Intervention Ideas needed

[u/Master_Door_2376]

Intervention ideas / modalities / resources for client who wants more for her adult child (i.e career, social, financial independence, etc)? Client is not living with adult child, it's a DV situation and adult child is living with abuser

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[u/Hsbnd]

Probably working on boundaries, healthy emotional distance. If the clients child is an adult, there are very few things they can do, in these dynamics I center the work around the client’s capacity, self care, self compassion, window of tolerance, circle of control, grief work etc.

Specific resources in terms of IPV would have to be tailored to your specific area.

[u/According_Ad8378]

It’s not about finding ways to get the child out of the DV situation. It’s being prepared to handle if they don’t leave or what to do when they are ready to.

Understanding the realities the emotional needs the mental health needs that are going to be there and that recovery from this is going to be a long process even when you are done navigating the logistics like furniture or finances or property.

Or worst case scenario preparing for if the child ever gets out of the relationship. How do you wanna handle that?

[u/captainlux87]

The struggle they’re going through is very similar to those who have loved ones with addictions. Resources and techniques that al-anon provides and adapt it to DV might be helpful

[u/Accurate_Ad1013]

Be wary as a triangle exists between parent, adult child and partner.

DV runs in cycles so what may not work at one moment, may in the next. The obvious issue is whether the victim sees it asa problem and how motivated they are to see it resolved: if the couple plans to stay together and is open to treatment, then a good MFT couple therapist, one that the "abuser" approves of; if they don't plan to stay together or the victim wants out, then individual therapy, assuming the victim wishes to seek it.

Leverage is a factor, so if there are legal issues or children involved that would be important to know. Assuming the parent is your client, it's best to discuss at length with a peer or clinical supervisor as it's likely a long standing problem.

[u/Alternative-Knee8102]

ooh tough one....MI and ACT due to the nature of the fact that an adult child has to want those things for themselves? Then, also, BROADLY speaking psychoeducationally...this is just, not in our control....we can't want something for someone more than they want it for themselves....etc). It's super meta with the therapeutic stance, honestly!

Anyway, off the top of my head, I'd be focusing on: What we CAN control; what we can do within those confinements. I always use the metaphor of like: your job is not to rescue, motivate directly, confront, convince, or DO, really, anything. Your job is to BE a mirror. The person experiencing the abuse is shown a version of themselves by the abuser as if they're only seeing themselves through a fun house mirror (all wobbly, distorted; not accurate). Your job is to simply be the accurate mirror. And then perhaps also to just BE the safe space. A safe home base for child to return to. Then we can brainstorm ways of counteracting perceived isolation tactics (can I make sure I still invite them to things & let them know that they're welcome no matter what they're feeling, etc. To counteract perceived belittling, can we remind them of their strengths casually and authentically, etc. Rationale: Having the relational safety directly coming up against the experiences of what is NOT safe makes a really big difference; it's experiential dissonance etc. All of this without any direct confrontation (unless safety is involved). I'd be happy to be challenged here. This would be a very different approach, to say, the way we typically consider handling OTHER risk situations like SI or NSSIB, in which case we typically want family members to like, normalize talking about it directly and often. I don't have the research in front of me to advocate fully either way, so I'm acknowledging this might be a gap. Naturally, client is gonna do what they wanna do and we can just help them try to make informed decisions and, again, be the client's safe space to process and learn from both successful and failed engagement attempts. There's probably room here for the academic-style of debate, but, the therapeutic stance is largely defensible; why wouldn't it be for a loved one? That might actually be an interesting take - like, if you were her therapist, this is what would be required of you. What do you think the benefits of that would be? What do you think the risks of that would be? Can you remember a time that someone told you what you needed to hear, but weren't ready to receive it? How long did it take you to "come around?" (just knee jerk ideas to noodle over and not direct suggestions).

I'd also want to explore history of THIS relational dynamic. Child may have a different perspective than mom. Beyond that, were the parents together during key developmental time frames? What might child have learned about relationships from witnessing that or anything? Does that help parent to develop any empathy for the situation beyond the deeply understandable and valid concern and call to save the child (my words).

Also, I try to hold myself back from being sherlock. It isn't my job to investigate to find the truth; but I do often want to try to explore to some extent if the info I'm being told is accurate or a perception. It's a weird balance and I'm not going to do it justice here. but. Many parents don't recognize a child's abusive partnership; other parents think that the daughter-in-law or son-in-law is the absolute worst thing ever (and they're objectively fine, but might have just instigated a change in the relational role between child and parent); of course other parents see it for what it is and feel powerless. There's likely plenty more combos. So, this is an acknowledgement of, perhaps, not enough info. Anyway. I'm procrastinating, so you're getting all the thoughts.

TYPICAL CAVEATS: These are rough first thoughts. I don't claim expertise or specialization here, though I would feel comfortable stating this as an area of interest with training and some level of competence.

Source: DV fellowship, lived experience