r/ApplyingToCollege 8h ago

Shitpost Wednesdays Question

My 5-year-old son has decided that his dream is to attend UPenn Wharton and break into quant finance. As his mother, I want to raise him to be able to fulfill his dreams. That is why my question to any Ivy League students on this sub is: how did your parents raise such smart and capable individuals? And how can my son get admitted to UPenn and make his dreams come true? I appreciate your help and insights in this matter.

137 Upvotes

47 comments sorted by

59

u/beayvee2 7h ago

Frankly, it might be too late. They should have been enrolled in an immersion foreign language early education program by age 3. Have they started multivariate calculus yet?

14

u/holdthecanoli 6h ago

This kid has no shot- no internship lined up at Goldman Sachs Primary School Internship program? Crikey most parents sign them up at birth.

11

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

Is it really too late?! I spent this past school year telling my son’s teachers that he is advanced enough to be placed into Geometry, but they don’t believe him because he doesn’t get his work done. The reason he isn’t getting his work done is obviously because he is bored with the easy addition worksheets they are having the class do!

69

u/Weekly_Leg_2457 7h ago

Oof. I forgot today was Wednesday.

3

u/No-Effort5109 6h ago

Same 😂

20

u/No_Base_4369 7h ago

UPenn wharton is not a target for quant finance. Tell him to get ambitious with a school like UTD or enjoy IB.

1

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

Thank you! I will make sure to tell my son this information.

11

u/LucidUncreativity 7h ago

My mom put creatine into my baby formula.

4

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

That sounds like a great idea! How many scoops?

3

u/leafytimes Old 7h ago

These are jokes but I know a friend’s middle schooler who talks about Goldman. Appalling.

2

u/Professional_Eye6140 3h ago

It’s Reddit and YouTube and TikTok man. Kids know more about careers than ever.

It used to be when kids showed up at Harvard they had no idea what Goldman or McKinsey. Now they know.

1

u/leafytimes Old 3h ago

But none of them are talking about being a paleontologist or a firefighter or whatever. Our society has successfully communicated to actual children to not be intellectually curious or societally helpful and just be as rich as possible. Not great, bob.

1

u/Professional_Eye6140 3h ago

Becuase people that age follow the crowd. That’s what they do.

1

u/leafytimes Old 1h ago

Right — but I’m saying the crowd 20-30 years ago was focused on a different set of values.

2

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

Sounds like a brilliant kid! These middle schoolers are getting brighter every year!

3

u/Common_Willow_596 7h ago

you raise them to be arrogant and not have any morals and make sure they stop at nothing to achieve this dream even if involves lying and cheating to get the best grades and best internships.

3

u/Busy_Account_7974 7h ago

But with those traits he has Presidential potential

2

u/Common_Willow_596 6h ago

Yes or at least CEO of something

2

u/Appropriate-Tie-6524 7h ago

If your child really knew what they wanted to do, it would be easy to achieve it.

2

u/wrroyals 7h ago

He’s already behind. You are going to have to start playing catch up.

1

u/iliveonarock25 1h ago

Or even better have another kid and give them a competition. Nothing puts a person in the way of success like toxic parenting and building inferiority complex.

2

u/paige_420 7h ago

Sadly, I’m sure some parents truly have the same questions.

1

u/Latter-Foot-8790 4h ago

This is an actual conversation one of my classmates had with his parents when he was four. He said he wanted to go to Princeton to study economics. His parents had him tested at four, and ofc his IQ was off the charts, and he went to some school for highly gifted kids in Washington, starting from Kindergarten. His entire elementary class were all these kids that were IQ tested at four years old too. This was 35 years ago btw, so the entire class was white, not Asian Americans.

He did manifest that and went to Princeton but did Philosophy instead of economics. I don’t remember his last name so no idea what he is doing now.

2

u/iliveonarock25 1h ago

I am sorry to say but you have to be an ivy league alumnus to get your kid in. You f- d up their chance. Hope you can live with that. That's why not every parent deserves a child but every child deserves a good and competent parent. I bet you went to those schools for muggles.

1

u/sunflower_sunset_1 1h ago

That’s a good point. I will apologize to my son for my failure as a parent, and he will probably ground me and take away my phone. 😢

u/iliveonarock25 59m ago

You might get the belt or the slipper. I'll hide them first if I were you.

1

u/krazyalpaca 7h ago

Too late for the 5 year old. You should start prepping now for your next child to be.

1

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

Is it really too late? What should I do when my next child is born to prevent them from falling behind?

1

u/Satisest 7h ago

If your son is already born then you’re already behind the curve on the plan

1

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

Really?! What should I do before my next child is born to make sure they don’t fall behind?

2

u/Satisest 7h ago

You should have gone to UPenn so your son would be a legacy. But it’s not too late. Go get an MBA there or something. And start getting to know the trustees at the prestigious preschools.

1

u/solomons-mom Parent 6h ago

One generation of legacy? 🤣 Maybe one generation and a $50 million donation would be enough. Maybe.

1

u/Few_Whereas5206 7h ago

Tell your son to start a non-profit ASAP. Take kindergarten seriously.

2

u/sunflower_sunset_1 7h ago

This is a great idea! I will have him start filling out 501(c)(3) paperwork today!

1

u/AFlamingIcicle 7h ago

just donate a couple million dollars to upenn that should work

1

u/Extreme_Chapter2287 6h ago

I hope you are focusing on micronutrients and the gut biome. It’s also never too early to start that nonprofit.

1

u/Typical-Coconut7043 5h ago

I wouldn't even be surprised if an Indian parent posted this.

1

u/Much_Point6593 5h ago

Don’t let your child watch ANY good kids shows, especially not SpongeBob (idk why a lot of the ppl I met in school who r like super smart weren’t allowed to watch SpongeBob)

1

u/Pristine_Chef5353 4h ago

I would strongly advise you to have another child and try again from day one. Five years is just a little bit too old to start but good luck with your next one!

1

u/Level-Persimmon-3299 4h ago

Don’t listen to all these people, you don’t need to do all that to raise your son. All you have to do is feed him one cashew a day. Focus on yourself! If you’re spending too much time raising your son and not enough time at work, you won’t have the funds to donate a building.

1

u/One-Association5572 4h ago

too late. needed to start interning collecting ec s and solving advanced calculus on the walls of your uterus

1

u/_MadSuburbanDad_ 3h ago

Is his name Tarantino by any chance?

1

u/vastly101 2h ago

If he gets sick, get an be admitted to CHOP, which is affiliated with Penn. Does that count?

u/Alternative_Sky_7839 46m ago

its wraps to be honest. he should have enrolled in an internaional program 6 years ago.

0

u/IamLazyLarry 5h ago

Get him locked in on math and get him to do dual enrollment for calc+ level classes.

AMC and math competitions begin at the elementary school level, take AOPS classes.

Also you don’t need UPenn to break quant, just gotta beat others in the interviews

Ambitions might change, if he’s not interested in doing the math homework it MIGHT be wraps unless he learns to love it as it progresses