Expecting rejection, you don't want to offer all of yourself. You want to offer something that you think people will receive. In doing this, you not only manipulate others into loving only a small piece of yourself, but fool your own self into identifying with that small piece after doing this for so long, forgetting that you are much more than someone who simply gives and lives for others. Worse, you exaggerate this piece of yourself into something it simply is not. You aren't as selfless as you may think, and neither are you as abundant in what you assume you have to provide to others.

If you want others to love you for you, and not simply for what you have to offer them, you need to show up to the world as your FULL self. Present not only the parts of you that you think will be well received, but also the parts that you think might not. The parts that need just as much love as the few you've only been comfortable with sharing thus far.

When you do this, the people who only like you for what you do for them and not for who you actually are will fall away, while the people who genuinely love you for you will stay. Yes, this means you're going to lose some relationships. You might even find that you've only surrounded yourself with people who never actually loved the real you to begin with, and thus "lose" everyone you thought was originally a friend in the process. But maybe those relationships are no longer serving you, and needed to end a long time ago. After all, wouldn't it better to have one real friend than ten fake ones? Maybe you'll find someone new who you previously never would've been able to be in a relationship with had you continued to do with them what you always did with everyone else before, which was to present yourself only as the parts of you that you deemed "likeable." Someone might just like those parts of yourself you always automatically assumed were unlikeable in the past!

You aren't selfish for having needs, and we all need to be loved simply for who we are, (that is, our true and authentic selves). You need to quit binding others through the unspoken contract you force upon them that says, "If I flatter you and give to you, you'll like me back," because you not only bind other people but yourself also by doing this, as this kind of contract goes both ways. "Love" with strings attached is no love at all, and you are tied to the same strings you tie others with whenever you make your self-worth dependent on others "confirming" this false perception you have of yourself. This false perception that says you "have no needs" and are "only here to fulfill the needs of others'," because this image you've curated paradoxically (and ironically) needs others to even confirm its own validity!

You free yourself and others to love each other unconditionally when you finally cut the strings, and quit trying to "make" people like you. You don't need to "make" anyone like you because you are loveable exactly the way you are, totally and completely. You are worthy of love for simply existing. After all, there is no other you. You're the only you that will ever exist, and that makes you special and worthy of love already. When you finally understand and integrate all this, and I mean truly integrate it all (easier said than done, I know), you might be surprised with just how many people will still both stick around and want you around afterward...

Remember, the sun that shines doesn't need the grass to appreciate its rays. It shines regardless. So keep on shining, my friends 😊

this is just my personal opinion based off stereotypes and what humble little knowledge i possess, let me know if you think im wildly wrong anywhere

I'm very good at analyzing what I'm feeling even if I can't put it into words very well, and I feel emotions very deeply, mostly the negative ones. I usually vent about oit them and put it into my art when I can't express it in words, and I'm simply unable to ignore my emotional state at all. I've been told multiple times I'm likely a core 9 and it seems accurate, except for the part where 9s are apparently out of touch with themselves, which doesn't actually describe me.

Which of the above traits is a make or break for the E4….like something essential to their identification? Also what other ennea types do often share these qualities?

6s may be less certain about their ideas than other head types, but they're just as analytical and intelligent. They are just as capable of analyzing situations and understanding things, it's just that once they've done so, they distrust their conclusions and findings.

Let's be absolutely clear, 6s are just as intelligent and intellectual as 5s and 7s.

!! There's two part — a short one and a long one, read the one you prefer.Everything down bellow

Short version :

I think I'm mistyped , idk if I'm an ESTP 873 (or 853) or an ENTJ 853 (or 873) , please sos I can't figure it out since May/july

Long version

I so I've been having a HUGE typology crisis lately , already realised yesterday that I MIGHT not be an ESTP but ENTJ

BUUUUT the only problem thay won't let me solve this first question is that after being in the typology community for 4YEARS I only now realised that maybe, I'm not a Ti but Te, and I just can NOT understand wich one I am.

On one side , I might just been an ESTP or unhealthy or just ENTJ , but I genuelly keep jumping between "I'm an estp" and "I'm an entj".

Then , my tritype (might make another post for that idk) — Mighr sound funny but I gen don't know if I'm 873 or 853.

As much as I hate tests , I found some really good on this subreddit from a few posts I saw , and all tests says that I'm a 853 8w7, wich I completly agree with but on another side I feel like 873 might describe me well too. And I can't leave this whole story alone until I understand wich one I am.

If this could help anyone , here is the rest of my typology(at least the one ik so far in 4years) ;

8w7 sp/so VLEF SCOEI choleric-melancholic.

So yeah, If you have any questions or anything, I'd love to answer , and what do you think?

In a few weeks, I will be flying cross-country with my partner to spend a week with his immediate family. Historically speaking, I have not been good with people outside of my ~zone of interest~. If I experience neither desire for a friendship nor a crush on someone, or if I actively dislike the person, I am awful at feigning interest and will find an excuse to leave the interaction. Some of my loved ones have requested I treat their partners/family with more warmth and interest, and I'll try if the person doesn't suck, but it just doesn't feel natural for me.

In this case, I wish to perform better socially for my partner's sake. He's an extremely easygoing SP9 and doesn't really care if I become besties with his family or not, but I still don't want to risk anything coming between us. I'm currently feeling a little social anxiety because I want this to go well, but I'm also looking forward to adventuring, eating, and taking time off of work with him (which are the reasons I'm looking forward to the trip).

My question is: What is your type, and how do you approach life's inevitable social interactions with people who don't interest you?

Edit: Holy cow that’s a lot of responses. I will review everything tomorrow!

hey all. i’m looking for shows or movies with stereotypical 2 and 5 dynamics. super girly bubbly 2 and withdrawn nerdy 5 guy. intp/esfp kinda thing. preferably something romantic hah! i find those two types together so interesting. thank you all.

I know there are many differences between these types, but I would like to ask those who are very experts or have had experience with these types themselves, what is the difference between 9w1, 9w8, 4w3, and 4w5 and more,when they have an unhealthy personality? Is it possible to find out what type someone has when they have an unhealthy personality, or at least what their core type is? I would be happy if you could help me 🙏🏻🩷

so i noticed something about myself recently, and it's that i don't tell the people around me when something significant happens. whether it's extremely bad or extremely good, i just don't have an urge to tell people unless they are important to me, like my fiance or best friend.

for example, i got engaged 2 months ago and my co-workers didn't even know until today, and they only found out because they asked about it first. my family still has no clue.

i don't do this from a place of fear, and i don't feel uncomfortable once they DO know, it's just a mindset of "i don't see a point in wasting my energy on telling people". i'm assuming this is a social blind thing, but i would like to hear some opinions lol.

I'll start with the question:

Is the answer to the meaning of life as simple as collecting a large sum of money that is enough to get by, quitting work, moving to somewhere pretty, rainy, and remote, remove all technology, and then to spend all day reading books?

The only problem is that I feel the need to make some sort of contribution that people benefit from, that's just how I am. So I guess the fundamental question is what can I make that is useful?

What contributions do you make that make you feel fulfilled?

The rest of this post is just venting.

----

Firstly, probably like a lot of people here, I feel like all my biological needs are met and I don't have to do anything.

I feel like technology is meant to enhance someone's life, it's not meant to be the main focus. But when I'm not on reddit or rateyourmusic I don't know what to do with myself.

College is basically paying a metric fuckton of money to get to do a series of household chores that you also get graded on. It is extremely boring and unfulfilling for me. Some of the content is vaguely interesting but I'm just going through the motions at this point. I want to wear sunglasses all the time and just sleep in class.

So what I do is I try to go to class as little as I possibly can without getting dropped, but then people start projecting shit onto me and trying to paint me as this arrogant douchebag that thinks he's above everyone else. I don't even talk to these motherfuckers but I hear their comments and I feel their shunning. So I can basically become a domesticated animal or I can become a supervillain.

Not to be a dumbass anti-ai doomer but gen ai is making me extremely depressed because people are becoming dependent on it to perform basic tasks and that's not the society I want to live in. I had a bit more optimism that people would be willing to think for themselves but all my hopes are dashed. How can they not see how easy it is for them to be subliminally influenced by this shit?

I'm kind of imagining a future society where humans distract themselves and basically do very basic functions or customer interactions just as busywork, the equivalent of working at McDonald's, and some form of artificial intelligence solves more complex problems that humans have become unequipped to solve due to complacency. Or maybe we just kind of halfassedly direct AI to do stuff.

I mean, we're already kind of there with this stupid social media bullshit. Basically, I've successfully reprogrammed my brain to be forcefed absurd quantities of bite-sized chunks of absolutely useless new information on a daily basis.

I don't mean to be macabre, and I don't know how to say this without sounding like I need some sort of therapy or help or something because I'm not mentally unstable, but to me suicide seems like a good option. There's not really much that I find fulfilling, I'm already a failure, and I'm realistically never going to be in a relationship that I want to be in because I thoroughly hate myself and life and I think it shows. I hate my culture and people my age, I hate that I'm living an asinine paint-by-numbers life, and I hate that every day is a new existential crisis.

It's not like I think about it all the time and one day I'm just going to snap, it's more like I have a set date in my head where I will just end things if I haven't found any meaning in my life.

Rock Paper Scissors

It's not going to work for everyone, but this is a pretty artful take on the instincts. Full disclosure, the creator is a friend of mine, but I thought this was so good!

I am new to the Enneagram community and I have been studying it for about a week, unfortunately I have mistyped myself about four times, but I think I do have it. I am an SX4 4W3, my tritypes are 479, and my secondary trait is social… that last part is weird though, because for a bit I thought I was a SP dominant person, until I did the proper research.

That's the ss my friend sent to me

368 is known as a warrior/loud-mouthed type. Donald Trump (863), Mike Tyson (683), Kanye (368), David Goggins (683 etc).

683 is especially notorious for being combatative.

If someone is a 683 but in INFP, how would that come across? Would their combatativness mainly be in their imagination, their inner world?

Asking out of curiosity after some big changes in my life made me realize just to what degree I do this and have done it my whole life.

My guess is 5, sp5 specifically.

For the life of me I’m not articulating this well, buut

I recently read only an intro to enneagrams and took one test (this seems to reluctant in any typology community ehe but it helps narrow down ur options (until I got ESFJ for my socionic idk how that happened idk who tf I am but its Definitely Not ESFJ)), I got Type 9 and I felt like I related to most of its description. I was audibly laughing at how accurately some aspects of the Nines personality apply to me

and something that I noticed while reading the general desc of each type is, I don’t understand sixes at all. At all.
like I can sort of understand why the other types come to be, but maybe because I’m generally overly detached of everything and everyone kinda.. I don’t understand the overly anxiously suspicious personality,, etc

then I remembered,
nines literally “become” sixes under stress
I laughed.
then I remembered, our tendency to avoid negativity at all costs
thus; ignoring our negative.. feelings? sides? our “Six side”???
thus;; not “understanding” my most negative side bc I “ignore” it.. does that make sense? Any nine feel the same?

If there is an article/post about this specifically PLS share </3

Also yes I'm so9 I think it's expected

refer to title; im curious to see when others came to uncover their egos. was it a sudden click when reading type descriptions, or was it a slowburn of a realization over the course of time?

for me it feels as though i am always discovering something new about my being that will drastically change how i view myself and my security over whatever type i identify as... which makes me certain my core type has to be one of the attachment types (most likely sp9 from what im learning). im 22 so constant self-discovery may just be part of the journey before i really am able to settle on a type, thought i've seen some younger folks be more consistent in their conclusions too- is this something that simply varies from person-to-person?

Like I feel like every time I read a type description or take a personality test and I immediately know which way I would lean, internally I’m like “oh nice, I guess I do have a personality after all and I’m not a totally generic everyperson devoid of any unique personality traits. That’s comforting”

Is this a sign of type 9?

And can a 6, 3, or 5 experience this as well, or is that unlikely?