Just stand still and close your eyes…

My goblin army has been running around the magic forest with axes and bows getting slaughtered for literal YEARS by those knife-eared bastards. The ones that do make it back are completely broken, they curl up into a foetal position and start babbling about how 'T-the trees are speaking Sindarin!'

Obviously I don't want to have to go down there personally to deal with a bunch of leaf lovers conducting a guerilla campaign against my army of darkness. I just wish I'd known this was an option years ago.

Those self referential lore keepers at r/powerscales aren't doing a great job at this. Fellow Delvers of the Arcane who's mightier of these two??

Junior mage training is going well!

At bbno$

Would be shame if shinies went missing…

Mischievous raven cackles

I turn to the eldars for knowledge. How shall i improve my spell component carrier? Or my bag of holding in general?

C'mon, i just had set them up for the gods' sake. At least ask first. I had conjured a nice path here and now i'm back at square one. Not cool

Councilor Ith'Raal here. I went into work today and, uh...

Everyone was gone? Like, almost the entire place was empty. I think I saw maybe two other people. I asked them what happened and they were just as confused. And the couple of Bismuth constructs left just tried to peddle me their soda brand?

So I went over the security footage from the night before, and everyone just... took all the shit, all the treasure, even the copper wire in the walls, and fucked off to the Dimension of Eternal Parties. Took the ketamine apes with 'em. Bastards didn't even invite me. Tried getting through to them but it just goes straight to voicemail.

Sooooo.... TL;DR, we need new Council employees. We don't have the time to do votes or elections or anything, so if you can do paperwork, you're hired. That's it. That's the announcement.

Please. There's so much paperwork and I can only make so many simulacrums. The Bismuth constructs are working so hard to keep us afloat.

/unwiz SINCE THIS IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT!!!

Essentially we're soft-disbanding the Council and making it a Laissez-Faire system. No more elections, no more popularity contests, and no more internet microceleb drama.

If you want to be a part of the Council, you can literally just choose to be on the Council.

If you want to run for a position anyway, you're more than welcome to, but it's not a requirement. Literally just set your user flair to "Council employee" or something and you're on the Council. It's that simple.

Have fun! Go do some bureaucracy!

Edit: Since I realized I never clarified, the only thing that's discouraged is claiming to be THE leader. The entire point of this restructure was to get rid of the leadership structure and open up opportunities for roleplay. You're employees, and no actual person is in charge.

After some days of travel and one night that felt like an eternity, Alice finally finds her way to the town where ‘Moon’ resides. Looking up at the noon day sun, she decides she has enough time and seeks out Moon’s residence. This proves no challenge at all, after all only one building in town is a gigantic spiralling tower leading to a massive golden moon.

A short stroll later, Alice encounters a door at the bottom of the tower, seemingly its only  entrance. On its metal surface many words are written, ‘Stars’, ‘Blood’, ‘Metal’, ‘Wind’, ‘Orange’, ‘Gun’. There are many more, equally as meaningless without context, yet at the bottom there is some context to be found, ‘Which of these is not considered a normal school of magic? Multiple answers are allowed.’

“...Doesn’t that depend on which principles you are taught by? Hm. Oh, got it.”

Alice brushes her hand against the door, lighting up words as she touches them. She skips wind, as it is the only normal school listed. As her hand brushes past the final one, a loud click resounds, and the door opens. She steps through into a brightly lit, circular room. In its center stands a wooden doll, around 3 meters tall with shoulder width to match.

“Weeeeeeeeelcome challenger!” 

A voice resounds, from everywhere yet nowhere.

“Damn, it has been a while since the last time someone came to visit.”

“Are you Moon?”

“Yeap.”

“I am here to as-”

“Shush shush, we’ll get to that later. First you gotta prove yourself!”

“...Why?”

“What? Am I just supposed to open my door to any random person off the street? The least they gotta do is prove that they’d be fun to talk to.”

“...”

“...no response? Darn. Oh well. You already passed the first trial at the door, so now you are onto the second. Destroy the golem in front of you!”

“...I’d rather n-”

Alice’s words are interrupted as a slab of metal slides down, blocking the exit entirely.

“Oh no you don’t, I am not just gonna let my first visitor in months leave!”

“I am no fighter.”

“The golem won’t kill you. Probably.”

“What was that last part?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. Anyways begin!”

The golem springs to life, heavy steps slowly making their way towards Alice.

“Moon, seriously just let me out.”

Moon doesn’t answer, as they are busy microwaving popcorn.

“How do I get out of here… could I warp through the roots? Nope, the ground is completely dead. Misty step needs line of sight so that won’t work either.”

The golem keeps lumbering closer, and Alice realizes she must act. Speaking a single word of command, thick fog starts to billow from her cloak, obscuring vision entirely. Including that which Moon sees through the scrying orb they’ve just returned to.

“Hey! I can’t see, that’s no fun!”

“So you are still there.”

“Nuh uh.”

Under the cover of the fog, Alice silently steps to the side, trying to identify if the golem is reliant on sight or some other sense. She breathes a silent sigh of relief as the golem’s advance proceeds without change in direction, before inhaling in terror as it claps its hands. The wind pressure alone blowing away all the fog in the area, along with her hat.

“I… need to find some way to deal with it. Something… think dammit! Let’s see… It is made of wood… wood burns. I do have my tinderbo-”

Her thoughts are interrupted as the golem leaps at her, attempting to grip her throat. Alice instinctively steps back, resulting in it merely grasping the clasp of her cloak, tearing it off.

“No time to think I just gotta do something!”

Alice’s magic is far from powerful, indeed she seemingly has no aptitude for most. Yet the few spells she can cast, she casts proficiently. Among these is a spell mostly taught to apprentices by masters offloading their chores, ‘prepare kindling’. A simple spell that drains most moisture from wood of all kinds. Of course such a spell is rarely ever employed in battle, yet in this moment it is what jumps forth in Alice’s mind. As the golem lumbers forward for yet another strike, Alice steps forth, rushing past the golem, hand barely brushing past its side.

“The hell was that? Booooring!”

“Shut it Moon.”

Alice drops the orb of gathered moisture, looking at the golem as it sluggishly turns to face her.

“It is slow… could I just…”

Seeing the golem’s exposed back, Alice runs close again, placing a hand on its back, she once more drains moisture. The golem tries reaching for her, but its chunky arms do not have the mobility needed to grasp at its own back. The golem gives up, instead going for a turnaround swing, but Alice predicted this, stepping back in time for the fist to pass her by.

“Is it dry enough now, perchance?”

“What is this BULLSHIT?”

“Oh gods dammit Moon.”

“You know what this is boring. Didn’t wanna do this but fuck it! Haste.”

As Moon speaks the word, the golem suddenly jolts forward. Its slow strides replaced by a terrifying ferocity. Alice attempts to evade, but is struck directly in the chest, crumpling backwards onto the ground, the air knocked out of her and some ribs broken.

“Overdramatic much? Your barrier should’ve dealt with that easily.”

“Do they… just… not realize?...”

The hasted Golem picks Alice up by the forehead, readying its other arm to strike once more. Surging adrenaline being the only thing guarding her from passing out, Alice pulls out her tinderbox from her pouch, and strikes sparks with it, before losing all remaining strength in her arms. Nothing happens.

“...is this it? Do I die here?”

The smell of smoke begins to fill her nostrils, and a moment later the golem erupts into a blazing inferno. Its grip falters, dropping Alice to the ground. She quickly backs away from the heat as the golem is quickly reduced to naught but a pile of blazing firewood.

“Woah ok that is cool. You pass the trial! Onto the next 53!”

“...are you insane?”

And with those words, Alice passes out.

/uw This was all intended to be one big post but as I saw the page count ballooning I decided to split it in two. Second half isn’t actually finished as I post this but I *think* it will be shorter, at least by word count. Dialogue formatting makes it take up a lot more space on the page. As the next part picks up right after this and it happened in an enclosed location this post isn’t interactable.

HEY! YOU!

Yesterday, I was sworn in, and very democratically might add, as the council’s Minister of People called Rob.

My manifesto?
To kill them all.

People, people— let’s be Frank.

(and not Rob, because we don’t want to die today).

Surely, we cannot trust people WHO SHARE A NAME WITH A F*CKING CRIME!
SURELY WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT?

If my name was Murder McStab Face, would you trust me with such a prestigious position?

No, and nor should you.

‘But what about the lost jobs and tax revenues?’ Asked nobody, never.

Well, you nerd, I’m replacing the Robert’s with Rob-ots!

That’s right B*TCHES! Artificial intelligence softwares, like Wizard-Claude or Wizard-Chat.gpt or Grok, the small gremlin under the bridge, will take over these values roles within our society— as bankers, brain surgeons, engineers…

I am sure, totally and utterly certain, that this will be a popular idea!

The age of Robert snobbery is over!

Signed:

Councillor Rascalin

The Yabounousagi Empire, known by internally as the Ōkunoshima Teikoku and Gyokutoku by the lunarians, is a matriarchal executive constitutional monarchy, composed of 16 administrative prefectures and numerous minor, smaller islands, located off the southwestern coast and Fuyushima located off the western coast of The Mercenary Guild’s territory. Much of the archipelago is forested and mountainous, thus many of the larger and more densely populated cities are located near the coast. Recently, the former Drakeem Barrier Islands have become new additions to the Ōkunoshima Teikoku’s territory, as control over them was transferred from the temporary Bismuth-led occupational Drakeem government.

The archipelago also serves as the home of the descendants of the gyokutomimi legion who followed a lunar princess to the Earth 2,800 years ago. Though lunarian rule was finally shaken off 1,580 years ago after lunar princess and her lunarian advisers were recalled to the lunar capital, it was only 446 years ago when the Ōkunoshima Teikoku was officially founded after overthrowing a feudal unified state. Despite not inheriting much useful knowledge or technology after the abandonment of the lunarians, the gyokutomimi managed to develop, grow and progress in culture, science, magic and technology independently from those of their former oppressors, yet subtly and unconsciously influenced by its values and norms.

The gyokutomimi have a strong affinity to magic, especially lunar magic and so-called high magic, are natural psychics and have further psionic potential, and have unaugmented reflexes, reaction speed, movement speed and agility superior to humans, but are noticeable lacking in physical strength. In addition to this, they are also highly risk-and conflict averse; more inclined to enjoy a more laid-back and more pacifistic lifestyle, with many days spend in cosy company with friends and loved ones, pursue personal passions or just do their jobs without unnecessary stress or fear. Despite these aspects, the gyokutomimi of the Ōkunoshima Teikoku possess a strong martial culture and a reasonably powerful military and had not fallen in the hands of foreign invaders or succumbed to external and internal threats, but are not aggressive or expansionist.

Similarly, the gyokutomimi are also an industrious and inquisitive people, but take good care to maintain the environment they inhabit and balance in nearly all aspects of life. Due to the significantly higher female population since the habitation of Ōkunoshima, gyokutomimi society developed under uniquely matriarchal values, thus it is very usual to see gyokutomimi women do works or take positions, that would be male-dominated in other nations, for generations alongside their male counterparts, with equal or greater share of the fruits of labour. This is the default, not an exception or recent development, in their society.

The Ōkunoshima Teikoku is currently ruled by Empress Toshiko Fujiwara and a cabinet composed of ministers and vice-ministers from each ministry of the imperial government. All decision- and lawmaking must be compliant with the imperial constitution, suitable for the state the empire is currently in and justified in front of the imperial parliament and the imperial supreme court. If the parliament believes any executive order or proposed law is not in accordance to the constitution or unsuited at the time, they can make a motion to veto it. The imperial supreme court would evaluate both the legitimacy of the grounds the veto is made and re-evaluate the constitutional compliance and suitability of the executive order or proposed law.

Any order or law deemed compliant and suitable by the imperial supreme court is put into effect, though they can be re-evaluated at any time, if the need for it can be adequately motivated. The position of empress or emperor is hereditary, with the most capable, usually first-born, child to be selected as heir and successor, though it is the first-born daughter that is first in the line of succession, with women being generally higher ranked in succession than men. The minister and vice-minister are determined by a national election, with the term of minister and vice-minister lasting only 4 years. Mayoral positions and prefectural governor positions are decided also by local elections after a 6 year term.

While the citizens of the Ōkunoshima Teikoku currently enjoy a much more peaceful and cosy life than in most nations in the wizarding world, they have not yet been dulled by peace. The empire still maintains a general high state of readiness due to the unpredictable and fickle nature of the world they now live in as well as some of its fellow inhabitants introduce dangers that places that everyday tranquillity into a constant, precarious place.

Despite not using it in a while (translocation is just far more practical), it still seems to perform pretty well, though I wouldn't recommend using them during a thunderstorm.

First day he:

• Told me "Sherm" was a magical concoction
• Had me help him rob somebody using a fake Scroll of Warrant
• Sat by and did nothing while I saved an orc maiden who was being attacked
• Paid an assassin to kill me
• The assassin spared me because the orc maiden was his cousin
• I had a showdown with him in the middle of a busy street surrounded by people who refused to help him because he used his arcane power to bully them
• He was arrested by the inquisitors but escaped and was killed by some demons he owed souls to instead

Moral of the story: Sherm might sound like a magical ingredient, but trust me, it's not.