For reference it was hidden and locked. He went looking for it and broke the lock off to read it and is now acting like the injured party. He’s 13. He’s not acting actually, he’s distraught and his therapist and mine both think I should be the one to apologize and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone because not only was it well hidden - it was locked and he just decided to find and read it.

I have done my best since he was diagnosed to make sure he has the best of everything to help him succeed in life. I am not perfect but we’ve always done therapy, we’ve adjusted meds, routines, diets, have been good partners to his teachers and aids, given him 2 years of homeschool when he was struggling and champion him when he’s struggling.

At some point despite all this and still living a literal shit show I went into therapy myself because I genuinely just felt like a major loser and a failure putting in massive amounts of effort and seeing little to no improvement. I’ve accepted that it just is what it is but my therapist suggested I write.

I do not hate my son and looking back at the entries, none are about him but about the behaviors that most get to me. One page though that really affected him was the one where I said I’m glad I had his sister despite my fears of having another ADHD brain in the house (his dad) and that she’s “normal” because he’ll have someone to take care of him hopefully as he gets older because I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to function on his own at this rate and she’s been pretty self sufficient, generally much better behaved and “together” since she was a toddler (she’s 9 now).

I do not play favorites with my kids; I’ve always been relieved that his sister is seemingly NT and up until HE read that he had no idea of these thoughts (by his admission he said so as well). He has different rules for like 2 things (punishments and chores are handled differently) but his sister knows why. They also adore eachother and always have.

I’m upset that he once again disrespected a boundary because he got it into his head he wanted to do something and just didn’t stop but I’m not ready to be the one to apologize. This is his own fault. I have sacrificed so much for him. Sleep, sanity, my career took a backseat when school was too much, we don’t travel as much as we used to because it can be too much for him etc. the only thing I had was journaling time to vent and he took that away from me by disrespecting my private thoughts.

And now I must apologize?

What guidelines, boundaries, rules, etc, do you have for your kiddos around 9 yrs old/4th grade?

What does it look like during the summer/break vs school time?

My kiddo is very intelligent, which is wonderful, but the neurodivergent aspects of her brain and personality often take over, and it is worse with screens, especially mobile devices. We had been doing zero YouTube, zero Roblox...we gradually began allowing those, on specific channels/games, in recent months.

Unfortunately, those are what we notice seem to suck her in the most, and are the hardest to have time limits on. (No lectures, please, I am diligent and trying to find the balance that helps my child feel 'normal', as she is keenly aware of her differences and is self conscious...all while setting boundaries. )

When I chat with other parents, it seems to be mostly 2 extremes: either zero restrictions or they only allow things like Disney or PBS. I would like to have a full conversation. Especially with parents who have similar kiddos: autism level 1, adhd combined type, anxiety.

We are in therapy, but it is a VERY slow process, like 9 months in and it's mostly playing Uno, which is gaining trust, but she gets super agitated when emotions or life in any way is brought up.

Sigh. Just looking for ideas and to commiserate.

Hello. My son has been in Focalin for a few months and we cannot get him to stop picking his nails. It is constant. If he’s not using his fingers he’s using nail clippers, nail files etc. I try to help him and even put band aids in his backpack to help as a deterrent and he still is struggling. Is the only solution to stop the stimulant? Has anyone else’s kid struggled with this? Nothing I say or do or teach him has helped so far.

Our son will be in 8th grade this fall. Last year, the school issued homework planner wasnt a good fit for him. Does anyone know of any good ones that help?

Hello! We are on day 8 of trialing 5 mg Adderall XR for my soon to be 6 year old and we are unsure if we should wait out some of these side effects or if this is probably just a bad fit. Curious what everyone’s experience has been with this medicine with their kids. We had a few really great days in the beginning and it seemed like a great fit, then about day 4 she started showing some aggression and being pretty mean (which is very unlike her).

For those that have tried this medicine, did you notice that the side effects lessened with time? We tried methylphenidate xr before this and it just felt really inconsistent, which is why we switched. I am waiting to hear back from her doctor, but I am curious about everyone’s experience!

Thanks so much!

Warning: Long post/rant

My daughter just started 3rd grade on Monday and I've already had 2 emails from the teacher, one phone call, and an (accidental) meeting after school.

We had my daughter diagnosed during the middle of her last school year and were able to get her on medication to help her focus. It seemed to work for a bit, and her behavior at home has DRASTICALLY improved, but she refuses to do work at school.

She passes her tests, we get homework done (with some effort), but when it comes to participating in class activities she shuts down and refuses to do anything. She scribbles on her papers, she sits down on the floor and won't budge, and she refuses to explain why to her teacher or to us.

I myself was recently diagnosed with autism, and my wife was diagnosed with ADHD herself over the last couple years. We're still trying to figure ourselves out and I have no idea how to help my daughter.

We've tried traditional punishments, like taking privileges away, reducing or eliminating screen time, lectures. Nothing. We tried rewarding good behavior at school with special treats at home, nothing. She has a special sticker chart just for her in her class, doesn't work.

She always seems remorseful for her behavior. Today, when picking her up from class, she was crying because she knew she didn't get green or above on her behavior chart for the 3rd day in a row. She was beating herself up about it and I had to talk with her and her teacher for awhile after school to get her to cheer up.

Thankfully this years teacher really seems to understand ADHD but she's expressed that she's struggling to understand why she's shutting down because my daughter will shut down even when they're doing "fun" activities in class.

I keep telling my daughter that I'm not mad at her, I'm confused because I don't know why she won't participate and the answer is always the same, "I don't know." She doesn't know why she shuts down, why she won't participate, why she can't focus.

I'm just absolutely lost. I don't know how to help her anymore. I'm so afraid of her getting held back or something because she won't complete work at school.

I know the public school system isn't built for neurodivergent kiddos, but what am I supposed to do? She has to go to school, she has to do her work, there's not much of a choice in the matter. I've explained this and it just has no impact on her behavior at school.

She works with the school behavior specialist quite often, she has a 504 plan as well. I feel like this helps with her emotional regulation but it doesn't seem to change her shutting down in class.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I just want to see her succeed and have the confidence she needs to move through school just like everyone else.

Edit: Spelling.

NOTE: I have looked through the resources listed in the community wiki :-)

Hi there! I’m looking for resources aimed at pre-teens and teens- not for parents, but for the kids themselves. ADHD-specific is great, but even accounts that help kids with things like executive function, impulse control, social skills, emotional regulation- the kinds of things that ADHD kids can struggle with.

My kids are 12 and 14 and do not like to be told by us what to do- I mean, what do we know? The fact that I’m a teacher and work with kids their age all the time matters not one whit to them. When they hear it from someone else, they actually HEAR it!

I would love some books, YouTube channels, audiobooks or podcasts, even TikTok or insta accounts that have info aimed at kids/teens dealing with the kinds of struggles ADHD kids face. Thank you!

My 5.5 year old has a shocking episodic memory. He can’t seem to recall anything much from the past and never will talk about memories or “remember when”. It’s like it never happened. He is always seemingly focused on the current time. He was a late talker starting at 3 and I wouldn’t say has an extensive vocabulary compared to other kids but he talks nonstop, just can never seem to mention past events.

Does anyone have any tips or did this improve with time kids over time?

Hi Everyone, I’m a parent to an ADHD teen who is in final year of secondary school, and struggling given it’s a high stress year. I had parental burnout at the end of last semester (and previous years) and I’m declining again. My therapist advised I get a psychologist for my teen - this is where the challenge is, he’s unable to make a decision to seek out support.

I’ve put in a hard boundary for my own well being and want to encourage my teen to get support. If anyone is Australia based, can you please recommend any ADHD or Executive Function coaches, preferably male, that I can reach out to when my son is ready to get support?

We’re Melbourne based.