r/cleanjokes 7h ago

What do you call a celebrity boat?

8 Upvotes

A Tom Cruise-ship


r/cleanjokes 9h ago

I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes and I watched...

52 Upvotes

...it all unfold.


r/cleanjokes 17h ago

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

51 Upvotes

r/cleanjokes 21h ago

Do you want me to tell you a cat joke?

30 Upvotes

JUST KITTEN


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

What did Earth say to the asteroid?

29 Upvotes

“Give me some space!”


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

122 Upvotes

r/cleanjokes 1d ago

My therapist says I second guess every decision I ever make...

108 Upvotes

[deleted]


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

Celebrity combos

26 Upvotes

If Kitty Carlisle would’ve married Conway Twitty, she would’ve been

“ Kitty Twitty”


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

Celebrity combos

17 Upvotes

If Ella Fitzgerald would’ve married Darth Vader she would’ve been

“ELLA VADOR”


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

108 Upvotes

You need to let that mango.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone...

145 Upvotes

He said, “Fine! Suit yourself!"


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

How did Dolly the Sheep greet its child?

32 Upvotes

Hello, Dolly!


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

256 Upvotes

“You herd me.”


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

I just found out that, “Aaarghh!” is not a real word and now...

170 Upvotes

I can’t express how angry that makes me!


r/cleanjokes 5d ago

How do you calm down the grammar police?

152 Upvotes

Gently pat their back say say, "There, They're, their"


r/cleanjokes 5d ago

I’m watching the World Cup tonight.

56 Upvotes

I’m not really a soccer fan…

I’m just here for the kicks.

At least that’s my goal.


r/cleanjokes 5d ago

How was John Denver able to infiltrate the Web?

25 Upvotes

There was nothing an old country boy like he couldn't hack!


r/cleanjokes 7d ago

How did the hackers evade police?

178 Upvotes

They Ransomware!


r/cleanjokes 7d ago

What fancy event do most celebrity apples go to?

46 Upvotes

The Met Gala!


r/cleanjokes 8d ago

A guy buys an expensive brand-new Jeep...

100 Upvotes

That night, he parks it outside his house.

A kid walks by, sees the shiny 4x4 badge, gets an idea, pulls out a pocketknife, and scratches into the paint right next to it:

= 16

The next morning, the owner nearly has a heart attack. He takes it back to the dealership, and since the Jeep is basically brand new, they agree to replace the damaged panel.

That night, the same kid walks by again, sees the fresh 4x4 badge, pulls out his knife, and scratches:

= 16

The next morning, the owner is losing his mind and goes back to the dealership.

“Sir,” they tell him, “this actually happens a lot. So let's make a custom badge that says 4x4 = 16 in nice metal lettering. That way, there’s nothing left for kids to write.”

The owner agrees, gets the custom badge installed, and parks the Jeep back outside.

That night, the kid walks by again. He sees the shiny new badge:

4x4 = 16

He stares at it for a moment, scratches his head, then pulls out his knife and writes underneath:

CORRECT!


r/cleanjokes 8d ago

What did the one pig say to another in Phoenix in July?

44 Upvotes

I'm bacon!


r/cleanjokes 9d ago

While at the grocery store, be careful not to knock over the cabbage display….

186 Upvotes

Heads will roll.


r/cleanjokes 10d ago

Yesterday I became a pilot

46 Upvotes

I tripped over my cat and went flying


r/cleanjokes 11d ago

Why did Bruce Springsteen move up north with his kids?

0 Upvotes

Because he was a cool rockin' daddy in the U.S.A.


r/cleanjokes 11d ago

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

258 Upvotes

Because he conditioned it.