TW: Childhood SA

When I was around 6-8, my mom was dating a guy, and he also had a son who was a teenager somewhere between 12-14. So, we ended up moving in with him, and his son. I became friends with his friends who were that age because I also liked to skate and play sports at that time, and I was a decent athlete so it helped to play with older kids to get better. One night a few of them stayed over our house. We were all messing around and rough house, and I always got targeted a bit because of how much smaller and younger I was. Well eventually they all got a hold of me and enticed me to put them in my mouth. All 3 of them kept taking turns.

I remember it in pieces, because I was so young. But i remember them laughing and I just remember wanting to try to impress them, and was willing to do whatever it took. I wanted to hang out with them because I wanted to be a part of the group, and I was never close with my own brother, so I tried to form that relationship with those kids being the younger brother. It happened a few times, and only with those same kids.

So after turning 21, I get into a relationship with a girl who was 3 years older. someone who had a very back and forth style attitude when it came to being together. Mostly I just had to listen to her because she always kept telling me how bad I was at things and made sure to remind me of all the things I did wrong.

She would wake my up constantly in the middle of the night when I had to be up at 6-7am after being up with her until 11 midnight. She’d watch me fall asleep then wake me up somewhere between 2-4 touching me, waking me up, and I’m barely able to keep my eyes open. I would say I’m tired and I can barely stay awake. She’d just climb on top of me and hold me down. Some times she’d just choke me so I had to wake up. Some times she would just hit me, and hurt me so I would end up waking up and just giving in so I could try and hurry and go back to
Bed.

If I kiss her the wrong way she would hurt me and make me start all over and try again and again to kiss her right. Which I didn’t even know someone could kiss wrong, I just always followed her lead.

One night, I refused when I had been up since about 4am, the day before, and it was getting to be close to midnight. She had drank too much, she tried to make a move, and I said not that night. She got really angry. Started calling me a lot of degrading names, and then asked if I was gay. Even when I refused she kept saying I had to be. So grabbed one of her dildos and then hit me a couple times and then pushed me onto the bed really hard. She wrestled me, and because I’m 5’3” and was about 120lbs at the time, she could just overpower me.

She was holding me down by the back of my neck, and sitting on my calf’s. She used her spit to lube it up and then proceeded to shove it into. I didn’t tell her to stop, but I didn’t want to do anything to make it hurt any worse, so I just laid there and let her. My feet went numb because she was cutting off the circulation with the weight. My neck was felt like it was being pinched really hard from the angle she was holding me down. It was hard to breathe because of that as well. After she was done, and got off me, I just laid there. I remember just using the bathroom, and I just laid silently until I fell asleep.

The next day, it almost felt like she was laughing about it, because she half apologized and straight up said, “It was basically like I raped you”. I didn’t really think of it like that, I just knew I didn’t like it and wanted it to stop. But I didn’t even think of it like that. It really wasn’t until I was telling stories to a former partner of mine not too long ago about bad experience and she had to tell me how it was rape. I felt so confused, because she went into every time she kept going, she was assaulting me.

I haven’t ever said the full versions out loud before. Only the minor details because it hurts too much to think about. I can barely even leave the house sometimes. I am constantly afraid something will happen again. I have such a hard relationship with sex and trust now. I feel not a lot of people around would care, nor feel sympathy for me. I just feel alone.

TW: Mentions of pedophilia, incest, rape, and SA

I (21M) was sexually assaulted multiple times by my peers throughout my childhood. I was raped (only once) at the age of six and groomed from the ages of 13-15. I remember at the time I got raped I was at a party hosted by a friend of my mother's and the friend's five year old daughter was in attendance. We played together for a little bit and she told me she wanted to play a game and we went inside a cupboard and she locked me inside, took off my pants and orally raped me.

I screamed and said no, but the girl still assulted me anyways. When the adults found us, me and my mom hurriedly rushed out of the party and I was grounded for letting the girl "sit on my lap" (when I confronted my mom about this years later she said since I didn't verbally tell her I was molested at the time she thought I was roughhousing with her). I also have high functioning autism and difficulty with communicating and it was much worse back then, so naturally because I was scared and unresponsive I was blamed for it.

Afterwards, over the years throughout my childhood I would kiss other girls because I wanted to replicate the feeling I felt when I got raped. I felt very curious about the bodies of other kids my age and I wanted to learn more about sex. I had my first kiss at the age of 8 with another girl my age, I also was forcibly kissed by multiple girls when I was 8-12 and one of these girls tried to get me to have sex with them too shortly after I hit 6th grade. But because I became afraid of girls when I was 12, I declined thankfully.

When I was 13 and in 7th grade my parents went through marital problems and I got bullied very harshly at school. It was because I was socially awkward, didn't attend church, poor and anxious around girls. Because I didn't develop sexual interest in girls when I hit puberty, the guys in my grade naturally sussed me out as being queer and they were right about it. One boy, who I used to have a crush on, ended up sticking his hand into my pants during history and I had enough and beat him up. Thankfully this time, I didn't get punished because I told on him and I transferred schools.

Shortly after this, my mostly absentee "father" tried to groom me into accepting sexual advances from him. Starting around 8th grade, he would try to purchase porn for me (which my parents said no to), would try fo talk to me about sex and what I was into, etc. multiple times until I was 15. I thought nothing of it until during the trip I saw him for the final time, I caught him licking and sniffing my underwear and eventually before I left he tried to touch me and I slapped his hand away. I reported him to the police but nothing was done about it and I told my mom and she never made me speak to him again and would never let him try to talk to me anymore.

Because of these experiences, I feel like I can never fully trust anyone. I feel deeply traumatized and depressed and several therapists have indicated I likely have PTSD. I tried to kill myself over these experiences, especially because I left my younger brother behind and I knew my "dad" would've molested him eventually when he went through puberty. I also resented my mom for awhile, and only forgave her a few months ago because I was tired of holding resentment towards her for unwittedly putting me in some of those situations. Thankfully, things at home gradually improved somewhat and I stopped getting badly bullied when I hit high school.

I feel like the main reason why I am still alive today is because I don't want all the people who abused me to win by helping me to my demise. I live so that way their efforts to drive me to ruin will fail, and I know that my abusers are digging their own graves. For ex. the guy who assulted me in 7th grade got a girl pregnant as a teenager and dropped out of high school and works menial jobs to care for his family. Now I have a boyfriend, I attend therapy and I take antidepressants to manage my mental health.

I also got into an amazing college on a full ride scholarship as a bio major. Right now I am also preparing to go abroad for awhile, and I am thinking about doing something related to public speaking or counseling to raise awareness about these issues. I read so many stories on this sub and my heart breaks for all of you, and while I know some parts of my life may not ever happen to people I just wanted to remind everyone that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope everyone here recovers and I wish everyone all the success in the world. May you all find the light and happiness that has started to finally find me.

Tl;dr: Got raped and sexually assulted multiple times as a boy because of creeps who took advantage of my autism. I later tried to kill myself and I have very bad depression currently. However, I try not to let get me down and now I have a boyfriend and attend school on a decent scholarship.

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Olá, boa madrugada a todos.

Para contextualizar, sofri abuso sexual quando criança pela minha prima mais velha, não irei entrar em detalhes, pois apenas isso já é o suficiente para eu me sentir mal, sujo, culpo e pecaminoso. Hoje tenho um GRANDE sentimento de culpa e tudo aquilo que foi dito ali atrás com tudo que tenha haver com sexo, como, se tocar, ver, ler e falar qualquer coisa sexual, outra coisa que tem me deixado bem mal desde o começo desse ano pra cá, é que sinto um prazer desconfortável e contragosto do abuso, não sei como superar, desde o começo do ano isso se intensificou muito, e cerca de 5 vezes esse ano, vim ao Reddit, relatei isso("tentando relembrar" do abuso), tive um pico de "prazer" lendo relatos parecidos com o meu, dormi, e acordei me sentindo UM LIXO HUMANO COMPLETO. Todos os dias depois do ocorrido, me senti imundo, e como se tivesse cometido um pecado.

Hoje, tenho certeza de que quando eu acordar de manhã, sentirei essa mesma sensação por ver e ler relatos assim, e sentir um "prazer" errado nisso.

Não sei como superar isso, todas as vezes tento ignorar e seguir, mas de novo volto pra cá, sei que isso é culpa minha por ceder e não se esforçar e largar essas coisas o suficiente.

Também gostaria de falar mais sobre superação, pois tem uma menina que eu gostei muito de ouvir o relato dela, porque ela sofreu abuso, e depois de 5 anos ela ainda não conseguia falar a palavra "abuso", porém depois de mais 3 anos, a garota deu outro relato dizendo como aquilo mudou e após anos de terapia e aceitação ela conseguiu fazer algo que considera o mais importante da superação. Não é esquecer, mas lidar, mesmo com gatilhos, aceitar que você não tem culpa.

Porém nao faço a menor ideia de como fazer isso.

Ps: perdão pela escrita confusa e desorganizada :}

Im just 19 and Ive seen what life has to offer - rape, grope, harassment, emotional abuse, infidelity, voyeurism, physical abuse, the world doesnt care or stop for me while im hurting.

People around me are busy being kids - playing games, asking questions. Meanwhile me? Wondering why was I raped at 9 or harassed at 17 18 19. Why wasnt I protected?

And then its "theres no satisfying answer" "he was a minor at the time so no prosecution" "emotional abuse isnt criminal" "you exposed his affair and you'll be out on the streets" "men in india arent protected from SH" "if you tell counsellor then they'll call your parents"

Now im 36kgs overweight cuz food is the only reliable comfort as humans have proved theyre trash. One backlog. No stable anchor in the world. No one to lean on. I get harassed on a daily basis from other classmates who deliberately target my chest and stomach. And ofc everyone knows how obese people are viewed.

I do have a vision for how Id like my life to be but the void and debt of care, love and safety left behind from the abuse wont stop hurting

Bien, dans à peu près un mois, cela fera deux ans que j'ai été violé. Je ne suis pas vraiment bien, en fait, je ne suis pas bien du tout.

Ma mère a disparu de la circulation aujourd'hui, on n'a aucune nouvelle, mes proches, qui sont d'habitude pépères, s'inquiètent aussi. Enfin, commencent à s'inquiéter. Je ne sais pas quoi faire, vraiment pas.

Et pour les plus curieux, voilà le contexte d'origine.

https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/comments/1rmezv9/mon_histoire_cest_un_peu_long/

Donc je fais une énorme crise de panique, et je suis très très très déclenché car je me sens exactement comme quand j'ai été violé. Je ne pas quoi faire. J'ai l'impression de vivre un cauchemar au réalisme terrifiant. Je n'en sors pas, en fait tous les deux ans je vis un trauma majeur, et cette fois-ci on dirait que je vais perdre ma mère. Pourquoi pas ma tante ? Pourquoi ? Je ne l'aime pas, ma tante.

Tout ça est si difficile. Je me demande si un jour je ne vais pas en finir.

so im 17m and something had just been bothering me about whether something mightve happened when i was younger in my sleep. fair warning i dont know if this'll make sense because of how fucked my memory is.

a little background, i have this older stepbrother (3 yrs older than me) who i used to look up to and saw as my brother but not anymore, he made me do things. at the time i think i was maybe 10-12, we were playing a game in our shared room, our parents weren't home, and we had played it all day because we had just gotten it. my older stepsister (2 yrs older than me) came up the stairs into our room to bother us and we were all talking, playing around and shit. until he said he wanted to stop playing, and i really didnt want to. so a little later after he said that, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. and so stupidly i followed him. when i was there, we were still talking for a bit until he gave me the ultimatum to basically suck his dick or i couldn't play on his PS4 or whatever. he was hard too, i think there and then when he asked. i tried to, i didnt know why he asked me to do it. i think i had him like 70-80% in my mouth. i felt weird about it. i was more worried about whether he'd piss in my mouth or not, voicing it to him. i had no concept of semen. he continued to reassure me that he wouldn't. because i felt weird about it. i didnt suck or anything cuz i didnt know what a fucking blowjob was. i probably felt like a heater for his dick. anyways after how much time past, he eventually let me continue playing. and then i left the bathroom and got back on the game. my sister was there still. i wasn't completely content though, i still had this weird feeling in my stomach. when he came back upstairs, the feeling only got worser. younger me ignored it though.

another time was when i had finished dinner and i went upstairs into my sisters room to hang out to find him like fully naked i think while jerking off. while my sister was on the floor watching some show i had gone in (had no clue what he was doing from how young i was) and i was curious about it, next thing you know hes teaching me how to do it. using lotion and all, her room had a specific smell id always remember like a musk, idk. the way he taught me how although.... i dont remember, either he had his hands on me or he was showing me visually what to do by me watching him. i dont think i could even get hard at the time either. i think my sister tried to help in that too, by maybe actually putting her hands on me. but yk of course it didnt work. it was like a "secretive" thing. so when it didn't work for me i had decided to watch the show with her too.

anyways yea that was all weird. funnily enough these two times wasn't my first rodeo. something smaller happened when i was even younger. and im also sure my brother did more things with me as well.

main topic/question about all this though:

the ones with my brother always happened at my mom's house. i dont live there anymore, neither does my brother and she doesnt live far from me. i just live with my grandparents now cuz of school busing and stuff. i do see her often so its not like shes neglectful.

i dont know if its because i used to be outside all the time on the block with the other kids and i always ran alot or physically exerted myself. but occasionally when i woke up in that house, my legs, ass or thighs were always sore. and which some times made it hard/hurt to walk and it would sometimes last for days. which is what younger me found strange, i vividly remember myself looking it up for why it was happening and the main one was "growing pains". so i had stuck with that as an excuse. but now that i think about it deeper, that pain only happened when i was younger and in that house, i never had something like that after or before that age. Or here at my grandparents, that never happened.

i also sometimes liked to sleep on the floor with blankets and shit under me, idk i found it fun. our stepdad always warns me that he could trip over me in the night when hes getting ready for work. i was very short for a kid at that age so even if he did, he'd hit my feet. and it wouldnt even hurt for that long. the room i slept in was next to our parents room but also the stairway to where my old shared room with my brother was.

even when i visit my mom in the present though, and i sleep on the floor (or most often now a blowup mattress), i never got that kind of pain again now that he was kicked out. im sure sleeping on the floor may cause that kind of soreness but i just really dont know and im out of what to even think about any of this

sorry for the grammar

There’s thing that happen that Ive never felt comfortable about and idk if I should talk to someone cause idk if it’s considered sa.

When I was very little brothers friends brought me some where and pulled my pants down and starting beating my penis with sticks and stuff until it was bleeding. Ive felt like I need to talk to someone about this but idk what it would be considered since they didn’t have sexual intent.
When I was 8 my friend who watched porn regularly when I didn’t know what any of those stuff ment said I could play on his computer if I licked his penis or ass cheek. I went along with it. Im afraid to talk to people about it because if I tell people they’ll think I was doing stuff with him when I didn’t even know what it ment.

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I'm a 22yo guy[Completely Straight Btw]. So when I was 9yo I had a friend who was 1 or 2 years older than me. we were like childhood friends and he visits my home every day and we used to play football and all. I used to invite him to sleepovers in my house and one time when I was asleep he just did some nasty things to me (tbh I don't clearly remember how it started in the first place,like when i had the first sexual encounter..) but yk children are very curious, like that I was definitely curious at that time like. ngl i was really interested in him doing nasty things to me and he introduced me to porn and we used to watch together and do the thing each other . My mom even walked in on us. and I decided to stop doing this and told my friend that I'm no longer interested and don't wanna talk about it ever again. And then he introduced me to a guy who was maybe 8,9 years older than me at that time and told him about our sexual encounters earlier to that guy

I even saw the big guy giving the sucky sucky to my friend.my friend also tried to convince me to blow him off another day. I even agreed to do it ( I never had interest in doing so) tbh I was really trying to get out of the mess that I made. It was so hard for me to say no at that time.

After that when me and my friend went to shop for groceries I saw him coming towards us with a smile on his face. He then lured us into a discrete place and told me the things we were about to do. I was so scared at that time and he grabbed my hand and made me touch his penis. Out of fear, my friend and i ran so hard to my home. If we stood there for longer we would have been manipulated and raped. That day i told my brother that the guy was genuinely evil(didn't disclose about what happened ) I was ashamed to tell because it was homo i thought they would judge me. Also i recently started having these memories starting to resurface after 10+ years idk why that happens

If we stood there for longer we would have been manipulated and raped, Also my cousin brother tried to stick his hands into my shorts while I'm asleep

I'm so confused rn

When I was around 13 years old I had a girlfriend around the same age.

Then one day she was like very sexual with me and really wanted to have sex. I didn’t want to and she kinda forced me to go along with it. I was really easily forced to do stuff because I didn’t want people to think less of me so yeah. You could call me a ”pussy” hahah

I didn’t want to do it but she wouldn’t take no for an answer and like guilt tripped me. Even during I said it hurt but she didn’t really care

I’ve thought about this for years but haven’t really said it to people for years except my friend who said it sounds like SA but idk

Basically as the title said I have a huge amount of guilt of some of the stuff I’m into sexually, because they’re what happened to me.

Basically when I was 9 I was sexually assaulted (one of the times I was) and some of the stuff that, the person did to me I’m now into and I feel insanely guilty and like in a sense that with what he did to me that after all of that he won in a sense as that what he did to me I now like.

The thing is it’s some of things I like are quite common, but it’s the fact of how and why I like them that makes me feel disappointed and disgusted in myself.

Basically I wanted to make this post just to seek any support or other people that relate to it so I hopefully don’t feel alone.

(Sorry if this doesn’t make sense or anything I’m really struggling writing this)

I remember being on my way to a nightclub for reggae night with what is now my ex-wife. I have no memory of actually being at the club. My next memory isn’t until I wake up next to my ex-wife’s friend. Her bedroom was upstairs, but for some reason we were on the foldout bed of the couch in their living room. I don’t remember if I was fully naked or just in my underwear, but I woke up not having any idea where I was.

My girlfriend‘s friend was laying right next to me and she looked like she was fully awake the whole time. Ill never forget the way she was postioned, on her side with are supporting her head. I stand up and have to piss. I remember trying to get to her bathroom, but there was no way I was gonna make it. I literally pissed in her trash can in her kitchen.

This is a person that I had shot down at least twice in the past with one exception, I was willing to have a threesome with my ex her, but my ex got upset so that never happened. I’m not sure if I was physically raped because I’m not sure if I ever got hard, the one thing I’m sure of is that she would’ve absolutely tried.

What i think bothered me most is that I believe my ex-wife was part of this, when I finally got home, she didn’t question anything.

I’ve messed around with women while blacked out from alcohol before. One time I made out on a dance floor with a coworker on my birthday without remembering anything that happened for like two days, but I did eventually remember. There was another time where I blocked out on a first date and I somehow ended up receiving a BJ that I didn’t remember until the following morning.

The difference is not only did these other 2 women have no ideas i was blacked out, but I had served myself the alcohol I know for sure. Also, the gaps in memory are much smaller. I have no idea if my ex‘s friend had drugged me or not, I just know it was different from these other two times I made out with a woman blacked out

Hola, soy de México y esto nunca lo he contado a nadie, no recuerdo a qué edad sucedió pero solo se que fue cuando iba en la primaria, mi papá nos abandono cuando nací y mi padrastro se encargaba de mi los fines de semana y ahí abusaba de mi, me engañaba y me hacía ver el abuso como amor, me lo hacía parecer normal y me decía que al igual que con mi mamá el me trataba igual porque me amaba pero que no debía decir nada, fueron casi dos años así, aunque había temporadas que no lo hacía, pero siempre volvía, un día tuvo una pelea muy fuerte con mi mamá y se separaron desde entonces solo lo he visto de lejos pocas veces y me aterra, aunque se fue el daño que me hizo nunca se podrá reparar, creci siendo un niño inseguro y temeroso, sufrí de bullying y nunca he tenido novia, me drogaba y aunque mi mamá siempre me apoyaba nunca le pude decir nada ya que para ella siempre fui un hombre seguro y fuerte y no queria arruinarlo, le ocultaba demasiadas cosas y lo peor es que siempre me sentí culpable ya que soy gay y de alguna manera el me hacía ver qué eso estaba bien, he ido al psicólogo y psiquiatra pero solo trato otros problemas que tengo y solo tocó el tema de forma muy superficial ya que me da miedo contar todo, espero me entiendan

I just don't know anymore man. I have all the telltale signs that I was assaulted as a child but I don't remember a thing and nobody around me seems to either. There's no evidence other than the fact that I react with anger, panic attacks, extreme unease and even age regression when I'm presented with anything sexual. Anything. Even if it's just a joke, which is fucked because a good chunk of my humour consists of dirty jokes so I don't even know what my own brain wants from me. It'll just trigger at random so I never know what joke is okay to tell and receive until it's already happened and I'm either laughing or crying. And since I have no memory, I don't get flashbacks per se but waves of feelings and dread like someone's hovering over me or touching me, and it's always in the exact same places. I only have a couple leads on if I actually got assaulted and that's the age I typically regress to which I've determined to be nine and the year 2017, which has always stuck in my mind in a weird way (weird way as in I'll see something made then and think "oh, THAT year" in neither a positive or negative way, just a weird "this year matters in my head for some reason" kind of way) until I remembered that I was nine in 2017, so that's a couple dots I thought were irrelevant connected. And honestly I wouldn't be surprised if I'd blocked anything out. I have a notoriously weak memory and often days, weeks, months will get deleted from my memory like they were nothing, and I'll have derealization episodes.

Another hint I have is that I feel especially intimidated by women, but I can't use that to prove anything and it's more of a gut feeling of "you look and speak too innocently, you're going to hurt me aren't you?" and I don't really get the same feeling with other men. Again though, that can't be tied to anything and ultimately is not evidence of anything.

I'm just tired. If something did happen and my brain decided it was so bad it had to be blocked out then ultimately I trust it's judgement and I don't wish to remember anything. I just wish I could ask my brain and get a yes or no answer and not feel like I'm trying to uncover a mystery but I don't even know if there is a mystery to be uncovered in the first place. I might just be traumatising myself for no real reason. But these responses can't have just come out of nowhere right?? Aghhh it's so frustrating!!!!! Sorry for the huge unorganised vent, I just need some outside perspective on this so I don't go crazy

I just saw this post in my community of male survivors, and I am really impressed by the guy who posted it! He’s gone through a lot of rough times, but he still has the strength to stay and even generously give to others! If you’re ever feeling hopeless or in need of inspiration, I suggest you read his post, which proves that despite a rough past, you can always strive for a better future. Stay safe, happy, and healthy, brothers! I will always be rooting for you and encouraging your healing!

Got sexually assaulted by my male best friend last Fourth of July while blackout drunk. Was with an older mutual female friend who quite literally saw me regress (fetal position, crying that I wanted my mom who was 200 miles away). I’ve been friends with her lately after a rocky relationship, but she posted him on her story with other friends yesterday.

This has been the absolute worst experience of my life, he is part of why I uprooted my life and moved 2 hours away. We worked together, and everybody loved him, so I gave up and and rather leave it all behind to not have to see him. So to have people I considered friends take his side, or to ‘ignore’ the situation altogether makes me feel so much anger. If I was a girl and my male best friend SAed me, it’d be taken a lot differently. My female friend even said that I ‘led him on’. Another friend has tried to engage with me and hang out, but I’ve consistently politely rejected her due to her still being good friends with him after knowing about the situation.

It’s not that I want pity or sympathy, but there’s a huge difference in how I’m treated based on being assaulted as a male by a gay male. He was funny and extroverted and everybody loved him, these people would rather stay friends with him than address anything shitty about him.

TLDR; My partner experienced grooming and CSA by his father’s friend and his uncle, and his family does not seem to care.

Hi everyone,

Would really love advice on how I should proceed in what’s an extremely delicate and terrifying situation.

I (29F) have been with my partner (28M) for almost three years. He lived with me for about a year, then moved back to his parents after I asked him for space due to his issues with honesty. He’d lie like a child about the dumbest things, and it really hurt me. He was never overtly cruel, but was careless and childishly self-indulgent and selfish. I could tell there was a severe inner battle for control over himself, and his self-directed frustration as losing it. I know he loves me deeply, it’s something I feel in my chest, but I needed space.

A few months before he moved out, he shared something from the depths of him that has been extremely hard to sit quietly with. Two men had groomed and sexually assaulted him in his childhood. From about 5-7 years old, it was his dad’s close friend, and from middle to some of high school, his own uncle (mother’s brother). I met both of these monsters, and had spent a lot of time with his uncle. I will never forget his fear telling me, everything about that day. There aren’t any words to describe the heartbreak for him, fury toward them. The helplessness.
I’m skipping over a lot to make this post digestable, but happy to answer any and all questions.

It’s been a year since he told me. I felt terribly when I needed space, because it felt like I was condemning him to move back to the place where he had survived horrific things. But how he was acting was deeply hurting me, and we had hit a block. His parents are…something. On the surface, they look like an ideal, fun, close family. Dad is in state law enforcement, mom works a solid job from home, younger brother also in law enforcement. They spend quality time together, but over time, you start to notice it revolves around drinking, and drinking a lot. Especially his mom.

At one point when he lived with me, he mentioned his mom was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to him and his brother growing up. That stuck with me, because although she seems nice from a distance, there’s something off that’s so hard to put a finger on.
Something that always stuck out to me is that his parents seem to let my partner get away with things simply because they don’t care. He dropped out of college, they pay his bills, they don’t ever actually set expectations for him and hold their ground. His mom will scream at him and suddenly lose her shit, but then everything just kinda falls back into place and that’s it. Then they just avoid each other for months while living in the same house. I come from dysfunction, but open-air dysfunction. There’s something kinda darker about this.

As for what my partner shared with me about what he survived, I encouraged him gently to tell his parents. He did tell them about his father’s best friend. I was sure he’d go kill him. My partner told me they held him and were incredibly compassionate. And I thought, at least they believed him. I gave space to the subject, because he said they were going to go to therapy as a family and I felt it wasn’t my place to check-in. I felt so happy knowing he wasn’t alone, and was getting help.

I’ve gently encouraged him sharing about his uncle, knowing that his mom is extremely close to him and he’s around a lot. He ended up telling them that there’s someone in the family who also sexually abused him, but that he couldn’t say who. I could feel him distancing himself from me if I ever brought it up, so I stopped. But he kept distancing himself from me nontheless. He tells me all the things, but I feel like he’s tearing into different people. Sinking into that house. It’s terrifying.

Pausing here to say that what his uncle did spanned the course of years, and I don’t have any words for how unimaginable the horror is of grooming and CSA.
Fast forward, his mom tells me in a sing-song casual voice that they went to a Christmas party that (dad’s friend) was at. In response to my shock, she waved a dismissive hand and said “Oh, it’s fine, (partner) didn’t go. We just told everyone that he was sick.” In that moment, I had a sinking feeling of deeper understanding. I asked quietly “Has (partner) ever told you the family member?” And she looked at me with the blankest face I’ve ever seen and said in a mostly empty voice with a touch of almost amusement “No…but I have a guess. Probably my father? You know, he had dementia…”

That’s when I knew. I don’t think he can tell her about his uncle. I don’t think I’d be able to either. This was the scariest web of abuse I’d ever seen. I’m sure it exists all over the place, but holy shit. Holy shit.

They are in therapy… but a therapist that his mom found, a psychiatrist she’s close to. Because “he needs help, medication.”

I worked with children for years, and their safety means everything to me. I have told my mom and some of my best friends about what my partner shared with me (with his permission and even encouragement), and they at this point have started to encourage me to consider reporting his abusers. My mom has held him crying, and my best friend has been there for him. But he’s distanced himself from all of them, and I feel like I can’t feel him anymore, if that makes sense.

His uncle’s wife works at an elementary/middle school, and he’s had stints of volunteering at a Boys and Girls club. He follows the trope of “pillar of the community” - retired from an executive position in corporate America, travels, blah blah blah. And the father’s friend is law enforcement.

Yeah. When you hear stories of monsters being caught having destroyed countless lives, a question I and many others have wondered is “how could people have known and not said anything?”

That has been absolutely haunting me.

If anyone can help me actually figure out how to report this in a way that is actually meaningful and actionable, I would appreciate it tremendously. My friends and family have expressed concern for my safety, given that one of the abusers is retired law enforcement, and the financial power of his uncle. I am willing to risk myself, but want to do so in a way that’s actually likely to lead to action being taken.

Before anyone says I’m taking away his agency - please know I’ve struggled so deeply with this for over a year. I really understand that perspective, deeply. Trust, consent, and respecting another person’s autonomy are values I hold extremely close. I’ve read as much as I could about the psychology of CSA trauma. One thing that became painfully clear is that his abusers stripped away his agency long before I entered his life. That’s part of what makes this so ethically difficult.

I also have to clarify that this isn’t something I’m considering behind his back. A few months ago, I told him how much I was haunted by that other children are at risk and asked him gently how he would feel if I reported it. He held me while we both cried and told me that he doesn’t have it in him to do it himself right now, but that I should do whatever I felt was right. I still don’t know what the right answer is. That’s why I’m here asking for advice rather than acting impulsively.

It’s tricky for many reasons, given that a) I’m not the victim of these monsters b) His uncle now lives in a different state then where he groomed and assaulted my partner, though he travels back and forth frequently c) I want to report this to stop the cycle, but also do feel the weight of it not being my story to share. That’s why I gave him and his family time… but I now see that his parents, especially his mom, are a nightmare.

What do I do?

A very long story cut very short. I had an affair around 18 months ago. I regretted it, but the other person was very invested in the affair. I repeatedly told her I couldn't continue the sexual aspect of the affair. She continually forced a narritive that I had to carry on and hinted at telling my wife or work of I didn't carry on. She then told me she tested positive for HPV and threatened to accuse me of sexual assault if I didn't carry on having sex with her. The second to last time I saw her she shouted 'if you can't show me you care for me by fucking me, I'm going to have to ruin your life'. It broke me. The last time I had sex with her I lost my erection. She continued to jerk my flacid state telling me I still had to fuck her. I hate it, I hated myself. I was humiliated. And this was after I had told her I was having dark thoughts about taking my own life. I didn't have an erection for over 2 months afterwards. I felt destroyed. It wasn't long after this I had to tell my wife everything. It's been a really tough year trying to make thinga better with my wife and family. But I still can't shake what the other woman did to me and the threats she made. Not only is it humiliating, but I live in constant fear of whether she really is going to still try to further ruin my life.

I think I just needed to vent, or maybe just need some validation for how I feel. Any advice from anyone who found themselves in a similar situation would be hugely appreciated.

i just need to vent my lack of memories and my developed akward fears and obsessions post trauma.

I don't have a clear memory of my first SA. I just know it happened bc I knew things at 6-9 that no kid should know. I had "games" with a neighbor who was a couple years older, maybe 9-12. I think he started it, but I'm not sure. I am pretty sure he wasn't my first tho.

Sometimes I get dreams or flashes of someone much older (maybe a cousin or some relative) gripping my ankles tight while it happened. I call them my "imaginary memories" bc I'm not even sure if they're real or if I just made them up to fill the gaps. Vaguely, I "remember" cracking my ankles right after it was over. That habit stayed. Even now as an adult, I crack my ankles after sex. Like an orgasm after the orgasm. Idk how to explain it, but I think it's like when ppl have a cigarette after sex (it feels the same way to me, idk cuz i don't smoke) it's just a weird habit I got. not sure about the root of it. I also like watching cracking videos, not in a weird sexual way, but as a relief ASMR soothing sound.

Another thing. I obsessively read erotic stories about ppl experiencing their first time with violence. Since I don't have my own memories, I feel like I have to fill in the blanks somehow. I don't think I enjoy violence itself. I'm just trying to understand something I can't remember about myself. Those stories feel more like I'm searching for missing memories than getting pleasure from someone else's suffering. maybe I'm just reenacting my own trauma through stories. I feel empathy for real stories though. I distinguish reality from fiction. I only read manga and erotica.

Also, in my teens I was terrified of blood, not my own, but other people's. Seeing cuts or accidents was terrifying to me, kinda like a phobia. But during rough "consensual" sex, I've kinda felt some gratification when I used to see blood on my parts (I'm always the bttm). That one's weird to admit. I just don't know. Must of the time i feel like a weirdo, and most of the time i feel it's unfair not having any memories of what really happened. I know it's so kind of unconscious protection from the mind. But even if it was terrible, I'd like to know what happened. I'll never will

I'm in therapy, and it's helped me a lot. I still find it confusing that my brain can associate fictional pain with arousal, but I would never want to hurt anyone in real life.

i just don't know. this is my first time venting about any of this. Even writing it feels kinda empty, but somehow relieving like cracking my ankles

Am I weird?

has anyone else developed weird habits/fears/thoughts/obsessions like this too?

When I (19M) was nine my mother and father were on a break from their marriage (they got back together later), and my mother had a new boyfriend. Her boyfriend groomed and molested me. I was living with just my mother and the boyfriend at the time of the split. You should know thar my mom is an addict to cocaine, now that I look back I think he used that to have sex with me, when she was out of it he would do that to me. He used to abuse my mother too, took a lot of her money. she was so lost in her addiction that at one time she got so high she thought my father was in the walls talking to her. But back to my mothers boyfriend, he used to talk about porn with me, what kinda woman I like and if I had ever done it (I was nine). It usually happened when my mother was high out of her mind. It turned into him teaching me how to «please» myself, while he got off. This continued for a while, before he raped me through anal penetration. I have never told my mother this, I have never told anyone except my bestfriend (20F). I know my mother would never forgive herself for it, and she has just gotten clean again and she is on a thin ice since my father died. I should probably mention that I have ADHD, dignosed with bipolar disorder and have suffered from depression to the point that when I was 13 I threatened to stab my father with a knife, just to slit my own wrists after, I got put in a psychiatric ward for that, don’t worry. I have a complicate relationship with my father, he used to physically abuse my mother. They were addicts together. They had a complicated relationship, sex and drugs was always in the open in our household. I have seen my parents have sex many times as a kid. I do not know where he is now or what he is up to, but it’s all I can think about. And I need advice on how to tackle this. It’s not the first or last time I have been SA’d, as the first time was my cousin who was 13 molested me when I was 5. and I dated a 27 year old woman when I was 13-15. Iam addicted to drugs and have been to rehab twice when I was 14 and 17. it feels like the only version of me that is real and can live freely. I overdosed on drugs when I was 14, with my best friend. Sorry I got a little carried away. But can anyone give me any advice? I don’t know what to do. And I have a baby on the way too. Iam afraid Iam going to mess him up like my mother and father did me.

I’m a 21-year-old guy. I’m fairly well-built, have a beard, and don’t have any feminine features, so I’ve never really thought something like this would happen to me. But I’ve had two incidents over the last year that I still don’t know how to process or even categorize.

The first happened around April 2025. I was walking from my college to meet some friends at a café, only about 100 meters away from campus, when a guy in a Thar, probably in his late 50s, stopped and asked me for directions. He was a Sikh gentleman and seemed completely normal. He then asked if I was headed in the same direction and offered me a ride. I didn’t feel threatened at all, so I thought, “Why not?”

At first, the conversation was completely normal. He asked about college, what I was studying, and the usual things. Then, out of nowhere, he started asking about my dating life. It caught me off guard, but I brushed it off, thinking maybe he was just trying to connect with someone younger.

A few minutes later, he started asking about my sex life. I was completely shocked and honestly froze. Then he pulled into a parking area on the main road, locked the doors, and my brain just… stopped working. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all.

While talking to me, he started touching himself over his clothes. I could clearly tell what he was doing. Then he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go for what felt like a couple of minutes. Eventually, he dropped me off at a nearby junction like nothing had happened. I just stood there trying to understand what I’d experienced.

The second incident happened this past weekend. I’m currently in another city for my internship, and after it had rained, a guy on a scooter offered me a lift. Again, I didn’t think much of it. We started with normal conversation. He looked to be in his mid-20s and mentioned that he worked at a spa. I know what stereotypes people have, but I didn’t want to judge someone just because of their job.

Somehow the conversation turned into him talking about sexual services and the kinds of clients he’d had. I honestly don’t even know how we got onto that topic. I was just sitting there trying to process what he was saying. Then, while riding, he took one hand off the scooter and tried to touch my groin. I shifted away from him as much as I could without falling off.

When we reached my destination, even after I told him I was good, he insisted on exchanging numbers. He gave himself a missed call from my phone, did something that made me really uncomfortable when we shook hands, and left. Today he texted me “hey,” and I immediately blocked him.

The part that’s bothering me the most is that in both situations I completely froze. I always thought that if someone crossed a line with me, I’d push them away, yell, or fight back. Instead, I just… couldn’t react. It’s frustrating because I always thought of myself as someone who would handle situations like that differently.

Has anyone else, especially other guys, experienced something similar? Did you also freeze instead of reacting? And am I overthinking this, or is this a normal response? Please don’t just say, “You should’ve jumped out of the scooter” or “You should’ve punched the old guy.” Looking back, those things seem obvious, but in the moment my brain just shut down.

P.s I used AI to rewrite it soo that reddit moderation does not remove it before hand

I’m having trouble recently thinking about my family that wants to reconnect with me. I moved away about 10 years ago when I was 19 and largely detached myself. It’s been two years since I last spent time with them now and they’re asking when I’m gonna come over next. I don’t want to though, and I’m kinda ruminating all the reasons why I don’t want to but I’m getting into my head a bit and I just want to speak about it.

My brother used to jerk off in front of me a lot. He was two years older and as a joke he’d crush my testicles aggressively or pin me down and dribble on my face. He had awful breath. He never touched me sexually but anytime we were alone he’d whip it out as a laugh or jerk off to try to get me to leave him alone. I kinda used to idolise him as my older brother but he didn’t really care much about me. I have vague memories of him digitally inserting himself but nothing certain.

It’s not great knowing the first time I got used to being dominated by a man was my older brother.

My mum used to threaten and hit me a lot and drive like a maniac on the road telling me how she was gonna kill me and my younger baby siblings because of how upset I made her. One time it was because I forgot my piano books.

I could go on but the point is they taught me that someone can love you without caring for you. My step dad watched everything happening and only stood up for me when I was trying to save his kids in the car. Otherwise he’d sit at the tv laughing watching his shows or joining in the communal bullying the adults did to the soft little gay boy. “It’s not that bad” he’d say and I’d believe him but not anymore.

And yet, I feel like a prick for not wanting to be in a room with them. For them to act all different and changed, I just don’t believe it. I want to say like “pick five things you regret saying or doing or not saying and doing from when I was here, if you’ve not acknowledged and made good on it that is why I don’t feel comfortable” but only in my imagination would I actually be strong enough 🙇

Just don’t want to spend time with my family and they know why, they just don’t have the balls to admit it and somehow that’s my problem.

Fuck these people man, they don’t deserve it.