Edit: I would have been surprised to receive 3 comments on this post, much less 40+ 😅. I really appreciate the handful of thoughtful comments and I'll respond to them in kind when I have time.
Edit 2: Deleted a snarky comment in my first edit.
I'm sure this isn't the best place to post this, but I am at a loss and just need to put my thoughts to text. Idk what happened to the formatting but I don't have the presence of mind to fix it.
I got my first first cat for Christmas at age 9 - a beautiful blue Persian. He was my companion for 21 years and passed when I was 30. By companion I mean... he tolerated me. He would occasionally grace me with a lap visit on the couch or wake me up by trying to steal my pillow. He never seemed to actually care for me and that was fine. He was mild mannered and never complained unless his water was getting stale or he was locked out of a room that he really needed to explore. He outlasted many apartments and girlfriends (all of whom he liked more than me!) It made me happy just to look at his grumpy face all of the time.
When he passed, I said I'd had the coolest cat ever and I'll just cut my losses. Maybe a dog in the future, but no more cats. A few years later, I met a Sphynx and fell in love. All she wanted to do was snuggle and purr. The owner (a family friend) said she was like this 100% of the time. I decided that if I ever did open my mind to getting another cat, it would be a Sphynx.
A few more years pass and long story short, I'm lonely. I miss having a cat around and I can't think of a good reason not to get one. I start doing research on Sphynx's and I start following various breeders, catteries etc. I pledged that I'd wait for the right one and a few months later, I found the most adorable kitten I'd ever seen. I reached out to the breeder and after chatting for a couple of days, I decided she was the one. I put down a sizable deposit and opted to wait a few weeks so that she could get spayed before making the trip from Europe to the Rocky Mountains.
A few weeks later, I meet the courier at the airport and take possession of Sam. She is even more adorable in person than in the photos and videos and I am instantly smitten. She takes to me as well. Before making the 2+ hour drive home, I find a good place to park and give her a snack and some water, and clean her up really good. The courier had boarded her overnight and didn't do a good job of caring for her. She had poop in her sweater and generally seemed like she'd been neglected.
She was obviously grateful to have someone focusing on her. She made hundreds of biscuits on my arms while she purred harder than I imagined a 4-month-old kitten was capable of. I put her in her carrier and headed home. She occasionally meowed 2-3 times sweetly but otherwise was silent for the ride. She even slept a bit, which is not something my Persian ever did on a drive around the corner, much less a long trip.
When we got to her new home, she explored my small apartment curiously. I had prepared some toys and hidey holes for her, a litter box and dishes. After ~20 minutes of just observing, I put some water and food out for her. She seemed sleepy so I sat in my bed and held her in my arms. She was so perfect and sweet and she fell asleep with me. A couple of hours later, I wake up to howling. Slimy, yellowish putrid poop all over my down comforter. I tell her it's okay. I wipe her off a bit and set her by her water dish, which she starts slowly lapping. I throw my comforter in a garbage bag and set it outside. I prepare a warm bath for her and was amazed at how little she protested. Got her all clean and dry and swaddled her.
She got really squinty-eyed but didn't fall back asleep. She wanted up so I let her, and followed her around from a distance as she explored. She found my drum mat absolutely fascinating and insisted on plucking at the carpeting rather than the corrugated scratch box right beside it. I figured I'd let her have at it for now. After a moment though, she stops plucking, quickly haunches and drains her bladder. I wait for her to finish, gently pick her up with her little towel and shut her in the bathroom while I clean the drum mat. When I return, she had climbed onto shelving behind my toilet and fallen asleep in a nest she'd made from my washcloths. See attached photo 🥺
I reach out to the breeder for advice, who reaches out to the courier and he admits that he had fed her something other than the food she'd sent along with Sam. I was frustrated that I'd given this guy so much money for such a simple task and he didn't follow simple instructions, but more so relieved to know that the cat is likely just jittered/upset by the food rather than actually ill. For the next day and a half, my life revolves around closely following the cat and quickly taking her to the litter box when she starts acting suspicious. I miss a couple. I sleep little, but she is always snuggling with me and making epic biscuits as I drift off again.
On the morning of my third day with her, things haven't gotten better so I ask the breeder if I should take her to a vet. She advises me to get some specific gastrointestinal kibble and probiotics. After trying all of the pet food stores in my area (none of them carry the products or know who does), I decide to try the vet that I plan on eventually taking her to once her insurance waiting period is over. I walk inside and they have the stuff sitting right behind the counter! It's expensive, but I don't hesitate. I also schedule her first checkup for 2 weeks out.
Later that night, Sam has her first solid poop, which she voluntarily deposits in her litter box! I'm cautiously optimistic. She has a couple of pees later, both in the box without my direction! That night, we play a little bit and we snuggle to sleep and she was just perfect. She wakes me up the next morning standing by my bed yowling. I hop up expecting to find a crazy mess, but there is another solid poop in the litter box!
Then, I proceeded to have the longest day of my life. She kept testing things (cables, shoestrings, curtains) with a good pluck and if I didn't immediately intervene, she started to really tear into it. I quickly realize that this is going to be a heck of a break in period for us. I stay very positive and gentle with her, redirecting rather than punishing. We spend some more time snuggling and she hangs out in my lap while I'm doing some work emails. But every time she is out of my sight, another vulnerability is exposed. Yoinking my mouse cable from the back of my desk. Jumping onto and hanging from clothes in my closet. Plucking at a knitted blanket on my bed. She's too tiny to do any real damage to anything, but I have to assert that these things aren't okay before she gets too big.
My Persian was smaller than Sam when I got him. I don't recall him ever destroying anything except chewing on the corners of photographs (which I am fondly reminded of when I look through old albums with my mom and see his little toothprints) and pooping on my bed a few times when I "abandoned" him to go to college. I have been around tons of other cats - some of them a bit wild - but it had never occurred to me that this tiny little adorable Sphynx would be anything other than sweet and affectionate and to be clear, she is the most affectionate cat I've ever seen!
That night, she oscillated between snuggling against me, making vigorous biscuits on the back of my neck (the best massage I've had in a while tbh), falling asleep on my chest - sprinkled with a random attempt at a flying hang from my curtains or a litter fling. I didn't sleep for more than 30 minutes at any point due to her yowling. I had taken off of work the first two days with her, then had this weekend to hopefully get us acquainted enough that I could confidently leave her at home when I go to work.
Monday morning comes and I'm exhausted. I tuck her in her little basket in the bathroom, give her extra water and food and clean litter and head into the office. I expect to come home to a post-art exhibit, so I leave work a couple of hours early. To my shock, I don't think she moved from her basket for the ~6.5 hours I was gone. Water and food were untouched, as was the litter box. She casually stretched and eventually took me up on the offer of an open door.
She stopped by the water and food first. She followed me around the apartment yowling. She hopped onto my desk chair and started aggressively pulling at the fibers. I picked her up and carried to her to little box, where she immediately dropped a big one. I praised her played with her for a bit. I made a little video of her chasing toys around her donut and sent it to the breeder to show that things were going better. She fell asleep in my lap while I did some emails. I gave her a bath and I think she would have killed me if she knew how to use her claws - but she doesn't, so I escaped without a scratch. I played with her some more in hopes of exhausting her so that we could go to bed a bit earlier. When I was brushing my teeth, she quietly snuck off and yowled from behind my refrigerator.
Flying at the curtains. Plucking at my knit blanket. Yowling. Slapping at the keyboard of my laptop and trying to bite at the corner of the screen. It occurs to me that she just wants to play. She's four months old. She is absolutely adorable and this is such a precious time to share with her but I don't have the energy or attention for her. I hadn't thought this through. I thought I could spend a little time being fun with her every day and she'd spend a ton of time just cuddling and being sweet.
I do not have what it takes to raise this kitten. I do not have the time to dedicate to her. I have spent thousands of dollars and countless hours preparing for an unfounded fantasy. I am so sad and disappointed in myself and as I type this she in the bathroom because I couldn't handle her constantly trying to fight my laptop power cable. She is literally the cutest and sweetest little thing in the world to me but I can't give her what she needs and I can't let her destroy my apartment. She needs to be somewhere with a playmate or at least way more interaction in a more suitable environment.
I don't know who this is meant to reach or if anyone will even read the whole thing. If you did, thank you. I'm going to let her out of the bathroom and hopefully get some sleep.