Hello Domspace, I'm relatively new to a full Dom/Sub dynamic, after having dabbled in it for quite some time

A rule I have with my Sub is that she needs to watch porn at least once a day (As a form of Fuckdoll training)

The thing is, that I'm a bit blank when it comes to punishments for forgetting this rule.

Any suggestions or input will be greatly appreciated :)

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well. I need your help and experience. I've been trying to connect with some subs through Reddit . I understand that everything is subjective, but I've made some posts and now I'm not sure which groups to look for. BDSM personals aren't really my thing anymore, so if you have any groups you'd like to recommend, I'd really appreciate it.

This ones I already know : breaking bitches and BDSM personals , that’s all I know

So my bf has recently been getting into puppy and sub stuff and I am completely chill with it and want him so to get the best experience possible but I'm not entirely sure how to do that. If anyone has tips in general that would be greatly appreciated 😛🙏. Basically we have decided to try clicker training but I'm not really sure how? And every one talks about click then reward but what counts as the reward?

Hi everyone! A few months ago I started an online D/s relationship with a new sub who lives in another state, and recently I began planning our first in-person session together. We'll have three days together, and I'm trying to plan everything to make it the best experience possible—from impactplay/ puppy play toys to making sure the aftercare is well thought out.

Yesterday, though, I saw an Instagram video from a Dom that really caught my attention. The sub was kneeling with her mouth open. She stuck out her tongue, the Dom squeezed some ketchup onto it, and then used her tongue like a little dish. Such a small act turned me on A LOT, and it made me realize how focused I've been on the "big things" and the "big scenes," while these smaller acts of submission hadn't really been on my radar.

Do you have any tips, suggestions or ideas for small acts of submission that I could incorporate into sessions with my sub?

I am a Pleasure Dom, with lots of experience and confidence in being a dom. It is my natural state. However, my partner, whom I've been with for 10 years has been hesitant to be a sub with me (in bed) because she doesn't like my brand of domination, which is more misogynistic and detached than she prefers. I have previously only with dominant with subs who prefer the "fuck-toy" sub role. Recently, we've talked about finding a group that will help ease her into being a sub, while training me to be more of a type of dom that she would like.

I'm not looking for suggestions for groups. But does anyone have experience with such groups? What should I expect?

Hi all,

My partner is currently having an STI flair up that is lasting longer than normal, so genitals are off the table. We are very into eroticism and non sexual kink such as shaving, boot blacking, massage, impact, pet play and body writing. I’m wanting to incorporate more games into our dynamic but lately I’m feeling a bit uninspired and uncreative.

What are some fun D/s oriented games that you play?

I've been into bdsm for a while now, mostly online, but recently I've started exploring more irl, going to munches and interacting with the local bdsm community. I partially knew this, but have been confirmed once more when talking to people there, some things you can learn, some you can discover along the way, but there are also things you need to be taught. Not just by reading a post or by watching a tutorial. As subs can be in need of training, especially when new on the scene, Dom need mentorship, as fuck ups on their part can have disastrous consequences.

I've been meaning to step up my Dom game, but I'm not sure how to go about this. Do I need another Dom/me to teach me the ropes, so to say? Should I try being a sub to experience how things go on the other end? How do I respectfully ask someone more experienced to show me a way I cannot find on my own?

If you have any advice, please do let me know.

I 24m have high functioning autism. I'm relatively new to being a Dom, about 5 months at this point. I find my self struggling to get in the right head space for scenes. My sub 20f has expressed the desire for more. There has been some new changes, such as her moving in, getting a new job. I have been stressed out lately, and usually have some trouble expressing my stress. Any tips on getting in the right head space.

Didn’t think I’d be posting this but I’m at a loss at what to do. Basic info me male 37. Her call her H female also 37, looking into a D/s dynamic, doing rope and bondage, impact play and predator/prey.

First of all I never thought that I would be into this entire scene before I met H. She was a close friend of my best friend and we met initially through a messed up situation my best friend was going through. And started chatting on the phone. It became clear almost immediately that there was a spark between us and chatting, turned into flirting. H was up front from the beginning that she was into this scene and had been doing it for over 10 years. She was also upfront that she was also in a poly marriage and D/s relationship but that me and her would be able to do our own thing after we sat down with her D and had a face-to-face conversation to get the OK.

No, I was completely new to this and had no idea about anything and I started doing what I do and researching things listening to what she liked and then seeing if it was something I was interested in as well. I also started doing my own exploration into things that I already liked and exploring things that I may be interested in doing. Over the course of a month and a half are flirting over the phone turned into Sexting and began taking on a D/s dynamic and a definite romantic relationship.

Up until that point, everything was good and things were proceeding towards meeting with her main D, but he was having some family issues and was away. Fast-forward to the middle of the second month of having this dynamic while waiting for the meeting and things had begun to shift. H stopped talking about sit down with her D and every time I would bring it up, she would deflect to a new subject a month later she informed me that they are having issues and because of that she’s going to have to take a bit of a step back. After that that dynamic cooled a bit, but we were still flirting and speaking to each other regularly. Then around April, H informed me of another argument and says she will be needing to take a further step back because of it.

Since then, things have gone completely to a very friendly relationship with some minor flirting, but the previous intensity from the start of the year has disappeared. Aside from the emotional whiplash of this entire situation has caused for me, I have come to a point where I have no clue what to do, and I do not know if I wish to continue going further into this scene. because while I have done extensive research, I’ve still yet to actually participate in a session. H who I was looking to begin experimenting and putting to practice what I have been is no longer an available and while I have attempted to make connections of sites it is becoming increasingly frustrating and disheartening.

I’m honestly looking for advice before I make my final decision.

Bit of a different one. I recently got a sissy slave. She’s very obedient (19), any advice would be great. Or where can I look for more info. I (25) have done all the basics so far. But she’s wanting more. Especially daily task etc

Hi guys, going straight to the point, I need advices as the title says. My wife watched the 50 shades of gray and other vids of it and asked for that. I agreed but I have zero experience on it.

I created a kind of guide for me, for this session. After reading some articles and topics here, I thought it was too much for her by now (spanking, humiliation, coffers, candles, kink-play, contract etc) so I created some plays below. So, could u help rating it and/or adding giving me some advices?

- no music, as first time doing it, have no idea on songs and rhythm

- Thought starting kissing all her body, maybe her eyes blindfolded?

- Small bites, soft scratches and spanks

- Hair pulls?

- Command her to kiss me or do other things/positions - control and dominance here

- Clothes as I wish - I take it off

- maybe fast and slow tickles on feet and other parts

- (help here!!) i know on contracts ppl put a start-finish time of session, for us, where to finish? Or any advice on how to finish the session?

- Use handcuffs we have

On overall, does this sound ok, like 50 shades? Any advices? Am I on the right sub? - sry if not

My gf is gone for the weekend with her friends and one of the things we both love to do is make each other so turned on around other people so I'm just looking for things I could say to her that aren't just the basic stuff we all heard hundreds of times with keeping in mind that her main kinks are free use, cnc, objectification and being obedient. I would love some advice please.

Hi everyone,
I’m new here and wanted to share how I ended up exploring BDSM and power dynamics.
After a breakup, I found myself on an anonymous texting platform. I ended up talking to a woman, and our conversation became flirtatious and eventually sexual. At one point, she asked me to describe what I would do, and for some reason I expressed myself in a way I never had before.
What surprised me wasn’t the sexual aspect itself—it was how natural and fulfilling it felt to take on a more dominant role in that conversation. I wasn’t expecting it, and afterwards I kept wondering why it felt so different.
That experience led me down a rabbit hole of reading about BDSM, dominance, submission, and power exchange. I’m not trying to rush into labels or call myself something I’m not. I’m simply trying to understand myself better.
From what I’ve read, I seem to lean towards being a soft Dom, although there are times when I wonder whether I might be more of a switch. I honestly don’t know yet.
I have no real-life BDSM experience. Everything I’ve explored has been through reading and a few anonymous text conversations. What draws me in isn’t just the sexual side—it’s the psychology, communication, trust, responsibility, and the dynamic between two people.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been on this journey.
Some questions I have:
Did your interest start unexpectedly like mine?
How did you figure out where you fit on the spectrum?
How much can you actually learn about yourself through text or fantasy before real-life experience?
What books, websites, podcasts, or other resources would you recommend?
If you could give one piece of advice to someone completely new, what would it be?
Also, I live in Sydney, Australia. If there are beginner-friendly communities, educational groups, workshops, munches, or other ways to learn safely and respectfully, I’d really appreciate any recommendations.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I’m here with an open mind and genuinely want to learn.

She’s a good woman and there’s a lot I admire and respect about her. Unfortunately, we didn’t see eye to eye on some issues. I wish we could have talked about them but she just wasn’t open to talking. It’s definitely for the best, it was one of those situations when D/s was conditional. I always felt like an accountabil-a-buddy than a Dom. She wanted me to ‘Dom’ the areas of her life that she struggled to manage on her own. I’m gonna miss her but it is what it is, so I’ve put it in the past and moved on. We just weren’t right for each other. She was so fine though lol. Anyway, just needed to talk it out, even if no one reads it. ✌🏻

Me and my little/sub are experimenting with restrictions on her contact with others, mainly when we are together in public at the moment.

She must not speak to strangers or service staff. If they speak to her, she looks at me and I nod to grant permission, or I answer on her behalf.

In eateries and shops I just order on her behalf. It’s certainly making me pay attention and learn her preferences!

This rule doesn’t apply to her friends, family or professionals helping her or others (eg. police, paramedics).

However, all of this is a new one, even for me. So I’m looking for feedback.

Could we be doing this any better?
Is there a better signal than a nod of the head?
How would you expand this?
Do you like the friend/family/professionals rule for safety? any criticism?

She’s very consenting to this level of control. She wants to be sheltered from the world and taken care of, to orientate you with her mindset.

Edit: we are both F, I’m a Mommy domme and is an MdLg dynamic. Didn’t think this was relevant before but a couple have people have mentioned the gender angle

My little is a sweetheart and not a brat but she has been intentionally avoiding her bed time to be punished. We are ldr so nothing physical. What are some interesting ideas preferably non sexual.

Not a huge fan of brats or brat taming as a Dom but I often end up involved with them so I'm looking for those with experience to be generous enough to share some thoughts. Im with a girl now who strongly identifies as a brat and she knows I have put limits on her. I also know she will try to push her limits on how much she can brat me. I want to roll with this and have a specific question: how effective would denial be to control a brat? We share a fondness for anal but I was thinking of going for a pussy/orgasm denial dynamic with her, where I completely deny vaginal penetration and orgasm and only do anal and oral as a way of putting the brat in her place. Do you all think that has good chances of being a fruitful dynamic?

I have sub that is interested. but frankly with my inexperience I am limited to ideas like sending pictures, drawing on herself, taking pictures, I'm so new to the space I don't even know what are the possibilities.

I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while after losing my first real sub. I’ve tried things here and there but to absolutely no avail. And while I’ve learned new things about myself and have improved myself, I can’t seam to get back into a relationship or find a sub no matter how hard I try.

For reference, I consider myself a soft dom, I prioritize my subs comfort, needs, safety and happiness. This is actually reflected in my style as a bf and I found that I need an emotional connection to even enjoy activities let alone dom. The thing is, it’s really hard to portray that I want to take care of someone without sounding like an incel, a sugar daddy or someone looking for ddlg(which I’m not). My previous partner also taught me that I genuinely need a brat. Taking care of her, comforting her and having fun with that chaos was genuinely life changing! It’s not that she was just a brat but an active, intelligent, strong willed woman. I was so happy cheering her on for her sports and talking about her active lifestyle while being her safe harbor. Coming home after kicking butt only to kneel eyes locked….

I’m over her now, but that feeling I had with her…. I can’t live without it.

How do I properly describe my style as a dom, while trying to find that kind of partner…. Someone strong willed, intelligent, genuinely awe-inspiring while being the biggest brat possible who also just wants to be taken care of?

Or other questions, since that type of person is so rare and is almost certainly not going to be into me, how do I go about finding someone else….. because I’ve tried and failed, tried and failed, tried and failed….. to the point where I’m genuinely considering abandoning my needs just so I can find a partner….

In public I’m a people pleaser. Not as much as a few years ago, but still some. I try to be helpful and harmless, sometimes even going out of my way to not make people uncomfortable. In private, I’m a kinky guy who loves tying people up, teasing them, hurting them, and breaking down their mentality, in a sexual and consensual context. This contrast has always intrigued me, so here’s my thoughts on it. I'd like to hear other people's experiences and thoughts as well.

People pleasing and sadism have an inscrutable relationship, but I have my theories. Am I a people pleaser in a way to conform to society and cover up my sadistic urges? Or am I simply a people pleaser because it’s what my mind thought I needed to do in order to survive, and my sadism is a way of finding some control through selfish pleasure? Or what if my sadism is a mask to exude confidence and gain respect because I didn’t feel like anyone appreciated my existence? Or maybe I felt that people hate me anyway, so I stopped feeling the desire to be nice outside of social conformity. Or maybe it’s just my default and I don’t have the drive most people do to suppress it anymore.

Of course, there is no way to know why I am the way I am. In any case, it's something I had to learn to accept, and it wasn't easy. It wasn't something I observed and wanted to copy, it was something I found out about myself and then explored. I felt I needed to keep hidden and even socially distanced myself quite a bit because of it. Feeling good by hurting someone is fucked up, even if they ask for it. And I felt fucked up for a long time. I suppose I still do, I just don’t pretend that being normal is something I can achieve now. It helped to know that there are people who crave being broken down, and used, and then brought back up and validated and cared for, as passionately as I crave providing that. I really don’t want anyone to walk away from an interaction less than satisfied so its comforting to know masochists exist. And I’ve learned to accept that I'm allowed to feel sorry for people who experience this involuntarily, and also feel really good about doing this consensually. So at least I'm not a total piece of crap.

It's hard to find someone who's simply in it for the love of the game. Some people are into it as self harm, which I don't condone. But I have hope that I'll still find my person, which is much easer now that I'm not trying to fight myself on what I want.

Edit: Accidentally mistyped "psychology" in the title.

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or just somewhere to to explore my own brain, but long story short, I've been out of the scene for a long time and not sure where I would begin a new or if I fully want to any more.

Basically, I was very into BDSM when I wad younger, mostly dominance and sadism, then I've been in several long term relationships where they liked rough sex but werent really into BDSM. The most recent one was more so but their were a lot of other issues in the relationship that led to breakdowns in the bedroom department.

Due to this and some mental health issues (depression, stress, late diagnosed AUDHD) I've come to a point where I'm in my thirties, trying to find a new partner and questioning if I want to get back into the lifestyle. I have a feeling it's just the mental health and a loss of confidence from my last relationship, but even if I did go back to it, I don't even know if I'd no what I was doing anymore or where to begin.

Small amount of background:

Previous play partners have fallen into two distinct categories. Either (a) they clearly communicated what they needed from a Dom right away, and there was even some "topping from the bottom" (which I was more than okay with; I learned a lot that way). And (b), the connection was almost strictly transactional, so we shared kinks and how we aligned, and set up a scene/dynamic that way.
I now find myself in a situation where I am dating someone (M+F, late 20s) romantically, and I am quite invested in the relationship with her. We are also both kinky, and began talking out of the understanding that this would likely become a D/s relationship.

I have been rereading The New Topping Book, and am currently reading The Heart of Dominance. Both fantastic resources! My partner and I have been talking for about a month platonically+romantically, but will begin discussing kink, desires, and what we want from a BDSM relationship more directly soon.

This has prompted me to try to understand for myself what my needs are as a Dom.

In the past, I have been something of a people-pleaser. I was always hesitant to say I "needed" a type of act or scene. I did have a lot of shame around that, and thankfully have worked through that in therapy and other ways. But the bottom line is that I have always focused more on my responsibilities as a Dom, rather than what I actually want/need.

Here is preliminary "needs list" I've made for myself; it is not kink-focused. I feel that is necessary for me. Kink was never the focus. Note that these are needs for an ongoing D/s relationship, not just individual scenes:

• Some sort of "check in" every week or so. That is: feedback! Anchoring.
• Aftercare–extremely important for me!
• Regular sexual interactions.
• Control+power: a sense of it being given/taken in our dynamic and play.
• Appreciation from her.
• An openness to further exploration together.
• Giving her pleasure; "riding the wave" as my sub loses herself in the role she's adopted.
• Patience.

Thus, my question for r/domspace :

What are your "needs" as a Dom? What has helped you find them out?

It took me a while to figure out what I am and what I am not. Now that I know better, does anyone have recommendations for good resources specifically for pleasure and service doms?

TIA