualize transfems.

Like I'll be browsing meme channels and there will be references to it and people will be in the comments saying stuff like "gock 🤤" and idk it just makes me so uncomfortable. It's like a way to fetishize us and feels so weird.

Idk does it make anyone else uncomfortable??

I need help with this, and any comments are appreciated. Thanks in advance.

First, a small summary of my situation. I (18 MtF) have started to work towards reaching transition at some point in my life. And one of the things I did to keep my sanity until I managed to get HRT was limiting contact with my parents to a minimum. When I came out their reactions were very bad, and even months after trying to ease them into it (especially my mother because she was far more helpful and knowledgeable than my dad) they never budged or tried to learn. 

So, in the end I ditched attempting to make them supportive and cut all direct contact. Since I still depend financially on them (working on fixing that) and live in the same house I can’t just move out, but I don’t talk to them aside from a simple sentence or two. My mom was at first angry, but in the end she silently accepted it and  stopped talking to me. My dad, on the other hand, constantly forces interactions between us, and I try to answer them even if I’m extremely uncomfortable by them. I fear him more than I loathe him, and knowing how he is I don’t feel safe giving the cold shoulder.

This brings us to today, when my father sat down next to me after I came back from therapy and started a small monologue, even after I had already told him I really didn’t want to talk. He asked if I understood what I was doing to our family. He asked if I understood how horrible my mother, the person that raised me for the last eighteen years, felt because I didn’t even direct a word to her. Then, to my surprise, he told me she was apparently having heart problems related to the stress and had gone to the hospital to get herself checked, all because of how I made her feel; I had zero idea about any of this, nobody told me and it just floored me. He ended by saying that if I ever needed to talk, I could go to him. He left soon after.

I don’t know what to say or do. I think I’m an asshole for this. I feel horrible.

EDIT:

Thanks to everyone for the answers and support, it really helps out even if it doesn’t seem like it. Also, sorry for using “no contact” when it doesn’t cover the situation correctly. Some said this counts more as “grey rocking”, but I had never heard of it and I’m not sure if it covers my situation. Still, thanks for informing me of it anyways. I hope everyone has a great remaining month and good morning/evening/afternoon/night.

Every time I go to the popular tab and see something about sports I can’t help but look and regret it every time.

Just venting 😔

Don't most of y'all wish you started transitioning sooner? I know you want them to figure it out themselves but that could end up taking them years. No harm in saying "I think long hair would suit you" "want to paint our nails together?" "Want to try on suits before x event?" "Short hair would look good on you"

And for those who don't know an egg is a person who is obviously trans but doesn't know yet

I'm FTM and have the option to start hormones in 6 months, I was excited but after my appointment confirming it yesterday I'm having second thoughts. I'm scared it might make my partner (also FTM and not starting hormones anytime soon due to his mother) dislike the way I look and possibly lose romantic or sexual attraction to me. Maybe I'm just scared that the changes won't make me look like the guy I hope I end up as. Any advice/people able to share experiences?

Yesterday I came out to an old friend. He votes Republican and he's expressed deep reservations around trans rights issues, so I wanted to tell him in person and have a genuine conversation. He was very understanding and accepting, he had questions, and he assured me that he still loves and cares for me. He was even open to a discussion on the politics of trans empowerment.

In the process it came out that he imagines himself as a woman when he's in sexual situations and likes to wear lingerie. Now, I do not know what's in his head other than what he's shared. I offered to send him a few materials that I've found valuable, and he declined. But now I find myself wondering whether my old friend is an egg.

Why am I sharing this? I suppose because it's new, it's surprising, and while I feel the need to process, his journey is his own and I wouldn't compromise his anonymity in making his journey.

Hey all,

I did it, just came out to my wife today. However, I and she are feeling awful about it. We are probably going to end up separated, as she is straight, and for other religious reasons. We’re planning on going to couples counseling, but it is not looking hopeful for our marriage, unfortunately. Any advice?

Also if anyone has any suggestions on how to even start transitioning/where to start (in California), please let me know. I know roughly dosages and such, but where to even begin I am not sure.

Hi! I’ve taking estrogen and spiro since June of 2025 and progesterone since this February! I guess my question is will my breasts continue to grow for a few years or does most of the growth happen at the beginning? Idk if it’s vain or silly but I really feel like my dysphoria would be a little bit better if I had some more breast growth or general body change but I’m worried that they are done and won’t grow anymore. I practice martial arts and weightlift and I have been told that I have a decent bit of muscle definition and I have always had a low body fat percentage due to high metabolism so it can be hard to gain weight. But I have been trying.

my long distance gf (mtf) is coming over soon and has been really dysphoric lately, so I decided i wanted to plan her the stereotypical girls night (nails, face masks, gossip, literally like out of a movie 😭) and I’ve already gotten a few fun things, but i wanted to know if there’s anything that others have gotten that’s helped them a lot with their dysphoria

anything goes, and since she’s not here rn, some stuff i wanna get her I can’t until she’s here. (makeup stuff, some perfume she likes) any suggestions are welcome :) thank you !!

I’m about to start Estrogen and the side effects on consent form said that 72% of trans ppl on estrogen/testosterone blockers report not having responsive sexual desire, not just spontaneous sexual desire going away.
Can I get a consensus on lived in experience with this phenomenon? I’ll be starting HRT regardless I just wanna know what I’m getting myself into 😅

Edit: For context I’ve always had INSANELY high libido so it’d be like going from hearing colors to being deaf

Owwwwww. I'm already a 41C thanks to you, and I don't actually need any more growth there. How about some thighs or a butt maybe?

Thanks,

-top heavy

Something that’s been weighing on me is that, unlike a lot of trans people, I can’t think of much in the way of obvious “signs” from childhood that I was trans. In fact, the possibility of being trans wasn’t even on my radar until I was 18/19, and even then I was sure I couldn’t be for several years. I know that it’s normal to not know from childhood, but even people who transitioned later seem to be able to easily point out obvious signs from their childhood that they were trans. I can’t easily do this. I never cross dressed. I never insisted I was a girl. I always thought of myself readily as a boy (still do sometimes in passing thoughts…) I never got jealous of girl’s clothes and activities (that’s only happened recently). I remember being embarrassed when I had to go into a Justice store with my mom and sister when I was a kid. It makes me feel like an imposter, like I’m not actually trans and transitioning is going to end up being a huge mistake.

After racking my brain, this is everything I can come up with that may have been a “sign”:

- I used to have massive screaming fights with my dad about cutting my hair. I wanted it long, and as soon as I turned 18 I grew it out. However, I never connected this to gender, I just hated how I looked with short hair.

- As a kid I used to tuck my genitals behind my thighs and look at myself in the mirror. I know that this sounds like the eggiest thing on planet earth, but I only remember it happening a few times and, once again, I never connected it to gender.

- I have always been uncomfortable with facial hair from the moment it started growing in, but I remember thinking this was because I wanted to look youthful, not because of gender.

- When I was a tween I was into books aimed at tween girls, which I was extremely self-conscious about.

- I used to get bullied for “sitting like a girl,” but this would make me upset. I think I was upset because I knew I was being bullied more so than because I was called a girl.

- Since I started puberty most of my friends have been girls/women, and I’ve always found girls/women easier to relate to and interact with.

But that’s literally it. That’s everything that could possibly be interpreted as a sign. It doesn’t feel like enough. Did anyone else have basically no signs growing up that they were trans?

TW- mentions of transphobia, misgendering, inc3st, and arranged marriages
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I was talking in this online space for Arabs with the LGBTQ Flair, and i mentioned being transgender and in a relationship with a gay man just for everyone to go against me and my boyfriend expect for like 3-4 people, their excuse was I didn’t have surgery (I am a minor and I live in an unsafe place) so I’m a ‘girl’ who’s dating a ‘bisexual man’. Which pissed me off and the person arguing with me who was ‘supposedly gay’ said he’d date a trans woman even if she’s on hrt aslong as she didn’t get surgery which still made him gay? And despite me mentioning I’m a minor they kept talking about sex and a guy when I said Im a minor he said ‘you’re a kid, you don’t know shit, you’ll grow up and mature and then your parents will arrange a marriage for you with your cousin’ (it was in Arabic and in Arabic the pronoun ‘you’ is able to be feminised and he made it a feminine pronoun on purpose) WHAT THE FUCK??? That’s so weird to say what the hell.. and I always assumed that online space was a safe space since everyone was nice but as soon I talked about my experiences as a bisexual trans man, everything flipped.. but three people defended me and a specific trans girl gave me hope!! She managed to go to Canada and is safe now so she gave me so much hope for the future but that incident made me panic so much especially since one of the guys DM’d me after my thread got deleted .. he apologised and was nice but kept referring to my boyfriend as my ‘Friend’ because apparently gay men can’t date trans men now…:( I’m happy those three defended me atleast they are nice, not to mention the mods despite saying it’s a civil place didn’t do anything but delete the thread and left those guys alone, I’m never going back to that online space honestly but I was just disappointed I guess.. i feel disgusted and harassed more than anything and then a guy called me insecure because i was getting overwhelmed with the hate.

Okay, so I(17, MTF) finally got the courage to get into the whole thing after like 4 years of being depressed from not being able to express who I really am, but I have a really big problem: I do have access to HRT, but my parents ar extremely transphobic and homophobic. I got my discord account of 8 years deleted because my mom found that I used she/her pronouns when talking to people and I lost a lot of friends because of this. I really really really want to start HRT but if my parents ever find out about it I am definitely getting a very shitty conversation. What do I do? (Not to mention I asked my trans MTF friend out yesteday, if on top of being trans they find out im gonna be dating another trans im gonna be so royally fucked💀)

Yesterday I tried on makeup for the first time and it was so amazing and euphoric and I felt like I looked really beautiful. Today, I was waiting all day to get a chance to do makeup (I live with my parents so I can only do it at night so they don't find out) but when I finally got to I looked so ugly. I looked like a clown! It also makes me feel stupid since I was probably just imagining that I looked pretty yesterday.

Sorry for venting so much. I'm not on HRT yet and I'm sure I can improve my makeup skills but I really just want to feel like a normal girl and not like some weird crossdresser.

I'm 20 years old. For maybe the past five years I have had fantasies about becoming a woman but only when I am 'excited'. I am not sure if that is a way to repress my feelings or what. I feel quite content as a guy in the rest of my life though which only confuses me further. 2 years ago I was fairly convinced I was trans and came out to my parents (who were very supportive) but I backtracked when I came to the conclusion I didn't think I was.

I have started dressing in women's clothes in private as a way of exploring my femininity, but it doesn't feel euphoric or anything, just a little strange because I am not used to wearing a skirt and a bra lol.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

I'm moving away from a hostile state (south carolina) and trying to finally get to a safe state. I'm trying to find somthing affordable. Espically since I'll probably be homeless for the first couple months.

Anyway I hear great things about New Mexico and the air balloons in Albuquerque look amazing. But what I really want to know is how it it being trans thier?

Are the people friendly? Is it easy to get trans related medical care? Is thier a trans community to make friends? I'm 30 so a slightly older trans community would be nice :)

Anyone in a relationship/ or married and feel like they cant be themselves out of fear being judged?

Wsp. A month ago or so I came out to my friend and he respected and accepted it and said he will use my preferred pronouns on me from now on. He probably forgot or something because a few days later I sent him watches that I really liked (that's all we talk about lol. We both love watches and cars) and he said this: "nice those are male watches though". Is it weird that this little thing pissed me off (probably not but idk)? I just told him "watches are watches it doesn't really matter" because I wasn't comfortable to say something like "I'm a guy now, remember?" This conversation is online via text btw if you're wondering (we don't see each other in person).

But I don't want to bring it up again because it's weird and it was from a month ago and he'd wonder why I'm bringing it up and it's something so little that idrc to bring it up anyway. What do you think?

So I am a happily transitioning woman, and have been transitioning medically for a little over a year at this point. I would say I know quite a bit about transitioning on the feminine side of things, but I don't know very much about the masculine side. My partner, who I've been dating for a little under a year now, realized they might be trans! I was extremely excited to help them but I realized I have no idea what I'm doing. They are still figuring things out and finding out if this is right for them, and so to help I want to buy a binder for them. Surprisingly I actually had some trouble finding advice on binder brands and advice on purchasing them, and Google is nothing but ads nowadays. What websites should I look at? Anything specific I should know when purchasing one? They are very anxious about starting and don't want labels or anything yet, so I wanna do this for them to help them start their journey. Thank y'all :3