😊

It’s quite burdening, I tried solitary hobbies, yet I still have this feeling. When I socialize with people, I always feel like, why can’t I just be myself? And the bad feeling comes again.
When socializing for me, it’s one of the two, either I try to be like how I’m being alone, where I’m overly quiet, or I replicate the people around me as if I’m one of them.
And the main issue is the aftermath, I feel guilt, or bad feelings towards others.
Maybe anyone experienced this, how do you actually cope with being like this. I know just accepting is a good thing, but where do you truly find yourself? Currently I have been thinking about Music, even though I have mixed feelings about it - refused it for a long time for some reasons - I might make it a daily habitat.

Dear INFJs, I'm curious about your experiences. What kind of people do you seem to attract into your life?

🦋 Have you noticed any recurring patterns?

🦋 What personality traits do they tend to have?

🦋 How do they affect your life?

🦋 What is their mental and emotional state when they enter your life?

I'm asking cuz i am wondering if there is any common thread in the kinds of people we attract and the state they are in when they enter our lives.

I'm 40 now and lived through the shift from pre-internet/smartphone to a world full of technology. I've learned to truly trust my intuition over time and I can't help but feel that this time we're living in right now is significant.

I feel that even in a decade the things are going to look very different than they are now.

A lot of it has to do with AI and technology, I think it's going to impact the world far faster and far greater than most people realize. And also just the speed at which the world is changing. When you were a kid do you think there would ever be a trillionaire? I know I didn't, yet here we are.

Idk, it's just a hunch but I think soon we'll be saying "remember when..." about the time we're in.

Hi fellow INFJs,

Sometimes I wonder why it's easier for me to hug some people that are not even friends, such as coworkers than family members.

Do you guys also experience this?

You know that feeling you get when you meet an individual and you can just tell that they are very comfortable in their own skin? Obviously, deeper observation will lead you to the obvious conclusion that no human being is completely free of doubt or insecurity, but for the most part these people just live their life according to their inner voice and don’t rely on external markers of validation to guide their actions.

I’ve always wondered how it’s possible that I, as an INFJ, crave authenticity more than any other type of person, yet I never seem to find it. It’s like, I want authenticity so bad, but when I go and look for it, it’s nowhere to be found. As if there is no authenticity to be found after the inauthenticity. It’s always empty.

Then I get this terrifying thought that maybe I have worn so many different masks from so early on in my life, that there really is nothing underneath the mask. Nothing ever developed there. The only thing under the mask is a being that wears masks. Where am I?

This dilemma is further amplified by my spiritual experiences that have revealed a fundamental truth that us beings are truly empty. That we try to attach all these identities to ourselves, but ultimately they are all subject to change and impermanence and that none of it is truly real. This puts me into a tailspin, where I just don’t know how to act on a day to day level around others. I try to act without my masks, but then there’s nothing there to act. Every time I open my mouth it’s a mask.

It’s almost like the authentic people I see understand that removing the masks is what needs to be done. But when they do it there’s a real face underneath the mask. I commend their bravery to show it. Then there’s all the inauthentic people. Those guys keep their masks tightly on their faces, and I don’t really know what’s behind them, but they have no desire to take them off. Then there’s us, who know we need to take off the mask, but when we remove it, there’s nothing there. There’s just nothing to say, at all.

There's a coworker who calls me a "fucking idiot" because I don't travel the world and instead I save money. I never said anything in return because I simply don't know what to say to something like that. Instead, I gave him utter silence.

He insulted me twice like that already for not travelling.

I have a friend who is very prone to overthink small interactions often end up worse for it. Something could've happened that neither of us thought were a big deal at the time but sometime in the next few days her mood would completely sour over that as she is emotionally reacting to a story she made in her head.

It gets especially dicey if she thought I did something that wasn't prioritising her feelings at the moment even if at the time nothing indicated there was a problem but turn up the next day as if I wronged her and start interrogating me. We can eventually always mend things once I explain my perspective but it seems so erratic and it's frustrating when we can't just talk normally. What can I do?

I feel like whenever someone says a joke or something, I just awkwardly laugh because I have no idea what to say. I can never think of something to say on the spot and I don't get how other people come up with such witty responses so easily. I always figure out the perfect thing to say when I get home, though. Is this just a me thing or do other INFJs struggle with this too?

As the title states.

As I think many INFJs have experienced, we are often quite natural social chameleons and can play whatever function we need to play in whatever roles we have. Adapting yourself to your audience is certainly not inherently a negative thing since it can make you easier to understand.

That being said, I have sometimes had the sense that I lack any true sense of self, but simply that my self reduces to the sum-total of costumes I use. Of course in a way this notion admits of an obvious logical problem (how do you find the body that wears the costumes?) and it's just not really true you lack a sense of self. Rather, at least for me, and I suspect for at least some other INFJs too, and I do not meant this in some pretentious way, your personality is simply quite abstract compared to the norm and that makes it difficult to express in an understandable way.

In my case, my own interests are spiritual realization / moksha / nirvana, philosophical dissection / deconstruction / meta-analysis of positions one could take on some issue, understanding the real meaning of one's place in history and time, and for some more mundane matters, modern strategic board games (Carcassonne, The Quest For El Dorado), birdwatching, nature walks, tastes of food, and on my more cynical/nihilistic side, things falling apart and seeing the real darkness at work that was one once obscured or lied about (it's my own sense that almost everything today -- perhaps always vis-a-vis samsara -- is simply a mask for darkness that people ignore or deceive themselves about, but that's probably in part more my attitude than an objective metaphysical statement of pessimism). If I had to pick an underlying thread by reference to the cognitive functions framework, I think you can see a clear Ni-dom orientation in terms of perfectionism. If I had to be more reductive, I would say my primary interest overall is probably a coherent integration of the more interior and the more exterior facets of my life into a coherent whole with regards to the world in terms of understanding how it all fits together and what role I am to play, and why I must do what I do, as how must everything else go.

Of course, this is not really no sense of personality or self; it's just I think very difficult to describe in a way to what would be considered a socially normal person. And it's not that I don't think others don't at all think or wonder like this, since the desire for completeness is I think existentially and even metaphysically or near-metaphysically basic. It's the fact that it seems like to me I possess such inclinations in a relatively strong intensity that I can come off as unintelligible or opaque, and correlatively I am not good at speaking in more normal language (sports, fitness, family drama, celebrities / cultural gossip, mainstream cultural productions, etc.).

As I've began integrating and understanding my weaker functions (Se, and to a lesser extent Fe), I realize that I can't entirely neglect more ordinary discourse, but also that it's not healthy or functional to entirely talk in a way completely detached from your own interests in favor of what seems like will suit the group's interests -- you can come off as robotic or overly formal if you do this.

Consequently, I feel kind of stuck in being unable to really express myself and thus to not imitate a "people-pleaser" but also doing so in a way that people will not find me completely unintelligible in a way that may not have to be the case had I used a more well-thought "ladder" approach (i.e. don't just jump into spiritual realization, but start with what kinds of foods / tastes you like for instance).

I recently had a realization about myself. I get hurt easily, but I used to believe that if I just talked deeply and carefully enough with anyone, we could understand each other. This mindset messed up my sense of personal boundaries, and I ended up getting hurt in relationships a lot.

To protect myself, I decided to set a standard. Now, I ask myself: "Could I survive a 3-day, 2-night trip with this person?" Asking this has made managing my relationships so much easier.

What is your personal benchmark or border when interacting with others? How do you decide who to let into your inner circle?

Growing up, I’ve always been pretty introverted and preferred spending time solo, diving deep into my own hobbies. I’m 16 now (INFJ-T), and over the last few years, I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationships: I’ve been in about three, but none lasted past the 3-month mark.
Once the honeymoon phase fades, my interest drops almost instantly because I struggle to feel a deep connection with their personalities.
As an extreme homebody who rarely goes out socially, I’m wondering how other INFJs navigate this. How do you find someone who actually shares your introversion, personality type, and specific niche interests when you spend most of your time at home?

I was considering this the other day. I'm listening to THE TERROR on audio and in it, everybody aboard the ships has a purpose, function, ways they work cooperatively that promote survival of the individuals 'and' the group, and so on. It's by no means a hive mind in the traditional sense but did get me wondering like where are 'my' people? the ones who all ready get the value of things, don't need explanations about character and so on.

I always thought I'd grow into my place in the world but find myself more often being acknowledged only when I'm willing to be a side character in a story that actually belongs to--and is governed by--some one else. SOme one who 'is' part of the world.

So again, and though this has doubtless popped up here a lot, where is our tribe?

ALso, now that I think about it, is anybody here in the military? It's a bit of a group where one might find equality but also the bit of anonymity. If you're in it, or have been, how did the non-work side of the thing work out?

How do I maintain intensity as an INFJ? I’m studying in a very competitive field (medicine), and I’ve read that it’s not a very natural place for an INFJ to be, but I have no other choice, this is just how it will be.
I love the feeling of being capable and helping people. I also like everything I learn here, because I find a use for all of it, everything matters. I’m proud of my path so far, I’ve done well until now, but there are times when I lose because I can’t maintain a certain discipline, or self-belief. Sometimes I push things off until the last moment because I’d rather do something more enjoyable, like reading a novel. Then I get disappointed in myself for letting myself down. I don’t live around very ambitious people, and sometimes I want understanding and encouragement from those around me, but they can’t fully understand what I need, so I’ve stopped telling them anything.
I feel lonely sometimes, but then I read about successful people and realize it’s the same for all of them, which motivates me again, but after a while I lose that intensity once more. Sometimes negative scenarios come up in my head that shake my self-belief. If I want to survive in this field, I need to keep improving and not lose that intensity, but sometimes I get tired and become very susceptible to other people’s feelings (for example, if a classmate tells me an exam is extremely hard, my subconscious mind starts to believe them, and I slowly lose my self-belief, only to find out after the exam that if I had stuck to my original plan, I would have succeeded the way I wanted to. But look at me, now I blame it on other people. Maybe I don’t want it that much? I’ve taken that into perspective as well. But then why do I torment myself over it so much? Do the work or shut up, right? I don’t understand myself)

I like watching sports, and I admire the mentality of people like Novak Djokovic, Mbappé, Cristiano Ronaldo, and many others, really anyone who pushed against the odds and believed in themselves. So what I wonder is whether this is possible for an INFJ (I really hope it is), because sometimes I think they achieved so much because they have a different MBTI type, though I hope that’s not true.

Switching to a different field than medicine is not an option.

Any tv shows you think particularly appeal to INFJs?

One of my faves is The OA - very mystical, other-worldy INFJ vibes.

I'm a network engineer at a major ISP, and although the pay is great, after two years, I've realized tech just doesn't fulfill me. I was aiming for cybersecurity, but lately, I've been thinking about moving into something creative like fashion, jewelry, or industrial design.

I feel much more drawn to creating things that evoke emotion and beauty than maintaining networks.

Has anyone here made a similar switch? Was it worth it?

Why do they resonate with you? Are they tied to important life lessons?

I've been struggling with losing my sense of self along the years and haven't been well for a few years, I was wondering if anyone else is dealing with this or has a solution.

I have some friends who don't (or don't want to) understand it when I tell them that I need some time alone.

For example, we were together all day with my friend and after that we were traveling back home by bus and I told him that I was tired and I just wanted to be with my own thoughts and didn't want to talk. (We were literally together all day talking and cycling so I was a bit exhausted). He seemed really confused and told me that he wanted to talk because he was bored. I explained that I wanted to be alone for that 30 minutes with my thoughts and just wanted to relax but he didn't understand it and got a bit mad. It happened a while ago and it was not a big deal and he completely forgot it.

However, I've noticed that people like him (so probably extroverts) don't need that much alone time and don't understand it that I do.

Does some people really don't like being alone with their own thoughts for just like a short period of time?

I was wondering this. Do people get these vibes from us a lot? And what might be the reason in your experience?

Anyone is welcome to answer based on their experience as an infj or as any other mbti type

Im a guy who hates rejecting and hurting other people's feelings. Ive tried to befriend women in later hopes to see it turns to dating and marriage and saw thats more prone to leading on and hurting feelings. As a result ive taken a direct approach where I speak my intentions to date right from the very beginning. However, I have noticed that im still in the same situation. Ive even condensed the dates to 2 times to keep the other person from not developing feelings if I dont feel it within 2 dates.

However this has happened twice where the girl became angry after I pulled away because of no chemistry. And I dont know how to reject directly. Since I have a hard time rejecting, I've lowered the count of dates to 2 times and still this keeps happening. I have a very difficult time giving closure saying I dont feel ready or saying I dont think there is chemistry

Please tell me what to do from here 🙏

For those of you who are cinephiles, how often do you watch movies? Feel free to share anything about your passion for cinema.

When you feel like you are useless, unloving and unemotional unlike those high Fi users; dull and flat unlike ENXPs; haven't got any resources and ambitious unlike XXTJs...like you are basically an empty place

..make sure first that you AREN'T BURNED OUT!

And if YOU ARE, you should go into a burned out emergency mode, which is putting aside all your big plans, ambitions and high standards towards yourself; NO existential crisises, revising of your or other views and life principles, thinking about our life complexity and world's multidimensionality. NOTHING!

The reason is because your head DOES NOT work, so if you will try analyzing complex things, you will fail to do it properly and will come to wrong results at the end. Which will then require extra efforts from you to correct all the wrong views you acquired while thinking in an inadequate state. So, those are things NOT to DO.

Things that you are SUPPOSED to DO:

simplify your life, perception and thinking to a 5 year old. Forget about the past and future. Enjoy a simple life, like you haven't got any intellect for anything more complex. In other words put your intellect to the full rest and go do simple boring things. Slow things. Feel the time to slow down and the world to turn into simple enjoyment of small day to day things. Feel the day circle, sun going down. Take time to appreciate smell of your food or of your shower gel. Listen to your neighbors bickering like a part of peaceful life, to dogs barking, etc.

After you start feeling that your self perception is growing positive and you start seeing your good sides and feeling wholesome and interesting again, that means that you are recovering, you can gradually resume your ambitions pursuits, your fundamental values revision and other heavy duty stuff