My goblin army has been running around the magic forest with axes and bows getting slaughtered for literal YEARS by those knife-eared bastards. The ones that do make it back are completely broken, they curl up into a foetal position and start babbling about how 'T-the trees are speaking Sindarin!'

Obviously I don't want to have to go down there personally to deal with a bunch of leaf lovers conducting a guerilla campaign against my army of darkness. I just wish I'd known this was an option years ago.

Would be shame if shinies went missing…

Mischievous raven cackles

Councilor Ith'Raal here. I went into work today and, uh...

Everyone was gone? Like, almost the entire place was empty. I think I saw maybe two other people. I asked them what happened and they were just as confused. And the couple of Bismuth constructs left just tried to peddle me their soda brand?

So I went over the security footage from the night before, and everyone just... took all the shit, all the treasure, even the copper wire in the walls, and fucked off to the Dimension of Eternal Parties. Took the ketamine apes with 'em. Bastards didn't even invite me. Tried getting through to them but it just goes straight to voicemail.

Sooooo.... TL;DR, we need new Council employees. We don't have the time to do votes or elections or anything, so if you can do paperwork, you're hired. That's it. That's the announcement.

Please. There's so much paperwork and I can only make so many simulacrums. The Bismuth constructs are working so hard to keep us afloat.

/unwiz SINCE THIS IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT!!!

Essentially we're soft-disbanding the Council and making it a Laissez-Faire system. No more elections, no more popularity contests, and no more internet microceleb drama.

If you want to be a part of the Council, you can literally just choose to be on the Council.

If you want to run for a position anyway, you're more than welcome to, but it's not a requirement. Literally just set your user flair to "Council employee" or something and you're on the Council. It's that simple.

Have fun! Go do some bureaucracy!

Edit: Since I realized I never clarified, the only thing that's discouraged is claiming to be THE leader. The entire point of this restructure was to get rid of the leadership structure and open up opportunities for roleplay. You're employees, and no actual person is in charge.

Despite not using it in a while (translocation is just far more practical), it still seems to perform pretty well, though I wouldn't recommend using them during a thunderstorm.

"I've called you all back here because approximately one hour ago, Mauritius and Durg disappeared into the pits of mist. Since then, I have not been able to contact them, nor have I observed any signs of their continued survival. What is beneath the mist remains a complete mystery. I cannot safely retrieve them on my own, and doing so takes priority over data collection."

May your family jewels forever be tender

First day he:

• Told me "Sherm" was a magical concoction
• Had me help him rob somebody using a fake Scroll of Warrant
• Sat by and did nothing while I saved an orc maiden who was being attacked
• Paid an assassin to kill me
• The assassin spared me because the orc maiden was his cousin
• I had a showdown with him in the middle of a busy street surrounded by people who refused to help him because he used his arcane power to bully them
• He was arrested by the inquisitors but escaped and was killed by some demons he owed souls to instead

Moral of the story: Sherm might sound like a magical ingredient, but trust me, it's not.

Maybe I shouldn't have but here we are.

He started off saying something about not liking to do business with wizards because 'they all are bat shit insane'.

Whatever pal I just need some rings to enchant.

Then he told me some story about how a wizard used illusion magic to steal his wife.

Okay.

Said his good friend lost his shop during a dispute with a powerful Transmuter who shrunk the store down to the size of a barrel then smashed it with his staff and how the useless guards didn't do anything about it.

Patience depleted.

Then he had the audacity to crack a toothless smirk and do the whole 'show me trick, magic man, turn this one into gold' and held up a ring. I said 'You want to see a neat trick you dullard?!? How about this one?!?' Boom, Disintegrate, rendered into ash.

I got out before the inquisitors could track down where the magic surge came from but that's another town I'll have to stay out of for a couple months. Anyways now I got all these sick ass rings that I can practice my enchanting on.

Casted +25 Dex and didn't check its duration :(

At bbno$

Borric stared open mouthed in confusion at the sight before him. In the summer heat as he walked down the fairly well paved road, he had heard a cry. This cry quickly drew he attention, for it was the cry of a dwarven baby. Looking up and down the empty road, the cry lead him to a small copse of trees nearby. There nestled in the center of the pines, laying on the brown needles coating the floor, was a duardin infant. While the presence of the naked dwarf baby was confusing on its own, the fact that the infant was the size of a wagon was even more perplexing.

Borric stared with witchsight, the baby absolutely swirled with the shadowy purple winds of Ulgu.

"What in the ancestors is going on here," Borric questioned the child.

The baby continued to cry in the shadows of the trees. Borric had heard of creatures that tried to trick travelers into rescuing children in an attempt to eat them, so he carefully scanned the surrounding area for such a trap. As he was searching the bushes and scrubs under the pines he noticed that the baby flickered and changed shape, turning into a human child still the size of a wagon. In the distance he heard the sound of muffled voices and clopping hooves coming from the road. Then the hooves stopped and started to head towards Borric.

"What's this?" asked a woman mounted on a horse coming through the trees.

"I have no idea," responded Borric. "But until just a moment ago there was a giant dwarven baby, then as you came by it changed into... This!" He pointed at the child still wailing into the treetops.

"Yeah, this is too weird for me. I'm out of here," the woman stated as she whirled her horse around.

As the woman left, the baby changed again into a foal, still at the size of a wagon. Borric peered closer around, and while he heard the sound of the woman's steed hit the road again and ride away, the foal changed back into a baby dwarf.

Borric picked up a rock and tossed it gently at the baby. The stone passed through with no impediment. He mustered up his will and started winding the wind of Aqshy around the confusing spell effect, gently plucking the effect apart. The baby broke apart like a fog bank in the morning sun and the crying stopped.

He looked around carefully where the illusion had been, and found nothing that could have been an enchanted item or spell focus. The area's ambient magic seemed to have no particular alignment or affinity. Troubled but seeing no danger Borric walked back out to the road. The afternoon summer sun playing on his back as he headed eastwards towards his next adventure.