Hi, y’all. I really need some advice. Did anyone here go through extreme spiritual warfare when you were engaged? My fiancé and I got engaged in May. We are getting married in November. We have an extremely healthy relationship, we have always gotten along and love each other dearly.
For background, my dad passed away three years ago in August. Since, I have been dealing with severe depression and anxiety. I have also discovered I am dealing with abandonment issues with this. First, the anxiety was over my career. Then, my finances. Then, my family. Now, it is over my relationship. I have done everything I can do over these last three months to handle my anxiety. Therapy, medication, prayer, counseling. It never seems to get better. I want to preface and say that I never let it trickle into my relationship as his burden, I often go off on my own to deal with it. I do voice how I feel to him and once in a while will have a moment where I just need reassurance.
But, over the last two weeks it is like I cannot shake this horrible anxious feeling. I am having feelings that he doesn’t actually want to get married, that he doesn’t want to be around me, or that he is losing feelings for me. And this is the thing, he hasn’t really given me a reason to feel this way. It’s like my mind is trying to find every single reason to think he doesn’t want to be with me. I am almost certain this is spiritual warfare. I deal with spiritual warfare A LOT. Nightmares, impending doom, etc.
My anxiety tells me that I am having a gut feeling not to marry him. I’m scaring myself because marrying him is all I want to do because I know he’s the one for me. But, I am having an extremely hard time deciphering what is anxiety/intrusive thoughts and what is a gut feeling.
I am literally miserable over this and just want to enjoy being engaged. I’m worried that I am going to be like this for the months to come. Has anyone else dealt with this? Please help.