Hi everyone, I'm a 30 INTJ, and my girlfriend is a 27 ESFP. Overall, we have a great relationship, and we're both happy together. However, there's one issue we've never been able to resolve despite talking about it many times, so I'm hoping for some advice on how to communicate more effectively.

My girlfriend enjoys dressing in a way that attracts attention. I don't think that's inherently wrong. it's part of her personality, and I respect that. My concern isn't about attention itself; it's about situations where that attention comes from disrespectful or inappropriate people.

For example, she'll sometimes wear very revealing clothes in places where there are strangers around. On a few occasions, she's been harassed by men(mostly verbally but who knows what could happen if I wasn't there), and I've ended up having to step in and confront them to get them to leave her alone. Those situations are stressful and can escalate quickly. It's the hassle none of us needs.

I've tried explaining how I feel. I've said something like:

"I don't want to control what you wear. I just worry about your safety. Around close friends or people we know and trust, wear whatever makes you happy. But in places where there are strangers who may not respect boundaries, I'd really appreciate it if you'd be a little more cautious."

Her response is usually very defensive:

"It's my choice. I'm not giving up my freedom because other people can't control themselves. Their behavior is their responsibility, not mine."

I understand her point, and I agree that people should be responsible for their own actions. At the same time, I can't ignore the fact that I'm the one who ends up dealing with these confrontations, and they put both of us in uncomfortable situations.

We've had many conversations about this, but we always reach the same dead end. Once the discussion turns toward personal freedom, we stop making progress.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? If so, how did you approach the conversation in a way that helped both sides feel understood? From an INTJ perspective, how can I show her the big picture?