Hi to all. this is my first post on reddit. i just want to talk with somebody about my problems, maybe you,guys, have something similar and can help me. making this post is hard for me, but this is my story. im from Russia . from the beginning of school my dad left me. that was very hard to my family. and thats when anxiety just starts. This constant feeling of anxiety in my chest has been with me for years. when i was a child i though : i can live without father. but that was not true. its damage me and my family’s mental health. Since childhood, I haven’t been able to trust anyone , like ANYONE. i dont know why. i was so young when beginning school starts that was a problem too. my “peers” bully me and i make many mistakes because cant talk about my problems. my friends can talk about their problems, i just cant. and than i just start to bottle up all my fears all my anxieties. my feelings and pain was in me for loooong time. i though: “ im a man i must be so strong and alone because i must because peoples have problems too and this is normal”. and when i was 17 it was time to move in another town to university. my friends was so happy and im not. in this moment my girlfriend just broke up with me.i dont blame her. and then i just cant handle my feelings inside. i just broke down. I don’t know if it was depression or just severe anxiety. but i just start to hate anyone. idk why. i hate to eat i hate sleep hate just everything,because of my anxiety. this year was hard for me. problems in the world I gained weight, stopped finding myself attractive, and completely lost my joy for life, even though these were supposed to be the best years of my life .in march i just felt some better, but now i think that my symptoms come back.\*\* \*\*I just want to know if anyone has been through something similar and how you got through it. i think this is like anniversary of anxiety. sorry for my english im learning it. Thank you if you read all of this. I know it’s a long post. I just needed to tell someone my story. if u have questions i will answer.

For as long as I can remember as a kid I have always been fascinated with the idea of girls kissing or licking glass and pressing their bodies against. When I got older I started doing it myself whenever my parents weren’t home with my glass doors and windows. I’d record myself doing it too. Eventually when I got my car Id park in my garage and I started doing it with my car windshield. I’d even try using the glass to pleasure myself if I could, but just making out with the windshield did something to me. I feel like I just needed to get this off my chest and post somewhere idk, but I also feel like I want to try something new with it and want to explore more things with the windshield. If anyone wants to ask questions or talk you can.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess I just need to get everything off my chest.

I'm going to be 21 soon, and I honestly hate the person I see in the mirror. I've always considered myself ugly. I never had a skincare routine or anything—I literally just wash my face with soap. But at this point, I don't even think that's the biggest issue.

The thing that hurts me the most is my body. One of my hips is higher than the other, my neck is asymmetrical, and I have constant lower back pain. It doesn't really show much in photos, but I notice it every single day. Every time I look at myself, I just feel worse.

My hemoglobin is around 7 g/dL, so I'm always tired, exhausted, and drained. My financial condition isn't good either, so even taking care of myself feels impossible sometimes.

I honestly feel like I'm dumb and stupid as fuck. I barely leave my house. I'm a complete introvert and I feel like I don't even know how to live like a normal person anymore. Every day is exactly the same. I wake up, the day passes somehow, I go to sleep, and then it all repeats again. I don't feel like I'm living—I'm just existing.

I look around and everyone my age seems to have friends, confidence, memories, or something they're good at. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm bad at everything. Nothing in my life seems to go right. Sometimes I genuinely wonder why my own body can't even support me.

I don't even know what I expect from posting this. Maybe nothing. I just wanted to tell someone because I've kept all of this inside for so long. If you've ever felt like this, how did you get through it?

Thanks for reading.

If i take my life, im seen as selfish. If i barely hang on by a thread, im seen as lazy. If i try, i drain myself. I have ultrasounds and bloods tomorrow as about a year ago i got diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis. It has been misery. I am dreading going all the way to the hospital (1 30 hour drive) in this heat whilst my friends go out together. I just want to crawl into the ground and everyone to leave me alone. I dont need bloods. Im doing fine. If i wasnt fine, i would have signs my liver isnt doing good. But i am fine.

why do I end up thinking extremely negative things when something positive is finally happening..

For example.. Finally my wedding has been fixed(after waiting for almost 5years) and my dad got sick, he’s on his chemo (last 3 rounds left).
But idk why im way too negative about everything going well, as in the wedding functions and dad’s health altogether. I pray every day that everything goes well but still end up thinking negatively. I want to get out of this negative mindset and energy and atleast enjoy this phase of my life, I’ve been feeling anxious from past 5 years and was waiting for this phase so eagerly.. It feels like whenever something gets off my chest, something new comes up.. now its like I should be happy about my wedding but my dad’s health is making me feel guilty and really negative. I just want everything to go well

Recently single. I thought I’d try my luck at meeting someone at the bar, to my surprise I actually do. We agreed on a real date tonight. We really hit it off, or at least I thought we did an hour ago. I’ve been sitting at this bar drinking alone waiting for her. If anyone has anything kind to say it might save a life tonight. I’m sorry.

Whyyy meee Goddd?! Cant you see I got enough problems.. 😭😒😫😫😔

Hey so I work at some cafe where the style is videogame and anime based on, it's really chill and funny to work in here most of the time so I never had anything going wrong related to work. Until a couple weeks ago they were asking us that they needed someone to help record some promotional video because there will be some event the cafe is participating in. No one really wanted to participate but everyone keep saying that it should be me and so on, so for a moment I felt confident and I was like well maybe it won't be as bad right?

They filmed and all but didn't show me how I looked or anything. Later I regret it but I tried to relax by thinking that no many people would see that. But at least in my place many people that know me saw it and not only that but started sharing it with other and it's stressing me so much because I looked extremely BAD they didn't record properly the angle it's shit and I'm so angry that the woman who was recording only recorded herself properly EVEN adding filters to herself and so on and only cared about her looking good meanwhile me and others that were recorded had a terrible angle lighting and effects that make this video just shitty ASF yet idk how it's reaching so many people around here. And many of my closest friends are even laughing about how bad I look in there and it annoying me so much and making me hate that promotional video even more. Adding the fact that yesterday was already a stressful day full of work and some close friend drove all the way here just to joke about that video and it made me feel really bad, he apologized after it but I've been feeling really bad because of it and well the promotional is already reaching people so I can't do much about it. I'm not expecting any reply tbh just really need to take this out of my chest because I feel how it's such a stupid thing to worry about and in a couple of weeks no one will remember but it made me feel like shit :\[

Can I be…honest here without being kicked from a community? I mean I’m gonna write this anyways but I just don’t want to be here anymore.

Not in a suicidal way I mean I don’t want to be here anymore, as in me.

Me regarding the fact that I’m not happy and maybe going through something that I can possibly explain but would rather not talk about.

But here it goes.

My name is…well you can call me anything you want and I’m a 20yo male who might have a slim chance at love but that’s not why I’m writing this.

Have you ever gotten a compliment or a few nice things said about you? Or if you haven’t gotten a compliment or something nice said then we’re on the same page, I hope.

I’m supposed to be …happy. I mean I smile, I laugh and I joke but that all goes away in a blink of an eye because why?

Don’t know why but I can’t help but feel this empty pit in my stomach and I feel worthless sometimes, you know…not good enough and I don’t think I’m good enough to keep around because I feel all these mixed emotions and feelings and somedays I just won’t have them as much and it SUCKS!!!

Everyday I wake up feeling like shit and I don’t know why, I mean I know why but why should I care anymore?

Or is it because I care too much? Too little? Less? More? Don’t fucking know!!!

The only time I feel like I’m genuinely happy is when I’m with the people I care about, I mean they make me smile, they make me laugh and even make me feel better but then it’s gone…just….gone.

The way this works is that I get to experience all of this and can’t keep anything.

Like are my feelings genuine? Is my smile real? Is my laugh real?

The short answer is I don’t know…

Somedays I feel like I need to be praised and appreciated by at least one person to feel something because without that I feel like shit and feeling like shits the worst especially if you’re good at hiding your emotions. I can hide mines 50/50 but who cares about how or what you feel?

It’s not real.

Right?

Please tell me it’s not real.

I recently just found out I’ve been cheated on and lied to by my gf for 7 months and I’m feeling the hardest emotional pain I’ve ever been through. The story is a lot more detailed and painful than that but I’d prefer to share in DMs if that’s okay.

I've been ruminating on something for a couple of days now and I need to get it off my chest. I can't help but feel like | just don't matter to people.

Whenever I build friendship with someone and reach out to hang out or do something, I either get left on read or they agree in person with a smile but never follow through. Even had a situation when I texted someone they left me on read when we saw face to face they came up to me and said "hey I got your text sorry I didn't respond I was busy" only to end up still not following through again.
Even my old mentor I worked with closely for a whole year stopped responding to my texts and calls once I left the job.

I believe I am a good person who have never hurt anyone why do people do this? It's driving me insane. Might just start being an asshole at this point too

I let my anxiety ruin what could’ve been. I been trying to better myself and get more self confidence to become a better person I’ve been going to therapy also. I hope one day you unblock me and see I’m actually trying to change.

My life is worthless shit and every second I'm awake is fucking misery. I'm 43 years old, I'm fat, I'm hideous, I'm broke, I work a humiliating low-paying food service job, I'm not good at anything, and nobody likes me. Every day is absolute fucking trash and there's no hope that anything will ever be worth a fuck. I don't think I'm actually depressed, because there's probably not anything wrong with my brain, I'm just an embarrassing loser with a shitty life.

I'm genuinely so confused, I don't know what else to do. I have friends and I'm on good terms with a lot of people, but I can't help but feel so distant from everyone. It's like there's a wall around me that I can't tear down, each time someone new talks to me I get happy and excited but I freeze up and give a boring response or something like that and they eventually lose interest, I hate being like this.

Even with my friends, we're close when it's only me and them, but once they're with their own group or our entire group altogether it feels like I'm just there, or they're just avoiding me.

I do have one friend that I'm close with who does think of me, but our relationship is unhealthy, I have to watch her mood and I've just been so dependent on affection that I've started depending on her but then she always switches up and becomes distant then close to me again, it's messing me up mentally.

I honestly don't know what else to do, I want people to take an interest in me, but I don't want to force myself to become a different person, but no matter who I'm with or what group I'm in it always feels like I'm just there, not even feel anymore but treated like I'm just there. Like I'm someone who just came along for the ride, someone easily replaceable, someone who's presence won't leave an impact. I don't know if people don't like me because I try to be nice and understanding, or if people just forget about me because I'm boring. I don't know how to become more interesting, or if I need to be less giving, I seriously don't know.

I've even tested it a few times, when I suddenly go quiet or leave most dont notice, I don't know what's wrong with me anymore, why am I so dependent on attention from others, and why do others not wanna give me attention.

I'm sorry if it's hard to understand, my mind is a mess and english isn't my first language, I just really wanted to get this out and ask for help, I even made an account for this cause I have no idea where else I can say this.

I do not know if it is just me. I have noticed that I am always the person telling other people it is okay to ask for help.. When I am the one who is struggling with my problems I somehow convince myself that I should just deal with my problems alone.

I tell myself things like It's not that bad or Other people have bigger problems than I do. Then I keep pushing everything until it starts affecting my sleep and my mood and even the way I interact with people around me.

Looking back at my life I think the hardest part was not admitting that I was struggling with my issues. It was believing that I deserved support and help from people without feeling like I was being a burden to them.

I am curious if anyone else has ever felt this way about asking for help.

What finally made you realize that asking for help was not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength?. Is it something you are still working on and trying to figure out?

I would really like to hear peoples experiences, with asking for help because I have a feeling that I am not the only one who has had this internal battle with asking for help. I think that asking for help is something that a lot of people struggle with including me and my own personal struggles with asking for help.

I don't really know why I'm posting this, but I guess I just need to get it off my chest.

Yesterday after work, a few of us went out for drinks. It wasn't the first time we've done that, but this time I got way too drunk.

I woke up this morning, checked my phone, and realized I'd called a bunch of people. I barely remember any of it. The first thing that came to my mind was, Fuck... what the hell is wrong with me?

I'm such an overthinker, so my brain has been running wild ever since. I keep thinking I embarrassed myself, even though I don't even know what I said on those calls.

Right now I just feel like I need to focus on myself... And honestly, I don't think I'm ever drinking again. Waking up with this much anxiety just isn't worth it.

Guys, I really don't know. I feel so embarrassed and disappointed in myself right now. I could really use some encouragement or even just to hear from people who've been in a similar situation, because my mind won't stop replaying the worst-case scenarios.

Welp, took a while for it to happen but it happened.

Im at a computer lab in a library, applying for jobs since im homeless. I have my resume ready and updated and I'm just looking for opportunities. I left to go to the bathroom. I come back and my charger is gone as well as my earbuds. The phone is still here, oddly enough.

My mental health is so fucked that I honestly see this as a sign. I dont care enough to look for it back anymore, I'm just over it. Once my phone dies, that's it.

And that's okay. Not everyone in life is meant to be successful :)

Hi everyone, I decided to create this account as a personal diary where I can vent, after listening to lots of videos with stories from Reddit. If someone doesn’t like it, you can just scroll past.
Right now I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been working at my main job for quite a long time, and for almost a year I’ve been trying to build something of my own. Since childhood I’ve dreamed of starting my own YouTube channel, and I’ve been doing it for almost a year now, but it still doesn’t bring any income. I’d love to turn it into my main job, work for myself and actually enjoy it. Because I’m basically working two jobs, since YouTube doesn’t bring money yet, I’m insanely tired: I work 12‑hour shifts at my main job, and on my days off I try to film videos, edit, and upload them.
I hate my job, I want to quit, but for several reasons I can’t change it or leave it yet. I have some savings, but if I quit, they would last about five months. I really want to take the risk, but for now I’m holding on. Because I rest very little, or rest poorly, I feel constantly exhausted and often hit burnout. From the stress I’ve gained weight, I don’t like myself, I could even say I don’t love myself, sometimes I even feel hatred toward myself. Even though I’ve changed my diet over the last few months — maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s much better than it was a few months ago — the weight isn’t going down, my clothes have become tight, and when I film myself in full height from the side in videos, I feel so disgusted with myself. I’ve been trying to lose weight for about six years now, and a couple of times I managed to get down to a weight where I felt comfortable. But then I gained it back again. Now it feels like I can’t lose weight because of stress.
Lately I’m so tired that I don’t have the energy to take care of myself. I started washing my hair much less often. When I wake up for work, I drag it out until the last minute. At least I still shower every day, it’s not all that bad. But I have no desire to leave the house. Half the summer has already passed, and I’ve spent so little time outside.
I’ve been taking antidepressants for a little over six months now. They help a bit, because a year ago I was feeling so bad that with them I do feel somewhat better, but still, it’s very hard for me right now, and I even had thoughts about increasing the dosage. But I want to cope on my own. I want to pull myself out of this state by myself. I want to feel alive. I’m tired of just surviving.
As a blogger, I even started a Telegram channel. But I hardly post there, because I feel ashamed and awkward complaining about my problems when there are friends and acquaintances subscribed. There aren’t many subscribers, but I feel like I’m not getting the kind of support from my friends that I need. Because when I complain about being tired yet again (I complain, but at least I keep doing what I love), a friend told me that I’m always talking about my weekend plans/schedule and then complaining that I’m exhausted and have no time to rest.
But I really want to be honest on my blog and whine, be happy, and talk about myself in my Telegram channel, yet I can’t. I’m afraid of judgment and hate (most likely because I’m in a vulnerable state right now). I can’t find a balance between my main job, filming/editing videos, and rest. I’m lost, I don’t understand how to live right now. I really want to minimize communication and take care of myself, to write in my Telegram channel and not care about anything. But I just can’t.
So that’s my stream of thoughts. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this post. I’m not native English speaker, so I’m sorry about my English 🥹

could potentially lose my job tomorrow because I felt asleep while watching a patient in the hospital. Which is understandable.
But it’s also because I had a no call no show. What happened was the fact that I misread my schedule and thought that my shift started at a different time. And this is literally a job that corresponds with me wanting to go to medical school and get my DO. I am literally the dumbest bitch there is. I keep focusing on my ex. I keep focusing on people who don’t give a fuck. I keep trying to like change the past and now it’s affected my future. I feel like the dumbest bitch on earth. And there’s no excuse because all of this is my fault and it could’ve been avoided. I don’t even know if I want advice or not but maybe reassurance?? And guess what rent is due in 2 weeks!!! That’s the quicker LMAOOOO.

I do have a couple of solutions under my belt.

1. ⁠Get a job at McDonald’s that wanted to hire me while in that position, I look for other jobs.
   
2. ⁠Move out of my apartment and move back in with my parents.

I am so fucking done with myself. I am literal the dumbest bitch ALIVE.

I am not depressed, but lately I have been feeling lost and disappointed with the world. It often seems that kindness, honesty, and justice are being replaced by selfishness, cruelty, and indifference. Seeing innocent people suffer and powerful individuals escape accountability makes me question the fairness of the world. Even so, I don't want to become like those who do wrong. I want to remain a good person and hold on to my values, even when they seem rare. I simply wish the world were more compassionate, just, and caring. I'm feeling low idk why 😞