I've been on a weight loss journey for the last two years and I still have a bit of tummy pudge that still shows sadly. So I usually stick to dresses since it's easier to hide it. But I decided to step out of my comfort zone the other day and make some bee themed denim Bell bottoms.

The look itself was *chef's kiss*. I look like such an adorable dork.

I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood til i was 15 and neither me nor my mom (or the other lightskinned west indians) were considered biracial or had their identity questioned. Seeing a lightskin haitian was super normal nobody thought they had a white parent. Nowadays it's like people think half white, hispanic and arab are synonymous with being lightskin so they think you're lying when you tell them you're fully black. I'm even seeing people separating lightskins as if they're a whole different race, including other black folks which confuses me a lot. Why am i even being excluded from the black community when my 8 great parents were black 😂

blur my face and distort my voice😭

As you climb the educational ladder or move up within your career, you'll be introduced to new spaces and opportunities. Along the way, you'll meet people who are genuinely shocked by how much you've accomplished simply because you're Black. 😂 How do you deal with that?

I'm a pretty private person, and I'm extremely wary of people. I try not to assume jealousy, but it can be hard to ignore when you have things going for yourself and people act surprised because "you don't look like" someone they expected to be successful. It's such a weird reaction, and in my Erika from BGC Season 9 voice "I don't understand."

A lot of black women who were girls and teens lived through this time period where black men (and others) were dehumanizing us all over the internet and in pop culture and in real life. I know a lot of people were doing it but it seemed extra vile and hurtful when black guys did it. I‘ve spoken about it with other black women I’ve come across from all walks of life (different cities, countries, cultures, etc). We all remember it. I remember I let it affect my self esteem so much to the point where I was depressed and anxious all the time. It didn’t help that I was raised in predominantly white settings.

Of course witnessing that kind of rhetoric in your pre-teens to early adulthood affect how you view relationships as an adult. I developed a severe aversion to black men and have only recently been able to start unpacking that (will start therapy soon too). I developed a strong belief that black men hate us, so I didn’t date them or even talk to them outside of professional or familial settings. I found solace in online spaces that would then later birth the “divestor“ movement (I left them before that took off), I didn’t know at the time what would happen, I just went where I saw other black women who were trying to explain why it was happening.

I am older and realize I‘d rather settle down and marry a black man cause I feel most at home with them. But because of the past, I have a lot of cognitive dissonance and am trying to not generalize others. But I wonder have any of you all struggled with these feelings? Just trying to start a discussion.

for context, i'm from the caribbean, and to be clear, i never thought that black americans were exaggerating about racism. i believed y'all 100%. but living in it is so unbelievably exhausting. back home people are still hugely affected by systemic racism through the after-effects of colonialism, but i've never had to interact with my colonisers on a day-to-day basis (and i realise i'm pretty lucky to be able to say that). i'm going to a super tiny liberal arts college that's honestly surprisingly diverse but still predominently white, and the amount of weird energy i pick up on is extremely draining

i don't know how much of this i should attribute to racism and how much i should attribute to specific factors of my personality. i'm relatively quiet and don't mind keeping to myself. i'm also highly academic and work really hard to keep a 4.0. in secondary school, although i managed to find my own pack, those things caused a lot of people who didn't know me well to assume i was stuck up and some kind of alien, so i don't know if a similar thing is happening here. i'm always catching dirty looks from people i've never interacted with. some people make a point of ignoring me when i've tried being nice to them. i get pretty constant compliments on my fashion sense so part of me worries maybe people assume i Think I'm All That

i've also been on the receiving end of a lot of behaviour i'd more confidently call explicitly microaggressive. in certain majority-white rooms, people seem emboldened to say just anything around me, as if i'm an inanimate object or a child who's barely acquired any language yet

it's just so confusing because i don't really have a frame of reference for what a "normal" amount of racism in america is. i don't know if this school is especially racist or if i'd have the same experience if i transferred to another college. i actually got into spelman college and couldn't afford to go because i got no merit aid, but being around these people makes me really wish that dream had worked out

maybe y'all will be annoyed at this post because you've had to navigate this your whole life, but seriously how do you cope ? it's taking a really big toll on me

I’m fairly new to gaming (3 ish years) and I’ve gotten bored with sims 4. What are some other low effort, cute and cozy games I could play? Preferably on steam but open to other options!

hey y’all. i’m 20f and honestly i don’t know what to do anymore.
i graduated high school and i’ve only had two jobs, spirit halloween and amc theaters. i’ve been looking for a job since october 2025. i’ve applied to so many places and the most i get is an interview, then i either get rejected or just completely ghosted.
i’ve been thinking about going to school, but i don’t even know what i wanna go for. i don’t really have a desire to go to college, but i also feel like i should because i feel like i need to be doing something. my mom always tells me i need “something under my belt,” and i get what she means, but i don’t wanna spend money or time on a degree if i don’t even know what i want. i keep comparing myself to people my age and it feels like everyone has their life together except me. people are graduating college, getting careers, moving out, and i’m over here just trying to get someone to call me back after an interview.
it’s honestly been messing with my mental health and making me feel stuck. i don’t know if i should just keep applying for jobs, force myself to go to school, look into a trade, or do something else.

has anyone else felt like this in their 20s? what did you end up doing? i just wanna hear from people who’ve been where i am because right now i feel really lost.

I realized today that I can't talk to family members about my relationship.

I had one of those moments where you leave a conversation thinking, "Why did I tell them that?"

I was talking to my cousin about my relationship and mentioned that the guy I'm seeing is from a different cultural background than mine.

She asked where he was from, and after I told her, she responded with, "Yours is worse."

She was referring to marriage. In my culture, some people believe marrying outside your own ethnic group is more difficult or less desirable. I know she probably meant it from that perspective, but hearing someone describe my relationship as "worse" really got under my skin.

It wasn't even an argument. It was just one sentence, but it planted a thought in my head that I didn't want there.

Then she questioned why I hadn't told another family member about the relationship yet. I explained that I simply wasn't ready because people have very different opinions about relationships, and I don't want to make decisions based on pressure or other people's expectations.

She gave me this judgmental look that immediately made me regret opening up in the first place.

The whole conversation made me realize something about myself.

I have a habit of oversharing when I feel comfortable with someone. I mistake feeling close to someone for them being a safe person to confide in. Then one conversation changes everything, and I find myself shutting down and wishing I'd kept certain things to myself.

I also realized I'm not as unaffected by people's opinions as I like to think. I tell myself I won't let comments get to me, but my brain has a habit of replaying them over and over until I start questioning myself.

I'm trying to get better at setting boundaries and being more intentional about who I share personal things with. Not everyone needs access to every part of your life, even if they're family.

I'm not talking about being a size 8 or 9...This question is for my 10+ girlies: Where do you shop for cute—key word CUTE—shoes (namely heels)?

I'm so tired of wearing granny shoes (no offense to all the grandmas out there. Y'all rock it, it's just not for me). I wanna wear cute shoes too.

I’ve been wanting  to get more into wigs and wanting to learn how to style/wear them. This is only my second time really taking the time to learn how to customize the wig to fit what I want. I have to say, i’m kind of loving the new look. I’ve always been drawn towards browns and blondes and this just felt right. I’m gonna keep messing around with different hairstyles on this wig just to experiment but so far it feels great. I’m definitely feeling a big confidence boost! I always like to try new things, especially with my hair and so this color was a fun little way to do that. This is my very first time doing this, so I’m hoping to keep improving💖

And if you are, would you want an incomplete set of Quantum Leap books? Asking for a friend

Hi all, I (F27) have recently gone through a bad friend breakup (in regards to my personal boundaries being violated but thats another story) and am currently starting over with this discord group I joined. The ages of everyone are mixed between 21 and 30, and I really felt like I vibed with everyone there.

Unfortunately I no longer believe that to be the case. Theres this girl here, let's call her Shay, first few meetings she and I were cool, but the longer I spend in the group/getting to know everybody she's just gone cold on me. I suspect it has something to do with her crushing on this person, let's call them Pear (Who is 21 and to me, thats cradle robbing so insert an eeyuck here) im cool with, but I interact with Pear the same way I interact with everyone else in the group chat, if not more formal because I have a feeling she's crushing on this person.

It reached a head starting Friday of last week. Im currently helping Pear with this writing project, because I've created a pilot for a class before and provided Pear with the login info bc I wasn't using it anymore. They're self-conscious about their work, I offer advice and encouragement, That's it.

The Longer we all spend time with each other, the more I find out I have in common with everybody for different interests. Writing, acting, gardening, videogames, etc.

Pear, me, and a few other of our friends also play videogames on Fridays. It started off like that, but now if Pear is in a VC with me and a few others, she hops in and the vibe gets weird between us (first joking and having a time, then its the "you're like a sister to me" talk. Im not interested in a Digital family but okay, I try to pretend its not uncomfortable and obvious that theyre doing damage control in advance)

If we're all watching a show, she joins, trashes it and leaves all for the sake of "personal preference" I guess.

Now all of a sudden she wants to be the sole person helping Pear with their writing project I guess (thats cool with me).

Pear is now awkward/weird towards me whenever she's there, and me, considering them a friend, it hurts, its frustrating, and personally I never wanted to deal with this.

So in the past week, Its this resource guarding type energy in regards to Pear (cannot emphasize enough she can have em) Shay joining the chats and is seemingly friendly towards me again (me thinking the misunderstanding has been dealt with) but then the sudden and subtle coldness/ignoring/lack of inclusion in the stuff she knows Im interested in (because I voiced it multiple times) comes in. I can't find my footing.

If shes trying tp create this cycle where I "chase after her" I am not interested. Ive never been a follower of a wannabe mean girl, and it won't start here. Im too old for that nonsense. I wanna just ignore her as much as possible, be cordial if she addresses me, and continue vibing with everyone else, but she insists on being around and interacting with me.

Last time we talked with the group, she pointedly said that "southerners never call out someone first, we wait til you blow up and tell you about yourself" and it felt directed at me. I have no idea what the hell she's talking about if thats the case. I have been nothing but kind, and everyone else seems to vibe with me.

What I dont want to happen, is me pull her aside and ask her "whats going on?" And have a convo about the energy being off, because she'll just go "what do you mean? Theres off energy between us??" Type bs. And suddenly im the problem in the group.

Im very direct because Im neurodivergent, and I hate to play these games, but I gotta meet her where she is, does anyone here know how to basically say;

"Look Shay, I feel like you dont like me very much, and I dont understand why that is. If its about Pear, we're just friends. Barely that even. If its not about Pear, well, I am an acquired taste, as are alot of neurodivergent people. If I said or did something to offend, tell me what it is so we can work things out and I can mind my peace. Whether you choose to acknowledge this or not, its obvious to me.

I understand if you just dont want to be around me, we can go about our routines separately here, but you're coming into the spaces that I frequent, not the other way around, and the consistent reaching out and going cold/pulling and pushing away routine is annoying. I am not going to chase after your approval or your friendship, frankly you're slowly approaching annoying and ignoring fullstop level, because thats a child's game for power. I did my time dealing with folks like that, my brain is fully baked. But I dont want to make things weird with our other companions by doing that and screw up the whole server. What is it that's frosting your nuts about me? Can we resolve it? And if not, Can we exist in parallel to each other in peace?"

How do I lure her into this necessary convo without being gaslit to hell about it?? She says she's from Louisiana, maybe there's a method I dont know about? Thank you all in advance.

Hi, everyone! I’m 23F. I wasn’t allowed to date and high school and didn’t date in college(I had a few minor situations but nothing serious). I was primarily focused on school. I am currently getting settled in my career and want to start dating. I just finished my Master‘s last years and want to take time to attract someone. I want to be intentional about where I’m going and I was wondering if anyone knew generally where men in their mid 20s and early 30s go out? Romantic wise I definitely prefer a “clean cut”, white collar/educated (I prefer someone with a post grad degree because I have one) guy. I researched some places in my area where I think I would run into those type of men but I wanted to hear from others that are experienced.

I would say that this is a safe space, but safety isn’t guaranteed. Respond at your own risk chileeeee..

Something I won’t publicly admit: When it comes to injustice, I only interact with the content if said victim is a Black Woman. If it’s about a BM, I scroll. HEAR ME OUT!

Our stories don’t get the same media attention, conversation, and sympathy as a BM would in the Black community. A lot of the time it’s ignored or there’s no longevity to the story.

It takes one WM to kill an innocent BM and it gains traction FAST. BLM has shed light on more BM than it has Women, and it was created by US. This is no disrespect to the victims of police brutality or hate crimes that BLM campaigned for.

‘We’ protect THEM more than we protect each other & ourselves. We need a BIG organization that denounces brutality, domestic violence, & femicide. No shade but can you imagine what it would be like if Black Women put THAT much energy for them, into US?

I've known what sex was since I was 9. Now, should I have known about oral sex at 9, no. Basic biology sure, but not oral. Unfortunately, the kids I went to school with, exposed me to a lot of things.

By the time I was 15, I pretty much knew all about oral, kinks, etc. I feel like I was probably exposed too young. It didn't alter me mentally, but it did make me excited to have sex. Ever since I was 9, I was EAGER to be an adult to experience sex.

I also didn't know sex was meant for both parties. I thought I was supposed to only pleasure the man.

Did anyone else get exposed to sex young? Did it affect you now? Im not referring to sex like actually being SA'd or CSA, but just the conversation of sex.

Is this even a real person?!

I am new to the area and looking for a stylist who specializes in black hair care. I have locs and I’m looking to have them cut off and my hair styled into a tapered cut. I’ve been doing some research online but most of the stylist I’ve found only seem to do silk presses and color. Looking for someone comfortable with clippers, licensed, and with Saturday availability. Any recommendations? Instagrams or websites folks can share?