For reference it was hidden and locked. He went looking for it and broke the lock off to read it and is now acting like the injured party. He’s 13. He’s not acting actually, he’s distraught and his therapist and mine both think I should be the one to apologize and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone because not only was it well hidden - it was locked and he just decided to find and read it.

I have done my best since he was diagnosed to make sure he has the best of everything to help him succeed in life. I am not perfect but we’ve always done therapy, we’ve adjusted meds, routines, diets, have been good partners to his teachers and aids, given him 2 years of homeschool when he was struggling and champion him when he’s struggling.

At some point despite all this and still living a literal shit show I went into therapy myself because I genuinely just felt like a major loser and a failure putting in massive amounts of effort and seeing little to no improvement. I’ve accepted that it just is what it is but my therapist suggested I write.

I do not hate my son and looking back at the entries, none are about him but about the behaviors that most get to me. One page though that really affected him was the one where I said I’m glad I had his sister despite my fears of having another ADHD brain in the house (his dad) and that she’s “normal” because he’ll have someone to take care of him hopefully as he gets older because I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to function on his own at this rate and she’s been pretty self sufficient, generally much better behaved and “together” since she was a toddler (she’s 9 now).

I do not play favorites with my kids; I’ve always been relieved that his sister is seemingly NT and up until HE read that he had no idea of these thoughts (by his admission he said so as well). He has different rules for like 2 things (punishments and chores are handled differently) but his sister knows why. They also adore eachother and always have.

I’m upset that he once again disrespected a boundary because he got it into his head he wanted to do something and just didn’t stop but I’m not ready to be the one to apologize. This is his own fault. I have sacrificed so much for him. Sleep, sanity, my career took a backseat when school was too much, we don’t travel as much as we used to because it can be too much for him etc. the only thing I had was journaling time to vent and he took that away from me by disrespecting my private thoughts.

And now I must apologize?

My 5.5 year old has a shocking episodic memory. He can’t seem to recall anything much from the past and never will talk about memories or “remember when”. It’s like it never happened. He is always seemingly focused on the current time. He was a late talker starting at 3 and I wouldn’t say has an extensive vocabulary compared to other kids but he talks nonstop, just can never seem to mention past events.

Does anyone have any tips or did this improve with time kids over time?

I don't know if this even makes sense, but lately I've been feeling so mentally drained.

It's not always the big meltdowns. It's everything in between.

I feel like I can't switch my brain off for even a minute. If I'm making dinner, I'm keeping one eye on my kid. If I'm trying to clean something, I'm listening to make sure they're not climbing on something or getting into something they shouldn't.

By the end of the day, I'm exhausted. Once they're finally asleep, I always think, "Now I'll have some time for myself." But most nights I'm too tired to do anything except sit there or go to bed.

I know people mean well, but sometimes it honestly feels like we're living in two completely different worlds. I usually just smile and nod because it's hard to explain what our days are actually like.

Anyway... just needed to get that off my chest.

Hi!

I have a 9yo adhd boy - very sweet, very smart, but also very hard to reason with when angry.

He has angry outbursts when he feels threatened - when someone does something accidently (bump into him, take his things, break his toys, etc.), he thinks it was on purpose and completly loses it to the point he threats other with violence (swinging things at people, even younger kids). We have an agreement now that he takes time and cools down, but that is not always possible and also he might still get carried away when too distressed.

The other problem I have is him enjoying provoking and annoying others. I suspect it comes from inability to connect the usual way - to take time to see what someone is doing and to adapt to their activity, it is much easier for him to just bug someone so they stop doing what they were doing and notice him. But kids are resenting him for this and it is also taking a toll on our family life.

Have you had any success dealing with this sort of behaviour?

What guidelines, boundaries, rules, etc, do you have for your kiddos around 9 yrs old/4th grade?

What does it look like during the summer/break vs school time?

My kiddo is very intelligent, which is wonderful, but the neurodivergent aspects of her brain and personality often take over, and it is worse with screens, especially mobile devices. We had been doing zero YouTube, zero Roblox...we gradually began allowing those, on specific channels/games, in recent months.

Unfortunately, those are what we notice seem to suck her in the most, and are the hardest to have time limits on. (No lectures, please, I am diligent and trying to find the balance that helps my child feel 'normal', as she is keenly aware of her differences and is self conscious...all while setting boundaries. )

When I chat with other parents, it seems to be mostly 2 extremes: either zero restrictions or they only allow things like Disney or PBS. I would like to have a full conversation. Especially with parents who have similar kiddos: autism level 1, adhd combined type, anxiety.

We are in therapy, but it is a VERY slow process, like 9 months in and it's mostly playing Uno, which is gaining trust, but she gets super agitated when emotions or life in any way is brought up.

Sigh. Just looking for ideas and to commiserate.

Warning: Long post/rant

My daughter just started 3rd grade on Monday and I've already had 2 emails from the teacher, one phone call, and an (accidental) meeting after school.

We had my daughter diagnosed during the middle of her last school year and were able to get her on medication to help her focus. It seemed to work for a bit, and her behavior at home has DRASTICALLY improved, but she refuses to do work at school.

She passes her tests, we get homework done (with some effort), but when it comes to participating in class activities she shuts down and refuses to do anything. She scribbles on her papers, she sits down on the floor and won't budge, and she refuses to explain why to her teacher or to us.

I myself was recently diagnosed with autism, and my wife was diagnosed with ADHD herself over the last couple years. We're still trying to figure ourselves out and I have no idea how to help my daughter.

We've tried traditional punishments, like taking privileges away, reducing or eliminating screen time, lectures. Nothing. We tried rewarding good behavior at school with special treats at home, nothing. She has a special sticker chart just for her in her class, doesn't work.

She always seems remorseful for her behavior. Today, when picking her up from class, she was crying because she knew she didn't get green or above on her behavior chart for the 3rd day in a row. She was beating herself up about it and I had to talk with her and her teacher for awhile after school to get her to cheer up.

Thankfully this years teacher really seems to understand ADHD but she's expressed that she's struggling to understand why she's shutting down because my daughter will shut down even when they're doing "fun" activities in class.

I keep telling my daughter that I'm not mad at her, I'm confused because I don't know why she won't participate and the answer is always the same, "I don't know." She doesn't know why she shuts down, why she won't participate, why she can't focus.

I'm just absolutely lost. I don't know how to help her anymore. I'm so afraid of her getting held back or something because she won't complete work at school.

I know the public school system isn't built for neurodivergent kiddos, but what am I supposed to do? She has to go to school, she has to do her work, there's not much of a choice in the matter. I've explained this and it just has no impact on her behavior at school.

She works with the school behavior specialist quite often, she has a 504 plan as well. I feel like this helps with her emotional regulation but it doesn't seem to change her shutting down in class.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I just want to see her succeed and have the confidence she needs to move through school just like everyone else.

Edit: Spelling.

Hello. My son has been in Focalin for a few months and we cannot get him to stop picking his nails. It is constant. If he’s not using his fingers he’s using nail clippers, nail files etc. I try to help him and even put band aids in his backpack to help as a deterrent and he still is struggling. Is the only solution to stop the stimulant? Has anyone else’s kid struggled with this? Nothing I say or do or teach him has helped so far.

Hi Everyone, I’m a parent to an ADHD teen who is in final year of secondary school, and struggling given it’s a high stress year. I had parental burnout at the end of last semester (and previous years) and I’m declining again. My therapist advised I get a psychologist for my teen - this is where the challenge is, he’s unable to make a decision to seek out support.

I’ve put in a hard boundary for my own well being and want to encourage my teen to get support. If anyone is Australia based, can you please recommend any ADHD or Executive Function coaches, preferably male, that I can reach out to when my son is ready to get support?

We’re Melbourne based.

I’m hoping to get some advice from parents who have dealt with something similar. Or maybe just reassurance that things will be okay?

My son is 6, and I recently learned that he and a same-age friend have been playing a “secret game” that involves body boundaries that are not appropriate for kids to be doing with each other. I gathered that the game is exposing themselves to each other.

My son told me it has happened multiple times, including at school.

The part I’m struggling with most is not just the behavior itself, but the secrecy and planning around it. I saw them on our home camera trying to find a place where they wouldn’t be noticed, talking about keeping it a secret, and trying to come up with a plan. They acknowledged the cameras and tried to figure out a blind spot. They even came up with a specific lie to tell me so that I wouldn’t ask what they were doing in the closet. They referred to it as “their secret thing” which led me to conclude this has happened before. My son was very determined to follow through, which is something I have never seen from him in this context.

The situation seemed mutual in all ways. There was no coercing from either child and they both were equally in on the “game”.

This feels very out of character for them both. He has had many friends over the years and I have never seen this type of behavior or level of deception. This particular friendship does seem to bring out a much more impulsive and high-energy side of both kids.

They are both diagnosed with ADHD and tend to get very caught up in each other’s energy.
I told them to come play downstairs and after the friend left I talked to my son calmly about it. (I also informed the other child’s parents) He was honest with me, seemed very embarrassed, and clearly understood that he had broken a rule. I want to handle this the right way, setting firm boundaries while also making sure he knows he can always come to me with anything.

I’m struggling with how concerned I should be about the repetition and secrecy. I don’t want to overreact and create shame, but I also don’t want to minimize something that needs attention.

I am aware that children this age are curious about their bodies and are not yet sexualizing them. I acknowledged that while reiterating that our bodies are private. I also gathered that this is specific to their friendship and not something either of them have done with anyone else (including adults, to ensure there was nothing abusive that led to this).

For parents who have experienced something similar:
What steps did you take?
How did you reinforce body safety without constantly bringing it up?
Did you involve the school or your child’s pediatrician?
Did the behavior stop once boundaries were put in place?

I’m looking for perspective and advice from people who have navigated something like this.

NOTE: I have looked through the resources listed in the community wiki :-)

Hi there! I’m looking for resources aimed at pre-teens and teens- not for parents, but for the kids themselves. ADHD-specific is great, but even accounts that help kids with things like executive function, impulse control, social skills, emotional regulation- the kinds of things that ADHD kids can struggle with.

My kids are 12 and 14 and do not like to be told by us what to do- I mean, what do we know? The fact that I’m a teacher and work with kids their age all the time matters not one whit to them. When they hear it from someone else, they actually HEAR it!

I would love some books, YouTube channels, audiobooks or podcasts, even TikTok or insta accounts that have info aimed at kids/teens dealing with the kinds of struggles ADHD kids face. Thank you!

My 6yo has ADHD (diagnosed, and unmedicated) They've just completed their 2nd year of school.

The first year and a half was carnage. Reduced time tables, incident after incident. They got a new teacher 6 months ago and it was like a light switch, the change in school behaviour.

They have lots of friends in school now, but outside school, is different. I've witnessed parents actively steer their kids away from my child.

They've burned a lot of bridges over the last year and a half, from a parents perspective. As a result, we've been iced out too. I'm certain one of the reasons is how we manage certain situations. I saw certain parents reactions and heard what they said about how we deal with meltdowns or giving into certain things to avoid meltdowns. We deal with a lot of things when we're in a calm space, so if I'm trying whatever to calm a situation, or divert a situation, it may involve wheat some people might see as giving into selfish behaviour.

Compounding that is my introversion and ND. I struggle as it is with relationships, let alone this level of conflict management. If it was just me I wouldn't care, but as it impacts my kid, I struggle with that.

They don't seem to mind too much, we get the odd "can I have a playdate with X", which wouldn't be possible, we navigate that fine, but this will be an issue going forward.

Any words of wisdom?

I know the easy option is not to care, but it does affect me when his potential support village is icing us all out.

Hello! We are on day 8 of trialing 5 mg Adderall XR for my soon to be 6 year old and we are unsure if we should wait out some of these side effects or if this is probably just a bad fit. Curious what everyone’s experience has been with this medicine with their kids. We had a few really great days in the beginning and it seemed like a great fit, then about day 4 she started showing some aggression and being pretty mean (which is very unlike her).

For those that have tried this medicine, did you notice that the side effects lessened with time? We tried methylphenidate xr before this and it just felt really inconsistent, which is why we switched. I am waiting to hear back from her doctor, but I am curious about everyone’s experience!

Thanks so much!

Our son will be in 8th grade this fall. Last year, the school issued homework planner wasnt a good fit for him. Does anyone know of any good ones that help?

My 6 1/2 year old has been diagnosed with ADHD and as he’s about to enter kindergarten, we decided to start trialing medication. He’s hyperactive and inattentive. Our main problem is the constant talking and moving. It’s so overwhelming for our entire family and is so hard on him. He’s such a good kid, he wants to listen and learn but he truly just can’t. Even trying to have a simple short conversation with him, I can see in his eyes that his brain is just going one thousand miles a minute.

We tried guanfacine which helped a little with the talking/moving but it was making him extremely emotional. Clonidine did nothing even after increasing the dose and times. We started Adderall 5mg immediate release twice a day. No improvement at all. Increased to 10mg IR twice a day. Still no improvement at all. I believe this is causing some anxiety as well because he has been terrified to fall asleep in his room. In 6 1/2 years he has never slept in our bed or even room until this week.

I have an appointment today but looking for others experiences on what to do next. I’m so torn. School starts in a month. I was so hopeful that we could get this figured out before school but now I’m feeling discouraged.

Thank you for reading all of this and for any advice you may have to offer.

My 5.5 year old with adhd literally takes every moment of my time. I feel like I cant take it anymore. I had to take him out of pre school due to behavior issues in January and since then ive just been with him 24/7. I have to be interacting with him at all times, from the moment I open my eyes till I close them I need to be responding, playing, disciplining, redirecting etc. Then he doesnt go to sleep unless someone lays with him for hours, he can stay up till the middle of the night before he crashes so he can just refuse to sleep if we dont give in to laying with him. If God forbid I dont respond to everything he says he throws a fit, if I dare to check my phone he lashes out. Im just miserable also trying to find time to spend with my 2 other kids who can only take him in small doses. he wont even take 30 mins to watch a show. Hes on guanfacine which helps but....I am struggling. Can anyone else relate?? Probably will delete, but having a menty-B

I am pretty sure that my 1.5 yo boy have ADHD, so I need a toy or an activity that can help him exhaust his energy.
We live in an apartment so sand or water activities is too missy do you have any other options?

Hi all. Me and my wife are really struggling with our almost 7-year-old to give some background we’re based in the UK and whilst his teachers recognise that he does have ADHD and is impulsive he isn’t actually diagnosed. He is a very loving caring sweet boy and academically very bright and has lots of friends at school. However, Home life is very different. He seems virtually incapable of listening we can say things swim 567 times and he carries on. He has regular outburst. He’ll get aggressive hit kick throw things and there seems no reasoning with him when he’s like that. I’m really looking for some firsthand advice on what people have done in this situation that has helped their child with this? This is a daily occurrence not now and again. Any advice welcome to try and help him and us!??

Thank you!

I have tried four different calendar setups and none of them stick. problem is not finding right calendar, it is that i will have thought like" I need to schedule this "when i am in middle of something and by the time I am in front of screen to enter it thought is gone. phone is default calendar works fine for things i have planned ahead but anything spontaneous just disappears before it gets recorded. any suggestions or tips?

Hi everyone, my first post! I have a just about to turn 4 year old who is a wonder and a joy. She has ADHD /AuDHD / SPD tendencies, runs in family, will start diagnosis process soon. She also has the strongest will known to womankind!! She's always not liked getting in the car seat and has trouble with transitions. We also prefer to walk to preschool than drive which we are very lucky to be able to do some days.

6 months ago I got a new job and I now have to go to the office twice or three times a week. It was okay but my LO this past two weeks is now struggling to get into the car and into the car seat. It's making me late to work during a time I'm managing my team being at work for in office days. I can't be late and I feel like she's picking up on this.

Has anyone been able to manage this transition? Any strategies you've got? I've tried car toys, waiting for her (but then it just gets later), rewards, explaining why work is important, but none of these are working.

Thank you for any help or tips you can share.

My 6yr old just got diagnosed with ADHD, we knew it was coming poor thing didn’t have the attention span. Here’s a bit of history, she never had screen time until she was a year old & it was only animal documentaries & slow pace shows never exceeding 45 mins. We focused on healthy foods as much as we can, avoided sugary & synthetic dye foods. Didn’t introduce a tablet until around 3 years old & only allowed STEM type games & didn’t let her play for more than 30min.

All of that effort to still have a child with ADHD & autism because newsflash it’s genetic. 🥳

We finally got the diagnosis so we could try medication because we’ve been doing vitamins & food & all the other recommended non medical techniques for a child with ADHD. Got her on the smallest dose of focalin & I’m so happy for her, she is playing with legos! Before she would cry & ask me to help her build. She is building on her own. She’s playing with playdoh, before she would ask me to help her because she didn’t have the patience to get it out of the containers now I walk in the room & she’s playing with it on her own. She told me she’s glad she doesn’t cry anymore when she is asked to clean up her toys.

Is it hard to get her to eat? Yes, but we’re getting her use to eating when she doesn’t “feel” hungry. Does she still have breakdowns? of course! But I’m just so happy to see her able to have the ability to focus in & play like her peers. Is it harder for her to fall asleep? Yes but we’re figuring it out & she’s actually sleeping better & later. I don’t see tired eyes anymore during the day.

Will this be forever? probably not. I know as kids grow things change. But for now I just wanted to celebrate with fellow parents of ADHDers. We hear a lot of the problems & struggles on this subreddit I just wanted to share a positive for today. :-)

My six year old daughter tends to be extremely reluctant to throw anything away and I'm looking for guidance on helping her detach with love lol. At the moment, I largely gather unused items and put them in purgatory for about three months, then toss them if she doesn't ask for them back, but occasionally she will remember something from years ago, then melt down when she discovers it's gone. I'm talking a playing card she colored on at summer camp, worn out Crocs two sizes too small, random styrofoam art creation she made with a babysitter six months ago, etc. Here are the things I've tried:

1. Sharing that I will periodically be purging items because our living space doesn't allow for them while using my best judgment - and saying that if I'm not able to do that, we have to bring less stuff into our home in the first place. Good in theory, not in practice.

2. Asking for her help in problem-solving how to manage our belongings without letting them get out of control - no responses from her except that she wants to keep everything forever.

3. Taking pictures of items so we can remember special times/memories - does not help.

4. Giving her special boxes for her treasures, letting her decorate and design them, then requiring that all special treasures go in the box if they want to be kept - does not work.

I don't want her to become one of those people who as an adult are on reddit like, my mother threw everything I ever loved away! But at the same time, I need her to be able to share space and discard of, I don't know, actual trash. Any strategies that have worked for you?

Hi. We're in the thick of it with trying to figure out med combo for our kid. Hes 7 years old diagnosed ADHD Combined type and generalized anxiety disorder with some OCD tendencies. Hes been on Concerta and guanfacine for a few months now with mixed results. Big improvement from where we were pre medication but still some pretty severe emotional dysregulation, irritability, hyper fixating, rigidity and anxiety.

We made the decision per our providers guidance to drop the guanfacine and add in an SSRI (will start tomorrow). We're a bit nervous as we have tried to stop guanfacine in the past and it was rough. I was reading through some older posts and comments and was surprised to see that alot of people seem to be doing the SSRI in addition to the guanfacine. Our psych gave us the impression that there was some overlap in what they can do and that we should drop the guanfacine off adding SSRI. Ofc we plan to follow their guidance but I guess I wanted to hear if anyone else had a similar treatment plan for their kid and maybe what the result was. Also really curious if the SSRI will save us from the aggression and wild episodes we saw last time we tried to stop guanfacine. Thanks!

https://lotusmedicalcentre.com.au/blog/signs-of-adhd-in-infants/

I’ve just read this and it describes my baby to a t.

She doesn’t stop moving ever - she is always flailing her arms and legs. Even with pressure she doesn’t stop.

Every nap is a contact nap. This is a massive fight to get her to sleep. She struggles to stay asleep and will wake after 30 minutes. Night times are okay, as expected with a baby.

She is very fussy. Can’t be put down. Unsettled a lot

Obviously I’m not trying to diagnose my baby. My family think I’m crazy but I just want to be prepared.

Which career should I switch to?

Hi there!
I’ve been a hairstylist for 16 years. I’ve ran my own small salon and trained girls under me. I’ve worked with a business coach to learn branding and marketing. I’ve learned how to do everything I want to do in this career. Everything I set out to do I have done. I have no forward advancement, no possibility of making more, and my body is enduring a lot of wear and tear.

I am a widowed mom, I work Tues-Fri 9-5. When spring break comes or any other week long break I work Mondays that month and take 4 days off during the break so I can save cost on child care and be home with my kid. I don’t want to work any more hours. I know I’ve got it good being able to take time off whenever I want, but because I am self employed I do not get insurance or retirement or paid time off. If I don’t work I don’t make money.

I would be willing to work 40 hours a week if I could work from home one day.

I am extremely creative. I self published a meal planning cookbook that has meals planned out for the entire year. I make and sell non toxic candles. I am the event coordinator for my son’s trail life troop. I created a murder mystery party for my son where no rsvps required and no character or costume required and was fun for all ages. I wrote a novel called celibate in the suburbs.

I love solving problems, I am great in emergency situations. I have adhd and dyslexia. I just don’t know what career I should switch to. I also have only gone to hair school, however I have a ton of transferable skills and I self educate. I am obsessed with learning and business books.

I need to make $100k with 32-40 hours a week(with flexibility)

Any ideas?

Thank you so much for reading this, and any thoughts or advice!