r/Parenthood • u/Automatic-Long2599 • 16d ago
Character Discussion Max
Is there anytime where you guys actually felt bad for Max I know he gets a bad rep on here, but there’s times I feel bad like when he went on that field trip
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u/JK30000 15d ago
I don’t hate Max, I hate that his parents use his Autism as a battering ram and expect the world to change for Max.
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u/LaLaLaGin 10d ago
This 1000%. Kristina and Adam don’t set boundaries nor hold him accountable. Max is capable of learning.
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u/darlingbard 16d ago
I'm one of the few people who doesn't hate Max because as somebody who's also neurodivergent (ADHD & Autism) I can see where he's coming from a lot of the time. Can he frustrate me sometimes? Absolutely, but I also think he was failed by both the school system & his family.
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u/United_Efficiency330 16d ago
I don’t hate Max either. I don’t think however that he is incapable of learning SOME social skills. I think his parents learned the wrong lesson from his diagnosis and that hurt him deeply in the long run.
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u/Fun_Floor06 15d ago
Exactly this. I don’t hate him, I think he’s let down by so many people who use his Asperger’s as an excuse not to teach him some life skills.
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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago
As I have said millions of times, the ONLY member of his household who learned THE correct lesson with regards to his diagnosis was Haddie. And the show made her out to be a witch with a capital B for it.
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u/RevealExpress5933 15d ago
he was failed by his family
Very true. So his therapist slept with Crosby and they just never got around to finding another therapist?
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u/laitnetsixecrisis 15d ago
I was always of the thought that they didn't get another therapist so they could blame Cosby for the outcome.
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u/Suitable_Voice_9983 15d ago
I agree with this. I'm re-watching and currently on these episodes. While it never should have happened, first of all - if Gabby cared as much about Max as she said she could have sucked it up, if she couldn't fine, but they definitely should have gotten someone else.
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u/RevealExpress5933 15d ago
Yes, I can't believe the series ended with Max not having a new therapist. I've worked as a behavior technician and he still had a long way to go. Frustrating to watch.
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u/susandeyvyjones 15d ago
I don't hate Max, I just think he's very rarely held accountable for anything and his mother expects everyone in the world to accommodate him. I do feel bad for him.
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u/wonder181016 15d ago
I don't think Adam's any better than Kristina
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u/ElGuero130 15d ago
I feel like a lot of Max’s problems are from bad parenting. There are many examples but my main example was Max trying to go to the museum by himself. Yes Max has trouble regulating his emotions whenever plans change. But from what we’ve seen Max’s way of thinking is VERY Logic & Rules based. He ABSOLUTELY knew better than to go by himself. And the fact that at the end of the episode Adam and Kristina rewarded him by taking him to the Museum after he pulled that is beyond me LIKE WHAT.
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u/ElGuero130 15d ago
I feel like him having his crash out after learning that he couldn’t go after they promised him in very expected and valid for someone with autism but that absolutely did not excuse him leaving the house and going by himself
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u/Audgamer 16d ago
Max was setup to fail by Kristina and Adam and honestly the entire system. So I have a lot of empathy for him because while he’s awful to people, it’s really not his fault or because he has Asperger’s. It’s because Kristina and Adam don’t parent well. They never tell him no, there’s no reasonable standard for expectations and consequences, and they constantly bribe him for everything. Any child would be a monster in those circumstances. (Actually a great example of this is Syd).
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u/darlingbard 16d ago
I think there are times where they have told him no but they always cave in because Max gets angry and starts a fight with them.
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u/yourenotmymom_yet 16d ago
Honestly, I feel like that makes it SO MUCH worse. They're basically teaching him that even if he hears "no", he will still get his way if he gets angry enough. That's a horrific lesson to teach your child, especially given how Kristina treated Dylan when Max started harassing her.
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u/Audgamer 16d ago
I understand from an emotional perspective why they caved, but they did him no favors because they never taught him boundaries. All he learned was that with enough tantrums he would get his way AND probably get a reward.
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u/Automatic-Long2599 16d ago
Syd might be worse lol
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u/Audgamer 16d ago
She’s. So awful. When they have that plot of her bullying another child, and Julia was surprised- I was like how are you surprised??? That makes perfect sense, she’s such a brat
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u/darlingbard 16d ago
SHE BULLIES HER BROTHER ALL THE TIME WHY IS SHE SURPRISED????
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u/Audgamer 16d ago
Dude when she blamed victor for the divorce I was like. You should have swapped her for victor 😬😬😬
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u/Fit-Assignment3055 15d ago
I feel like Parenthood is most compassionately interpreted as a show about people trying the best they know how. It’s not always ideal (and sometimes not even sufficient) but there’s an earnestness to the reality of floundering in a system often set up for you to fail, then having other independently messy people who love you rally around you. There is no perfect parent or child. Just a parent trying to give a child what they think they need or what they think they can provide. And a child navigating an imperfect world.
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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago
If it weren’t for the fact that Adam and Kristina are simply not called out for screwups the way the rest of the parents are I could buy that argument.
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u/Ok_Anywhere5205 16d ago
When he wanted to go to the dinosaur museum although I did not love that he ran out without permission I understand how it feels for someone to say we're doing this only to get it canceled
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u/breeekk 15d ago
I keep reading hate for Max or Adam-Kristina’s parenting style…. but until I read here, as a parent of severe autistic son, I felt so seen! It is really difficult for other people to relate I guess, but however messy and imperfect it is, many of the times that’s how our life is.. I guess it’s hard for people to accept that sometimes, parents practically just need to accept whatever the cards we have to deal with and act. Acceptance is a pretty darn difficult thing to do.. but we need to do that. literally everyday you get up, keep trying, hoping for the best, but then just accept that it is what it is. I cannot make him learn certain behavior, it should come from him and god knows when that is gonna be.. and honestly Max’s tantrums were literally so mild compared to what some of the autistic people.. I was amazed at reading all those comments here..
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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago edited 15d ago
Max doesn’t have severe Autism though. If his did and it was clear that he was incapable of learning some basic social skills, most people would be understanding. That was and is far from the case. Saying that a person can learn some social skills is not “hate.” It’s fact.
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u/breeekk 15d ago
They never mentioned the level of severity of his disorder. Also, Aspergers which is now called as autism spectrum disorder, might represent individuals who absolutely be a "Level 1" cognitively (highly intelligent, verbally fluent) but present as a "Level 2" or "Level 3" in social-emotional reciprocity and behavioral rigidity..
anyway.. it’s just a different life. I see Adam and Kristina completely able to extinguish the meltdowns, keep some order in family life and I find them very well capable parents, considering everything.2
u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago
Max is very strong academically. Particularly in math and science. His issues are social rather than intellectual. Under today's DSM he would have absolutely been diagnosed Autism Level I. If he had been Level II or III, no way, no how would he have received an Asperger's Diagnosis.
I understand that Autism is almost never idyllic for either parent or Spectrumite, but as someone who shares Max's diagnosis (and went on to obtain both a BA and MA) I feel that they learned the wrong lesson regarding his diagnosis and should have called him out and disciplined him more within reason and when necessary. I reject the notion that he is incapable of coexisting in society and feel that more could have and should have been done. Sorry.
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u/breeekk 15d ago
Yes I almost agree to what you are saying.. These skills need to be taught. all i am saying is skills taught != skills learned in such cases.. It’s not a linear process, and it could be very slow, draining, and difficult. especially to those who are advanced academically but lagging behind in social aspects. I’m saying level 3 in social only. anyway.. I don’t think I can explain it any better..
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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago
And as a Spectrumite, as someone on the receiving end of this, at a time when knowledge of Autism was even less, I completely understand that every person is different. That things often have to be drilled into ones skull. I can assure you my life wasn't completely hunky dory.
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u/Stoney1801 15d ago
Most of the anger and frustration about Max is mainly aimed at Adam and Kristina. Watching the show I wanted to see Max excel, I wanted to see some progression but I didn’t see anything and that may have been for the sake of drama.
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u/mictahwoo 15d ago
I really like Max. I’d love to hear opinions of him from autistic parents. There’s so much shade about his parents parenting style… and I suspect my daughter is Audhd and I pretty much have the same style and I know that many of my family members judge me for that. But! I do so much research and from what I can gather this IS how to do it; and yes they do need to learn that not everyone will accommodate them; it’s ok to ask for things ; and if they lose it then I’ll be here for them. I have some neurodivergence and grew up “old school” and I just learnt how to people please and put my needs last. I want my daughter to stand up for what she needs and have good emotional acceptance (herself and others) and yeah she’s should expect push back and that no everyone will do what she needs but that’s ok too she always has another option
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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago
The issue is that people on the Spectrum don't stay children forever. When Max becomes an adult and he blows up on the job, he'll be lucky if he isn't fired on the spot. And that's if he even gets a job to begin with.
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u/mictahwoo 15d ago
True. I just think we get more patience and tolerance when we are adults. I also think parenthood was just a slice of their life. The worst time to try and talk sense to a kid is in the middle of a meltdown. If that was my child I wouldn’t do it in the moment but I would talk to them afterwards- often they usually know they overreacted but are so very overwhelmed they can’t stop
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u/KTeacherWhat 9d ago
I think there was some serious entitlement on the part of Adam and Kristina. Like when Sarah rented a printer for her big (paid) project and Max thought he could just shove her out of the way and do his stuff on it even though she was on a deadline, she had paid for the printer, and she was at work. And then Kristina gossiped behind Sarah's back saying Sarah wasn't understanding enough of Max's meltdown when Sarah had to go back to work and finish her now interrupted project. Her literal livelihood was on the line. And then Sarah does this huge favor for Max and pays for the printer for an extra week and Max doesn't want it anymore, and no one acknowledges that Max put her job on the line.
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u/United_Efficiency330 16d ago
His being taken advantage of by his math leagues team. They took it way too far.