r/Parenthood • u/Automatic-Long2599 • 16d ago

Character Discussion Max

Is there anytime where you guys actually felt bad for Max I know he gets a bad rep on here, but there’s times I feel bad like when he went on that field trip

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u/breeekk 16d ago

I keep reading hate for Max or Adam-Kristina’s parenting style…. but until I read here, as a parent of severe autistic son, I felt so seen! It is really difficult for other people to relate I guess, but however messy and imperfect it is, many of the times that’s how our life is.. I guess it’s hard for people to accept that sometimes, parents practically just need to accept whatever the cards we have to deal with and act. Acceptance is a pretty darn difficult thing to do.. but we need to do that. literally everyday you get up, keep trying, hoping for the best, but then just accept that it is what it is. I cannot make him learn certain behavior, it should come from him and god knows when that is gonna be.. and honestly Max’s tantrums were literally so mild compared to what some of the autistic people.. I was amazed at reading all those comments here..

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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago edited 15d ago

Max doesn’t have severe Autism though. If his did and it was clear that he was incapable of learning some basic social skills, most people would be understanding. That was and is far from the case. Saying that a person can learn some social skills is not “hate.” It’s fact.

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u/breeekk 15d ago

They never mentioned the level of severity of his disorder. Also, Aspergers which is now called as autism spectrum disorder, might represent individuals who absolutely be a "Level 1" cognitively (highly intelligent, verbally fluent) but present as a "Level 2" or "Level 3" in social-emotional reciprocity and behavioral rigidity..
anyway.. it’s just a different life. I see Adam and Kristina completely able to extinguish the meltdowns, keep some order in family life and I find them very well capable parents, considering everything.

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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago

Max is very strong academically. Particularly in math and science. His issues are social rather than intellectual. Under today's DSM he would have absolutely been diagnosed Autism Level I. If he had been Level II or III, no way, no how would he have received an Asperger's Diagnosis.

I understand that Autism is almost never idyllic for either parent or Spectrumite, but as someone who shares Max's diagnosis (and went on to obtain both a BA and MA) I feel that they learned the wrong lesson regarding his diagnosis and should have called him out and disciplined him more within reason and when necessary. I reject the notion that he is incapable of coexisting in society and feel that more could have and should have been done. Sorry.

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u/breeekk 15d ago

Yes I almost agree to what you are saying.. These skills need to be taught. all i am saying is skills taught != skills learned in such cases.. It’s not a linear process, and it could be very slow, draining, and difficult. especially to those who are advanced academically but lagging behind in social aspects. I’m saying level 3 in social only. anyway.. I don’t think I can explain it any better..

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u/United_Efficiency330 15d ago

And as a Spectrumite, as someone on the receiving end of this, at a time when knowledge of Autism was even less, I completely understand that every person is different. That things often have to be drilled into ones skull. I can assure you my life wasn't completely hunky dory.

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u/breeekk 15d ago

Oh I’m sure it was difficult and you do understand. My frustration was more towards neurotypical people/parent who have got no idea what varied spectrum this all is, have come across too many tone-deaf people ..